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/lit/ - Literature

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930146 No.930146 [Reply] [Original]

Evening gentlemen,
I have just finished a quick narrative, I had fun and I just need some helpful advice on how to improve!
I'm not an articulate person, I just wanted to give writing a go,
let me know your thoughts,
pic related, my story

>> No.930152

now that you've given writing a go, you can give it up

>> No.930153

Instant access to an internet thesaurus can be a dangerous thing.

>> No.930167

Every single one of your analogies is like a plane crash.

>> No.930172

>>930152
>>930153
>>930167

Gee guys thanks for the positive feedback haha

>> No.930173

yeah OK snarky hateful bitch remarks over with

now let's get into some real constructive criticism from people who know what they are talking about. thanks.

>> No.930176

yeh... not that great.

>> No.930181

>>930173
What they're trying to say is that all of the words you so carefully picked out are getting in the way and breaking up the flow of your narrative.

>> No.930185

>>930181
Thank you, kind sir.

>> No.930187

not every noun needs an adjective or six, bro.

>> No.930188

>>930185
Yeah, you don't have to force yourself to sound prosey otherwise it shows. It helps to "be you". Be your own writer instead of trying to emulate something you aren't or cannot be.

Good luck.

>> No.930189

>>930187
>>930188
Thank you, gentlemen

>> No.930233

To many adjectives

>> No.930336

Started counting how many sentances start with "The" .. gave up after I ran out of fingers in the first few paragraphs.

>> No.930340

I can tell that you were really trying to re-create the image you had. However, that can be done without so many descriptions.

>> No.930361

Stopped after the first two sentences of unreadable tripe.

Protip: too many adjectives is a bad thing, you come off as pretentious and floofy