/lit/ - Literature

I don't enjoy George RR Martins writing simply because it seems so long winded, and the stories move so slowly.

Give me Robert E Howard any day, which I'm sure someone here thinks is trash.

>>2800382

Should have said :

Jakoon turned to see the bony knuckles strike him, snapping his head to the side in a spray of blood. He could hear the man's laughter in his pounding ears, ridiculing and punishing him.

It's a draft but there's quite a bit of punctuation problems. They aren't a problem until it's published, unless they detract from someone trying to read it.

You're doing wayy too much telling not showing.

Someone doesn't just punch someone else, they have to do it with gusto.

Here is how you wrote it:
One yelled out, “You a stupid Elf,” and proceeded to knock Jakoon out with one well placed punch to the face.

Here is more showing instead of telling:
Jakoon turned to see as the bony knuckles struck him, snapping his head to the side in a spray of blood. He could hear the man's laughter in his pounding ears, ridiculing and punishing him.

Etc etc. Just an example.


But I would write it anyways, it doesn't mean it'll be be any good. It wont, and in 6 months you'll cringe reading it. However no writing is wasted. Even if you end up using a scene or character in something else, or at the least practice.

The rapier pierced Conrad's slender shoulder, making him pull back from shock and pain. The spaniard smiled wickedly, grinning a mouthful of rotten teeth, savoring the moment with blood shot eyes. Conrad could feel the cold steel in his shoulder, the throbbing in his temples.

The spaniard smiled and moved closer to Conrad, so close his breath smelled of decay as they locked gazes, eye to eye. "Conrad De leeit, how does such fine steel cut?" He pointed to the rapier's hilt, "I know of the maker, he's better than any frenchman."

>>2786459

I actually work in IT :(

>>2786439

Told you, I can barely type.

>>2786439

No but I am drunk. However, if you want realism how about this:

Hannah was gay for riley, but in the real world dykes look like guy, wronging the world with fat guys and bad tattoos.

Hannah was no different, she smelled like a trucker and spoke in a deep, heavy voice, "Hey, fetch me a beer. The game is on."
Riley looked up from her meth pipe, "Beer? Have some of this," she said offering her drug.
Hannah waved her arm, "Fine I'll get it myself, and pick this shit up!" She kicked the vacuum cleaner that sat near the couch, it had been months since it had been moved, or used. "I work construction all day and this is what I come to?"
Riley looked up, taking another drag, "So what, you wanted to be a man, now you get to put up with the shit."

Conan.

In age of politically correct BS, i find Robert E howards worlds refreshing. That and he's the best writer in history, imo.

>>2786417

my typos have typos hehe. Well ive had a few beers.

Riley smiled at hannah, "Are you read?"
Hannah bit her lip, nodding softly, thinking about what pleasures would come next.
Riley disappeared beneath the covers, "It's not awkward, is it?" she asked a final time.
"No, just hurry," hannah replied.
Riley touched her thighs softly still hidden under the sheet. She didn't want to go too fast, she wanted to enjoy it.
Hannah could feel her wetness, it ran in drops down her shaved pussy, soaked the sheets underneath. She had never felt this sensation before, the soft touch of another woman.

Riley lowered her touch to the soft mound, dancing along the inner lips gracefully. She could feel how warm and wet the pussy was, Hannah was ready. Riley dove into it ravenously, sucking on the sweet button and running her tongue around it, causing louder moans from hannah.


Sorry, without more information like nicknames and other shit thats the best I can do. Besides im not editing here, that';s for you to do.

Dennis gripped the gun as blood ran from his arm, dripping to the rotten planks of the porch. The light from inside spilled out from the wide door jam, framing it, drawing him like a beacon.

He kicked the wooden entrance, throwing it from its hinges and sending it shattering to the floor.

Dennis entered raising the gun, aiming it at the patrons, cool as the grave.
"Where's my wife," he asked the now silent crowd, drawing whispers and fear. A man rose throwing his chair back and raced to the back entrance.

Dennis snaped the gun toward the target, endless years of training taking over. The glock's hammer struck, sending a whisper of thundering smoke in , its bullet striking the man in the man as his momentum carried him into another table. Falling to the floor he pulled the table with him, spilling drinks to the floor.

"Where is she?!" Dennis cried, moving forward and thrusting the weapon into the scared faces of the patrons.

I always preferred action.

I think it depends on the situation and the genre. For something like twilight? Yea i'd skip the big words. For something like Conan? Use them.

>>2776515

I'm going to level with you, I have no idea what qua means or is .

Write what you want to read. I have a character that's basically identical to conan, but I could care less. I want to live in that characters world for a awhile. I breathed life into my own character, and by damn if I want to do him, I will.

There is someone out there who' a fan of conan that likes similar stories. Just as theres a fan out there of the 64 different ways to use graham crackers and pudding.

Just do what you want. (unless it has vampires, witches and werewolves all in the same book. Then don't, you're a pox.)

I grabbed my bitch and threw her down
Grabbed her hips and spun her round
Smacked her ass with a thud
and spread her pussy with my wood
I said, "quiet bitch, im almost there."
She said, "shut up and pull my hair."
I dumped a load in her ass
she farted a cum bubble with her gas
I said "god you fat nasty slut"
She said, "idiot you came in my butt."

>>2776377


hehe cool! I've never written anything erotic, this should be fun.

Cletus the red neck slapped his brother's naked ass, "Come on. I love it when you scream. Your ass looks so pretty with them overalls bout your ankles." He grinned, baring a mouth of rotten black teeth.

"Cletus you ain't gonna make me your woman no more," Bubba said pushing himself up. He turned to face Cletus, his unshaved crotch festered with lice and rot. "I give good as I get now," he smiled lifting lifting a revolver. "I'm gonna make you wear sissies clothes." Bubba licked his fat lips and smiled wide.


Okay, that didn't end where I thought it would, but it's fun!

>>2776445

You know, when i type fast like that I do stupid things. Yes, lit, I know high is not the same as hi. I'm just a fat fingered fool.

I try to imagine my characters and what they see and feel, and how that affects them.

Like If I feel like I'm a miner, covered in dirt and coal dust, and my face is smeared with it, sticking from sweat. I could feel the dust in my hair like sand.

And I just get home from work, and I sit down to watch TV and crack a beer, I'd be tired, and that beer would be cold and taste like Gods own heaven.

But if the cable's out, suddenly all my joy is gone and it reminds me how much my back aches and my feet hurt.


So i'd call the cable company, but I wouldn't say high how are you. When the voice picked up on the other end, maybe its a sweet young woman sounding happy. I wouldn't care. I'd say, "God damnit the fucking cables out again. Get me someone over here right god damn now!"
And he's customer service, so she'd say, "I'm sorry sir for the inconven-" And i'd cut her off, "You fucking cunt get me a god damn guy here right fucking now!"

So there. I ramble a bit. But that's what I do.

Then kill off a character, hell kill off the main character. Who cares, but it's one cheap and easy way to move the storing along.

Novella or novel? Cause I got burned out after my first novel but not a novella. There should be plenty of deep sub plots and other character background that wouldn't fit into a short story that you could go into.

Do a flashback of one of the periphery or even the main character. Maybe an event that made him the way he is, or something else that held meaning.

>>2776135

Oh and to clarify I actually meant frigid or icy water. I didn't edit it but I had made a mental note while I was typing . The "Then," also seemed too abrupt for me, but as I said. There no sense in spending 10 minutes editing a a 3 minute post that will be on page 9 in hours. I love numbers.

>>2776135

Thanks, I was trying to give the op another view of flash fiction in a different way. I'm more of a novel/short story man myself.

So lets make this a flash fiction thread and write some flash fiction!

Julie danced in wild circles, throwing her head back and feeling the warm light of a summer day. Then she heard a piercing scream, and cries that made her feel scared. "What's going on?" she wondered. Soon she could hear, like jumping from water. Her parents were sobbing. "Don't be scared mommy and daddy. I like the sun."

Her eye was pushed open with a latex covered finger, and a bright flashlight scorched her vision. "She's gone," the doctor muttered hearing the endless drone of the flat lined EKG."Note the time."

Julie felt warm again, spinning on the grass field with her head thrown back, giggling playfully.