/wg/ Writing General

[Anonymous No.20148606]

April Fool's Day (Eve) Edition
Previous thread >>20141066

For General Writing
>The Rhetoric of Fiction, Booth
>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft, Burroway
>Steering the Craft, Le Guin
>The Anatomy of Story, Truby
>How Fiction Works, Wood

YouTube Playlists for Writing
>https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTCv6n1whoI23GmdBZienRW0Q0nFCU_ay Robert Butler
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6HOdHEeosc Brandon Sanderson

Technical Aspects of Writing
>Garner's Modern English Usage, Garner
>What Editors Do: The Art, Craft, and Business of Book Editing, Ginna
>Artful Sentences: Syntax as Style, Tufte

Books Analyzing Literature
>Poetics, Aristotle
>Hero With a Thousand Faces, Campbell
>The Art Of Dramatic Writing: Its Basis in the Creative Interpretation of Human Motives, Egri
>The Weekend Novelist, Ray

Traditional Publishing
>https://blog.reedsy.com/manuscript-form
>https://www.submittable.com/
>https://querytracker.net/
>https://www.manuscriptwishlist.com/

Self Publishing Options
>https://archiveofourown.org/
>https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/
https://www.kobo.com/us/en/p/writinglife
>https://www.royalroad.com/
>https://www.scribblehub.com/
>https://www.wattpad.com/

Self Publishing How-To
>https://selfpublishingwithdale.com/

Poetry
>This Craft of Verse, Borges
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual, Kooser
>Western Wind: An Introduction to Poetry, Mason

Anime Writing (^･o･^)
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4on26mKakgs
>https://www.wikihow.com/Create-an-Anime-Story

/wg/ Authors and Flash Fiction Pastebin
https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ

[Lit rpg system shill No.20148658]

First for telling anons to write lit-rpgs

[Anonymous No.20148720]

>>20148658
I don’t know these newfangled genres. Is lit-rpg the same as that shit where somebody gets hit by a bus?

[Anonymous No.20148732]

>>20148606
April O'Neil is a character who originated in what is likely the most successful self-published comic book ever made.
Are you a self-publishing chad like Eastman and Laird, or will you perish like a dog?

[Anonymous No.20148737]

>>20148720
No that's portal fiction, or Isekai.

[Anonymous No.20148746]

>>20148606
Is Shaelin a good writing advice channel:

https://www.youtube.com/c/ShaelinWrites

[Anonymous No.20148766]

>>20148746
Youtubers are the absolute last people in the world to take writing tips from.

[Anonymous No.20148771]

>>20148766
She's a published writer. I've read some of her short fiction and it seems good imo.

I can't link to it directly because it's tripping the spam filter, but there is a linktree to some of it on her twitter:
https://twitter.com/shaelinbishop

[Lit rpg system shill No.20148800]

>>20148720
Literacy- rpg.
It's a story with rpg-like elements.
Such as, Levels, Skills, etc. Stats as well such as, Strength, Vitality,Agility, Luck, etc.

[Anonymous No.20148848]

>>20148771
Yeah, not interested.

[Anonymous No.20148854]

>>20148737
Oh! I know Portal! The cake is a lie, bro! Lollerz

[Anonymous No.20148859]

>>20148746
That dyke haircut is a tragedy. I won't take advice from her because of that. She clearly doesn't know what she's doing. She should let it grow out to at least shoulder length.

[Anonymous No.20148875]

Is it possible to portray a caring relationship between two characters that have a master/servant relationship or is the power dynamic necessarily going to invalidate any friendship they might have?

[Anonymous No.20148882]

>winter heatwaves come with tans
>on the hairline of nature
>it will never snow again
>watching the parhelion
just a little poem to set the mood

[Anonymous No.20148902]

Whoever is shilling litrpgs in these threads, fuck you

[Anonymous No.20148910]

>>20148875
A caring relationship would be the normal state of affairs. A master typically does care about his servants well being. He relies on them for so very many things. The opposite is also true. They have a symbiotic relationship.
Obviously there are stories of cruel masters but the are exceptions. A little bit of discipline does not denote cruelness.

[Anonymous No.20148919]

>Still maintaining 1k a day since near the end of last year.
Now this is pod racing.

[Anonymous No.20148929]

Let's say I start doing the 1000 words fiction exercise but I do it both in english and spanish, should I adjust the word count to compensate for spanish's more complicated structure?

[Anonymous No.20148930]

>>20148859
I like the tomboy look desu. She did look better a few years ago, when she had longer hair though.

[Anonymous No.20148932]

>>20148854
No, like The Wizard of Oz or a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court.

[Anonymous No.20148938]

>>20148746
I like that she writes literary fiction, rather than fantasy, and talks about writing at a higher level. Most youtube channels are just people giving writing 101 tips and talking about genre fiction only.

[Anonymous No.20148986]

>>20148902
It's the future of writing.

[Anonymous No.20149098]

[Anonymous No.20149410]

LitRPGs with base building.

[Lit rpg system shill No.20149458]

>>20148746
Terrible writing advice is better + she's a woman.
>>20148902
You're not gonna make it. Litrpg writers are making 11k a month from Patreon while you're staying broke

[Lit rpg system shill No.20149462]

>>20149410
Can and has been done before. Look for some generic anime Isekai where the mc just has to build a base cause the author made him too OP to do anything else.

Or dungeon lit rpgs on royalroad.

[Anonymous No.20149487]

>>20149462
I wasn't asking. I was telling.

[Anonymous No.20149582]

>>20148606
While the narrative that I am about to pen may appear fictitious, I would urge you, fond reader, not to merely disregard this as a fantasy imagined but perhaps remember the words of a man known sane by his physician; however, I hope God himself played a horrid trick on my eyes for if my story is true, then the terrors that roam in the dusk are vastly more disturbing than anything any of us could envision.
I am to be hanged on the morning of tomorrow, persecuted by the courts and the people for a horror I did not perform but did, unfortunately, attend. I am transcribing this to immortalise the ghastly memory so those who peruse this may heed my warning. I have made peace, dear reader, that I shall not survive another day now and, after discussing the events of that night, I fear my reckoning will surely come sooner than even the community hope.
The subject which I refer to is the disappearance of the gentleman named as Nathan, or Than as he preferred. A man that rescued me from the heinous residence that I inhabited. You see, dear reader, I was not permitted a childhood. I was abandoned by parents that did not want me, nor cared enough to find me a home where I would be nurtured. Instead, I was left outside this building, cowering below the large metropolis that now watched me work every morning.
During my infancy, I spent most of my time outside and the small critters that lurked in the nooks and crannies were my only friends; a participation prize that life had granted me, I supposed at the time.
I rarely saw the light of day beyond that of early morning where I worked cleaning the yard. Growing up in darkness makes a man feeble, dear reader, but for me that was not the case, I prospered somehow in that orphanage, growing into the person I am today, even if that does not seem like anything to be proud of. I mention my vitality, not to boast, but to explain the harsh environment that I grew up in and to express how difficult it was for me to feel terror as my years grew.
The patron of the orphanage was not a kind man. He held himself as a deity, running the place with fear; so, nothing surprised us more than when he fell sick one evening in my teenage years. I had never known such weakness in the man when I was standing at his side, watching the once self-proclaimed god of their small world begging for us to help him. Let me tell you, dear reader, that the thought, even now, is incredibly sobering.
His eyes were blood shot, liquid was running from his nose and mouth, and he was trembling. I remember that moment clearly, for it was then I decided that I would take the opportunity to witness the world outside these walls for the first time. I remember that moment clearly because it was the first time I had truly grasped something that I wanted.

[Lit rpg system shill No.20149586]

>>20149582
I don't see a single level in there. You're not gonna make it.

[Anonymous No.20149587]

>>20148606
a thing i gone and done

Unsown golden seed of hunger while she
Does listen upon the verse and else
Upon the happy thirst of war
Does consume the broad and and praise the lord
While riding to face the breadth of the law
Yet amidst the smoke and fog that hounds
The times of youth that linger in spit
The trifling breed do bread with louts
Sharing tears shed but rarely a-fit
The consecrated sod does trifle the earth
And dense are the lads that foot the shadows
While war is poetry penned by rifle’s girth
The land of the living will hardly remiss
And insolence of times ahead keep the line
And law of the land will prosper
In consecrated tears the seed demands
Excavation for another lover fallen
Death be to one as life be to many
Yet the passing fade will lift atop
And humanity perhaps moves to infinite glory
In the minds of those shot
Now is the time for congregation to pause
And congress will rise and fall by our hand
And the sad satan that roams the dark halls
Will rise of the land to answer our call
And evil is subject to those unafraid
Yet objective words will keep us in line
The heaven will hear the call of man
If the scream does lift above the pain but
Else does the words of pain and joy
The spoils of war left to the spoilt
And the living will forget the lesson living
That what each generation finally figured out
Be free to be who you are
Be free my children of art
Be free for the life is tainted

[Anonymous No.20149592]

>>20149586
level?

[Anonymous No.20149622]

>>20148882
I really like the hairline bit. It really hammers home the cynical viewpoint that your average person in the civilized world holds about climate change, as if it's just as humorous and benign as getting a little older. Is that your intention?

[Anonymous No.20149958]

How does one write a compelling lit rpg

[Anonymous No.20149969]

I won't write your shitass RPGs. I'll write what I want.

[Anonymous No.20149979]

To the guy in the other thread that reccomended "This Used to be About Dungeons", fuckin ace suggestion. Read a few chapters and now I feel way better about what I'm trying to write. Thanks!

[Anonymous No.20150125]

How do I stop seizing up and berating myself for making "similar" characters? How do I help myself break out of this funk? Like if I have a predilection for crybaby MCs, I think to myself "why don't I reuse the same character?". What could I do to help myself recognize them as individuals in different stories without making a totally different MC?

[Anonymous No.20150144]

>>20150125
Are these published works? If they are, you need to worry about people accusing you of self-plagiarizing (which is legally only an issue if you have different publishers owning the rights to different works). If nobody has ever seen your writing then who cares? You're exploring a certain character type in different scenarios. Perfecting the character, even.

[Anonymous No.20150148]

>>20150125
>I have a predilection for crybaby MCs
you should fix this

[Anonymous No.20150175]

So I'm writing a romance about a lesbian mummy in high school how do I add litrpg elements?

[Anonymous No.20150185]

How do I stop vomiting out half-formed thoughts and explain what I mean to say the first time around so my beta readers aren't consistently puzzled?

[Anonymous No.20150192]

Are there any good discord servers for writers that aren't full of gay faggots because every one I've been to has had gay faggots who are more interested in talking about how queer they are than in talking about writing.

[Lit rpg system shill No.20150224]

>>20150175
Lesbian mummy wants to get more powerful to attracted love.
Add litrpg elements from there. I shouldn't do the work for you.
>>20150192
Stop joining discords

[Lit rpg system shill No.20150231]

>>20149969
Stay poor.
>>20149958
Just write a unique story that HAPPENS to have lit-rpg elements in it. Like the story can work without litrpg but you put them in there anyways.

[Anonymous No.20150239]

>>20149098
I liked it anon, last line gave me a chuckle and I'm usually too jaded and depressed to enjoy anything let alone bother reading it. Is there more?

[Anonymous No.20150277]

How do you outsmart an evil God who is omnipotent and omniscient and can bend time and space to his whim?

[Anonymous No.20150289]

>>20148658
Teach me. How do I grab the attention of the litrpg crowd, assuming I'm already good at writing.

[Anonymous No.20150295]

>>20150231
>litrpg but you put them in there anyways.
I can't even grasp what the readers gets out of this.

[Anonymous No.20150301]

>>20150175
>mummy
is that really the best choice for a monster mc? vampire is ideal because its basically a human, but better. werewolf also is good for similar reasons. you gloss over their weak points ofc. mummy seems difficult because its an embalmed corpse. or is it like they discovered a teenage mummy in a crypt somewhere and it came back to life and now its like a regular teen girl but with memories from back in egypt? that sounds like it could be fun, I guess. I'm just wondering how mummy-like your mummy is.

[Anonymous No.20150319]

>>20150277
you trick him into doing what you want and even though he knows you want to do it he also wants to do it because he thinks its fun. its tough

[Anonymous No.20150325]

>>20150295
the guarantee of power progression in the form of numbers increasing/obtaining new things

[Lit rpg system shill No.20150335]

>>20150277
Impossible. Unless if you start power-wanking and pull off bullshit out of your ass.
>>20150289
Just as "A Lit-Rpg Story" in your title and you should be all set
>>20150295
Why do readers like it?
>They get the "gaming" feeling, without gaming at all
>Readers enjoy seeing a character get stronger. Higher numbers = dopamine
>Someone exploiting the rules to their fullest potential
>Magic system that is set, so authors can't pull shit out of their ass (this happens anyways but whatever)
>People who like DND but have no one to play with
>What-if scenerios

[Anonymous No.20150341]

>>20150325
If I retold the Arthurian Legends, but when Arthur gets Excalibur I put in some shit like "it's got 99 ATK and +15% critical hit chance" but everything else in the stories are the same (maybe when we get to Lancelot banging Guinevere we'll -50% Arthur's morale) people will suddenly enjoy it? It adds nothing to the story at all (unless you really need it spelled out that much that Arthur is a little upset about the affair) so ... why?

[Anonymous No.20150343]

I think I may be the most boring person alive. Every sentence I write feels impotent. I was never good but I feel like my spark has been stolen from me. I can't muster a single emotion.

[Lit rpg system shill No.20150364]

>>20150341
>Would people read this
>Go on fanfiction.net
>See lit-rpg self insert go back in time with gamer powers to "Arthurian legend" times
>599 follows
I'd say yeah

[Anonymous No.20150368]

>>20150343
Read Sanderson. Then read books that get you excited. It's most likely a matter of learning how to express yourself.

[Anonymous No.20150369]

I've noticed a weird trend where 90% of young, female, aspiring writers are all married with children. The fuck?

[Anonymous No.20150376]

>>20150369
A tale as old as time, anon.
Married = husband has income to support family while wife writes a shitty book and tries to get published
Children = mom stayed home to raise the kid and found herself with lots of free time to write

[Anonymous No.20150396]

>>20150369
i wish i was married with children :(

[Anonymous No.20150428]

>>20150396
Same.

[Anonymous No.20150436]

>>20150376
F Scott Fitzgerald did it

[Anonymous No.20150441]

I want to get back into writing but I want to practice first. Are there any good sources for prompts I could follow?

[Anonymous No.20150466]

>>20148606
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANT A GF

[Anonymous No.20150474]

>>20148746
She's some non-binary tranny that was probably a tomboy before globohomo attacked. Also she's cosplaying as ChrisChan in the 'paradox of mystery' video.

[Anonymous No.20150477]

>>20150192
I've told my tale of woe before, but I tried to start 2 discards and both were aborted. The first I mentioned here before - 1 guy posted but refused to provide feedback, the other posted unintelligible garbage once and then posted the next day someone on /lit/ said he was hopeless so he was quitting writing forever. Whole thing didn't last a week.

When I told this story on /wg/ somebody (John) offered to start a new one, invited us to a chat, and ghosted four of us who all seemed pretty earnest/similarly aligned.

I really want somewhere I can infrequently post my banger chapters for feedback from people familiar with the plot/chars but I just haven't seen any benefit in having faith in "writers".

>>20150376
I have two under 3 and this shouldn't be the case unless you're parking your kids in front of a TV or giving them iPads to rape their brains and goldfish/chicken nuggets full of Roundup for lunch everyday.

[Anonymous No.20150537]

>>20150466
Write a story about your need for a gf

[Anonymous No.20150547]

>>20150477
>discord tale of woe
there's no reason for a permanent discord. discord is a travesty in and of itself because the kinds of people it attracts are what I like to call "internet people". mentally ill shut ins who derive a large portion of their sense of self from interactions with their internet friends. they're delusional at best. its why fags/trannies cluster in discord. in person they're monstrous but over the internet their mental illness isn't quite as apparent - at first.

>I want somewhere I can infrequently post my banger chapters for feedback
this is why sites like retard road are actually great. the readerbase isn't very highbrow so they'll excuse typos and bullshit and you can direct other people to your story simply by posting a link. if you don't want to post the story online because you want to be trad published - for example you're writing a children's book where trad publishing is pretty much the only viable path atm - you should draft the entire thing first and then edit it before subjecting other people to your banger chapters. if you just want to bounce ideas off people this place is pretty great because anonymity increases the odds of honesty or someone may post about something else which gives you an idea which leads to you fixing your issue.

[Anonymous No.20150556]

>>20150466
Manifest gf and then realize that you don't need gf


Lofty goals and aspirations
are moved along by mind and thought
Simply change your expectations,
and make all negativity naught

Surprised you'll be
To wake and see
that the world bends to your will.
that no one can quell
your warrior's yell
and that all their powers are nil.

[Anonymous No.20150620]

>"okay, today i'll start the script for this comic about two mutants rummaging through trash and fishing real quick and look for an artist"
>"no, wait. i want to set it on north korea after a nuclear holocaust so i'll study the place to get a bunch of references of how it would look like"
>feel overwhelmed and quit
>"okay, this time i think i want to do magical girls but they are slaves to fairies"
>"so i'll study all about fairies and foreign myths and mix it up and..."
>feel overwhelmed and quit
>"i always wanted to do something with power rangers, what if i write about a team of power rangers fighting the great evils of the real world?"
>"wait, what were the great evils of the real world again?"
>feel overwhelmed and quit
>"well, let's start this litRPG shit fast for some easy patreon money. even my friend who actually reads has praised my writing before so it shouldn't be too hard"
>"i'm too much of a hipster for medieval fantasy so i'll just move it to that setting's space age but keep the fantasy races and dragons and artifacts"
>"actually, i'll make it an actual native isekai by having people born there but whose parents are from our world"
>"no, wait. what if one of the guys summoned is an actual rocket scientist and i deal with how they go through an industrial revolution, dragons and orcs and all"
>feel overwhelmed and quit
Why do I do this to myself and how do I get over it?

[Anonymous No.20150630]

I'm starting a new story. I have a bad habit of creating characters and worlds and settings without actually creating a conflict. Any advice?

[Anonymous No.20150677]

>>20150630
Create conflict

[Anonymous No.20150681]

>>20150547
>the kinds of people it attracts
Could not agree more. Discord seems to converge towards some singularity of darwinian rejects led by a tranny mod regardless of the theoretical topic of the group.

But for a writing group you really only need 2 or 3 normal people before you can go private. It just feels like it's harder than it should be because of the peculiars of "writer" culture where 90% of writers talk about writing for a hundred hours per minute actually spent drafting/revising.

>>20150547
>edit it before subjecting other people to your banger chapters
I do edit as I go, helps my process. It's unimaginable to me to let anyone read my work without having read over it at least twice myself prior. I am crazy enough to dream of trad pub after somd good feedback so RR is off the table until I give up I suppose - back to toiling in isolation.

[Lit rpg system shill No.20150700]

>>20150630
>Creating conflict
Midwits take.
>Creating goals for different characters that happen to interact negatively with others
Genius take.

[Anonymous No.20150718]

https://www.wattpad.com/1209755912-allison_beta_readers-allison

Would anybody be willing to beta-read a 2500 word short story?
Finished the rough draft this morning and did two passthroughs of editing, but comma usage still gives me trouble. Please let me know if you see something wrong.
The story is a short stream of conscious from a little girl/young woman's POV re-experiencing time spent with her grandmother. The MC is pretty young in a good chunk of the story, so I tried to emulate that with a simpler writing style in those parts. Please let me know if you think the writing is TOO simple despite the intent. I also tried to create a few points where the reader would feel like they were talking to a child and have a "I think I know what this kid is trying to say, but they are not pronouncing it correctly, at all" moment.
Also let me know if you got bored at any time reading it or if you think I should put in a bit more descriptive segments. I tried to not to have too much fat on the thing, but if you feel otherwise, I'll listen.

Thanks in advance. I'll check back up on this thread in a few hours.

[Anonymous No.20150727]

>litrpg
>literature role playing game
>curious about how you play
>turns out it's not even a game, just some kid's power fantasy

[Anonymous No.20150738]

Is it productive trying to see what successful light novels did well to see If I can reproduce what it did right in my original novel and get similar success?

[Lit rpg system shill No.20150751]

>>20150738
>Is it productive
Hmm, I dunno, most of them have really bad translation errors.
But ignoring that, I see no issue... Other than how they are really badly Witten and riddled with cliches beyond gods grace.

[Anonymous No.20150824]

How does a Deathgame based on the Major arcana of Tarot cards sound to you guys?

[Anonymous No.20150826]

>>20150824
Would be more interesting as a serial killer neo noir.

[Anonymous No.20150834]

>>20150826
Sounds interesting, can you elaborate what you mean?

[Anonymous No.20150864]

>>20150620
>no, wait. what if one of the guys summoned is an actual rocket scientist and i deal with how they go through an industrial revolution, dragons and orcs and all
I personally am so sick of stories like this. The person summoned is oh so smart and he teaches the natives how to slice bread and oh wow he's so great. Its boring.
The way you fix you problem of having to research the real world (for completely dubious reasons) is to do the opposite. Make your mc isekai'd to some futuristic society where he's deemed a throwback dummy and he's forced to break rocks. What are the details of the futuristic society? Make them up, absolutely no research necessary, and your mc isn't some braniac who cares about the mechanics of how their power works. The switch is flipped, the thing turns on. Done and done. Basically do a Flash Gordon type story.

[Anonymous No.20150866]

>>20150834
Each death is modeled after a Tarot card. Or each killer is modeled by a Tarot card and follows the themes of each. Each chapter or book is about chasing down the killer for that Tarot card. You have a skeptic MC and his handler/partner who helps him keep his faith in humanity, even though the partner struggles with it just as much. Themes can include struggle against a dark world, the value of saving a life, justice, etc. Something like this sounds fun.

[Anonymous No.20150867]

>>20150727
If you're looking for actual video game literary RPGs, Sunless Sea is okay, though trannified. Go ask /v/ about it.

[Anonymous No.20151057]

>didn't write my 2000 words today
I feel so low today
might as well give up on writing

[Anonymous No.20151066]

>>20151057
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDRnJrA8CPE

you just need to watch some youtube author's beginner tips!

[Anonymous No.20151082]

>>20151057
I wrote a only a few hundred on a short story while at work. It's okay, it's D&D night.

[Anonymous No.20151087]

>>20151066
kinda weird how people with shit books manage to make thousands off giving advice to write books

[Anonymous No.20151117]

>>20151087
her goodreads rating is pretty good. She has fans. People need to realize that the average reader aren't reading some classic in top 100 lists. They're reading Erotica, digestible fantasy, simple young adult, or non-fiction that helps confirm their biases.

I would even argue something like of Mice and Men would be considered boring and unreadable today.

[Anonymous No.20151123]

>>20151117
of mice and men is so good though....

[Anonymous No.20151133]

>>20151117
>three books
>all 2-3 years apart
>all below 4
I don't know anon, it seems like she doesn't write for shit + writes average shit

[Anonymous No.20151139]

>>20151117
>her goodreads rating is pretty good.

[Anonymous No.20151153]

>>20151133
>>20151139
You're telling me 3.8 isn't good? all of us here would kill to have a even a book published.

[Anonymous No.20151161]

>>20151123
I know, but I was talking to my Generation Alpha niece (12) and she couldn't get past Tom Sawyer painting the fence.

[Anonymous No.20151168]

>>20151153
>published
>shes self-published
You can literally just post 200 words and self-publish anon.
And yes, most people either give a book a 3 or a 5 the only time people get a 1 or 2 is when they are absolute unreadable trash. Anything below a 3 has been either flamed or is complete trash. 3.5 and above is okay. Anything above a 4 is good.
You also gotta consider how many people stopped reading after her first book. Thats why sequels always get better ratings.

[Anonymous No.20151170]

>>20151133
>Jenna Moreci is a bestselling author of dark fantasy and science fiction, as well as a YouTube sensation with hundreds of thousands of subscribers. The Savior’s Champion, her first novel in The Savior’s Series, was voted one of the Best Books of All Time by Book Depository.
seethe chud

[Anonymous No.20151177]

>>20151170
omg this is actually pretty good, I take it all back

[Anonymous No.20151179]

>>20151170
>she has better prose than most anons in here.

[Anonymous No.20151180]

For visual novel readers. How did Steins;Gate write such a good time travel story? Is it good? What did it do wrong? I'm interested in writing time travel.

[Anonymous No.20151189]

>>20150718
I'm not a good enough writer or reader to give much feedback on this. I liked it. I'm glad you didn't pad it out with complexity. The six-inch splinter was pretty cute, and made me do a double-take, which I think is the effect you were aiming for.

>Feels like someone is eating organs from the inside
Needs a "my."

[Anonymous No.20151190]

>>20151180
the Time Travel rule was consistent, made sense, and there was no bullshit.

Also John Titor was a real meme

[Anonymous No.20151192]

what sounds like a better title

>Seer & Stardust
>Astropsychics

[Anonymous No.20151218]

>>20151170
>was voted one of the Best Books of All Time by Book Depository.
This just makes me angry. G0YAN

[Anonymous No.20151250]

>>20151218
then try and write something better then go on youtube.

[Anonymous No.20151254]

>>20151192
>Seer & Stardust
Easily

[Anonymous No.20151262]

>only 11000 words in 4 weeks
holy fuck how do I stop myself from editing instead of writing

[Anonymous No.20151271]

i can't take /lit/ seriously because people unironically write litrpg

[Anonymous No.20151274]

>>20151170
>>20151177
>>20151179
>spamming commas is good prose

[Anonymous No.20151281]

>>20151170
>>20151177
>>20151179
>>20151218
>>20151274
SEEEEEEEEEEEETHE!!!
>Experience the gripping romantic adventure rated as one of the Best Books of All Time by Book Depository.
>Tobias Kaya doesn't care about The Savior. He doesn't care that She's the Ruler of the realm or that She purified the land, and he certainly doesn't care that She's of age to be married. But when competing for Her hand proves to be his last chance to save his family, he’s forced to make The Savior his priority.
>Now Tobias is thrown into the Sovereign’s Tournament with nineteen other men, and each of them is fighting—and killing—for the chance to rule at The Savior's side. Instantly his world is plagued with violence, treachery, and manipulation, revealing the hidden ugliness of his proud realm. And when his circumstances seem especially dire, he stumbles into an unexpected romance, one that opens him up to unimaginable dangers and darkness.
>Trigger warning: this novel contains graphic violence, adult language, and sexual situations.

[Anonymous No.20151286]

>>20151274
Her comma usage is technically 100% correct. Personally I'd use fewer for the sake of flow, though.

[Anonymous No.20151287]

>>20151271
I dunno, I've heard sword art online progressive is pretty good.

[Anonymous No.20151288]

>>20150556
I've thaught about this before but, like an overly conscious man, I will always know that I'm just pretending not to want something.

[Anonymous No.20151291]

>>20151286
Yes, exactly.

[Anonymous No.20151295]

>>20151262
Configure your editor to use a very thin column, with a washed-out font colour on except for the current paragraph.

[Anonymous No.20151320]

>>20150718
Very much enjoyed reading this it had a lot of heart and captured the child perspective well, good detail and balance with dialogue/description generally. Not too simple at all. Felt a bit rushed at the end though, I was not clear what was happening in the hospital until the baby cried which may have been the intent.

Writing at the beginning felt stilted - i think you were going for childish but it came across unevenly so tone it down. Read every line aloud - I almost "stopped reading right there" memed you at "I am five and I am laying on the floor" but glad I didn't. Didn't pay attention to commas, but I noticed one on ", when I read." that was unnecessary.

Great stuff overall anon, keep it up!

[Anonymous No.20151330]

>>20151281
she will never fuck you

[Anonymous No.20151393]

>>20151066
is every youtube book chick a man hating lesbo?

[Anonymous No.20151396]

>>20151393
she's married

[Anonymous No.20151401]

>>20151396
i feel bad for her husband

[Anonymous No.20151442]

>never use big words
>instantly immune from becoming purple prose
heh its that easy

[Anonymous No.20151497]

would you keep reading?

[Anonymous No.20151511]

>>20148606
you can see she has saggy tits.

[Anonymous No.20151627]

>>20151497
I honestly have no idea what's going on besides a cornbread muffin, a blueberry muffin, a banana nut muffin, and chocolate chip muffin are sitting in a minivan waiting to get sold. The muffins are have personification and speak to one another using slang such as sucking cock as a metaphor to being injected and topped with frosting.

Is that what the story is about?

[Anonymous No.20151652]

>>20151627
sounds like you would keep reading to find out

[Anonymous No.20151696]

>>20151497
No. I stopped at "Alek Christ"

[Anonymous No.20151699]

>>20151287
You heard wrong.

[Anonymous No.20151719]

>>20151497
there's way too much telling. This is the front man, this is the drummer. There are 2 drummers for whatever reason. The bass player is a basset hound. I'd have Seth be both the drummer and the driver, and rather than saying he's the drummer have him tap his fingers on the steering wheel.
>If I gotta hop under the desk and suck cock to shut him the fuck up, you bet," she said with fiery whore energy
<img class="xae" data-xae width="32" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/8ea2d160_peepoClown.png">

[Anonymous No.20151735]

>>20151497
I have PTSD from too many shitty web serials with inconsistent tense, and would stop reading at "Arnie Moulton dedicated his entire life ... he's been trying to reach that next global level"

[Anonymous No.20151740]

My balls hurt

[Anonymous No.20151756]

>>20151180
I only watched the anime once and it honestly didn't make a big impact on me, but I think it's important that there were stakes, time travel could solve the problem, time travel could not easily solve the problem, and you had a decent idea of what time travel did and didn't make possible.
Take away any of those four things and the tension evaporates.

[Anonymous No.20151783]

>>20148606
<img class="xae" data-xae width="32" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/bb299b4d_monkaOMEGA.png">

[Anonymous No.20151793]

Jonathan entered the room. All around him there were boxes that he knew contained lots of carbon. Carbon for mechanical pencils. Once by one he would open them and jam the carbon pencil rods the graphite what the fuck ever into his penile hole. urethral sounding, hwewas so big on uretheral sounding it was incredible. Oh man you guys he would just go and go it was so gross, I don't want to talk to you about it. I want to talk to you about his dog.

I don't.

I want to talk to you about the story of Marcus "The Markus" Marrcuss, a fine fellow who at the young age of 19 had already had his pebnois stuffed full of that sweet sweet pencil pleasure, I'm talkin long sticks of graphite meant for a pencil and boy howdy do they ever SNAP in there, I mean there is just no keeping them together at all, no doing it, can't be done, you're rock hard and still there's a lil snap and you're stuck going to the ER again. First name basis with the triage nurse, I think she likes me though because she put me ahead of some dumbass with internal bleeding and she's started laughing about it. Last time I was sin she told me she was glad she got to look at my cock again so that's pretty great desu

[Anonymous No.20151817]

<img class="xae" data-xae width="30" height="30" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/83cf2699_Aquacry.png">
:wow:

These emotes are shit

[Anonymous No.20151831]

>>20148606
<span class="xae" data-xae="love">&#x1F60D;[/spoiler]

[Anonymous No.20151860]

This is what you retards get for complaining about discord.

[Anonymous No.20151893]

>wrote only 200 words today
>I'll never finish this book

[Anonymous No.20151903]

>>20151817
I don’t like this buying feature. Am I earning something for something? Posting?

[Anonymous No.20151923]

>>20151903
Puffy vulva

[Anonymous No.20151932]

>want to tell stories
>am dyslexic and genuinely hate reading/studying literature/english
what are my options?
write outlines, get rich and then hire ghostwriters to do the heavy lifting?

[Anonymous No.20151938]

>>20151932
Record yourself telling stories through the old literary tradition: vocal stories.
<img class="xae" data-xae width="31" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/a6d16707_GoodNight.png">

[Anonymous No.20151953]

A majority of fantasy i've read always screws the pooch in the second or third act. Sci-Fi only marginally better.
I use their mistakes as my fuel.

[Anonymous No.20151958]

>>20150239
Thank you! That's it for this story, I don't know if it'd make sense to expand it.
I posted this a few weeks ago, it's a little similar.

[Anonymous No.20152019]

>>20151953
>always screws the pooch in the second or third act
give an example, I'm not sure what you mean<img class="xae" data-xae width="31" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/0e313986_koiwaiwave.png">

[Anonymous No.20152082]

Sandersoy makes Calidan's character useless by the end of book one, while side characters are more interesting. It gets progressively worse as the books progress.
Tolkien throws the last bit of the trilogy with the midgets being the heroes.
Herbert makes the whole plot redundant by making Leto Atreides predestined super jesus.
Rowling makes Harry's struggles throughout all the books redundant because of muh prophecy.
LeGuin basically makes the whole series a travel arc.
Lewis not so subtly signals the value of both staying in and coming out of closets and that furries are ok.
I could go on but the list is way too long.

[Anonymous No.20152098]

>>20152082
>Leto Atreides
Anon, Leto dies halfway through the story...

[Anonymous No.20152101]

>>20152082
>Lewis not so subtly signals the value of both staying in and coming out of closets and that furries are ok.
The metaphorical "closet" in The Last Battle is refusing to accept Jesus into your heart while being surrounded by reasons to do so, and that entire series is Christian apologia. I have no idea how you went from there to some kind of metaphor about closeted gays, but it probably means your brain has been broken by the internet.

[Anonymous No.20152325]

>>20151938
lol you said oral

[Anonymous No.20152340]

>>20152082
>Tolkien throws the last bit of the trilogy with the midgets being the heroes.
That's the point you fucking mongoloid.

[Anonymous No.20152369]

While the narrative that I am about to pen may appear fictitious, I would urge you, fond reader, not to merely disregard this as a fantasy imagined but perhaps remember the words of a man known sane by his physician; however, I hope God himself played a horrid trick on my eyes for if my story is true, then the terrors that roam in the dusk are vastly more disturbing than anything any of us could envision.
I am to be hanged on the morning of tomorrow, persecuted by the courts and the people for a horror I did not perform but did, unfortunately, attend. I am transcribing this to immortalise the ghastly memory so those who peruse this may heed my warning. I have made peace, dear reader, that I shall not survive another day now and, after discussing the events of that night, I fear my reckoning will surely come sooner than even the community hope.
The subject which I refer to is the disappearance of the gentleman named as Nathan, or Than as he preferred. A man that rescued me from the heinous residence that I inhabited. You see, dear reader, I was not permitted a childhood. I was abandoned by parents that did not want me, nor cared enough to find me a home where I would be nurtured. Instead, I was left outside this building, cowering below the large metropolis that now watched me work every morning.
During my infancy, I spent most of my time outside and the small critters that lurked in the nooks and crannies were my only friends; a participation prize that life had granted me, I supposed at the time.
I rarely saw the light of day beyond that of early morning where I worked cleaning the yard. Growing up in darkness makes a man feeble, dear reader, but for me that was not the case, I prospered somehow in that orphanage, growing into the person I am today, even if that does not seem like anything to be proud of. I mention my vitality, not to boast, but to explain the harsh environment that I grew up in and to express how difficult it was for me to feel terror as my years grew.
The patron of the orphanage was not a kind man. He held himself as a deity, running the place with fear; so, nothing surprised us more than when he fell sick one evening in my teenage years. I had never known such weakness in the man when I was standing at his side, watching the once self-proclaimed god of their small world begging for us to help him. Let me tell you, dear reader, that the thought, even now, is incredibly sobering.
His eyes were blood shot, liquid was running from his nose and mouth, and he was trembling. I remember that moment clearly, for it was then I decided that I would take the opportunity to witness the world outside these walls for the first time. I remember that moment clearly because it was the first time I had truly grasped something that I wanted.

[Anonymous No.20152371]

When youthful morning ascends clouded skies,
Gold flattery stifles the infant realm;
And while bubbling brooks and lush lowlands lie:
Her fingers of rose do soon overwhelm.
Twelve sit upstairs amidst the basest rack,
While her eye victorious in its gaze;
But foreseen heaven appears at her back,
A forlorn shade over a cosmic face.
Stealing west, hiding face from dishonour,
While robes of saffron left on morning’s bed;
Her gaze I filched, my paramount wonder:
Passing away, fraught, with blue verses said.
Yet for eternity that men can breathe,
Love will be stained by the morning that leaves.

feedback appreciated

[Anonymous No.20152399]

>>20152082
>Rowling makes Harry's struggles throughout all the books redundant because of muh prophecy.
Eh? The prophecy is part of the backstory and it's a MacGuffin for a bit but other than that it's a dud, dead weight. It technically forces Harry to fight but he'd do that anyway.

[Anonymous No.20152410]

>>20152399
It would've been cool if Neville really had been the chosen one.

[Anonymous No.20152411]

>>20151189
Thanks. I noticed that missing “my” in an edit and noted it down, but I some how didn’t fix it so thanks for letting me know.

>>20151320
Thank you for advice and encouragement. When you say it’s stilted at the beginning, is that just the 5 year old section, or is it in older parts, too?
Also the hospital part was trying to imply the MC might also have some form of cancer and I wanted to bait and switch a happy ending. Earlier she hears “her head of tea” which is actually the word “heredity”. I try to hint that again with the movie Hereditary getting mentioned. Do you think I should add a few more lines somewhere to make that clearer?
Also you said you were just meme-ing, but does that opening paragraph actually need some work to hook a reader in your opinion?


Thanks a lot to both of you for the read and help, It means a lot. N-not like I l-l-like you or anything!

[Anonymous No.20152445]

>>20152410
But the point is that there isn't really a chosen one, not metaphysically. It's a stable time loop, like Oedipus Rex and the ending to book three. The prophecy causes Voldemort and Harry to want to do the things it predicts they'd do, and fate doesn't have to keep a finger on the scale.
Harry is chosen because Voldemort literally chose him, not because fate did.

[Anonymous No.20152446]

>>20152445
Yes, just like the prophecy said he would.

[Anonymous No.20152477]

>>20151783
If you’d fuck that you’re gay

[Anonymous No.20152558]

How many anons think they get/have gotten pretty good story ideas from their dreams? I don’t dream often, but I think I’m going to start to keep a dream journal just in case some good stuff pops up. Also being able to lucid dream would be fun too.

[Anonymous No.20152596]

What's a place to write that isn't occupied by troons? I'm thinking of writing a fictional war journal, I don't see any website with an audience for that type of stuff.

[Anonymous No.20152667]

>>20152596
Why would anyone read a fictional war journal by someone who's never left his mom's basement, when you can read actual war journals? Once the war in Ukraine ends (and probably even before that), there's going to be another wave of "I was there" war chronicles and autobiographies again

[Anonymous No.20152703]

>>20152667
Maybe that’s what he plans on doing. Selling a “My Time in Ukraine” memoir that’s completely made up but idiot readers won’t know that. And they’ll lap it up to show how patriotic they are, even though they’re American and would never wave the American flag in their lives.

[Anonymous No.20152724]

>>20152703
That could backfire royally if someone cared enough to dig up inconsistencies in the story and proved anon was making it up. It wouldn't end with mere hate mail.

[Anonymous No.20152861]

>>20152724
The Ukraine situation is already 30% misinformation and 40% disinformation. A sitting US Congressman literally thanked Sam Hyde for being the ‘Ghost of Kiev’ and taking down Russian jets. If you did your research, you could breeze through the thing.

[Anonymous No.20152863]

>>20148732
it used to be different times. the possibility of pulling off a ninja turtles in 2022 is basically zero

[Anonymous No.20152867]

>>20152863
Brandon Sanderson just pulled off a 30 million dollar kickstarter

[Anonymous No.20152873]

>>20152325
No he didn’t. Anon, you really are dyslexic.

[Anonymous No.20152882]

>>20152867
While being a highly well-known author. Unless you’re already famous or have a large following, your Kickstarter will die in the water (unless you explicitly pander to gay black tranny women stuff. they’ll front page you for sure, but now your soul is gone in exchange). Like if the Critical Role team said they were making a four part novel series passed off their stuff, yeah it’d probably make similar money. Even they’re one season of a show got millions and was picked up by Amazon. It’s all about the preinstalled fan base.

[Anonymous No.20152990]

>>20151783
<img class="xae" data-xae width="32" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/fb56168f_BOOBA.png">

[Anonymous No.20153007]

>>20152411
My reply would have been a meme, but I did find that line and the one right after describing the wooden planks clumsily phrased. Like I said it would be worth reading the entire thing aloud to avoid repetition and optimize for flow.

[Anonymous No.20153009]

>>20151497
>If the first line is Arnie's thought, italicize it to make it stand out.
>Need to space out the dialogue with empty line like the paragraphs are
>2 drummers, Summer and Seth. If the band actually has two drummer's, say that Seth is "the band's other drummer;". Also I don't think that semi-colon works. I think it should either be a colon or "...drummer, teasing the hostile challenge."
>Definitely show Arnie being fed-up, but patient instead of saying it in the last line.
Fix those issues and I'd give this at least 10 single spaced pages before I decided to quit on it or not. I like the premise so far, but this needs two more rounds of editing and revising, at least. Don't quit on it, though.

[Anonymous No.20153027]

>>20153007
Alright. I'll probably let the story mellow for about a week before working on the next draft. I've got another thats ~72% complete and I want to finish it and get started on first edit. You're advice was much appreciated, Anon-kun.

[Anonymous No.20153029]

>>20152369
bump

[Anonymous No.20153107]

>>20150547
Scribophile has some use there if you're willing to give back.

[Anonymous No.20153122]

>>20152558
I had a horror story come out of a nightmare. Usually anything else is just crap that sounds good in the brain but actually sucks eggs on paper.

Sent from my samsung - SM-A426U

[Anonymous No.20153134]

>>20152861
It's difficult to get accurate information when the situation is still hot. But when it's over and the events are properly investigated, it'll be a different story. Then even common readers can see easily enough, "hey this shit is nothing like the other memoirs I read or the NG documentary I saw last week wtf". And it's too late for the author to start backpedaling when the book is out there.

[Anonymous No.20153230]

>>20153134
>when it's over and the events are properly investigated
Okay reddit. I haven't seen anyone on trial for the Iraq invasion and it's still illegal to even argue against *certain* very lazy pieces of propaganda from WW2.

Just write in line with Western propaganda and you'll be fine. It worked for Eli Wiesel.

[Anonymous No.20153263]

>>20151497
No.

[Anonymous No.20153266]

>>20153122
> Usually anything else is just crap that sounds good in the brain but actually sucks eggs on paper.
>t. Unimaginative writelet
Or just get better dreams.

[Anonymous No.20153272]

>>20153230
This. As long as Ukraine fights valiantly and Russia commits lots of war crimes (in the story), the fake memoir will sell like hot cakes. Heck, you could fake Rape of Nanking 2: Russian Buugaloo and Dems and Neo-Cons would eat it up.

[Anonymous No.20153334]

>>20152703
If he wanted to avoid the legal stuff, he could also write a historical fiction that's """based on true events"""

[Anonymous No.20153375]

>>20151958
pretty good

[Anonymous No.20153424]

Emilyanon here. I think I'm ready to self publish on kindle

[Anonymous No.20153435]

>>20150718
pretty good. my favorite part is "my heart is broken for the second time". not a fan of the "i am x and i am doing y" style and it felt almost like a parody the first time.
>"I think I know what this kid is trying to say, but they are not pronouncing it correctly, at all" moment.
this part is the best example of you achieving that effect. i also hate that i can't copy text from that piece of shit website.

[Anonymous No.20153468]

>>20153122
>just crap that sounds good in the brain but actually sucks eggs on paper.
because of dream logic, naturally. it's always the case. so you don't write the dream itself, but take the main idea from it to write an actual story. gonna try this with one of my own dreams to see if it's gonna work.

[Anonymous No.20153576]

https://pastebin.com/bvEaHbnL

It's short.

[Anonymous No.20153607]

I have an idea for a horror novel. What do I do with it once I write it? I don't read a lot of fiction these days and I know nothing about the publishing industry. Do I just dump it out self-published on Amazon? I'm really interesting in getting feedback too but I don't know many other writers, especially horror writers.

[Anonymous No.20153611]

>>20153607
ideas are worthless, write a draft first then worry about publishing

[Anonymous No.20153619]

>>20153607
a true /wg/faggot

[Anonymous No.20153719]

>>20153576
Is this complete? I'm not sure I get what you're going for, but it's interesting.

>four to five file cabinets
This makes sense if we're listening to someone relating a quick impression, but
>Various documents lay inside every single one of them, all written incoherently in a combination of multiple languages
is something an omniscient narrator would know. I think you're going for omniscience overall, so I'd be more precise—your narrator doesn't have to be objective, but we should never get the feeling that there's something they don't know.

Try involving Emily in the leading narration. You don't necessarily have to mention her much, but even a single mention in the first sentence would let us know that she's traversing all those weird platforms and hallways. I think that'd make your mention of her going back come out better.

Be careful about putting complicated descriptions before you explain what something is. For example:
>a small conical but without a tip - room
reads easier as
>a small room, conical but without a tip
Same for the "black, as if painted, man" (but there I'm less sure about how to rewrite it).

[Anonymous No.20153748]

glad to see pastebin drop that shitty "no bad words" policy
synopsis: two siblings are on the way to spread the ashes of their little brother
2.5k words. appreciate your thoughts.

https://pastebin.com/2g4754U9

i hope that anon from long ago is still here

[Anonymous No.20153798]

>>20153576
>>20153748
I'll give these a read once I've had my old man nap. Got 4 hours of sleep after taking an ambien.

[Anonymous No.20153830]

>>20153230
>>20153272
Go back to /pol/ Ivan <img class="xae" data-xae width="28" height="28" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/af528e56_Hahaa.png">

[Anonymous No.20153832]

>>20153748
I'm sorry but many of your word choices are simply baffling. What is the spine of the highway? He smelled clutch seeping in through the grills? It's just so sloppy all over the place that I can't even picture what's going on. "Zipped past like a bullet" come on now, referencing a bullet is too easy.

And that little sentence at the end - the handbrake cracked? At the last second before what? It's okay to get carried away with imagery, but you need to keep in mind precision and economy.

[Anonymous No.20153852]

>>20153435
>not a fan of the "i am x and i am doing y" style and it felt almost like a parody the first time.
Alright, I see about reworking that after I do what >>20153007 said and read through it aloud before the second draft so I can work on the flow.
>i also hate that i can't copy text from that piece of shit website
Yeah, I completely forgot about pastebin being a website, but I'll use it next time.

[Anonymous No.20153892]

>>20153832
>the spine of the highway
traffic lines
>smelled clutch seeping in through the grills?
of the air conditioner
>the handbrake cracked
that's the noise that i makes, no?
>At the last second before what?
before he hit the car in front, hence the glaring taillights

interesting input anon. the last feedback i got encouraged me to 'not underestimate my reader's intelligence' (not to insult you) because i spelled things out too blatantly, like this:
>come on now, referencing a bullet is too easy.
but now what i feared has happened. i really hoped someone got it at least.

>>20153852
you write well especially compared to the rest of this thread. i appreciate if you can tell me your thoughts on my piece here >>20153748

[Anonymous No.20153904]

>>20153892
I'm >>20153798 so I'll get to it. Do you have a deadline for it soon or no?

[Anonymous No.20153911]

>>20153904
take it easy, anon. the paste self-destructs in a week.

[Anonymous No.20153923]

>>20149622
yeah that is the intent the story is more about gentrification, the good and bad sides.

[Anonymous No.20153935]

>>20148606
The purpose of a first draft is to have something to edit in the editing phase

Do you agree with this?

[Anonymous No.20153936]

>>20152477
If you’re male and would fuck that, you would the least gay ever <img class="xae" data-xae width="32" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/8ea2d160_peepoClown.png">

[Anonymous No.20153943]

>>20153935
Yes. Write as much for the first draft no matter the quality. Make it perfect in the edit.

[Anonymous No.20153944]

An excerpt from a horror story I've posted bits and pieces of here before. Trying to finish it for good by Monday. Wouldn't mind some honest feedback.

https://pastebin.com/C55vzqm5

Sent from my motorola - moto g play (2021)

[Anonymous No.20153946]

>>20153936
Forgot to post pic <img class="xae" data-xae width="32" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/5de4addd_KannaNom.png">

[Anonymous No.20153948]

>>20153935
Yes. Iteration is a very powerful technique.

[Anonymous No.20153952]

>>20153892
>traffic lines
See, I thought that was probably it but it seems like it would have to be an impossibly small car to navigate inbetween two lanes of traffic.
>that's the noise that i makes, no?
Perhaps, but I'll tell you what you get when you're speeding down the highway and you pull the handbrake - it isn't a smooth stop.

[Anonymous No.20153963]

>>20153952
>>20153952
good points. if you had to rewrite those words how'd you do it?

[Anonymous No.20153985]

>>20150477
>he other posted unintelligible garbage once and then posted the next day someone on /lit/ said he was hopeless so he was quitting writing forever.
Well fuck you too, faggot. I'm glad your attempts at discord failed. You were probably running a shitty server, anyway.

[Anonymous No.20153988]

An excerpt from a horror story I've posted bits and pieces of here before. Trying to finish it for good by Monday. Wouldn't mind some honest feedback.

https://pastebin.com/C55vzqm5

Sent from my motorola - moto g play (2021)

[Anonymous No.20154017]

>>20153988
I have no idea why it puts the phone thing there I will chock it up to April Fools

Sent from my motorola - moto g play (2021)

[Anonymous No.20154061]

>>20153936
>>20153946
Whatever, homos!

[Anonymous No.20154063]

>>20151168
Nigga, do you even go on goodreads? They have shit opinions for days.

[Anonymous No.20154074]

>>20154017
>>20153988
Bro, you don’t have to be embarrassed that you’re a phonefag. We understand (not really).

[Anonymous No.20154118]

>>20154074
I have no excuse other than laziness. So let it I be marked I am a faggot of phones.

Sent from my motorola - moto g play (2021)

[Anonymous No.20154211]

>>20154061
You’re confused
<img class="xae" data-xae width="41" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/72694e0e_desusmirk.png">

[Anonymous No.20154292]

>>20153985
I think you misunderstood, I gave him very targeted (and friendly) advice on blocking/clarity. He posted separately here later and got massacred (presumably to see if I was crazy for not understanding his genius). He returned to the discord and informed me he quit after because I'd been nice to him if not overly flattering.

[Anonymous No.20154300]

>>20154292
Wait. I thought you were talking about me. Maybe not. I know I left one of those servers rather abruptly after being discouraged by /wg/. But that was when you idiots got triggered by my characters' names.

[Anonymous No.20154318]

>>20154292
post it

[Anonymous No.20154523]

>>20154300
I remember you sperging out in the thread a while back over L'Lorian or something. Nope was a different anon as far as I know.

>>20154318
I just deleted the discord altogether, writers all fall in one of the below categories:
>talentless deluded spergs who don't read yet churn out 10k words of garbage a day
>mediocre hacks
>modestly talented unbearable psueds who ruin their work by obessing over its arty-farty points (not using quotation marks)
>actually skilled writers like who may as sell not write since they'll never finish a project :-)

[Anonymous No.20154550]

>>20154523
no i meant post the piece
or one of the mediocre hacks

[Anonymous No.20154574]

>>20154063
GR really needs a fucking half star increment.

Sent from my samsung - SM-A426U

[Anonymous No.20154575]

Is there any advice you guys could give me for writing quality lyrics or should I ask /mu/ about that? I'm a complete novice with little to no experience so all tips welcome.

[Anonymous No.20154596]

>>20154523
>I remember you sperging out in the thread a while back over L'Lorian or something.
Fuck you, nigger! I wasn't sperging! You people just fucking suck!

[Anonymous No.20154610]

where can I find an editor and how much are they willing to pay??

[Anonymous No.20154621]

Is there a good summarising word for "industries, employers and trade unions"? I wanna say that a law was welcomed by all affected "economic partners", though I don't know whether economic partners is an appropriate term.

[Anonymous No.20154624]

>>20154621
stakeholders

[Anonymous No.20154632]

>>20153988
>TOP ROPE
the excerpt is a bit wordy and a bit overdescriptive thats my take

[Anonymous No.20154662]

>>20150343

This is a pretty fire paragraph

[Anonymous No.20154741]

>>20154632
Oh yes, that's a good one.

[Anonymous No.20154864]

When I start writing my brain fog is at its worst, and at a certain point theres a mental block and I literally cant go on. And I get exhausted.
Any tips? What's causing this?

[Anonymous No.20154891]

>>20154864
lack of caffeine. make yourself a pot of coffee

[Anonymous No.20155009]

>>20154864
too low powerlevel

[Anonymous No.20155020]

any German bros here to read and critique the introduction of a planned novel of mine? <img class="xae" data-xae width="28" height="31" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/d9bf8456_ThisIsFine.png">

[Anonymous No.20155270]

Can you say "this high threshold was pushed by trade union X"?

[Anonymous No.20155275]

>>20155020
Jo, hier bin ich! Bin zwar echt nicht literarisch gebildet und ich werde bis Mitte April nicht allzu viel Zeit haben, aber immer her damit!

[Anonymous No.20155292]

>>20155270
You're gonna need to provide some context because that could be right but I have no idea what context you're saying it.

[Anonymous No.20155296]

>>20155270
I don't know the context, but sure.
<img class="xae" data-xae width="37" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/0ee48fb4_longcat.png">
<img class="xae" data-xae width="37" height="30" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/95c37417_longcata.png">
<img class="xae" data-xae width="37" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/e77bc341_longcatb.png">

[Anonymous No.20155305]

New here. Would it be appropriate to post the first chapter of my novel? What's the word limit?

[Anonymous No.20155320]

>>20155305
Just use pastebin or Google Docs or whatever and share it that way. Don't need to ask, it's dumb.

[Anonymous No.20155322]

>>20155305
character limit isn't a lot. if you chapter is over 1k words use a pastebin or make a pdf and post it

[Anonymous No.20155346]

>>20155292
It's just about a policy. I wanted to know whether "pushing through" a policy is appropriate if it's not necessarily the government who technically is the one who pushes through policies.
>>20155305
Along with what others said, I would encourage you to include some ways to contact you if you want feedback on it. Of course, people could just answer in this thread again but I for my part like to save them to read when I have the opportunity. If you have some throwaway contact information, that's a great way to give you feedback.

[Anonymous No.20155362]

Are all the best novels actually written in 1st person or do I have confirmation bias? I know there is a LOAD of shit books written in 1st person too.

Sent from my samsung - SM-A426U

[Anonymous No.20155364]

>>20155346
I still don't really get the context. Maybe just post the whole sentence?

[Anonymous No.20155374]

>>20155362
Not particularly, in my experience. Can you give half a dozen examples? Maybe we can suss out a pattern.

[Anonymous No.20155398]

>>20155364
For working as a third-country national in Germany, there was/is a salary threshold. "This threshold was pushed by trade union X, because it feared bla..."

[Anonymous No.20155417]

>>20155398
Yeah, that's perfectly fine, then. You can say "put forth" instead of "pushed", if you want. Pushed implies it was sort of strong-armed into position.

[Anonymous No.20155435]

>>20155398
If I’m understanding “pushed by” to mean they tried to get it passed, then say they “lobbied for” or even “was heavily lobbied for by….”
If they didn’t want the thing passed then just use “lobbied against” instead.

[Anonymous No.20155440]

>>20155398
pushed by
instituted at the behest of
They'd both be fine because the policy, even if ultimately implemented by the government, was promoted by the trade union. I'd call it a salary cap and not a salary threshold because cap means upper limit and threshold is more like a floor.
<img class="xae" data-xae width="28" height="28" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/0b3318e4_monkaMEGA.png"><img class="xae" data-xae width="28" height="28" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/de27847b_monkaGIGA.png"><img class="xae" data-xae width="32" height="32" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/bb299b4d_monkaOMEGA.png">

[Anonymous No.20155453]

>>20155440
Or wait, I'm a retard, they probably wanted a salary floor so scabs couldn't come in and undercut

[Anonymous No.20155462]

Outside of this thread of course, what is a good place to get what I've written in front of eyes for feedback? I don't want to be THAT GUY spamming his writing everywhere but I don't want to feel like my words are falling into a void.

[Anonymous No.20155475]

>>20155453
>scabs
They’re always a psyop.
https://youtu.be/Wo_b29Tu-S8

[Anonymous No.20155486]

>>20155462
Plebbit has a beta readers sub. I don’t know the quality of the readers, only that the place exists.
Goodreads also has beta reader groups, but same issue as the last one: not sure how good they are.
Wouldn’t hurt to try either, I suppose.

[Anonymous No.20155498]

>>20155462
how much have you written, do you have one, longer contiguous story or is it bits of this and bits of that?

[Anonymous No.20155513]

>>20155453
Yes, correct, they wanted a threshold to protect Germany's own wages.

[Anonymous No.20155550]

>>20155374
I actually had to think but here's six:
Moby Dick
Gatsby
Book of the New Sun
Lolita
Brideshead Revisted
Steppenwolf
It feels like a better way to write a stronger narrative

Sent from my samsung - SM-A426U

[Anonymous No.20155577]

>>20155498
I've been writing short stories to experiment with different styles of prose before I have a crack at a longer story I want to tell

[Anonymous No.20155593]

>>20155362
The best novels are in 1st person and 3rd person omniscient. Both styles best utilize the biggest strength of the medium - the ability to explore and understand the motivations and inner thoughts of the characters. A novel with a well written narrator elevates the story making it an absolute joy to read.

[Anonymous No.20155607]

>>20155362
I thought you asked if they were written *by* first(one) person. Like yeah, retard having two people using the typewriter at the same time is gonna make for a great book -_-

[Anonymous No.20155628]

>>20155577
Oh, short stories! Give them!

[Anonymous No.20155648]

>>20155550
Moby Dick is a weird one, because Ishmael's narration sort of drifts into omniscient narration sometimes.

[Anonymous No.20155649]

>>20155362
I think first person has the biggest potential to fail. The same book written in third person could have been average at least but a first person book that still feels very... unpersonal, which is still easy to do (for example, first person and present tense together just don't often mix up very well in my opinion), would immediately be catastrophic.

[Anonymous No.20155662]

>>20155593
What's the issue with 3rd-person limited? I think it provides similar benefits to 1st-person but allows easier and cleaner swapping between varied perspectives.

[Anonymous No.20155666]

>>20155628
I'm writing them in parallel as I get ideas for story events, some of them are getting towards the end of the pipeline, I'll post them as soon as they are done

[Anonymous No.20155721]

>>20155662
>but allows easier and cleaner swapping between varied perspectives
The problem with that, and ymmv, is too many perspectives ends up making all the characters sound too samey to me. I'd much rather have a 1st person book with one or two distinct narrators than a 3rd limited with multiple perspectives. A 3rd omniscient makes more sense to me with following multiple characters because the nature of the story - a historical narrative, someone telling you about the events that happened, etc - makes better sense in my mind. That said there are of course good books written in 3rd limited but I feel they don't really take advantage of the medium as well as they could have if they were written a different way.

[Anonymous No.20155734]

When it comes to character descriptions in 3p limited, do you guys think its fine to have semi-detailed character descriptions, or brief one-sentence ones? I'm reading similar books to the one I'm trying to write (a not-quite-litrpg fantasy) and they mostly have whole paragraph long desciptions, usually when the character firstg gets introduced. Thoughts?

[Anonymous No.20155745]

>>20155734
The way I see it is to either give a brief once-over description (general build, skin colour, hair, any notable features) and maybe flesh out other details here and there throughout the introduction.

[Anonymous No.20155755]

>>20155721
I suppose I get that. I think the best 3rd-limited books do use the perspective swapping well but don't overdo it (3/4 at most, occasionally shifting to a minor character for effect sometimes), like... Well, Pratchett admittedly kind of drifts between limited and omniscient, but a semi-frequent thing he did was that he'd often swap to the perspective of the resident villain whenever they were about to get their ass handed to them. You can do that in omniscient, for sure, but omniscient doesn't really anchor itself and doesn't really colour the things with the mindset of a certain character that well, it just sort of explains things.

[Anonymous No.20155779]

First chapter(?) of a book I wrote a while back. Just trying to get it in front of some new eyes. Feel free to give honest feedback.

https://pastebin.pl/view/c42a0f4f

[Anonymous No.20155815]

>>20155755
>Pratchett admittedly kind of drifts between limited and omniscient
I'd say that's omniscient then and not limited, even if it has spots of limited. Omniscient really lets the author connect the reader with the characters.
>but omniscient doesn't really anchor itself and doesn't really colour the things
I disagree. Omniscient is loosey goosey do whatever you want.

Lets have an example of a narrator telling a story of a war that happened when he was just a baby, or before he was born. He has the benefit of distance to know what people did and how things ended up, which allows him an insight to their thought processes. He can color what happened because he favors one side over the other. This narrator is both anchored and biased, and, as far as the story goes, omniscient. If the author wanted he could also make it clear that the narrator is biased so you have the untold story that becomes clear to the reader based on how things are told.

[Anonymous No.20155850]

>>20155779
Completely irrelevant to feedback, why do so many "normal person protagonist" names start with Ja-? I see a lot of Jacks, Jakes, Jasons and now Jamie. I get it's a female protagonist which is different from the ones I usually see but it's just a thing.
Actual feedback, though... That opening paragraph is rough. You don't need to in media res a book like that, it feels like a cheap attempt to hook the reader in. You could honestly have just started with her arriving at the club.
Dialogue is very flavourless, it just feels like the most straightforward way to say everything was how you wrote it.
Overall the narration feels empty and dry.
Some grammar and tense issues but those're too nit-picky to really point out in any detail.
I honestly didn't even find myself that interested to keep reading, it just feels very amateurish. The basic concept isn't bad, but the execution is all over the place.

[Anonymous No.20155854]

Limited vs omniscient always trip me up, desu. The way I understand it is that omniscient is free to present itself as limited as the author sees fit, it can closely follow a character and convey their thoughts but still be omniscient as long as it provides an omniscient perspective frequently enough to remind the reader that it isn't limited. Omniscient can be a cold detached narrator, but it doesn't have to be. Or maybe I am retarded, that's possible also

[Anonymous No.20155869]

>>20155854
Omniscient and limited aren't a hardline thing. Limited stuff can often drift away from a character's perspective (often for descriptions, or things like that), whereas omniscient stuff can often hang around with one character for a bit.

[Anonymous No.20155871]

>>20155779
Made it 2 paragraphs in, unfortunately you seem to stumble over setting the scene with vague references to this girl smiling and that girl being on the right (right of?). Would benefit from fewer, but deeper brushstrokes of concrete language to set the scene, and just have the POV character immediately obvious so I know what the heck is happening.

More minor issues: you repeat yourself (that it was her first time, she'd never done it before) and calling one girl "better" is vague especially in this context.

[Anonymous No.20155876]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11f4QBB86vwNEMPVKaWLIwgszLMlUNW6kkYLKaTOq3Fs/edit?usp=sharing

I keep wondering if I should go back and start in first person again.

[Anonymous No.20155905]

>>20155876
1st person
or
past tense
3rd present seems really weird

[Anonymous No.20155960]

>>20155905
I started writing in first person, but felt odd about the implications of writing smut scenes later in first person. It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, I'm just not sure how it'll read you know? In terms of it being present tense that's what I'm most used to so I think I just adopted that stylistically.

[Anonymous No.20155964]

Do you guys write first and not think about meaning at all?
Thinking my writing should be about something or have some kind of commentary in it is driving me nuts.

[Anonymous No.20155977]

>>20155876
>Amara flashes a hopeful smile, her mood surely salvaged after having hauled all of that weight off of her chest and onto Luci’s back. Not that she minded in the least, in fact it felt like a challenge.
>all of that weight off of her chest and onto
watch the particles. pay more attention to sentence structure to avoid abortions like this. this might seem like a nitpick, but it really isn't, because this is far from the only offender.

[Anonymous No.20156012]

>>20155964
>Thinking my writing should be about something or have some kind of commentary in it is driving me nuts
if you have something to say, or if you have genuinely-held convictions about certain things, they will have no choice but to seep into your writing of their own accord. planning out discrete little packages of meaning is for spudbrains. focus on the words and let the meaning just happen on its own. the world is full of things that DUDE IT MEANS SOMETHING and it doesn't need any more of it. meaning is information is inhuman is the dogwhistle of postmodern hypercapitalism and if you're one of those DUDE WHAT DOES IT MEAN simpletons i hope you kill yourself genuinely because well

[Anonymous No.20156018]

>>20155964
As you write the meaning you're getting across will make itself clearer. I had a basic message in mind when I started and as it went plenty of other shit found its way in.

[Anonymous No.20156020]

>>20155977
Thank you, I'll find a way to rephrase that. I really appreciate this type of criticism. Something else I've been wondering is if my pacing is awful. Reading some books off my shelf earlier another paragraph starts and the characters are blazing through the highlands, or a week has passed. I think I'm too determined to make sure the reader sees the vision I have of this world, to a fault clearly.

[Anonymous No.20156025]

>>20156020
you're obviously writing genreshit and probably for patreon so i can't help you with any of that breakneck airport novel pacing scheme garbage just try not to write it fucking terribly ok?

[Anonymous No.20156094]

>>20156020
>to rephrase that
no you missed the point. this is not just ONE instance of unwieldy sentences peppered with unnecessary and ugly particles holding together "good enough" sentences with duct tape. you should take that approach, that one little nugget of advice, and go through your entire work to make it less shit. hell, spend the next hour trying to make that one passage linked above not-shit and see what you learn from it. just work at it until you can't look at it anymore, and then go back and line edit every single sentence.

embrace the mindset where you are learning to write well rather than working towards a finite goal of Finishing The Thing because if you don't, even if you do Finish Thing it won't be Good Thing because you never took the time to become not-shit. this is what i try to tell you every time i see you posting the same unedited thing over and over again with the tiniest changes. even GRRM says he line edits word by word, and that's to get his prose to the very low level he's at.

all this patreon shit and royalroad ass faggotry has been such a universal negative. this person i'm replying to will get offended and pretend that i have some personal vendetta against him, which i don't, but i will call you a fucking tranny, "Luci Ember". the problem is that a generation of zoomers writing cum rags on their phone screens have never read anything more advanced than Afro Vore 4: Tentacle Boogaloo. do they think it's some kind of great revolution to write literature as if it's a text message to the uncle that touched you when you were 10? it's not. it's just shit writing.

i'm not saying your tranny cum-fic is shit because i can tell you've been working on making it less shit, but it's still fucking shit and you need to work harder or maybe just at all on WRITING instead of getting distracted by the three ring circus of MUH PLOT MUH CHARACTERS MUH WHATEVER because unless you're writing for genuine mouth-breathing retards who have to stop breathing in order to read any sequence of three or more letters, nobody is going to care about any of that.

also, i fucking hate niggers and myself

[Anonymous No.20156168]

How do I get instant exitement flowing while writing or editing? Browsing news sites or playing vidya is so much more compelling. If I’m waiting for the ’mood to write’, it’s just endless dreadness and boredom.

[Anonymous No.20156189]

>>20156168
I have a separate desktop for writing. I put my phone face up but out of reach in case I miss an emergency call. I maybe put on headphones and music; sometimes silence works. Then I start reading what I already wrote, about 1-2000 words back is sufficient, and by the time I get to my writing line I'm ready to at least try. Sometimes I pick up my phone or watch a video. I eventually hit a zone where this happens less and less, and then I'm writing for good or bad.

Sent from my samsung - SM-A426U

[T.R.Anon No.20156209]

>>20153576
>>20153798
Here. I read it. Honestly, if you tried to publish this in my magazine, I would have rejected it in 15 seconds. There's way too many typos for something so short, showing you didn't edit it at all. If you're ESL, I will give you one(1) pass, but if you're not, why did you write something you didn't even want to try and make presentable?
I gave you a lot of advice/criticism, but don't expect a lollipop after I give you the shot in the arm. As an actual reader, I wouldn't have continued after the first paragraph. I felt like a middle school teacher grading an 11 year old's paper.
You have interesting ideas, I can tell, so I don't want you to quit, but if you're going to do this as a hobby (and ESPECIALLY as a possible job), you need to learn some fundamentals. Buy White & Strunk's little book. Read it because it will fix a lot of the fundamental problems I found in a small passage. I also like Stephen King's On Writing. A lot of the book is his early childhood, but it's worth it for learning how to craft a story. Go to >>>>/t/ and find the Masterclass 53 pack where you can download for free a lot of authors who will teach you about storytelling. You also need to research a lot more if you ever want to write something bigger. Even if this is just a hobby, you need to put more effort into it. I'm not writing to discourage but encourage, truth be told.


To everyone else ITT: If you are new to writing, I suggest reading what I told him to learn what NOT to do. A lot of recommendations I gave him in the critique are unique to that singular piece of work, but there's a good chunk of advice since you probably didn't read the sticky anyways.

Here it is:
https://pastebin.com/WaYaQJd4

[Anonymous No.20156236]

>>20154063
3.5? Are they for real?

[Anonymous No.20156280]

>I wrote this, tell me what you think
God fuck, I’m so lonely. I miss my home, I miss my parents.

I’m just a hamster on a wheel, the rat-race, the waging-slave, pigeon stuck in its coup, a debased modern husk of a human being ticking in and out, then ticking in again, sand, then ticking out, and in, and out. ANIMALS! (cockroaches)

I respect my mind and body, especially sexually! I’m not going to consciously be dragged into post-modern, hardcore, fetishised propaganda. I’m not a worm. “Democracy manifest!” Where the hell did I leave my cigarettes? We’re so confused, primitive, and cattle-like.

Cramped like anchovy, interconnected tubes, running underground. A to B, B to A. I hate touching its surfaces. Everything reeks, that smelly smell that smells. It stinks, God it reeks. For fucks sake. They wallow in it, I wallow in it. PIGS! Pig...

Every street corner needs to be filled with hedonistic bombardments of electronic pleasure. Flashing images, bursting with sound. OBEY! The slimmest detection of silence sends everyone into a frenzy, I notice it. We scatter. ANIMALS!

Step 1: Block out vision, no peripheral, concentrate a beam of pure energy directly into eyes, plug in your ears and by God, please don’t make eye contact, please don’t make any God damn fucking eye contact with me you filthy useless sack of shit, you swine, you’re in my way. I see you looking at me! Otherwise i’ll be reminded by the existence of another human being and I might have to grow sympathy. Eyes go too deep. WELLS!

I stare at them purposefully, secretly laughing, I like to make them uncomfortable, somehow I believe I can rip them out of their delusion. Somehow, maybe, I hope, that eventually someone will stare right back at me, straight into my soul, desert, don’t break eye-contact, a real connection, of course that never happens.

Everything’s filthy. GARBAGE! Everyone hates each other and tries to outdo the other, it’s all so artificial. Fake leather and that God awful sound it makes. I spit on the homeless. (I also spit at the mirror every time I see my reflection.)
”They smell of booze, what lowlifes, look at them, useless leaching parasites. Why don’t they just die, we’d be better off without them.” DON’T THINK LIKE THAT!

Then I get home and drink half a bottle of wine (the good stuff) out of sear boredom. “That’s a tasty beverage!” Numb those senses™, have a little shit giggle by myself, fart in the bathtub, do a little naked dance. “HAHA, I’m so funny”. Not because I’m drunk, but because I’ve allowed myself to actually express myself for a second.

“I CAN’T LET ANYONE KNOW, DOH! They must never know. I’d better set an alarm, go to bed early. I should keep up appearances.”

[Anonymous No.20156286]

>cont'd 2/3
I’ve got friends, it’s all shallow, it’s just a weight measuring game, dick-swinging competition, dog eat dog world. Hot-dog eating contest?
Im wrong.
I’m being too harsh, they’re nice, they care about me, but they can’t help me, they just don’t understand.
Im wrong.
They’re just naive and stupid and they don’t have it as hard as I do
Im wrong.
I’m lying to myself, it’s hard out here, they must feel the same way as me, they just don’t like showing their ugly side. TWO-FACED! I crack a smile at them...

”Oh hey Mark, OOoooH yes, I’m reading blabla book. Yes really healthy. I know right.”
Big words, BIG WORDS, congruent, lecherous, indignity.
”Oh me? Yes HA HA HA, going to the gym now, body important, understand? YES! Very healthy. I know.”
Temple.
”Yes yes, eating GOOD, cooking SOOOOO good. I love cooking, so great.”
Processed.
“Pulling on what? My weenee?! NO! Hahaha! Maybe once every two weeks. Wink* It IS bad for you, you know?”
Infantile, cuckold porn industry, toxic, emancipation, weak chins.
“MY PHONE? No... superficial human connection, FACE TO FACE! AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT!?”
“...”
“Oh wait, you do that too...” CRUSHED!

I check the lists, I do the tedious little tasks, I do the dance, my ballet, I do it every day like a good little boy, mama is so proud. I’m so graceful. I wash the dishes, I fold the clothes, I sort the trash, I take the shower, I mop the floor. Pat on the back. (I’m so good at this.)

There is only one thing I enjoy doh, it’s a simple man’s hobby, I cut images into synthetic flooring, I spread ink on it, I lay a paper on top of it, I push down on it with a spoon, imperfection. So cloggy, unwieldy and hypnotizingly meditative. Lovingly.

Sometimes I cut myself on accident, I’d never hurt myself behind my desk, it feels so good to bleed, I wish someone would punch me in the face, I think I could do this for the rest of my life. I don’t dare to show them to anyone doh... (Breather)

Eventually, like always, I end up slumped back, eyes fixed, seductive commercial entertainment, what beautiful stories they tell, I can almost imagine living them... thank you Disney, GLOBALISE! “God bless their stupendous gains, production value!”. Leaches, sapping away my hard-earned money, CONSUME! In an endless cycle of earning and spending, spending earning. Spending so I don’t feel so bad earning. Earning so I can justify my spending. INTERLINKED!

“I haven’t seen the fifth season yet, is it good?”
“It isn’t his best role, in my opinion.”
“I THINK THIS IS GOOD, I ENJOY. THIS?! HOWEVER?! IS BAD! NOT GOOD, NO! I HATE YOU FOR NOT ENJOYING WHAT I ENJOY!”
Writhing hands, rake it in, does it sound well when it hits the marble table? RINKLE! KA-CHING! Pocket money.

[Anonymous No.20156288]

>cont'd 3/3
All this so I can sit in front of a screen catatonically hallucinating to images that have been perfected over a hundred years to satisfy my drooling monkey brain. Watch it clap as you wind it up! “Eat the bugs, live in the pod.” Thank you... I guess.

Money won’t resolve this issue, I need to relocate. It’s the city, I swear to God it’s the fucking city. It’s the root cause, cradle of culture my ass, ANIMALS! I’d rather die anonymously, I don’t need their products, I don’t need 24/7 grocery stores, I don’t need fast and accessible ATM’s, I don’t need cheap transportation. I don’t need processed garbage from chains with great reputability, reviews, customer service and convenient delivery to your very doorstep for only $9,99!!! INTEGRATE!

“Look at this pathetic idiot.” He said.

I want silence, I want wind, I want unpolluted air, I want my own fire, I want water I can swim in. I need an out, I wish there was an out, there is no out, I’m stuck here forever...

This is no way to live, I wish I could just have a good hard cry, family is important. HOME SWEET HOME. I wish I’d just crash, but the crash never comes, it will always be like this, sometimes I imagine myself taking a deep breath, stepping onto the tramline, and getting crushed, utter bliss...

“Oh woe unto me, woe to whoever allowed me to be born, cruel world” “I’m so sad, yes, feel sad for me, cry for me please, OH PLEASE” Damn, I’m so sorry, little slip of the tongue, almost seems like I’ve expressed myself there for a second.

Step 2: Something about worms. I am sooooooooo special...

09/03/21(Mon)03:10:14 No.41502408
“I like his writing style. Artists deserve to make it, especially in a withering world like the one we inherited.”

09/03/21(Mon)03:14:32 No.41502410
“I like your writing. Expressing ones sense of being trapped can feel liberating and empowering. But that’s only short term. You got to get practical and think of the long term, because eventually it’ll even take your short term relief away.”

09/03/21(Mon)03:33:12 No.41502503
“Stop being such a faggot and do something, visit your parents, go on vacation, leave your job and live in the woods like a hermit. I don’t know, something instead of whining like a little bitch.”

09/03/21(Mon)03:45:23 No.41502780
“Die.”

[Anonymous No.20156319]

>>20155020
>>20155275
Es ist nur der Anfang, knapp 400 Wörter, aber ich bin unsicher, ob sich das Projekt in dieser Form lohnt, es weiter zu verfolgen. Bin wirklich sehr dankbar über Meinungen (und mir ist bewusst, dass aus dem kurzen Text noch nicht wirklich viel hervorgeht, aber naja) <img class="xae" data-xae width="28" height="31" src="https://s.4cdn.org/image/emotes/d9bf8456_ThisIsFine.png">

https://pastebin.com/fm2a0wkY

[Anonymous No.20156384]

>>20156094
I appreciate it, really. And I have been going through from the beginning in an effort to be more critical.

[Anonymous No.20156387]

>>20156209
>Go to >>>>/t/ and find the Masterclass 53 pack where you can download for free a lot of authors who will teach you about storytelling
Don't tell me I have to make a thread begging for it

Sent from my samsung - SM-A426U

[Lit rpg system shill No.20156421]

>>20156094
>Filtered this hard by big lit-rpg
Sad

[Anonymous No.20156442]

>>20149098

pretty good, anon. keep going

[Anonymous No.20156456]

>>20151497
no, but keep at it and your writing will improve. right now it's still awkward

[Anonymous No.20156461]

>>20154864
Same. Try writing sprints. Set up a timer and write as much as you can within that time. Take a break then repeat.

[Anonymous No.20156469]

>>20151958
The guy's talk is disrupted too much. That second paragraph for example doesn't do anything. It's an interruption. Many other interruptions like that in your story. Allow his monologue to say everything without interruption and allow your reader to guess at some of the things that are going on, whether he's smiling or not and so on.

[Anonymous No.20156476]

>>20152371
This is the 21st century, friend.

Perhaps you would benefit from the Norton Anthology to broaden your horizons.

[Anonymous No.20156512]

>>20156094
>i fucking hate niggers and myself
You should.

[Anonymous No.20156517]

>>20152082
>Tolkien throws the last bit of the trilogy with the midgets being the heroes.
Imagine being filtered THIS hard. <span class="xae" data-xae="thdown">👎[/spoiler]

[Anonymous No.20156518]

>>20153748
>https://pastebin.com/2g4754U9

Have you considered identifying the relationship as brothers in the first paragraph?

The scene is also too vague, just a random highwy and whatnot. It woudl be better if it was specific, a specific highway with a name, the landscape should be described as well in this case, in the first paragraph. I don't like excessive description but here you don't have enough. This kind of story works better if set in a specific place, the pacific northwest say, or outside las vegas, wherever. Something concrete.

Another issue is that there's not enough backstory going on. You don't have to do the whole backstory but there ought to be something more here.

[Anonymous No.20156527]

>>20153988
>https://pastebin.com/C55vzqm5
Trying a little too hard, anon. Relax it with the adjectives and descriptions.

[Anonymous No.20156538]

>>20155876
Good to see you back hell guy, I was the pro 1st person guy who gave feedback before. Even if you switch back to first always good to get practice.

Huge improvement here, as I recall you had way too much detail before and it flows much better now. Especially at the beginning. I found it got flabbier and felt more stuck in place around the middle repeating just how freaked out ____ was instead of moving the plot on.

Some nit pics:
Knuckles 'rapc, not 'wrack" if I understood the meaning.
Description of the devil dude was much better but still too much (rule of thumb I've heard is to keep initial character description to 3 sentences)
Cut - "Alex thinks to himself," its redundant as the thought was captured in italics

>>20156209
Based, you can't fake this level of world weariness. This man had read tens of thousands of garbage "chapter 1, scene 1"

[T.R.Anon No.20156594]

>>20153748
>>20153892
Very good premise/story. Short and sweet and kept my attention the whole way through. Dialogue was nice and natural for about 98% of it. There's a few weird lines that other anon's have already mentioned. Also, this may just be me, but I had a tough time keeping Charlie and Stephen apart. Maybe in some of the dialogue, add something like "...Stephen said, from the passenger seat." I had to keep going back up or to the first page to double check who was the one driving. Here's the rest of my little points of interest in the brackets:
https://pastebin.com/zYD3kLkU


>>20156387
>>>/t/1074868

[Anonymous No.20156600]

>>20156594
>190GB
Hooolly shit nice.

Sent from my samsung - SM-A426U

[T.R.Anon No.20156601]

>>20156518
I think it read okay as not explicit saying they were brothers. It keeps the mystery/suspense. I thought they may have been in a drug deal gone wrong at first, and so the cop scene can be used to height that suspense. The urn gives it away immediately that they're kin, and at an appropriate time in the story imo.

[Anonymous No.20156731]

>used to write
>The cooks shook nervously when the magistrates tried their pies.
now
>As the magistrates touched their forks to their mouths, beads of sweat formed from the row of chefs, fearful that a single disgrace would mean the end of a career and lifetime of opportunities.

It's still shit, but wow continuously writing does help.

[Anonymous No.20156768]

How do you recover from the shock you feel after seeing an awful image or reading cursed posts? How do you get back into writing?

[Anonymous No.20156818]

>>20156768
Have a cool story that you want to tell. If you don't have that, you don't have anything.

[Anonymous No.20156829]

>>20156818
But.. but... the things I saw... Won't they pollute the cool story I want to tell?

[Anonymous No.20156848]

>>20156768
Sleep.

[Anonymous No.20156861]

>>20156731
The first sentence is better. it clearly shows that the magistrates are eating pie. The second one? Nothing. They could be tapping forks on their mouths for some reason. No clear picure

[Anonymous No.20156879]

>>20156538
All really good, thank you. I need to tone back some of the descriptions, less is more. I think it get carried away trying to be playful, it's less an effort to be pretentious and more trying to have fun on my part.

As for the dialogue, I've been trying to read some stuff off my shelves to just see how other writers actually go about saying "he said/she said". Seems like a lot of people just don't. I'm currently working on a first person rendition right now, thank you for the motivation, that actually really helps.

[Anonymous No.20156885]

>>20156879
You shouldn't ever feel TOO bad about using "said" because it's practically invisible to readers. I almost mentally skip reading it myself, I just grasp the name and go "oh that's who's talking now". Action tags for dialogue are quite useful, but don't go overboard on them or it feels like the writing equivalent of forced animation, where a character is constantly moving and doing things.

[Anonymous No.20156894]

>>20156829
Just right a cool horror story if it’s that bad.

[Anonymous No.20156925]

>>20156885
I can definitely see what you're saying about them being mostly invisible, but also not being too heavy handed with the action ones. The action ones can feel very impactful if sprinkled in with the right ratio, but you're right not everyone is always pouting or slouching or slumping or jolting up.

[Anonymous No.20156940]

>100 words shy of my 2000 word limit
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
fuck

[Anonymous No.20156941]

>>20156925
Sometimes the best thing for dialogue is no tags at all, just the back and forth. Long as you establish who's talking (it's typically best for a two-person conversation this), you can skip out on them. It's also a good comedy bit to have 3+ characters all speaking without any tags at all, just to identify them by what they're saying and how they're saying it.

[Anonymous No.20156953]

>>20156941
It actually is good writing practice to kill off said tags because then you're forced to differentiate characters by speech patterns instead of the easy crutch of "He said she said" to denote differences between the same wooden dialogue.

[Anonymous No.20156956]

>>20150441
please respond

[Anonymous No.20156966]

>>20150441
write a single random sentance on one file. It has to be completely out of your ass.
then pick any idea you've had in the past year, start a new file, and start writing.
thats how I do when I just need start writing and i write good.

[Anonymous No.20156971]

>>20156953
I've actually tried to really hone in on speaking styles for at least the major characters. I've currently got a story I'm working on with a trio of protagonists, and each one tends to speak distinctively (one is blunt and to the point, the other is overly formal but focused, another is all over the place and tends to change the course of what they're saying as they're talking). I dunno if I do it very well, but I've generally had the concept of "not every line needs to be something only one character can say, but every major character needs some lines only they could say".

[Anonymous No.20156983]

>>20156956
Essays from your school.

[Anonymous No.20157002]

>>20156983
I'm looking for fun stories not miserable academic hoops I ctrl+ved through

[Anonymous No.20157042]

>>20157002
That's your problem. You're supposed to take any prompt and make it your own. Ngmi

[Anonymous No.20157126]

xfbdc

[Anonymous No.20157217]

>Finish draft
>EDIT
>EDIT SOME MORE
>EDIT THE EDITS THE EDITS
>EDIT MORE AND MORE

HOLY FUCK WHEN DOES THE EDITING END?!

[Anonymous No.20157223]

>>20157217
very good books are 20% writing 80% editing

genius books are 80% writing 20% drugs

[Anonymous No.20157231]

>>20157217
>Finish draft
Drafty!

When your friend/proof writer reads it and says it makes sense

[Anonymous No.20157236]

>>20154632
>>20156527
Noted. I figured as much. It's an old story I'm trying to sort out and finish into something reasonable. The last two short stories I finished are much more restrained since I read a lot since then. I think I'll let it alone and just move on to something new. Thanks for the feedback.

Sent from my motorola - moto g play (2021)

[Anonymous No.20157259]

>>20157231
but you guys are my proof readers... and nobody here reads.

[Anonymous No.20157267]

>>20157259
Find better readers.

[Anonymous No.20157294]

>>20157259
I read a book once to pass a high school English class that I already failed twice.

[Anonymous No.20157314]

>>20156594
really appreciate the notes, anon. most are dumb slips on my part but some are intentional, believe it or not, like the missing commas and weird word choices by the characters (an attempt at characterizing their speech). nevertheless they'll be very useful in the rewrite.
>Short and sweet and kept my attention the whole way through
glad to hear but i'm also kind of surprised. i'd expected people to drop it halfway. guess you just really love reading.
>had a tough time keeping Charlie and Stephen apart.
been having trouble trying to make them sound different because i don't want to keep adding 'said' when the pace is going fast. any tips on that? one is an angry cunt, the other is a smug cunt full of regrets...


>>20156518
>I don't like excessive description but here you don't have enough.
heh, same. guess i got too carried away.
>Have you considered identifying the relationship as brothers in the first paragraph?
yeah you might be right. i considered to mention the fact that they're going to spread ashes too in the first paragraph, but... what do you think?
>Another issue is that there's not enough backstory going on.
funnily enough the previous draft was chock full of backstory in the form of flashbacks but i cut them out because they felt cheesy
alright, thanks for reading man. i'll think about this.

[Anonymous No.20157399]

>>20156168
>How do I get instant exitement flowing
you don't. what you need is discipline.
>If I’m waiting for the ’mood to write
don't wait. you sit down and push yourself.

[Anonymous No.20157403]

>>20156209
link to mag?

[Anonymous No.20157410]

>>20157002
Plebbit’s r/writingprompts. There has to be at least one in there that you can use.

[Anonymous No.20157433]

>>20157403
Sorry, no magazine, just a phrase to show how quickly an actual professional would drop that story. They don’t lie when they say that publishers determine whether or not they want something within 2 pages/2 minutes. That’s why you need to have as polished and as impactful an opening as possible and that story did not have either quality, regrettably.

[Anonymous No.20157446]

i keep a document where i save good shit i came across in /wg/ and /lit/. do you guys do the same?

[Anonymous No.20157480]

>>20157314
>guess you just really love reading.
Yes. Not as much as when I was younger, sadly.
>i'd expected people to drop it halfway.
Honestly I was curious what they were doing. If you lean more into that “are they criminals? Why are they racing down this highway so fast? Are they being chased? Are the cops going to get them?” angle that I sorta mentioned, you may be able to hold people for longer if you think they’re dropping it earlier. The mystery of the dead relative also hooked me and I forgot if I said so, but I honestly kinda loved your description of the crash. Stephen talking to Pan was great big brother dialogue and I like how shook up he looked like to Charlie after the crash. Also in the first driving scene up until Charlie goes to bed, I imagined it was a very raining night and the wipers are cleaning off sheets of rain, so adding that in the beginning may help atmosphere.
>any tips on that?
I’ll try to check on it again tomorrow and see if I come up with anything. Honestly I’ve been editing so much the past two or three days (for myself and others), I haven’t written a single word of my ~8k short story since Monday and I need to do that.

I’ll try to make time for you and other Anons that have <5k works that they need read, tomorrow. Good night /wg/

[Anonymous No.20157491]

>>20157446
Anon, you wouldn’t steal a novel.

[Anonymous No.20157503]

>>20157446
what have you stolen so far?

[Anonymous No.20157569]

>>20157480
i'm not imaginative enough to realize how it might look like a getaway drive, so that's interesting.
>Also in the first driving scene up until Charlie goes to bed, I imagined it was a very raining night
won't that be too cheesy? like, too close to the actual crash?
sweet dreams, anonymous

>>20157491
>>20157503
cross my heart i'm not a thief, i just really like them.

[Anonymous No.20157694]

>>20157410
But I don't want plebbit prompts. They don't have the style, the feel I want. They're hollow. Fake. Filled with the unmistakable mark and stench of redditors.

[Anonymous No.20157754]

>1829 words
>3.5 good hours on the page
>all solid words
>MC finally met his enemy who becomes his future best friend after 96,000 words of build up
Fuck me I love writing stories so much it's unreal

[Anonymous No.20157825]

>>20157823

>>20157823

>>20157823

[Anonymous No.20157867]

[Anonymous No.20157875]

[Anonymous No.20157909]

>>20157754
>96,000 words of build up
How?

[Anonymous No.20158251]

>>20156469
Interesting, thanks. For that one I went out of my way to add more narration than I'm used to, because I feel I don't describe enough, but maybe I should keep that more separated from dialogue. Or at least stop treating it like a dial that has to be moved to the right.

[Anonymous No.20158459]

>>20156476
no :)