/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.9151186]

> 3rd year undergrad of uni
> still friendless so make an effort the start of this semester to get involved with some clubs
> Go to Book club meeting, involves a bookshop crawl where we visit local shops
> Psych myself up before I go, literally stay in the bathroom for an hour splashing water in my face and telling myself you have to be brave and be amongst people
> I get there and I'm silent, I'm alone and awkward
> Fuck, it's happened again
> Chinese girl comes up to know more about me, seems genuinely interested
> I fuck it up by mishearing her 4 times and mumbling a response
> shit shit, I've fucked it again
> She gives me "that look" and slinks away embarrassed by me
> Have to tough this out, stay with the group
> Another guy, comes up and makes conversation
> Goes a little better discuss Hunter S. Thompson a bit but says I look very unapproachable and scowling before he made the effort
>I assure him that's just my resting face and I'm sorry if he got that impression
> Try to change my expression the rest of the time by holding up my eyebrows and appearing more open

Have I ruined my chances /lit/? I feel like an ass involving myself with this, I just want a couple friends.

[Anonymous No.9151250]

who the hell wants friends? are you gay or something?

[Anonymous No.9151253]

>>9151186
Nigga stop scowling

[Anonymous No.9151255]

>>9151250
Life is much more bearable with friends

[Anonymous No.9151260]

>>9151186
Dude, just relax. Just walk up to a group and introduce yourself, then ask what they're talking about. If it's something you know - bingo - you're in. If it isn't - ask questions. Just realize everyone there wants the same things as you; they want friends who like what they like.

Maybe you should take a job in door to door sales for a summer. It sucks hard, but you get really good at striking up conversations with strangers and making them feel comfortable quickly.

[Anonymous No.9151265]

>>9151260
OP is most likely autistic, he can't help it.

[Anonymous No.9151268]

Go to the next meeting. The guy seems nice and there's probably other people there that wanted to get to know you but were unsure if you were friendly. Showing up again proves that you are.

[Anonymous No.9151274]

dude you have to confident in your autism like wittgenstein
ask the oriental girl if she would like to come to your house to hang out
when she gets there take her to your parent's back yard into the empty shed with two wooden stools in each corner and a bible on each stool
tell her that she will be spending the weekend reading with you
lock her in
feed her raw potatoes
if she talks or gives you any shit, box her ears or give her a good blow with a shovel

[Anonymous No.9151291]

>>9151186

You tried Anon, good job.

[Anonymous No.9151352]

>>9151186
>Psych myself up before I go, literally stay in the bathroom for an hour splashing water in my face and telling myself you have to be brave and be amongst people

I bet somewhere underneath all of this is idea that "everyone else is well adjusted/good at socializing/totally comfortable with themselves, I'm the only insecure one afraid of being alone"

False idea dude. I was in the ski/snowboard club at my school, half the club was a preexisting clique of friends, the other half was just other scared kids looking for a group to fit-in to. They'd light up like a christmas tree if you would just go and talk to them at a group social event if they were alone for more than a couple minutes. Most young people are like this at least to some extent. A lot of socializing at gatherings at parties where people don't know each other boils down to "Am I OK? You're OK. Are we OK?"

Also you probably have a lot of this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_egocentrism

where you think other people are always scrutinizing you, judging you, feeling contempt for you, smelling out your weirdness - the truth is you aren't important to people who don't know you and they don't give a fuck about you one way or the other until you give them a reason to. Which tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy - if all you're thinking about is how awkward you feel, then that's the vibe you're gonna put out.

But think about anxious cogitation in process/content terms. The *content* of your anxieties says "I'm this I'm that I'm so awkward and this will go badly blah blah blah" - but the main reason you end up being so awkward is because this nervous tension is consuming all of your energies and attention - the process. Ignore the content, find ways to interdict the process.

also this guy is right
>>9151268
if people can suss out that your intentions are harmless, that your social gears are just rusty - they'll probably accept you. this is a university book club not a movie star's entourage

[Anonymous No.9151377]

>>9151274
How do I convince her to get in the shed?

[Anonymous No.9151381]

>thinking university is anything but pseudo-intellectual alcoholic daycare gay commie wank

[Anonymous No.9151397]

Just be yourself :)

No, that was a joke. Just sperg about common interests and keep going. The fact that the guy told you that you seemed unapproachable is the proof that you actually aren't and he noticed just by talking to you once. Try approaching Chinese girl next time and just tell her the truth, that you were nervous because socializing is hard at first.

>>9151381
Now that you got some attention you can go away to other threads, this one is actually not about (You).

[Anonymous No.9151410]

>>9151397
>he fell for the university meme
name one thing (ONE) you learn in uni that you can't learn on the web

[Anonymous No.9151419]

>>9151377
A trail of rice

[Anonymous No.9151421]

>>9151410
that just because you can learns things from the web it doesn't mean that you will

[Anonymous No.9151437]

>>9151410
If you want most professional or intellectual jobs, you need a degree as evidence.

[Anonymous No.9151446]

>>9151419

[Anonymous No.9151453]

>>9151419

[Anonymous No.9151459]

>>9151437
Yeah the university will never hire you for that prestigious position as a professor if you don't become an indentured servant first

[Anonymous No.9151467]

>>9151186
Too autistic to leave the house

[Anonymous No.9151473]

>>9151186
When I was a friendless 3rd year undergrad I tried something similar but with the History Club (we didn't have a Book Club). People seemed friendly but nobody approached me or anything (nor did I approach them) and they were generally more interested in trivia-type factoids whereas I was looking for more general humanities discussion so I stopped going after a few weeks. I eventually found a social circle not among my classmates but among local self-destructives who drank to excess and did various other drugs. Couple of them ended up ODing. So I did a bunch of stupid things with them for a while, was fun in the moment but looking back I could have been doing much more fulfilling activities.

Anyway I have a lot of regrets about my college experience, such as not trying to find or start a club more suited to my interests, not cultivating better relationships with the professors I respected, not approaching any of the cute bookish girls in my classes, all that. So I guess I would say, keep trying to find your kin, do the things I didn't do, and limit your psychoactive substance intake. I don't know if it will work for you, but it will probably be better than my path.

[Anonymous No.9151477]

>>9151473
WHAT THE FUCK
LITERALLY ME

[Anonymous No.9151479]

>>9151265
Am doctor, confirmed diagnosis.

[Anonymous No.9151487]

Pay attention to your posture and facial expression.

And how about trying approaching other people? Don't just passively wait for someone to come to you, buddy.

[Anonymous No.9151522]

>>9151260
>Telling someone with social anxiety to 'dude just relax lmao'

[Anonymous No.9151536]

>>9151274
>if she talks or gives you any shit, box her ears

fucking kek

[Anonymous No.9151548]

>>9151410
how to interact with people without coming off like a 13 year old

[Anonymous No.9151558]

>>9151459
become indentured servant for a few years that actually isn't a big deal unless you get a degree in gender studies vs. much better chance at getting much better jobs. Sounds like a fair trade to me

[Anonymous No.9151563]

>>9151186
Go again next time. Approach the people who approached you.

[Anonymous No.9151570]

Same position, OP although I'm good friends with my housemates and past housemates. Apart from them I don't know anyone in my University.

The problem is my course is only like 3-6 hours per week max. I had a few regular people I'd chat to in lectures. I'd also get along with some people I did group projects with but there was never enough time to cement a relationship. I don't know how other people did it. Truth is I've seen a lot of other people with no friends on my course.

I went to a Marxist society once but they were really humourless got into petty fights. I didn't go back.

The truth is that University is not what it used to be. Neither in terms of sociability or education. Most of my professors are middle-class Oxbridge grads who seem to do the bare minimum to keep a class going. They're usually far too preoccupied with writing their latest book to do anything more than rehash the same lesson plan that has been used in the module for the past 8 years.

You're given very little in terms of direction here. I feel completely let down by an institution which I worked hard to get into. It troubled me for a long time, but it gets easier when you realise that University doesn't mean dick and that you've usually been sold on the experience that you see on University pamphlets than anything substantive

As long as most people get away from their parents, have a chance to get drunk and have sex then they're happy. At the end they'll rate their University as "Excellent" so they can show off the good approval ratings when they get job interviews and the cycle continues. There's no enough anger toward Universities in my opinion.

The point is to realise that the whole system is a business. You probably only feel like you have to be social because University has been marketed to you as a social experience. Don't feel like you have to get involved in University or societies. It's all networking. It's the same reason kiss-ass students rub shoulders with professors at their books signings.

I don't know of any friends I've made turning up to designated social gatherings. In fact that sounds to me like a thoroughly anti-social environment. Just remember: You are allowed not to enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlakRSYzMWs

[Anonymous No.9151576]

>>9151410
I had a great time in university, made a ton of business connections (which is the best thing about attending an institution with a bunch of like-minded people, contrary to what your little babby ass believes not everyone is a slackass retard at universities) and was placed for a good job in my field (anthropology) immediately because I worked hard and impressed the faculty. Stop projecting your insecurities about being a worthless NEET onto everyone else

[Anonymous No.9151580]

>>9151576
>I had a great time in university, made a ton of business connections

kek, modern Uni in a nutshell

[Anonymous No.9151605]

>>9151570
This is the redpill OP. I wouldn't take it if I were you, I'm not sure you can stomach it

[Anonymous No.9151608]

>>9151576
>made a ton of business connections
>the best thing about attending an institution with a bunch of like-minded people

I want to pull the trigger on myself after reading that. I always thought there wasn't a single person who enjoyed networking.

[Anonymous No.9151610]

>>9151580
Sorry anon, try as you might I'm not giving you a handout

[Anonymous No.9151614]

>>9151576
>business connections
what does this even mean? what "business" are you even talking about? and how many "connections" does one man need?

[Anonymous No.9151618]

>>9151570
Why are contemporary marxists so stodgy?

>tfw no situationist bros to drunkenly wander around the city and irl shitpost with

[Anonymous No.9151619]

>>9151605
There's nothing redpill about pointing out that £9,000 p/a for 3-6 hours of education per week is a scam, and that the deal is sweetened by the ethical imperative that you are expected to have a great time. More than a third of Uni graduates would agree with me.

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2016/aug/10/more-than-a-third-of-uk-graduates-regret-attending-university

[Anonymous No.9151622]

>>9151576
>business connections
>anthropology
biggest doss course ever
anthropology, psychology and sports science are the big three courses that when someone says they did them it's easiest to know they're a worthless person

[Anonymous No.9151629]

>>9151614
approximately six connections.

I guess I shouldn't have used the word 'business.' What I meant was, I got to know a lot of cross-appointed faculty members that work with other programs in the university who have expressed interest in doing research with me and others who know their way around applying for grants and research project approval, so it helps me out because I'm relatively new. It's a lot better for me than to try to approach it without any help

[Anonymous No.9151636]

>>9151622
I don't know what to tell you anon, but I'm doing pretty well, making money and doing work that I'm interested in. But by all means continue to pigeonhole the world if it makes you feel better

[Anonymous No.9151640]

>>9151255
>bear
>not gay

Ok bud

[Anonymous No.9151643]

>>9151260
I don't know a god damn thing about bingo. How fucked am I?

[Anonymous No.9151648]

>>9151419

PROBLEMATIC

[Anonymous No.9151656]

>>9151643

[Anonymous No.9151658]

>>9151629
Right, so you used the phrase "business connections" to make yourself sound more important or accomplished? Because the reality is that you just met some teachers at school and did/will do school-related things with them... which is what we've all been doing since we were in diapers.

[Anonymous No.9151660]

>>9151618
Yeah I was hoping it would be /lit/ / /leftypol/ incarnate but it was just some autist giving powerpoint presentations and having to argue with some angry guy from Ukraine who got mad over a disagreement.

>>9151629
Sound like a pretty anecdotal reason for going to University, anon. What percent of students do you think get research grants and get to do work they enjoy? What makes you so sure that even you will be able to continue this line of work indefinitely and be successful in the long run, especially in a field as overpopulated as anthropology/

Is something still worth it if only 5% of participants really and truly benefit from it? What about the other 95% who pay their fees?

You have to convince us that University is good for the majority

[Anonymous No.9151670]

>>9151477
At least we know we're not alone

[Anonymous No.9151692]

>>9151658
Eh, it's just what people call it here, I guess I allowed the fruity terminology to rub off on me. Who cares, really. Well, I guess you obviously do.
>>9151660
Why do I have to do that? All I said was that university was good for me, some other faggot was acting like it's an objectively useless place. I did well because I worked hard, got good grades, and actively tried to meet people. Too many retards that go to university just expect everything to be handed to them because they paid for an education, but that's a millennial mentality. If you want to work in your field, knowing it's competitive, you've still got to put in effort. Not my problem 95 % of people are either too stupid or too lazy to do that.

[Anonymous No.9151729]

>>9151692
I totally agree that people don't work hard enough at University. I think that's part of the problem. I know tonnes of people who have been let into my Uni with grades way below the requirement. I'm most likely going to graduate with a 1st degree or a high 2:1 so I'm not coming from a place of academic failure. I'm not even smart, I jut work hard and read widely.

As for networking, the whole thing is way too cynical. I know professors who organise talks with them and their friends just to slap each other on the back and sell books to ass-sucking students who are only there to make "business connections." I even know professors who make buying their book a requirement on the modules they teach.

The whole thing is really cynical and designed to rinse students of their money. I know you're trying to be optimistic and all, but you have to acknowledge that University is failing a lot of students in a big life sense

[Anonymous No.9151739]

>>9151186
Here's the trick: it is easier to tone down autistm than toning it up.
If you feel quiet literally be the opposite of it, even if it means that you have to shout. No matter what you say you can force yourself to do it, and since you're in a uni club even if you show your autism people will understand.

People are not avoiding you because you're an autist, they're avoiding you because you're boring. They don't know what you think, and they immediatly see that to cave it out from your brain they have to make a monumental effort.

Just fucking shout if you find yourself in this situation again.

[Anonymous No.9151747]

>>9151186

For what it's worth, in my third year I was a social mess too. I now have the confidence to go up and start talking to people randomly. Most people seem to appreciate it too. I get the feeling people are desperate for conversations outside of social media but don't know how to initiate.

If there's one piece of advice I'd give then it's regard yourself as being better simply for trying to talk IRL rather than via Facebook chat. Feeling good about that will instill the confidence you need to take over the Western World.

[Anonymous No.9151755]

>>9151477
>>9151473

Me too. I went to an anime society once, way before I knew anything about /a/. I was just amazed how fucking lame everybody was.

[Anonymous No.9151800]

when i was in college i spent all of my free time alone in the library reading and don't regret it one bit

i am so awesome

[Anonymous No.9151832]

>>9151739
>Op shows up to the next book club meeting
>Sits nervously, checks side to side to see if anyone is looking at him
>Qt asks him something
>"WH-WHAT"
>Begins screeching incoherently
>Confused club members soon realize he is speaking in tongues
>Becomes their prophet, leads worldwide autistic revolution

[Anonymous No.9151834]

>>9151522
He's putting the metaphorical (and literal) pussy on a pedestal, you enabler.

[Anonymous No.9151837]

>>9151643
Six ways from Sunday, kid.

[Anonymous No.9151860]

>>9151186
Sounds like you need an injection of discipline into your life.

>stop wanking/watching porn
>start meditating
>start exercising
>eat well
>stop using drugs or drinking to excess if you currently partake in either
>put yourself in situations outwith your comfort zone

Remember, there is no silver bullet when it comes to social ineptitude (at least not in the long term). Social anxiety is not an illness and you shouldn't treat it as such, unless of course you are legit medically diagnosed autist, which you almost certainly are not.

Social anxiety is the product of a perennially insipid lifestyle. If you're going through the motions without making any concerted effort to stimulate endorphin production, don't be surprised when your sense of self-worth plummets to absolute zero and you're incapable of interacting with other human beings as a result.

Social media and the 'chon are full of degenerate mouthbreathing narcissists that have been locked in their room watching anime and wanking into socks since the age of thirteen. They bleat about their inability to interact with other human beings as if they're the undeserving victim of some divine affliction. This sort of attitude is the result of a perverse and distinctly modern ego-centrism, remember that your circumstances are not exceptional and that it is well within the purview of your volition to improve your social capabilities.

Furthermore, don't entertain these spastics or tell to "just relax" and so on and so forth. You're only likely to experience that which you described in the OP until your life becomes a groundhog day of interpersonal calamities. You need to eliminate the underlying lifestyle deficiencies.

I know it sounds as if I'm assuming a lot about you. I was just going to post the greentext section but I ended up going off on one. Ignore if it doesn't apply, obviously.

[Anonymous No.9151912]

>>9151186
So you talk to 2 people and expected to make friends?

Here are some truths
>70% of the people you speak to will not become your friends
>Of the 30%, 20% will be unbearable and fake
>Essentially you can make 5 close friends maximum, being generous.
>Of these 5 friends, only 3 you will trust

[Anonymous No.9151957]

>>9151860
>narcissists
i've heard this before but i don't understand how social ineptidude and shyness is the result of narcissism

[Anonymous No.9152067]

>>9151860

>social anxiety

It seems to help when you're not scared to express yourself. I'd say 95% of my own social anxiety over the past few years has come from trying to be somebody I'm not.

That includes acting like an intellectual juggernaut and I gather I'm not alone there.

[Anonymous No.9152082]

>>9151957
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_fable

Somebody posted a link to an article on adolescent ego-centrism earlier in the thread, which ties into this as well.

As far as the idea of "personal fable" is concerned, young people have a psychological inclination to characterise their social anxiety as an inalienable attribute of their identity and/or personality, which they believe is entirely unique to themselves. This misattribution manifests itself in a refusal to accept responsibility for overcoming social ineptitude and and feeling sorry for oneself instead.

I don't think it says anything to that effect in the article, its just a thought I've had based on prior introspection and observation.

[Anonymous No.9152105]

>>9152082

This is a better way of explaining what I meant here >>9152067

[Anonymous No.9152165]

>>9152067
>It seems to help when you're not scared to express yourself
If this is supposed to qualify as advice its as good as saying "don't be anxious".

I know what you're getting at and it sounds as if you're echoing the point I made regarding narcissism.

Young people by default are inclined toward an egotistical social outlook. In the case of your typical autismo, they incubate a self-perception in the confines of their adolescent bedroom, only for their self-esteem to crumble when this ego is confronted by the realities of social interaction.

I hardly think it boils down to "just bee yourself" though. The objective should be to overcome the limitations of the ego, rather than reimagine it in a different context.

>>9152105
See above

[Anonymous No.9152430]

>>9151860
I don't watch anime, I wank like 2 times a week and I don't do drugs, drink very rarely.

[Anonymous No.9152505]

>>9152430
I was just creating an image with the anime thing, mate.

Wanking twice a week is two much. Wank without porn if you can, complete abstention is preferable though.

[Anonymous No.9152518]

>>9151274
this guy gets it

[Anonymous No.9152547]

>>9151352
Underrated as fuck post. Thx anon

[Anonymous No.9153905]

>>9151747
How have you developed this skill or just going up to people randomly and starting a conversation? Practice? Do they have to be alone at some occasion usually or do you go to groups too?

[Anonymous No.9154937]

don't take shit so serious or enjoy your first mental breakdown

[Anonymous No.9154948]

>>9151260
Haha bro just take complete control of your subconscious brah

[Anonymous No.9154985]

>>9154937
>i'm scientifically iliterate
thanks for sharing

[Anonymous No.9155010]

>>9151739
Probably the best advice in this thread.

[Anonymous No.9155018]

The reality of university is that if you don't make friends within the designated first two weeks of your first year, it becomes exponentially harder to do so

[Anonymous No.9155053]

>friendless 3rd year
>join the English club
>go to club party
>drink way too much
>start explaining to sophomores how the Allies were in the wrong and the age of consent should be lowered to 16
>can't remember what happened next but the police were called

Try explaining all this to a dean.

[Anonymous No.9155256]

>>9151832
YES

[Anonymous No.9155335]

>>9153905

One day I started a social experiment where I began smiling more. I realized it quickly that it elicited a better response from people so I started making more small talk and things kind of went from there. There's no one size fits all approach but people generally react well to somebody who's confident (not cocky).

I'm not in college though. I think my approach is easier in the """"real world"""".

>>9151739

This post is essentially what I'm getting at.

[Anonymous No.9155474]

>>9151352
Thank you anon

[Anonymous No.9155544]

>>9151860
This dude looks like the progeny of Thom Yorke and Eggman

[Anonymous No.9155568]

>>9151739
>tfw too smart to express my autism (been like this from childhood) because I preemptively expect negative reactions
>this has made me boring as fuck

I think I should talk more. Fuck, I'm not even that autistic, I just play it way too safe and am, as a result, an inoffensive non-entity.

[Anonymous No.9155605]

>tfw brave enough to meet 20 strangers from 4chan, take a train to the adjacent city and get blackout drunk in some dorm while yelling evola memes but not brave enough to meet uni acquaintances during off hours
what did I mean by this

[America the Beautiful No.9155618]

>>9151558
http://www.chronicle.com/article/The-Great-Shame-of-Our/239148

Why do our nation’s English departments consistently accept several times as many graduate students as their bespoke job market can sustain? English departments are the only employers demanding the credentials that English doctoral programs produce. So why do we invite young scholars to spend an average of nearly 10 years grading papers, teaching classes, writing dissertations, and training for jobs that don’t actually exist? English departments do this because graduate students are the most important element of the academy’s polarized labor market. They confer departmental prestige. They justify the continuation of tenure lines, and they guarantee a labor surplus that provides the cheap, flexible labor that universities want.

Yet to talk about adjuncts is to talk about the centerpiece of higher education. Tenured faculty represent only 17 percent of college instructors. Part-time adjuncts are now the majority of the professoriate and its fastest-growing segment. From 1975 to 2011, the number of part-time adjuncts quadrupled. And the so-called part-time designation is misleading because most of them are piecing together teaching jobs at multiple institutions simultaneously. A 2014 congressional report suggests that 89 percent of adjuncts work at more than one institution; 13 percent work at four or more. The need for several appointments becomes obvious when we realize how little any one of them pays. In 2013, The Chronicle began collecting data on salary and benefits from adjuncts across the country. An English-department adjunct at Berkeley, for example, received $6,500 to teach a full-semester course. It’s easy to lose sight of all the people struggling beneath the data points. $7,000 at Duke. $6,000 at Columbia. $5,950 at the University of Iowa.

These are the high numbers. According to the 2014 congressional report, adjuncts’ median pay per course is $2,700. An annual report by the American Association of University Professors indicated that last year "the average part-time faculty member earned $16,718" from a single employer. Other studies have similar findings. Thirty-one percent of part-time faculty members live near or below the poverty line. Twenty-five percent receive public assistance, like Medicaid or food stamps. One English-department adjunct who responded to the survey said that she sold her plasma on Tuesdays and Thursdays to pay for her daughter’s day care. Another woman stated that she taught four classes a year for less than $10,000. She wrote, "I am currently pregnant with my first child. … I will receive NO time off for the birth or recovery. It is necessary I continue until the end of the semester in May in order to get paid, something I drastically need. The only recourse I have is to revert to an online classroom […] and do work while in the hospital and upon my return home." Sixty-one percent of adjunct faculty are women.

[Anonymous No.9155621]

This happened to me every single time I joined a society or went to a party

Within the first 5 minutes, every single person knew everyone else and had their phone number and had become facebook friends, meanwhile id had 2 really stilted conversations that went nowhere

I gave up

[Anonymous No.9155755]

>>9151739
Fuck, now it all makes sense. I'm being 100% serious here, I've literally never looked at it this way.

Thank you anon

[Anonymous No.9156863]

>>9151739
>>9155755
Wait, I don't understand. How is shouting in a public are for some attention going to be better than learning to talk in more normal situations. And how is this toned down autism?