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/lit/ - Literature

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1302482 No.1302482 [Reply] [Original]

/lit/'s
TOP TEN WRITING TIPS

1. Avoid defecation scenes. They provide little to the plot and are perceived as boring, as cathartic as they may be to write.

>> No.1302483

2. If you absolutely must have a defecation scene, be sure to add character development. The shit could inadvertently become symbolic with the right effort.

>> No.1302485

3. no first person unless it's going to reinvent literature. please.

>> No.1302488

4. Crapping is a humbling thing to present to the reader. Should this be your goal, you could add a bit of sincerity and depth to a main antagonist or villain.

>> No.1302487

3. During a defecation scene, keep the dialog to a minimum. Not only is it unrealistic for a main character to be speaking while he drops the kids off at the pool, but uncomfortable as well. For maximum believability, have the character ask to hold the conversation off until the poo is over.

>> No.1302489

5. What a person does while they drop a dookie could reveal a lot about their character. Do they grunt? Do they distract themselves with a comic? Do they pick up the shit and sniff it REALLY hard?

>> No.1302490

6. Being a mundane task, try to not describe too much of the shitting scene in advance, especially if there is a lot of dialog. i.e. instead of having sentence follow sentence, you could take time between grunts and possible dialog with someone outside the door to describe the stain in the shower or perhaps the sensation of picking up the shit and sniffing it REALLY hard.

>> No.1302491

7. If you decide to give a female character, main, supporting or otherwise, a shitting scene, this WILL desexualize that character, unless of course it is a fetish book. Or they pick up the shit and sniff it REALLY hard.

>> No.1302493

8. Try to not have them grunt to an excruciating degree. If it is a comedic sequence, the joke can be seen as trite and sophomoric. If it is a serious scene, then this will add some much unneeded mood backlash.

>> No.1302495

9. If they are reading as the brown slush drips from their anus, try to avoid dropping names on your favorite book titles, instead opting for a generic book title or perhaps simply an excerpt or two. If you drop a name of a book in your book, ESPECIALLY as they're shitting, then your book may invariably be compared to it. You want your book to stand out on it's own.

>> No.1302497

10. Whether or not the character washes their hands afterward may also be a telling sign of their personal life. However, if the character picked up the dook and sniffed it really hard before hand, make sure your character washes their hands, or else your character may appear sick or perverted.

>> No.1302505

Useful stuff, OP. I tend to include a defecation scene in everything I write if it can be sustained without seeming out of place, so these are good tips.

>> No.1302512

>>1302505
I'm glad to hear it.
Thanks for your input. My defecation scenes had to be polished a lot, I always came across with my character appearing to be better than the poo, too cool to poo, pretentious and snobbish, even if that wasn't their character. I'm glad to pass whatever tips I can on.

>> No.1302516

The pinnacle of /lit/'s worthwhile advice offerings.

>> No.1302517

Good stuff, OP. Thanks for the awesome tips

>> No.1302518

Hey OP, can you give me an analysis of Sancho Panza's defecation in Don Quixote? where he just undresses and shits right next to don quixote in the dark.

>> No.1302520

someone please screencap this

>> No.1302523

My mom always kept chick magazines in the bathroom. I can't shit easily without having a woman's face gazing up at me.

>> No.1302524

>>1302518
If this thread is still alive when I get back from my writing courses, I'd love to. But I'm gone.

Happy writing everyone! Use shit scenes sparingly!

>> No.1302538

Enlightening stuff. I'd loveto hear what other sorts of advice you have.

>> No.1302549
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1302549

>>1302512
You can't polish a turd OP.

>> No.1302553

Okay, good tips, but I don't wholly agree with number three.

An uncomfortable dialog where the protaganist is bussy producing the goods while someone tries to make conversation through the closed toilet door can really make for interesting psychological developments.

>> No.1302555

>>1302549
Actually, if you ever cared to try you'd find you CAN polish a turd. Choose one that's quite solid for best results.

>> No.1302570

This seems like a "Rolling Thread" I'd find in the I Love Everything forum at ilXor.

>> No.1302576
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1302576

>>1302555
I stand corrected. You can also lacquer a turd, for use as a paper weight or cudgel.

>> No.1302583

>>1302576
You can ESPECIALLY polish corpolite.

>> No.1302585

This is why I stopped reading Umberto Eco's Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana.

>> No.1302589

>implying the defecation scenes in Ulysses and Gravity's Rainbow aren't some of the most important scenes.


op is dumb.

>> No.1302611

>>1302589
God, did you even READ rule 2?

>> No.1302637

>>1302589
I don't think you've ever even read Gravity's Rainbow or completely skipped what op wrote after "defecation". The two shit scenes I can think of in it really DIDN'T contribute very much to the plot... quite funny, unexpected, creative and obscene, I'll admit. But then again I actually read the book and didn't wikipedia it so I could sound intelligent on internet forums so my opinion might be a little skewed.

>> No.1302706

Woah, I can't believe this thread is still kickin'. Good to see that shitting scenes aren't overlooked in /lit/

>> No.1302745

>>1302706
I started writing something in first person. Now I'm doubting it

>> No.1302755

vonnegut drew a picture of his own asshole, reinvented literature.

>> No.1302757
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1302757

>>1302495
>your book may invariably be compared to it
The other book or the turd? Haha...

>> No.1302766

>>1302482

Dear Anon, you seem to have forgotten "Krapp's Last Tape". A brilliant play about a man who can't take a shit.

>> No.1303442

>>1302766
or have we?

>> No.1303453

Sticky, close, goldmine

best thread ever

now i know how to write

>> No.1303655

Phlebas, OP. First scene in Consider Phlebas. That's a defecation scene to remember.

>> No.1303964

I have to admit. This thread has brought a tear to my eye. I know now my favorite board. :D

>> No.1304531

Class

>> No.1304543

This is incredible OP, I burst right into treats just reading it.

>> No.1304561

OP, who is that in your pic?

>> No.1305266

>>1304561
I think it's Ugly Betty, but shit, I dunno, I scrolled through my folder and clicked a random image.

>> No.1305270

can we archive please? I... I love it.