>tfw I want to be a writer >tfw I keep getting C’s on my prompts in my writing class What the fuck am I doing wrong? I try my best for hours staying up late writing and all I get is C’s.

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Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:03:14 2019 No.13919942 [Reply] [Original]

>tfw I want to be a writer
>tfw I keep getting C’s on my prompts in my writing class
What the fuck am I doing wrong? I try my best for hours staying up late writing and all I get is C’s.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:04:58 2019 No.13919955 >>13919942 Consider reading.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:07:17 2019 No.13919971 File: 500 KB, 648x923, 0013.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] post an example

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:07:24 2019 No.13919973 >>13919942 is your writing teacher a published author? i didnt think so. well fuck their jugdment then

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:10:40 2019 No.13919994

>>13919971
Here’s a paragraph from my last essay about three boys coming to terms with aging. It’s pretty much a coming of age story.
>The cool winds of autumn blow through the golden trees as three young boys walk through the changing stages of the seasons of life. The distance rings of the school bell echo to the skies as Elijah, Issac and Mathew turn their backs to their futures and head into the vast expanse of the woodlands surrounding the school. Issac’s stained white sneakers balanced on the abandoned train tracks as the gang slowly made their way through the winding paths of the forest. While the tides of autumn were coming to a close, a new season of chance and opportunity was just on the horizon, like the rising sun emerging from the dark depths of the night. As Elijah, Issac and Mathew cross the small river bank to the north east of their small town, the boys find themselves at the brick of a large lake, golden leaves dancing in the air as they softly touch the clear waters below.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:10:49 2019 No.13919995 >>13919971 >>13919973 this

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:16:07 2019 No.13920025

>>13919994
who's your point of view? too many fancy words. autumn for fall, forest for woods. anticipate your reader and find a point of view that drives a narrative. in other words, you sound like a student trying to write smartly. maybe you should want to sound like an earthly old man remembering youth. you don't have to write that in, just make consistent choices that aren't bad.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:22:30 2019 No.13920051

>>13919994
you're using WAY too many adjectives that are completely useless. i really get the vibe that you're trying desperately to fluff up the writing with descriptors because you don't really have anything to say, but you want to seem like you do.
>like the rising sun emerging from the dark depths of the night
this line really stood out to me as super lame. i'd really have to read the whole essay to give a better judgement, but from this alone its not good. i'm not trying to put you down, but i'm being harsh for your own benefit.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:22:33 2019 No.13920052

>>13919994
ok this is literally just a bunch of cliches.
>The cool winds of autumn blow through the golden trees as three young boys walk through the changing stages of the seasons of life
just read this out loud. It's incredibly clunky and doesn't even trust the reader enough to understand its obvious symbolism. The seasons changing is extremely common and obvious, so you don't need to tell us that it's the "changing stages of the seasons of life" (I mean just read that out loud) and certainly not in the first sentence that you introduce the idea.
All in all it's just incredibly obvious and elementary but written in a way that seems like you think it's really clever and poetic. Nothing in here hasn't been done before and it's not written well enough to justify that.
Keep writing, trust your audience, and be honest before you try to be smart.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:24:27 2019 No.13920060 >>13920025 >too many fancy words. autumn for fall, forest for woods how the fuck is forest a fancy word lmao

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:27:48 2019 No.13920071 >>13920060 was about to ask the same fucking thing. wat?

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:31:22 2019 No.13920096 >>13920060 >>13920071 not the anon who made that criticism, but no one calls it autumn. no one calls it the forest. its like calling a pair of pants "trousers."

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:31:33 2019 No.13920098 >>13919994 It's another American asks for writing advice and then gets super aggressive about constructive criticism thread. Kys and donate organs you inredeemable pleb.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:31:34 2019 No.13920099 >>13919994 >The cool winds >the golden trees >stained white sneakers >the winding paths >small river bank >small town >large lake >golden leaves >softly touch >clear waters

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:32:05 2019 No.13920100

>>13920052
>>13920051
>>13920025
The thing is that my professor strictly forbids “genre” writing (no sci fi, western, etc) so I find it really hard to write about some regular boring shit when I have this whole world and overarching plot planned in my head. Like if I could just write about whatever I want then I don’t think I’d have a problem. Can you guys rewrite the paragraph to show me an example of how it should actually be done?

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:32:46 2019 No.13920103 >>13919994 >The distance rings of the school bell echo to the skies as Elijah, Issac and Mathew turn their backs to their futures What the hell does this even mean? Also, you're jumping back and forth from present to past tense

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:33:08 2019 No.13920106 >>13920099 I don’t understand what’s bad about these?

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:34:08 2019 No.13920111 >>13920103 The school bell rings as the boys skip school, turning their backs on their potential futures (education). It’s not that hard dude.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:36:01 2019 No.13920121

>>13919994

Everything the other anons have said. Write like you talk and think, not like you think literature is supposed to sound. That is the best advice I or anyone else can give you.

Also while you should take feedback and criticism whenever possible, your grades are not the best indicator of whether or not you are a good writer. Just keep at it and trust yourself.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:36:01 2019 No.13920122 >>13920098 Who’s getting aggressive? I’m genuinely asking for advice to be a better writer

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:36:58 2019 No.13920125

>>13920100
>>13920106
what does genre have to do with anything? you're just cramming adjectives for no reason.

the tall boy went down the steep stairs, to tightly tie his dirty laces, on his blue shoes. he ate toasted toast, from the white toaster. he poured cold orange juice into his purple sippy cup. his mom gave him a brown bagged lunch. inside, were three, crispy, brown, chicken tenders. he added spicy sauce, from the old bottle.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:37:03 2019 No.13920127 >>13920100 >Can you guys rewrite the paragraph to show me an example of how it should actually be done? >Wants strangers to do his homework for him lol

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:37:14 2019 No.13920128 >>13920121 I feel like I always have a good general idea, but have a difficulty executing it. I guess I should just read more and take notes from how authors write their stories.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:38:15 2019 No.13920134 >>13920127 I already submitted my assignment and got the grade on it. I’m literally just asking for advice and an example on how to make the paragraph sound better.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:39:17 2019 No.13920141 >>13920125 Ok I kind of get what you’re saying now. I think I’m just trying to sound smart when in reality I sound pretentious

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:39:25 2019 No.13920143 >>13920106 it's not bad, it just doesn't do much and is a very simple description of the scene. do YOU think this is good writing?

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:39:54 2019 No.13920147

>>13920100
well first of all you need to have something you're trying to say. you don't just write without intended to communicate something, just like you don't talk to someone without trying to communicate. language is communication. it seems to me that you're looking at writing like its some kind of artwork where you just string together nice words to make a nice-sounding paragraph or story, but you need to have an idea you're trying to get across. you can't just write a "coming of age" story. like what the fuck even is that? time? time is passing all around us constantly, are you really trying to point that out?
>things change, people grow up, seasons change
you need a conflict of some kind. but even if you have one, its still an incredibly boring topic to write about.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:43:01 2019 No.13920160 >>13920096 I live in Canada and 'forest' is more common than 'woods'. Autumn and fall are pretty much used equally often. I would never think the use of those words was signifying anything fancy. It's not like he said verdure instead of plants.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:43:12 2019 No.13920162

Does this sound better?
>as the winds of autumn flow through the trees, three students hike through the woods. Past the twisting paths of the forest lays a oasis, peacefully resting beneath the trees as the golden leaves dance in the air, softly touching the waters below.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:44:22 2019 No.13920165

>>13919994
You really like the word "of", you use it a lot when describing things.
>cool winds of autumn
>stages of the seasons of life
>rings of the school bell
>expanse of the woodlands
>paths of the forest
>tides of autumn
>a new season of chance and opportunity
>dark depths of the night
>the north east of their small town
>at the brick of a large lake
The "of" is just getting in the way of a lot of descriptive phrases imo, and it also feels really repetitive and clunky. Try reading these sentences out loud and you'll notice what I mean. You shouldn't be afraid to just say stuff like "forest paths" and "ringing school bell".

Also as others have mentioned, some of your descriptions are redundant. "Dark depths of night" doesn't really add anything. Night is dark, that's kind of its main defining trait, so redundantly telling us its dark doesn't add anything. And there's nothing particularly vivid or memorable about "dark depths" here since it's not tied to any specific image of the place. Night is dark, people understand this, don't waste words describing it unnecessarily unless there's something particular about this darkness, a unique quality that bears mentioning.

In general I think you are over describing the scene without really painting a coherent picture. If you strip out all the "of" descriptions you have a fairly straight forward and easy to follow scene-setting paragraph. The descriptions don't really add much but beat the reader over the head with your seasonal metaphor and redundantly describe things.

But I do like "stained white sneakers balanced on the abandoned train tracks", that's a vivid image, I can see those dirty shoes in my head and see him standing on the rail. As to whether it belongs here or not, not sure, but I'd definitely save this bit since it's a lot more realized than the rest. Sometimes you just have to write a lot of stuff you throw out to get nuggets of usable material.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:49:32 2019 No.13920193

>>13920143
I wouldn’t call it good per say, but I don’t think it’s the worst thing ever written.
>>13920147
Yeah I feel you. I guess in my mind the “antagonist “ is time itself, and how life changes as time goes by, but I don’t think I conveyed it correctly.
>>13920165
Okay I get you. So I shouldn’t focus on over describing shit when the reader can easily interpret what I mean.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:49:36 2019 No.13920195

>>13920128

Another thing is your age. I have a feeling you're fairly young. Writing is one of the only arts where someone often does their best work well into their 30s, 40s, 50s or beyond. You should definitely focus on improving your prose, but if you're under 20 or still in your teens I'd focus just as much on what >>13920147 said. What is the actual story? Show don't tell, etc. A coming of age story could center around a conflict between father and son, a war, the breaking down of a relationship, etc. Life isn't just a series of truths, it's a series of events which reveal truths. So write about interesting things happening concretely, and use the prose and metaphor to suggest and hint at the broader themes.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:50:35 2019 No.13920204 File: 173 KB, 1000x684, 9185780435013670.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13920160 no one gives a fuck

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:51:59 2019 No.13920210 >>13920162 Literally just take out words. >as the winds flow through the trees, three students hike through the woods. Past the paths of the forest lays an oasis beneath the trees. The golden leaves dance in the air, softly touching the waters below.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:54:10 2019 No.13920219

>>13920195
Yeah, I just turned 20 so I’m fairly young. I only just recently got into writing so I know I’m not going to be Edgar Allan Poe on my first drafts.
The conflict for the essay is that the characters get into a gang fight, resulting in one of the boys being stabbed and sent to the hospital, which kind of makes the other friends realize the fragility of life and how you shouldn’t live in the past when the future is bright. I know it sucks but I honestly couldn’t think of what to write about

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:54:18 2019 No.13920220 >>13920204 youll care when the Pan-arctic Russo-Canadian empire becomes the dominant superpower after the northern lands are warmed

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 21:56:59 2019 No.13920232

>>13920193
>So I shouldn’t focus on over describing shit when the reader can easily interpret what I mean.
Yes, but I would say this mindset is more useful when editing than writing. Don't be afraid to go crazy and describe as much as you want while writing, you can always pare it down and delete adjectives while revising. But if you want some advice about how and when to use descriptive writing, it's whenever you are trying to create an image in the reader's mind. This works best when you try to describe something you're intimately familiar with, that has subtle nuances and qualities only somebody familiar with it would recognize.

Getting into this kind of description is also a good way to practice narrative voice and point of view. You can load a lot of personality into a couple short sentences of description. Example: describing a house by connecting it to memories of a dead parent (that room is where I saw my father for the last time...) or describing it as a refuge, or a prison, or a place of adventure, and so on. The point is that description should have purpose. You're not just describing things so they are described, you're trying to make the reader think about a person, place, or thing in a particular way, you want them to see it as you see it, to feel as you feel. So try to keep that in mind when you describe.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:01:37 2019 No.13920256

>>13920210
>three little boys of the school are on a smooth stroll through the windy woods of autumn. past the paths of the windy woods of the forest lay a peaceful oasis, resting peacefully beneath the golden trees of the forest as the golden leaves of the golden trees of the woods dance on the golden, windy air of the fall, softly touching the golden waters below.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:01:44 2019 No.13920259

>>13920232
Oh, I forgot to mention, whenever you write description of something, try to visualize it. Not everybody can visualize while reading, but if you can do it, it really helps when describing things. It gives you a kind of intuitive sense if something is "off" or not.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:05:01 2019 No.13920279

>>13920219

That's not a bad idea at all. But I would have never guessed that from the excerpt you posted. The tone doesn't fit at all and I get zero foreshadowing or implication of anything else going on than just a bland exposition of three boys existing somewhere. Not saying everything has to be telegraphed but there should be some sense of tension or strife inherent in even your description. This example is one that's a bit over the top, but the descriptions of landscapes in Blood Meridian but are pretty much the epitome of this, minus some of the basically extinct vocabulary.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:05:53 2019 No.13920285 >>13920111 why the fuck not just write that instead of some convoluted pseudo-poetic horseshit? if all these dipshits would just write simply, clear,and truthfully it'd improve the writing more than trying to make everything sound clever

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:07:28 2019 No.13920296

>>13920256
Quit being a over dramatic dick. I’m just trying to get advice. You don’t have to be sarcastic.
>>13920232
>>13920259
Okay noted. I’m just really bothered by the fact that I have a C in the class. I’m doing good in all my other studies except for the one i care most about. I just feel really discouraged but I guess I need to work harder and read more.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:07:36 2019 No.13920297 >>13920195 >>13920232 These are the things Op's teacher should be telling him. They are valuable advice, and it makes me wonder how nice would it be to live around a group of talented and interested people.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:07:50 2019 No.13920299 >>13920256 lmao

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:10:59 2019 No.13920316

>>13920279
I won’t lie to you, I was winging the story for a bit until I finally got the idea of the gang fight idea, but by then I was already half way through all that exposition with the forest and shit that I kind of just half assed both ideas together instead of giving either of them time to shine and flesh out. Luckily I can redo the essay so I’m going to rewrite the whole thing from the ground up with my new found info from the anons in the thread.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:11:49 2019 No.13920321

>>13920297
If he just got into writing he's probably taking 100/200 level courses, which are unfortunately filled with low quality students and bored / jaded profs. I have a BA in English lit with a minor in writing, and I sympathize with OP for being stuck in freshman/sophomore writing courses, it's hard to get good advice and feedback out of them. It wasn't until I got into the junior and senior writing classes that I met some wonderful people.

OP seems earnest and wants to improve, not nearly as pretentious as he's probably afraid he is. So I want to help.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:11:55 2019 No.13920322 File: 11 KB, 333x151, DQjFvr6WAAMcXTw.jpg large.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13920296 >Quit being a over dramatic dick. I’m just trying to get advice. You don’t have to be sarcastic. i'm just joking. its all in good fun, anon.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:12:08 2019 No.13920324 >>13920285 Honestly I guess I just wanted to sound smart. I figured using a lot of adjectives to describe the location and plot would help but now I realize it just makes the essay bloated without any real substance

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:14:33 2019 No.13920331

>>13920100
you can just convert the scifi or fantasy or whatever into real world stuff and tell the same type of stories. instead of a party of advetureres walking through fucking Mordor or Mars or whatever to find a magical castle or some shit its a group of boys walking through the woods to find an old cabin or something. instead of running into aliens or goblins maybe they run into a wolf or rabid moose. and in the end they fight off the beast and learn the true power of friendship that was within them the entire time. the end.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:15:12 2019 No.13920333

>>13920296
>I’m just really bothered by the fact that I have a C in the class
Your writing is, honestly, C-worthy, but what bothers me is that you're wondering why you're C-worthy, because that means your professor (or the TAs, or your classmates) aren't providing you with any feedback. That's just unconscionable. The most valuable thing about taking a writing class in college is access to people who will read your work, take it seriously, and then give you criticism to improve. You shouldn't be wondering what you did wrong or how to do better, the stuff I've been telling you should've been told you to by your teacher or his TAs.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:23:50 2019 No.13920381

>>13920333
My professor does give me feedback but I have trouble understanding what she exactly wants from me. Like she tells me “this story can’t be told in such a short period” but she doesn’t really say how to improve it. I just feel very confused because in all honesty, creativity is the only thing I’ve got going for me. I have HUGE trouble talking to people (especially females) so I’m just trying to get better at writing so I can leave my failed life in this world and make a new one for myself in my writing (if that makes sense
>>13920321
Thank you. I know I have a long way to go but I want to better myself as much as possible

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:27:55 2019 No.13920399

Here’s another sample from my previous essay. I know it’s bad but bare with me
>The cold steel gates of the prison opened as a man steps out from the shadows and into the lights of the real world. For the first time in 10 years, natural sunlight bathed Elijah’s skin, showering him in warmth and comfort. Though his name was Elijah, for the last decade he had simply been known as “prisoner 3791”, another forgotten relic of humanity cast away into the sterile confounds of bar and concrete. Suddenly, a white,weathered down pickup truck pulls up to the prison, showering dust over Elijah’s shoes.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:29:52 2019 No.13920409 >>13920399 You are banned from using adjectives.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:31:20 2019 No.13920414

>>13920381
keep in mind that your professor might be a fucking idiot and bad at her job as well. check out the Brandon Sanderson lectures from his BYU class if you want some real writing advice from an actual successful published author who knows how to give practical useful info and methods

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:31:38 2019 No.13920416 >>13920409 I use way to much don’t I?

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:32:53 2019 No.13920423 >>13919994 This just sounds stupid lad

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:34:47 2019 No.13920437 >>13920414 I actually think she’s had a poem or something published so she’s not completely stupid >>13920423 What’s stupid about it man? Share your thoughts

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:39:30 2019 No.13920456 >>13920437 >a poem Wow! guess that proves she's a literary genius and also great at teaching others!

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:40:15 2019 No.13920460

Better now?

The three boys passed through the forest, oblivious to all of Autumn's wonders and its gentle lapse into a subdued Winter. Wayward breezes displaced leaves from their branches, which lazily drifted downwards. Isaac's sneakers trampled one such leaf, leaving only golden fragments for the wind to spirit away, like angels carrying souls to the heavens. Or so Matthew saw it. He had recently taken to poetic ascriptions (even though he had no knack for poeticism). The trio crossed the train tracks and continued towards the town. Elijah looked with unease at the tracks, as if expecting a train to come whistling along at any moment. His was a foolish fear; after all, trains no longer came along this route. Still, it paid to make sure. And double sure. Besides, he could hear the train's mournful horn on some nights. Finally, the three arrive at their destination- a large lake, encircled entirely by trees. The towering birches almost gave the lake an oppressive air, and Elijah was more than glad to have friends along with him.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:44:44 2019 No.13920480 >>13920460 Fuck man this is good. You just blew me out of the fucking water. I’m going to use this as an example for my future writing

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:45:42 2019 No.13920486

>>13920381
>Like she tells me “this story can’t be told in such a short period” but she doesn’t really say how to improve it
Well I actually thought the same thing, but you're having more difficulty with nitty gritty stuff like description and tone and point of view. Story structure is something else, and honestly, something you can worry about in editing.

For your sake I'll explain her comment. The contrast between what you said the story is going to be about, and how you opened it is pretty jarring. For a short story, this puts you in a tough spot, because you have to very quickly go from this peaceful, nostalgic scene to something hard hitting and emotional. You don't have a lot of room to work in a short story, so changing gears and tones can give people whiplash unless you're particularly skilled at doing it. Most often the tone you set in the beginning carries through the whole story. It's easier that way, you only have to expend effort setting the tone once then slightly reinforce it to make sure it permeates the whole way through.

The way you started the story would work if you were doing a longer story, where there would be a gradual change in tone over many chapters, a chance to properly set up the reader for drama, tension, and tragedy.

Again, it's not that you can't do this in a short story, there's basically no hard rules in writing, but unless you know what you're doing it's very easy to write something incoherent and atonal that doesn't connect with the reader.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:45:48 2019 No.13920489
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>>13920460
>lazily drifted downwards.
>golden fragments
>like angels carrying souls to the heavens
>foolish fear
>Still, it paid to make sure. And double sure.
>mournful horn
>a large lake
>towering birches
the entire thread has told you to cool it with these descriptions. why are doing that? this isnt how you talk irl.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:48:38 2019 No.13920498 >>13920489 He doesn't have to write the way he talks in real life, he just has to find a way to describe things that feels authentic. Not necessarily how a person would talk, but something that doesn't feel like somebody trying to be "writerly".

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:48:53 2019 No.13920500 anyone willing to crit some of my recent phil paper?

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:49:59 2019 No.13920505 >>13919994 No offense, but this is awful. Do you read good literature? Do you notice the things that makes that literature good? This reads like a trashy YA novel.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:50:23 2019 No.13920507

>>13920416
As a challenge to yourself try writing with no adjectives or adverbs. Just bare nouns and verbs. Don't be cute and make descriptive noun phrases, be true to the spirit of the exercise. See if you can evoke a clear image doing this. Then give yourself an adjective allowance. Adverbs are worth 3 adjectives for the sake of the allowance.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:51:01 2019 No.13920510 >>13920500 Post it.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:51:11 2019 No.13920514 >>13920505 What’s so bad about it? I know it’s not amazing but I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:53:20 2019 No.13920526 >>13920514 as has been mentioned, write something without adjectives.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:53:51 2019 No.13920530 >>13919994 Learn to say more with less. You'll get better with time.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:55:41 2019 No.13920539

>>13920510
OK just grabbed a random chunk
>This view of God is interesting, but seems problematic. For example, it would seem that God being the cause of every action would result in God willing harm on his creations. This objection and others are answered nicely, however, by Malebranche’s explanation of God’s relationship to the natural world. Malebranche explains that God acts through a “general will” to create “general laws” that govern everything. Malebranche says that God has implemented a few key “general laws” of nature. These general laws of nature are in keeping with God’s good and wise nature, and consequent affinity for simplicity outlined above. Because God wills these laws and their effects through what Malebranche calls the “general will,” he remains the true cause of everything that occurs without willing each and every event, including negative ones like the example above.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:57:04 2019 No.13920552 >>13920539 >, but seems problematic. dropped

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 22:58:33 2019 No.13920562 >>13919942 the problem is that you desire to be a writer. What is your deepest desire? Find that instead of surface level social desires.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:01:05 2019 No.13920569 >>13920552 lol

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:01:06 2019 No.13920570

>>13920526
>The man walks into the bar. He sits down on the stool as the bartender makes his way towards him. After placing his order, the man uses the bathroom
There. Doesn’t it sound boring? Wouldn’t it help to put descriptive words or am I just a retard?

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:01:52 2019 No.13920574

>>13920489
Well, I tried to retreat into a more "poetic" and "authorly" voice when describing certain things, like "Autumn's wonders" and the lake.

>lazily drifted downwards
Authorly

>golden fragments
A kid can see leaf fragments as golden; after all, it's fall and leaves have turned orange, yellow, brown, and so on. Considering that he is described as having a proclivity for poeticism, I think his description, along with "like angels carrying souls to the heavens" is fitting for his character.

>foolish fear
A child/adolescent can think of his fear as being "foolish." The reason is described- "trains no longer came along this route."

>mournful horn
I always thought train horns sounded mournful at night. Or distant, otherworldly

>a large lake
>towering birches
Authorial voice, not that of the kids

Also, I'm not that anon and don't find much of an error with those descriptions. They are all necessary and, in my opinion, tell the reader what he/she needs to know.

>golden in "golden fragments"
Solidifies the theme of "Autumn"
>foolish fear
He feels as if his fear is unfounded
>mournful horn
Imagery. Or the ear's equivalent of that
>towering birches
Necessary for the following line, which states that the lake had an ominous feeling to it.

Of course it is imperfect and written on the spur of the moment, so there may still be flaws but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯/

>>13920480
I wrote more like you once. Just expand your vocabulary, eliminate unnecessary adjectives/adverbs, and keep writing.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:04:43 2019 No.13920589 File: 299 KB, 1036x1154, da3.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13920574 >"poetic" and "authorly" voice

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:04:47 2019 No.13920590

>>13920574
>Well, I tried to retreat into a more "poetic" and "authorly" voice when describing certain things
Well at least you're aware you're doing it. Just try to be more down to earth. If you're describing a lake or a forest or whatever, try to think of a lake or forest you've actually seen and experienced yourself. And describe that like you were advertising the place to a friend you wanted to show it to. Steal real life details from your own past, nobody will ever know.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:06:55 2019 No.13920598 >>13920589 What’s wrong with that? Sounds better than some plain boring shit.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:10:56 2019 No.13920618

>>13920570
The man walks into the bar. He sits down on the stool as the bartender makes his way towards him. After placing his order, the man uses the bathroom

The problem is doing something like this:

>The morose, austerely-dressed man parts the bar's grimy door and shuffles inside. He sets himself upon the burgundy-colored cushion of the stool and awaits the bartender. He curtly grunts his order and, upon ensuring that it would be fulfilled, goes to the lavatory to relieve himself

This is on the other end of the spectrum. The first example is too stripped-down, too bland. The latter is overly-descriptive and gratuitously uses adjectives. When you write something like that, cut out the least-descriptive adjectives.

>The man parts the bar's door and shuffles inside. He sets himself upon the the stool and waits for the bartender. He grunts his order to the man and then goes to the lavatory to relieve himself.

Add a little spice or something after that, I don't know. Metaphors, anything that would help us more clearly envision the scene (but don't use them liberally). Sometimes words like "shuffle" can tell you more about someone than telling us that the man is, indeed, "morose and austerely-dressed." The description of the stool's cushion is unnecessary, as well as the inclusion of "the lavatory" (obviously he's going to the bathroom to piss/shit, you don't have to specify that unless he's going to piss in a potted plant or something remarkable like that).

Just my take on it

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:10:57 2019 No.13920617

>>13920570
That's a perfectly serviceable sentence. Nothing about any of what happened needed adjectives. But let's say you wanted to convey something about this bar, like half the lights didn't work, the floor was sticky, and the bar stools leaned unevenly, sparsely patronized by a few sullen men in work boots and worn out jackets. You know what kind of place it is now from those details, what part of town this is, what to expect from it. Next you could describe our man's state of mind. Is he comfortable? Nervous? Tired? Does he call out the name of the bartender or does the bar tender give him a "what are you supposed to be?" look? These details tell us the situation. From these details combined we get a sense of anticipation and can guess where the story will go, but you still have room to surprise us.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:15:04 2019 No.13920628

>>13919955
Fpbp

Best advice to become a better writer is: read, read, read. A good style isn’t something that can be mechanically acquired by following rules such as, “Avoid using too many adverbs” or, “Avoid repetitive sentence structures.” These can be helpful pointers if you’re just trying to learn how to write clearly in a business setting, but for learning to write poetically, there are no rules. Just read, read, read. Let the style of great writers seep into your bones.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:15:05 2019 No.13920629 >>13920618 >The man walks into the bar. He sits down on the stool as the bartender makes his way towards him. After placing his order, the man uses the bathroom lol u tk him 2da bar? in da mouf out da hose :)

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:16:24 2019 No.13920633 >>13920628 This. Rules are like training wheels, they're useful for learning but you can take them off and do whatever you want once you're sure you won't crash.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:18:12 2019 No.13920639 File: 39 KB, 650x367, brain-to-brain.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13920552 i had the same exact thought then went on to read the next post which was yours.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:22:06 2019 No.13920655

>>13919942
I remember this one dumb bitch teacher who kept giving me low grades for my writing because it didn't fit her ideological preferences. I ended up getting some kind of writing award when I graduated and now I'm one of the best living writers. Those who can't, teach.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:24:08 2019 No.13920667 File: 18 KB, 640x324, fat hitler beats up a transvestite.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13920655 >I'm one of the best living writers I'll have to kill you and claim the title of best living writer

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:27:22 2019 No.13920684 >>13920655 >I ended up getting some kind of writing award when I graduated and now I'm one of the best living writers. nice.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:28:07 2019 No.13920685 >>13920628 >>13920618 >>13920617 Thanks guys, I’m starting to get a clearer picture in my head about writing. I’m defiantly going to save this thread for future use.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:32:55 2019 No.13920699

>>13920685
Keep in mind that a small work, say, a short story, can be saturated with detail. However, if you write a whole-ass book, random excerpts should not have a shit-ton of flowery details and metaphors.

My "revision" in >>13920460 is more like a self-contained story, so some extra spice is understandable. However, if that paragraph is used in a larger work it should have less detail and one less metaphor.

After all, when people read a long work, they're typically going to skim over adjectives and a lot of stuff, so an excess of adjectives will just bog down your writing and take away from the flow of reading (it will also detract from a short story's flow if done heavy-handedly).

TLDR:
In a long work, use less detail, focus on cutting your writing to the essentials but without creating a brutalist monstrosity.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:38:05 2019 No.13920715
File: 116 KB, 1271x629, arab_penthouse_by_andreewallin_d1o33zh-pre.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>13919994
I thought y'all niggas we're gonna tear this apart but you actually gave some good constructive criticism.

OP you create verbal motel art. All the parts are there but it's offensively inoffensive. Maybe write about a subject matter that isn't so cliche. A time that isn't modern. A place that isn't generic America, characters that aren't children on a carefree adventure. Some of your sentences are also sloppy.

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:41:03 2019 No.13920725

>>13920715
Trust me, I didn’t want to write about this. I have a whole entire world I’m building and I’m having a lot of fun with it. However, like I said earlier, my writing and ideas are considered “genre writing” which isn’t allowed (which, IMO is kind of stupid, I feel like she’s censoring my creativity). Also, could you provide a example of a sloppy sentence?

Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:42:59 2019 No.13920732

>>13920699
Got you. I actually wanted to write a actual novel, so your tips will defiantly come in handy. You make a really good point of readers skimming over adjectives, and if every other word has a adjective then it’s going to just water my writing down like you said

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 1 23:46:18 2019 No.13920741 >>13920732 Finally I'd recommend Strunk and White's The Elements of Style; it's slim but comprehensive. Also 500 Words You Should Know just for shits and giggles. Go get em, tiger

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:00:40 2019 No.13920775

>>13919942
>>13919994
Start reading more books, if you want to write a novel then sit down and read a bunch of them.

Stop explaining and focus on showing, what others anon said, your audience isn't stupid.

You want to sound smart but this is wrong, you don't have to be smart. A good prose in my mind consists of the balance between manliness and poetry. As in for manliness you have to say what you mean straight up and at the same time when it is right throw in some of that poetry. So besides novels maybe you can start reading poetry aswell and start learning all the possible ways you can use the words.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:02:26 2019 No.13920780 >>13920111 should be distant though, not distance

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:02:52 2019 No.13920785 >>13920598 no it really doesnt

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:05:16 2019 No.13920790 We should all do a writing prompt together. Give us one, Anon.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:09:14 2019 No.13920801 >>13920790 Ok here’s one: A character wants (X) but (Y) is in the way

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:11:44 2019 No.13920807 >>13920775 I was talking to my dad and that’s what he said as well. Since I work as a waiter, I’m going to start bringing books during my shifts and read when it’s slow. My manager is really cool so he wouldn’t care as long as business is slow.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:19:39 2019 No.13920829 >>13920807 You do what you have to do son and don't give up, hard times are ahead with a good load of failures but at the end of the day all you can do is keep fighting. That's probably what my father would have said, boring but manly.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:20:04 2019 No.13920831

>>13920725
>The distance rings of the school bell echo to the skies

In the distance, the echo of the school bell rings toward the sky.

> Issac’s stained white sneakers balanced on the abandoned train tracks

Issac’s stained white sneakers balanced on the abandoned train tracks sharply contrast the forested path as the gang slowly advance.

Just noticed: too many transformation metaphors. Choose one and make it really good (subtle)

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:23:29 2019 No.13920842 >>13920775 I have the opposite problem from the OP. I can't describe scenery and shit. If it was up to me my stories would just be dialogue after dialogue. I don't know, that doesn't sound like a fun read.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:34:12 2019 No.13920865 >>13919994 everyone really took a steamy dump on this, lol. i just echoing the board

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:40:54 2019 No.13920880 >>13920842 Write plays

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:42:01 2019 No.13920884

>>13919994
>>13919942
Hey Anon, I put the first part of your sentence into a AI that was built with machine learning.

The text was generated here:
https://talktotransformer.com/

>The cool winds of autumn blow through the golden trees as three young boys walk through a forest clearing to play in a well and a pool. But as their mother enters the clearing to take their bath, the boys see their father, the king. The young princes are about to run to their father in hopes of a hug, but their father orders them to sit on the ground. Without a word, their father grabs a knife and tells them: "If you keep on walking, you won't be able to come home alive." For the next seven years, they will endure this merciless reign, surviving the worst attacks of the world's most feared enemy through a combination of sheer force of will and the cunning of their captors.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:45:54 2019 No.13920895

>>13920884
I added a different generation with more text:

>The cool winds of autumn blow through the golden trees as three young boys walk through the changing stages of the seasons of life. The distance rings of the school bell echo to the skies as Elijah, Issac and Mathew turn their backs to their futures and head into the vast expanse of the woodlands surrounding the school.

A pair of black and white striped boots, a red jacket, and a red hat mark the trio as the last of their friends. The trio sits in a circle. A few hands shake as they each ask another for advice. The three wait until all of their questions have been answered, then the red hat slides down the girl's head, revealing a large silver orb.

"You can use this orb to guide your chosen soul towards the new world," Elijah explains in a deep, resonant voice.

With the words of the god known as Sif, the orb is activated. Without a second thought, the trio grabs the orb and walks to the school.

Mathew's feet slip on the hard wood floor and he slams into the door behind him.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:52:28 2019 No.13920917

>>13920884
>>13920895
Is this what schizophrenia is like?
>>13920865
Eh. People are weren’t as nearly harsh as I thought they’d be. I don’t think the paragraph is HORRIBLE, it’s just overly wordy for no reason then to sound smart. I actually learned quite a bit from this thread. Hopefully my next essay will prove better.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:52:54 2019 No.13920922

>The winds shook the leaves free from the golden trees, casting them below Elijah, Isaac, and Mathew's once white sneakers, which crunched with every step. The school bell rings and echoes to the sky, like the sky was itself grander, infinite bell. The further they walk, the further the sound, but its deep hum seems to always linger.

>Elijah said, "Let's not go too far, my sister got lost here once."

>Isaac and Mathew looked all around in the silence that followed. Isaac watched his feet, and his mind would drift off, sometimes into the sound of the nearby freshwater river.

Read this and tell me what you think OP. Can you see why this might be an improvement? I can explain in more detail if you like.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 00:57:35 2019 No.13920936

>>13920922
I think it’s a improvement because you’re giving details by showing not telling. You imply things (such as their once white sneakers, meaning they are now dirty) without directly telling the reader. But that’s just my guess, care to elaborate?

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:03:01 2019 No.13920950

>>13920842
If you really cant describe scenes then don't. Camus: He was on a beach. It was bright

Hemingway: They were in a bar, drinking gin.

Hemingway can describe the shit out of a scene when he feels like it though.

Rather than the cliche scenery of OP. Notice something specific and mundane and describe how it appears it in a strange way. You can expand outward but the specific/mundane thing is the focal point to which the rest of the scene in some way reflects. Could be a man fishing in the distance or a gnarled tree.

Cormac McCarthy describes the moon and sun lined up in the evening as follows:
>“The jagged mountains were pure blue in the dawn and everywhere birds twittered and the sun when it rose caught the moon in the west so that they lay opposed to each other across the earth, the sun whitehot and the moon a pale replica, as if they were the ends of a common bore beyond whose terminals burned worlds past all reckoning.”

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:07:47 2019 No.13920964 >>13920775 this guy will never be a decent writer. he has awful taste. OP, there are a thousand things to do; just do something else. the only reason you should keep writing is if you love the process, because nothing you produce will be good

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:08:36 2019 No.13920968

>>13920936
That part for sure, always should be showing. It's just more interesting that way, and also people like a little ambiguity. I liked your image of the horizon, and you should still use it as a symbol, but don't spell it out so much for the reader. Also, dialogue does a lot to tell the story as well. I put one line of dialogue in and it changes a lot. Also USE METAPHORS. When you're reading an author you really like you probably think they are just good at describing things, but really they use unique metaphors which are relatable and understandable. Master the metaphor and you'll be far ahead of most writers.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:09:57 2019 No.13920972 >>13920964 Why do you have to be discouraging man? Just because I’m not good now doesn’t mean I have the potential to be great in the future.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:10:35 2019 No.13920977 >>13920950 Just want to agree with this post, and kind of tack it on to my last one. The description Cormac gives is full of metaphor and meaning. It is not simply a description. He does not describe simply to describe.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:18:24 2019 No.13920998

>>13919994
Sincerely, you can make your writing much better just by deleting words which "waste the readers time".
>The winds of autumn blow through the trees as young boys walk through the seasons of life. The school bell echos to the skies as Elijah, Issac and Mathew turn their backs to their futures and head into the vast woodlands. Issac’s sneakers balance on the abandoned train tracks as the gang slowly make their way through the forest. While the tides of autumn come to a close, a new season of chance and opportunity is on the horizon, a rising sun emerging from the darkness of night. As the boys cross the small river bank to the north east of their small town, they arrive at a large lake, golden leaves dancing in the air as they touch the clear waters below.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:21:36 2019 No.13921006 >>13920998 So do you think I have the potential? It seems that my main problem is that I use to many adjectives. So If I remove those unnecessary adjectives from my stories, would my writing be theoretically better?

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:21:41 2019 No.13921007

>>13919994
Sincerely, you can make your writing much better just by deleting words which "waste the readers time".
>The winds of autumn blow through the trees as Elijah, Issac and Mathew turn their backs to their futures and head into the vast woodlands. The gang slowly makes their way through the forest. Autumn comes to a close, and a new season of opportunity is on the horizon, a rising sun emerging from the darkness of night. The boys cross a small river bank, arriving at a large lake, golden leaves dancing in the air as they touch the clear waters below.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:27:04 2019 No.13921023 >>13919994 nice run on sentences retard

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:29:14 2019 No.13921030 >>13921006 He just did that and it is objectively better. Edit another excerpt and make it more concise, then post it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:29:26 2019 No.13921031 >>13921023 How are those run on sentences?

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:30:54 2019 No.13921034

>>13919942
>writing class
Ain't going to make it. The point of writing is to tell a story, which works the best when you have a story to tell instead of doing fucking homework. At the very best it'll prepare you to write regularly and getting feedback for you work, which is nice but also not too helpful when the work in question is soulless shit filling paper with words.

>>13919994
>walk through the changing stages of the seasons of life.
>as Elijah, Issac and Mathew turn their backs to their futures
>While the tides of autumn were coming to a close, a new season of chance and opportunity was just on the horizon
Way too on the nose.
>vast expanse of the woodlands
Reads icky. Also doesn't really paint a picture.
>stained white sneakers
Another opportunity to paint a picture in the mind wasted with a dead description.
>like the rising sun emerging from the dark depths of the night
Avoid cliches such as these like the plague.
>As Elijah, Issac and Mathew cross the small river bank to the north east of their small town
Could you make it any more passive?

Aside of these and typos … you used 159 words to tell that 3 boys walked from school to a forest in autumn.

>>13920884
Based AI.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:32:36 2019 No.13921042 Do you really just want to become a writer because you have nothing else in life and not because you appreciate the art of writing? Don't you think you're doing a disservice to people who actually enjoy it?

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:34:52 2019 No.13921048

>>13921030
Ok here’s one:
>the moon light illuminates the sidewalks as a gang of boys walk down the streets. Searching for trouble, the gang heads into the local bar. After presenting their fake IDs to the bartenders, Elijah Issac and Mathew down a few drinks as the jukebox echos music throughout the bar

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:37:17 2019 No.13921053

>>13921042
Dude, I actually want to be a writer. Why would I be using my time to ask for advice on my writing if I didn’t give a fuck? World building and creativity are literally the only things I have in my life. It provides a escape from the real world for me.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:40:07 2019 No.13921059 >>13921053 I really recommend the book Writing Fiction by Janet Burroway. It's worth it just for the short stories selected, but it really break things down. I've read it several times.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:41:28 2019 No.13921061

>>13920950
Yikes, McCarthy reads like a more refined version of OP's "write a lot without saying much".

>>13921053
Not a good enough reason to be a writer, at least one who shares his work with the world.

>>13921048
The first two sentences are aight. Then it died.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:41:51 2019 No.13921063

>>13920972
because you have terrible taste. this isn't a case of 'i know what's good but i just need to learn and practice in order to eventually execute'. you want to be a musician but you were born tone deaf. you're like a blind archer weakly firing off arrows in all directions, thinking if people just point you at the target you'll be fine. maybe you'll miraculously hit that one, but what about the next? what about when the target's moving? sorry, no chance. either keep doing it solely because you love it or find something else

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:42:18 2019 No.13921064 >>13921048 This is better. Now make it compelling. How did the bartender look at the boys? Who else is in the bar? What type of music was on the jukebox? What were the boys talking about?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:42:42 2019 No.13921065 >>13920096 Where the fuck do you live that forest is an uncommon word

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:43:05 2019 No.13921068 >>13921063 >tfw demotivating shitpost has more soul than what OP wrote Feels bad to watch this.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:43:10 2019 No.13921069 >>13921061 How did it die? Where did I go wrong >>13921063 Dude no body is going to be perfect right from the get go. Some of the worlds most famous writers started from shit.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:47:08 2019 No.13921077

>>13921069
There was some sort of rising tension, a "what is going to happen now" thing going on, and then you just told us what happened, after it happened and it was pretty much nothing. Like starting to tell a joke, stopping in the middle and explaining why it's funny.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:54:52 2019 No.13921093

>>13921064
>the moon light illuminates the sidewalks as a gang of boys walk down the streets. Searching for trouble, the gang heads into the local bar. Upon sitting at the bar, the boys present their suspicious looking IDs to the bartender. With a brow rise and a hint of suspicion, the bartender hands the IDs back, providing the boys with three bottles of cheap beer. The trio laughs as they propose a toast to their youth as the sounds of classic rock echo throughout the bar. The dimly lit cigarette buds illuminate the bar as the friends laugh the night away into the rising sun.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:55:55 2019 No.13921095 >>13921093 How’s this sound? Posting this at the gym

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:56:25 2019 No.13921098

>>13921064
>This is better. Now make it compelling.
the bar's gravitational field was irresistible
>How did the bartender look at the boys?
used his eyes
>Who else is in the bar?
transvestites
>What type of music was on the jukebox?
mambo #5
>What were the boys talking about?
football

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 01:59:06 2019 No.13921101 >>13920552 >>13920539 >>13920539 This. Never act like you're not sure in a paper even if you aren't.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 02:26:51 2019 No.13921162

>>13921093
try starting it off something like this
>we gang of four gay merrymakers fossied down toward the local milkbar in the moonlight. there was me--that is, alex--and my three droogs: that is pete, georgie, and dim. after jizzyjacking each other's erected bonudos for the better part of the evening we had got it in our quiffed korovas that a bit of the old ultra anal violence would make an absolutely fabulous nightcap. the bartender, a fat fuck and unfuckable even by georgie's standards, ID'd us. i took out my cock and said 'does this look minor to you?'; without missing a beat he's all 'a Major huh? i don't know whether to salute you or serve you'. the four of us laughed and Dim lit up the cigarette bud(sic) he'd pulled out of a trash can, and the artificial neon sun from the jukebox intoxicated us before any milk+ had even touched our lips

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 02:28:35 2019 No.13921165 >>13921162 Lol but can you actually provide constructive criticism? Was that paragraph better then the OP?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 02:35:22 2019 No.13921182 File: 381 KB, 624x416, 03.caravaggiolanimaeilsangue_uffizi_medusa2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13921165

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 02:37:02 2019 No.13921186

>>13921098
>>13921093
I'm wasting my time with you knuckle heads

>The moons pale illumination guides the boys along the sidewalk in a drunken canter. Looking for trouble, they were compelled to enter the local tavern as if by some powerful gravitational force. The bartender squints at the trio with tired eyes. An almost imperceptible eyeroll, followed by three extra watered whisky sours and a firm head nod that motioned them to an obscure table behind a column. As they triumphantly made their way across the bar, two bearded men in fishnet stockings drunkenly splayed themselves to the young boys. They sat, both bemused and disturbed, making special care that their column shielded them from the leering, mascara stained eyes just behind them.

>Elijah asserts loudly he's "Not in a mood to be ogled by fags."

>Issac rolls his eyes, dismissing this hollow show of anger.

>"A little bit of Monica in my life..." booms over the jukebox.

"I'd like a little bit of Monica in my life," Issac says as he motions behind him toward the ungodly display. Mathew snorts.

>Elijah acquiesces and turns his attention toward the television. "How bout them Cowboys?"

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 02:41:34 2019 No.13921192 >>13921186 This is pretty good man, saving it for future use. But how is my original paragraph? Better then the original op?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 02:47:54 2019 No.13921203 >>13921186 Wait haven’t the anons in this thread been telling me to avoid unnecessary adjectives? It looks like you’re over describing a lot of the shit in the paragraph, which is something I tried to avoid when I originally wrote it

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 02:51:20 2019 No.13921214 >>13921203 you're taking writing advice from a nerd who uses the word 'knuckleheads'

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 02:53:11 2019 No.13921218

>>13921034
I actually agree with you about the writing class. While it’s nice to be pushed out of my comfort zone and forced to write about different shit, the fact that she doesn’t let me get creative with my work kind of bums be out. Like I said, I have this huge story I want to tell, setting, characters, and lore all figures out, but I can’t use any of my ideas because I need to base every essay in realism (which fucking sucks, I thought the point of writing was to test the limits of your imagination)

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 03:04:31 2019 No.13921248

>>13921192
>>13921203
It's necessary because it makes it compelling. Would you read a book filled with shit like;
>the friends laugh the night away into the rising sun.
I wouldn't
>>13921214
why don't you take your writing advice from the tip of my dick while gently tonguing the underside of my balls faglord?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 03:05:40 2019 No.13921250 >>13921248 What’s wrong with that? I guess it sound cliche but I was just writing an example and giving it a ending.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 03:06:36 2019 No.13921253 >>13921250 are you fucking with me?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 03:13:43 2019 No.13921268 >>13921253 Fuck man I’m sorry maybe I’m honestly not cut out for this shit

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 03:19:40 2019 No.13921278

I'm hijacking this thread. How is this:

>"No, I can't possibly produce anything of substance. I am not of that certain mind which regurgitates well. And you know, anyway, that I am greedy with my impressions, in addition to being cowardly. I know everything about me is common, but to see this for myself in the form of some bland creation of mine would be unbearable. You also know that I will never infect my sacred impressions of life with language. To put my nausea into words would be the ultimate disservice, as life's capricious moments would be boxed in and gutted by the intellectuals. My nausea is my final bastion of freedom from the opinions of others."

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 03:52:36 2019 No.13921340 File: 42 KB, 310x475, 25487579.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13921268 I don't think you'll ever write anything of substance. I'd wager a lot of money on it. Prove me wrong. >>13921278 Plagarism is a crime.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 04:02:03 2019 No.13921353 >>13921340 Honestly dude at this point you’re probably right. I mean I’m going to keep attending my class and hopefully improve but I feel pretty discouraged to be frank

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 04:28:24 2019 No.13921406

>>13920399
bio: coldsteel was born with a special power. he was stronger than all his classmates in the prison gate academy. he served in the sterile confounds of bar and concrete fighting natural sunlight and in the final battel against warmth and comfort they were fighting and the natural sunlight turned him to the shadows and coldsteel turned against another forgotten relic of humanity and showered dust all over him. he lost a part of his bars in the battle which is why he doesnt not have a part of his bars, pls stop PMing me askin me why thats why. also autumn winds arent gurly fuck you elijah3791 everyone knos your a fuckin pickup truck scammer fagot

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 06:12:23 2019 No.13921602 >>13920460 this makes me want to puke

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 06:53:30 2019 No.13921704

>>13921353
What the fuck. Are you going to let some random nobody on a frog-breeding forum tell you what you can or can't do? If you're so weak minded to the point of feeling discouraged by people you don't even know imagine what your reaction will be after the first "no" from a publisher. You'd kill yourself. Man up, you entitled faggot.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 07:37:58 2019 No.13921849 >>13920884 AI is scary. Kill technology before its too late

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 08:04:11 2019 No.13921912 >>13921353 read the art of fiction by John Gardner. my cw teacher recommended it to me. he's been published. other books I found useful too are the art of dramatic writing lajos ehri and screenplay Syd field. good luck

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 08:16:01 2019 No.13921941 >>13920785 >>13921602 Are you able to explain why?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 08:25:11 2019 No.13921971 >>13919994 Punch yourself in the dick every time you use an adjective until you stop doing it so often

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 08:27:39 2019 No.13921977 >>13921353 You're going to let some faggot take away your will to write? Fuck him and keep going on if you want to get somewhere

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 09:04:48 2019 No.13922070 >>13920219 >and how you shouldn’t live in the past when the future is bright What is the point of this moral and why did you feel the need to put it in?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 2 09:57:31 2019 No.13922186 File: 174 KB, 1533x961, 1415305272796.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13919942 >writing class >grading writing

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 11:17:45 2019 No.13922451

>>13921048
Why is the moonlight illuminating the sidewalk? Where are the streetlights? Why are they looking for trouble (you don't go searching for trouble, you go looking for it)? Is there any tension when they show their fake IDs, any chance they'll get found out? Do any of them look particularly older or younger, and have an easier or harder time getting in? If there are differences in physical maturity between the boys, what do they think about it? Who's the leader?

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 11:19:40 2019 No.13922459

>>13922186
I agree. I just wanted to take the class cause I’m interested in writing but I didn’t know my creativity would be so restricted.
>>13921704
>>13921912
>>13921977
I guess you’re right. I mean I can write about whatever the fuck I want. At least I have a story I want to tell in my head, that’s what really motivates me to improve writing.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 11:23:19 2019 No.13922473

>>13922451
I was going to say run down streets, meaning they are in a bad part of town and thus the streetlights don’t work/flicker dimly.
They’re searching for trouble because they’re a gang. I was inspired by the outsiders so you might get the general gist I was going for
I did write a little tension with the bartender:
>with a brow rise and a vibe of suspension
Elijah is the leader. All of then are the same age.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 16:40:52 2019 No.13923823

>>13919994
>>13920100
Isaac, Elijah, and Matthew, together standing beneath the swaing boughs of elm, dripping with autumn leaves like dandelion seeds lilting with honey, the gently swaying echo of their shiftless disposition swayed again and in miniature by the the leaves on the brackish and breaking water. As above, not quite so below. Isaac, the eldest by days (but at that age, older by ages), tosses a stone at his reflection and the mirror gives way to a foreshadowing.

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 17:14:12 2019 No.13923987

>>13921042
Who are you to decide the "right" reason for wanting to becoming an author?
"appreciating the art of writing" is bullshit
The very reason I pursue this dream is because I have nothing else in my life just like you said, nothing but regrets, what-ifs and a constant stream of ideas that haunt me every waking moment until I decide putting them on paper

I thought about what you wrote for a while, I don't know why this comment stuck with me, probably because the way you asked it made me think you assume he wants to do that as a job and become famous or whatnot.
While I don't think my reason is any better, all I can do is try

So what is in your opinion a good enough reason?

Anonymous Wed Oct 2 18:32:12 2019 No.13924287

>>13923987
Not him but "I have nothing else in my life" is an obvious reason for oneself, just it doesn't seem like a good reason when it comes to being a published author and the equivalent of "I like to jerk off, I want to make a living from others watching me jerking off" which is cool just not too realistic without reasons, why anyone should follow the masturbation sessions.

>you assume he wants to do that as a job and become famous
If the person doesn't intend to do it on a professional level, they probably would not spend money and time in attempt to improve, and generally approach it from a more personal angle, doing what they like.

>So what is in your opinion a good enough reason?
Having a story to share. Since share implies there is at least one more person involved, the stuff can't be too self-indulgent and has to be of some relevance to someone else. Writing is communication.

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/lit/ - Literature