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/lit/ - Literature

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8429185 No.8429185 [Reply] [Original]

A friend and I are creating a novel. What do you guys think?: A man works for corporation that believe they have just created the first interdimensional transportation device. His name is Jake. Jake travels to this dimension where there is nothing, complete darkness. Next day he goes back and finds something that does not really have a shape, but after a while begins to look more human. This thing is named Bobby. Bobby and Jake begin to talk, Bobby complaints that his lips have been feeling dried since he got them. And so Jake brings him a water bottle the next day, he likes it. The next day Jake goes back, Bobby has a bunch of water bottles. When Jake asks him there he got them, he just says, "I got thirsty again and then they were here." jake tells Bobby about Earth, and Bobby likes it. And every time Jake goes there to talk, Bobby creates his world as Jake describes his. Jake suggests that he uses his imagination to create something amazing, bigger. Bobby politely refuses and says he doesn't want to go "over the top." a few days later, Bobby's world is an exact replica of Earth, as Jake tells it, only without people. Bobby does not want to hear about how people are and makes his own ideas of what his people could be if they were the ones who built Earth. One time, the corporation tells Jake that they were thinking of traveling to other dimensions instead of just this one, but they couldn't. They couldn't even appear in a different spot. When Jake goes back, he sees Bobby making a replica of Jake himself, then he finds out that he is not in another dimension, but in another time. Jake had gone back in time to give Bobby every idea for how Earth should be, and the world began one day before Jake first traveled to this time, and all of their memories are fake.

>> No.8429188
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8429188

>dude

>> No.8429456

>>8429185
really enjoy the idea, would read. my only thing is that it seems more like the premise to a movie.

>> No.8429477

>>8429185
>They couldn't even appear in a different spot.
I would say up to this part ^ was very interesting and metaphysical. It sounds like it would make for a good read as a short story/novelette.

I don't like the twist, I think it spoils the potential

>> No.8430408

You think the ending is bad? What else could I write?