Depression/alcoholic/self pity circlejerk thread

[Anonymous No.8591231]

State your favourite literary works for helping you in your day to day life.

Optionally explain why you're depressed and an alcoholic.

[Anonymous No.8591246]

I read a lot of books written by alcoholics and addicts. Artie Lange's books helped a lot actually.

I thought I was just naturally depressed for a long time, then when I quit drinking the depression went away. Like, I knew alcohol is a depressant, and if you drink huge quantities of it you're going to be depressed....but still it was somehow a surprise when the depression went away with the alcohol. Addiction rarely makes sense, however.

[Anonymous No.8591265]

>>8591246

Good to hear you're doing better. Personally I turned to alcohol because I was severely depressed. I don't think quitting would alleviate it. I feel like it helps sometimes although I know it's not good but who cares really I would be fine with dying in my 40s or 50s

[Anonymous No.8591273]

Read Sappho, Antigone, Ovid

ancient stuff helps, for some reason

[Anonymous No.8591285]

>>8591265

It helps because it just makes you comfortable with the depression. I guarantee you it's make it worse for you, in the long run, however.

It was a surprise to me how long alcohol can affect your mood, though. It took like 2 months of quitting it before I started feeling good again. If you're drinking heavy, it can bring your mood down for a long fucking time. You might quit for a week and see no difference, and go back to it, but it takes a hell of a lot longer than that for your brain to normalize.

[Anonymous No.8591424]

i'm in and out of depressive states often. lately i've been feeling pretty solid about myself. however i've also been tempted to drink frequently. throughout the day i'm highly motivated; i read novels and poetry, i study new subjects, i keep myself physically active, i engage with the arts, i follow politics. it's just that come nighttime i start to feel worn out. i just want to kick back with a few drinks, throw on some fun music, and shitpost. this isn't necessarily every night, but probably 3-5 days a week. i'd alternate between pot and alcohol to prevent myself from becoming reliant on either, but i'm hunting for jobs that will likely require a drug test, so i don't want to fuck myself over on that.

[Anonymous No.8591476]

>>8591246
DEPRESSANT DOESN'T MEAN IT MAKES YOU DEPRESSED. IT IS A SCIENTIFIC TERM WHICH MEANS REDUCING (DEPRESSING) AROUSAL AND STIMULATION OF CERTAIN PARTS OF THE BRAIN.

ALCOHOL CAN CONTRIBUTE TO DEPRESSION, BUT NOT BECAUSE IT IS A DEPRESSANT. LEARN HOW TO USE TERMINOLOGY PROPERLY.

[Anonymous No.8591544]

>>8591231
Diagnosed BPD dude here. Can't hold a stable job, move from place to place often, making a moderate living from stand-up comedy gigs in dive bars atm. I alternate highly creative periods during which i'm killing on stage, thinking of new material, and writing all day long if i want. But what goes up must come down, and half my days are usually spent blowing gigs, getting drunk or high on whatever i can find, basically a whole bunch of self destruction.

Steppenwolf helped me a lot for some reason. I think it was the part there at the end, when someone says something like "You have to know what's worth caring about, and laugh at everything else."

Journey to the End of the Night and Down and Out in Paris and London helped me out a lot too. Took away some of my anxiety towards financial stability. I've never been able to hold down a job, i probably never will. I've been living half on couches and half in cars for about a year now. I think those two books took away my view of poverty as something depraved, something to be ashamed about.

[Anonymous No.8591554]

>>8591231
i read "Her" by Ferlinghetti recently.

I really helped me to reflect my life.

And i consider myself an alcoholic.

[Anonymous No.8591590]

>>8591544

I like Notes from the Underground

[Anonymous No.8591654]

Sad because my child was killed by his mommy and she can't get over it so she's a stranger now.

I drink straight gin neat for some dumb sentimental reason. It's really not great

[Anonymous No.8591671]

>>8591654
Get help, see an old white guy in a comfortable chair

[Anonymous No.8591697]

>>8591671
Without a magic wand he won't be much help.

[Anonymous No.8592036]

>>8591265
>I would be fine with dying in my 40s or 50s
I would be fine with dying now.

Not that I plan to commit suicide or anything. I am not particularly inclined to die. It's just that if it were to happen, I wouldn't care much.
I find myself more in a position of indifference towards everything than feeling sadness of any kind.

[Anonymous No.8592172]

>>8591476
A. shutup, faggot.

>IT IS A SCIENTIFIC TERM WHICH MEANS REDUCING (DEPRESSING) AROUSAL AND STIMULATION OF CERTAIN PARTS OF THE BRAIN.

B. Which causes you to be depressed.

C. Shutup faggot.

[Breakfast !!EOlubLBevJt No.8592197]

>>8591231
I think about the old man in The Old Man and the Sea quite a bit. I imagine myself toiling at my trade for from shore and alone much like he is and it brings me peace.

[Anonymous No.8592201]

>>8591671
>>8591697
The point of a mental illness is that it fucks with your perspective of reality. There's no point in trying to tell someone with a mental illness they're wrong, especially if you aren't a professional trained to do so. Just leave them be and point them to the nearest hospital whenever they decide to either off themselves or improve themselves.

[Anonymous No.8592229]

>>8592201
>The point of a mental illness is that it fucks with your perspective of reality

Mental Illness also has a nasty habit of encouraging behaviors that will cause the person with it to become even more mentally ill. It makes a pretty vicious cycle.

Read up about stuff like depression spirals. Depressed thoughts tend to lead to more depressed thoughts and action, which leads to even more, just like most mental illness does.

The key is to recognize these thoughts before they cause you to do things that make you even worse. Unfortunately that's really only something you can learn after dealing with the shit for years and years, and being able to analyze yourself from a logical perspective.....something most mentally ill people aren't very good at doing.

[Anonymous No.8592230]

I came here to post something like OP did, but in an existing thread.

I'd really like to read something existential and comfy. Not life-affirming, but quite the opposite. I find that reading depressing books helps me in some way. Something like Stoner, maybe.

Any ideas?

These past week has been absolutely terrible in a lot of ways. My sleep cycle drifted more and more towards the day, and now I sleep the whole day and wake up near midnight. My body is aching everywhere, and today I woke up with a headache that still persists. I keep on sitting in front of the computer when I should just be in bed, but I can't stop for some reason. On top of this, I have a project that I'm supposed to be doing; but I haven't even started it, and have been feeding lies to the people who are checking up on me. I wish this sense of impending doom would reach its logical conclusion with me dying in some preferably painless way.

[Anonymous No.8592242]

>>8591285
>It was a surprise to me how long alcohol can affect your mood, though. It took like 2 months of quitting it before I started feeling good again. If you're drinking heavy, it can bring your mood down for a long fucking time. You might quit for a week and see no difference, and go back to it, but it takes a hell of a lot longer than that for your brain to normalize.
This is inspirational desu. I quit for a week but then I got drunk for two days because sober life was unbearable.

[Anonymous No.8592261]

>tfw pacing rapidly and saying 'I hate myself' and 'I want to kill myself' over and over and over at night

Existance was a mistake.

[Anonymous No.8592268]

Schizoaffective here. If you don't know what that is, it is essentially bipolar with schizophrenia. Sounds fun, and it was at times, but I'm mostly depressed these days since my meds keep me from going manic. I, for one, find that reading religious works is highly inspiring when I'm in a bad mood. Especially mystic and occult stuff. Seems to be the only proper way to describe what happened to me when I went crazy. But why trust a crazy person to be able to describe his own experiences? Bible is always nice. That's what I'm reading right now. The New Testament is such a simple and beautiful set of stories. Very comfy to read before bed. I wish I could go with someone to Mass but I fear becoming a Jesus kid and losing all my burnout atheist drug buddies. Not that I particularly enjoy hanging out with them. I am just addicted to a ton of drugs and fear change. It's easier to be wasted potential than to try and self-actualize and realize you're not hot shit. Not to mention, gentler on the ego. But maybe I'm being too self-deprecating. I probably don't even possess the potential to change. I am so tired and stupefied by my antipsychotics and antidepressants. I wish I could quit those drugs but I doubt my doctor would let me unless I quit weed and alcohol and cigarettes first. I think a lot about qt3.14's... wish I could find one to bring home to my parents. But I've banged too many hipster sluts from dive bars and now I have HPV so I doubt any pure waifu would accept me. Maybe that's why I read religious bullshit. Hoping for something better in the life to come. I'm pretty convinced of reincarnation. This terrifies me worse than Hell. I used to have a pretty vigorous meditation routine but I think it exacerbated my mental illness. Started thinking I was living multiple lifetimes simultaneously. Who knows? I might have been right. It was really trippy stumbling on PKD later and realizing he had the same realization when he became "crazy". Oh well, that's a rabbit hole I don't want to go down right now. Think I'm going to crack open an IPA and smoke a small bowl now. Will come back to this thread in a bit.

[Anonymous No.8592269]

I started doing more drugs and the alcohol sort of well out of fashion. Well, I suppose I still drink too much but it's not as fun.

I think I do it because I'm bored, it's a pretty shitty excuse.

[Anonymous No.8592272]

>>8592268
>has schizophrenia
>writes insane wall of text
checks out

(paragraphs m8)

[Anonymous No.8592277]

I CAN'T SLEEP

[Anonymous No.8592288]

>>8592172
>IT IS A SCIENTIFIC TERM WHICH MEANS REDUCING (DEPRESSING) AROUSAL AND STIMULATION OF CERTAIN PARTS OF THE BRAIN.

>B. Which causes you to be depressed.
Uh, what? No. That's not how it works.
Opiates are depressants. Do you think that when someone gets in a car crash, fractures their pelvis, and subsequently takes Percocet 4x a day that they are now depressed?

Benzodiazepines are another depressant. Do you think that when someone with panic disorders has a panic attack, takes a xanax, and the panic attack subsides, they are now depressed?

Depression != Depressants

You got confused because the words sound similar and so you mistakenly thought they must mean the same thing. You were wrong.


Just accept that you used the terminology incorrectly and move on. It's not that big of a deal. For fuck's sake, man. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

[Anonymous No.8592300]

>smoke weed to feel normal
>go about 2 months straight high
>work high
>talk to parents high
>go on dates high
>if i cant get weed its booze
>or endone
>acid
>will do literally anything to avoid sobriety
>ran out of weed yesterday
>feel so fucking edged out and anxious
>lying in bed is just fucking mental pain
>shaking
>cant sleep
>everything seems really surreal, like i'm still high

I want to die! hahaha

>>8592288
I might add Ketamine to this list too
a depressant that's being trialed an antidepressant

>>8592172
what are you even doing on /lit/

[Anonymous No.8592302]

>>8592288
i think his point is that prolonged use of depressants is likely to result in, or at least exacerbate, depression, and i don't think that's an unreasonable claim.

[Anonymous No.8592326]

>>8592272
sorry m8

>recommendations
The Bible, The Greeks
>reasons for depression/addiction
I am unwilling or unable to be the change I wish to see in my life.

[Anonymous No.8592411]

>>8592300
>everything seems really surreal, like i'm still high

I know that feeling, I have that when I'm trying to fall asleep. It's amusing in a way. Do you like it or not?

[Anonymous No.8592440]

>>8591273
it's the cathrasis

[Anonymous No.8592442]

i'm depressed because I never had a father. I have a great life,i do great things, i fuck beautiful women. i have oppurtunities to travel. im interested in things. im passionate. im young. but i don't have a dad to come home to and tell these things to do. it's drives me crazy but mostly just makes me feel a low and persistent level of sadness from day to day.
I don't drink. I keep going but I am lost.

[Anonymous No.8592452]

>>8592300
This makes me want to cop some K

Is it good lads?

[Anonymous No.8592473]

>>8592442
Hey, at least you don't have a dad that drunkenly hits you in the head until you cry at the dinner table and then calls you less than a man for doing so while you're a little kid.

[Anonymous No.8592493]

Ada or Ardor - Vladimir Nabokov
Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas - Hunter S Thompson
Sylvia Plath: Collected Poems / The Bell Jar

The first one because Nabokov was able to take qualities about himself that he repressed or hated and put them to work in his beautiful writing; the second because Hunter puts some perspective on how fucked up I am and what I'd have to do to go overboard; and both of the Plath books for both reasons.

My doctor and psychologist have suggested that my depression is the result of hypothyroidism, because I have no unique reasons to be depressed anymore, but I am, and I'm a scrawny fuck on top of it because my BMR is wack.

[Anonymous No.8592498]

Bataille's Blue of Noon, or Ryu Murakami's Coin Locker Babies: both novels about fascism and violence and sex. I'm quite happy, really, but still I drink every day.Last month I drank so much one night I woke up in a Hong Kong love hotel with three Filipino prostitutes and a gaping hole in my bank account.Why do I do this, /lit/? Why am I so determined to crawl into the gutter?

[Anonymous No.8592500]

>>8592172
found the pseud

[Anonymous No.8592524]

>>8592230

Pretty much the only author I like to read when I'm in your state (which is most of the time) is Murakami. I don't know if you'd call any of his books existential, but they're pretty comfy and not exactly life-affirming. Norwegian Wood has a lot of suicide in it.

[Anonymous No.8592553]

Depressed, diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, books work only for escapism, they don't help in daily life. I like reading Ezra Pound. I don't drink alcohol but am a possible benzo addict.

[Anonymous No.8592558]

>>8592473
is no dad better than a shit dad?

[Anonymous No.8592568]

>>8592558
I think there's a tipping point. No dad is better than a das that rapes you of course, but my dad is just kind of shitty so he's useful as a reminder of what I do not want to become.

Although I now also have a drinking problem so I guess it doesn't always work.

[Anonymous No.8592587]

>>8592568
is he a rolemodel insofar as he is a model for what not to be? i guess thats better than having a void where your idea of what sort of man your meant to become is?

[Anonymous No.8592593]

>>8592473

I wish my parents hit me as discipline and not just as a safety valve when they got unusually mad at me. I'm jealous of the Mexican kids who have a little printed booklet with all the demerit points and sandal-wacks laid out for them nicely. There was no way for me to predict and thus avoid getting hit on the head. I remember my mom completely losing her shit and threatening to kill me for making too much noise when she was trying to work.

>>8592568

>my dad is just kind of shitty so he's useful as a reminder of what I do not want to become

This. Whenever I'm reminded of aggressive, stupid, or callous things he did I promise myself not to turn out like him. I don't even hate him, it's just hard to respect him. My dad is incredibly condescending to my grandparents and I catch myself talking to him the same way. I have to wonder what life was like for him growing up.

So maybe I should just get a vasectomy.

[Anonymous No.8592597]

>>8592593
>>8592568
My dad is a serial womaniser and five years into a relationship I'm fucking somone else on the side every week. Aren't father-son relationships grand?

[Anonymous No.8592611]

>>8592597

My grandfather's father was a piece of work too. I come from a long line of bad fathers and I think the line had better end with me. Either that or just have girls. I think our problem is that we're so similar we get on each others' nerves just by existing because I don't remember my brother ever getting the same degree of mistreatment. He's always been an island unto himself. If I had a girl she would necessarily be quite different than me, but if I spawned another chip off the old block. . .boy oh boy.

[Anonymous No.8592615]

>>8591424
>towards night time I get tired and feel like relaxing with a couple drinks
This isn't depression you yuppie faggot

[Anonymous No.8592643]

Bipolar 2 and major depressive disorder checking in.

Usually, I'll be reading what matches my mood during my mania cycle. Pulp sci-fi when I need to escape from a real low point, nonfiction specific interests when I'm feeling very manic-productive, philosophy (usually ancient) when I feel the years closing in on me, and so on and so forth. If there's a moment to spare, that means it's wasted potential, and wasted potential leads to even lower lows, which leads to more potential being thrown away. You get the idea.

Which is, of course, how we ended up in our current situation. Homeless, living in permanently parked car, leg swollen and in such general bad shape that I can't walk for extended periods of time, penniless. The new American dream if you will. Because while no social program is interested in helping an unattached twenty something male within the next twenty months or so, at least I still have a car battery to charge my smart phone on while connected to the wi-fi in an unlivable house a mere four meters away. Can't afford the pills and booze to make it all go away forever, but I can leech off this plan to shit up cyberspace until they decide to put some tasteful digital shutters up on my access point.

No one of value gives a fuck that I'm probably going to exit this big, aetherial building slowly and painfully fairly soon, but at least I'm still able to shitpost or listen to an audio book when it's too cold to turn the page on my e-reader. What a time to be alive.

[Anonymous No.8592644]

I honestly have no idea what's wrong with me. I've had hallucinations, delusions, violent behaviour, a sense of self so strong it's bordered on narcissism and a sense of self so weak I've been completely convinced that I'm not real. I've gone from risk taking behaviour], theft, barfights etc., to being too jumpy and anxious to even leave the house and having regular panic attacks, and back again.

I saw a psychiatrist three times and she just gave up (very quickly) and slapped me with personality disorder NOS (not otherwise specified). She referred me to psychotherapy. Been about a month and still waiting to hear back.

I don't have any one book I read when I'm depressed, generally I like stuff involving addiction and poverty as a cautionary tale. Post Office was alright.

[Anonymous No.8592648]

>>8592643
Paint yourself brown and fly to Europe brother. We'll take care of you.

[Anonymous No.8592659]

>>8592648
I don't want to be taken care of, honestly. Want a fair shake is all; give me a loan to secure some necessities, a few weeks to heal up and find some dead end job to work, and then let me pay it back. Don't want that karmic debt looming over my head, nor the real debt for that matter.

However, if you mean to remove me from this terrible existence then just let me know which shade of brown to paint myself up with and I'll be there in a jif.

[Anonymous No.8592667]

>>8592659
>some basic healthcare and enough money to subsist on while looking for work is "karmic debt" to Americans
good goyim hehe

[Anonymous No.8592682]

>>8592644

One of my psychiatrists decided I was "bipolar" and prescribed me a drug called valproic acid. This drug is similar to lithium and has the same purpose, and it had horrific side affects. Whenever I took it I would hallucinate and become delirious. I would have to wake up my mom at four in the morning to sit by my bed until I fell asleep because I was so terrified at what I was seeing and hearing. Eventually she came to the clinic with me and begged the psychiatrist to try a different drug. Years later a new psychiatrist told me that my diagnosis had been "revised" to Depression NOS. I wish I could sue that other guy but it would be impossible to prove any kind of negligence.

I wouldn't put too much faith in psychiatrists anon. Getting a good therapist might help, but do yourself a favor and find one with a doctorate. The "clinical counselors" are often just quacks in my personal anecdotal experience. One of them earnestly told me that he had communed with his dead dog for fuck's sake.

[Anonymous No.8592692]

>>8592659

>However, if you mean to remove me from this terrible existence then just let me know which shade of brown to paint myself up with and I'll be there in a jif.

The time of danger is when you feel calm about "checking out." When you stop feeling angry and accept your decision to leave that's when you know you're in trouble.

[Anonymous No.8592726]

>>8592452
It only works as an antidepressant if you take very small doses regularly, like any other antidepressant.
If you do a whole line, you'll feel physically but not mentally drunk. If you do a couple, everything gets a bit weird. If you do three, time starts to loop and your vision starts to flange. If you do four, you fall out of reality into a 0-place where you have to reconstruct your understanding of everything; who you are, what that means and how physics works, from scratch.
You usually get it right, though. I mean, I'm fairly certain this reality is the same one I left. It's hard to tell.

[Anonymous No.8592742]

>>8592644
Confession booths are psychotherapy for free, try it. Every city should have a good confessor, look into it.

[Anonymous No.8592788]

>NOS

psychiatrist D R O P P E D

[Anonymous No.8592810]

>>8592268
>I have HPV so I doubt any pure waifu would accept me.
women are full of disease and surely one will accepted to be entertained by you

[Anonymous No.8592811]

>>8592442
>I do great
>I AM JUST A HEDONISTIC PLEB

K

[Anonymous No.8592896]

>>8591231

Does anyone meditate? For a long time I thought it was pretty gay but I have been looking into it recently and want to give it a shot. I tried once but my mind goes a million lightyears a minute and I can't get it to slow down. I also legitimately hate being alone with my thoughts so I try to keep my brain stimulated at all times because if I don't I will start thinking about my life and other things I don't want to think about.

[Anonymous No.8592934]

>>8591231
too few discipline

[Anonymous No.8593050]

>>8592742
Don't you have to be Catholic? Also, isn't confession only about wrongdoing? Im not sure I could just get in the booth and whine about my father never loving me.

[Anonymous No.8593056]

>>8592615
No but it might be alcoholism

[Anonymous No.8593058]

>>8593056
Thinking about having drink and deciding it against it isn't alcoholism mr. "I am middle class and have no real problems"

[Anonymous No.8593067]

>>8593058
Whatever you say mr arbiter of alcoholism

You should try rereading the post you responded to though

[Anonymous No.8593080]

>>8593067
Shouldn't you be studying up for those cambridge entrance exams Tarquin?

[Anonymous No.8593087]

THE WORLD WASNT MADE BY THESE PEOPLE

[Anonymous No.8593089]

>>8592172
>lit

[Anonymous No.8593097]

>>8593080
>post literally begins 'i'm in and out of depressive states'
>hurr that's not real depression u dumb yuppie hyukhyukhyuk

You might be the one in need of some extra studying, friend

[Anonymous No.8593102]

>>8592288
>Uh, what? No. That's not how it works.

Uh, what? Yes, that's how it works.

>Do you think that when someone gets in a car crash, fractures their pelvis, and subsequently takes Percocet 4x a day that they are now depressed?

Yeah, dipshit, they can be. If they're suffering from depression already, it can definitely make it worse. How do i know? Because i've fucking been there too.

>Do you think that when someone with panic disorders has a panic attack, takes a xanax, and the panic attack subsides, they are now depressed?

Yeah, it's bringing your fucking mood down to compensate from the massive fucking anxiety you're suffering.

>You were wrong.
Nope, you're wrong, and gay, and annoying.

[Anonymous No.8593175]

>>8592442
>i'm depressed because I never had a father.

Don't ever blame anything else for your own problems dude. I had an abusive, mentally ill, drunken father, and for a lot of my life I blamed him for all my problems.

The thing is though, yeah he got the ball rolling with my problems, and addictions and general mental illness, but who kept pushing? Me. I was the one who didn't get any help for 20 years or so, I was the one who refused to do anything to help myself and instead chose to kept enacting self destructive behaviors over and over again. I was the one who instead of bettering myself, decided I should just drink myself stupid to deal with it, and in turn just make everything worse.

I've been through the mental health and addiction system for years, and now I can see the main reason most people stay in it and never get better is because they refuse to believe that they have any fault in their own problems, or that they're doing tons of behaviors and actions that are just making matters worse.

If some guy can't see well, what would you think if he refused to wear glasses or contacts, and just wandering around screaming, "I CAN'T FUCKING SEE, THIS IS BULLSHIT!!! THIS IS MY PARENTS FAULT WITH THEIR GAY FUCKING DNA!!! I'M A VICTIM!!!"

If you want to get better, you need to start recognizing the active part that you are playing in making your own condition worse. It might not be fair that you have it in the first place, but oh well, some people are born diabetic, some people are born short and ugly, you were born or made into a nutty prick, deal with it. It's not just your responsibility, but your obligation to handle these issues, nobody else's.

And if you don't, then stop fucking complaining, and blaming others.

[Anonymous No.8593190]

>>8593102
its ok baby, just cry it out.

[Anonymous No.8593197]

>>8591231
quit alcohol you fucking fatalist.

[Anonymous No.8593213]

>>8592896

OP here. No but I think I want to try it as well.

[Anonymous No.8594526]

>>8593197

Quitting just makes it worse fuck off

[C.W Smith No.8594553]

>>8591231
>tfw stay up all night till 4am
>lots of jim beam shots
just drunk as hell reading Leaves of Grass feels godlike

[Anonymous No.8594610]

Kafka feels like my friend nowadays since I'm too reclusive to keep/many any in person. I also love Sylvia Plath, Whitman, various Japanese lit and Joyce to keep me company. But Kafka above all.

I'm depressed because I feel dead. I wake up, and I feel nothing. My body is like an empty beer can. I never feel adequate. My heart has been broken. All I do is write, drink, smoke, and work at my part-time clerical position. I feel like I'm going nowhere, and it's always been difficult to see myself in another place. This is where I've always been I think. My emptiness is my home. It's what fills me. I can't go on.

[Anonymous No.8594640]

>>8594610

Very beautifully written my friend.

[Anonymous No.8594671]

>>8594610
have you tried to get a gf?

[Anonymous No.8594673]

>>8594640
I appreciate that very much anon (if you're not being sarcastic)

[Anonymous No.8594687]

>>8594673

No sarcasm at all. I liked the way you worded that. Cheers

[Anonymous No.8594688]

>>8594671
I've tried getting into a relationship but I'm really horrible around people. No idea why. I always feel awkward and like others think I'm awkward. I never feel comfortable in public. It feels painful almost being outside of my house. One can only imagine how I act around the opposite sex.

[Anonymous No.8594737]

>>8594688

You sound like you have anxiety.

[Anonymous No.8594739]

>>8594688
Listen to FKA Twigs

[Anonymous No.8594760]

Oblomov is a good book if you want an idea of what happens when you get stuck in a rut.

The /alcohol/ threads need to stop though.

[Anonymous No.8594763]

>>8594760

>The /alcohol/ threads need to stop though.

No, they don't. Your arbitrary opinion is unnecessary and nobody cares. Go away.

[Anonymous No.8594786]

>>8594763
>glorifying alcoholism is /lit/!!

you're no better than a frogposter. Go to the designated board for these dumb threads

[Anonymous No.8594801]

>>8594786

>booo alcoholism ruins lives and makes you non /lit/tier durrrrrrrrrrrrr

You're morally bankrupt and a disgusting pig.

[Anonymous No.8594813]

>>8594801
>>>/r9k/

[Anonymous No.8594818]

>>8594813
>>>/trash/

[Anonymous No.8594827]

>>8592896
I have depression, and I've been meditating for about two years. I do feel like it helps along with other things, but definitely isn't a cure. Antidepressants for example seemed to help a lot more.

If you have any interest at all I would recommend giving it a try though. It really helps with things you describe like fear of being alone with your thoughts or the feeling that you can't stop your mind from racing, but it can take a while to see the benefits.

For me, mindfulness has helped remove the power of those thoughts. Now on a good day, when I notice thoughts like "I"m a piece of shit," or "things will never be better," or "it would be easier to just kill myself," I don't have to believe them and I can let them pass away. It's like the thoughts aren't me anymore, just some weird spasm that comes and goes. Similar practices also align nicely with elements of cognitive behavioral therapy. That being said, I still have days where I can't leave home and debate whether the amount of pills in my cabinet would really finish the job or just leave me puking.

Comfy somber thread lads. I like it.

[Anonymous No.8594850]

>>8594827

Do antidepressants change your personality and make you fat?

[Anonymous No.8594852]

>>8594760
Everyone is at different points in their lives and sometimes you need a space to blow off steam regardless of how unwise or unhealthy or pretentious it is to be talking about alcoholism and depression. Like the other anon said, please go away. This is for us, not you. Peruse another thread.

[Anonymous No.8594918]

>>8594850
No, I don't think they change your personality. That fear stopped me from trying them for a long time, but if anything they've helped me feel more like myself or at least tap into parts of myself I thought were gone forever.

There can be weird side effects though, and weight gain or loss is a common one. I didn't experience that, but there's a lot of variation in how people react. For me, as soon as I started this one pill it would take forever to have an orgasm. I would just keep pumping away but couldn't get there. Switched to a different one and I could cum again. Who knows? The body is weird.

[Anonymous No.8594983]

>>8594827

98% chance they would just leave you puking.

>>8594850

I've taken many antidepressants over the years and haven't noticed any changes in my personality or mood. Certain ones make me agitated, but most have no discernible positive or negative affects Antipsychotics make it easy to eat a lot without noticing it, just like pot. I take them before I got to sleep so that by the time I wake up the hunger pangs are gone. Every once in a while I stumble into the kitchen and gorge myself, but if I'm careful and can maintain or lose weight just like everybody else.

Psyh ward nurses talk about a phenomenon called "the feeding frenzy" where a bunch of patients come out of their rooms after lights out and eat the peanut butter toast which is basically the only food left in a psych ward kitchen overnight. Nice to know that they thought of us as no better than animals. The nurse assigned to my case occasionally had trouble concealing her contempt for both her job and for me and would sometimes let slip piquant little anecdotes like that.

[Anonymous No.8595001]

>>8594983

I feel for you. I study psychology and to be honest I don't know if I will stick with it. I want to get into med school and if I do then I'd rather be a regular doctor over a psychiatrist. Psychologists are a little better I think but I don't know if I should get my PhD in that or something else. The mental health field can be a very evil place full of scum. I hate half the people I have done research with and most of my professors too. Such shit people with such a black and white view of the world who think they are right about everything and can classify people as normal or abnormal based on their arbitrary opinions.

[Anonymous No.8595026]

>was a horribly self-conscious and anxious teenager, to the point where I almost refused to talk to people who weren't in my circle of friends
>basically turned all that around in my senior year of high school, got over my social anxiety almost completely, can hold conversations with ease etc.
>at the same time, deep down, feel like nothing's really changed, and have this odd anxiety that people are still able to tell what I used to be like and still sniff me out as somehow fucked up
>means I take any form of social rejection pretty catastrophically, feel like it's a complete rejection by that person of everything I am.
>basically feel like whatever surface appearance I might put on, nothing can mask the fact that I'm different in some essential way, sort of alienated.

Anyone relate or have similar problems?

Also for the O.P's main question, I find Pynchon a pretty good mirror for feelings of anxiety, with a lot of levity as well, so it means you don't have to take it that seriously.

[Anonymous No.8595042]

>>8591231
i drank a whole bootle of jim beam whiskey reading
>pic related

Am i an alcoholic?

[Anonymous No.8595362]

>>8592896
>I also legitimately hate being alone with my thoughts so I try to keep my brain stimulated at all times because if I don't I will start thinking about my life and other things I don't want to think about.