/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.9556110]

>local bookstore installed pleb detectors

[Anonymous No.9556133]

>>9556110

Do they only go off when you buy a Stephen King novel?

[Anonymous No.9556147]

>only plebs allowed
>no pleb, no sale

[Anonymous No.9556148]

>>9556110
Did they take the shitty novels and put it in one place specifically? One time my local bookstore took all the young adult novels and such and put them all in the same place. They have sections for certain genres, but no matter what the genre was they didn't put them with the others of the same kind.

[Anonymous No.9556149]

>>9556133
Whoever buys physical books in this day and age is a pleb who is looking for an experience rather than the information contained within the books so it probably goes off 24/7.

[Anonymous No.9556154]

>>9556110
Oh god I know your pain OP
>go to book store
>try to buy a copy of "beyond good and evil"
>pleb detectors start going off
>they force me to read the 1st 30 pages out loud in front of everyone as punishment
>girl I like is there
>she throws a glass of water in my face as I stumble through words I don't understand without the ability to google

[Anonymous No.9556159]

>>9556149
Why can't it be both?

[Anonymous No.9556176]

>>9556159
Then you wouldn't be a pleb, but you obviously are.

[Anonymous No.9556190]

>local bookstore started having a no singles policy

[Anonymous No.9556194]

>local bookstore made me leave my coffee at the front desk
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.9556208]

>Bookstore stopped serving alcohol.

[Anonymous No.9556219]

>>9556208
>bookstore doesn't have anywhere to ash my bowl

[Anonymous No.9556297]

>wanna pick up some right wing literature from the bookstore
>grab the jews by hilaire belloc, the cantos by ezra pound and thus spake zarathustra by friedrich nietzsche
>cashier looks panicked when i take them to the register and i notice her hand go under the desk, probably to press a silent alarm
>two security guards, a tall african and a short, balding bespectacled man, come over and escort me to the backroom
>sit in a small, square backroom for an hour grilled about why i want these particular books
>the short, bald, bespectacled one repeatedly interrupts me as i try to explain telling me it's highly problematic while the tall african just stands in the corner completely silent
>they take my name, phone number and address, tell me i'm not allowed the books and say the agency for tackling extremist thought will be in touch with me

[Anonymous No.9556305]

>>9556297
ebin

[Anonymous No.9556318]

>>9556297
kek

[Anonymous No.9556328]

>>9556297
Why do they even have the books then?

>>9556110
>at bookstore with my friend
>the girl walks past me when she sees my copy of paradise lost volume. 2
>goes directly to my friend for a lap dance
>she doesn't even charge him anything once she sees he's reading edgar allan poe

FUCK NEW YORK I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE

[Anonymous No.9556329]

>local bookstore started charging a virgin tax on every purchase

[Anonymous No.9556331]

>>9556154
BGE is goat philosophy, why would pleb detectors go off

[Anonymous No.9556337]

>>9556331
They must have known I never read the greeks.

[Anonymous No.9556354]

>>9556328
As a net. Gotta catch those naughty boys by the short hairs.

[Anonymous No.9556386]

>visiting your local bookstore
>Not just ordering used books online

[Anonymous No.9556392]

>>9556110
>When you finally befriend the Bookstore's Hound

[Anonymous No.9556395]

>>9556149
Tons of books aren't digitized you cuck

[Anonymous No.9556399]

>book eagle tore up my copy of 'gravity's rainbow' to make his nest

[Anonymous No.9556401]

>>9556337
They got me locked up for 4 days reading the greeks after I tried to get away with buying being and time
How am I supposed to be a pseud with these detectors?

[Anonymous No.9556427]

>go to bookstore
>need a key to access the manga section

[Anonymous No.9556440]

>>9556219
Just do it in the potted plants man

[Anonymous No.9556442]

>>9556208
>>9556219
>tfw my local bookstore has both
I even smoked weed with one of the owners and clerk

[Anonymous No.9556448]

>local bookstore hired a DFW double to pontificate to customers

[Anonymous No.9556456]

>>9556329
Gave me a good chuckle, I can imagine the outrage if that were true

[Anonymous No.9556467]

>try to buy the Odyssey
>detectors go off because I haven't learned ancient greek yet

[Anonymous No.9556475]

>>9556149
It's generally the other way around, bud. You don't need to take out your anger due to being poor on us. Some of us just genuinely do not want to stare at a small screen to read, you know.

[Anonymous No.9556481]

>>9556399
He knew that you weren't going to read it anyways. A victim-less crime, really.

[Anonymous No.9556482]

>go to bookstore
>kicked out for being a dumb American

[Anonymous No.9556488]

>>9556467
>two undercover Federal Pseud Inspectors come in and take you to a holding cell in the jungles of argentina
>they torture you until you admit that you haven't even read the Illiad yet.

[Anonymous No.9556490]

>>9556427
Where do you live, and why are weeaboo loving niggers a problem there?

[Anonymous No.9556493]

>buying Finnegans Wake
>seems to be a problem when the checkout girl scans it
>asks me to please accompany her to the backroom
>realize i have impressed her with Finny's and she's going to blow me
>before i know it two heavies are hooking me up to a polygraph test and make me admit I had no intention of reading the Wake
>tfw banned from the store now

[Anonymous No.9556497]

>local bookstore has a lie detector test where they ask every costumer if they really intend to read the book.

[Anonymous No.9556507]

>go to bookstore
>see sign that says, "NO PLEBS ALLOWED"
>walk right in
>get asked, "Didn't you see the sign, xir?"
>"Yes"
>"Well...?"
>tell them I can't read
>get handed a complimentary copy of Ulysses

[Anonymous No.9556520]

>Pick up The Art of the Deal
>Go to checkout
>Clerk is a girl with pink hair
>Don't have enough money to pay in cash, and forced to use my credit card

[Anonymous No.9556523]

>thought police took away my copy of the hunger games

[Anonymous No.9556527]

>talking a little out of my depth with some english grads at a party
>keep talking about Infinite Jest because I know it really well
>qt says her favorite author is virginia woolf
>I have never read virginia woolf
>tell her I love virginia woolf
>mfw she's an undercover pseudetective and it's a sting
>mfw somehow end up a registered sex offender

[Anonymous No.9556530]

>>9556427
Wait, really?

[Anonymous No.9556532]

>>9556507
Kek

[Anonymous No.9556537]

>go to book store
>ask attendant where I can find a copy of Finnegan's Wake
>she gets really mad at me for saying it with the apostrophe and has the bouncers escort me out of the shop

[Anonymous No.9556546]

this alternate universe is fun

[Anonymous No.9556549]

>forgot to recharge page-turning device again

[Anonymous No.9556552]

>>9556546
It's the universe where Hillary won

[Anonymous No.9556557]

>>9556549
>>forgot to recharge page-turning device again
how did you lose your hand anon?

[Anonymous No.9556562]

>>9556552
as opposed to where trump is trying to burn museums and libraries to the ground?

[Anonymous No.9556563]

>>9556552
Spooky

[Anonymous No.9556570]

>local book store harold bloom gives me a sour-faced snort every time I pick up a copy of Tolkien

[Anonymous No.9556573]

>tfw you pulled a Trap Book off of the shelf and it shut off the power except for a spotlight to show your taste to everyone

[Anonymous No.9556583]

>"hey anon what's like your favorite author"
>oh well it's meliville
>"really anon? in your diary you wrote: wallace is simply epic"
>"care to explain?"
>h-how did you get my diary desu?
>"chad'll do anything for a little dick"

[Anonymous No.9556587]

>Go to the movie rental
>Ask for the first Harry Potter
>The clerk goes on about some dullest franchises or something
>Tells me to go to a library
>Ask the librarian for the first Harry Potter
>She scoffs and tells me to rent the movie since I'm such a pleb

[Anonymous No.9556589]

>>9556149
>looking for an experience rather than the information contained within the books
It's the other way around you pathetic ledditor

[Anonymous No.9556593]

>>9556488
Oh god this is my secret shame
>be at book club
>some guy starts talking about the Iliad
>I quickly put on my cloak and stumble through the conversation
>accadently say Odysseus instead of Ulysses
>club presidents head shoots up out of the crowd as he scans the room
>"Oh god he heared me"
>he doesn't know who said it but he is moving around the groups
>I duck out the back and dodge him
>come bacK 15 min later when the heat died down

This is actualy a true story this dudes insane.

[Anonymous No.9556606]

>walk into bookstore
>need to get a copy of Phenomenology of the Spirit for my bookshelf (I have no intention of reading it)
>manage to get past the pseud detectors
>go directly to the book
>pseud-sniffing dog passes me by (I read a sparknotes on Kant)
>pick up the tome and go to the front desk
>qt3.14 checks me out, asks me the standard questions to make sure I have the appropriate knowledge to read this book
>pass it with flying colors
>walking out the door
>she calls me back over
>asks if I Started With The Greeks
>visibly sweating at this point
>I haven't even read the Odyssey
>she picks up on my discomfort and tackles me to the ground
I spent 4 weeks in pseud prison after that

[Anonymous No.9556612]

>>9556583
Having trouble following the plot here. The speaker convinced Chad to steal anon's diary, and in exchange the speaker gave Chad a dicking?

[Anonymous No.9556620]

>>9556606
>I spent 4 weeks in pseud prison
Should have been longer, honestly. I'm tired of all these pseuds getting by with light sentences for such grievous crimes.

[Anonymous No.9556621]

>>9556612
even chad knows that fucking qt boipucci isn't gay

[Anonymous No.9556626]

>>9556606
Are there actually people on /lit/ who HAVEN'T read the Odyssey/Iliad besides me?

[Anonymous No.9556634]

>>9556626
I've only read them in a prose translation

[Anonymous No.9556637]

>>9556626
I've seen the movie Troy and that simpsons episode parodying the odyssey.

[Anonymous No.9556641]

>>9556626
i've learned old greek to read an old greek hamliton translation

[Anonymous No.9556643]

>>9556626
I have seen it abridged so many times in media I don't see the point when I can just read something else.

[Anonymous No.9556646]

>>9556643
What's the best movie version so I don't have to read it? Same for the Iliad.

[Anonymous No.9556659]

>>9556497
do people really buy books, having no intention to read them?

[Anonymous No.9556660]

>tfw I'm reading the greeks so I don't get labeled as a pseud
you're all idiots

[Anonymous No.9556676]

>>9556660
Idiot, it's enough to have it in your home to duck like 99% of detectors, you don't have to actually READ it

[Anonymous No.9556677]

>>9556646
>>9556643
You both need to go back to /r/books. If you're unwilling to read two of the most influential books in human history then you really shouldn't be bothering with literature.

[Anonymous No.9556680]

>>9556660
Even then there's still the
>no gf tax
>stupid tax
>virginity tax
>frightens small children tax
>dandruff tax
>ugly tax
I can't even afford to start with the Greeks with all these extra charges ;-;

[Anonymous No.9556682]

>scoot over to the local six-square mile Bibliocomplex
>Swipe my BookAndGo™ pass to get through the turnstiles
>Metal keychain sets off the metal detector
>Have to go through special security lane
>Overweight officer pats me down
>Tip him 20%
>Get on the purveyorconveyor™
>Have to strap in, can't move my arms
>We speed off at 1.5 mph
>After six hours of journeying through the young adult and Stephen King sections, we finally reach the 'old dead white men' section
>Get off and go look for a copy of kafka's 'the castle'
>Book droid tells me it's at the end of the book labyrinth
>Thank him and tip him 15%
>'ERROR: tip is insufficient'
>He uses my butthole as a power outlet as punishment, electrocuting me
>Continue on through the labyrinth
>It's cold and dark, journey multiple stories down
>Have to fight the literataur Minotaur
>Bash his skull in with a copy of 'Anna Karenina'
>Turns out he was just a genetically modified Eurasian man
>Have to run from a pack of book hounds
>Hide in the 'books written by Harold Bloom' section, no one ever goes here
>Continue on through the labyrinth
>Finally find what I was looking for
>All the pages have been used as toilet paper by a homeless man who sleeps on top of the shelf
>Tip him 25% and exit the labyrinth
>Book cartel kidnaps me
>They take my kidney and replace it with a copy of 'infinite jest' to smuggle out of the complex
>Tip them 40%
>Get back on the purveyorconveyor, it takes me to the 'checkout palace'
>Don't have enough money for the non-humiliation lane
>Qt cashiers strip me and laugh at my penis
>Tip them 80%
>Before I can leave, autistic man shoots up the store
>96 casualties
>Tip him 200% and get on my way
>Finally reach sunlight
>Government dipshit detector drone performs a full body scan
>Sees the copy of infinite jest in my body cavity
>Airstrikes me from 6 miles away
>Mfw

[Anonymous No.9556690]

>>9556677
Not him, but I'm reading the Iliad and I don't see anything special about it as a contemporary work. There's no grand questions being raised or answered, just a lot of fucking killing, and petty ass hurt gods.

[Anonymous No.9556693]

>>9556677
>reading the Odyssey and the Illiad
>not flying to Greece and paying an old man to recite them to you from memory as Homer would have wanted

WEEWOO WEEWOO PLEB ALERT

[Anonymous No.9556705]

>>9556660
>not reading the cave dwellers

Forever a pleb.

[Anonymous No.9556728]

>local plebstore called
>they ran out of you

[Anonymous No.9556738]

>>9556728
damn.. brevity is soul of wit

[Anonymous No.9556742]

>>9556659
Many a book are unfortunately doomed to The Pile

[Anonymous No.9556750]

>>9556690
Why read Hesiod when most of it is just genealogy of the Gods? Why read Sophocles and Euripides when their? Plays are just a bunch of dudes angering the gods. You may as well just not read any classic at all with that attitude. The point is to become intimately familiar with the stories. The Illiad and Odyssey are referenced in a large portion of classic lit and a lot of the time its something very subtle that you won't pick up on unless you're very familiar.

[Anonymous No.9556767]

>>9556750
But how does referencing a shallow story add depth?

[Anonymous No.9556769]

>>9556750
>You need to be deeply familiar with stupid stories because other stupid stories reference them

[Anonymous No.9556773]

>>9556682
underrated

[Anonymous No.9556786]

>>9556562
nigga what universe you talking about?

[Anonymous No.9556791]

>>9556786
The one where Ted Cruz won.

[Anonymous No.9556803]

>>9556677
>actually, if you want to bake an apple from scratch you have to recreate the universe

Fuck off dude I already know what happened from my anchent civ classes I don't need to read about how exactly Ajax sworded some other dude.

[Anonymous No.9556808]

>>9556527
audible kek

[Anonymous No.9556809]

>>9556791
Tell me about the one where Jeb! won

[Anonymous No.9556816]

>>9556750
fairly put, but I thought the point of reading them was to be just familiar with the Greeks, and to understand the thought process behind why they left the mythology behind, not to become intimately familiar with their stories(although I do like some of them).

[Anonymous No.9556819]

>>9556809
Endless Guac, but no discernible applause. .

[Anonymous No.9556821]

>>9556626
[/spoiler]no[/spoiler]

[Anonymous No.9556825]

>return book to library
>forgot to rewind
their problem

[Anonymous No.9556836]

>>9556819
Sounds like paradise desu

[Anonymous No.9556837]

>>9556825
>return book to bookstore
>forgot to read it
their loss

[Anonymous No.9556841]

>>9556750
>watching a play at my local theater
>Protagonist walk by some screech doomsayer
>"oy Ulysses, hand me the bees wax!"
>everyone in attendance has a light chuckle
>everyone but me
>I never read the odyssey, I'll never under stand this reference and enjoy a light laugh
>go home after play
>sit in the dark for several hours
>wonder if people will enjoy the nuonces of my suicide note before blowing my brains out

[Anonymous No.9556851]

>>9556825
>return book to library
>secretly recorded porn over it

[Anonymous No.9556865]

>>9556786
http://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/economy-budget/331362-trump-drops-the-mother-of-all-bombs-on-libraries

[Anonymous No.9556869]

>>9556851
>read old ass book frim the library one even touched for 20 years
>leave a little note about my life, hopes, dreams for next guy to find 30 years from now when some one actually reads it again if ever

[Anonymous No.9556880]

>>9556865
>the shill.com

[Anonymous No.9556886]

>>9556851
>rent obscure movie from Blockbuster
>record over it with porn
>tell my friend to check it out next so they don't think it was me
>"But then they'll blame it on me"
>"No it'll work since you didn't actually do it"
>He gets blamed for it
>Still have my Blockbuster membership

[Anonymous No.9556890]

>getting a new audio book. looks like a fun one.
>alarm goes off at checkout
>qt sales clerk: "don't worry, sir, it's just a random inspection. it will be over real quick"
>they take me to the back and start asking me to read the first couple of pages
>oh god, i'm not even close to the bare minimum 600 words per minute
>test applicator is looking increasingly grim. qt is starting quietly laugh at me
>"i'm sorry, sir, but our store has a strict policy of only selling audio books to true readers that need them in between driving and workout sessions, not as as substitute"
>banned from bookstore for 6 months until I can take the test again and get sponsorship from a local bibliophile or repute
>my audible account has been revoked

[Anonymous No.9556916]

>Bookstore pope declared holy war against the Barnes and Noble across the street
>Holy father (blessed be his name) has promised a free copy of Ulysses to all loyal subjects that partake in the bloodshed

Wish me luck, brethren

[Anonymous No.9556919]

>want to buy a copy of Finnegans Wake
>shop on amazon to avoid all the methods of offline pseud detecting
>add a copy of From Riverrun to Livvy to my cart to throw off the virtual pseud police
>try to checkout and I get an error message telling me to wait a few moments and try again
>visible sweating.jpg
>see a black van park outside of my house
>jump out of my chair and trip over unread copies of Portrait and Ulysses
>take out my hard drive and erase the contents with a magnet
>two pseud detectives burst in and dragged me away despite my protests
>wonder how they found me out
>I forgot to crack the spines of Ulysses and Portrait

[Anonymous No.9556932]

>>9556297
>Thinks Thus Spoke Zarathustra is anti-Semitic

Pleb confirmed

[Anonymous No.9556936]

>buying The Picture of Dorian Gray at bookstore
>qt at the register notices the book and gives me a little smile
>she wants my penis
>get home and realize the book is about a gay man
>tfw qt at the register thought I'm gay and that's why she smiled

[Anonymous No.9556963]

>>9556936
Shit that never happened.
At least make your greentext believable.

[Anonymous No.9556972]

>>9556936
>not knowing oscar wilde was super gay
jesus, i'm sure that's breaking some clause of your nda, because now everyone knows about the experiments, you lunatic

[Anonymous No.9557015]

>>9556297
That's why Amazon is kicking all the bookstores' rears.

[Anonymous No.9557021]

>>9556573
the best one
>>9556593
wtf

[Anonymous No.9557033]

>>9556659
Yes; they buy books as gifts for friends.
>yfw no friends to buy gifts for

[Anonymous No.9557056]

>bookstore offers 25% discount if you can recite a classic poem in it's entirety
>only poem I know by heart is prufrock
>think that maybe it's a bit long but what the heck
>while reciting the qt transaction performer smiles politely
>"that's nice but we meant 'classic' as in a work from antiquity, not the broader sense of the word"
>everyone in the store laughs at me
>get banned from all bookstores and vaginas

[Anonymous No.9557058]

>>9556963
b-but this really happened to me.

[Anonymous No.9557110]

>>9556869
actually not a bad idea tbqph

[Anonymous No.9557215]

>>9556659
Look up book by the foot

[Anonymous No.9557229]

>go to book store
>pick a copy of Goethe's faust
>go to checkout
>the cashier is a very cute girl with green hair
>"Have you read Marlowe's Faust?" She asks
>"of course" I respond
>"Perfect: it will be 17.50$, and contratulation for your excellent taste"
>I giggle
>"did you know that Goethe thought that the Divine Commedy was overrated..."
>she starts sweating
>"... Do you agree with him?"
>she's clearly in a state of deep confusion
>a security guard nearby notices her cluessness
>tfw he tackles me and then proceed to give me 20$ for the service

You can't escape the Pleb Hunter.

[Anonymous No.9557432]

>>9557229
Good pasta until you fucked up at the end

[Anonymous No.9557456]

>>9557215
holy fuck, this level of pseud is among us? I think I'm gonna apply to become an official undercover pseud detective.

[Anonymous No.9557466]

>>9557456
The only way to become a pseud detective is to be able to recite Phenomenology of Spirit backwards, in Swahili.

[Anonymous No.9557512]

>>9556626
I've read The Odyssey three times, I skim read The Iliad once because it was boring.

[Anonymous No.9557587]

>>9556589
Obviously one should experience the looking rather than the books contained within sensory information

[Anonymous No.9558985]

Saving this thread from page 10, no survivors

[Anonymous No.9559087]

>>9556392
there was a really friendly golden retriever waiting around outside my local bookstore's sauna. it disappeared one day.

[Anonymous No.9559097]

>walk into bibliotheque
>one metre of books please in as few volumes as possible
>qt reaches under desk
>shoots me in the head
>as im dying i ask for some john greene
>clerk starts to cry
>manager runs in
>sir i am so sorry
>fire the sales assistant
>im still dead

[Anonymous No.9559109]

>>9556593
Are you retarded? Ulysses is the Latin version of Odysseus' name.

[Anonymous No.9559124]

>>9556297
overrated post

[Anonymous No.9559129]

>year 2951

>buy a very specific book about Holocaust
>go to checkout
>the clerk looks at me suspiciously
>she asks me" are you comfortable with the historical context that lays behind the facts that are treated in this book?"
>"well, I have studied WWII in high scho-"
>as I'm saying the word school, I faint
>as I fall unconscious, I see a dark that is piercing my shoulder

>wake up
>what the fuck
>I'm in a different body, in a room I've never seen
>look at myself in a mirror
>I'm a fairly tall, blonde muscular guy
>leave the room
>another guy tells me something in German, and calls me Fritz
>I can't understand him
>leave the building
>realize what happened
>"fuck, it happened again"

>tfw the pleb police sedated me, morphed my body and through time travel they planted me in the Nazi machine war, just to give me a lesson

Things were different under Global Tyrant Xerikus.

[Anonymous No.9559132]

>go to bookstore
>dont want to discuss my purchases with the qt clerk for fear of revealing my power level
>pretend to know nothing about the books im buying
>look like a big retard
>afraid to go back
>its been a year and a half

[Anonymous No.9559153]

>school library hired pleb death squad

[Anonymous No.9559174]

>>9557512
I don't understand why everyone hates the Iliad so much. The only really boring part is the description of force of each contingent at the end of book 2.

[Anonymous No.9559177]

>>9559153
Kek

[Anonymous No.9559190]

>>9559174
Thank you. I'm currently at book 3 and thought I was retarded for not understanding what was going on and from where he was pulling the endless supply of characters.

[Anonymous No.9559198]

>>9559174
i honestly thought the iliad was much more interesting than the odyssey. Aeneid was okay, but Iliad was my favorite by far

>at bookstore
>buy Lolita and Pale Fire
>qt clerk smiles at me and says "this one is my favorite"
>tells me i have good taste
>no one has ever told me this before
>i see through her trap
>feel i have to explain my purchase
>begin educating her on the difference between pedophilia and ephebophilia
>woman behind me tells me this is not an appropriate conversation for her son to hear

>mfw i realize now she was talking about pale fire

[Anonymous No.9559199]

>>9559190
>and from where
Are you just fucking retarded?

[Anonymous No.9559202]

>>9559153
What is this from?

[Anonymous No.9559207]

>>9559198
Not that anon, but I'm doing my first read of the Iliad having already read the Odyssey in junior high, and I agree its vastly more interesting to see the ethical and cultural conflicts of the Akhaians and Trojans than it is to listen to Homer jack off one man for ten straight years while he does everything fucking wrong. Which I suppose just speaks to the deep divergence in our conception of personal morals and ethics from the Greek thoughts of the same.

[Anonymous No.9559211]

>>9556297
>short, balding bespectacled man,
Subtel, I like it
But thus spoke zarathusa isn't right wing at all

[Anonymous No.9559221]

>>9559207
yeah I agree for much the same reason. I found the Iliad much more inspiring in the emotional sense. I genuinely think I grew as a person fromAchilles's struggle (though, of course, as everyone else has said, it's something you're familiar with just because of Western culture, but the way it was presented in the book is very different from the way it is presented in popular culture I think)

[Anonymous No.9559224]

>>9559202
some sci-fi show that aired recently, i think
dont know the name though anon, sorry

[Anonymous No.9559235]

>>9556626
I've read the kidifed version when I was around ten. Does that count? Then again, I'm not a /lit/ reugualr

[Anonymous No.9559401]

>>9556110
>Bookstore showers aren't working

[Anonymous No.9559560]

>>9559129
>not downloading LUDO onto your subdermal to get around the timelock.
what are you, a fucking cuck?

[Anonymous No.9559577]

>>9556337
YOU HAVE TO START WITH THE GR33K5

[Anonymous No.9559992]

>>9559198
>mfw i realize now she was talking about pale fire
FUCK MAN

[Anonymous No.9559997]

hey guys I'm a manager at barnes and noble and corporate is making us put a no singles policy up, just wanted to let you guys know

[Anonymous No.9560216]

>>9559109
I know that yeah

[Anonymous No.9560261]

>>9559997
>have to take my grandma
>the bouncer doesn't believe we are a couple
>he wants proof
>I REALLY wanted to pick up a new book today

[Anonymous No.9560381]

>>9556297
mind if I post this to my other favorite website, reddit.com?

[Anonymous No.9560382]

>>9556676
>implying that the books themselves don't activate the secret pseud alarm when not read in their entirety in 2-3 days
a friend of mine got caught that way
damn feds sent him to guantanamo back in 05
last I heard of him, he had been setup in a terrorist attack in Kabul

[Anonymous No.9560624]

>bookstore pool doesn't work

[Anonymous No.9560643]

>>9559997
Singles as in >tfw no qt gf or check em?

[Anonymous No.9560650]

>>9556110
>got kicked out of the bookstore for spilling crab juice on a copy of Moby-Dick

[Anonymous No.9560663]

>>9556427
BECAUSE SOME OF THEM HAVE UNCENSORED TIDDIES

[Anonymous No.9560855]

>>9556149
My reading comprehension goes down significantly when I'm reading shit on a screen. Too easy to get distracted

[Anonymous No.9560910]

>>9559997
But how will I tip the strippers?

[Anonymous No.9560915]

>>9556149
Reading is an experience, and part of that experience is being able to have a physical book in your hands.

[Anonymous No.9561021]

>go to library
>check out book
>find out it's 80+ years old and has never been checked out before

it made me a bit sad tbqh

[Anonymous No.9561031]

>>9561021
I wonder if books worry about being checkoutless bookmarkless virgins

[Anonymous No.9561052]

>>9561031
>Eat Pray Love is taking a pink highlighter to Chapter Two RIGHT NOW

[Anonymous No.9561056]

>>9561031
i need to go back to the library and check out the potboilers from the 20s so they can remember the touch of a reader
tempted to leave notes like the anon earlier

[Anonymous No.9561081]

>>9556395
But the are, google books has digitized more books than you can imagine. The problem is book publishers have prevented google from making them available while doing nothing themselves.

[Anonymous No.9561114]

>>9556932
>>9559211
>implying that wasn't the point

[Anonymous No.9561262]

>>9557215
>book by the foot
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Anonymous No.9561505]

>>9560650
at least it wasn't mountain dew

[Anonymous No.9561571]

>>9561052
top kek

[Anonymous No.9561609]

>>9556682
This was very creative

[Anonymous No.9561660]

>>9557215
>An entire business based on selling piles of random books for people to fill their shelves with and never read
I don't know whether to be impressed or sickened

[Anonymous No.9561698]

>>9556659
Yes, they make excellent decorations and pussy magnets. Many people have commented on my copy of Zarathustra but I've never read a letter of it and just bullshit my way through conversations using second hand knowledge

[Anonymous No.9561725]

>>9561698
>tell everyone I read Infinite Jest
>rely on /lit/ memes to discuss it with them
>have to secretly read it behind my significant other's back so they never find out
>tell everyone I'm reading Ulysses instead
>rely on /lit/ memes to discuss it with them
>repeat forever

[Anonymous No.9562118]

>>9561031
Pixar should make a movie about anthropomorphic books.

[Anonymous No.9562147]

>>9562118
Kids wouldn't even know what those are anymore, lol!

[Anonymous No.9562152]

>>9556154
She is how i know im fucked in the head

Its something about deviant psychotic white skinned skinny girls with messy black hair that just says fuck me and call me mommy to me every time

I know i will hate her for it and blame her but really its my fault for letting these creatures take a hold of me, the witches of my world, lost souls who i never want to save and who i just want to corrupt even further, because i know they like pain just as much as i do

[Anonymous No.9562222]

>>9561052
kek

[Anonymous No.9562860]

>>9562152
Nah, you aren't fucked in the head; it's a common fetish.

[Anonymous No.9562867]

>>9556328
>Why do they even have the books then?
Honeypots are a method of monitoring extremist groups