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/lit/ - Literature

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9892170 No.9892170 [Reply] [Original]

>A beautiful landscape, with the corn bright in it, but not abundant. Patches of poor rye where corn should have been, patches of poor peas and beans, patches of most coarse vegetable substitutes for wheat. On inanimate nature, as on the men and women who cultivated it, a prevalent tendency towards an appearance of vegetating unwillingly—a dejected disposition to give up, and wither away.

>> No.9892184

please no cornfather

>> No.9892210

>>9892170
A little list like, not great, not a dislike

i rhymed my criticism isn't that dope

>> No.9892217

>dejected disposition

book dropped

>> No.9892218

>>9892210
you only rhymed one line, you've got no hope

>> No.9892236

>>9892170
>On inanimate nature, as on the men and women who cultivated it, a prevalent tendency towards an appearance of vegetating unwillingly—a dejected disposition to give up, and wither away.

Too much purple prose at this one.
Purple prose is okay from time to time, but this text you presentes op, already is a bit dry, what dosent mean is bad, but this second part is what truly kills it for me.

>> No.9892240

>>9892218
I could run on too, but succinct is my trope
so the sum is greater, a bow from short rope

>> No.9892256

>>9892170
DESU it would seem every great novel was panned well before it was considered high art, so don't worry about what people think of your writing.

If it is your way of expressing yourself, than so be it.

Unless you want to be Stephen King or some shit. This is not how you write a mystery novel, I guess.

>> No.9892273

>>9892170
It's overwritten. I wouldn't read much more of it. I'd open to a couple of random pages to see if there was anything of interest.

>> No.9892284

OP here. I didn't write it. I copied a random part of A Tale of Two Cities.

>> No.9892322

>>9892284
A good reminder of why I don't read Dickens. On a related note, I also hate the million tv/movie versions of A Christmas Carol.

>> No.9892370

>>9892170
>A beautiful landscape, with the corn bright in it, but not abundant.
That's horrible enough to make me stop bothering with the rest.

>>9892284
Dickens writing is so shit because the dude got paid per word, he usually saved it with a great premise and an enjoyable plot though.

>> No.9892379

>>9892170
wtf why u writing about corn. are u some sort of cornjob

>> No.9892386

>>9892170
Not if it's all about wheat. xD Seriously though, I don't really care for le standard "x is like le wacky y" descriptions.

>> No.9892464
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9892464

>>9892170
>First adjective describing something is "beautiful."
>Single sentences that contains 5 adjectives.
>List items don't follow parallel structure.
>Uses the word "prevalent" to describe a subtle and not-directly-visible phenomenon.
>Phrase following a hyphen is a restatement of the previous clause, not a clarification or alteration.