/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.22176716]

>Features Frank as the protagonist who encounters a range of characters obviously made to imitate /lit authors like Zulu, Krake, Hartley and Waldun.
Is this the "/lit renaissance" people keep shilling? Because if so, it's pathetic.

[Anonymous No.22176718]

Probably Fucking Gardner on AI

[Anonymous No.22176724]

>>22176718
who is al

[Anonymous No.22176730]

>>22176716
Sounds based.

[Anonymous No.22176732]

>>22176716
>RhymeAndGrind is a cavetroll rescued from the Appalachian wilderness by a mountain insurgency and taught English in a makeshift caravan.

idc if this is Frank or not I want this in hardback

[Anonymous No.22176748]

People still pretend to read these?

[Anonymous No.22176754]

>>22176748
Idk man. Wouldn’t count on a high readership given this might be one of the scariest books ever written.

[Anonymous No.22176780]

Ugh. I can smell it from here.
Hopefully United Airlines will sue him for trademark violation.
Who am I kidding...he's not important enough to catch their attention.

[Anonymous No.22176783]

>>22176716
I would pay $15 for a paperback copy of this.

[Anonymous No.22176794]

>inspired by the works of /lit/

What are the works of lit

[Anonymous No.22176796]

So he based some characters on non-public figures?
That opens him up to defamation charges, if he portrays any of them negatively.
His lawyer father should have advised him not to do that.
And since Frank is supported by his rich parents, they'll be the ones who have to pay.
Let the lawsuits fly!

[Anonymous No.22176799]

>>22176794
Big list here: https://lampbylit.com/magazine/authors/

[Anonymous No.22176820]

>>22176799
Thanks. Any of this shit any good? I read harassment architecture and could tell it was written by a Twitter shit poster. Wasn’t impressed but was occasionally entertained by it.

[Anonymous No.22176860]

>>22176820
You might as well get Tales then. It's cheap and like small portions of most of the important guys and then if you like something you can go from there. That's probably the reason it's the most talked about self-pub on the board.

[Anonymous No.22176889]

>>22176860
What is Tales

[Anonymous No.22176892]

>>22176820
You can always look at the Amazon reviews for the books.
Better yet, after reading the synopses on Amazon, check out their "Look Inside" portion, and make your own decisions.
I personally enjoyed "Son Of The Sun", "Salvation On Peril Island", and "Xenos Depths", but that's just my personal choice in fiction.

[Anonymous No.22176896]

>>22176820
Start with the trilogy

[Anonymous No.22176903]

>>22176820
Start with the Australians

[Anonymous No.22176941]

>>22176820
Right now the big thing is apparently Mixtape Hyperborea. I read it myself and I can say the reviews on amazon/goodreads seem honest and accurate.
>>22176892
You forgot the image you normally post with this.

[Anonymous No.22176948]

>>22176896
If you're going to read 'Behead All Satans', don't pay money for it. It's schizo garbage.
Read it for free here: https://files.catbox.moe/tssf7s.zip

[Anonymous No.22176955]

>>22176941
NTA...I personally prefer >>22176799

[Anonymous No.22176975]

>>22176889
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BVTFZ1TF

Tales of the Unreal. An anthology of short stories from unreal press. Lots of the regulars contributed to it.

[Anonymous No.22176977]

>>22176955
So do I, but this dude is in like EVERY /lit/ selfpub thread, encouraging people to go read amazon previews instead of asking for recommendations.

[Anonymous No.22176978]

>>22176941
What the fuck are half of these. I consider myself well versed and I have never, I mean NEVER heard of Salvation, Son of the Sun, The Mystery, or The seeds of doubt. Faceless is only vaguely familiar because of the James Krake name which leads me to believe this whole thread was created by him in order to shill his garbage pulp 14 posts down

[Anonymous No.22176979]

>>22176977
Sounds sensible to me...people should make their own decisions, not outsource their thinking to others.
Relying on reviews for /lit/ books is also pretty pointless, given their near-total lack of exposure.

[Anonymous No.22176987]

>>22176978
Well, now you've heard of them. So what next?
The OP pastebin in >>>/lit/wg/ has links to free-to-read copies of several /lit/ novels, if money is an issue for you.

[Anonymous No.22176997]

>>22176941
Shit like this should not be allowed to associate with the /lit/ renaissance. I mean it. A cover with zero effort selling at 92 cents written by a literal who. It's not even the same ballpark as &amp and Mixtape Hyperborea so don't clog the freeway.

[Anonymous No.22177002]

>>22176987
So now I hopefully never hear of them again until you inevitably start shilling, JAMES

[Anonymous No.22177004]

>>22176997
Guys gotta learn to not judge a book by its cover.

[Anonymous No.22177005]

>>22176997
It's a kids' book, anon.

[Anonymous No.22177008]

>>22177002
If you're not interested in /lit/ books, why are you even in this thread?
Just to shit of people?
Why not link to some of your own writing, so we can shit all over it?
And you have no idea who I am. Don't even pretend.

[Anonymous No.22177022]

>>22176978
This thread was obviously created by Gardner.
No one else in Satan's unholy creation, except him, has even heard of this book.

[Anonymous No.22177033]

Give me the qrd on Nesmer
Why is he a pig?

[Anonymous No.22177040]

>>22177033
pure kino, can't wait for the screen adaptation

[Anonymous No.22177047]

>>22177033
I just noticed the OP image says "G. Farmer".
Ths writing sample confirms it...this isn't a Gardner book.
There isn't a single misspelled word in that sample, so it can't be Gardner.
This whole thread is a sham.

[Anonymous No.22177074]

>>22177002
lol your dumber than cartman trying to guess mysterions identity
https://youtu.be/sFWhgcLl-Rk?t=50

[Anonymous No.22177252]

>>22177033
Nesmer: an actual pig person, a hog monster, swine of the highest degree, porker supreme, an absolute boar, sow without doubt, and a bona fide undeniable piglet of purest pedigree

[Anonymous No.22177295]

Wait...this is an actual book...
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0C8TNWZJ5
Doesn't appear to be Gardner, but someone parodying him.

[Anonymous No.22177341]

>>22177295
from the copypasta archives comes a different gardner parody..."call of the plants!"

The man and the woman stands next to each other. In the lab. Where they study things. By smart people. They were looking at a plant. But not standing too close. To each other. This was the mans doing. Girls are icky.
"I think this plant is alive" the man says.
"Well of course its alive it's a plant who ever heard of a dead plant" the woman expounded with deternimation.
"No that's not what I meant I mean it can, think for itself and has self awearness and in, addition to all that its sentient" the man explains.
"Your crazy plants can't do that" the woman screeches like a harpy.
"Oh yes they can I know it I am absolutely, certain see the way it gives me that dirty look its a, bad plant maybe I will stop watering it" the man says as he bowls the woman over with his superior inteleck.
"You are stupid and your ideas are stupid" the woman pouts hottily in a manner of hating.
"No your stupid you are a woman and I am a, famous scientist and you're just a lab assississtant and I get, payd more than you so neener neener" the man states with pride in his speech.
"Ooooo Im telling on you cause your a, sexist and being a sexist is bad and against women and not good" the woman says by way of angriness.
"Your darn right Im sexy thank you for noticing but I don't like you because your a woman and you have cooties" the man in a smarmy way.
The light shown through the window. The big window. A rectangle. On the other side of the window was the outside. Of the building. That they were in. It was a science factory.
"No I don't mean it like that hey I know why, don't we have a long conservation in this labortory and then we, can discuss whether the plant is sentence" the woman convincess the man into doing.
"Okay yeah sounds fun wheee lets do this" the man says while getting all pumped and posing, like Halk Hogan the strongis man in the world.
"Okay you go first show me any, sign the plant is a smarty pants" the woman throws out there.
"Ha Im not falling for your, trick plants dont wear pants even tho the, words kinda sound the same" the man says with triumph in his voice.
"Oh ya what about Chrismas trees they wear skirts haha you got moded" the woman cheers with the brute force of all her womanly feelings.
"Ya but this plan isn't wearing, a skirt cause it's a boy plant because he, told me so" the man says while jabbing his finger in the direction.
"Your gonna hafta do better than that" the woman told him by way of speaking.

[Anonymous No.22177348]

>>22177341
"Okay here we go hang on to your seatbelt cause this is gonna be a bumpy ride" the man rubs his hands together like he's cold but hes not.
"So okay listen up plant I want you to tell me if sedevacantism is the one true way and if you think so then make no movement at all" he calls out with great confidence.
And true to their word the plant just, sits there and does nothing marking, a great victor for the man cause he's a famous scientist and she's, just an assistant whos just paid to look pretty and doing a darn job of it.
"Oh yeah well this isn't over yet okay plant listen to me if you think the man here is a big poopy head then just sit still and don't make a false move" she says smugly with vindication.
The man reaches toward the plant and pushes the pot and it wiggles around in a seductive dance that makes all the plantofiles really hot under the collar.
"Hey that's not fair you pushed the plant it, was perfectly willing to stay still if you didn't make, it dance involuntary and against its will" the woman said with an accusation tone. In her voice. Out of her mouth. The one with the lipstick. Because girls ware lipstick.
"Nuh uh the plant told me to do that because it wanted, to dance and also you were wrong and what's a matter you, didn't hear the plant say that boy do you look dumb write now" the man says as he dances with the plant with kept dancing to the music in their ears.
"Oh you awful man you're, such a meanie I can't even believe it you give, men everhwere a bad name and if you had one iota of brains in your head you would know that you're a big dumb head and I'll never be your girlfriend cause these legs are closed for business ha ha in your face" the woman accuses in that bitchy way.
"Oh yeah well your not real you're just a tulpa and I've been imagining you the whole time what do you think of that" the man reaches a stirring climax with an, incredible twist truly one for the ages.
"Oh yeah well I'm rubber and you're glue and you bounce off me and stick to you and what's more there's no takebacks so you lose" the woman says for no particulate reason any one can fashion.
"Oh yeah well I called times and so nothing that happened today counts which makes me the big victory and so you loose" the man pumps his fists. Into the air. In cerebration.
"You die now" she says.
"No u" he says.
The man and woman rech for each others, throats and strangle the banjo out of each, other and fall to the floor and die at the, exact same time wow isnt that an incredible coincident.
"Can I say something about this?" the plant interrupted. "I am an angel of the Lord, and I bring a message of great import for all mankind. And that message is–"

[Anonymous No.22177353]

>>22177348
"Buckle your seat belts, we're approaching terror-bulence!"

[Anonymous No.22177370]

>>22177353
I actually bought the book. I'm now 26% of the way through it.
There's no way this is Gardner; it's too imaginative, and there are very few misspellings and homonyms.
Gardner simply isn't mentally capable of writing something this solid.
I hope it sells better than Frank's actual books, and the humiliation of being pwned so badly makes him schizo...more so.

[Anonymous No.22177377]

>>22177370
If I was given the right odds I would take the bet that you're both Farmer and Gardner. I have no problem with any of this either way, funny, confusing stuff.

[Anonymous No.22177426]

>>22177377
I'm neither.
I was actually really reluctant to buy the book.
I never want any of my money to go to Gardner.
I finally decided there was no way Farmer and Gardner are the same person.
Too bad I couldn't find the public-domain version hinted at in the OP picrel.
I'll say this, though...I'm now very sad I never completed my own sick burn on Gardner. Now I won't be the first one.
Part of the problem was that I could feel myself getting dumber as I wrote it, and it took a while for that feeling to wear off. Pretty unnerving.
I'm just over 8,000 words into it...maybe I should continue. Now that "sick burns on Gardner" is now a genre and all.

[Anonymous No.22177463]

>>22177426
Yeah make it into a recurring genre. Maybe even make a neat little server for you and the other gardner parodies to have a community and share in jokes and upcoming projects. Maybe one day someone will write a book about a bunch of Gardner parodies on a plane with myriad references and nudge nudges to the Gardner Parody Renaissance

[Anonymous No.22177497]

>>22177426
>Now that "sick burns on Gardner" is now a genre and all.
Who stands to gain by this? It's elementary my dear Gardner he said as he smoked his pipe that was in his hand on one of his arms.

[Anonymous No.22177507]

>>22177497
Lmao

[Anonymous No.22177522]

>>22176794
just google "shit"

[Anonymous No.22177573]

>>22177426
Nah, just pack it in, the joke is already blown and no one is going to top this. My favorite part is how Farmer perfectly captures the insane obliviousness of Gardner and his protagonists, talking about United Airlines as if it literally did not exist before he learned about it.

[Anonymous No.22177684]

>>22177033
god the writing is ass

[Anonymous No.22178330]

>>22177573
Nah, my sick burn has a completely different "plot", and goes through more effort to harp on his awful writing style.
The only editing I do is to place commas in even more inexplicable locations.

[Anonymous No.22178335]

>>22177522
Oh yeah?
Then post your writing, since it's obviously so superior to /lit/ novels.

[Anonymous No.22178338]

>>22177497
>Who stands to gain by this?
People who are totally sick of Gardner?
Which, at this point, is everyone on 4chan?

[Anonymous No.22178340]

>50 posts
>14 IPs
This is a very natural thread. Not a discord raid. No chance of that. Nope. No way this is just a discord raid.

[Anonymous No.22178360]

>>22178340
Of course it's a discord raid. Look at who's in the OP. It's just the Unreal discord trannies trying to meme themselves into some temporary relevance.

[Anonymous No.22178387]

I thought it was funny, frank will be pissed when he sees it

[Anonymous No.22178395]

>>22178340
>>22178360
So what if it's a discord raid. Most people who see this thread won't see your bitching. They won't look at the IP count. They won't even make the connection to Unreal or know about our discord.
You lost and Frank lost. Astroturfing works and you're a bitch. Get over it.

[Anonymous No.22178427]

>>22178360
I know this paragraph looks like it has meaning. It is structured using syntax you are familiar with using words that are very common, but trust me it doesn't actually say anything.

[Anonymous No.22178441]

>>22178395
The gag was almost funny until you let that slip. You're right though, I probably wouldn't have noticed. I notice now though.

[Anonymous No.22178487]

>>22178441
Who cares?
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
And Francis Edward has stupidly made a bunch of strangers on 4chan into his enemies, with his constant shill-spamming, same-fagging, and general unpleasantness.
Though if G. Farmer ever attempts another troll like this, he may want to incorporate more of Gardner's "qualities":
• short sentence fragments
• meandering viewpoints
• typos
• homonyms
• overtelling rather than showing
• inconsistent tense
• cardboard-cutout characters that speak in cliches
• philosophy out of nowhere
• lots of commas
• confusing plurals with possessives
• mixing singular and plural
His sick burn has some of these qualities, but not all of them.

[Anonymous No.22178495]

>>22178387
Hopefully it pushes him over the edge.
Looks like it's a long fall from the window of the apartment his parents bought for him.
Can't wait for Amazon to show its first ranking for this book.
I remember when Frank crowed about "Machine Elves" rising up to #86,000.
Anything above that for United Airlines will simply be delicious.
Look how Frank's nonsense has united us! He should be so proud of his accomplishment.

[Anonymous No.22178546]

>>22178487
>my enemy
Speak for yourself schizo. Imagine being so buttblasted by the half conscious antics of a literal retard that you mark him as your blood enemy.
The only reason you guys have so much vitriol for Frank is because he's winning. The guy has never cooked a meal in his life, wears Velcro shoes, has never had a real job and barely skated through high school with a 2.2 GPA -- and he's walloping you so thoroughly that you feel the need to conduct coordinated discord raids on an anonymous image board in the faint hopes that you can convince anyone that he's the loser here. Just look at the seethe dripping from this post. >>22178495. Visibly fuming that Frank hit a five digit BSR.
The funny thing is, the average person doesn't need to be convinced that Frank is a loser. It's obvious. The only reason you guys think otherwise is because he's more successful than you and you're not a loser, right? Of course not.. haha..

[Anonymous No.22178557]

>>22176716
That's awesome. Read the excerpt and it really does a decent job trying to imitate Gardner. That said. Good for Gardner making it as an indie author. He did what so many of us can only dream about

[Anonymous No.22178560]

>>22178557
Not a new IP. Astroturfing.

[Anonymous No.22178563]

>>22176716
>G. Farmer

[Anonymous No.22178572]

>>22178546
>Visibly fuming that Frank hit a five digit BSR.
There's actually a funny story as to why he's so mad about that. The guy seething is Zulu Alitspa, the guy who did the weekly book rankings that got posted in /wg/ a couple months back. He quit doing that because one week had seven different Gardner books in it and the next week had five. The fact that advertising /lit/'s most popular authors meant advertising mostly Gardner resulted in a mental break.

[Anonymous No.22178574]

>>22178560
I got some new P for you, open up and say ah

[Anonymous No.22178721]

>>22178338
That doesn't make any sense Gardner. More promotion for Gardner would not benefit those sick of Gardner.

[Anonymous No.22179953]

>>22178546
>blood enemy
jumping to unsupported conclusions
very gardner-esque
>he's winning
you've been banned from nearly every web site out there
you'll be banned from youtube once they catch you buying likes/subscribes on fiverr from third world losers
>never cooked a meal in his life
good...you'll die early from malnutrition
>>22178572
>gardner pays third world losers on fiverr to buy his books
pathetic public self stroking

[Anonymous No.22180355]

>>22178572
tell me more about this zulu character, very sus
i have it on good authority that he and frank have a catamite-patrician relationship but have not been able to determine who fulfills each role

[Anonymous No.22180461]

>Goth Cheerleader does another half-assed cheer
OK, that was awesome.
Much better than Gardner deserves.

[Anonymous No.22180495]

>>22180355
>tell me more about this zulu character
Just another /lit/ author who thinks that a high school education is the only qualification necessary to become an author. Has nothing to say, just wants to be seen saying something in the vain hope that he'll see himself as anything other than a doordash driver living with his father well into wizardry.
Seems to have only started shilling his shit here in 2022. Has become increasingly desperate for recognition over the past couple month, likely due to the fact that he's been circling the drain since his father kicked him out of the house a couple months back.
I cannot confirm or deny a catamite-patrician relationship, but I can confirm that if given the chance, Zulu would suck the lint out of Gardner's bellybutton if there was even a sliver of a chance of senpai noticing him.

[Anonymous No.22180499]

Just finished reading it.
Excellent sick burn on Gardner. Totally worth 99 cents.
Now, if Gardner doesn't want to completely lose face, he'll have to write a parody of the works of one of the Unreal Discord Tranny writers.
Sad reality, though...he won't. Because he can't.
He can barely handle the unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish he shits out.
That's checkmate, Francis Edward.

[Anonymous No.22180506]

>>22180499
>Now, if Gardner doesn't want to completely lose face, he'll have to write a parody of the works of one of the Unreal Discord Tranny writers.
Case in point. The entire thing is a desperate bid for Gardner's attention. I wonder how you discord trannies will handle the rejection this time.

[Anonymous No.22180526]

>>22178495
What is it about a man self publishing funny meme novels for 5 bucks on amazon that deserves this level of enmity

[Anonymous No.22180564]

>>22180506
There's the deflection we expect from you, phony.
Rest assured, I will bring up your inability to respond in every one of your shill-spamming threads, from now on.
>>22180526
You must be new here.
Gardner is a seething schizo samefagging pseud.
He's also intensely arrogant, and feels qualified to shit on other writers, even though his work is unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish.
He's been banned from nearly every web site out there, and had literally thousands of fake reviews removed from Amazon and GoodReads.
He fantasizes about being a famous writer, even claiming he makes a living from his books, when it's painfully obvious his rich parents are far too indulgent with him, and if it wasn't for them, he'd be homeless or dead.
You can follow the breadcrumbs from picrel, and find that, until recently, he still lived at home with mommy and daddy, despite being 33 years old at the time.
In short...he may be the most pathetic, unpleasant shadow of a human being that ever lived.

[Anonymous No.22180613]

>>22180526
One thing I've noticed over the years is that any genuine hatred of Gardner almost always comes from another /lit/ author.
You and I can look at Gardner as funny mental illness man making meme books, but there's a certain subsect of /lit/ that cannot cope with Gardner's relative success.
Zulu is not an outlier. Almost every single /lit/ author is only an author because they want the title of author. They pour thousands of hours into writing, not to tell a story worth reading, but to be seen as a storyteller.
4chan is made up of failures. That is a widely known fact that very few people will fight me on. The average /lit/ author takes this stereotypical disfunction to such a level of absurdity that each one of them could be a main character in a story that's actually worth reading.
>Zulu Alitspa is a failure to launch that is now being kicked out of his home because his father's mail order, ladyboy bride doesn't like him stinking up their shitty apartment
>K.R Hartley is a homeless meth addict who is going to prison next month for beating his girlfriend bloody
>Jason Bryan is an alcoholic deadbeat dad who has put more effort into avoiding the vaccine than he has into learning basic English
>John David Card is an eldritch chameleon that keeps morphing between trad Mormon saint and dragon dildo collecting trans woman in the hopes that he can accumulate enough attention to escape the shackles of minimum wage work in a Chinese controlled Australia.
But none of these "interpretations" are actually true, not because they're not true, but because they're all authors! They're all learned scholarly types! Successful and worldly! So what if Hartley has a penchant for opioids and spousal abuse? That just makes him more like Burroughs!
These people cannot stand Gardner because he makes a mockery of their few remaining shreds of ego. As long as they live in the meme man's shadow they will never escape the sad realities that they inhabit. The title of "4chan author" will always carry the stink of the meme book about crocodiles.

[Anonymous No.22180640]

>>22180613
> genuine hatred of Gardner almost always comes from another /lit/ author
Stopped reading here. We all genuinely hate you you stupid fuck. Kys. No one reads your schlock, no one gives a fuck about your pathetic attempts to meme yourself. This goes for everyone on this board who didn’t just show up this summer, worthless faggot

[Anonymous No.22180724]

>>22180613
Scholarly assessment, but you left out Ogden Nesmer and Lewis Woolston, probably a few others as well.

[Anonymous No.22181194]

>>22180613
Yes, and that would be because Gardner goes out of his way to shit on other /lit/ authors, and acts like he's the queen bitch of /wg/.
He could have been helpful and supportive, but instead, he chose to be a petty, small minded, mean-spirited troll.
And he thinks /wg/ is his, and his alone.
Picrel is one example of that.
Gardner is literally the seething schizo samefagging pseud that's been shitting up /wg/ for years.
He deserves no sympathy.
And now, it's time for him to put up or shut up.
Either answer this with a parody of your own, or accept that you're a shit-tier writer that's barely capable of the unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish that you squeeze out of your ass.
Checkmate, twerp.

[Anonymous No.22181237]

>>22181194
Gardner doesn’t owe you anything you bitter little faggot. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and write something worth reading if you’re so desperate to be recognized as an author.

[Anonymous No.22181311]

>>22181237
Don't you get it? Everything is different now.
You can continue to deflect (poorly), but the bottom line is, you have been challenged.
And until you answer that challenge, you're just a bitter little phony who's been caught red-handed with no skills.

[Anonymous No.22181333]

>>22180495
eww you appealed to authority in the first sentence. what are you, a sub bottom fetishist?

[Anonymous No.22181352]

>>22180613
A small part of me believes that this is all a 4d chess move by Frank Gardner to save 4chan. Imagine if Frank wasn't here dragging down the image of these pseuds. Imagine if someone like JDC, or Jason Bryan, or --and god forbid-- Boswell were the face of /lit/. Imagine if they were allowed to posture freely without Frank putting them in their place.
That small part of me is probably wrong. The larger part of me that thinks Frank is a retard and this is all just a serendipitous coincidence that had Frank standing as a bulwark at the right place and the right time is likely far more accurate. That said, I can't help but respect Gardner just a little for how thoroughly he's blown the fuck out of our population of failed authors, accidental or not.

[Anonymous No.22181412]

>>22180613
And Gardner is a developmentally-disabled alcoholic who is supported by his overly indulgent mommy and daddy, despite being 34 years old, and would be homeless and dead if not for them.
With the advantages he was born into, he could have soared to the limits of his skills, talent, and effort, yet this pathetic state is all he could attain.
He was also busted for paying for thousands–THOUSANDS–of fake reviews on Amazon and GoodReads. Using mommy and daddy's money, of course.
He's been kicked off of nearly every major web site out there, either for fraud or for shill-spamming.
https://reddit.com/r/Crocodiles/comments/j7poea
He tried to run for political office, but was too corrupt and incompetent even for Chicago.
https://columbiachronicle.com/da2d3194-908a-11e3-9bc4-001a4bcf6878
https://southsideweekly.com/something-in-the-water/
People that live in glass houses should wait until nightfall to use the restroom, Francis Edward.

[Anonymous No.22181430]

>>22181412
This is just jealousy at this point. Yeah, Frank gets to live in the lap of luxury as king NEET. You work your ass off to live half the life he has handed to him. This is just more evidence that Frank won

[Anonymous No.22181454]

>>22176716
discord
.gg
/kJPc8nNq

[Anonymous No.22181588]

>>22181311
>but the bottom line is, you have been challenged.
This might be the most pathetic arc in /lit/ history. You need an internet detox Zulu. This place is poisoning your brain.

[Anonymous No.22181599]

>>22181412
So what if he’s broke? At least he tried to make money on his own by chasing his dreams by publishing his shitty novels. Also muh paid reviews sounds like schizo nonsense to me.

[Anonymous No.22181607]

>>22181430
Imagine…
You, a 35 year old male who has never held a job, run sobbing from your computer, the rubber soles of your sonic the hedgehog footy pajamas squeaking on the wood floor. Daddy, daddy, you cry. Father lowers his paper and pats his thigh, asking you what ever is the matter my dear sweet boy? It’s the other 4chan anons, daddy! They won’t buy my book and they keep calling me a faggot! Your father takes out his checkbook. How much will you need this time, precious? You know only one word: more. Well, he says playfullly. You know what this will cost you. You hop gleefully to your knees and begin sucking your fathers cock. After he’s deposited his load and assured you of a further deposit in your bank account, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the reflection of the window on your fathers high rise apartment. You’re losing your already thin hair. Your stubble is coming in, and the nicotine stains on your teeth are apparent even through your uneasy smile. You wipe the cum off your lips. You get an idea for another book, it could be done by tomorrow morning if you can find the time in between grooming sessions. Somewhere in your tiny brain, you are sad. You are Frank Gardner.

[Anonymous No.22181608]

>>22176716
I got a 30 day ban once for typing a post that was mimicking FG's style and some obsessed troony reported it as ban evasion.

[Anonymous No.22181612]

>>22181607
Let it go, you are on 4chan now, you can stop pretending anyone cares about your achievements. If you can't let go, then just stick with plebbit.

[Anonymous No.22181615]

>>22181607
You will never be a copypasta.

[Anonymous No.22181625]

>>22181612
>>22181615
>NOOOOOOOOOOO YOU CANT POST THAT!!!! IM TELLING!!!!

[Anonymous No.22181634]

>>22181625
Exclamation marks are the truest sign of an obsessive redditor pretending to fit in on 4channel.

[Anonymous No.22181644]

>>22181634
>punctuation too spicy
Absolutely wild that a stupid copypasta about Frank sucking his dads dick made you this butthurt, kek

[Anonymous No.22181656]

Zulu, I'm begging you. Seek help. You don't need to waste away your life fighting an internet retard. This is not a fight you're winning right now, and even if you did come out on top, that would not be something to brag about. Quit while you're behind.

[Anonymous No.22181753]

>>22181644
You just imply everything huh? Winning in your own head is what matters most I guess.

[Anonymous No.22181855]

>>22177033
He is the only one Frank truly fears…

[Anonymous No.22181911]

>>22181855
HOLY KEK

[Anonymous No.22181976]

>>22177341
>the woman told him by way of speaking.
You got me good

[Anonymous No.22182102]

>>22180613
>One thing I've noticed over the years is that any genuine hatred of Gardner almost always comes from another /lit/ author.
there has to be one that has their head screwed on correctly.

[Anonymous No.22182416]

>>22181430
Your life as queen bitch of NEETs will be over once your parents pass away.
You'll blow your entire inheritance in a matter of months, and be homeless and destitute.
You simply don't have the brains or the temperament to survive on your own.
>>22181599
No, the paid-review abuse actually happened, on both Amazon and GoodReads.
>>22181634
You will never be a Redditor; you've already been banned from there. Nice try, though.

[Anonymous No.22182440]

Zulu, it’s time to stop. Please.

[Anonymous No.22182468]

>>22182440
okay sorry daddy

[Anonymous No.22182478]

>>22181656
>>22182440
>ZULU PLEASE STOP!!! I’M BEGGING YOU NOOOOO!!

[Anonymous No.22182490]

>>22181352
To the degree that Gardner is–God forbid–the face of /lit/, it's solely due to shill-spamming and same-fagging.
You have no accomplishments; your volumes of unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish barely qualify as activity.
Your shill-spamming threads get removed by the other jannies, despite you being one of them; even they agree you're a noisome troll. That has to burn.
You have absolutely no allies in this world, and no one that deals with you voluntarily.
You grew up with advantages others only dream of, and have absolutely nothing to show for it.
You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
>>22182440
You stop first, Frank.
This would have all ended a long time ago if you weren't such a persistent troll.

[Anonymous No.22182517]

Implying should be a bannable offense

[Anonymous No.22182522]

The gauntlet has been thrown Frank. You can face me in this epic rap battle or you can admit defeat.

[Anonymous No.22182536]

>>22182517
>SAVE MEE JANNIES!!! I’M SEETHING OVER HERE!!!

[Anonymous No.22182574]

So this entire thing is just a desperate attempt to get Gardners attention?

[Anonymous No.22182660]

>>22182574
No, it's an attempt to make Gardner show his writing chops.
Frank, we know you can squeeze unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish from your ass.
But can you adopt another /lit/ writer's style and write a spot-on, astute parody of his work?
You seem to think Call Of United Airlines was written by Zulu; he has at least three novels.
So now, you can either write a parody of his work, or by your omission, admit that you're only capable of unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish, and were never a real writer at all.
The choice is yours.

[Anonymous No.22182722]

>>22180613
>Block me then. You are a tiny and cursed mote on the eye of this entire movement, a hard and egregious splinter. Your inability to even acknowledge your transgression proves your inherent weakness. You are a fucking mosquito, whining in my ear, F Fucking Gardner, the undisputed compost pile of /lit/. Kill yourself lest I waste my prayers. Behold, you’re already buried at my feet. You are no longer in control now. I own you, little man. Please for the love of all that is true—die. Be away with your quickly shallow self. You are a waste of perfectly breathable air. You are sorry, poor of spirit, and grossly over-attended to, full of spite and dying slowly of sadness. Your slow passing won’t yet satisfy satan’s own desire for self-fulfillment—you’re over. You are mine. You dont even get kill yourself without my permission now. You reached your tiny yellow hands into the life of someone I love and for that I will see thoroughly to your end, you dead queer footprint of a former meme. I thought you were just a funny joke, but now you’ve galvanized yourself as the grim fantasy of my darkest sadistic wrath. Might I watch your life slip at the hands of some dystopian cartel from the comfort of my home theatre in the company of family. I will not stop pulling you from your skin until every single insect that crawls near this cess understands that to even be near your shadow means manifesting a curse so black that all that is final and finished results in pain and total torment.
>This is not ‘in minecraft’. Your actual life is nigh. There is no amount of regret that you could ever imagine to feign sufficient to unfuck what you’ve fucked—little, grim corpse. You are the worst and ultimately complete version of Hell’s model prisoner now.
>Death to you..

[Anonymous No.22182745]

>>22182722
Now THAT'S writing.
Let's see Gardner produce something that's even in the ballpark.
He knows he can't, and so does everyone else.

[Anonymous No.22182767]

>NOOOO! You have to respond! You have to acknowledge me! You lose if you don’t acknowledge me!
This one sided rivalry is so sad to watch. You’re punching up at someone who doesn’t even know you exist.

[Anonymous No.22182809]

>>22182767
Sure he knows.
Also, he'll be reminded of this parody every time he tries to shill-spam his awful work.
Everything is different now.

[Anonymous No.22182855]

Who does Frank meet at the Temple of Gloom?

[Anonymous No.22182957]

Is this Frank trying to participate in a writing exercise? >>22182849
Kudos to him for trying, but he gives himself away with his..."unique writing style".

[Anonymous No.22182970]

>>22181855
FRANKBROS…
GET ME OFF THIS PLANE

[Anonymous No.22183634]

No sign of Francis Edward in several hours.
I'm guessing he cried himself to sleep.
His latest attempt to shill-spam, >>22183051, has already been deleted by the jannies.
So much for being the face of /lit/.

[Anonymous No.22183873]

>>22176783
Then you are a fool.

[Anonymous No.22183947]

Guys I'm scared

[Anonymous No.22183982]

Zulu... won.

[Anonymous No.22184123]

>>22176716
>cover is digital photoshop paintbrushes instead of an actual photo of a chalkboard
soulless

[Anonymous No.22184132]

>>22184123
The worst part is that he used a water color brush so you can see all the discoloration from opacity stacking.
The pink text looks especially terrible.

[Anonymous No.22184622]

>>22184123
>reduced to whining about the cover
Just keep digging yourself deeper, clown.
Also, grown-ups don't own chalkboards and colored chalk, Frank.
Did your mommy not tell you that?

[Anonymous No.22184633]

>>22183982
Everyone in this photo looks like a gelatinous blob, but the last time I was in NYC people were thin and attractive. Is it because gig workers are poor?

[Anonymous No.22184658]

>>22184633
The poor in this country have no idea how good they have it, compared to the poor in other countries.
"I want to visit America. I want to see a country where the poor people are fat." -an anonymous Afghani man, interviewed by the American press after 9/11

[Anonymous No.22185273]

>>22183982
Zamn! Zulu looks like that?!

[Anonymous No.22185280]

>>22185273
only known photo of reclusive author Zulu Alitspa

[Anonymous No.22185785]

>>22177684
Isn't it, though? Such a delicious sick-burn of a seething asshole that deserves it 100 times over.

[Anonymous No.22185788]

Even if f Gardner shills his books on lit you’re still more pathetic than him by a mile just for writing a whole book seething about his 5 dollar shitposts

[Anonymous No.22185796]

>>22185788
Not at all. It's continuing a fine tradition of literary sick burns.
Go look up The Dunciad:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunciad

[Anonymous No.22186379]

>>22184132
I assume the choice of brush is meant to evoke clouds.
It's about an airplane, after all.

[Anonymous No.22186834]

Until further notice, I'm going to assume that the goth cheerleader in the novel looks like this.

[Anonymous No.22186964]

>>22183634
Not to worry, Frank...you don't need to write a parody in response to this one.
You can always use your daddy's money to pay for a real writer on Fiverr to make one for you.
Then you can take credit for it.
Granted, everyone will know that you took the coward's way out, but we knew you were going to anyway, so you don't really lose anything.
We know you've got nothing going on inside you...you don't need to try to impress us.
Now doesn't that take the pressure off?
You're welcome!
And you thought we weren't nice people.

[Anonymous No.22187089]

Thank you for inspiring me.
Today I added over 2,000 words to my own sick burn of Gardner's "style" i.e. >>22177426.
It's really freeing to be able to write with no restraints, concept of quality, continuity, or need to edit.
No wonder Gardner cranks out so many of his brain-droppings. All I really need is to have no standards.

[Anonymous No.22187648]

Gardner here!
Glad to see a super, fan go out of his way to replicate my iconic writing style. I would love to play this game with you but unfortunately I'm very busy. Big things in the works. I'm starting my own magazine focused around /lit/'s up and coming talents. I've already managed to raise an initial investment of $70k to get it started so expect big things!
Until then, check out my CYOA that was just released recently. It's got a number of positive reviews so it seems to be a real crowd pleaser.

[Anonymous No.22187834]

>>22178338
I legit love his books for real. F gardner got me back into reading books instead if jist watching tik tok. A book aint got to be written smart to be good or entertaining.

[Anonymous No.22187920]

>>22187648
>It's got a number of bought reviews so it seems to be a real spam pleaser.

[Anonymous No.22188145]

>>22187648
So you admit it replicates your "style"? kek
And you're not busy...you're not employed, and you have no useful skills.
But thanks for playing.
Also, it should cost a lot less than $70k to pay someone to write the parody response that you can't.
But maybe I'm not taking your poisonous reputation into account.

[Anonymous No.22188493]

>>22187648
Do these "up and coming talents" know of your toxic reputation?
Are they concerned about being tainted forever by their association with a seething schizo same-fagging shill-spamming pseud?
And whatever happened to buying 4chan? Fell through, I suppose?

[Anonymous No.22188504]

>>22188493
>And whatever happened to buying 4chan? Fell through, I suppose?
Wow if you'd asked me yesterday "is there anyone dumb enough to get pranked by F Gardner" I would've said no but congrats anon, you should be tested for autism.

[Anonymous No.22188510]

>>22188493
Why are you like this Zulu?

[Anonymous No.22188557]

>>22188504
Deflecting with this much desperation doesn't necessarily finger you as Gardner, but it's still pretty disgraceful.
Enjoy having all your pathetic attempts at shill-spamming flooded with gushing reviews of Call Of United Airlines. Like the 3 I've seen since this thread first graced the catalog of /lit/.

[Anonymous No.22188613]

>>22188557
>>22188493
>>22188145
>>22187920
I really appreciate the effort you put into this parody! If this had come out two months ago I may have taken you up on the offer of comarketing. It is a funny gag and I can tell you've put a lot of time into dissecting my style. You must have read every book front to back. My style generally reviews quite well, though I won't take credit for your work also reviewing well.
I look forward to you contributing to my magazine! Even just snippets of this would be a great addition if you have nothing else ready to go. I've talked with a bunch of graphic designers who have already given me some really nice mockups. I'm thinking of the title "Gardening" because I would be "growing" the other artists on /lit/ and because of the, obvious pun.

[Anonymous No.22188686]

>>22188613
Either there's more than one anon pretending to be Gardner, or he's literally bipolar.
Hey, why not both?
Just know your future attempts to shill-spam on here will be joyously derailed by gushing reviews of Call Of United Airlines.
You'll have to retreat to your YouTube channel, and all the fake views/likes/subscribes purchased on Fiverr with your overly indulgent daddy's money.

[Anonymous No.22188736]

>>22188686
I don't think anyone else in this thread said they were me. I may be mistaken but I think you were jumping to conclusions. It made for good content though! Like I said, if I weren't so busy I may have played along. Next time you should consult me in on Discord or leave on a comment on one of my videos. We could have coordinated this better. Seems almost a waste for you to have poured so much work into this and have gotten nothing out of it. Don't be sad though! When Gardening is up and running I'll reserve a spot for you in issue #1 Zulu!

[Anonymous No.22188829]

>>22176941
I wrote a book too, put it on the list

[Anonymous No.22188888]

>>22188736
What a pathetic attempt at LARPing.
If you acted this politely all the time, none of this would have happened to you.
But now it's too late.
I'm comfortable seeing how this all shakes out in the fullness of time.
I don't think you're going to like it.

[Anonymous No.22188913]

>>22188888
Checked.
I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at here, but I look forward to more writing! I plan to pay my contributors as well so there may be a few bucks in it for you. Sorry I couldn't help you more with this.

[Anonymous No.22188923]

>>22188829
Based.
Don’t give a fuck about the drama; if you’re an anon and you’re writing in spite of the evil machine that is traditional publishing, you’re a good dude

[Anonymous No.22188927]

>>22188913
I guess we'll have to see which Gardner manifests itself going forward—the newly-minted polite one, or the seething schizo same-fagging shill-spamming pseud we all know and hate.
If this parody managed to put your evil side into remission, I think it's succeeded beyond any of our wildest dreams.

[Anonymous No.22188936]

>>22188829
You'll want to post about that on >>>/lit/wg/ and ask pastebin-anon to include it in his list.
The & guy will likely also do the same.

[Anonymous No.22188939]

>>22188927
Don't fall for it Zulu. It's a trap. He's just doing this to hurt &amp.

[Anonymous No.22188963]

>>22188939
I have no illusions that the polite Gardner will survive for even a day.
That said, anything is preferable to his usual psychotic seething.

[Anonymous No.22189269]

>>22188936
thanks Bro

[Anonymous No.22189371]

>>22187648
Hopefully this magazine lasts longer than the attempt to create a 4th volume of /ffa/.

[Anonymous No.22189497]

>>22177033
Lucas had it rough

[Anonymous No.22189591]

>>22189497
Ay, el destino de los broneros

[Anonymous No.22190126]

Extremely stoked for the Gardner interview in the next &amp.

[Anonymous No.22190139]

>>22188829
Hey. Email me at [e-mail], you can have Gardner’s spot on the authors list

[Anonymous No.22190302]

Gardner's latest attempt at shill-spamming >>22189824 has not only been deleted, but the only responses were about Call Of United Airlines...kek
Nice to know the jannies are as tired of his shill-spamming as we are.

[Anonymous No.22190320]

>>22190139
okay

[Anonymous No.22190386]

Release the paperback, Farmer.

[Anonymous No.22190629]

>>22189497
>>22190386
I love the memes, please keep going

[Anonymous No.22190812]

>>22190320
I'm kind of surprised you found this thread first and not /wg/.

[Anonymous No.22191230]

>>22190109
I'll reply here since this is where my fans are, and, this thread isn't completely dead.
Contributors will be paid $40 per page that contribution takes up. I intend to hit 50 pages of content provided from /lit/, and other 4chan artists. That's $2000 per issue. The editor/graphic designer will be paid $1200 per issue. That's $3200 per issue, enough for almost 22 months of issues with the money I've raised already.
>Let me guess, Frank is going to decide what is good enough for compensation.
I will have a team of people reading over this. But yes I will be part of the team deciding what (and who) is good enough for print.
I look at this money as a business expense that will be paid back 100 fold when the magazine is established. I can easily see this being a new Vice magazine now that there is a hole in the market with them collapsing and creating that hole.

[Anonymous No.22191559]

>>22191230
Well I don't see any way this plan can possibly fail. Pack it in Hartley, looks like Gardening Magazine is the future of transgressive fiction.

[Anonymous No.22191622]

>>22191559
>since all my fans are here
Yes, Frank, you're here.
Your only fans are the ones you samefag into existence.
>since this thread is still here
Unlike the ones you start, which get quickly deleted by the jannies.
>promises promises promises
So, a magazine that doesn't exist somehow has more credibility than one that just released its 16th issue, and whose creator hasn't stupidly gone out of his way to alienate and troll everyone in sight.
No one will want to work with you, Frank.
And those that do will change their mind once they get a whiff of your toxic personality.
>what is good enough for print
I've seen your standards for what you think is good enough for print. I'm not hopeful.
I predict your effort will last about as long as the 4th volume of /ffa/, and for the same reason.
Still, it's amusing that you want to play nice all of a sudden.
Here's a pro tip: you can't just pull amicableness out of thin air. You need experience and practice with it, so you don't revert to your old toxic behavior once you're under the slightest bit of pressure. But good luck with it, nevertheless.

[Anonymous No.22191649]

>>22191622
This hysterical hatred of Gardner, especially when he's putting his money where his mouth is, is not a good look for &amp.

[Anonymous No.22191652]

>>22191649
You've only made promises at this point.
Kind of like how you claimed you were buying 4chan.
Maybe you should actually produce something before trying to take credit for it.
But you've been a pseud for so long, that literally doesn't occur to you.

[Anonymous No.22191659]

>>22191652
>you've
>you
>you
>you
>you've
>you
Accusing everyone who calls you out on being obsessed with Gardner is also not a good look Zulu.
What does it cost you to just let him do his thing? Go write out 1500 words and collect your free $120. That's what I'm gonna do.

[Anonymous No.22191700]

>>22191649
nta and I would glady defect to Gardner magazine or whatever if he starts paying 40 bucks per page (an impressive offer) but let's not kid ourselves, F is not "putting his money where his mouth is". This is a colourful claim in an endless series of colourful claims. Like purchasing 4chan, this mag has occupied a void zone for as long as he's been fallen out with unreal. I'll believe it once I see the money, or the mag, or potential contributors, or art, or anything that gives this venture any credibility whatsoever. At the moment I'm not holding my breath.

[Anonymous No.22191712]

>>22191700
Spite seems to be a good motivator for Gardner. He pumped out that CYOA in less than a month to spite Unreal. Seems he really wants to kill &amp and he's throwing actual money behind it.
I don't think he'd announce it if he had zero plans of going forward with it.

[Anonymous No.22191722]

>>22191659
Frank, you can go do your thing all you want.
But this is an obvious LARP.
You'd have us believe that your $70k worth of investors somehow don't know about your anti-Semitic beliefs.
How did you explain "Kabbalah Of The Crocodile" to them?
You didn't...because they don't exist.
With one poorly-conceived brain-dropping alone, you've closed yourself off from the mainstream forever.
You must think we're incredibly stupid, Frank.
The simple truth is, you have no capacity for strategic thought, and the debate skills of a 6-year-old trying to avoid bedtime.
But it's later than you think, and you're long overdue for a spanking.
>>22191700
>hur dur 40 bucks per page is so much
That's much less than a legitimate journal pays.
What sort of poorfag is impressed by 40 bucks?

[Anonymous No.22191732]

>>22191722
>You'd have us believe that your $70k worth of investors somehow don't know about your anti-Semitic beliefs.
He's obviously talking about his father you fucking retard. I hope I never get anyone as retarded as you as a doordash driver. Holy fuck.
And $40 a page is very generous by selfpub mag standards. Most don't give you shit. Not even a copy of the magazine.

[Anonymous No.22191747]

>>22191659
And yet, despite all these examples, your "writing" still confuses pronouns with contractions.
>>22191712
>promises promises promises
Your mouth is writing checks that your ass can't cash.
>>22191732
It would be absolutely pathetic if the $70k you crow about raising came from your daddy.
And feel free to ignore the anti-Semitic angle. You know you have no response to it.

[Anonymous No.22191756]

Ever since learning that Frank Gardner said bad things about Jews I cannot support him any longer. We at 4channel cannot support such hateful rhetoric. It truly is over for Frankheads, myself included because I am, as you can tell, a Frankhead.

[Anonymous No.22191757]

>>22191712
Okay, is this an astroturf post? I just spent a whole post saying why he's not "throwing money" behind it and it's been dead air save for an announcement many months ago. I'm telling you I don't believe it until I see concrete evidence. And not evidence of progress or whatever, evidence as in the mag existing and paying. If he wanted to do it, he'd have done it by now. Don't care otherwise but yes I'd gladly write something for F if it meant I got genuine exposure and money. And in return you get a good story.

[Anonymous No.22191766]

>>22191722
>poorfag is impressed
Yeah me. Rhyme didn't so much as send me a copy of Tales of the Unreal after they published my story.

[Anonymous No.22191769]

>>22191757
>it's been dead air save for an announcement many months ago.
Wut? When did he announce it previously? This is the first I'm hearing about him starting a rival mag.
Another thing is that something like this probably takes some time. He said earlier he has some mockups from people. That's not only something he would have had to pay for but something that shows he still in the start up phase if he hasn't even got an aesthetic down yet. Give him time.

[Anonymous No.22191780]

>>22191769
Go wipe your bum and lick Frank's balls some more, Zulu like the good daddys boy you are

[Anonymous No.22191782]

>>22191780
Zulu is the one who hates frank more than anyone else. Get your lore right.

[Anonymous No.22191854]

>>22191722
>That's much less than a legitimate journal pays.
>$40 a page isn't that impressive you know! This seven-figure journal sometimes pays $300 for the entire piece (please ignore the fact that most of these journals have you sign over full ownership of your story forever whether you get published or not)
Fuck off retard. Don't say stupid shit just because you're mad about Frank.

[Anonymous No.22191857]

>170 posts
>78 unique ips
yeahh this whole thread is not an Unreal Press psyop designed to lure in potential dox targets no siree very organic thread indeed

[Anonymous No.22191862]

>>22191854
stfu Rhyme

[Anonymous No.22191870]

>>22191857
>set up thread to expose the traitors within Unreal's ranks
>literally everyone betrays them for the chance at $40-$160 of Gardner's money
Very sad.

[Anonymous No.22191876]

>>22187648
Why would you need to raise $70k from investors if you're an independently wealthy author who bought a penthouse with the proceeds from your writing?
Oh, that's right...because that was a pathetic LARP the entire time, and your overly indulgent parents own that apartment, and pay all your expenses.
There's something about being useless that eats away at the human spirit, isn't there.
>>22191732
>I eat food that my doordash driver has spit in
Just another example of how you have no standards.
>>22191766
They host a free copy on their website.
A publication as underground as Tales Of The Unreal presumably can't afford to send out free copies.
>>22191870
You're literally counting your chickens before they hatch.
You are truly an amazing brainlet.

[Anonymous No.22191893]

>>22191870
>betrays
I wrote KGB Agents for Tales of the Unreal and it's not a matter of betraying or loyalty. Everyone here is here for one thing: exposure, money, recognition for their writing etc. Rhyme himself said Tales was only ever something for him to put on his resume and catch the eye of bigger employers. If someone gives a better offer than Unreal Press then so be it. If you want to call that defecting or whatever then fine but at the end of the day this is about us writers, not brand name growth.

[Anonymous No.22191896]

I've never seen someone so irrationally angry over a meme before. This has been going on for days now.

[Anonymous No.22191932]

>>22191896
>never seen someone so irrationally angry
Meet James Krake >>22191893

[Anonymous No.22191939]

>>22191932
Krake seems very rational here. Maybe he's a traitor to Unreal and &amp or whoever else, but he's quite honest and coherent while doing so. Man wants $40 and your back is within stabbing range.

[Anonymous No.22191947]

>>22191939
Has anyone read his story KGB Agents from Beyond the Stars that was published in Tales?

[Anonymous No.22191952]

>>22191947
No, and no one would describe Krake as being rational or anything like it, so we can assume >>22191939 this is also a post by little jamesie

[Anonymous No.22191964]

"Authors" that can't even make their manufactured internet drama interesting.

[Anonymous No.22191969]

>>22191964
This will surely make us famous. Trust the plan. We just need to release the Woolston masturbation tape and it will all come together.

[Anonymous No.22191970]

>>22191893
>>22191952
>here for one thing
>exposure, money, recognition for their writing etc
>one thing

Yeah this is James Krake

[Anonymous No.22191973]

>>22191970
KEK

[Anonymous No.22192006]

>>22191939
>I will stab you in the back for $40
Can’t imagine anyone would be sad to lose you m8

[Anonymous No.22192143]

>>22191230
>>22191559
Trust me, there’s nothing I might relish more than watching Gardner dump money onto the floor. I’m not saying he won’t try, I’m saying that anything Gardner does is shit.

[Anonymous No.22192315]

>>22192143
>I’m saying that anything Gardner does is shit.
But what is he even doing? It sounds like he's just gonna price you out by buying up all your submissions and then paying someone else to make it pretty.
If he had any real involvement in this I'd agree but this seems almost foolproof, at least until he runs out of money.

[Anonymous No.22192480]

>>22191756
Gardner fans are called Tardners.

[Anonymous No.22192544]

This encouraged me to buy some f gardner books. I haven’t read a novel in years so i am excited to get back into it. Going to start with cotc

[Anonymous No.22192619]

>>22191969
There is a masturbation tape?

[Anonymous No.22193200]

>>22192619
Multiple. Nesmer was the initial volunteer but his tape was more sad than anything else.

[Anonymous No.22193345]

>>22187648
>>22188613
Thanks for the kind words!
Mind if these endorsements end up on the back cover of the next edition?

[Anonymous No.22193353]

>>22192544
"Daddy, I need more money to buy more copies of my own books!"
"Fer Crissakes, Francis! You've already got three storage bins full of them! Why do you need more? Were they eaten by rats or something?"
"No...the rats don't like them for some reason..."

[Anonymous No.22193364]

>>22191896
It's not the meme we're angry about, it's the seething schizo same-fagging shill-spamming pseudness.
Frank is a petty, small minded, mean spirited, bitter little man, and anyone that's on this board for more than a day figures that out.
>>22192315
Remember that his proposed magazine doesn't exist yet, and the odds are it never will.
>>22192480
He has no fans. Gardner fans are called Gardner.

[Anonymous No.22193391]

>>22193364
What will he name the magazine?

[Anonymous No.22193485]

>>22191622
pour one out for /ffa/ senpai

>>22191230
if you can manage this it's great; rising tide all ships or what the fuck ever

from my editing desk (a metal patio table on a back porch), my estimate is that you need 3-4 years of funding before there's any chance at breaking even on your proposed project

it's a moonshot, but if you got funding fucking go for it. why not?

separate rant:
i always wondered if /lit/ would send more submissions to its magazines if there was a financial incentive

a lot of people assume there's a billion schizo posts coming in to these projects from /lit/.
the reality is the opposite: there's a small group of active writers on this board and some occasional voyagers who pop in once in a blue moon

writing output is limited; good shit even more so.
i realized in about two weeks that being a purely /lit/ magazine was not going to work for what i was doing. gotta respect the hustle of the dudes who can actually achieve that

[Sage No.22193488]

>>22176716

[Anonymous No.22193603]

>>22193391
My guess is "Frank Gardner presents the Frank Gardner Magazine starring Frank Gardner".
He literally can't stop shill-spamming himself, after all.

[Anonymous No.22193727]

Call Of United Airlines already has four 5-star reviews, and 3 written reviews!
And they're actually thoughtful reviews, instead of the usual "GREAT BOOK" shill-spams that Gardner pays for.
Hopefully Amazon will approve my review soon.

[Anonymous No.22193780]

>>22193727
Inshallah the age of the Farmer is upon us

[Anonymous No.22193857]

>>22193780
My own Gardner sick-burn is now up to 12,000 words.
I deeply regret not having completed it earlier, but I guess I needed a fire lit under my ass.

[Anonymous No.22194067]

>>22191857
Who did Unreal doxx?

[Anonymous No.22194156]

>>22194067
&amp editors Ari and Atlas. Found the guy’s face, name and school and spammed it around in these threads for 2 months straight.
The girl had her face found and they did cum tributes to her.

[Anonymous No.22194170]

>>22194156
The cum tribute was Unreal? In an old thread they were saying Ari did it

[Anonymous No.22194173]

>>22194170
Of coursed they’d say that. It’s the most convenient excuse possible. Saying Ari did that not only gave them an excuse to spam his dox, it gave them an excuse to spam Atlas’ as well.

[Anonymous No.22194297]

United Airline has over 100 737 Maxes. The most dangerous plane in use. You need to be an absolute retard to fly in one. Even the regular 737 is old shit. Been a few years since a plane crashed. Wouldn't be surprised if a 737 max ACKs in the coming weeks. Bound to happen. Even if they fixed the software, it's a poorly balanced plane designed to prioritize muh fuel efficency over safety.

[Anonymous No.22194932]

>>22193857
This is worse than the OP's cover.

[Anonymous No.22194961]

>>22194932
Thank you! I do my worst.

[Anonymous No.22195036]

>>22187648
>>22188613
>>22193345
I take it that's a yes?
>>22193872

[Anonymous No.22195116]

Paperback is out.

[Anonymous No.22195123]

>>22194297
A brainlet take, as usual.
There are over 1,000 737 MAX aircraft currently active across the skies.
Ironically, because of the crashes and the extra scrutiny, it's now one of the safest aircraft in existence.
But hey, why learn anything about aerospace when you can just sit in your little room and seethe ignorantly.

[Anonymous No.22195129]

>It's safe BECAUSE it crashes so often!

[Anonymous No.22195160]

>>22195116
Ordered!

[Anonymous No.22195167]

>>22195129
Not only have I already disproven this, but...are you actually blaming the OP book for the 737 MAX?
That's a level of unsupported jumping to conclusions I've only encountered on CNN.

[Anonymous No.22195245]

Aw...Frank's latest attempt to shill-spam his awful work >>22193226 has been archived, and the only responses were people shilling the parody.
I wonder when he'll realize that everything is different now.

[Anonymous No.22195768]

>>22195167
Do you have no ability to read the room?

[Anonymous No.22195799]

>>22194173
Nah Ari was definitely behind it, no one from Unreal would do that shit. We don’t wanna fuck with her, the only person who hates her enough to do some nasty shit like that is him

[Anonymous No.22195892]

>>22195799
Didn't Ari know this girl from college? Why is the only dox we got just a single image that was on some social media platform? You think if Ari did it there would be a heck of a lot more than that.

[Anonymous No.22196023]

>>22195892
Because it gives him plausible deniability. He wanted to both upset Atlas and implicate Unreal as revenge for Rhyme doxxing him, so by doxxing her he tried to kill two birds with one stone. He didn’t reveal any info about her that only he would have access to because that’d make it obvious that he was the one who doxxed her. So he posted shit from her public social media to make it look like Unreal could be the ones behind it, and then did the cum tribute shit to make the doxxing extra humiliating for her.

[Anonymous No.22196043]

>>22196023
jfc, touch grass

[Anonymous No.22196220]

>>22196023
Shit like this is where you guys lose me. Am I really supposed to believe that Ari is a 180iq Machiavellian who was 24 steps ahead of everyone in his elaborate plan to tear down a discord?

[Anonymous No.22196306]

>>22196220
Yea, if you saw his college doxx you should know he’s some kinda big brain physics guy

[Anonymous No.22196430]

>>22193485
>>22193391
>>22192143
>>22191876
>>22191870
>>22191854
>>22191732
>>22191722
>>22191230
>>22196413

[Anonymous No.22196895]

>>22196430
Ha ha, Frank's latest attempt to shill-spam got deleted by the jannies.
Face facts, brainlet...everyone hates you.

[Anonymous No.22197123]

>>22196895
Ugh...he's trying again...undoubtedly it'll be removed for advertising/begging.

[Anonymous No.22197373]

Now that his magazine has failed before he can even get it started, Frank has the time and money to parody the work of the person that wrote Call Of United Airlines.
Except that he can't, because he can barely handle churning out the unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish that infests his "art".
He claims he writes that way on purpose, but given a chance to prove it, for some reason he decides against it.

[Anonymous No.22197781]

>>22197123
Not surprisingly, >>22197111 has turned into a shitfest.
It's almost like there's some sort of universal law that says you'll tend to get what you deserve.
If only there was a Buddhist that Frank could ask about that.

[Anonymous No.22198419]

>>22196023
this theory kinda makes sense desu

[Anonymous No.22198651]

>>22196306
I highly doubt any STEM people are here.

[Anonymous No.22199011]

>>22198651
You'd be surprised, apparently.
t. STEMchud

[Anonymous No.22199266]

>>22197800
hur durr, more of Gardner's shill-spamming removed by the jannies.
Gardner would KILL for organic interest in his "work", like what's displayed in this thread.

[Anonymous No.22200060]

Bump

[Anonymous No.22201627]

bumo

[Anonymous No.22201638]

>>22176716
Adem, fuckface.
What are the soundtrack rules? Do I repeat the song? Until the next one? Just listen to it once?

[Anonymous No.22202230]

Looks like Frank is shilling this book on his YouTube channel!
Too bad iall his views are astroturfed.

[Anonymous No.22202552]

>>22177522
You mean... google "The Shitkickers Amazon"

[Anonymous No.22202554]

>>22182660
Holy shit the &amp VS Gardner war is poppin' off!

Who do I root for? I like both these bros

[Anonymous No.22202557]

>>22187648
Gentleman Frank Gardner!

[Anonymous No.22202561]

>>22191230
>>22191622
Honestly the &amp VS Gardner war is going to be the best thing for authors here who want to really put out their best stuff and participate in this underground publishing battle.

Cheering for both you pieces of shit

[Anonymous No.22203128]

>>22202561
Shame they've joined forces now. Could have been a war to see who could raise us up the highest. Now they'll just half-ass the whole thing.

[Anonymous No.22203393]

>>22202554
You can root for the winner...which is not Gardner.
The gauntlet has been thrown down, and now Gardner needs to write a parody of the work of whoever he blames for writing Call Of United Airlines.
Otherwise, he has to admit that unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish is all he's capable of writing.
He can dodge this challenge all he wants, but the longer he waits, the worse he looks.
Maybe he can use the money he was going to spend on his already-failed magazine, and hire a real writer to do this for him.

[Anonymous No.22204713]

>>22203393
>>22203393
Lol

[Anonymous No.22205086]

>>22176716
I read some of those /lit/pressed short stories and they sssucked.

[Anonymous No.22205946]

>>22205086
Then write something better.
Or do you not really belong on /lit/?

[Anonymous No.22206323]

>>22205086
Do you think that's why /ffa/ volume 4 fizzled out before it could happen?

[Anonymous No.22207239]

Frank hasn't even suggested he's going to respond to this with his own parody.
What a pseud.

[Anonymous No.22208330]

His latest attempt at shill-spamming >>22197111 has fizzled out to an ignominious end.
And so we enter Day 9 of the Frank Gardner crisis.

[Anonymous No.22208343]

>>22208330
Nice of you to point this out with a seven hour gap bump. Totally not counter productive according to your stated ambition.>>22208330

[Anonymous No.22208594]

>>22208343
So how's your crisis going, Frank?
Are you hoping everyone will forget someone wrote a book-length sick burn of your "style"?
Because I'm quite sure you're literally incapable of responding with your own parody, seeing as how you're barely able to squeeze unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish out of your ass.
>7 hour gap
I was doing productive things. It doesn't surprise me that never occurred to you.

[Anonymous No.22209193]

My parody is now up to ~14k words. Here's the latest thrilling moment:
-----
Suddenly something else unexpected suddenly happens the, bus comes to a stop. "Hey I think the bus has come to a stop" Hank announced suddenly. "Well sure it did it's a bus and buses come to a, stop all the time that's why they're buses" the wizard tries to explicate, his vast experience. "No I think this is something different and all though I accept your mastery on the subject of buses this would seem to be a special instance of a bus stopping that's not like all the average everyday instances experienced by people like you and me" Hank tries to relate his observations in the face of it all.
"Oh yeah it is different this time this is, a special reason for the bus to stop" the wizard looks around and muses about how life can take, unexpected turns when you least suspect it.
"I'm going on break you two can't stay here because if, you do you'll get in trouble and then they'll, put out warnents for your arrest" the bus driver comes out of nowhere and announces to them before she steps down the steps and out the bus. It is at this time that Hank notices for the first time that he and the wizard are all alone on the bus and that every one else apparently left a long time ago without telling them. This is a new and altogether different expreience for Hank.
"What happened then you have to tell me I'm starting to, feel scared like I'm out of my element or in a place I've never, been before so can you tell me" Hank begins to plead in a not at all humiliating way. But the wizard just sits there and smiles he, smiles like he's never smiled before certainly, not since Hank has been a round. And then Hank wonders why the wizard hasn't responded and also wonders if the wizard is just doing this to build tention and Hank hopes not because he can't stand dramatic irony. But the wizard doesn't know that and so Hank just sits there and waits for the wizard to reveal all.
-----
I can only imagine the effect this book will have upon the world.
After all, Frank says he's a famous writer that sells millions of books, and picrel has remained in print for nearly 40 years.
Clearly, this is the route to untold riches!

[Anonymous No.22209585]

>>22195160
IT'S HERE!
And the world will never be the same again.

[Anonymous No.22210103]

>>22209585
That’s fake. I’ll buy it.

[Anonymous No.22210981]

>>22210103
What's fake? It's a real picture.
Or if by "fake" you mean "not an actual Gardner book"...that's true.

[Anonymous No.22211889]

Well, that pretty much wraps it up for Gardner.
He'll never live this down.

[Anonymous No.22212026]

>*farting noises*

[Anonymous No.22212185]

It appears Gardner is trying to shill-spam again, but he's trying to be subtle. >>22210925
S'OK, I've already mentioned United Airlines there.

[Anonymous No.22213052]

>>22176716