/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.947869]

Let's address the one thought on your mind as you stand ponderously in the bookstore: how will walking around with this shit make me look to the ladies?
It's summer, and heatwave or not it's time you faggots got some sunshine and met a real life girl. Forget the cologne -- that Cosmo you pretended not to be flicking through suggested that girls should look for men decked out with some fly literature. Easy enough, right?
The knee-jerk reaction, standing there in the Borders, is to try for some Flaubert or Lady Chatterley. You remember halfheartedly touching yourself while getting through some of the more bearable passages, so it'll show off your passionate, sensual side -- right?
Not to ruin those dreams of swooning some babes with an Intro to Lit reading list, but, really man, bitches don't know who D. H. Lawrence is. You're like one of those idiots who think you can give them Norwegian Wood and wait for them to come, running and naked, into your oh-so romantic arms.
On the bus or waiting in line for your coffee, you'll need an arsenal of cool new books -- preferably ones so acclaimed they have their own Twitter page -- to get the ball rolling. Here's five, all guaranteed to get you orally engaging with that cute hipster chick... and I don't mean discourse, son.

[Anonymous No.947876]

This overrated pile is about an aging, music-loving director who finds himself in a tangled romance with an up-and-coming singer. It's loaded with Ipods, heavy sexual tension, obscure references to even more obscure music, and a doomed pseudo-affair -- if it sounds like a hipster's wet dream, that's because it is. Arthur Phillips can certainly turn a mean phrase, and with his last forty pages he puts in a valiant effort to make the book something more than cheap entertainment. I'm giving it two years before Hollywood swirls its sticky little fingers all in it.
Anyway, when the girl sitting next to you on the subway mentions how much she loved it, you'll only have to grimace a little when you agree. Not as potent a weapon as some of the others on this list, but it'll put a foot in the door -- these two hundred and fifty pages can get twentysomethings in Brooklyn even more moist than a twelve-year-old reading Twilight. Don't forget it, champ.

[Anonymous No.947880]

Alright, you know that kinda creepy, but mostly gorgeous little dumpling you awkwardly approached in Central because your brother said you could find a hooker there? Well, Murakami's latest work is the perfect way to smooth over that first little stumble with Keely or Janelle or Julian or whatever her too-cool name was.
She's a weirdo and an insomniac, so she'll be very familiar with Haruki -- at least one douche will have already pulled the Norwegian Wood trick with her. His work is murky, charged with a full-bodied humanity, dripping with hints of sexuality. After Dark alternates with ease between disarming and intimate, achieving things in fantasy (or, depending on how you read, the potential of fantasy) that only masters like Bradbury or Gaiman can.
Speaking of Gaiman, why aren't we using The Graveyard Book as our pickup tool? You're practically convinced Willow there collects Sandman figurines. Answer: With Gaiman you can't look into her eyes and say, "His style is amazing, but it's unbelievable how well he understands the energies and possibilities that come with chance human encounters..."
Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Puppy eyes. Make sure to bring a tube of KY and some band-aids, it's gonna be a ruckus.

[Anonymous No.947888]

So what if it's flamboyant, preachy, and riding on Upton Sinclair's coattails? It'll learn you a thing or two, and just imagine the conversation:
"Ohmigod, are you reading Eating Animals? It's so moving. Don't you just LOVE Jonathan? I heard it turned Natalie Portman vegan!!! Oh, and Elijah was so hot in Everything is Illuminated. That's SUCH a nice scarf you're wearing!"
Just suck it up, champ, it'll work. Invite her to get a shitty sandwich at Cosi once the chatter about the book dies down. Better yet, be eating a shitty sandwich at Cosi when you meet this very, very special lady.

[Anonymous No.947892]

Junot Diaz came out with Drown in 1996, and everybody rightfully knew that his first novel was going to be a Big Deal. Similarly, Wells Tower just gave us his debut collection, and the literary world is wetting itself to see what he does next. Now perk the fuck up and listen, kid, because I'm about to make an investment in your sexual future that is guaranteed to get debaucherous returns:
You need to be that guy, two summers from now, in the bookstore when a patootie is grabbing for a copy of The Brief and Extremely Loud Life of Wonder Boys (or whatever his ultra-hip and outrageously successful first novel is titled). Walk right up to her and act all "Ah, the novel just isn't as good as his stories, you should really check those out."
Well look at you, you informed and well-read sonofabitch! Yes, yes, I will happily give you my number.
No, really, if you read one thing this summer, it should be this. Tower is uncommonly bold, leaving the reader shocked and occasionally frustrated -- "You're just NOT ALLOWED to end stories like that!" The flagship final piece, however, pulls the collection together in an absolutely stunning display of talent that readers don't often find nowadays. Even though this work won't be a proper wingman until he produces his first novel, it's well worth picking up.

[Anonymous No.947905]

Make up, right now, three stereotypes about girls who regularly read Palahniuk.
You're a goddamned genius -- everything you just came up with is true.
While some of his books are worthless (Haunted, Invisible Monsters) and others come close to the joy of cult classic Fight Club (Choke, Lullaby), his latest, Pygmy, is an anomaly in that it falls, chapter-by-chapter, somewhere in between the two. One page will make you want to put it down, one page more will get you darkly chuckling. The Model U.N. scene put me in stitches, as did every other bit of dialogue from an American character. Although, note, you probably won't get through all of it -- both in concept and practice it stumbles violently -- it's not a wasted hour or two of your life.
The girl who spots you reading Chuck and strikes up a dialogue will -- I promise -- more than make up for any of his literary missteps. She'll be crazy, in all the best ways. Just make sure you can pronounce his name -- she'll see right through you otherwise.

[Kimmo Alm !!TAPh5M5QXV0 No.947913]

>my face when this thread

[Anonymous No.947998]

Wait are you are a girl that read chuckie palahniuck?

[Anonymous No.948023]

Just want to point out for reference that this thread works because these are actually decent thoughtful reviews

[Anonymous No.948128]

Dear OP, get a freelance job doing this sort of thing. Craigslist likely has relevant listings.

[Anonymous No.948287]

>>948128

Why thank you.
Waiting for a response about it from Nerve.com

[Anonymous No.948300]

>>948287
Try cracked.com

[Anonymous No.948305]

He sat on a wooden bench under the yellow leaves in the deserted park, contemplating the dusty swans with both his hands resting on the silver handle of his cane, and thinking about death. On his first visit to Geneva the lake had been calm and clear, and there were tame gulls that would eat out of one's hand, and women for hire who seemed like six-in-the-afternoon phantoms with organdy ruffles and pink parasols. Now the only possible woman he could see was a flower vendor on the deserted pier. It was difficult for him to believe that time could cause so much ruin not only in his life but in the world.

[Anonymous No.948377]

>>948300
This
I could definitely see this on cracked.com

[Anonymous No.948558]

>>947905
>>948377
or thesmokingjacket.com

its playboys new safe for work, nonnude, blog type website with crazy articles and links to viral content.

[Anonymous No.948640]

>>948558
Their submission policy is, at best, dubious.

[Anonymous No.948849]

>>948640
i know nothing about it. i got a subscription to the actual magazine for a year for a birthday present once, and i actually read the articles, and what op wrote sounds exactly like the type of thing they have in their magazine all the time.

[Anonymous No.948893]

I read alone in my room.

If I do read in a public place, I don't think anyone would even bother to check the title.

Seriously, what the fuck?

[Anonymous No.950138]

>>948893

People are always checking what you read

[Anonymous No.950225]

>>950138
2nd'ed.

I quietly judge somebody every time I see them read something. And if appropriate, I strike up conversations if I think the person will be interesting to talk to about said book.

[Anonymous No.950534]

>>950225

What's more important, the book or the ass?
I resisted saying 'book or the booty'

[Anonymous No.950764]

I've work at a hotel for four years, and I always have a book with me at the front desk. I have, in that time, been asked about what I was reading only four or five times. One of those occasions was a cute girl who noticed I was reading Flaubert, so that's an odd connection to this post; but regardless, my point is, people don't care nearly as much about what you're reading as you do.