/lit/ - Literature

>>10461107
If you don't realize that there are several different methods of getting in shape with varying degrees of intensity then you should just leave this thread and save your time

As long as you have self worth, no personal aspect is overrated.

>>10461030
Both, 30 min each.

>>10461036
Or target specific muscle groups in sets of three (upper body, abs+cardio, legs) with one set per day. Two days rest for each muscle group, workouts every day with a one day rest wherever

>>10455390
So is this a legitimate critique thread?..

Or else nothing is genuine in this place anymore, and I am again lost in the abyssal and abysmal sea of irony thrashing and cascading we seagoers of wanderlust against the jagged shorelines of nothingness amidst an ocean of whirling chaos and turmoil. oh how ye cruel sirens of oceanic voices sing wan the hymns of calamity woven with deft into the hum of gentle zephyrs. how ye stir the careful breeze nuzzled in sails erected for the heavens to a roaring beast of animosity set upon the decimation of all in roam of the eternal waters of life. god is dead, and the damned walk among us.

>>10457310
Jokes on you, I'm always currently writing my first novel since I mainly write poetry

>>10457379
I'm going to fucking vomit

Yellow red and blue pin-point photons
funnel through my irises and meld within my mind--

Jagged text and dull letters spelling
spilling spools of frayed threads spiral down a drain.

Dare I shrink and climb within these sewers?
Will I find my string should I get lost?

Instead I spew shit across my screen,
hitting post with a shit-eating grin.

>>10130617
The general critique heavily favors prose. As a frequenter of poetry critique threads, I can assure you they're better off self contained, for a handful of posters in these threads, myself included, write almost strictly poetry and want good advice rather than 'I can't explain why, but this is good/bad' or simply being ignored. Scrolling through any typical poetry thread, you'll see the very clear line between those who know what they're doing and those who don't.

"Human nature is a double-helix of self discovery and escapism with thoughts of I filling the space inbetween."

>>9862953
I went back and tried this the right way. Still not exactly right. It is fun, but tough with a time limit. Here's what I got, and I will be continuing this, and editing this, outside this thread to touch up rhythm and form:

Wait. Wait and see, patiently.
See the sky: Sea of sky -wait-

si, a cloud. A cloud or two
adrift in sea of blue. Wait.

Too, see land. A sea-shore line.
Where green and blue combine. Wait.

A soft stream sky-sea flowing,
blowing over fir and -wait-

skin--waterfalling down to
horizontal land-lakes. Wait.

Taste the moon-sugar blending
with sky-river's kiss. Await

refreshing bliss from a sip
of lung this rushing rill. Wait--

unroot--de-weed floor of feet.
Carry up the current, wait,

and brave the deep which turns black.
Patiently, just see and wait.

Blended sugar turns to salt
which glitters in the dark. Wait

through pain from salt-in-wound to
see the sun, and moon, await-

ing simultaneously
those patient to sit and wait.

>>9862953
Never written in this form before. I think I got it right. I struggled desu.

Stars will drip off harvest moon.
Tears that slip in darkest gloom.

Doom does black this faithless night,
soon to weep all motes of light.

Bright will shine the hollow eye
Right center of dewy sky--

This glint from a distant sun
gives hint of false reflection.

Then, bleeding slow, forgotten,
them liquid suns, dropping,

will feed dirt the light of life.
Still tonight, I'll kick the earth

Birth may and will come again;
first my eyes must loose a sun.

Poetry. Dealer's choice on specific kind.

>>9664212
Listen. I saw you post this in the poetry thread too; I don't know what you expect to hear. It has flow, sure--you need a hyphen after feed (even though you're trying not to use punctuation for some reason (punctuation allows you to preform more interesting tricks with your structures))--but it doesn't do anything. Much like what seems to be in theme with your routine. Write something real if you want real advice.

>>9620275
Nope.

>>9620183
Dialog is pretty good. I don't know much about planes, so this feels nicely informative and reasonable. Once you start writing straight prose though it gets just a little sloppy. Could use some finagling to improve the overall structure and readability. But really isn't all that bad. After some editing I would probably read it all through. Keep it up.

>>9619987
>let's have a comfy thread
That's always my hope.

As for your piece, it's very good. At least, compared to most of what's posted here. And still by that comparison it does not mean it is merely average. Great control of voice, and solid progression of thought and imagery. Definitely attention grabbing and I would read more.
I believe your grammar could be touched up a little, not much. To note example, your second sentence, I believe, would benefit from a comma after 'boards' and after 'ears' to help stand out the average segments of imagery eventually combining by the end if the sentence.
Keep writing brother.

>>9620207
>>9620189
I'm going trust these crits as being good advice for >>9620034.
If I get bored I may eventually revisit and read it. But I don't have much time right now.

>>9620183
Will read and give crit in an hour or so. Going to eat and going home from Starbucks before I'll be back to internet.

>>9620138
Answering you, posting my own little opening I just threw together, then giving out some crits.

>Man vs Reality:
-)A bizarre instance of Deja-Vu causes Daniel to momentarily gain control over reality; allowing him to influence others into doing what he pleases. It lasts merely minutes, and shakes Daniel to the core as he soon is overwhelmed with the need to recreate and understand how this had happened. This will lead Daniel on a quest to realize that he is actually living in a reality simulator which he himself created to extend his conscious life when he learned he was terminally ill. Daniel then becomes faced with the devastating realization that this reality he is living in is a lie.
-)Man vs Author is fairly similar in the fact that the character realizes his existence and reality are being actively written by a godlike author. That he has no control over his actions or the world for it is all bring decided by the author.
-------
This may become the intro paragraph to a post-apocalyptic story I've been thinking about trying to write. Wondering if it's interesting enough to make the reader want more:

The little light remaining of day bleeds red and pools between skyscrapers on the notch of horizon cut by sixty-second street as Neville, walking, admires the spectacle. Occasionally he will look down away at the shoddy boardwalk he's on to avoid approaching gaps, some large enough to slurp the foot and leg of an unaware or misguided step like a wet noodle, while many of the planks complain quietly under his weight. Roughly every ten feet on either side of the walkway are posts strung up with and tangled together by black vines of colorless Christmas lights--though it is mid-March--whose dim beads of illumination begin to find their place from the daylight upon the mossy boardwalk and in rippling reflection atop the murky water below. Neville soon approaches an intersection within the surrounding buildings. The walkway here expands into a makeshift wooden piazza the length and width of the intersection supporting a shanty bazaar more brilliantly lit than the boardwalk from the varying forms of illumination shouting from each individual market and merchant. In the center of the marketplace stands a mezzanine bearing a white signboard lit by a spotlight displaying "Steelmarsh Market" stenciled in red paint. Behind the sign on top the mezzanine two armed guards watch over the crowded site.

>>9619932
Being I'm the OP I'd love to, but I do not know German very well. Just enough to be a typical American tourist were I to visit the lovely country. Hopefully a German fluent anon will be able to help.

>>9612182
>Whenever someone asks me about my teenage years I have absolutely nothing to say - it hurts.
No truer statement has been made in this board, and perhaps even this site. Even in games you can at least show someone the progress you've made. But here, nothing remains at the end of the day but a sense of hiraeth and oneirataxia.

>>9609038
I've gotta work in twenty min and this is just a bit long to read and crit in that time. If I'm not too tired tonight I'll get to it. Or else there's a good chance I will tomorrow morning (~20 hours from now).

>>9609028
I'll probably get around to it sooner or later. It's just easier when it's not an image and actually typed out in a post. That way I can copy, edit, and read it all much clearer and easier.

>>9608665
Remove the comma after blossom tree. Also, optionally, specify what type of blossom tree (cherry fits well, if not cliche; this image is already fairly cliche though). You don't need an before ice-cream unless it's a type of ice cream ('she had a strawberry ice-cream' or 'she had an ice-cream cone'). Add with before petals falling and remove the comma after face; or add were after petals and replace the comma with as.
Otherwise it's a fine and clear image.

>>9608465
Auto-correct is a P.O.S.
In the second edit of the sleep paralysis line, I meant to say 'evaporate' not evaporating
>His pupils slowly evaporate as he fought for control of his body, while finger by finger, limb by limb he became paralyzed.

>>9607659
If you're happy with the other crit, then I'm going to leave it. This stuff is time consuming and I don't have all day--not that I don't want to help.

>>9607262
>Wall clock kept ticking...
There's not really a stylistic reason to omit 'the' before wall clock
>His eyes began to turn misty while he fought for control of his body and finger by finger he started to become paralyzed, unable to move a muscle.
Change while to as and change 'and' to while. It flows and forms the the image better. 'Began to turn' and 'Starting to become' are repetitions; just remove began to turn and make 'starting to become', 'became'. It reads much better as:
>His eyes turn misty as he fought for control of his body while finger by finger he became paralyzed, unable to move a muscle.
or, removing all redundancies:
>His pupils slowly evaporating as he fought for control of his body, while finger by finger, limb by limb he became paralyzed.
But at least take note of the first edit.
>The boy still unable to move let out a sigh of relief, which was cut midway for he felt a warm blow in his ear...
Change for to when or else add an additional comma after midway.

Not bad overall. Just minor edits required as I've pointed out--there are still others as well. But it's interesting and fairly well written. I'd keep reading. Also, you said you're thinking about making the last graph present tense, but it is present. If you are asking if it's a good touch, I think it is and you should roll with it.