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/lit/ - Literature

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977255 No.977255 [Reply] [Original]

I was considering getting an assistant, what do you think of this ad to put on craigslist?
------------------------
Self important alcoholic failed writer seeks Arm Candy personal assistant.

Must be able to type well, look good in a black dress, drive my drunk ass home, suffer the company of pseudo philosophers and act as a creative muse. Expect to be naked once a month to pose for charcoal sketches and rarely finished paintings. Will attend awkward political meetings, nerdy game/comic conventions regularly (long distance travel for a weekend quarterly). Being conversational on the topics of art and music a plus.

Position pays $20 hr, and averages 15-25 hours a week.
All resumes must be accompanied with a recent photograph.

>> No.977268

nice dubs

>> No.977263

May I apply? I'm none of those, btw.

>> No.977286

Your post made me smile for the first time today, OP. That's the closest I've come to laughing in ten years... thank you.

>> No.977281
File: 1.19 MB, 1280x854, 1279004784238.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
977281

Post a photo, it would be beneficial to see the potential applicants.

>> No.977291

Man, I wish I could find a job like that.

>> No.977305
File: 40 KB, 650x477, george.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
977305

I was considering getting an assistant, what do you think of this ad to put on craigslist?
------------------------
Self important alcoholic failed writer seeks Arm Candy personal assistant.

Must be able to type well, look good in a black dress, drive my drunk ass home, suffer the company of pseudo philosophers and act as a creative muse. Expect to be naked once a month to pose for charcoal sketches and rarely finished paintings. Will attend awkward political meetings, nerdy game/comic conventions regularly (long distance travel for a weekend quarterly). Being conversational on the topics of art and music a plus.

Position pays $20 hr, and averages 15-25 hours a week.
All resumes must be accompanied with a recent photograph.

Pic related; it's me.

>> No.977312
File: 62 KB, 597x799, 1280263913738.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
977312

>>977281
legit as shit

>> No.977313
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977313

>>977291

see >>977281

>> No.977325

>>977286
>That's the closest I've come to laughing in ten years... thank you.
You must lead a humorless life.

>> No.977333

>>977281

is...is that frodo?

>> No.977338
File: 217 KB, 800x556, LloydGrimes_TreaureHunter_GALLERY.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
977338

>>977312

Can you handle pearlsnaps, cigarettes, scotch, and rambly conversations about the decline of western civilization while attending indie art exhibits?

>> No.977375

>>977338
I simply adore pearlsnaps, cigarettes, scotch, and rambly conversations about the decline of western civilization while attending indie art exhibits.

>> No.977385

Is it sad that this actually sounds interesting?

>> No.977388
File: 130 KB, 4748x324, 1277651469472.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
977388

Brokne Glass

>> No.977390

>>977375

And you don't mind modeling ?

>> No.977398

>>977325
very yes.

>> No.977404

I would do this. It sounds like a fucking adventure.

>> No.977414

>>977255
For 20 dollars an hour I'm your girl.

>> No.977416

the fuck are pearlsnaps?

>> No.977426
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977426

>>977404

see >>977281

I'd like to see the actual quality of women interested before I worry about buying ad space.

>> No.977421

Just dont tell them about your std's

>> No.977443

>>977426

How 'bout you post a picture of YOURSELF? Feel free to break it up into several if your huge, disgusting neckbeard simply won't fit into one photo.

>> No.977455

>>977443
I lol'd again. That's twice. TWICE in ONE day.

>> No.977460
File: 169 KB, 513x575, pearl.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
977460

>>977416

>> No.977466
File: 96 KB, 4408x264, 1271957975614.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
977466

Bump

...Because I can

>> No.977468
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977468

hi there

can you recommend some ocolb ooks for man to read during the summer

chrees

>> No.977470

>>977460
Oh. Yeah. I've got some of those on a denim shirt. They make nice pearly noises when they snap on.

>> No.977471
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977471

Also, opinions on the book?

>> No.977487
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977487

>> No.977489

what book?

>> No.977495

This is awesome as hell, legitimately, go for it.

Actually going to write an indie / quirky romantic comedy about this concept

>> No.977491
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977491

WHILE THIS FAGGOTS SPAMS /LIT/, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS READ?

DR JEKYLL AND MR HYDE FOR ME. THANKS TO A RECOMMENDATION BY SEXY JOHN.

PICTURE OF ONE OF MY FAVOURITE NOVELS AS PER RECOMMENDED BY SOMEONE ON /LIT/.

>> No.977503
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977503

And Peake, but it's s oobviously trolling.

>> No.977507

.....What do you do that you have this kind of money to waste?

>> No.977508

>>977495
the movie will star luke wilson as the writer okay?

>> No.977511

given today's economy, Im sure you'll get at least a few serious replies.

should be interesting. post results.

>> No.977513

>>977511
DRAAAAAAAAAINAGE

>> No.977514

>>977507
US Army officer.

Further requirements...

Late night trips to greasy spoons, “majik” rituals, strip clubs, poetry readings (generally awful material), maintain a calender and manage appointments, play a seductive tease to publishers and buyers, endure ego-maniacal tantrums about misunderstood genius.

>> No.977523
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977523

>> No.977541
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977541

I amA ndrew Ryan and what is this.

>> No.977554
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977554

Jesus christ moot needs to do something abotu this.

>> No.977556

>>977508
Yeah that would be a good choice, altho for some reason I can kind of see Owen Wilson doing a better job, if he wants to do something a little less lucrative than his normal low-quality fare. I know it sounds crazy, but I think he could pull it off. Be a little more serious than usual.

Obv the female lead is Ellen Page or Zooey Deschanel or whatever other quirky, dark-haired, cute indie female actor we can find

>> No.977561

>>977541
rapture

>> No.977566

>>977554
Truer words, Spambot.

Truer words.

>> No.977574
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977574

>>977514

Also... interview involves getting shitfaced drunk.

>> No.977578
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977578

Y
ou had to memorize all of Chaucer? That's impressive.

>> No.977592

>>977556
That's actually a really good idea. Owen Wilson in a serious role. I don't think I've ever seen it done... unless you can count the Wes Anderson films as serious, which they're really not.

What about that French chick? The one who worked in Public Enemies second to Depp?

>> No.977599

The OP should be played by Sean Connery.

>> No.977608
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977608

oh shi- the spam tells on it's fuckings elf!!!!!

>> No.977615

>>977599

I'd rather be played by Jude Law. I'm only 27.

>> No.977618
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977618

Me likey "Madame Bovray." French lit doesn't get a lot of play around here.

>> No.977620
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977620

what does this mean
does she like us or not
because the first part fo the emssage says poposite of what the second part says
i know it's mostly hipster dialogue but i can't fgiure it out this time

>> No.977627

>>977599
That's a different movie than the one I'm thinking of

If Sean Connery stars, it's an uplifting, inspirational movie movie about a quirky friendship. Think Scent of a Woman, except more modern, more indie, and more quirky.

I think it would be better as quirky rom-com, which means you need a younger lead - like Luke or Owen Wilson.

>>977592
Yeah, she'd be a perfectly fine fit. But, to be honest, the female lead is pretty easy to fill

>> No.977642

>>977615
sean connery is still young!

>> No.977645

I will write a novel about this thread.

>> No.977646
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977646

both.

>> No.977650

>>977627
And we can work Bill Murray into it somehow!

>> No.977654
File: 185 KB, 4408x433, 1274350672482.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
977654

Bump. Can't believe anybody is stupid enough to fall for this shit.

>> No.977663

>>977646
You know, I kind of think we should use the spambot as some sort of oracle, a cryptic, I Ching-like divinatory device. Use each post as an omen for the future, answer questions and shit.

>> No.977664
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977664

>>977645

do I still get to be an army officer with bizarre tastes, or will i be turned into an unemployed hipster wasting the last of an inheritance trying to work on my own novel?

>> No.977683

>>977664
You'll be a pretty cool guy.

>> No.977717
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977717

>>977683

charming.

>> No.977742
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977742

>>977255

any other comments/suggestions/ideas?

>> No.977752

An Army officer who writes, self-diagnoses as a "self-important alcoholic failed writer," wears pearlsnaps, posted to the States? How have you not been Dishonorably Discharged for homosexuality yet?

>> No.977761

I know of 3 girls that would go for OP's offer right now, no questions asked.

>> No.977779
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977779

>>977761

description of their character and appearance?

>> No.977785

This right here is a man who wishes he was some big shot writer who sits in coffee shops only him and two anorexic smokers know of. In reality it's some hipster asshole with a genius grant. We all know it. He wishes he was this interesting.

>> No.977792

>>977785
You kind of need to be a genius to get a Genius Grant.

>> No.977805

>>977792
You're right. OP probably had to use spell check 17 times in the first line.

>> No.977816

>>977792
Ha ha, John Sayles got a genius grant. That pretty much means anyone can do it if they try.

>> No.977817

Sauce on OP's pic would be lovely, thank you.

>> No.977848
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977848

>> No.977880

>>977848
You forgot about the pearlsnaps.

>> No.977891
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977891

>>977880

The red shirt I drew on it is a pearl snap.

>> No.977901

>>977891
Oh yes. I see that now.

>> No.977904
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977904

so utterly pathetic

>> No.977905
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977905

I should post one of those. I can find 300 dollars to spend.

I'd offer $12 first. To see if I get get it for less.

It's amazing the number of women who would gladly pose naked but are just waiting to be asked for it.