/sci/ - Science & Math

I just went through my old high school papers and now i'm really depressed. I wanted so bad to be smart back then....I took all IB classes and did my HLs in math and chemistry....but I made a bunch of Cs. I bit off more than I could chew. I couldn't handle it like the other kids could.

Now I'm in college, majoring in math and physics and nearing the end. A similar thing happened again....I made a few Cs, killed my GPA, and just don't seem as smart as the other kids.

I wish I wasn't such a shit student, but I don't really know what I could have done differently. I really did try. When I put my mind to it I really can study and put in a lot of work for these things. I just don't succeed as well as everyone else.

Meanwhile others take the routes of classes they're good at and can get As in, have near 4.0s and are going to be highly successful in life....and me...most likely not so.

feels bad man....I feel the depression hitting again now. Haven't had this feel in a long time.

science and math really kill the feel of wonder. There's an elusive mystery behind life that can only be probed and explored by artistic means. That feel that's "beyond* the naturalistic world described by science and math. It might not even exist. Maybe it's true, science can offer a rational explanation to everything, but where is the fun in that really. When you know in the back of your mind that there's a logical explanation to things what kind of life is that? Before you know how something works or what a certain phenomena is, it's magical. It could be anything, and that feel is the best in the world. To not know.