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/lit/ - Literature

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728586 No.728586 [Reply] [Original]

So /lit/. Tell us something about your novel. Impress us.

>> No.728591
File: 28 KB, 298x361, PretentiousPanda.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
728591

yes please do /lit/

>> No.728600

>>728591

Yes, please listen to the kind of panda, sir.

>> No.728610

An aardvark, large snouted, light skinned, nocturnal, non-confrontational, faces the toughest decision of his life: he has two aardvark wives to choose from and only three weeks to make his decision. Both of the she-aardvarks are beautiful, smart, enthusiastic, ready for the future, ready for motherhood, eager for children, zestful for life.

The novel is an examination of the aardvark decision-making process, informed by human psychology translated into aardvark mind by a scientific understanding of the aardvark brain.

>> No.728613

I guy ends up in a post-apocalyptic future, courtesy of his time travelling cat.

>> No.728620
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728620

>>728613

>> No.728619

I fancy collections of short stories considerably more.

>> No.728623

a guy ana hoceky team adn he gets drunk...

>> No.728625
File: 144 KB, 476x375, gramatik.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
728625

>>728623

Wat?

>> No.728642

Bump for interest in the writers of lit.

>> No.728654

It's pretty dang epic. I'd tell you but it would only get stolen. Sorry, /lit/.

>> No.728667

A lady bug, really a girl bug, knows that she will soon become a woman lady bug. The man lady bugs have been staring, noticing her widening hips, her burgeoning breasts, her swaying walk, her curvy thighs, her shapely calves. She blushes at their attention, at their looks, at their whistles, at the brushing of their bodies against hers as they walk by. Her mother encourages her to find a man bug mate. Who should she choose? How should she choose? The transition from girl to woman is tough. It's even tougher when you are beautiful and have wings.

>> No.728675

>>728654

I bet your plot is a completely piece of shit.

>> No.728696

I'm writing a political book about how Obama is the devil and he's a stupid commie. I don't believe that, but the market for these books is huge right now and I'm cashing in. Most of my material I'm just taking straight from /new/ and other internet boards infested with conservatards. These idiots will buy anything as long as it has an anti-Obama message with implicit racist undertones. Just from shopping the first chapter around I've already got two publishers interested. I'm writing it under a pseudonym for obvious reasons. I want to have a real writing career after this gravy train stops paying out when the conservatard anger returns to pre-black president levels.

>> No.728705
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728705

>>728696

>> No.728712

I'm writing a murder mystery, except everyone is a vampire

>> No.728716
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728716

>>728712

>> No.728717

>>728667
Hello God, Are You There? It's Me, Jalrax.

>> No.728720

>>728712

No... No.... NO THIS AGAIN! NOOOOOOOO--

>> No.728722

>>728696
You're going to fail miserably because you need to be able to tap into the deep fears and beliefs of these people and manipulate them emotionally if you want to sell shit like that. It actually takes a lot of talent, in a weird way.

>> No.728729

>>728722

Oh, I'm doing my research. I understand their fears and their belief system perfectly. When I was a kid, I was raised by these people. I know them from the inside out. Manipulating them is easy. Lots of people do it. The entire right wing media is doing it for fun and profit every single day. The right wing political organization is more like a giant book market. Once you're inside and plugging your book, you're golden. Every radio host brings you in and sells your book for you. Right wing American politics is all about book deals and merchandizing. It's amazingly easy to get into. I hardly had to do anything to get publishers interested. This is by far the easiest money maker in the publishing industry today, besides romance novels, but that market is too saturated already.

>> No.728730

>>728729
Okay cool, if you know what you're doing, you're golden.

You just sounded like you were just vomiting right wing propaganda onto the page, which I think would probably fail if not done skillfully.

>> No.728735
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728735

>> No.728740

>>728730

Well vomiting out propaganda is the essence of it, but you've got to be more subtle than that. These books start off fairly reasonable and ramp up the hate and propaganda as the book goes on. You want your reader to get through the first chapters without any red flags going off in their minds. By the end of the book, you want them frothing at the mouth and screaming for more. It's the secret of right wing political writing. It's how Anne Coulter, Limbaugh, Beck and the rest do it. I'm using their tried and true formula and plugging in a few tidbits of my own.

>> No.728772

An aspiring author who is torn between finishing his masterpiece and 4chan.

>> No.728784

Florid, page-long descriptions of the hats worn by the characters

Rampant misuse of 'hence' and 'heretofore'

>> No.728797

>>728784
I'd read this. I love hats.

>> No.728823

two reality bending detectives,
their ressurected enemy,
a murderous gigolo,
his psychotic lover,
her affable husband,
and a mysterious stranger
all cross paths during a murder....

>> No.728861

looks like /lit/ is pretty damn uncreative.

>> No.728916

I want to write a collection of stories from the perspective of a very nosy garbage man who sifts through peoples trash. Finding fucked up shit and keeping little memorabilia in his hovel of an apartment. I dunno maybe some investigator gets a lead and goes to his place and asks about things in the room all of which seem normal but are really parts to really fucked up stories that the garbage man pieces together from other things found in the trash. please be kind /lit/ I just want to entertain

>> No.728938

It's like the matrix, but with moar raep.

>> No.728951

>>728938
Sounds like something I want to read!

>> No.728974

>>728861

I dunno, I thought that 728613, 728784 and 728916 had potential.

>> No.728999

A group of assassins known as the Red Sixes, who take their codenames fto historical figures, are being killed off...one...by...one.
A member must find the killer before they are all gone...and all points lead to it being one of them.

>> No.729017

>>728999
sounds like a segal movie

unoriginal, boring and just pile of action on top of a stupid plot

>> No.729050

I would post mine but I don't trust you fuckers.

>> No.730143
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730143

Op here.

Self Bump

All this plots suck.

/lit/ writers disappointed me.

>> No.730170

A man ponders his existentential existence.
...reads a book about himself and explodes. Children crawl from the sewers and eat his innards like candy, they are candy. The book says on the front of it "Pinata."

The end.

>> No.730176

>>728916
I think I would like to read this.

As for my own, all I'll say is that it's a venture into redemption of the self through the discovery of a dead loved one's past. Also, pirates.

>> No.730179

Plots suck.

/lit/ writers disappointed me.

>> No.730180

A drug addict whose life is going nowhere recalls his past life while he talks to Pacman when he's high.

>> No.730192

>>730143

this is not correct French

>> No.730197

People shooting guns
i'll think out the rest during writing

>> No.730202

A panda wants to kill himself when he realises he's a panda, but his dark plans change when he meets a friendly awkward giraffe named Patty.

>> No.730206

>>730170
deep like evangelion

>> No.730212

Think Les Miserables meets Battlefield Earth, as told by Charles Bukowski.

Got it?

My novel's not even close to that. It's actually a conventional Western.

>> No.730224

Ass-shaped goblins from space who are nazis keep human children in death camps and turn them into food. The action takes place in Aushwitz.

>> No.730238
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730238

>>730224
sorry, too late

>> No.730252

>>728586

This is why I don't talk to "writers." It's as if they believe the story itself is going to impress anyone. If Cormac McCarthy told you, "Well, my book 'Child of God' is about an Appalachian necrophiliac who has a shit time getting along with people," anyone would say it was shit.

>> No.730254

It takes place during WW2. Some German nationalists/racists want to kill all the Jews. They put them in ghettos and eventually send them in death camps.

It's part historical (the WW2) and part fictionnal (the holocaust).

>> No.730263

>>730254

I lol'd.

>> No.730268
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730268

>>730252
>It's part historical (the WW2) and part fictionnal (the holocaust).

>> No.730270

>>730254
>and part fictionnal (the holocaust).

Idiot. It's fictional, with one n.

>> No.730271

>>730252

great, another one of those who believes literature is more than entertainment.

>> No.730281

>>730271
Heretic! Stinky popculture filth that cannot understand the true art of word that can take you to the higher state and make expirience the absolute!

>> No.730311
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730311

>49 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

It's like I'm really on deviant art!

>> No.730319

>>730311
>implying 49 is much

>> No.730320

>>730270
Sorry if you didn't understand :s

>> No.730325

CLICHE

Epic fantasy
Same style as WOT in the sense that the past was even more epic
Two big countries going to war, I'm thinking of doing a medieval/WW1 trenchhole war
I hate myself for this, but one of the characters has demonic ancestry and rage powers
LOTS of magic, spirits, otherworldly beasts etc
Gay characters

Lots of other CLICHE stuff

>> No.730326

>>730319
it would be a miracle if a thread discussing a book got that many replies

>> No.730336

I only write essays ;__;


I lack the creative vein for anything else.

>> No.730355

It's about seventy pages so far.

>> No.730360

its about a naive mailman who becomes involved with a bar skank that enlists him as a courier for her drug dealer friend.

>> No.730361

>>730224
>>730170

COMBINE THESE TWO!

>> No.730365

A man travels back in time to the french revolution, and stays in an apartment directly beneath Marat's, who is in hiding.

HOWEVER he soon realizes that the unpasteurized milk of the past makes him ill and he abuses his power of time travel to gather pastuerized milk and other modern amenities from the future. He gets lazy and empty plastic milk jugs begin to accumulate in his apartment. Charlotte Corday accidentally runs into his apartment while searching for Marat and sees all this weird shit. Weird things start happening, not sure if he is hallucinating or he has fucked up the past/fabric of time by being a lazy ass.

It's about as historically accurate and over the top as Rambo.

>> No.730375

>>728916
I'm going to steal your idea.

>> No.730378
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730378

>>730311

>> No.730386

Well, mine's about a young man who ages incredibly slow-like, and his mysterious powers over the dead. The book starts out by barely explaining his origin, and him growing up through two hundred years of abuse, attempted suicides, and generally being a lonely anti-social fuckhead.

Anyways, the plot grows into one of those "Find where you belong", with hints of "Betrayed by the Pack".

It's lame, I know.

>> No.730392
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730392

>>730311
fuck this nigga

>> No.730411

A man stares out a window, and sighs. He closes the window. He has to get good tips, tonight.

>> No.730417
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730417

I lost the hope in /lit/. I am disappoint.

>> No.730465
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730465

A pilgrim frigate speeds through the universe searching for god. During their frantic search they stumble upon a dead ship a lifeless relic of a lost civilization from an unknown century. The pilgrims search the ship and find signs of war inside. They discover a cryo room which is filled with hundreds of frozen men and women. The pilgrims crack the timeless tombs to try and wake the frozen men and women. They only manage to wake three men, the rest die within a minute of reawakening.

I don't want to spoil the rest.

>> No.730471

I'm writing a novel on how life is just a prolonged chemical reaction.

I'm writing a porno that uses nothing but God Of War soundtracks.

>> No.730622

bump

>> No.730624

>>730622
sage

>> No.730634

>>730624
bump

>> No.730683

>>730471
Ahahahahaha
>>728729
You are a genius, a horrible genius.