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/lit/ - Literature

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7490016 No.7490016[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

How do I work up the courage to talk to this qt who works at my local library. Seriously my /lit/izens I drop my spaghetti simply by being in the same room as her

>> No.7490021

you're a fucking creep, and id kick your ass in real life

>> No.7490034

>>7490021
lol'd

>> No.7490045

Make a book that says on the cover in huge letters, "I WANT TO FUCK START YOU IN THE ASS, BITCH!" and then go pretend to read it in the library, all the while doing everything you can to make sure she sees it.

>> No.7490056

>>7490021
If I was more social I wouldn't be browsing /lit/ right now

>> No.7490062

Get drunk. I mean like fall down, slurring your words, drinking out of an empty beer for the last hour type drunk. Then drive to the library and hit on her.

>> No.7490074

Here's what you do. Firstly sneak around and find out her favorite readings. Memorize them and take stock of their scents. find the printers of these works and convince them to replace their current tones with a sulfur-based ink. Penn a letter to the owner of a quarry of common minerals and tell him how you have helped his business. He will at first thank you but decide to show you the door. Set his wife on fire, read a biography of Kafka, and cut his breaks and you're done.

>> No.7490085

>>7490062
I literally feel like she's to good for me and that I'll taint her purity

>> No.7490091

>>7490016
brah that's a wedding ring on her finger

>> No.7490096

>>7490085
She's probably just as shitty as you

>> No.7490100

>>7490091
>having two rings on
But honestly she looks to young to be married like in her early twenties

>> No.7490101

>>7490085
Yeah, best get drunk then. Only other thing I can think of is go on a three week meth bender, then go profess your love. You might end up just talking to a mailbox or something, but even that could be good practice.

>> No.7490108

Make polite conversation with her, enough to give a good first impression. Show you also have a vague intrest in both books and whatever she might check out. Repeat a few times with some frequency.
Then slap yourself in the face and say out loud "for each day I don't ask her out I will do as many consecutive burpies as I did yesterday+10." Then do the number of burpies you did yesterday and for each day add 10. repeat until you have either asked her out or you have the body of an Adonis

>> No.7490111

>>7490101
I'm not becoming a druggie to talk to a girl who looks like she goes to church every Sunday

>> No.7490113

>>7490085
Well don't
If she really is then it will come up in a relationship and if it's really a problem then it will be addressed

>> No.7490116

>>7490096
This is probably true

>> No.7490123

>>7490108
The thing is I've never even talked to her so her tastes could be pleb tier and I'd have nothing to talk about

>> No.7490126

>>7490111
Well I don't see you coming up with any ideas, faggo.

Besides, she might be a closet pill addict or something and you'd be missing that in.

Also, why assume she even likes reading? Maybe she's working at a library because she needs a fucking job, and she can't actually stand books.

>> No.7490127

>>7490108
the fuck is a burpie?

>> No.7490132

>>7490127
Imagine a pushup, but way more gay.

>> No.7490138

>>7490127
http://www.wikihow.com/Do-a-Burpee
Sorry I'm on my phone

>> No.7490139

You've got to read The Game, bro. Have you tried negging her yet?

>> No.7490147

>>7490139
this
walk up to her, say
"your face is ugly"
unzip your dick

%100 you will get laid

>> No.7490164

>>7490100
No the right hand no less

>> No.7490165

>>7490132
You're thinking of a dive bomber pushup or that kind of sit up where you do a pelvic thrust at the end

>> No.7490167

You just have to make yourself tall and handsome.

>> No.7490171

>>7490139
The wannabe fuccboi is strong with this one

>> No.7490181

>>7490016
Does she has nice feet?

>> No.7490193

>>7490181
She wears boots but I'd imagine her feet are very beautiful

>> No.7490198

Start by asking her where something is, when she helps you find it make very casual uninspired small talk ( don't ask her name or anything about her). Do the same thing another time, but space it a little bit. Say 2 weeks. Make small talk and nothing else. By this point she thinks of u as the nice person she helped find a book for. From this point on ur in the clear to say hi when u see her and U should b able to do the rest. U know if ur asking for dating advice on a jap cartoon literature sub-board then there's already a presupposition that it's probably not gonna work out, but what do I know. Good luck

>> No.7490253

>>7490198
What book should I ask her for that'll make her notice me

>> No.7490258

>>7490198
Yes. Do this.

>H-hey!
>Hi can I help you with something.
>Yes, um, I was wondering if you could help me find something.
>Ok sure! What do you need?
>Well I was wondering, um, if you could help me find my dick.
>Uh.....your what?
>My dick, you see I was a having a little trouble with uh....hey wait a minute! I seem to have found it, hmm it's right here!
>Your uh....rubbing yourself...
>Yes, It's right here baby, all of it! Would you maybe be interested in taking a trip with me to here? Huh? You like watching that don't you, nerdy bitch! Here, i'm whipping this out, get those lips ready.
>Ok uh, I'm calling the police.

>> No.7490267
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7490267

>>7490021

>> No.7490269

>>7490253
Ur already overthinking it. Ask her to help you find w/e book u wanna read next.

>> No.7490271

>>7490253
The 120 Days of Sodom

>> No.7490273

>>7490016
literally a 4/10 at best
is this what passes for a 'qt' on 4chan nowadays? jesus christ.

>> No.7490276

>>7490253
The SCUM Manifesto

>> No.7490278

>>7490253
>Do you got any books about me slamming my dick into your fat ass?

>> No.7490288
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7490288

I've been thinking about this girl for more than a month already and imagine living a /lit/erary life in cozy Russia.

>> No.7490301

>>7490273
Would have better pics of her if I sneaked a pic but I'm not that much of a creep so there only a few photos of her on the library's Facebook page

>> No.7490338

>>7490045
>>7490258
>>7490278
Never change /lit/

>> No.7490424
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7490424

>>7490147
close. What you really need to say is "Your face is ugly. Unzip your dick"

That's how I met my wife

>> No.7490449

>>7490424
>wife

>> No.7490462

>>7490016

Do this, anon:

Say, "Hi."

(pause and wait for response.)

Her response will likely be, "Hi."

(start speaking again) "Can I ask you for some advice?" (again, pause and wait for response)

Her response will likely be, "Sure." (Depending on how ugly you are, she may hesitate for a second with an "um...sure," or an, "I guess...okay." Regardless, don't be discouraged, this is normal and nothing to worry about, particularly if you are ugly.)

(start speaking again) "I'm doing this Secret Santa thing and this year we're exchanging books. I don't know the girl I have to buy for very well and I just have no idea what to get. Is there anything you've read recently you'd recommend?"

Judging by her response, you'll instantly know 1 of 4 things.

1: Immediate response of, "No. Can't help. Sorry."

Move on. If she doesn't have the decency to have a brief conversation with someone, regardless of how ugly they are, particularly if she's working in a library and they ask for a book recommendation, then she's not worth your time. NOTE: This is actually the least likely response, no matter how ugly you are.

2: Immediate woman pleb tier response. "OMG YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GET HER STEPHANIE MEYER!" "Gosh I just read Amy Schumer's book and it is hysterical!"

Move on. Dropped. Not worth your time. NOTE: I said woman pleb tier. This is important and I'll touch on it in point 4.

3: Puts even a slight effort into thinking about a response. Even if she doesn't come up with an answer right away. Like, "Oh gosh...Hmm. I don't know? Um...well, maybe...um...? I don't know, you put me on the spot." Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

NOTE: This is the most likely response. Even if she doesn't have a response, she's still trying to THINK. For a woman, this is a good sign. She may even be embarrassed she can't think of anything right away. This is okay. This is human. Don't be discouraged. Tell her to think about it for a bit and you'll come back, or say, "Don't worry about it. If you think of something, will you let me know?"

4: Immediate man pleb tier response. Something like, "I just read Infinite Jest and really liked it."

She may be worth your time. Not for sure. But maybe.

IMPORTANT NOTE: pleb tier for women is much lower than it is for men because they have smaller brains. Consequently, man pleb tier is like the pinnacle of woman tier. That's okay. Any woman trying to compete on man level, you don't want anyway. They're no fun and provide no inspiration. There's a reason muses are women. Beautiful women. Muses don't have to work as hard and be better than what they were born with to get laid.

Regardless if she responds with 3 or 4, say, "Thanks for your help. What's your name?" (Extend your hand to shake hands.)

She'll respond with her name as she shakes your hand.

Say, "I'm (your name). Thanks again (her name)."

Now leave the library.

I am at the character limit. I will continue my advice later if you'd like.

>> No.7490477

>>7490462
I'd kek audibly if she did mention Infinite Jest

>> No.7490492

>>7490462
op do NOT take this advice, he's trolling you.

rather, ask her if she is an archaeologist

>> No.7490525

>>7490462
I would only add that instead of actually shaking her hand, grab her tit. Like, do it so fast that she isn't sure that it just happened.

>> No.7490530

>>7490016
she's gross lol

>> No.7490539

>>7490462
Fedorable.

>> No.7490560
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7490560

>>7490021

>> No.7490567
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7490567

>>7490021
bring it on m8

>> No.7490586
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7490586

>> No.7490616

>>7490016
I like that kinda of evil little expression of hers. Like, she's a librarian, but she's not a good girl. She's practically saying, "Dude....seriously, I'll eat your ass," with that expression.

>> No.7490825
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7490825

>>7490586
I was working on putting those concepts in my head into words, they really do work. Obviously not for normies but in the special snowflake culture, you can get away with a lot.

>> No.7491189

Stop over-analyzing it and just act brah.

>> No.7491256

>>7490539
Wonder where you got that from? Steve Harvey reddit thread perhaps?

>> No.7491387

>>7490016
well the first thing to do is to go home to /b/ or /soc/ or /r9k/ and ask them. then you just have to only post content related to actual books from now on or not post at all. She will absolutely love it!

>> No.7492531

>>r9k

>> No.7492700

>>7490462
>Do this, anon:
>Say, "Hi."
>(pause and wait for response.)
>Her response will likely be, "Hi."
>(start speaking again) "Can I ask you for some advice?" (again, pause and wait for response)
>Her response will likely be, "Sure." (Depending on how ugly you are, she may hesitate for a second with an "um...sure," or an, "I guess...okay." Regardless, don't be discouraged, this is normal and nothing to worry about, particularly if you are ugly.)
>(start speaking again) "I'm doing this Secret Santa thing and this year we're exchanging books. I don't know the girl I have to buy for very well and I just have no idea what to get. Is there anything you've read recently you'd recommend?"


This part actually isn't bad advice.

>> No.7492716

>>7490462
Please continue with your advice.

>> No.7492746

I am a cute/fit guy who worked in a library over summer.

I was approached by several girls ranging in ages (guessing) 15 to early 30s all clearly hitting on me with the pathetic
>hi
>question about books
>grabs arm and laughs,playful punches or pushing then smiles, flirty eyes, passing handwritten notes etc

It's not flattering, it's annoying, distracts you from what you're doing, and SUPER awkward because if you see them again they look like a kicked puppy.

I was approached by one dude also. He walks up:
>Listen, I don't know if you're single and I don't care
>If you want the best blowjob you will ever have
>I will be waiting in the first stall in 15minutes
He walks up face to face to me, makes deep eye contact and holds it for 15-20seconds, slowly leans in, then gives me a kiss on the forehead


I mean I'm not gay or anything, but that was the ballsiest way anyone has ever introduced themselves. He was really cute and also confident in his approach. I felt genuinely wanted that he would put himself out there like that and displayed physical intimacy that suggested his intentions.


I'm pretty sure the exact same approach would work on a girl.

>> No.7492748
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7492748

>Tfw you start coming out of your shell only to realize everyone is awkward.

Keep this in mind. Makes the whole thing less scary. People like interaction, conversation, friendliness. Now I enjoy socializing.

Be confident, mature, and friendly, and at the very least you can be friends.

Protip: this girl will not live up to any of your expectations and you will only be disappointed so you've got nothing to lose.

>> No.7492754

>>7492746
>I'm pretty sure the exact same approach would work on a girl.
pretty sure you'd have a sexual harassment case on your hands

>> No.7492756

Invoke Schopey, realize she is only a lust and engage her as so.

You'll only be let down when you find out she is nothing to what you really thought she was.

>> No.7492759

>>7492746
I want to work in a library. How was it?

>> No.7492770
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7492770

>>7492746
>I mean I'm not gay or anything
>He was really cute and also confident in his approach.
>I mean I'm not gay or anything

>> No.7492773

>>7492770
You forgot:

>gets annoyed when girls hit on him

>> No.7492785

>>7492759
My favorite part was restoring damaged books, refitting pages, rebinding, replacing damaged covers. It felt cathartic to take something that is almost 100 years old and give it a new life.

My least favorite part was dealing with a lost generation of people (geriatrics? near geriatrics?) who can't use the computer system and stumble around the place, rudely eating, drinking, coughing, sneezing and asking about the best books on 'investments' like I was some expert money manager they got on the cheap and knew all of the secrets.

We have a kid's section and they always make a mess, but I didn't really mind them that much, you would think being surrounded by noisy crying smelling children with dirty hands would be a nightmare, but it grows on you.

I would love to go into art history, restoration, museum type work in the future. But those jobs are very competitive. Imagine travelling through Europe and working in all the great museums, and libraries one can dream.

>> No.7492790

>>7492770
Sorry to burst your bubble I have a gf.

>> No.7492795

>>7490462

Schoppy here is actually making sense.

>> No.7492818

>>7490586
i've met this person :/

>> No.7492821

>>7492746
>I'm pretty sure the exact same approach would work on a girl.

>Listen, I don't know if you're single and I don't care
>If you want the best cunnilingus you will ever have
>I will be waiting in the first stall in 15minutes

Oh, oh please. Please, anon. Try this.

>> No.7492822

>>7492818
Do you mean IRL? Was it as disastrous as I think it would be?

>> No.7492825

>>7492821
>the best cunnilingus you will ever have


That's a very difficult promise to maintain desu.

>> No.7492826

>>7490021
>real life
lemme see your warface

>> No.7492829

>>7492822
there's some of them around universities and yeah semi-awful to interact with but they'll graduate to adulthood satisfied with their sexual conquests or whatever so good on them

>> No.7492837

>>7492821
>Listen, I don't know if you're single and I don't care
>I will eat you out like a retard on bath salts
>I will be waiting in the first stall in 15minutes

This will work better

>> No.7492843
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7492843

>>7492790
Sure buddy, whatever you say.

>> No.7492852

You're a disgrace. Please leave the board.

>> No.7492855

>>7492785
I might go for a book store like B&N because of my experience in sales. My one problem is I'm god awful at filing. I imagine you stock the books alphabetically. I've never been to B&N so I'm not sure but do they alphabetize all their shit? I imagine that would be part of the job. I may be dyslexic.

>> No.7492859

>>7492821
>cunnilingus
I feel like that's too *tip*y. Maybe"
>I'll eat you out better than a fat man at a buffet

>> No.7492865

This is not /lit/ related. Post on /r9k/ instead.

>> No.7492867

>>7492746

Post a pic of yourself bro.

I want to know how attractive you have to be to get unprovoked blowjob offers from confident gays.

>> No.7492896
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7492896

>>7492746
>>Listen, I don't know if you're single and I don't care
>>If you want the best blowjob you will ever have
>>I will be waiting in the first stall in 15minutes
holy fuck

>> No.7492921

>>7490492
"Are you an archaeologist? Because I have a bone for you to find :)"

>> No.7492933

>>7492716

Okay. I will continue because you asked nicely.

I hope my advice doesn't sound condescending. I'm genuinely trying to help because I know most of you are aspies who honestly don't know how to talk to women. And you're too afraid to ask the men in your life who know how, or you don't know any men in your life who know how.

I'm trying to help in a way you'll understand. Feel free to ask questions. Obviously, in text form, there are some limitations.