What it all amounts to

[Anonymous No.896310]

Washed out, harsh pinnacle apex
informant.

White shadows,
with blue-penciled-in fixes
dry erase love stories
to clean up in the morning to make room for a better idea.

Even cheap ties feel new the first time you wear them
Even cheap girls feel new the first time you fuck them
My semi-translucent modern commodities:
an almost convincing re-enactment of a life that satiates me.

And the next 40 years - a lone photograph with a changing background
such a noble sacrifice, in the eyes of the neutered.
doomsday carpool,
ill-informed of tomorrows norms.

So cancel good habits
subscribe to bad friends
rearrange your social property
rearrange your hope & insecurity
rearrange, truth and passion
and conformist, un-ending, dynamic second-guess awkwardness everlasting

[Anonymous No.896313]

I like it, but it might be better as a well-researched and argued essay than it is as a poem.

[Anonymous No.896339]

trite and pendantic

[Anonymous No.896349]

You sound young, dumb and full of cum.

[Anonymous No.896387]

ｗWW.aNＯlｏｌTaＬｋ.Ｓｅ RｅＰｌＡｃE lol_wＩtH ｎ
urp bktmyqjs xpb g sqlf mm d tr gj tk l v f

[None !UyhAEqbnp. No.896395]

basically this
>>896339

>Harsh pinnacle apex
>Semi-tanslucent commodities
>conformist, un-ending, dynamic second-guess awkwardness everlasting
these lines all kind of make me want to vomit. It's not bad, better than most of the stuff posted here

[Anonymous No.896404]

>My semi-translucent modern commodities:

Made me lol

>and conformist, un-ending, dynamic second-guess awkwardness everlasting
>and conformist
>conformist

Fucking ruined it.

[Anonymous No.896424]

ＷWｗ.anoＬOlｔＡLＫ.ｓE_rEｐLacｅ_ｌｏl_Wiｔｈ N
gvd akzsnzbur om nj mbgy zh u bpux kjlmdf

[Anonymous No.896450]

>>896308

ＷWW.ＡNOｌOlＴａlＫ.ＳE_RePｌaCｅ_ｌOL WＩTH_N
x uffqky ubeyzrgukezzw o hh sxmnq

[Anonymous No.896494]

the first rule of fight club: Don't talk about FIGHT CLUB

[Anonymous No.896504]

>>896310
And how does it apply in this thread?

[Anonymous No.896528]

>>896504
...seriously?

[Anonymous No.896546]

>>896494

this...lay off the Palahniuk and read some fucking Steinbeck...and don't talk about "the next forty years" before you've lived them, because your audience will have lived them in many instances. Even Palahniuk wouldn't do that.

[Anonymous No.896608]

OP here.

Yeah i dont really know what im doing. I cant stand most poetry, minus rimbaud or that dude from kill bill (madsen).

I dont edit anything, i just type it out, usually in one go. I dont know what type of process you can use that doesnt make things feel contrived.

These are all 3-4 years old, i stopped writing when work got harder. Here is another one:

========

Lover truth to miss forever

Guest operator, beneath checks.
her balance to leverage,
my jazz glance incumbent.

Lie for an impetus,
Speak to my antithesis.

I hold my void, warm
my plastic war, torn
my gilded compliments, sworn.

Speak to me, lonliness
and I’ll walk the night
past electric walls,
cobblestones and science.

[Anonymous No.896611]

[Anonymous No.896807]

>>896310

Even cheap ties feel new the first time you wear them
Even cheap girls feel new the first time you fuck them

> Even cheap ties feel the new first time you wear them
> Even cheap girls feel the new first time you fuck them

the
new
first
time

What do you think of that?