/lit/ - Literature

>>18672293
I'm offended she didn't include Norm MacDonald. What a schizo.

>>18670331
>Apuleius

Why?

>>18672142
Reads like dialogue in Suttree.

>>18670581

>>18660085
No, but the internal conflict revealed in the commenta section sometimes is.

>>18662713
Ready Player One

>>18662734
The Blind Owl

>>18664669
Julia Boin - Uncensored

>>18664444
Give us the details if care to, man. That's awful.

>>18663569
>>18659499
>That guarded [secret/hidden] treasures
Or
>That guard forbidden...
Or
>Stood watch on + top

Secret and hidden aren't particularly strong lead-ins oh, but I think a concept like treasure or knowledge that the giant imagery are guarding works better than silver holders. Unless silver holder is a reference to something that I'm just not party to, I am a card-carrying midwit.

>>18662593
"Standing tall like giants" was good, the stress falls on "stands" and it flows well out of unstressed "-ers" on "boulders". You can drop the "who are" and leave it unaltered from your first version. In fact, the first version in general was totally fine meter-wise and sounded natural to read. The edits just add superfluous syllables. It's funny, this is a critique levied at my mid-thread edits.

To clarify: the silver holders line and the ancient guidance line just don't support one another well enough, IMHO. It isn't a problem of meter. Like, silver holders is just very specific and seems to beg further explanation. If what you're going for is just the mystique of a landscape, the scope of it, suggesting some kind of mythic presence, just change "silver holders" to something more generalized that stays in meter. I've got an ending for that occurs to me oh, but I won"t share it with you unasked. I don't want to lead you to anything that isn't authentic. Giving a man a fish, etc.

>>18659499
As much as I like the giants/guidance rhyme, the intervening stuff in kinda nebulous. Good meter though.

>>18660041
Other anons will consider your unmoored pacing as a negative, but in general I like how it reads aloud. Only line four strikes me as being too much of a mouthful the flow naturally out of line. And maybe drop "the" in the final line.

>>18656512
>nowhere have I written that the table cloth is red
>I've merely said the fibers in a cross stitch which COMPOSE the tablecloth are red

That second part is probably technically true, he and his like just never ever address criticism from any sector that can't be painted as racist.

>>18656456
Even some of my non-political friends have made comments like that. One was frustrated about affirmative action negatively impacting his job search, another can't listen to NPR anymore because it makes him want to go "full /pol/".

>>18655963
Why can't all deformed goblins with an intellect just devote themslves to making poetry and insulting people like Alexander Pope?

>>18655350
For comparison, from this spring:

WHITTAKER BROOK

Whittaker Brook, genesis theme;
Earliest waters of conscious stream.
Sunfalls through canopy, contouring gleam;
Light of my childhood and sibling dream
.
Drought choked, storm stoked.
Trickle drawn or springtime raging.
Ebbs and flows. So it all goes.
Mild currents too may burst their caging.
Here my sister built with by-gone hands
Frond-packed, mud-caulked makeshift dams.
Took rocks and ferns that cousins taught to strip
And many a harmless tumble. Many a slip.

Here, transfixed beside my brother.
Innocents of danger, cowed and meek
Stood witness to the vernal fury of the creek,
Watched embankments crumble,
The culvert tip and sway,
Careen headlong over and thunder on its way.

These quiet stones where older stones once tread.
Pressed in silence by the footfalls of the dead.

>>18655350
All right. This is just some personal relic piece that seens overly lovelorn and bad to me now, but I am curious to see what people think because a friend picked it out of my collection as one of her favorites. I doctored it a little, particularly line 2, when I was putting a collection together. Otherwise, the same as when I was 25 (32 now).

ON LATENESS
An etched, nearly chiseled, paired line of black
And a shock of clear green like a brightening smack
Imprints on the mind and keeps thought turning back
To a dimly lit table and moments behind.

A chestnut cascade twinned to hues of chill ale
Framing unlined inflections of youth without fail
And the palpable softness of unfreckled pale
Recollections of bittersweet moments behind.

As each tick of the clock scratches over my mind
Dredging unwanted memories that serve to remind
That perhaps one can seek yet stay never to find
And possess only echoes of moments behind.

>>18655323
>owned the libs
Awesome original thought, my fine felloxyn.

>>18642437
I love that this is a sonnet, but the last couplet is janky. "Saying" seems out of flow.

>“I hate” from hate hope sprang anew
And sav’d my life. She said “the jews.”

>>18642437
Is making the reader double-take to read "come" as "coom" after reading "doom" a purposeful little joke? If it is, well done.

>>18641737
Actually, the ending would be better if you just ejected the goop (kek) line to do yell/farewell.

>>18641737
Entranced is too fancy. That opening is kino. Fuck the dude that shit on your ending, dropping the rhyme for going to prison was comedic gold.

>>18652355
>rose petals circulate
Damn good, as it is over all. Dust from the vase works, like it was a vase untouched, I feel you. Residue of the adieu is wonky.

>>18652347
10/10, come back, say it again.

>>18652348
>>18652298
Two other things that come to mind that were neat: Hector actually listening to his wife and Priam having multiple wives were actually accurate to Bronze Age Anatolia. Women had higher station in the Hittits and their satellite states (which Troy would have been). The winds closed off the harbor for part of the year because sailing technology didn't yet include the ability to tack so Aulis is plausible too.

>>18652298
Yeah. Another book from one START WITH THE GREEKS LIST was from 2018 on the side of the Trojan War being an actual event. Achilles was a legit Bronze Age name. Looked at a bunch of Hittite and Egyptian etc. documents still extant, similarity of names (Wilusa, Ilusa, Ilium). Barry Strauss was the author. It's a really cool concept and if Homer was both a master oral poet and a pioneer of written literature, that's such an amazing concept. Worthy of all his veneratioj.