/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.804847]

I have always looked towards the sky. Both of my parents went skywards according to the elders. They say that being picked runs in my family. They showed me where my mothers skull lay. All that was left was a flint of bone next to a beaten rock. There was never any sign of the rest of the body, the sky kept it. Only occasionally was the head returned from the sky. I am glad that I did not see my mother's head. I'm pretty sensitive about stuff like that. But I am told that it was glorious.

I have seen plenty of others selected by the sky. It only happens when we are out looking for food. The chosen one eats a special piece of food which effects their body dramatically. The body is instantly taken over by an energy. They dart around hastily and dance, twisting toward the shimmering sky, zigzagging in ecstassssy until they break the roof and it shatters as they break through it. No one can hear any particular words because everyone screams on their ascent, joyfully. When one is chosen some others usually also follow soon after. We all make sure others know what our last words would be if we got chosen. This means that when one is chosen everyone tells someone what their words will be if they follow. 'Make sure Wanda knows that I love her,' things to that effect. We don't get too creative. Everyone frantically eats as much as possible in the hope that they will find another magic morsel.

[Anonymous No.804848]

Some are sent hurling back through the roof. They splatter through the roof with force with a stunned face. They gather themselves after a second. They usually come back crazy. We don't take their unintelligible babblings seriously. They normally wander far off and are never seen again, destined to die having tasted heaven. Instead they die on the floor of this drab earth. Some stick around and warn us not to waste our time trying to eat the magic morsel and to do something productive. They are ignored and are usually out casted. They are always of a small stature or very young kids. Not quite old enough to understand how awesome true bliss is. They are too interested in silly games and are not emotionally mature.

Sometimes the chosen one will ascend half way toward the roof and the ascent will stop midway. They saunter off looking peeved. We think that this is because they are not true believers. As they get closer to the sky whatever is up there can tell and stops the ascent, the beautiful dance interrupted.

The elders in the church are a sad bunch. They have dedicated their lives to praising the sky. Not much happens in their life except for eating. They live an eternally long time without being chosen. They are a patient school. Swimming around life in resigned hope that something special will happen to them. The ones who are sent back never carry on their participation in the church or sunday school. Talk of the sky sends them reeling.

[Anonymous No.804849]

I am eager to eat a magic morsel and meet my family. I eat a lot of food. I am fat. This normally means that if you are chosen you will not be sent back. I like my chances of staying in the sky. I have tried jumping towards. I always land on sharp rocks and have scars up and down my body.

I will be eating a lot when the sun comes out.

...........................................

[Anonymous No.804850]

[Anonymous No.804851]

New scene:

Ross was hungry, he needed to eat. It was breakfast time and he had not eaten the previous day which was unusual for him because he ate often. All he had was a fishing rod. He had no means to cook the fish if he caught one. 'Bugger it,' he thought, 'I'll just have to man up and fucking eat it raw. If I don't eat I may starve.'
He cast his rod out from the top of a tall reef hoping for a quick and easy feed.
Five minutes passed before the tentative bites started and eventually a fish was hooked. He worked it up out of the water, he could tell it was a fat fish, he pondered, 'perfect for brekky?'
He had caught an ugly snapper with what seemed like a smile on it's face. It had been bashed around by the waves and on rocks as it had come up and had wounds running all the way up it's side. He took out his knife and chopped it's head off in a clean motion, placing it beside him. The fish was twitching as he gutted it. The fillets looked gorgeous. The head was spasming violently as he took the first bites of the fishes juicy flesh.
Ross hurled the head back into the ocean because he didn't want the seagulls to eat it as he never liked seagulls in the first place. The head splattered on the surface of the water and all of the swarming fish looked it in the eye and smiled a private smile looking forward to a day when they may be chosen.

[Anonymous No.804861]

so what is this, from an actual book, copypasta, or something OP wrote?

If it is the latter, I saw a few errors, but otherwise, I thought it was actually really good compared to most of the stuff people post here

[Anonymous No.804870]

>>804847
>They say that being picked runs in my family. They showed me where my mothers skull lay.
Oh jesus, for serious? Learn to think of a story that is interesting. Then learn to use an apostrophe.

[Anonymous No.804874]

Cheers man. It's something i just whacked up. Think I might use my holidays to learn how to write creatively. Re reading it I see a few of those errors. Thanks!!

[Anonymous No.804885]

Thanks to you also. I will learn how to be interesting. Thanks!!

[Anonymous No.804890]

Jokes on you bro, you just read something that didn't interest you. What a waste of time.

[Anonymous No.804893]

>>804885
>>804874
Learn to not post until you've edited your own work and rewritten your own words at least three times. Do you think Picasso asked for critiques of the pencil-outlines of paintings he was planning? No, he finished the fucking painting.

[Anonymous No.804921]

I'm surprised the response to his stuff is so negative. He had the one glaring apostrophe missing in the beginning, a few more errors later on, but compared to most of the stuff people post here it's quite well-written and readable.

in b4 "oh hi OP"

[Anonymous No.804951]

>>804921
I agree with you. It's a decent (if a little unoriginal) idea well-executed with a decent (if a little crass) allegory going throughout the whole thing.

My advice to OP would be to cut out the 'new scene', we don't need it. Then maybe go through and try and make the narrator's devotion to being caught more creepy; that was what stood out for me on the first read.

[Anonymous No.804967]

>>804951

oh yeah, I didn't even read the new scene... for some reason I thought it was somebody trolling / adding their own scene who wasn't OP, haha.

the glaring error I notice in the new scene is possessive "its" with an apostrophe added multiple times...