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/lit/ - Literature

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>> No.5190035 [View]

>>5187832
wait did you just un-ironically recommend Poe?

OP, start with The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, Preludes, The Hollow Men, and Gerontion by Eliot.

Then the collection "The Branch Will Not Break" by James Wright. Report back for further details.

>> No.5117231 [View]

>>5116769
Lunch Poems by Frank O'Hara
The Branch Will Not Break by James Wright
Organic Trains by Jim Carroll
Howl and Other Poems/Kaddish and Other Poems by Allen Ginsberg

Recommended pleb-tier collections. Enjoy anon.

>> No.5113162 [View]

>>5112931
I like the fact that you think you're a good poet, but this is actually really bad. That last line is...bah. It's like a bad aftertaste that won't leave my mouth and which imparts its taste on the rest of the meal.

>> No.5111482 [View]

>>5107587
Strong work, you jump from image to image pretty fast though, it's a bit hard to follow, feels a bit cluttered and over-long, have you edited it yet?
"Dissolved in your guts like wild rice" is very, very good, as is "flag folding sycophant". Easily a 7.5/10. Keep up the good work man.

>> No.5111472 [View]

>>5110821
Organic Trains by Jim Carroll
Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot
The Branch Will Not Break by James Wright

Definitely pretty entry-level, but all are amazing nonetheless.

>> No.5111454 [View]

>>5110409
By far King's strongest work.

>> No.5107655 [View]

>>5107650
I have a slight feeling that I called your poem shit.

>> No.5107632 [View]

>>5107421
*worker

>> No.5107461 [View]

>>5104470
>Songs for the Blind
>Rec'ing albums you don't know the name of

>> No.5107436 [View]

>>5107431
It's not as bad as the movie, trust me.

>> No.5107431 [View]

>>5106393
The Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll.

>> No.5107421 [View]

Elegy for Holly

I.

The cars approach
like stinkbugs cooing and vrooming---
vomiting greasy halogen---
maybe at 200 miles per hour.
Something is wrong, and it’s not
the obscene Zippo flipping mystic
or the blurred skygrass outside
these Subaru windows.

II.

Perhaps the grotto? Tainted
with urine and lysergic dreams
of Saddam Hussein morphing into Christ
(His head on a platter)
And the girl growling in the corner, canine
Herbal nail bar worked doubled up on MDMA
and on the stars

which melt around our feet like fireflies.

III.

And where are her parents?
“Turn on, tune in, abandon a child”
Her pupils are tiny,
Drenched in iPhone cords
Fashioned into a bloodless tourniquet
Dissolved into a dull needle
At the wake of a loved one.
The priests mew---

And we shoot up after her funeral.

>> No.5107415 [View]

>>5098170
I don't understand Spanish, sorry.
>>5099278
Damn, this is some really bad, cliche-ridden work. Please, never use "the heart wrenching disorder of humanity" in a poem again. Additionally, the poem just looks like a mess on the page. There's no structure to this, it looks like you just vomited out some "things" you've read by bad poets, but made it even worse. The "mantra" image is really strong though. Focus more on imagery, because that's what you're best at.
>>5100218
I generally hate rhyming poetry, almost as a rule, but this is pretty good. I like that there's an actual rhythm to these words, as opposed to simply "rhyme". The "wolf speaking to moons" line is a bit sappy and old, and you start to force the rhyme on "toons". The second poem is much better, it's a joyous little nursery rhyme almost...strong imagery and music to it.
>>5100296
>Starting a poem with "O ye"
>2014
Just kidding. You drop the meter frequently though, and your rhyme scheme betrays the archaic "feel" you're going for, which ruins the whole point IMO.
>>5100302
I can't even take the time out of my day to critique this shit. 1st grade-level, I'd say. Keep working and maybe you'll get better, but I have a feeling that you aren't all that interested in poetry.
>>5100317
Cliche garbage.
>>5100371
>Starting a poem with "You are beauty"
>Not a Shakespearean sonnet
>2014
Shit.
>>5100426
I don't understand French, but I like your shape. Oh and the repetition, for sure.
>>5101071
I don't understand Spanish.
>>5104094
I don't understand French.
>>5106400
Nice dubs, shit poem. You have no sense of meter and a terrible understanding of "rhyme". Melodic/periodic is perhaps the worst rhyme I've ever heard. The second poem is definitely an improvement, still cliche, but great sense of repetition, works well when read aloud.
>>5106686
Nice meter. Bad rhymes. Cliche images, but a nice little ditty nonetheless. The opening line of the final stanza is probably the strongest of any piece in this thread. The ending line of that stanza is a terrible deflation and letdown...work out a better ending for this poem. Definite 6/10, overall strongest poem here.
>>5107011
Nice dubs, I grew out of Ginsberg at about 14 though. Try again with something of his that's a little less well-known. Hell, maybe you could pass it off as your own. Read his "Town and the City Sonnets". Those are sublime.
>>5107046
>you're
>soul
>expecting me to take this garbage seriously

Here's a piece I wrote. I hope it keeps the line breaks well. My comment is already a bit long, so I'll include it in the next post.

>> No.4623222 [View]

Dad

I’m a cliché…we all have to face it
sometime, son.

Look at Maricopa, resting her tongue
in the barren, oiled sky.
The stars dot the landscape, the house,
the dreams…I’m a sinner.

Are you a sinner? We’re all a sinner,
boy, now get back in that fuckin room
and do ya math homework…
Pops is a nice man. He drinks whisky.

He’s a strange man, though, and occasionally
his eyes crust over like a burnt pancake
in the summer sunshine, pulling weeds in the yard,
blue eyes basking in serpentine rhythms of Suburbia.

He got shot in the Gulf, Saudia Arabia, 1991.
Calls Muslims camelfuckers, no matter what/why/who
they are…like Preacher, basically a good guy.
He screamt in the dawn, and the men carted him off,

half-crazy and raving and leaking mustard gas
from the ears.

Methinks I couldn’t pull weeds and mow the lawn
and eat meatloaf and pot roast for dinner
if my brain was tucked into a tough pocket
of poison gas, and insanity.

But Who knows

I'm pretty sure the line breaks on this are fucked up as well. DGAF Sunday tho

>> No.4623216 [View]

>>4623206
fucking 4chan ruined my stanza breaks again.

The breaks are after:
"oats"
"festering"
"class"
and "iPhone"

>> No.4623206 [View]

My Generation

Today Bobby already ate his oats.

---Already ate my oats Mom…
And then out into the Phoenix beauty
alive, digging thru the trashcans
like a ravenous animal, searching
through the textbooks of the living,
down to the cinemas and the crackhouses
on Camelback…he waits for school to start
and the pavement to sun, festering.
We’ve landed a man on the moon,
but the streets are still sparse,
there’s still scavengers starving,
still suburbs…and wretched Phoenix,
Bobby’s bosom, the world’s asshole,
still here…ageless, beckoning
like a salt’d lover…..Off to class.
The teachers, they’re all alcoholic breath
and nostalgia, big stuff happened
when they were alive. But what’s happening
now…recuperation, Iraq’s over, time to play puppets,
a decade to forget. Left in the dust…
growing up staring into the blank, dreary eye
of an iPhone…

And none of us will know what to do
until we’re too old to do it.

>> No.4623202 [View]

>>4623087
babby's first sibilance

>> No.4623197 [View]

I used to feel like typing something out on a computer lacked the "intimacy" of writing on paper. I basically couldn't write anything (fiction, essays, etc) without putting it on paper first. I always edited on computers/using word processors though.

I don't even remember how I got over that, but now, I realize that kind of thinking is both wildly idealistic and outdated, and I usually only write using word processors (usually Notes for iPhone/Mac). Sometimes when I'm at school and don't have a computer in front of me and don't want to use my phone, I'll write something on paper.

>> No.4623175 [View]

>>4619773
sure is plebeian-pretending-patrician in here.

>> No.4495845 [View]
File: 34 KB, 413x395, dondraper.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4495845

>implying the GOAT isn't The Waste Land

>> No.4474202 [View]

>>4474193
final 2 lines of Welfare Children are really good. Dat volta. Goddamn. Gonna go smoke and read the rest of these, I like the first one, though I'm not getting any great images. Scrolling through quickly, your titles are excellent. Excited to read.

>> No.4474189 [View]

>>4474166
Hey, sorry, didn't see this reply, had seen #3 earlier and went back to check this out.

No problem man, your writing is definitely good and with some editing could be strong as a cohesive whole. I like the idea of your series...Just keep working on it.

Don't feel bad because some faggot behind a computer screen (me) criticized your poetry. I dislike 90% of the poetry I've ever read, and it's my "main hobby". I don't even dislike the poems, per se. They just need to be worked on...a lot.

>> No.4474180 [View]

>>4474057
Much stronger than #2, still a bit dull. Not as good of imagery as #1. I like your kind of "thematic tie-in" of the 3 receipts, even if there's not really a "story" (there doesn't need to be, by the way). Gives the poems some needed unity and cinematic qualities. Your rhythm is mediocre at best. Why is "then" on its own separate line? Unnecessary, why should you draw attention to "then"? Doesn't really further the piece enough to warrant an entire line.

Last three lines of the first stanza are bad, dreadful, even. A friend once told me "Every line has to be poetic" whether in its incorporation of a trope or a temperament (tropes = metaphor symbolism irony, IMO, but I bet you know that). Every line should give some image, some sound/rhythm device, etc. You get what I'm saying? Those lines are devoid of poetic trope. That's not verse, it's boring prose.

"A proper burial with every/one of your favorite flowers" is the strongest part of the poem. I like the image and rhythm.

Definitely edit those receipt poems and turn them into something better.

>> No.4474159 [View]

>>4474126
There's a steep drop in quality from Receipt #1 to #2, man.

You lost all the imagery, which seems to be your strongest aspect.

Where's the sound? The rhythm? Musicality? The story is alright but very flawed. Not even any attempt at structure. The last line sounds very "High school creative writing class" "edgy teenager". You're writing a poem. Don't tell me "That's how I feel", you fucking cop-out. I know that's how you feel, you just wrote a poem about it.

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