/lit/ - Literature

>>7156317
Fuckin loved both those movies.

>>7156510
Ya, anon is only a placeholder. I actually have the name, but I've always felt uncomfortable posting names to public places unless it's a common name.

Alrighty, thanks for the feedback.

>>7155767
Eh. I don't think it was as bad as everyone was screaming it was. It was just a very easy story to relate to/lose yourself in for most people, so that's why most people liked it.

However, now that I'm older I would probably cringe too much to enjoy it. It was nice when I was in highschool.

>>7155716
This sounds like something I would find on Literotica in the nonconsent story section.

I don't know if that makes it great or horrible.

>>7155241
I know writing only changes when people break rules and all that, but I would highly recommend you spell out the numbers unless it's something like an address, street number, time, etc.

Unless you have some artistic, purposeful reason to break rules, then it just comes off as lazy and sloppy.

>>7155403
lol. Ya it was just the first one that popped up when I searched writing sites, so it must be kind of popular.

>>7155381
I found this site a while ago, haven't really used it yet though.

http://www.writerscafe.org/

If you post any completed stuff, you might want to get it copyrighted before you make it public.

I haven't had a chance to do any editing on this yet, and obviously I'm not done with it, but here it is:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/15zw-rFWhsJNXN4Wu-dJSPRu3HMc_gmkAokL8ZWo3PUM/edit?usp=sharing

>>7153883
Ah, that makes sense. Have you gotten very far in it so far? Is it hard to write?

I try and stick with stuff I know how to write, but I want to be able to branch out and try some different styles eventually.

>>7153782
It's good, but your focusing a little too much on the detail. There is a fine line of needing to show your audience, and then over doing it.

>He sat there for a time, lost in antemeridian stupor: forms recognized, not understood

Right there would have been a good place to stop describing that feeling of first waking up, because by that time I understood completely what the character was feeling-because we've all felt it before-and the rest was just a bit boring. If it were a book, I would be tempted to skip through it.

>>7153397
I would like to critique, but I feel like this is too out of context for me to really give any advice...sorry.
>>7153484
You're coming on much too heavy here. Basically trying to hard to convey your emotion. Now, if this were a comic book, and the villain were saying these lines to his victim, the fear could be better betrayed through lighting and facial expressions.

However, seeing as all you have is words to convey an emotion, you have to be more tactful.

>Many people lack the basic understanding of many emotions, such as fear. No, not the fear you feel when you turn on the lights and a Daddy long legs greets you. Not the fear when a you hear a bump, I am talking about a far more intense fear my friend.

Alright first couple of lines.

>The cold shiver you feel when your eyes open, to see me standing in front of you. The cold swarm of butterflies that flood your chest, when you see the knife I hold in my hand. The sweat that begins to drip down from your brow, when I bring the blade to your skin. The quivering of your lips, the panic that sets into your heart as you realize this isn't a dream; as I quickly swipe your skin with the blade, leaving but a light cut on your arm.

Aaand you lost me. You lost me because I don't have a reason to fear this character. He's saying I should be afraid of him, and as we all know, people don't like to be told what to do. He also hasn't given me any reason to be afraid of him. Actions speak much louder than words, and you have to familiarize the audience with your character before you can expect them to react to any major actions the characters take.

My advise is you look up and read some tv tropes, and practice describing simple scenes without 'telling' the audience anything.

>>7151573
Well, shit. Computer didn't save the second part even though I copied it. I'm sorry, I'll try and do the rest later, but I have stuff to do today.

Would have posted last night but 4chan wasn't working.

Over all though, I think you're a good story teller and a good writer, but you just need to hone your writing skills and brush up on good grammar. Look up some online guides and get yourself a good critique book.

>>7150121
>>7150235
Part 1 of 2

Ok, I like it. It drew me in, and if you had more, I would keep reading. That's a big one to get right, because often when you pick up a book, if the first sentence/paragraph doesn't get you interested, then you will often put it back on the shelf.

Now, my only problem as an audience, is that I found it a little hard to read. The flow jarred me a few times. Like here:

>Given what you already know about me (which may be little more than the crimes I've committed) and this very clear and concise definition courtesy of Oxford University, it should already be painfully evident to you, the diligent and intelligent reader -- that I, the unjustly persecuted narrator, fail (something I rarely do) to meet even the most basic criteria for psychopathy.

This isn't a bad sentence. I understand what the character is trying to say, but certain parts are a bit rough and it feels a little run on (going too long without breaks.

If it were me, I would write it like this:

>Given what you already know about me (which may be little more than the crimes I've committed) and this very clear and concise definition courtesy of Oxford University, it should already be painfully evident to you-the diligent and intelligent reader, that I, the unjustly persecuted narrator, fail to meet even the most basic criteria for psychopathy.

Notice I took out the 'something I rarely do' bit. The reason I took it out is because it didn't feel needed in the sentence. It interrupted the flow of it and made me go back a few words and read it over. I shouldn't have to do that. What that bit did tell me though is that the character is cocky.

Cocky is fine, but in this case it can be shown in a different way, or have it's own sentence if you really want to include those few words. I would say to tag it at the end of that first paragraph, but doing that could possibly interrupt the flow, or not give off the vibe you want, so that's ultimately up to you how you want to handle that and make it your own.

Next bit.

>"Surely, the systematic entrapment and murder of dozens of INNOCENT people for no reason other than your own personal pleasure would be considered 'abnormal or violent social behavior'," types a smug contrarian little shit as he tightens the grip around his microscopic phallus and blows a load all over his computer screen.

This is fine in general, but-

> as he tightens the grip around his microscopic phallus and blows a load all over his computer screen.

What do you mean by this? Is he tightening his grip literally, or figuratively? And by 'blows a load', is that also literal? Is he actually jerking off as he talks to the other character?

I may just be lacking context here though. This is just a snippet of what you were trying to write, after all.

>>7150216
When someone offers you help, don't smack them away just cause you didn't get attention the first time.

I would honestly like to help if you actually want critique. I didn't read through the thread yet though because I've been doing other things.

>>7150206
>>7150206
Which one was yours?

>>7150210
throw*

>>7150191
Well, honestly, it's normal to through most of it out and write something different. The trick is learning to keep what you like and building on that.

You also have to remember why your writing. If you're only writing because you enjoy it, then it doesn't matter if you throw it out or keep it. If your writing for an audience, then it -mostly- only matters if the audience likes it. It's still your story obviously, but if you show it to thirty people, and 25 of those people like it, chances are it's good even if you critique yourself to high and say it's bad.

>>7150181
You get over it when you realize you can never write like the person you admire, cause that would make you a clone of them.

>>7147835
You should try half orange juice, half grape juice. It sounds/looks disgusting, but it's so delicious.

>>7150159
Ah ok. Welp, have a nice day friend.
>>7150167
I do not understand how some authors can do that.

>>7150129
Sorry, I just honestly couldn't...understand half your post, wasn't trying to be insulting. I think I'm lacking context maybe? I thought it would be more insulting to not respond...

>>7150113
I got some friends-ones that basically helped me to create the character-that I'll probably ask to help edit it, but I do appreciate the offer. If I had enough of a rough draft to offer for an edit, I would probably take you up on it. But as it is, I have very little wrote and it's embarrassing, but I'm working on it.

I wish I had some of my books from storage, but ya, editing can be fun. If you ever have a chance to get it, pic related helped me to catch a lot of my own mistakes while writing. I need to read the rest of it though, I kept going back and skimming through it from time to time. Going to dig it out soon and use it when I'm done with a good solid draft.

>>7150104
I have no fucking clue what you're talking about, probably cause I don't understand where your coming from with the drugs and stuff, but....uh....nice?

>>7149930
You go the the library, pick up something that looks interesting, but that you normally probably wouldn't read. Start reading different authors you've never heard of, and in many categories. Even try and pick something up that you don't think you'll like.

Take notes of what you like, why you like them, and do the same with things you don't like, and why you don't like them.

Also, there are tons of self help books on writing. Francine Prose, Reading Like A Writer is a good one.