/lit/ - Literature

Working on 'Dawn' now.

ahahahaha
>>908056

Hey,
I just woke up, thanks for the help again anon.

oh yeh, here's a pic of my boyfriend for yall to wank over or whatever you faggots do

dawn*
48 hours with no sleep, I'm slacking.
Gnight /lit/ foreal this time yo, thanks for your kind words of wisdom, helped a lot even though you didn't mean too.

It's a story about 'Good' found in both 'Good' and 'Evil'.
A story of reason. I'm going to be structuring it kinda like the bible, but having events occuring at the same time. That chapter is Dusk, and at the same time as that chapter, Dusk (which is the Good side perspective) where the knight of light meets God. The year is 2010, so it's going to bring in some urban culture and realistic/fantasy elements. Dusk and Dawn happen at the end of the story, but I'm starting at the end and working my way backward.
>>906749
>>906749
>>906749
>>906749

>>906737
I'm not pro at English, that's where you guys come in.

A few moments passed, and the boy just lay there still, watching the temple crumble all around him, “We… are… one…” he whispered before closing his eyes, and being crushed by temple as it was razed to the ground. The rubble was clouded in smoke - but slowly it cleared revealing the ruins that remained. From where the boy was buried, drips of blood started to leak through, and shot upwards into the sky above. As they splashed one by one unto the surface of the firmament, it rippled dark red rings, morphing the firmament into a chilling hell-like bloodbath.
Good night /lit/.

“Do you fear it?” the eerie voice asked.

“I do not,” he answered. And like a flash his eyes sprung open, and in front of him stood a reflection of himself. As he raised his sword, the image raised a scroll, “I offer you the blood of thy hand, and thy name, for thou to gift me with thy love,” he swiped his left arm with the sharpest end of the sword, and blood splattered onto the altar.

“Meus diligo est eternus” the spirit commanded while inscribing on the scroll, “Necro, senior of nox noctis,” it continued. As the spirits touch finished signing the parchment, it began to spiral violently upward. As it neared the roof of the temple, the walls began to crumble, but the boy stood still, without fear. The spirit came to a halt two metres above the ground, “Nos es unus,” it said. Without warning the spirit dived into the boy, combining within his body, causing him to flex sadistically and roar with anguish.

“I shall not run, for now I am free,” he uttered as he stepped back towards the altar, “now we are one, and now I feel your love, and it is everlasting, so I shall cherish it for the final minutes that I stand before thou,” the boy raised his blade, “The fire saint hast brought you warmth, and thy saint of water hast brought thou drink, and thy saint of earth hast brought thou fruit, and thy saint of air hast brought thou breath,” and with his sword he cut the silver chain around his neck and placed it upon the altar.

The room fell silent for a moment, only the sound a few of creaking doors marking the exit of the temple could be heard - and lines of white drift oozed through the small opening, then rushed over the boy’s shoulders, “Humph…” he mumbled as he closed his eyes tight, waiting for his judgement.

Through the darkness he emerged, an impressive blade in hand, and the souls of those who he had slain trailing behind him. The temple was unnerving and hushed, bar the sound of the boys’ footsteps. He knelt before the altar located in the middle of the chamber, and then placed his hand across his heart, sheathing his sword with his off-hand. “I have come for you and I have with me the elements of good and evil, and all that shall awaken your spirit” he spoke evenly whilst blessing himself, “for the thousands I have slain, an eternity of torment and pain I shall endure – for my love for thou is strong and everlasting,” he stood up on two feet and then drew his sword, holding the grip high above his head, “I am yours...”

All of a sudden a thrust of wind swept him off his feet, causing him to drop his blade, and then slide on his behind across the marble pavestones back into the shadows from whence he came; the boy fixed footing with haste and locked his sight unto the altar, his fierce eyes shining with hunger. “Run,” an eerie male voiced echoed around the room, “Run now! For I have awoken!” it continued.

Ohhh haha, I understand you now. He is only 16 so maybe he could be like a cute /b/ meme. I haz devil powers nao?

But yeah, what King James word, that is nice and fantasy-like, would you recommend?

I have to keep some of the fantasy elements. If I remove the 'Thou' and 'Hath' it just sounds like some shit porno.

>>906626
>>906626
Through the darkness he emerged, an impressive blade in hand, and the souls of those who he had slain trailing behind him.

This maybe?

forgot to change the shalt to shall, my bad

Through the darkness he appeared, wielding a sharp one-handed sword coated with blood, and the souls of those who he had slain trailing behind him. The temple was unnerving and hushed, bar the sound of the boys’ footsteps. He knelt before the altar located in the middle of the chamber, and then placed his hand across his heart, sheathing his sword. “I have come for you and I have with me the elements of good and evil, and all that shall awaken your spirit” he spoke evenly whilst blessing himself, “for the thousands I hath slain, an eternity of torment and pain I shalt endure – for my love for thou is strong and everlasting,” he stood up on two feet and then drew his sword, holding the grip high above his head, “I am yours...”

>>906585
I get the point, anon.

1 last question:

I have a problem when it comes to 'knowing the reader'.
Say if I were to describe the temple before he knelt before the altar, but didn't want to use the word altar too many times, could I just do something like this:

(this is simple)
The temple was dark, there was a slab in the middle.
The boy knelt before the altar.

See that to me doesn't work, even if I did spice it up - but if I use altar again it feels like I'm using that word too many times. Halp and then I leave forever, and never shalt awaken again.

74 posts and 10 image replies omitted.
>>906562

Thanks for the help people, appriciated. This needs work so I'm going to go ahead and go over the draft fixing what I can; again, thanks.

>>906553
>>906553
I enjoy it.

>>906551
>>906551
>>906551
>>906551
That's what I was looking for. That alone has just sparked new levels in my brain. You'll be hearing more from me /lit/, for I hast awoken

>>906542
>>906542
I don't think my fantasy stories are boring; I have some original concepts, like the one I'm writing now. The thing is, I write one chapter and it's simillar to a previously created story, but then I write another 10+ chapters that makes it different. I doubt anyone can write anything these days without copy pasta'ing some other faggots work, aminotrite?

>>906527
>>906527
Thank you for your kind words oh wise one.

>>905653
For the thousands I hath slain
or
For the thousands I hast slain

Tell me which ones correct and I will now know when to use Hast.