/lit/ - Literature

>>20146329
an attentive reader should wonder what's happening in the other town.

>>20137337
another little loser with no ear and no understanding of english.

>The horizon left itself long over the blue sea. . .
sentence reads better as "left long" over "left itself long"
"blue sea" the sea is blue.
>Wonder what else. . .
who wonders.
>curvature of the earth
curve > curvature
>He turned instead. . .
instead of what.
>teal blues
redundant.
>pink taffies
"pink" modifies "taffies"
a house wouldn't be painted in "pink taffy" unless you're a pedantic cunt specifying how "pink taffy" is the exact name of the paint. it would be painted in "taffy pink." if the author was trying to evoke the character's memory of taffy, "pink like the taffies. . ." would be appropriate.

>rattled
"rattled" is not an appropriate verb for playing strings.
>A weathered collection. . .
the two sentences should be rewritten. "He stared himself dumb at a weathered collection. . ." reads better.
>further
implied
>the festival
since the family being at a festival is not specified until that point, "a festival" is better

>began to arrive
you don't "begin" to arrive. you arrive. an "arrival" can be begun but "He began his arrival" is shit. "He arrived at spaces" might be better, not great.
>recollectable
"at spaces recountable" isn't great but it matches the sound better than "at spaces recollectable."
>that/which
if you don't understand this you aren't qualified to comment (already knew this.)
>walked over
over is redundant
>that had grown infected
verbose. "overgrown" accomplishes the same.
>It'd been a long time since he'd come back
dissonant with the rest of the writing.
>Upon reaching
"On" better.

>newly dead widow
"newly" mismatches somber tone.
>it glew with light
i'll note, writer takes liberties. not a problem.
writer intends a contrast of owner just died/warm and nice. they should expand on that slightly. not excessively, but the unintentional lightness of "newly dead" clashes with intent.
>The setting shine from the sun
"Sunset" accomplishes same
>fell easily through the well-placed windows
i've come around to this part of the sentence.
>fell . . . onto the rich floorboards
onto rich floorboards > the rich floorboards
>rich floorboards which had been set neatly
"rich floorboards set neatly" better
>lobby
houses don't have lobbies
>He let himself. . .
"He let himself settle a moment and took stock between childhood memory and present reality" reads better
"took stock" implies "of the difference"

>Like the seafront and train journey in the house held
"in" should be omitted
>he walked through the placement of the rooms
already explained
>after him and his sister
incorrect grammatically.
>had moved out
fine as-is.
>still persisted
still is redundant
>amidst the rooms
unnecessary
>It blended with the smell of warm wood into a chemistry of incense
"chemistry" inappropriate word choice.
gone back and forth on "into incense" or "into something like incense." the latter slightly better.

>>20136872
very good.
>pink taffies
"pink taffies" i find interesting. it's incorrect as-written, but something about it almost sounds appropriate. are you trying to evoke, say, the memory of seeing candy as a child? you could elaborate on that more. otherwise "taffy pink"
>He walked through the placement of the rooms
"walked" works but people will read it and think he's literally walking through the house. if that's your intent, omit "placement of"
>well-placed
feels slightly out of place. i'd just find a different way to describe them positively

>>20135581
no clue, i don't know what sites host smut. you'll need to find your audience.
write it entirely, post chapters weekly, make a patreon and sell custom stories.
eventually amazon.
there's certainly an audience for genderbending work. though again, if that's what you're targeting, you'll need to find it and work up.
and make your penname a woman's name or otherwise describe yourself as a cis female.

>>20135450
for starters:
smut writers make depressingly high amounts of money. it's a huge market and if you break into it you can make an extremely high-paying career out of it. just make sure to use a penname.
smut books are almost entirely read by women, so the hook of them is stringing the woman along. think of it like foreplay. it's common for there not to be sex until halfway through (or later.)
setting up psychologically/emotionally and a "slow burn" is exactly how you write for women, yes.

>>20126752
>excessive and needless

>>20127129
post excerpt

>>20111812
way to pointlessly flower up your laziness, bitch

>>20108720
>>20109358
based

>>20107390
i enjoyed this, brief as it is
it's rough, but in some places that's to its benefit.
would read more.
looks like you wrote it on a phone? always interesting to see.
keep at it.

>>20107014
post excerpt pussy

>>20106378
seek help

>>20102325
it did
to clarify, i didn't like my saying "implication" because i don't think it's implied at all, not even ambiguously.
if you upped the ambiguity thirsty nerds sure would love it.

>>20101024
>>20101240
i started to edit then remembered it's fanfic
as that anon said and i see you responded to, keep focus on your original work.

>>20099568
is the implication he fucked his mother

>>20092645
jesus christ anon

>>20086593
>>20086809
>A. LaCroix
pic related

>>20077915
childrens books are mostly shit
well done

>>20069977
>>20069999

glorious

>>20068122
based
then go all the way and just use "jenkem" as your penname

>>20067992
yes this is of course the most based way to publish

>>20067545
>jenkem
initializing your name is what every contemporary hack writer does
either put your real name on it or use a pen name
if tl jenkem is your pen name, come up with a better one

>>20055750
this is very good. most of what i have are quibbles.
only important marks are the first "across" and "burrow"
draping a veil implies it's across the thing
burrow is the wrong verb for an action involving water. "[verb] through water, burrowing into silt"
i wouldn't use "skirms" but it's your writing.

>>20042500
yes