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/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Mon May 31 07:13:46 2010 No.732896 [Reply] [Original]

I just submitted this poem to a poetry contest. What do you guys think? Do I have any chance of winning?

Nighttime relics stir the maelstrom
As wonder and sorrow perverse every thought.
Can evening bring once more sublime rapture?
Only the morning knows.

Sullen dusk keeping watch over tranquility,
Extolls the flower yearning for daybreak.
Great chaos ignites and merges the darkness,
Our Sun's eternal splendor illuminating the nation.

Torn out of this sundered world,
As fires blaze through the annals of eternity,
Corruption creeps through the fog of war;
Welcome to the United World of Corporations.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:14:46 2010 No.732898 I refuse to believe that this is not a troll.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:16:46 2010 No.732902 >>732896 spelled 'extols' wrong, haha faggot

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:17:46 2010 No.732904 Op, this is pretty much just a bunch of words

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:18:46 2010 No.732905 >>732898 Its not a troll, I wrote this poem yesterday. Think its good enough to get any prize?

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:19:46 2010 No.732907 trooooooll

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:20:46 2010 No.732910 >>732905 Fuck off troll. No-one can write that badly and mean it seriously.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:21:46 2010 No.732912 >>732910 Well its been written and I just submitted it to a contest. Whats so bad about it?

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:22:46 2010 No.732915 No, you don't have a chance.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:26:46 2010 No.732919 Well thanks for making me feel horrible about my poem guys.

Anonymous Mon May 31 07:28:46 2010 No.732924

>>732912

Teardrops flow like migrating geese
from the rectum of my blackened soul.
An insufferable toil from my colon?
Silence can never assume.

My polyps quaver, ancient and vigilant,
Crafting music of life yet a sound of war.
I release a rambunctious cheese sneeze
From that throbbing cavern near my testes.

A gift of life for the polyps within me.
A warm breeze, passing, lost to time?
They pause, strengthened by the calming vapors.
Only to renew their efforts to destroy my intestinal lining.

THAT IS WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH IT

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:30:46 2010 No.732928 >>732912 What's wrong with it? It's just word-salad. It's like the language centre of your brain farted onto a page. There's no style, no heart, no brain - it's just words With the lines broken Up To make it look more poetic.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:30:46 2010 No.732929 File: 137 KB, 701x922, judgessay9.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>732924

Anonymous Mon May 31 07:33:46 2010 No.732935
File: 19 KB, 258x306, paris_giggle.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>Welcome to the United World of Corporations

Hahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahah

Ow wow.

You're good. Fuck man, you're sure to win. No, really, I mean it. That's so subtle and deep and wise and clever man.

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:36:46 2010 No.732943 Poetry contest? Poetry is something you live and breathe, not something you enter into a contest, for it to be 'rated', as if you can measure poetry on a scale. Get out, OP. Just go.

Anonymous Mon May 31 07:39:46 2010 No.732953

>>732896
Frankly, this is toilet-tier.

1st verse: Nighttime--shit better be stirring in a maelstrom. 2nd line makes no goddamn sense. How the fuck would the morning KNOW what the evening will bring?

2nd verse: Dusk. So now it is dusk. The flower yearns for daybreak but it isn't even night. Then we get chaos igniting in the darkness and in the next fucking sentence, you're talking about a land bathed in sun.

3rd verse: Second allusion to fire, possibly the 18th allusion to the time of day. Do you even know what the "fog of war" is? What the fuck is this Fight Club shit at the end.

I want to beat you so bad my dick is grinding it's teeth.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:44:46 2010 No.732957 >>732943 For someone who "lives and breathes poetry," you're kinda lacking in style. Also, will appreciate things however I damn well please.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 07:45:46 2010 No.732962 >>732924 See this post? There's a direction and message in each verse and in the total poem. Maybe you should submit this.

Anonymous Mon May 31 08:08:46 2010 No.732987

HOW CAN YOU STIR A MAELSTROM YOU FUCKING CRETIN - IT'S ALREADY IN TURBULENT MOTION.

YOU FUCKING REEK - MY ARSE HAS A HEADACHE FROM YOUR DREADFUL POETRY.

WHAT IS IT, DUSK OR DAYTIME OR NIGHT OR WTF? I SUPPOSE "ONLY THE MORNING KNOWS"

SO MUCH PATHETIC FALLACY, SO LITTLE STYLE, ZERO TALENT.

1/10

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:11:46 2010 No.732992 "Perverse" is not a verb. This is not a poem.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:12:46 2010 No.732993 File: 57 KB, 506x337, 88879045.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>732896 Never post again, OP. Never post again.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:12:46 2010 No.732994 File: 64 KB, 444x311, pipe.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>732992

Anonymous Mon May 31 08:17:46 2010 No.733001

>>732896
Hey, motherfucker! What the fuck was that?
It looks like you just squatted down and shat
right in my face. Now that won't fucking fly,
I've got your fucking faeces in my eye.
Here's what went down: you wrote this awful turd
(and clenched and strained each colon-spattered word)
in hope that someone here would praise your shit
"What kingly brownness! See the curve of it!"
Well, that won't happen. We've all read this farce
and know just what the 'poet' is: an ass.

Anonymous Mon May 31 08:19:46 2010 No.733004

>Pervert every thought,

not

>perverse every thought,

you fucking tard.

>Can evening bring once more sublime rapture?

I don't know, why not tell us?

>Only the morning knows.

Oh, so that was a waste of everyone's time then.

>Sullen dusk

You don't know what sullen means, do you?

>Extolls the flower yearning for daybreak.

My mind is now full of fuck

>Our Sun's eternal splendor illuminating the nation

At least the flower didn't have to yearn for long then

>Torn out of this sundered world,

What is, you fucking idiot?

>As fires blaze through the annals of eternity,

Anals of eternity, amirite? I've no idea what this means.

>Corruption creeps through the fog of war;
>Welcome to the United World of Corporations.

What the fuck does this have to do with the rest of the poem? It's just tacked on pseudo-intellectual bullshit.

This is toilet. I think the judges of the competition will just send it back with an email saying mwahahahahahaha

Or they'll wipe their arse with it, then post it back to you.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:20:46 2010 No.733008 >>733004 >>733001 assmind

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:20:46 2010 No.733009 There was a young man called Anon, Who's poem was 12 lines too long He wrote some old shite That started a fight And I need to buy a new bong

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:23:46 2010 No.733011 There once was a united world Beneath corporate banners unfurled in maelstrom of night, Great chaos ignites And OP has never been with a girl

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:32:46 2010 No.733023 >>732896 OP where is this poetry contest? I am going to submit every poem in this thread that isn't yours.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:45:46 2010 No.733031 Once upon a time there was a foolish anon Who attempted to write poetry all day long /lit/ was displeased he was forced to his knees and ass raped by 4chan's huge cock.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:49:46 2010 No.733033 >>733009 >>733011 >>733031 The second one of these is pretty good. I still like mine, though.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:53:46 2010 No.733036 Sorry OP, I hurt my brain just trying to work out what the hell your poem is about. >United World of Corporations. WHATTHEFUCKAMIREADING.jpg.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:54:46 2010 No.733039 Lesson learned: Post your shit and you get responses After the Face. It would have also helped if OP posted a pic that didn't imply outward hostility.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:56:46 2010 No.733042 >>733039 Regardless of what pic OP used, I'm pretty sure /lit/ still would've raped him. Never change /lit/.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 08:59:24 2010 No.733052 File: 38 KB, 256x300, 3970387624_59dd6153d3[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Where can I pirate readings of English poetry from between the 14-19 century?

Anonymous Mon May 31 09:00:46 2010 No.733053

Spanked By Anon, the ill-gifted poet
Slinks back to his basket
Under unforgiving night, lit by harsh flames
Of anonymity and criticality

From Dusk to Dawn to unforgiving night
The Poem wavers, drunken and riddled
With crabs and scratching itself through
Hours like a mangy dog awaiting the vet

Thrown into a crippled and broken world
The poet's baby dies before the pit bulls
Of critique, uncorrupted by academy
Welcome to the disunited fragment of Anon.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 09:00:46 2010 No.733054 >>733031 Genius.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 09:21:46 2010 No.733100 >>733039 >After the Face. Sorry dude, but I don't get you.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 09:28:46 2010 No.733118 >>733100 Shitty /lit/ meme springing from an even shittier author who misspelt 'after the fact'.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 09:54:46 2010 No.733154 >>733053 laugh out loud goodness

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 09:58:46 2010 No.733166 OP here. If I manage to win the contest, ill send you guys a picture of my award or a video of me reading it in front of an audience. Ill know in about two or three days whether or not I have won. You guys just dont understand my poem is all.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 09:59:46 2010 No.733172 Every single poem in here is better than OP's. Shit, /lit/ should enter.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 10:01:46 2010 No.733175 >>733166 >implying that we don't understand your poem because it's "deep," and not because it's awfully written.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 10:06:46 2010 No.733181 D: Bad. OP, I hope you weren't actually expecting to win with a poem like that. I call troll.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 10:44:46 2010 No.733237 this thread is epic bread, lets archive it

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 10:45:46 2010 No.733238 /lit/ needs it own poets society.

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 10:48:46 2010 No.733243 4chanarchive.org

>>	Anonymous Mon May 31 11:13:46 2010 No.733271 There once was a poster on /lit/ Who's poem was utter shit He submitted it for a contest And thus started the trollfest I've read better poetry on /fit/

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