Critque my shitty poetry.

[Anonymous No.919934]

Hey /lit/,
I know you'll hate me for this, but if you could give me pointers on this rough draft of a poem it would be much appreciated.
Thank you.

Confined
Locked away,
Broken down into bits and pieces.
All of them looking for a rest.
Looking for the rest of the locks,
To open these boxed emotions.
That someone had packed up.
I don’t try too hard,
To break them loose,
I just act like I want to,
While regretting all my actions,
And hating what I can’t do.
Sick of all the blood,
That kept pounding on my ear drums,
So I ripped away my heart,
And squeezed it into a bottle.
Lost it in the sea,
I hope no one finds it,
I don’t wish those mixed messages on anybody.
But now my thoughts are stagnate,
Running out of emotions to fuel the combustion,
Keeping pace with me running out blame.
And when these fingers start pointing,
Everything starts to feel the same.
Same shades of gray,
Colors and keys,
All locked away.
Nothing new to take in,
Never anything new to dish out.
Might as well close my mouth,
Most people just take the words out it anyway,
Playing the words to different tunes.
Just another thing to hate,
Just something to pack away.
Just another fucking thing that makes me want to put a bullet in my brain.
Wouldn’t matter much,
I never spoke my mind.
Just found the path of least resistance.
Trying to make it through life until I can lay down,
Close my eyes, throw the thoughts away now.
Just to stop the feeling of no hope.
I would kill myself a thousand times,
Just to stop from waking up.
So I’ll put away all I have,
‘til enough is enough.

[Anonymous No.919937]

It's never;

Feeling fine.
Grateful for all I have.
The Internet is fucking amazing.
etc...

[Anonymous No.919943]

>>919937
Hahaha, only douchebags write happy poetry.
Incidentally only douchebags write depressed poetry, but we're too caught up in our self pity to care.

[Anonymous No.919947]

Fuckin' aye.
Now I look like a crazy person as well as an idiot.

[Kaiyzner !!nPMrkUDNAGs No.919964]

I liked it, good job. The one part that throws me off a bit is the fact that you use so many commas and periods, but that's just me.

[Anonymous No.919970]

>>919934

[Anonymous No.919972]

It's alright for some I, I, I, poetry. Try to expand your view and show it in your writing, that's all I have to say. As far as serious critique, break it up a little and don't be so monotonous with the punctuation, the line breaks, and the phrasing.