/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.18137984]

>My brother, Anthony, killed himself on a cool Thursday afternoon in April, a few weeks before his medical school graduation. He was 26.

>He was staying with our parents in the New York suburbs. On his laptop, he read the New York Times and flipped through our sister’s vacation photos. He corresponded with a mentor and asked potential landlords about on-street parking during his upcoming residency.

>On Wikipedia, he read about Baal Shem Tov, an 18th century Jewish mystic who our father says is our ancestor, and the pop-punk band Rancid, which rocked his adolescence. He searched for suicide notes and sites on famous last words and asked Google,
>“How many times does a human heart beat in a life?”

>Anthony had a longtime fixation on losing his hair. In chat rooms he visited, balding men vented and swapped treatment tips. Anthony researched the effects of antidepressants and antidepressant withdrawal on hair loss. He read pages on Prince William – did balding “hasten his engagement?”—and a site called Baldcelebrity.com.
>Anthony was not noticeably balding.

>Two weeks before he died, Anthony tried to procure [a toxic chemical] from dealers in Asia. They told him it was only available in industrial quantities. When a representative at a scientific supply company in Ohio asked about his order, he concocted an elaborate lie about using it to clean precious metals:

>"All work with this chemical is done under a recirculating chemical fume hood at a solution concentration of 1 g/L...[using] this solution, I use a face shield and PVC gloves to protect myself from inadvertent contamination or spills. Release of HCN from this solution is prevented by the alkaline pH of the solution.”

[Anonymous No.18137996]

>The rep accepted his explanation but when the order didn’t ship as soon as Anthony had hoped he wrote again to see what was taking so long. His package arrived a few days later.

>On April 7, 2011, Anthony went for a run and then joined my father, Edward, and sister, Anna, while they ate lunch. They talked about “Anna Karenina,” which Anthony was reading, and Ukraine, where Anna and her husband had just vacationed. Anthony was acting erratic, Anna said, getting up several times and returning with piles of papers. After lunch he went outside. “He was doing leaps on the lawn,” my mother said. “I mean, a type of activity that I've never seen him do. Just balletic. Just leaping up into the air very gracefully.”

>“He's feeling lighthearted again,” she thought.
>“Things are going to be fine. It's been a really rough winter.”

>Anthony was in medical school at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia and he had plans to drive down and see a string quartet that evening with his girlfriend. As the afternoon advanced, Anthony kept changing his mind about whether to go. Eventually he took some sandwiches our mother prepared and abruptly drove off. Our father stayed around the house and Anna and my mother headed separately into Manhattan. Sometime that afternoon, Anthony texted his date, “In jersey but there’s a lot of traffic” and then “Really not moving :(. Will keep you posted.” He returned home and climbed upstairs to a flat section of the roof.

>Standing in the gray spring light, he photographed himself with his phone. He’s wearing a sweater over a sky blue oxford shirt. One picture frames him in a lower corner gripping his hair, looking up at the camera. He’s wearing thin-framed glasses and a few days’ worth of beard. He is handsome; the picture could be a fashion ad. In another shot, he stares directly at the camera, head tilted slightly, lips closed.

>After Anthony took the poison, my father heard a thump from downstairs and found Anthony in spasms on the roof next to a volume of Shakespeare and a pack of Gauloises cigarettes. He didn’t leave a note.

[Anonymous No.18137998]

fuck off jew

[Anonymous No.18138006]

>Suicide is an inexplicable act that forces survivors to seek an explanation. For someone as gifted and lucky as Anthony, the initial impulse is to think the reason must be equal to his violence, to the pain he caused. In the two years since he died, however, no terrible secret or disgrace has surfaced. Anthony’s story is subtler and more frightening and it doesn’t feel like an answer.

>We worried about Anthony, especially in his final year, but his behavior was like so many other high-achieving Americans: He ate too healthily, exercised too much, studied too hard. He could be vain, but elites often are. Behind his veneer of well-being, he cannonballed through as robust a safety net as anyone with a mental illness could reasonably have, including two psychiatrists in his immediate family. In the emails and instant messages I clicked through after his death, he occasionally acknowledged his despair, but in life he mostly passed for a pampered and high-strung striver at a crucial moment in his career.

>In elementary school Anthony was popular and stood out as a soccer player. On Friday afternoons he came home to do his homework so he could enjoy himself all weekend. After going to an academic camp in middle school, he began giving himself an education. “He did things oftentimes in a very deliberate way,” Anna recalled. Anthony would “be aware that this was an author he needed to read” like Dostoevsky, and then read the novelist because the kind of person he wanted to be would have read him. He was always comfortable asking questions about what he was learning, whether that meant talking medicine with my father’s oncologist friend or quizzing our Guatemalan housekeeper on technicalities in Spanish grammar.

>He grew enamored with Thoreau in high school and one weekend sophomore year he took the train to Boston. We don’t know if he reached Walden Pond but more than a decade later both my sister and father remembered the trip as an attempt to run away. “I was both really excited for him and really didn't understand what he was doing, or what he wanted,” Anna said. “I think he spent the train ride dodging the conductor and sitting in the bathroom so he wouldn't have to buy a ticket.”

>“For 10 minutes we said, ‘Well maybe it’s some psychiatric issue,’" my father, who is a psychiatrist, said. “And in retrospect it doesn’t seem like [the trip] was wrong, but it was sort of peculiar. You don’t know what was going on.” As in several later episodes, the Thoreau excursion feels less like independent mindedness than failed rebellion.

[Anonymous No.18138013]

If it’s used to clean precious metals it’s cyanide.

[Anonymous No.18138016]

>In school, “He did everything exactly how it should be done or you fantasize it should be done,” my father said. Even as he excelled, Anthony’s good looks and athleticism freed him from the social death of being a smart kid in high school. “He was very handsome, [he had] a lot of girlfriends, and he was invited to do everything,” my mother said. ”He really was a star. You just felt better when you were around him ... If you were his friend, you felt as you've elevated yourself in a way, and I think that was the draw, but he wasn't a snob. I don't think he had a great sense of humor, but he appreciated people who did. He himself was not lighthearted, he wasn't jovial and spontaneous, I don't think, but I think he liked to be around people who were.”

>I knew so little of this before Anthony died. I was five years older and left for boarding school when he was 9. We never lived in the same place again or spoke with any regularity. We caught up during school vacations and exchanged terse emails about hanging out more, but neither of us made it a priority. We’d always have adulthood to know each other.

>From afar I heard news of Anthony’s emergence as an academic superstar. And like an imperial power amused by an upstart colony, I couldn’t believe that my little brother, whom I remember coming downstairs grumpy in blue pajamas, was so impressive. “He was a perfectionist. Ninety-five, to him, was a failing grade,” my mother said. “He was also very generous with his knowledge. He helped people a lot, in school … He wanted everyone to succeed.”

>Anna remembers the kind letters he sent her when they were at summer camp, signed, “love, your bro.” Yet he could be blind to others’ needs, thinking nothing, for example, of asking her to drive him back to college, rather than taking the bus, so he could keep his study schedule and save some money. She drove two hours out of her way to do it, because she’s uncommonly kind and she loved his company. “He never felt like he was in a rush with other people. If he was with you, he felt very present. If he was speaking to you, it felt like he was focused on you. He wasn't multitasking.”

>Anna, who’s now a resident in psychiatry in Manhattan, said, “His selfishness served him well academically but became exacerbated by his disease. He couldn't have empathy for himself, or for others. He couldn’t think of the effect that his death would have on all of us. He lost the capacity to see an honest reflection of himself and in turn lost the capacity to be able to think about how much we loved him, wanted to help him and would be devastated by his death.” She allowed that, “Maybe he wanted to hurt us in this way but that is both very hard and very painful to believe. His illness was very powerful and challenged who he was.”

[Anonymous No.18138018]

>>18137984
Shit prose.

[Anonymous No.18138021]

Based on real experiences or is it a wet dream of yours?

[Anonymous No.18138024]

>After his junior year of high school, Anthony fled the suburbs for an international school in northeast Italy, near Trieste. “This year abroad would set my life on a new trajectory,” he wrote later in a 100-plus-page work of autobiographical writing, titled “Yuppie Love.” This composition, which he continued to revise during medical school, is spiked with a lacerating contempt for himself and other privileged people -- “yuppies” -- who can’t escape convention, an attitude that was rarely apparent in his public persona. Going to Italy, he wrote, “was a step ladder leading me out of this pool of shit, and I'd be a fool not to use it. This, I promised myself.” In the piece, Anthony described his year abroad:

>Perhaps it was too exciting, too wonderful. Ten years after being in Italy, I feel cheated, lied to. Italy, the Adriatic sea, the teachers of the United World College, the strangers we met in bars and trains, everyone told us that life was beautiful and fascinating, that anything was possible, that goodwill and understanding and interesting, impassioned conversations periodically pregnated with long silences and deep eye contact could bring any two people together … Yes, Italy was good, too good in fact, and my life now is too bad, and it is the difference that is too much for me to bear.

>In medical school Anthony asked for my thoughts on this manuscript and I didn’t read it. If I’d bothered I might have discovered a segment in which his friends in Italy discuss suicide in a smoke-infused dialogue thick with mentions of Camus and Nietzsche. At one point, Anthony calls suicide a “pretty viable option” for “Hemingway, Van Gogh, Kurt Cobain” and on the next page reveals his previous thoughts of suicide: “I wanted to scratch this itch with a knife.” One of this work’s two epigraphs comes from Chekhov: “I find it somehow sad and shameful to admit, even to myself, that my youth has passed entirely without love.”

>Anthony applied to college from Italy and scheduled his Harvard interview in Milan, a few hours from his school. When he arrived for the appointment, my father said the interviewer “acted like he didn’t even know an interview was scheduled.” Anthony felt like he had wasted his time. For whatever reason, he didn’t get in to Harvard.

>“I remember thinking that it was actually really great,” Anna said when we spoke recently in her Upper East Side apartment. We were sitting at a table passing her baby, Natan, back and forth as he babbled and grabbed. “I thought it was important to have some kind of disappointment in life.”

[Anonymous No.18138041]

>Anthony returned from Italy the day of his senior prom. There’s a picture of him getting dressed that evening in black pants and a tuxedo shirt, his mouth a stern little line, hands posed on his stomach, elbows out like a dancer, haughty as a Russian princeling. In Italy, “He met people who were more matched for him, who he could relate to on an intellectual level,” his high school friend Jordan Bronstein said. He also “realized that he had a pretty good life.” A few days after prom, Anthony graduated as valedictorian of New Rochelle High School.

>If Harvard’s rejection upset Anthony – my folks disagree — he showed the resiliency you’d hope to see after a minor setback. He went to Brown and his life of academic and social success continued amid the extracurricular delights of an Ivy League education. He played a young tough in “Romeo and Juliet,” made worldly friends, lived in a university Spanish-speaking house and worked as a medical technician in Spain one summer.

>“He was really enamored by the Italian lifestyle,” his friend Andrew Matheny said. After dinner freshman year, Anthony liked to host coffee- and boxed wine-fueled salons, cafe culture-inspired happenings in his uninspiring dorm room. Afterward Anthony and Andrew often played chess. Later on they would go on double dates and on roads trips with their group of friends.

>Freya Zaheer, who began dating Anthony junior year, remembered two sides to him. He was like an “amazing 19th century romantic literary hero” who read her “Venus and Adonis” and biked around Providence with her perched on the back. “It was so wonderful to spend time with him and when you didn’t get him you felt deprived.”

>He was also “maniacal” about studying. “I don’t think he got a single question wrong on any organic chemistry test,” she said, He seemed similarly consumed by his desire to “perfect his own body.” He established a sacrosanct routine of drinking green tea, working out and taking a schvitz. “He had this incredible will,” she said. “Nothing was more important than his will.”

>Majoring in biology and international relations, Anthony made Phi Beta Kappa as a junior. Without taking a year off, he started at the University of Pennsylvania’s medical school, which is consistently ranked among the top three in the country.

[Anonymous No.18138050]

>“There's like a feeling of wanting to say the right thing, to convey who he was or what he meant to me. I don't feel like I'm doing him justice in a certain way,” Anna, my sister, said. “I felt like he had a really good way of filtering what was important and what wasn't. Except, at the end of his life, when he didn't, because he obviously was sick.”

>Anna hypothesizes that Anthony suffered from depression that metastasized into a “psychotic depression,” in which he lost his grasp on reality. The disease causes “changes in your concentration, changes in your motivation, changes in your sleeping habits” — Anthony never slept well — “and changes in your eating habits. But then it becomes that you have real cognitive changes where things that you would normally think are really a horrible, shitty idea, all of a sudden become normal.”

>Aaron Paul, a friend of Anthony’s from college and medical school, said that when they lived together that first year in Philadelphia, the balance of Anthony’s college career evaporated. Paul, who is no slouch, said Anthony would study past midnight on a Friday, say, for an exam two or three weeks away, showing a “singular preoccupation with schoolwork that was clearly obsessive.” Their friendship suffered. Medical school “can be somewhat socially isolating,” Paul said. “I think we were all at times a little bit depressed.”

>For Anthony’s second year, my mother said he wanted to “break all records.” He set himself apart further, renting a room from a Chinese immigrant family where he couldn’t have guests. Medicine offered Anthony an endless body of knowledge in which he could immerse himself but Anthony also apparently enjoyed the less cerebral aspects of the field. He emailed me that spring, “doing your first c-section on your b-day adds a warm and fuzzy component to this whole med school thing.”

>I visited in the fall of his third year, a few weeks before President Obama was first elected, when Anthony was renting an attic room from an older woman. The thinly furnished space contained a bed, a desk, an electric kettle for green tea and the instant oatmeal he stockpiled. I don’t remember it, but he also must have had an assemblage of over-the-counter pills. “Vitamins, muscle this and heart that and bone,” my mother recalled his intake at the end of his life. “He was taking some Chinese pills over the counter that he got on Central Avenue for hair growth. He might have been taking up to 40 or 50 pills a day.”

[Anonymous No.18138054]

>At the end of his third year of medical school, Anthony accepted a Fogarty grant from the National Institutes of Health to conduct research for a year in South America. My mother thought he should graduate first but he pushed back, "No. You told me not to go to Italy with United World College and it was such a fantastic experience,” she remembers him saying. “And you were wrong."

>Anthony lived in Santa Cruz de la Sierra, a fast-growing agricultural business city in Bolivia. “It had nothing in it except about 4 million people,” my mother said.

>Anthony, who spoke excellent Spanish, joined a soccer club and dated a Bolivian woman who was also training in medicine. (After Anthony died, there was a mass for him in Santa Cruz, my father said.) He studied Chagas disease, which is carried by an insect known as the kissing bug. Patients typically show mild symptoms for a few weeks, and then Chagas can lie dormant for years before returning as a potentially fatal cardiac or gastrointestinal condition. To set up appointments to examine patients and do research, “he needed a team, and they were lethargic ... no one was responding with the urgency that he felt they should,” my mother said. ”He was desperate to get it done.”

>Freya and Anthony had broken up but that year he told her, “I’m getting much worse in my old age, more stubborn, more difficult to be with.”

>Anthony did about 150 eye examinations, “Then he suddenly felt he had to have more, as many as he could get,” my father, who told him to go relax for a week or two in Buenos Aires or Chile, said. Anthony stayed in Bolivia. One mentor remembers having to tell Anthony to stay in bed when he contracted dengue fever.

>Despite his frustrations, Anthony’s research moved forward. Initially, the team thought that pupillary action in patients with Chagas would offer clues about the disease’s future course. Diabetes, a disease known to have effects on the pupil, was used as a positive control. The initial hypothesis failed, but the pupils did help explain complications related to diabetes. When Anthony came home he received another grant to support him to write an article for a medical journal. (His research is still likely to be published.) On top of school and applying to residency, the article “was the beginning of his unraveling, I think,” my mother said. “His serious unraveling.”

[Anonymous No.18138063]

>>18138024
"In his primmest creative-writing-class prose, an aspirational normiefag cooly ransacks his families past in hopes he might be able to pull a few bucks, a by-line and few accolades out of the wreckage."

Did a Jew write this? A Jew wrote this, didn't they?

[Anonymous No.18138064]

>Among our friends, the house is best known for its kitchen walls, which are covered with pictures of my siblings and me playing soccer, on family trips to California and Europe and starring in a preposterous number of graduations. On the large sunlit room we call the porch, which can host a Thanksgiving dinner for 25, there’s a jungle of houseplants, too many chairs, a wall of bookshelves hurting under art tomes and those no-frills paperbacks you can’t buy anymore.

>After he returned from Bolivia, Anthony passed the summer working on the porch. He saw friends, took his pills and did his exercises. He constantly called a statistician who was supposed to collate data for him. He could have rented a place in the city but he’d always been a bit of a cheapskate. My parents liked having him around and they kept the house stocked with the foods he preferred – my mother doesn’t think she ever saw him eat a sweet. Living in New Rochelle he didn’t have to worry about doing his laundry or cleaning the house. In August he learned that he had made Alpha Omega Alpha, the medical school honors society. He’d be one of the top graduating medical students in the country.

>Anthony’s academic schedule was loosely structured so he could meet his obligations in short trips to Philadelphia. By this point, most medical students are obsessed with “the match,” the process hospitals use to select graduating students for residencies. It is famously stressful, but every indication suggested that Anthony would be a strong applicant.

>Anthony was leaning toward specializing in radiology, but he couldn’t get comfortable with the choice. “He was very excited about the idea that radiologists were actually the people making the diagnoses,” Anna said. “Yes, it's the internist who's the first person in the triage line, but it ultimately comes down to radiology, reading the scans and finding what's going on, especially these days.”

>Radiology is a prestigious, lucrative track. But Anthony may have also been attracted to the limited interactions radiologists have with patients. He was “uninterested in the amount of scut work that's involved with other fields of medicine,” Anna said. Anthony wouldn’t have been the first doctor to bristle at filling out endless insurance forms, but he saw radiology as “a way around it. Which, in reality, it's not ... But that was a fantasy that he had.”

[Anonymous No.18138067]

tl;dr after the 6th one

Why didn't he chris mccandless himself? At least that dude left a legacy of sorts. This is all very dull.

[Anonymous No.18138076]

>Anthony dissected his options with my parents and on long calls with Anna. In flailing notes to hospital officials, he changed his desired program, switched interview dates and asked to extend at least one deadline to accommodate his research. As the matching process advanced, between November and January, he considered pursuing pathology, a career of working with corpses and staring at slides. To my family, this seemed even more gnomic than radiology. They couldn’t fathom why he would even consider it.

>Each of them would have preferred, and to some degree encouraged, him to consider a more patient-centric career in internal medicine. “I think you would get bored just reading films all day long,” my mother remembers telling him. “And he said, ‘Well, you know it’s really expanded.’ And I said, ‘Well, that’s fine whatever you want to do. You can always change.” Before beginning a radiology residency, young doctors usually do a year in general medical training. My family hoped it would inspire him to take a new path.

>In January, Anthony traveled to Boston to interview at two Harvard hospitals, Massachusetts General and Brigham and Women’s. He appeared so anxious before the trip that my father wondered if he would survive.

>After the first interview Anthony spoke to Anna. He was “unbelievably ruminative,” she said. “He could not understand why anyone would have him as a resident and couldn’t recall the interviews.” Worried about another sleepless night he considered blowing off his appointment at Massachusetts General, arguably the best hospital in the country. “It was so scary to him and he couldn’t articulate what was scary.” Anna was scared too, “And I thought that if I gave him enough love that he would be OK.”

>When Anthony returned home he said to my mother, "I don't know what the interviews were about." One questioner had tossed him a softball about whether he had any questions about the program, and he didn’t. Weren’t all the programs basically the same? He felt wounded, my mother said, that “No one seemed to raise their eyebrows when he said he had had a Fogarty. That he was in Bolivia.” Never mind that his research wasn’t related to radiology. “He kept saying he'd wasted a year. Why did we let him go?”

[Anonymous No.18138084]

>>18138067
chris wanted to have an adventure whereas this is just a neurotic self-destructive jew at at work

[Anonymous No.18138091]

>Anthony had other preoccupations. He complained of nagging neck pain, the legacy of a high school rugby injury. “I think he just magnified it,” Anna said. “If it was so severe, he wouldn't be able to run, and he was running every day for miles and miles.” His hair loss remained a concern. Sometimes he stood on his head, a crackpot remedy for improving blood flow and stimulating hair growth. In a January email, he complimented my hair and asked how I made it look so good. I didn’t do anything to it, I wrote back, and my hairline was five years more, um, distinguished than his. If I had better understood his condition I wouldn’t have asked if he’d considered shaving it.

>The year in Bolivia still gnawed at him. In his original medical school class, he said, the radiology applicants were less competitive. If he hadn’t gone to Bolivia, he came to believe, he would have easily landed his first choice of residency. This was delusional; he was getting interviews at top hospitals.

>Before his year abroad Anthony had taken a prescription remedy for male pattern baldness that can cause sexual side effects and depression. He brought a supply of the drug to South America, but for reasons that remain unclear he stopped taking it. After returning home, he resumed the medication but the fellowship, to his mind, accelerated his hair loss as well.

>In a January email to Anna he displayed a measure of self-awareness, “peace and love and my endless thanks for bearing with me during my (hopefully) brief psychotic disorder.” She had sent him a list of psychiatrists and he said he would contact them. Nothing suggests that he did. My mother repeatedly asked him to reduce his pill intake. On the nights before his residency interviews, Anthony worked himself into sleepless fits. Before one interview in Manhattan he stayed at Anna’s apartment and insisted that she sleep on the couch so he could be more comfortable. Anna obliged him. In March, we reminded ourselves, he would match at a hospital and this unbearable period would be over.

>It was not all as hellish as it sounds. Anthony could still pull himself together. At my December birthday party, at a Lower East Side bar, he charmed my friends in Italian. One sophisticated woman he’d been chatting with said to me, “Your brother is handsome.” The next month, at another party, he told me he was taking antidepressants and feeling better. I asked him why he was living in New Rochelle. If he didn’t have to be in Philadelphia, why didn’t he rent a place in Manhattan or Brooklyn? He insisted it wasn’t an option, that he knew what he was doing. Anthony’s friend Aaron Paul was there and mentioned he’d been studying gynecology, prompting Anthony to reply that he didn’t know anything about the subject. I took this as an invitation for some fraternal ribbing. Anthony didn’t find that funny at all.

[Anonymous No.18138100]

>Around February, I learned that Anthony was considering doing his intermediary year at a community hospital in New Rochelle and continuing to live with my parents. He reasoned that he needed a rest and decided, probably incorrectly, that there would be less pressure at a local hospital. Plus he’d still follow that with a radiology residency so it didn’t matter. My parents strenuously objected to his turning down a world-class hospital and realized that it wasn’t healthy for him to be at home anymore, but what could anyone do except wait for the match?

>In late winter, med students across the country submit a ranked list of residency programs. In mid-March they learn if they matched and where. If Anthony ranked the New Rochelle hospital first, and they chose him, he’d be committed to it. Anna had labored over Anthony’s list with him and she was confident that he had led with a major teaching center.

>At medical schools, Match Day is an understandably celebrated occasion and my mother asked Anthony if he’d be going to Philadelphia to be with his classmates. He said no. Since he barely knew the students he’d be graduating with, he could just find out online. “I thought that was a very bad sign,” she said.

>And then he matched: A general year at Brigham & Women’s in Boston followed by NYU’s elite radiology program. He strutted on Facebook, “the brigham for prelim and then nyu for rads. all i want to know is who's coming with me?”

>This New Year’s Day my mother and I sat with bagels, lox and coffee at the ovular wooden porch table where Anthony had liked to work on his laptop. As she spoke, she stared at a spot in the middle of the table, one hand curled at her brow, the other pressed flat against her cheek.

[Anonymous No.18138105]

>still more posts
Its not interesting at all bro. There's nothing interesting about this kid.

[Anonymous No.18138108]

>“He got what he wanted and I congratulated him and he looked terrible,” she said. “I feel guilty to this day for not having said to him, ‘What’s wrong, why do you look so terrible? You just won the jackpot.’ I didn’t say it. To me it was such an obvious triumph of something he had been working for for six or eight months. All the work and the pain and the stress and the fatigue -- it was all over and it was all resolved the way he wanted it. And he was just despondent. I never said anything and I’m in pain over that, always in pain over that to not ask the obvious. I almost was perhaps oblivious to the obvious because we had so many long arduous discussions about how he felt and how each interview went and how he couldn’t decide.

>“But most important, he was singularly preoccupied by thinking he had failed himself. He became convinced he had made a mistake by accepting a Fogarty grant, and for that he could never, ever trust a decision he made again. That [the residency] decision came from an outside source. It had nothing to do with him and it wasn’t reliable, it wasn’t accurate. And therefore by extension he couldn’t trust himself to make important decisions. Perhaps he meant by that medical decisions for other people or medical conclusions based on data and research and examinations.”

>In an instant message exchange, he told a friend that the result had left him feeling “dead inside.” As best I can tell, he started pursuing the poison six days later.

[Anonymous No.18138115]

>According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, at least 90 percent of people who kill themselves suffer from a treatable and diagnosable mental illness. Anthony didn’t see a psychiatrist and was never diagnosed, but he displayed symptoms of any number of them. These diseases can be triggered by genetic makeup, by experience, by a life situation, by family dynamics dating back to early childhood.

>Not long after his death my mother asked me why Anthony couldn't just muddle through like the rest of us, why he was so fragile. It's the question all of us who loved Anthony have to live with, how such a capable person could be so wrong about the biggest question there is and so many smaller ones. His death is hard to understand and harder to forgive. It goes against the human instinct to make what use of our talents we can, to breed, to survive.

>Anthony understood this too. His whole life prepared him for work that unfolds over decades. He treated his body similarly. (My mother, when she confronted him dead on the hospital gurney, remembers thinking that he looked like a "Greek god.") “How could this kid be depressed when everything was working out?” Anna asked. Anthony must have wondered the same thing.

>The grief and guilt my family feels linger. For me, they pull more strongly than the memories. Anthony’s friends are building families and careers. My parents' suffering, in particular, has been unimaginable. But they cope and persevere. The April after Anthony died, Anna gave birth to their first grandchild. Anna and I push on, managing as we go. We are living things and it is in the struggle that we thrive.

[Anonymous No.18138124]

no one cares faggot

[Anonymous No.18138207]

TL;DR

Depressed asshole kills himself. The end.

[Anonymous No.18138241]

>>18137984
Stopped after second post, is there an explanation of why he did it? Seems strange, but I'm not going to bother with the rest honestly. Sad for the kid's family.

[Anonymous No.18138247]

>>18138115
>such a capable person could be so wrong about the biggest question there is and so many smaller ones. His death is hard to understand and harder to forgive. It goes against the human instinct to make what use of our talents we can, to breed, to survive.

the fuck? bugmen are really something else. on one hand condemning suicide as completely wrong and then admitting they are just muddling through based on their instict to survive and reproduce like the dumb animal they are.

[Anonymous No.18138258]

seemed like he was a workoholic who had terrible imposter syndrlme

[Anonymous No.18138261]

What fucking race is that

[Anonymous No.18138286]

>>18138241
Ok I read a bit more and it seems there was a lot of narcissism involved. American society is one hell of a drug.

[Anonymous No.18138528]

>>18137984
Meds now

[Anonymous No.18138626]

>>18137984
Read it all, enjoyable

[Anonymous No.18138760]

Sounds like he was spooked as hell

[Anonymous No.18138872]

>>18138626
>He searched for suicide notes and sites on famous last words and asked Google, “How many times does a human heart beat in a life?”

Do they just open up a person's computer to find this out? It really pisses me off. Didn't he have a password or something? How did they log on and look at his internet history?

[Anonymous No.18139036]

I wish all jews would kill themselves tbqh

[Anonymous No.18139222]

>>18138115
Sad, RIP Anthony.

[Anonymous No.18140637]

>>18137984
tl; read just rhe first two posts
why should I read this crap?
luke this anon >>18138018 said
the prose is shit and very tiresome
I don't care that he was your brother
I thank the gods that this retarded jew died
You just made me hate him

[Anonymous No.18141117]

This Jew probably outclasses all of the above anons.

[Anonymous No.18141130]

>>18141117
Not anymore

[Anonymous No.18141143]

>>18138006
Drugs. it normally is, they have an episode of psychosis or something.

[Anonymous No.18141172]

>to add insult to injury, someone spammed /lit/ with some very lukewarm prose about Anthony, estinguishing any empathy and interest in his life and his death.

[Anonymous No.18141179]

>You now imagine your family going through your recent internet history after you die

[Anonymous No.18141244]

>>18138006
>my father, who is a psychiatrist
There it is

[Anonymous No.18141263]

This reads like a greatest hits of his life. This isn't a good way to memorialize a dead family member. Reads almost clinically, as one might expect from a psychiatrist.
Thanks for the read, OP

[Anonymous No.18141278]

>>18141179
>tfw mom found the Guenon picture folder and an entire archive of his works downloaded from Libgen

[Anonymous No.18141302]

>>18138115
I read all of it, you're a good writer anon. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous No.18141306]

I need to thank God more often that I was not born to an upper-middle class Jewish academic family.

[Anonymous No.18141310]

>>18137984
as a jewish medical student myself, it's narcissism.

[Anonymous No.18141379]

>>On Wikipedia, he read about Baal Shem Tov, an 18th century Jewish mystic who our father says is our ancestor

Figures.

This is shitty journalist-type writing. Insufferable really.

[Anonymous No.18141410]

>>18141179
I've thought about that a lot. I will probably completely eradicate my hard-drives and throw their remains into a river before I end it.

[Anonymous No.18141420]

>>18137984

my lifes had a lot more bullshit and here i am, you stop having too much sympathy for people who check out once you really go through it for an extended period. feel bad for the people around them though.

[Anonymous No.18141433]

>>18141302
This is an article from Salon or some shit from like 8 years ago, you little queer with your HR rep grade compassion. No surprise it didn't immediately jump out to you as a boilerplate confessional blog journalism--its obvious you aren't possessed with discernment... you liked this tripe, after all

[Anonymous No.18141450]

Do you still think making fun of young balding men is funny /lit/? Do you?

[Anonymous No.18141460]

>>18141450
But he wasn't (noticeably) balding, he's just a piece of shit neurotic.

[Anonymous No.18141496]

>>18138115
>Not long after his death my mother asked me why Anthony couldn't just muddle through like the rest of us, why he was so fragile. It's the question all of us who loved Anthony have to live with, how such a capable person could be so wrong about the biggest question there is and so many smaller ones.
Fish eyed insects to his exquisite sensitivity and Giga Chadness lashed to their small souled petty boug ‘aspirations’ — that Walden excursion needed to be taken all the way, to get away

[Anonymous No.18141575]

>>18137984
>Anon copypastas an entire Salon article from 2013, t. some retard
>Anons actually start discussing it
What the fuck

[Anonymous No.18141585]

>>18141575
i'm just surprised salon is still around. let me guess they got bought by conde nast and now exist in a zombie state?

[Anonymous No.18141586]

>Alex Halperin is a freelance business reporter and the founder and editor of Weedweek

>Alex Halperin is a freelance business reporter in L. A. where he covers the marijuana industry, writes the newsletter WeedWeek and co-hosts the WeedWeek Podcast

>Alex Halperin, who writes our regular column 'High Time,' has been covering the cannabis industry for three years

[Anonymous No.18141938]

>>18141379
He also classifies himself and family as elites

Really
Really
Joggins the noggin

[Anonymous No.18142011]

>>18141586
someone tell him he puts the pot in nepotism

[Anonymous No.18142034]

Thanks Alex.
That was real.

[Anonymous No.18142084]

>>18137984
Classic Ashkie schizophrenia lol

[Anonymous No.18142091]

I really don't feel anything for him at all. Oh no! I'm not a woman's porno novel caricature of the sexiest most accomplished man there ever was! And his family deserves to lose their son for that? For all his worldliness and education he hadn't realized a lick about life; nowhere is it made apparent that he had sympathy for anyone but himself.

[Anonymous No.18142103]

>>18138016
>He was very handsome, [he had] a lot of girlfriends, and he was invited to do everything,
Lost all empathy. Fuck him.

[Anonymous No.18142235]

>>18137984
This is shitty prose OP. You need to get to the point with every paragraph/post. You are reciting a bunch of irrelevant trivia about this guy's life without unraveling the core mystery (why he committed suicide).

I could barely get through 1.5 posts of this shit. Learn how to write.

[Anonymous No.18142760]

>>18141310
I gotta say that the blessing and curse of the Jews is being good at everything. Whatever the configuration of society is at a given moment, they will reach the apex of it like
Moses. But in cucked postmodern western society this will not produce a Wittgenstein a Freud a Marx or a D’israeli but a man devoured by hopeless despair.

[Anonymous No.18142785]

>>18141117
He's outclassed by the lowest human on earth since he's dead. What's more he committed suicide and that means hell.

[Anonymous No.18143058]

>>18141117
This anon is right. All of the seething, coping replies are kinda hilarious.
>>18137998
>>18138084
>>18138261
>>18139036
>>18141130
>>18141306
>>18141310
>>18141379
>>18141938
>>18142084
>>18142103
>>18142785
>Chad Jew mogs you intellectually by being a well read, valedictorian, Ivy League medical student
>Chad Jew mogs you physically by working out religiously, eating too healthily, and leaving behind a body like "a Greek god"
>Chad Jew mogs you socially by being well liked by everyone, having many friends, and being loved by many girls
>Chad Jew mogs you personality-wise by being a genuine, brooding, troubled, Byronic archetype
The fact that he commited suicide is just the cherry on top. He mogged us all by rejecting the shackles of this life, despite his life being better than literally every larping faggot in this thread.

[Anonymous No.18143066]

>>18143058
cope. necking yourself is the ultimate expression of failure. a pimply virginal incel basement dweller is more of a success story than this dead neurotic faggot

[Anonymous No.18143069]

>>18138115
>why Anthony couldn't just muddle through like the rest of us, why he was so fragile. It's the question all of us who loved Anthony have to live with, how such a capable person could be so wrong about the biggest question there is and so many smaller ones. His death is hard to understand and harder to forgive. It goes against the human instinct to make what use of our talents we can, to breed, to survive.

This is the dumbest, most infuriating bullshit I've read in quite some time.

[Anonymous No.18143086]

>>18137984
>over socialized narcissistic jew killed himself
oh no that sucks

[Anonymous No.18143097]

>>18137984

[Anonymous No.18143107]

>>18143066
>cope
How the fuck am I coping, you dumb ignorant baboon? Am I Anthony? Do you even know what coping is? I'll give you an example
>someone outperforms and outclasses you in literally every field in life
>you COPE by performing mental gymnastics so you can avoid feelings of inferiority
This guy was suicidally depressed, sure, but that does not take away from the fact that anyone would agree he lived a far better life than you, or any of the other coping brainlets itt

[Anonymous No.18143111]

>>18143107
Cope

[Anonymous No.18143114]

>>18143107
>he lived a far better life than you
you know nothing about me you creepy projecting faggot. kill yourself immediately

[Anonymous No.18143117]

>>18143107
>peak evolutionary failure, selected out by nature itself
>chad
That's some serious cope.

[Anonymous No.18143118]

>>18138115
Should’ve read the Tanakh. Religious people are less likely to kill themselves

[Anonymous No.18143120]

>>18137984
My best friend Ryan Dunn died in a car accident four years ago. He's dead and gone. Iceland's his favorite place. I'm gonna build him a skatepark.
You don't have be a musician to be an Earth Rocker. Andrew Stranberg is an Earth Rocker.

My other best friend is on heroin again. He's back in rehab for his sixteenth time. Good luck with that one. Sick of the bullshit. Sick of all this shit. I don't go out anymore, cause I hate every motherfucker, I don't care what they're up to. Four years I wasted, sippin on drinks at the bar, chit-chatting with fucking nobodies. Now I stay at home, like a fucking hermit. I'm not gonna take any shit from anyone.

I know what's going on. I got set up. I got jumped. Thank god Nikki wasn't there to watch me get my fucking ass kicked. She would have wound up with a black eye and prolly went to jail. She has a big mouth.

I live for this shit. I love it. Bring it the fuck on.

Payback's a bitch motherfuck-

>OOOOOOOOOOOHHH OHH OHH OH OHHHHHH CAN YOU HEAR THE CALL FOR THE WASTED AND WOUNDED

[Anonymous No.18143133]

>>18137984
Obviously narcissistic and very self obsessed guy. People like that almost always end up necking themselves eventually. What this guy need was some humility.

[Anonymous No.18143135]

is it really suicide if you die at 26, successful, handsome, 'chosen', loved by women, rich, popular, well-liked.
what really is there at 30 and beyond that is exclusive to men of that age?

[Anonymous No.18143136]

>>18143120
based

[Anonymous No.18143142]

>>18143135
>handsome
Not even for a inbreed kikel.

[Anonymous No.18143147]

>>18143142
I'm going off of the basis of the article anon, also didn't answer my question

[Anonymous No.18143150]

>>18143066
you are extremely unpleasant. i wish you would neck yourself.

[Anonymous No.18143159]

>>18143150
Well sorry but I'm not going to. Despite being no where near as well off as your hero in the article, I for the most part enjoy my life. I really have no sympathy for people who are handed everything on a golden platter and do nothing with it.

[Anonymous No.18143161]

>>18137984
Thanks for posting. Lost two friends to suicide and found this informative

[Anonymous No.18143167]

the greatest refutation for suicide is seeing a cunt doing it, prove me wrong.

[Anonymous No.18143169]

>>18143159
I'm a pretty handsome, rich guy, and I think I'll kill myself just to piss you off.

[Anonymous No.18143179]

>>18137984
>>Anthony had a longtime fixation on losing his hair. In chat rooms he visited, balding men vented and swapped treatment tips. Anthony researched the effects of antidepressants and antidepressant withdrawal on hair loss. He read pages on Prince William – did balding “hasten his engagement?”—and a site called Baldcelebrity.com.
I lost all sympathy here.

[Anonymous No.18143193]

>>18143179
I like how the article blames the suicide on a Jewish mystic, it blames a rock band, but somehow the antidepressants are only mentioned tangentially.

[Anonymous No.18143259]

Is there any explanation for why people do this, i.e. kill themselves before their lives actually begin?

Perhaps its fate and he was never meant to reach adulthood, but I can't help but feel as though we live in a society where early-life suicide is romanticized, almost deified.

In reality is there anything more cucked than untethering from the mortal plain? Even supposing you are a Deist, the best you can hope for in return is eternal damnation. More likely you'll be recycled into the void. You're essentially throwing out the book before you reach the end because you read a chapter or two you didn't like.

Antidepressants are poison, I'd thoroughly recommend and depressed anons reading this use micro doses of psilocybn, coupled with a copy of The Ego and Its Own

[Anonymous No.18143278]

>>18141575
And the retards actually think OP wrote it. I'm stunned at how dumb this board has become.

[Anonymous No.18143292]

>>18143259
part of it is that heroin chic rockstar idea of becoming loved and revered after your death, which is stupid because it's not like you can enjoy that experience in death.
also psilocybin is hard to come by

[Anonymous No.18143298]

>>18143259
'only the good die young etcetera',
since marriage has been associated with divorce rape, not many men have things to look forward to after 30. I can't name any myself, so for most men it's either 'have a family' or 'die'.

[Anonymous No.18143338]

>>18143259
>Is there any explanation for why people do this, i.e. kill themselves before their lives actually begin?
>THIS MEGA CELEBRITY IS ONLY 16 YEARS OLD
>UWU I STARTED YESTERDAY I'M NOT VEWY GOOD
>JUST HARD WORK BRO THERE IS NO TALENT OR ANYTHING OR OPPORTUNITY JUST WORK HARD AND YOU WILL WIN AT LIFE AND BECOME A BILLIONAIRE
>SUCCESS SUCCESS SUCCESS AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE
>I NEED TO LOOK 15 TO BE ATTRACTIVE
>LOL WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SAYING IT'S ALL FAKE AND LIES? YOU'RE JUST COPING BECAUSE YOU'RE A LAZY FAILURE
gee I wonder

[Anonymous No.18143474]

>>18143338
this but less gay, industry plants and people like OP have the opportunity of surrounding themselves with millionaires early on. People who dont have families still have to wait until like 35 to see the money pay off in luxury.

[Anonymous No.18143518]

>>18141278
based

[Anonymous No.18143540]

>>18143167
You're absolutely right. When I was a teenager I thought there was a great mystique to suicide, as if there was a suffering so great as to surpass all earthly understanding. Then I started to notice that all the people who kill themselves are self-obsessed bores. You can make all the arguments you want about the sanctity of life, but at the end of the day there's nothing more banal than being unable to find purpose.

[Anonymous No.18143597]

>>18138006
>Anthony would “be aware that this was an author he needed to read” like Dostoevsky, and then read the novelist because the kind of person he wanted to be would have read him.
Reminds me of a certain board

[Anonymous No.18143621]

>>18143107
cope lol

[Anonymous No.18143731]

>black criminal gets shot by police
>"he dindu nuffin, he was a good boy"
>middle class white dude commits suicide
>"he was a genius, a perfect athlete and a god with the ladies, why did he do it"

[Anonymous No.18143747]

>>18138084
I just read your post. So far the story is fascinating. His family was as blind as he was.

[Anonymous No.18143836]

>>18143058
I mog him because I am alive and not a pussy suicide.

[Anonymous No.18143843]

I'm very sorry for him and his family.

[Anonymous No.18143849]

>>18142091
>nowhere is it made apparent that he had sympathy for anyone but himself.
It's not a moral fault. His turn to himself was because there really was no other for him when he built his sense of life

[Anonymous No.18143887]

>>18143259
>Is there any explanation for why people do this, i.e. kill themselves before their lives actually begin?
He was psychotic. He probably never felt in control of his life. There's this passage about the residency where he finally felt it.

[Anonymous No.18143954]

S

[Anonymous No.18144017]

>>18143086
kek

[Anonymous No.18144025]

>>18138018
I think it feels real

[Anonymous No.18144041]

>>18143193
Indeed. But we're not supposed to talk about the dark side of SSRIs.

[Anonymous No.18144390]

>>18143836
youre a worthless sack of shit who has never accomplished anything in life, and no one will remember you enough to write even a salon article about you after you die unloved and unwanted

[Anonymous No.18144396]

>>18144025
>I think it feels real
Your reality is shit then.

[Anonymous No.18144403]

>>18144390
cope. neck yourself like your hero

[Anonymous No.18144437]

>>18144403
>cope
so that word no longer has any meaning, huh

[Anonymous No.18144456]

>>18144390
Prove it, then. Prove you know this for a fact as opposed to simply projecting. I reign supreme in the world of possibilities while he's a lower pawn in the kingdom of worms.

[Anonymous No.18144559]

Jewish neurosis.

[Anonymous No.18144853]

crazy to think I put in a fraction of the effort this guy did in everything except fucking and driving and I'm possibly happier than he ever was.

[Anonymous No.18145215]

>>18144853
you mean you got the same results as him with lower effort or your results were also worse

[Anonymous No.18145353]

>>18145215
I mean despite my relatively meager accomplishments and effort put into my daily life, with two exceptions, I seem to enjoy my life a lot more than he ever did. Seems cruel for someone to be capable of striving so hard yet be born or made unable to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

[Anonymous No.18145424]

>>18143058
My reply just linked him calling himself an elite and mentioning offhand he was jewish, didn't even comment on his brothers suicide

I think you are the one who is coping unable to take subjective information with a grain of salt, but hey if you weren't looking for validation you probably wouldn't of mass replied

[Anonymous No.18145575]

>>18138091
>Anthony’s friend Aaron Paul was there and mentioned he’d been studying gynecology, prompting Anthony to reply that he didn’t know anything about the subject. I took this as an invitation for some fraternal ribbing.
Kek. You killed him with that burn.

[Anonymous No.18145623]

>>18143118
True that. Suicide is a sin.

[Anonymous No.18145763]

>>18143058
>chad jew
Ahhahhahahahhaahahhahahhhahhahahhahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahhahahhahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha

[Anonymous No.18145795]

>>18139036
basado

[Anonymous No.18145804]

>>18143836
The funnier thing is he was apparently some super achiever medical student but self-prescribed fin which fucked his HPTA and caused depression.
Dumb cuck. Imagine being such a weak faggot that you fall for the baldness finasteride meme and kill yourself.

[Anonymous No.18145829]

imagine being such a psued that you fill your entire life with other people's studies and then kill yourself due to your vanity.
Really fucking low.

[Anonymous No.18145846]

>>18141410
Any normal person would.

[Anonymous No.18145849]

>>18145829
why do you assume he killed himself over vanity?

[Anonymous No.18145867]

>>18143120
Unironically a better read than OP

[Anonymous No.18145878]

>>18145849
Yeah man just take fin and clear up that baldness wouldn't want to lose that retarded jew fro.

[Anonymous No.18145908]

You know, it's poor writing, but goddamn it's nice to see /lit/ actually discuss a specific piece of writing for once

[Anonymous No.18145922]

>>18143843
It sounds like his family was a large part of the problem.
But yes

[Anonymous No.18145935]

>>18144025
It reads like a psych case study

[Anonymous No.18145938]

>>18138115
solid article. incredible how so many people just don't get people like this and refuse to.

[Anonymous No.18145949]

>>18145938
>don't get people like this
Yeah it's hard to understand robots.

[Anonymous No.18145950]

>>18145878
Why did he used finasteride as opposed to good ol' minoxidil?

[Anonymous No.18145967]

>>18145935
like a profile you'd read in a magazine

[Anonymous No.18145982]

>>18145950
Why would any reasonable intelligent person treat themselves for a progressive genetic non-problem?
He was a psued and a fucking retard and his brother writes like a faggy robot.

[Anonymous No.18145989]

>>18137984
Any source, I'm liking it.

[Anonymous No.18146073]

>>18137984
Did this dude killed himself cause he wwas balding? I ain't reading all that shit.

[Anonymous No.18146099]

Jarvis, load the wikipedia page and open up the Early Life section.

[Anonymous No.18146106]

>>18146073
Pretty much, yea. Everything in his life went the way he wanted except for one little thing so he offed himself. Basically a spoiled brat.

[Anonymous No.18146295]

>>18146106
Lol this is so funny. Hey, OP, did you hate your bro? Why would you post shit like that? Making him looked like that?

[Anonymous No.18146368]

>>18143107
>he lived a far better life than you
Because he racked up worldly accomplishments? You're a bugman

[Anonymous No.18146379]

>>18146073
dude killed himself because he got caught in this retarded rat race where he realized that there was no way to live up to the standards he set up.
also because of medicine. don't take antidepressants.

[Anonymous No.18146628]

>>18138006
>two psychiatrists in his immediate family
lol
raped as a child. confirmed

[Anonymous No.18147083]

>>18141244
Dubs of truth

[Anonymous No.18147093]

>>18145878
most likely the vanity only played a minor part.

[Anonymous No.18147675]

>>18143259
You either die a hero, or live long enough to whish your did, as Voltaire famously opined

[Anonymous No.18147839]

>>18145908
lol shut the fuck up faggot

[Anonymous No.18148088]

>>18138247
You forgot
>to make what use of our talents we can

[Anonymous No.18148123]

>>18142760
Kinda wish you were right anon, but as a Jew that failed at everything, I can only be dubious.

>>18143058
From the posts it looks like he was pretty miserable most of his life. If he had lived ten years longer he probably would have gone past the peak of existential ache and learned how to cope with it. There's not much to envy there really, his life looked good to us as an image or an ideal, but as a reality it wasn't good to him, so what was the point?

[Anonymous No.18148143]

>>18143259
Not sure this is entirely a modern phenomenon. By the time of Euripides it was already a cliché in Greek culture that it is best do die young in combat than wither in old age, and that almost any man will experience much more sorrow than joy.

[Anonymous No.18148170]

>>18143597
Yeah, I thought more anon would notice it.

>>18143887
Mental illness seems to have been a big factor, plus overuse of pills of all kinds.

>>18146073
Not exactly but that interpretation makes for a great meme.

[Anonymous No.18148238]

>>18138006
>Two headshrinkers, one of them his father, and he's on (((antidepressants)))
never had a chance

[Anonymous No.18148931]

>>18138067
>Jew
>anything /out/ related
Lmao

[Anonymous No.18149744]

pretty nice read, rip anthony

[Anonymous No.18150125]

>>18143259
It really just makes sense that a huge amount of suicide victims are young people since adolescence is often the hardest phase of one's life and it's also when hereditary mental illness usually sets in. The ones who can struggle past that stage can reach old age since it only gets easier, while the ones who can't just die.

[Anonymous No.18150251]

>>18137984
>Anthony, killed himself a few weeks before his medical school graduation.
Based!

[Anonymous No.18150698]

>>18150125
>adolescence is often the hardest phase of one's life
God I hope so, I can't imagine another 50 years of this shit

[Anonymous No.18151154]

>>18143259
>before their lives actually begin?
what the hell is that supposed to mean? who's life was he living if not his own? when was his life scheduled to start?

[Anonymous No.18151533]

>>18143107
How come he's dead then?

[Anonymous No.18151575]

>>18143259
>before their lives actually begin?
by all merits the guy lived out a spoilt life of being a popular handsome wealthy member of the chosen for 26 years, he probably realised that pretty boy currency was falling off.

[Anonymous No.18151726]

>>18143107
Evidently he did not because he fucking killed himself

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.18151738]

Didn’t like the prose, it felt unnecessary and deviated from the story, which lessened the impact. Know when and when not to describe things in a flowery way. I love flowery but there’s a time and a place.

[Anonymous No.18151761]

>>18137984
sorry about the response in this thread, and im sorry for your loss

[Anonymous No.18151775]

>>18137996
She’s cute as hell

[Anonymous No.18152089]

what a shame. i feel bad for him. pretty disgusted by the uncalled for antisemitism itt. perhaps there is a time and a place for that, but this is just some young guy who had it all but still killed himself. if it does not inspire pity, because he just so happens to be jewish, then youre probably an envious pos, the lowest scum on this earth

[Anonymous No.18152189]

>>18143259
>Before their lives actually began.
Life has already begun, you fucking idiot. Live it, cunt. Bitch.

[Anonymous No.18152303]

>>18137984
another white male who killed himself ... who is this guy?

[Anonymous No.18152387]

>>18138024
I have to say, it's genuinely hard to empathise with people who are so obviously privileged and so clearly self-impressed. Would that we could all "flee to the suburbs for an international school in northeast Italy" when it suited us. You want to know my honest thoughts on this? I think some people are too comfortable... certainly too arrogant. And when these comfortable, arrogant people float through life, experiencing experience after experience, they sometimes become enamoured with experiences they really shouldn't be enamoured with. For example: they might want, at some point, to "experience" what death is like and so begin to fixate on it as the next experience in a series of experiences. Of course, to reduce death in such a manner as this would require incredible vanity. But vanity is one thing this family, this very modern, highly thought of family, doesn't seem to be lacking.

Perhaps I am being too harsh... but I have to be honest. It's something in the assured, vaguely pompous way this person writes; they're writing about the death of their brother the way a NY Times columnist might write about their experience of menopause. There's something deeply materialistic and grossly profane about it all. I think this young man might have killed himself because he was feeling glum, constrained and had begun to romanticise death in the way he felt the "right sort" of people and authors might once have romanticised death in the past. It's a shame he never took up religion; I find religion divests people, particularly young men, of these weird, self-defeating flights of fancy young men and women so often engage in these days.

I hope the brother is doing better wherever he is.

[Anonymous No.18152452]

>>18143058
>and leaving behind a body like "a Greek god"
not with that hair he wasn't
>Chad Jew mogs you personality-wise by being a genuine, brooding, troubled, Byronic archetype
Byronic archetypes, if this man could even be called that, are not genuine by nature. What that other anon said about impostor syndrome was bang on.

[Anonymous No.18152459]

>>18144390
If someone were to write an article about me in Salon after I died, I would think I had clearly made a terrible mistake at some point in my life.

[Anonymous No.18152825]

>>18144041
The positive effects would outweight greatly the suicidal ideation induced by the pills, I'm sure they've made studies on it to cover their asses. One of my bro became suicidal while taking them and it just stopped when he stopped taking them --wouldn't be surprised if it also diminishes greatly the fear of death.

[Anonymous No.18153057]

>>18152452
>not with that hair he wasn't
Nothing wrong with his hair

[Anonymous No.18153075]

>>18153057
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. It isn't the hair of Greek god, however. It's very clearly the hair of a young, Ashkenazi Jewish man.

[Anonymous No.18153540]

>>18138115
>>My parents' suffering, in particular, has been unimaginable.
>jews suffering ever since they rejected our Lord and Savior
many such cases

[Anonymous No.18153606]

>>18137984
>>Anthony had a longtime fixation on losing his hair. In chat rooms he visited, balding men vented and swapped treatment tips. Anthony researched the effects of antidepressants and antidepressant withdrawal on hair loss. He read pages on Prince William – did balding “hasten his engagement?”—and a site called Baldcelebrity.com.
There needs to be more literature that discusses the psychological damage balding can cause.

[Anonymous No.18154586]

bump

[Anonymous No.18154705]

>>18153606
Have you ever heard of a man in any era besides our own who complained of losing his hair?

[Anonymous No.18154957]

Boooring

[Anonymous No.18155076]

>>18141433
>HR rep grade compassion
this one's getting filed away, thanks anon

[Anonymous No.18155096]

>>18142760
there's a difference between natural aptitude (which is random and not racially based) and cultural tendencies (absolute pressure to stand out).

[Anonymous No.18155129]

>>18151575
man i'm all for shitting on the guy but come one, he was going to start his residency.

[Anonymous No.18155403]

>>18152387
He was deeply unhappy. He never lived the life of his choosing. The clues are all there in the article.

[Anonymous No.18155492]

jews die god laughs

[Anonymous No.18155600]

>>18143058
You are complete faggot

>>18143066
This anon is 100% right. If you neck yourself for being sad you are the epitome of failure.

[Anonymous No.18155616]

>>18143836
Based and lifepilled

[Anonymous No.18155672]

>>18137984
>Anthony tried to procure [a toxic chemical] from dealers in Asia.
>[a toxic chemical]

Stopped reading there on principle. I feel for the lad, but this author is disingenuous. Just say it.

[Anonymous No.18155683]

>>18143058
Your post is infinitely better than this entire story
Idk how to feel about that

[Anonymous No.18155700]

>>18143259
>I can't help but feel as though we live in a society
Damn..................

[Anonymous No.18155735]

>>18143120
kino

[Anonymous No.18155770]

>>18138076
>, he considered pursuing pathology, a career of working with corpses and staring at slides. To my family, this seemed even more gnomic than radiology. They couldn’t fathom why he would even consider it.

[Anonymous No.18155789]

>>18137984
>If the rule you followed, led you to this.....
>at what use the rule?

[Anonymous No.18156124]

>>18138091
>efore one interview in Manhattan he stayed at Anna’s apartment and insisted that she sleep on the couch so he could be more comfortable.

>>18138091
>Anthony’s friend Aaron Paul was there and mentioned he’d been studying gynecology, prompting Anthony to reply that he didn’t know anything about the subject. I took this as an invitation for some fraternal ribbing. Anthony didn’t find that funny at all.

clearly gay and coping

[Anonymous No.18156536]

>>18152387
Brilliant post.

[Anonymous No.18156633]

>>18137984
lmao, firstoids are so retarded

[Anonymous No.18158165]

anthony deserved better than what his family gave him. this man was clearly lacking in deep, personal relationships.

[Anonymous No.18158358]

>>18158165
no one deserves anything
he got exactly what he was supposed to get taking into account his actions

[Anonymous No.18158390]

>>18158358
Boomer go away. Everyone deserves a family that recognizes their individuality.

[Anonymous No.18158395]

>>18158358
>no one deserves anything
>he got exactly what he was supposed to

[Anonymous No.18158408]

>>18158395
that's why I specified taking into account his actions
he wasn't entitled to anything, his actions lead him to his destinations

>>18158390
no

[Anonymous No.18158443]

>>18158358
pessimism is the ideology of the bitter, bitch. if you're upset by the suicidal, you've got issues you need to work through.

[Anonymous No.18158453]

>>18158443
how is what I said pessimistic

[Anonymous No.18158486]

>>18158453
you assume him to be deserving of death because of his plight instead of recognizing those who raise him into bearing that plight.
the man probably did everything he thought he could to make him happy, and clearly it didn't work. im sure he showed signs and his family ignored them.

[Anonymous No.18158505]

>>18158486
if he died then he deserved death
don't see where's the pessimism here

[Anonymous No.18158532]

>>18158505
right because you're antisocial and bitter, perhaps even autistic. you're totally unable to recognize people's efforts and see it as quality to be a cunt. i wouldn't be surprised if you're also an atheist.
it's fine if you're just some edgy 16 yr old, but you're grown and still acting like this then i assume you had some sort of trauma.

[Anonymous No.18158544]

>>18158532
what? I legitimately don't follow you, where are you getting these descriptions of me from that saying?

[Anonymous No.18158563]

>>18158544
that's fine. if you dont get it now, you might get it later. and if you never get it then, by your standards, you deserve your bitterness.
im not gonna give you therapy for free

[Anonymous No.18158589]

>>18158563
I still don't get where you see bitterness. Are you sure you're responding to the correct posts?

[Anonymous No.18158675]

>>18158486
He did everything he thought would make his parents happy. Those retards never cared about their kid. When he was about to make a real decision for himself he crumbled. In reality he was as far from privileged as you can imagine

[Anonymous No.18158892]

>>18143120
This is an unironically great post and it better than any of OP’s.

[Anonymous No.18158899]

>>18143135
Life only begins at 30. Dying in your twenties is like throwing out a videogame after the first level; you can’t say you won anything, shit you were still learning the mechanics dude.

[Anonymous No.18158902]

>>18143120
Can I be an earth rocker if I am a musician

[Anonymous No.18158973]

>>18158675
i didnt look at it that way but you're right. the poor guy probably wanted his parents love more than anything.
it makes me wonder how asian kids deal with it.

[Anonymous No.18159001]

>>18158899
>Dying in your twenties is like throwing out a videogame after the first level

Jesus Cringing Christ.

[Anonymous No.18159228]

>>18158165
>this man was clearly lacking in deep, personal relationships.
You're projecting. He clearly had a rich social life, with family and friends who loved him

[Anonymous No.18159304]

>>18141278
I had no clue my son was so based ;__;

[Anonymous No.18159489]

>>18159228
maybe what they loved was a facade.

[Anonymous No.18159563]

>>18143107
Any live man is better than any dead man but no live or dead man is very much better than any other live or dead man.
William Faulkner

[Anonymous No.18159579]

>>18158899
What if the videogame sucks and I want a refund.

[I hate women No.18159646]

>>18138105
based

[Anonymous No.18159865]

>>18141172
lol

[Anonymous No.18159900]

>>18155672
I'm not worldly enough to know what was redacted anon; please inform me

[Anonymous No.18160014]

>>18159900
Cyanide

>>18154705
According to Suetonius, Emperor Domitian did and wrote a book (now lost) about it.

[Anonymous No.18160060]

>>18160014
Thanks. Seems obvious in hindsight. There was no need to redact that

[Anonymous No.18160313]

>>18159001
Life is like a slice of pizza, can't have a bite without some cheese falling off!

[Anonymous No.18160441]

>>18160313
mmm, I do love cheeze pizza...

[Anonymous No.18160545]

>>18156536
Thank you.

[Anonymous No.18160892]

>“I wanted to scratch this itch with a knife.”
Beautiful line, he would have loved Cioran.

Anthony recognized the vanity of existence. Fuck this retard for saying that his suicide is unforgivable. He never told his parents to shit him into this painful void.

[Anonymous No.18161044]

I work at McDonalds and am forever superior to this dead kike lol

[Anonymous No.18161067]

Not a single mention of bipolar disorder, despite him dancing on the lawn before his death. Curious. Bipolar does not respond well to standard depression meds

[Anonymous No.18161158]

>ughghghgh it's so hard being rich and perfect

[Anonymous No.18161170]

>>18143259
This is purely modern psychosis. Build a cabin, push a plow, and tend to the demands of the land. Why would you have any room for neuroticism if you were grounded in accomplishing meaningful tasks.

[Anonymous No.18161201]

>noooooooo you can't just kill yourself you have to pay taxes!!!!!

[Anonymous No.18161202]

Well-written, boring, depressing, and ultimately leads nowhere, juat like all the other shit /lit/ recommends

[Anonymous No.18161209]

>>18143747
His family are a bunch of neurotic mentally ill jews themselves. 2 psychiatrists pushing pills who pain ancestry to a Jewish mystic (confirmed schizophrenia in the family). Kid had no chance and the bloodline is a 1/10 odds roll for suicide and 9/10 odds roll for mental illness. This advice is falling on incredibly infertile soil, but you really need to do your homework before you tie the knot. You aren't marrying an individual but an entire lineage.

[Anonymous No.18161311]

>>18150698
As a healed schizo, it gets better. Tough it out to 30 at least. It got noticeably better for me at 24. 19-24 was a hell of a ride though. Suicide was the least of my worries as my delusions could have lead me to my demise on multiple occasions without me even identifying the danger or desiring the outcome. Coming out the other side of being a basket case my psyche is unshakeable now. I've walked all the paths of madness and recognize their tells and beginnings. Depression still comes and goes but I do not fixate on it nor find it any more distressing than an inconvenience. Life has maintained its ability to overwhelm, surprise, and hurt, but it has lost its sense of finality and ceaseless sorrow. Eternity fixation and hopelessness is a phenomenon of youth.

t. 28 Don't take the meds

[Anonymous No.18161376]

>>18161209
I think it's more psychological than biological illness. If he grew up with different parents he'd fare better.

[Anonymous No.18161389]

jesus too long
cba reading everything

[Anonymous No.18161392]

>>18161311
>I've walked all the paths of madness and recognize their tells and beginnings.
Can you give a glimpse of your experience?

[Anonymous No.18161412]

>>18159228
Idk, separating 14 and 9yo siblings for years doesn't seem very healthy for either of them

[Anonymous No.18161429]

>>18138006
>as robust a safety net as anyone with a mental illness could reasonably have, including two psychiatrists in his immediate family

[Anonymous No.18161449]

>>18161392
I’ve legit stabbed a homeless dude at night sleeping on a chair because I thought it would heal my anxiety and make me more masculine, I still don’t know if he died or lived because I walked like 10 km from my house to find the park where he was sleeping and I bolted as soon I stabbed him in a throat and left my shitty 10$ knife in there. Nowadays I sometimes visit that park and look around to try and spot that hobo but anxiety always overtakes me and I bail after 5 minutes. Yeah its been a tough life but I think I’ve finally found my peace, and I’m proud to say that I did it without taking any kike meds.

[Anonymous No.18161496]

>lived a far better life than you
>killed himself
pick one lel

This guy fell for the meme life. I'm dropping out with a bachelor's in medicine (you need a master's to be a doctor, another three years, the first three are harder here). I had top grades once. It's all bullshit. I'm going for engineering with a work-life balance in my future. Kid should have chosen to live his life, not society's ideal good worker's life.

sad but pathetic ultimately

[Anonymous No.18162460]

>>18161449
psychopathic vermin like yourself will be found and exterminated

[Anonymous No.18162578]

>>18137984
FOREST ANON? is that you?