Critique thread

[Anonymous No.7215372]

The trickling tide of fortune sometimes ebbs slowly. It meets with occasional barriers of boisterous worth, and reaches its haven of intent too often with obstruction. Its waters drip on the proud and humble, the mighty and pitiful, the meek and unholy, and refuse to overlook even the weary and careworn confined in the cell. It ceases not to store within its waters of wonder intricate windings of wealth and poverty, triumph and torture, joy and misery, and does not hesitate at any time to safely deposit its various burthens on the numerous beaches along which it must pass.

When almost a year of Sam Hyde’s private imprisonment was about drawing to a close, he was beginning to partly believe the truth of his boyfriend’s dogmatic remarks. He had strongly been endeavouring during this time to arrive at some possible means of communication with /lit, a much-loved board, whose service the communists still retained; but every endeavour he yet formed proved absolutely vain. He often thought had he been attended by any of the household staff, only him on whom he never could dream to rely, he might have made good his escape long since; but being watched and visited so regularly by the Tolerance Police, he felt his task much more difficult of performance than at first imagined. Sometimes he would bring his table close to the window and mount on its shaky leaf, then step into the great window-sill, pull out his handkerchief and rub the puny panes to try and catch a glimpse of nature and probably chance to see some of the politically correct mafia agents pass.

[Anonymous No.7215423]

>>7215372
Not too big a fan of alliteration, but the one that stood out to me as a little weird was
>waters of wonder


Johuistance Rheiggannorre finds himself averring such a pleasantry as the chieftdom's ruler ordered his compliance of. Therefore, such a dissention led Rheiganoerre to find himself in a state of abandonment, thusly endeavored away from the pitious warmth of the grasp of societies subtle embrace of companionship. Johuistiance led himself away from the predicament with infallaciousness, therefore developing in his very inner being of self the desire to elucidate the crimes of the cheiftdom against him, and, in incredulous fact, against all those anti-bourgiouse peasantry who had opposed the bishopric's transfer of power away from the traditional circumference. Thusly, one such peasant-traveler passed upon the path of Rheigganorre as he made it's way accross the barren wastelands of such a land. A creature as destitute as he was therefore under-elated at the arrival of a stranger of the likes of him, and therefore this peasant came upon Rheiggannore as he found himself ponderring these contentions. One word from the peasant's mouth spellt death for the poor soul, as Rheiggannore was a tiger, and he found himself deliverating these issues with a stomach as empty as a recently emptied bucket.

[Anonymous No.7215433]

>>7215423
i realize this passage is quiet dense, but it's intended for a sophisticated audience

[Anonymous No.7215459]

>>7215423
I don't think this is an actual critique thread but just more Samposting that will be snuffed out by the next available janitor

[Anonymous No.7215469]

>>7215423
next paragraph
the tiger Jouhistace Reaghanorre's heart was overwhelmed by the desire to right the wrongs of humankind with the absolution of a true and devoted activist, and therefore he found himself setting out on such a mission as he prescribed to himself to follow: he would progress towards the goals he outlined in his heart, which were to treat humanity as though they were all one in the same with each other, and additionally to make quite certain of the possibility that one should be free to pursue one's own intuitive passions of creativity, and therefore not be restricted by the anti-proletariat discrepancies in the "upper echelons" of the upper substrata of societal underpinnings. it therefore became clear to rheaggannorre that one tiger alone would be incapable of developing with such a task, and so he found himself in need of some assistance. it was for this reason that johuistance found himself recruiting the patronage of one Andolusarian Arrandarman, a Cretan nobleman of the proletariat of Crete. He was found by Rheiggannorre as he lifted his fishing spear from the nearby pond with a fish on it.

[Anonymous No.7215484]

>>7215459
wait, is this actually Sam Hyde? lol

[Anonymous No.7215485]

Even though I knew it was impossible, I thought about what it must be like to be in love with a woman like that. A woman who, for her job, heck, for her life, reads and thinks. And not only reads and thinks but talks about reading and thinking. I remember watching a video of her once speaking at some reading festival, and her saying something like, “I don’t think I’m smart enough to read David...I think I’m probably the dumbest person on this panel.” The way she said it really made me believe it, and I wondered what it would be like to be in love with someone like that, who when you do something really backwards and nasty doesn’t just read you and think about you and what you said and how it was really backwards and nasty, but how she thinks to herself, “He’s probably just smarter than me, everyone is probably smarter than me.” I think I would like someone like that, always thinking that everyone else is smarter than them.


Now I have both my hands over my head, working and working this branch of an Osage tree, the thinner limb in my left hand and a drywall knife in my right hand. Osage trees can really be the damndest things, hard as rock and wet, the knife gets all gummed-up and there’s still a little sawdust coming down into my eyes. I look at the ground to keep the sawdust out of my eyes and she says through my earbuds, “You wonder what happens to that type of love, how it always seems to perfect, but all of the sudden it’s three years later and you get a divorce.” So I guess she’s been divorced. I can sorta tell she tried to keep it together, I think she really did. “All of the sudden it’s three years later and you get a divorce.” She says it that way on purpose, like she must have been married for three years, like it wasn’t a divorce that she wanted, but it was a divorce she got.


I got that Osage branch down finally and left it in the yard to dry, on account of it probably wouldn’t die very soon if I put it under the shade of the deck. I went inside and took a cold shower and got some socks out of the dryer and sent an email to a classmate I went to dinner with a week or two ago, she writes poems too. I lent her a copy of a Kafka short story and I told her to tell me what she thinks of it and I sent her a poem about being an oilman for the summer and how I feel like we rape the earth in a very official sort of way. She hasn’t responded yet, so I sent her a message and said, “I’m sorry if the language of my poem offended you,” and then later another one that said, “But I stand by my artistic choices.”

[Anonymous No.7215491]

>>7215469
next paragraph (all I've got so far)
This time the future of humanity as decided by the fateful decisions of the most eloquent council of Pfarraande was developed into the mind of Rheaggannoire as the most important issue at the course of hand. it was for this reason that the tiger Rheiggannore of Antioch was on his mission to defend the poorer of the classes of society as his goal. He therefore made his way towards the cheiftdom, finding himself in need of the uttermost mental assuredness, which he was able to extract from the company of the most esteemed Andolusarian of Crete, who was a nobleman-turned-rebel in camaeraderie with Johuistance. After the pair arrived inside the outskirts of the city, it was there that they entered the diverse inn which presented itself as the most welcoming to all travellers intense upon staying in the outermost portions of the town.

[Anonymous No.7215508]

>>7215491
you got me sam...I bit.

[Anonymous No.7215522]

>>7215508
background on the sam/samposting thing you're referring to?

[Anonymous No.7216340]

yeah
I don't know

a pungent geyser of piss leapt forth
the force of it pierced the depths of the already present piss
forcing up a frothy mass as the bottle neared capacity

how the fuck did it get on my hand
why the fuck didn't it come off on my pants
now it's on my other fucking hand

[Anonymous No.7216355]

hand sanitizer
rub rub rub
it doesn't go away

[Anonymous No.7216404]

>>7215522
Sam Hyde. It's either comedy folded by irony a thousand times, or a very heartfelt man screaming at the world, depending on who you ask.

[Anonymous No.7216418]

>>7215522
a person who has made it their lifes aim to embody the phrase "jokes on you i was just pretending to be retarded"

[Anonymous No.7216421]

>>7216404
sam hyde is a genius. I don't agree with much of his politics, but I admire his balls.

Anyway

Mid-sip he tastes it. "Oh my god." Saturated grains of coffe beans, the dregs of the batch. Hidden under the top 70% of liquid, the truth now brutally clear. His final gulp spoils all that came before. "And it's the second time in two days!" he tries to tell his colleagues, but they don't care. They don't feel as slighted by it as he does. "At a euro a cup you get what you pay for!" his buddy says, "You can't have it both ways".

Is he really naive for expecting a certain level of drinkability from his cheap coffee? Surely he's entitled to some sort of legal recourse? So he goes to the women in the canteen. He complains, raises his voice, quotes legislation. People are looking. They offer give him a refund, but that's not enough to quell him. There's talk of solicitors. "It's only a cup of coffee!" they say. "Well it was the worst cup of coffee I've ever had", says he, "and you're going to do something about it".

Then something crosses his mind - if this is the worst cup he'd ever had, what was the best? It was a boutique latte from a boutique double decker bus/cafe at a boutique music festival the previous summer. He thinks it's odd that two lifetime benchmarks could be set within months of one another. "If coffee is that fickle," he wonders, "is it worth getting that riled up about it?" He fells embarassment burn his face red. "I'm after making a bit of an arse out of myself, aren't I?" he asks himself. He gets his answer from the faces of the canteen ladies. With no grace left to preserve, he breaks off mid-sentence and runs back to his desk.