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/lit/ - Literature

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7192437 No.7192437 [Reply] [Original]

Write the best opening sentence you can.

>> No.7192441

>>7192437
Obama McDonald’s reclines into his easy chair. He raises a hand to his face, pinching the fingers at the chin. The other hand is planted, firmly, on his computer mouse. The cursor is planted into the search box. Obama lowers a hand to the keyboard, typing the words, “Edgy Teens for Edgy Memes”. The page’s profile picture is a black kid with really bad teeth. A smile spreads across Obama’s face and it spreads and it spreads and it spreads and it spre

>> No.7192442

Anon be sit in his room recordibg vocaroo of a screamibg frog nobody around really understood when his mom yell 'JON WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING IN THERE.' He knew getting tendies will never again be as easy as before.

>> No.7192445

>>7192437
Beams of clementine poured through the Venetian blinds, blinding OP as he choked on several cocks.

>> No.7192475

>>7192445
/thread

>> No.7192479

Call me Ishmael.

>> No.7192529

Charlie was six years old when he discovered the smell of burning roses.

>> No.7192543

>>7192529
This would surely catch the reader's attention, but I feel like it could only lead to an edgy/tryhard story...

>> No.7192550

>>7192437
Dr.Pavel, I'm CIA

>> No.7192561

"'fuck me right in the pussy" she said to me, and i was happy to, even if she was pregnant, and even if she was my sister, and even if the child was probably mine, and indeed possibly not only despite these reasons, but possibly because of those reasons' i told my son, many years later.

>> No.7192578

Once upon a RHYME psh psh bapa psh psh chicka chicka what chicka what psh psh what psh psh psh chicka what psh psh what what psh psh psh.

>> No.7192588

And then he woke up

>> No.7192598

"For you" said the big guy

>> No.7192606

>>7192529
the opening sentence is dead because of shit like this

It's all about the opening scene

>> No.7192622

>>7192529
Best in thread, but that doesn't say much
>>7192561
GRRM fanboi?
>>7192441
Did you just press the center button on your cell phone over and over again?

>> No.7192650

>>7192529
saccharine faggots will love this.
>>7192606
Opening sentences can still be great even though the opening scene is prob overall more important. PKD has a few great ones. "Horselover Fat’s nervous breakdown began the day he got the phonecall from Gloria asking if he had any Nembutal."

>> No.7192652

What I'm writing today begins

>At two twenty in the afternoon the day did not at all look like John had envisioned it.

I think it draws a curiosity

>> No.7192661

Dad's draped and dormant form rolled once over through the smoke, the tip of his elbow a mountain rising static from fog, a low bass-rumble issued from beneath the roiling, flexing covers, the indecipherable voice of a stony folk-god wholly apathetic to the house burning down and the suppliant cries of his only surviving child

>> No.7192680

>>7192652
2:20 is a very undramatic time. Make it 3:00, the hour of Jesus' death

>> No.7192691

>>7192680
on the hour seems lazy. it was 2:20 when i wrote it, which is important. it seems undramatic for jesus to die inthe middle of the afternoon, i didn't know that

>> No.7192698

>>7192661
no thats a follow up to an opening sentence

>> No.7192699

>>7192652
>>7192680
>not 4:20

>> No.7192712

>>7192622
>Did you just press the center button on your cell phone over and over again?

No.

>> No.7192725

it was a dark and stormy night

>> No.7192755

>>7192437
"No."

>> No.7192759

>>7192691
It was after a long walk under the hot sun

>> No.7192774

On a hill in the sky there lived a skobbit. The story you are about to hear is in all ways original, breathtaking, involves orcs even if they're called something obscene like Brah'yahhiia'comma,loma or something, elves called something like Hraethguardeaerdians, one crown to rule them all, a giant tower with a burning ear that can hear you if you wear the crown, and Mr. T. With that disclaimer, may we begin our story?

>> No.7192780

The door opened.

>> No.7192787

As the hero of our story abandoned the hospital that harbored him despite his complete lack of disease, he made sure to pause momentarily and strike a pose for the cameras on the wall, which, unknown to him, only existed as symbolic guard against those healthy patients who insisted on escape and in fact were entirely useless.

>> No.7192837

>>7192787
shit syntax my man

>> No.7192838

>>7192437
I had been depressed for a long time.

>> No.7192840

It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday, and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me.

>> No.7192844

It's in the year of my 40th birthday that I became completely mad.

>> No.7192849
File: 26 KB, 512x288, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7192849

>>7192437
The end.

>> No.7192851

>>7192837
Yeah you're probably right.

What about it in particular seemed cringeworthy ?

>> No.7192856

> We've both been rejected by the world. We both feel the same threat. And yet...here we are, fated to kill each other in the end.

>> No.7192858

Generic fantasy mercenary is in trouble again, but he barely escapes.

>> No.7192877

>>7192441
>spre
I was really hoping this was a word

>> No.7192937

riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.

>> No.7192980

>>7192937
ayy lmao

>> No.7192998

I was twenty. I won't let anyone say those are the best years of your life.

>> No.7193000

Fiat lux.

>> No.7193028

I am screaming, coming across stately, plump Buck Mulligan above the stairhead in a sky office surrounded by heads and bodies.

>> No.7193047

>>7192479

Call me the best of times; call me the worst of times.

>> No.7193081

>>7192479
Which title are you going to give to it?

>> No.7193093

>>7192437
I awoke, the ground materializing hard and stony under me

>> No.7193104

Quondam fuit senex: ei duae filiae erant.

>> No.7193107

>>7192851
"the cameras...were entirely useless" has way too much bullshit in between. It will probably be fine if you just split the sentence in half.

>> No.7193111

>>7192998
makes no sense because you can't be 20 for multiple years

>> No.7193186

"There is no such thing as magic", I told myself as I held her cold legs, futilely trying to get her body to stop floating against the ceeling.

>> No.7193329

I even have to have pictured of the great lattice, through my paper scratching walls, wherein out, with which continuous to coloured bubbles, popping lights had been gone long to be coming and even going here and there, for eternity

>> No.7193370

GET OUT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>> No.7193385

A screaming came across the sky.

>> No.7193407

The Martian is a meme.

>> No.7193563

All Gaul is divided into three parts, one of which the Belgae inhabit, the Aquitani another, those who in their own language are called Celts, in ours Gauls, the third.

>> No.7194616
File: 54 KB, 850x400, quote-j-avais-vingt-ans-je-ne-laisserai-personne-dire-que-c-est-le-plus-bel-age-de-la-vie-paul-nizan-125369.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7194616

>>7193111
Yeah, it's a famous opening in french by Paul Nizan.
Hard to translate. I looked it up, and yeah it still doesn't sound right. Literally, he says "the best age of life", le plus bel âge de la vie.

>> No.7194694

>>7193104
I smell a best-seller on the latin book charts.

>> No.7194970

ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE is scrawled in blood red lettering on the side of the Chemical Bank near the corner of Eleventh and First and is in print large enough to be seen from the backseat of the cab as it lurches forward in the traffic leaving Wall Street and just as Timothy Price notices the words a bus pulls up, the advertisement for Les Miserables on its side blocking his view, but Price who is with Pierce & Pierce and twenty-six doesn’t seem to care because he tells the driver he will give him five dollars to turn up the radio, “Be My Baby” on WYNN, and the driver, black, not American, does so.

>> No.7194989

Every morning for the past eight years I have sat down here, in this chair, and written this single sentence, trying to get it write.

>> No.7195029

"Mieux mort que endormi", old Demidov once said to me, and his words, like the foreseeing of an augure, never left my thoughts since.

>> No.7195047

>>7192437
I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them, as they were both in duty equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when they begot me; had they duly considered how much depended upon what they were then doing; that not only the production of a rational Being was concerned in it, but that possibly the happy formation and temperature of his body, perhaps his genius and the very cast of his mind; and, for aught they knew to the contrary, even the fortunes of his whole house might take their turn from the humors and dispositions which were then uppermost; Had they duly weighed and considered all of this, and proceeded accordingly, I am verily persuaded I should have made quite a different figure in the world, from that in which the reader is likely to see me.

>> No.7195052

>>7195047
Who does this autism belong to?

>> No.7195053

Sometimes you have to learn how to shit quickly, rather than comfortably.

>> No.7195071

>>7195052
Laurence Sterne

>> No.7195080

i loooooOOOOOOOOOVVVVVE YUMMY CUMMMMMMM, yes-yes-yes, yep-yep-yep, i do absolutely LOOOOOOoooooovvvvve YUMMMMMY YUMMMMMMMYYYYY CUMMMMMMMM and i suck it down n slurp it down like a GOOD LILTTLE DUMB-DUMB who loves loves da CUM-CUM, teeeheeeheeeeeeeee!!

>> No.7195092

>>7194616
"time"

>> No.7195094

>>7192437
Ah, stimming in a suburban sewer.

>> No.7195098

>>7195092
Not my fault the official translation fucked this up.

>> No.7195111

>>7192725
and all the birds...

were dead...

>> No.7195134

When he saw the challenge to make up a good opening line for a story on his favorite online anime discussion board, he pounced upon the opportunity to post the actual opening line of a real book as a joke.

>> No.7195139

I notice literature profs tend to have a fetish about openers, and last sentence.
It doesn't matter that much tbh.

>> No.7195164

Jarring silence feel on deaf ears as the neon sign's last gasps for life petered out, leaving the Crusty Nigger Motel's sparse lot in near total darkness.

>> No.7195179

Birdlike bastards bunted before buying big booty bitches.

>> No.7195181

The moonlight shone down on the place, unhindered. The gnarled parapets jagged upwards, like a bony hand of icy indifference. In the background there was a pigeon. Who knew how long the place had stood there? 40 years? 50 years? Tempus immemoria, i.e. always? But it was a bad place, that much was certain. A very bad place indeed.

>> No.7195189

Muchos años después, Aureliano Buendía, hielo, etc...

>> No.7195207

>>7192437
The story goes like this:

>> No.7195221

"The best opening sentence you can."

>> No.7195269

>>7192437
Listen here because I'm only going to tell this story once

>> No.7195279
File: 124 KB, 600x832, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7195279

the wait up there nearly killed us

>> No.7195293

>>7192437
"Milles merci, mademoiselle."

>> No.7195345
File: 105 KB, 459x344, bad dum.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7195345

>>7195221

>> No.7195360

>>7195221
Carlos you fuckin spic

>> No.7195577

Before you start reading this, I wanna warn you: don't. Not because it could kill you or anything, well it will depending on definitions, but because it's a total waste of time. Really, I'm not trying reverse psych here or anything, books are pointless; you oughta just go out into life, which is even more vacuous, so see you don't need books! And let's be honest here, who'd read a novel about the end of the world anyway these days? It's not like we haven't read it before and we all already know well enough we're gonna die, right? Like, c'mooon, I see clocks at every minute, let alone hour, I just wanna spend my time as fast as can be now. Really, put it down, walk away, no one wants to know what a magical H-bomb feels like, much less the secrets of the universe or something dumb such as. Pssh, a bunch of words's gonna tell You, the Reader what to think, yeah, like you can't just have your own interpretation and the author's still kicking about and not resting in maggots; right, 'cause this thing is sooo hard to read huh, gonna feel real smart getting all them references and difficult lexicons, ah-huh, and you're still reading.

>> No.7195611

On one random night in early October, Maxine, feeling thirty but only twenty-two, mustered up the courage to turn to Jules, who naked and wet and laying beside her, and say to him: "Tomorrow you pack up your shit."

>> No.7195668

Ordinary people don't deserve dramatic deaths.

>> No.7195675

>>7192937
No joke, this is the best one. Masturbating over opening sentences is pointless after FW.

>> No.7195682

>>7192578
>actual excerpt from Finnegans Wake

>> No.7195686

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."

Try to top that faggots, the opening line from my latest novel, '1985'.

>> No.7195692

>>7195668
>>7195611
>>7195577
all shitty

>>7195029
good (probably stolen)

these are a few a proper openings:
>In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains.

>When the course of civilization takes an unexpected turn - when, instead of the continuous progress which we have come to expect, we find ourselves threatened by evils associated by us with past ages of barbarism - we naturally blame anything of ourselves.

>In the evenings. after he finished his rounds, Mason would often carry his chessboard down to the Champ de Mars and wait for a match on one of the concrete benches.

Good opening sentences set a scene, a tone, and let the reader know instantly what is going on. Don't say your age or the age you were when you started, it's retarded.

>> No.7195694

>>7192437
"I was alone but so was the world."

>> No.7195695

>>7195692
>blame anything *but ourselves

>> No.7195696
File: 102 KB, 342x339, Dingo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7195696

The usual tender sensation and adhesive discomfort nestled within my nether cleavage signalled for my mind's return into the realm of waking.

>> No.7195700

>>7195696
DFW pls go.

>> No.7195708

>>7192437
Once upon a time, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a pretty girl with dark ebony hair (that's how I got the name!) awoke under goth sheets and goth curtains in her goth room which she decorated to look like Hot Topic.

>> No.7195712

Challenge: finish one before you start judgment.

>> No.7195718

>>7195692

Your post put me to sleep fam

>> No.7195720

>>7192437
When Syd Foster, a good friend of mine, scuttled up the stairs of Wyam Books and told me where the black box that he carried had come from, I told him not to waste my time.

>> No.7195729

A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to no.

>> No.7195804
File: 17 KB, 460x276, Thomas-Pynchon-001.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7195804

>>7195692
I'll admit the lack of a clear scene, but c'mon son, I couldn't have referenced the death drive and its relationship to the reader more if I was actually conscious about what I was doing.

>> No.7195830

>>7192437
No Sun could break through those rains.

>> No.7195836

>>7195029
>all those goddamn commas

>> No.7195849

>>7193028
fucken ayyyy

>> No.7195855

>>7194970
hmmm... I actually like this

>> No.7195869

Attica Rel, you are the justified, you are the martyred. Lewis Sidzisky, you are the justicar, you are the fool. You two, you gang of two. You avengers you angels, you deliverers of death, what will you do? What will you do now your hearts are bled, your faces white, your skin gone wet with sweat and your crimson fists waving high in the air, what will you do? And now the skies go red, those high grey walls flash blue. Red and blue, the starred black above flashes red and blue. What will you do?

>> No.7195905

>>7195029
>>7195836
just needed a semicolon and it'd be fine

"Mieux mort que endormi", old Demidov once said to me; his words, like the foreseeing of an augure, never left my thoughts since.

still needs a bit of work past that obviously but the glaring error is gone

>> No.7195913

>>7195905
>semicolon in the opening line

Come on now. It has to display continuity. That can be done using periods as well. Commas and other sorts just cloud the readers eyes.

>> No.7195924

>>7195913
that's, like, your opinion
not everybody writes like hemingway you know

>> No.7195942

Justinian went into his house and poured a bowl of cereal, drowning billions.

>> No.7195943

>>7192437
I would like to tell you how I was a good man and never killed anyone, but that would be another lie.

>> No.7195965

I woke up that morning, and knew my life was not worth living.

>> No.7195969

>>7192437
It was a sound of enormous power that I heard that night, driving through the still and humid air, and it resonated so deep within that I knew it could not be true; and yet I was there, and the sound remained.

>> No.7195977

>>7194989
keked.

>> No.7195980

>>7195053
So true.

>> No.7195982

>>7195080
is this meant to be a joke? that's a solid line.

>> No.7195983

He was destined to be the one to catch em all.

>> No.7195984

Once you become a disapointment, it's hard stopping being one. It kinda becomes part of your identity y'know? "There goes Bob, the Screwup" - It becomes something expected of you, and you find it conforting, in a really pathetic sort of way.

>> No.7195987

>Big Black Cocks - Louis incanted in a grave voice, his robe now undone by two attending acolytes.

>> No.7195990

>>7195983
Top Kek.

>> No.7196012

It was 3am and jonjo shelvey couldnt sleep, he hadnt been able to sleep well since he'd been seperated from his secret lover steven gerrard, he scratched his big bald head which stevie had always adored and began to cry, both with anguish and lust.

>> No.7196017

>>7192578
nailed it

>> No.7196028

There was great wonder in the totality of minutiae I momentarily observed around myself: simplicity augmented to profound beauty perhaps solely by the reprieve it amounted to in contrasting with my concerns.

>> No.7196032

>>7192437

It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday, and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me.

>> No.7196040

>>7196032
Man I love the hilarious bastards in this thread.

>> No.7196053

The end was only a beginning, one of those small deaths that come before a grand wake, the causality of which is lost to the correlation.

>> No.7196095

His mother's head had disappeared from the fridge.

>> No.7196197

>>7192437

Stepped into the bank with my dick on hard
Laughing at the dumbass security guard

>> No.7196211

Suppose I were to tell you that fifteen years ago, I fell in love with a star.

>> No.7196258

>>7195913
>>7195924
The author here, I knew it would have sounded awkward in english, as the original is in italian and you guys don't like commas as much as we do.
Plus it's kind of a parody of la recherche so the style sort of imitates that one

>> No.7196270

The story you're about to read details the life of my best friend Tommy, the most honest man I ever met -- oh, and did I mention he became the president of the United States?

>> No.7196281

shit. i spilled my juice on my lap

>> No.7196305

"I should have used more lube", thought Anon as his girlish quivering anus was torn in twain by Tyrone's throbbing cock.

>> No.7196310

A laffin comes across the sky.

>> No.7196317

I am a crooked man.

>> No.7196337

>The world is the night sky, dark and barren yet the mind sees stars in it, glimmers of the world beyond.

>> No.7196351

gg allin is my dad.

>> No.7196359

Listen here, you little shit.

>> No.7196393

>>7196337
Reminds of a Nightvale opening

>> No.7196399

"The Ptarmigan is an ocean-going vessel, a matte grey hydrofoil craft some seventy feet long.
At about thirty five knots it's body is designed to hydroplane: it lifts itself steadily from the water until it skims along the surface like a flash-frozen swan in takeoff - eerily static, but effortlessly unstoppable as the angular prow cleaves each roiling swell of foam, it's painted-on eyes unblinking in the stinging salt spray."

>> No.7196416

>>7195905
the glaring error is "never left" instead of "have never left"
fucking yanks

>> No.7196492

Little did he know :^)

>> No.7196510

"The"

>> No.7196553

>>7195279
>EVERY THOUSAND YEARS...
>THIS METAL SPHERE...

>> No.7196779

>>7195855
American Psycho

>> No.7196791

And I didn't.

>> No.7196794

I'm being eaten alive by Canaanites.

>> No.7196798

>>7193563
underrated post

>> No.7196800

He was staring at the dim light for a couple of minutes now.

>> No.7196801

She's Belgian.

>> No.7196805

Nobody understands my passion for ducks.

>> No.7196812

>>7196095
I like this better as the last sentence of the first chapter

>> No.7196817

"Sir, why did you stick a banana up your anus?"

>> No.7196867

>>7192437
"Thomas careened across the vacant highway and muttered angrily at the Christian radio programming. He did not have any problem with religion per se - he had experimented with several branches of Christianity and half an afternoon with Buddhism - but he felt immediate distaste for platitudes. Driving fast and being upset were the only sources of amusement in his life, now."

>> No.7196883

>>7193111
It makes sense, it's just that "those years" are not talking about the year of the twentieth birthday. It only makes no sense if you don't realize it is talking about something else, which is by itself a good characteristic of an opening line, because it provokes you to get to know what is being talked about here. The impression we have is that "he was twenty" and that the year of having twenty is part of "those years" that are said by people to be "the best of life", so much said that the character has a reaction to it by stating he "won't let" people say it to him. What are "those years"? Or in another translation, what is that age? What could have made it the best of life and why does the character states otherwise?

I understand there is the problem with translations, but in spite of that, when two sentences do not seem to agree with each other, that doesn't mean they are senseless, just that they are senseless at this very imediate level of expectation raised on you. Sometimes, this can be a good thing.

>> No.7196885

>>7195207
I kinda like this!

>> No.7196892

The bedpan was on the roof while my ass was in the basement.

>> No.7196902
File: 89 KB, 959x573, 1443306876711.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7196902

As we stood there, sitting on the ceiling with our fingers behind the screen, the office decided to start its enginges.

>> No.7197110

In West Philadelphia, born and raised ; on the playground was where I spent most of my days.

>> No.7197116

>>7195943
I'd give a shot to this book. Just remove "another" if it's the opening.

>> No.7197148

>>7192479
How about no, motherfucker!?

>> No.7197175

>>7195712
subtly the best one tbh

>> No.7197188

OY FUCKING CUMSWAPPER

>> No.7197189

>>7195924
>there is no such thing as good writing, it's all just an opinion

So, you're a shit writer then?

>> No.7197208

It would take him two weeks to get that miserable joke but he laughed right away anyway.


Feels a bit clunky though

>> No.7197272

>>7197208
>It would take him two weeks to get the joke, but still he laughed right away.
>It would take him two weeks to get the joke, yet he laughed right away.
>It would take him two weeks to get the joke, and yet he laughed right away.
>It would take him two weeks to get the joke, but he still laughed right away.
>It would take him two weeks to get the joke, but he laughed right away anyway; he knew the point was to lift the mood that had grown darker....

Last three sound best IMO. Penultimate seems to me like it would be a good and simple way to introduce both the laughing character and the narrator. Also subtly shows disdain from the latter's part towards the first. The adjective is pointless.

>> No.7197407

I started sucking dicks in the truck stop bathroom for payphone change when I was four years old; that's not as young as it sounds, as I'm a pureblooded german shepard who by then felt more than the twenty one dog years he'd been on this earth.

It's about a professional showdog who has to resort to prostitution after he gets burned up saving preschoolers from a fire and can't compete anymore.

>> No.7197412

These were the events that followed:

>> No.7197504

As Jonas spilt his hot seed deep into her aching, fragrant womb, he sighed and mused--with his characteristic ironic vogue---aloud that she, his beloved wife, who just now had ridden him bucking like the new Simeon Stylites, had not deigned to bleach her asshole.

>> No.7197550

>>7192437

Man, I've got to get this shit off of my fingertips; and yeah, I do mean literal human shit.

>> No.7197588

Mother died tomorrow.

>> No.7197595

Stop reading or I'll cut you.

>> No.7197606

>>7192529
Meme shit that's edgy on purpose. Literally reddit

>> No.7197613

Aragorn sped up the hill.

>> No.7197666

>>7192561
"'fuck my boypucci" she yells to me, and i was happy to, even if she can't become pregnant, even if she was my brother, and even if I'm carrying her stepbrother inside my belly, and indeed possibly because this, sweet juice starts to cover my strap-on.

>> No.7197681

>>7197588
go to bed mersault

>> No.7198474

There was, to my cold ears, not a sound save for the dark forest’s faint breath, and that thing which we never need be afraid of, or so we are told, who I see now bowing to the ground, solemnly as if in prayer. In stalks naked in the snow so easily, appears and disappears either side of the road without warning; who now stares blankly at me, sending my heart reeling with terror, while the cottages at my back look so peaceful — smoke coming from their chimneys.

>> No.7198581

>>7197407
nice
https://youtu.be/0ogpzMJMuLM?t=33

>> No.7198659

The monkey started screaming "holocaust".

>> No.7198678

I thrust once more into the plastic pussy, the manufactured folds pushed down on my burgeoning erection and made of my thoughts a cheap smoothie for a half-hearted tween vegan. That same smoothie left my mind via the blood and metamorphosed into the yellowish clumpy liquid leaving my body via the urethra. "FUCK LIBERAL ARTS!" My body shook gloriously, shamelessly in time with the spasms of my dick. I placed my hands on the windowsill and sighed just as the first drops of baby batter hit the unwilling pedestrians below.

>> No.7198680
File: 13 KB, 300x200, 1401148649736.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7198680

Adolf Hitler ripped his g-string off and savagely prolapsed his rectum.

>> No.7198762

>>7192437
"S'was uh neece lad-ee", brown barkeep internationally spit in the time that myself strung a bad vibration in the cheaper liquids.

>> No.7198764

Harold awoke to find the roof of his apartment building missing once again.

>> No.7198835

>>7192561
>and indeed possibly not only despite these reasons, but possibly because of those reasons
gold

>> No.7198843

Fleemy farm fook, he kill'd Oswald, didn' 'e?

>> No.7198847

>>7198680

I would totally begin reading a book that started this way, but if the first paragraph isn't truly interesting or surreal instead of just juvenily "transgressive", I'd throw it away immediately.

>> No.7198854

>>7198762
Trying WAY too hard. You don't get the right to try expressionist experimentation until you've rigorously proven to us before-hand that you're a good writer who's in control of his faculties.

>> No.7198856

I woke up in my bed, in the middle of my apartment, if such a small place can be called an apartment. It has enough space for a bed, a window, a TV, a bathroom and a dishwasher. One would think that this is enough for a normal person —And it is— but sometimes I can't help it but think that at some point of my life I did something wrong and deviated from the path towards a life full of success and happiness.

>> No.7198860

"What a horrible night to have autism," I thought to myself.

>> No.7198866

>>7193028
lmaaaaoooo
well memed

>> No.7198868

>>7192529
Literally stolen from Marquez.

>> No.7198889

the rabbit goes fleep-fleep, it's all fine, but oh boy he finds a mine, poor thing, not even a finger, its action though made us giggle.

>> No.7198893

>>7193028

Correction:

In the beginning was Buck Mulligan, and Buck Mulligan was surrounded, screaming across the heads and bodies, and Buck Mulligan was a stately, plump office whom there is nothing to compare to now.

>> No.7198898
File: 33 KB, 346x363, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7198898

A screaming comes across the porch, from the stairhead, Tommy bearing a bowl of lather on which a pinecone and a toy rocket lay crossed—he sits on the steps surrounded by heads and bodies of characters never to be created, Wallace having quit and thrown himself upon his belt, ha-ha o my, Tommy thinx, don't throw rocks at the thrown, ha-ha.

>> No.7198902

It has been exactly one hour since I began trying to replicate the dying cat sound I had accidentally evoked from my $50 cello yesterday evening, but alas, the closest I could get is the sound of a dying horse.

>> No.7198904

>>7198898

Legitimately p. good.

>> No.7198907

I was a goth in southern italy and it's hell. Have you ever seen Bauhaus eating a pizza, with their boots on the sand? My dad says that I should quit or my grandma will call a priest for me. Gosh, make-up on boys is not a crime.

>> No.7198925

My big ass got out the big bed.

>> No.7198929

>>7192437
O my gosh, am I a beetle?

>> No.7198969

>>7192774

In the eve of his 60th year of life, Eric Rivers took the first firm decision of his life , to destroy himself in any way possible

>> No.7198975

>>7198847
i truely am a libertine @heart

>> No.7199030

The fact that so many books still name the Beatles as "the greatest or most significant or most influential" rock band ever only tells you how far rock music still is from becoming a serious art. Jazz critics have long recognized that the greatest jazz musicians of all times are Duke Ellington and John Coltrane, who were not the most famous or richest or best sellers of their times, let alone of all times. Classical critics rank the highly controversial Beethoven over classical musicians who were highly popular in courts around Europe. Rock critics are still blinded by commercial success. The Beatles sold more than anyone else (not true, by the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Jazz critics grow up listening to a lot of jazz music of the past, classical critics grow up listening to a lot of classical music of the past. Rock critics are often totally ignorant of the rock music of the past, they barely know the best sellers. No wonder they will think that the Beatles did anything worthy of being saved.

>> No.7199322

>>7192550

LOL

>> No.7199330

>>7192437

I'm like "hey, what's up? hello."

>> No.7199335

>>7199030

The stones are way better than da beatles.

>> No.7199360

>>7192437
Niggers fucked your mom and made you. Nigger.

>> No.7199368

She woke up with burning pavement beneath her feet, a memory, a ghost, something, making itself felt.

>> No.7199384

As the dog's teeth bit into the nigger's ass...

>> No.7199477

>>7192725
made me kek

>> No.7199485

In fact, we are talking about a lot of energy, a lot of the books of the club, "but the best Beatles Rock or" How can I say that you have to sell yourself. Critics said that no such jazz Duke Ellington, John Coltrane, sell or fat do not know. Beethoven Classical Music Competition, the European Court of classic correction, the most popular jazz artists are very popular, because it is his time. I grew up listening to jazz as jazz critic as before. Buta rock critic of the most successful industry. Beatles (not really), grew up listening to classical music from the first part of the sale at the end of the correction. I know that a lot of times before the rock music critic, and they know a good seller. They thought that the effectiveness of the Beatles is not surprising.

>> No.7199494

If you build leg, remember, it has been proposed on the sidewalk below husband.

>> No.7199561

>>7192661
way too long. this should be multiple sentences.

>> No.7199601

I always pee when I shit, but an internet forum told me it's weird and now I can't enjoy it anymore.

>> No.7199633

>>7199601
what the fug

>> No.7199636

>>7192437
A blank page isn't scary, neither is a clear sky.

>> No.7199709

>>7192437
Whatever happens, just know it could have been better

>> No.7199721

>>7199485

LOL holy shit.

>> No.7199731

>>7199485
beautiful

>> No.7199783

>>7192437
"Get to the CHOPPA!" he screamed, as the predator mounted him from behind.

>> No.7199899

>>7198854
that was the point

>> No.7199987

There's literally nothing wrong with letting your wife fuck niggers.

>> No.7199997

>>7192437
When I caught my reflection, I saw myself as I see a stranger, and I did not know if I was mad or enlightened.

>> No.7200009

David clenched the skin accommodating his gut, contorting it like a loose rag in his hand, instictually attempting to create another pain, any pain, which might overshadow the excruciating blaze of hot bleach eating his insides.

>> No.7200081

Colin Farell got into the taxi, he was thinking about bloc and his taxi man was polish.

>> No.7200087

"Georges ain't fighting no hitters. I'm out here, fuckin' fighting for my life out there, and Floyd Mayweather's getting paid 250 mil and he can't stop a double leg."

>> No.7200088

He milked his engorgement self into the sink.

>> No.7200111

>>7192437
The war for our planet is fought within all of us.

>> No.7200417

>>7196012
lmao what

>> No.7200503

>>7195279

>I really, really like this double entendre

No, seriously, I do.

>> No.7200808

I had done it. I had finally killed my three Asian roommates. God, how I hate Asians. They were barely speaking English anyway. It was not as difficult as I thought it would be. I actually enjoyed stabbing them, I even made selfies, want to see them? The only problem being the mess it left. And the smell. Oh God, the putrid Asian smell of those losers dying in their room. But I felt better. Now I had the kitchen all to myself. I was getting closer to the day of retribution. I felt ready.

>> No.7200848

Online forums toilet me, but I doubt that, please do not now.

>> No.7200858

That was me. Eventually, three people were killed in Asia. God, how I hate the United States. These are English or miss. It is very difficult because they have to. We want to see me just selfies not very happy? Challenges. Sharp. God, he lost so stinky smell of death in Asia. But I feel good. Therefore, in the kitchen alone. I cheated. I feel ready.

>> No.7200860

Everything was fine. Of course, there were some minor disturbances. But all in all, everything was fine. And then I was born.

>> No.7200865

>>7200858
fuck, I already have fanfic.

>> No.7200880

Than. Yes, some comfort. But in the end, everything is good. Then I was born.

>> No.7200895

Mulveys was the first when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio brought it in with the coffee she stood there standing when I asked her to hand me and I pointing at them I couldnt think of the word a hairpin to open it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing and it staring her in the face with her switch of false hair on her and vain about her appearance ugly as she was near 80 or a 100 her face a mass of wrinkles with all her religion domineering because she never could get over the Atlantic fleet coming in half the ships of the world and the Union Jack flying with all her carabineros because 4 drunken English sailors took all the rock from them and because I didnt run into mass often enough in Santa Maria to please her with her shawl up on her except when there was a marriage on with all her miracles of the saints and her black blessed virgin with the silver dress and the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday morning and when the priest was going by with the bell bringing the vatican to the dying blessing herself for his Majestad an admirer he signed it I near jumped out of my skin I wanted to pick him up when I saw him following me along the Calle Real in the shop window then he tipped me just in passing I never thought hed write making an appointment I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day reading it up in every hole and corner while father was up at the drill instructing to find out by the handwriting or the language of stamps singing I remember shall I wear a white rose and I wanted to put on the old stupid clock to near the time he was the first man kissed me under the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a boy it never entered my head what kissing meant till he put his tongue in my mouth his mouth was sweetlike young I put my knee up to him a few times to learn the way what did I tell him I was engaged for fun to the son of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel de la Flora and he believed that I was to be married to him in 3 years time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is a flower that bloometh a few things I told him true about myself just for him to be imagining the Spanish girls he didnt like I suppose one of them wouldnt have him I got him excited he crushed all the flowers on my bosom he brought me he couldnt count the pesetas and the perragordas till I taught him Cappoquin he came from he said on the Blackwater but it was too short then the day before he left May yes it was May when the infant king of Spain was born Im always like that in the spring Id like a new fellow every year up on the tiptop under the rockgun near OHaras tower I told him it was struck by lightning and all about the old Barbary apes they sent to Clapham without a tail careering all over the show on each others back Mrs Rubio said she was a regular old rock scorpion robbing the chickens out of Inces farm and throw stones at you if you went anear he was looking at me I had that white blouse on open at the front to encourage him as much as I could

>> No.7200923

Mulvey was first put me in the morning, Rubio him, he stood up to bring coffee and asked, I told them not to open I can think horquilla napikeni old disobliging and surface quality of his hair and his evil, empty, 80 for the British suddenly see his face on the loss of 100 British flag in his hand flying ship in the Atlantic Ocean because the ship is coming, religion overtake women in time for Easter morning, a black dress and a wedding dance is not 4 -chuluu asked directly, not because they are always full of Santa Maria Three hours later, the priest, we decided to patient, he wrote and dedicated group majestad and the Vatican as one team that I died Royal Mile I called her, with no windows store, weight, and I rock corsets, I think her voice is their view of the temple to learn to read the language gap and corner father YUV I can see the need to make a list of my meeting with flowers, of course, I Moore did not enter my mind what it means He wants to give children the wall and kissed me for the first time under the old circuit kiss, to the tongue into her mouth, as a young man, I know what to do to get his knee a few times, and I told them that the Spanish industry Tangmigeer de honor his son three years later, I developed some interesting things there, his family, talking flowers, and I think I told the truth, receive fair and just say, Spanish women, they do not want to, whatever number they wouldnt and all my heart and give me as cut flowers, and I'm sure the peso Cappoquin to indicate that he and Blackwater, but this is a day before leaving in May, and in May, which was a very short perragordas Children King of Spain born, I rockgun year license OHaras tower TKK under his new identity as I was working behind the lightning strike, and all the old favorites Barbary fageeyo sent carats, but they come close to you, plain old stupid chicken farm inces robbery rock Shilubiao Women, like a stone thrown after the game, he looked at me and it was a white shirt front opening round support

>> No.7201368
File: 855 KB, 384x288, 1391044827472.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7201368

>> No.7201397

the paper sat LOUDLY on the desk. deafening. will that paper be silenced?

>> No.7201521

It was big and it was black and it was just what she had wished for.

>> No.7201865

>>7192437
There was a Greek bear in my room, talking sense, and my whole family blantantly ignored him.

it's the best I can do, literally. huehue

>> No.7202031

>>7192437
"ALLAHU AKBAR," said the incumbent President of the United States.

>> No.7202077

Ella didn't have many memories of sight before she became blind, but she remembered the blue of her mothers eyes, and the sky that seemed so far out of reach.

>> No.7202083

I work in a bullet factory.

>> No.7202105

DAVID FOSTER WALLACE CUMMING INTO MY GAPING ANUS; DON DELILLO GAZES UPON US SHAKING AROUND IN A PUDDLE OF HIS OWN ASSORTED FILTH WITH GREAT SATISFACTION, HE IS STARTING TO GET SORES.

>> No.7202868

Presently the Negro sez "bana-na."

>> No.7202898

>>7192437
Niggers have always nigged hardest in the waning nigs of Nigtober when the nigger sun shines strongest on the Nig river, this was their nigture.

>> No.7202906

Like all the men of Babylon, I have been proconsul; like all, I have been a slave. I have known omnipotence, ignominy, imprisonment. Look here— my right hand has no index finger. Look here—through this gash in my cape you can see on my stomach a crimson tattoo—it is the second letter, Beth. On nights when the moon is full, this symbol gives me power over men with the mark of Gimel, but it subjects me to those with the Aleph, who on nights when there is no moon owe obedience to those marked with the Gimel. In the half-light of dawn, in a cellar, standing before a black altar, I have slit the throats of sacred bulls. Once, for an entire lunar year, I was declared invisible—I would cry out and no one would heed my call, I would steal bread and not be beheaded. I have known that thing the Greeks knew not—uncertainty. In a chamber of brass, as I faced the strangler's silent scarf, hope did not abandon me; in the river of delights, panic has not failed me. Heraclides Ponticus reports, admiringly, that Pythagoras recalled having been Pyrrhus, and before that, Euphorbus, and before that, some other mortal; in order to recall similar vicissitudes, I have no need of death, nor even of imposture.

>> No.7202939

A coke dealer named Pepsi stopped by my place..........

>> No.7202961
File: 10 KB, 180x222, welles.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7202961

The following collection of highly specific, self-centered, and improbable events led me to the quiet bliss.

>> No.7202967

>>7202961
oh yea y'all wanna read more

>> No.7203284

Once upon a time,

>> No.7203547

>>7203284
In a city so divine.

>> No.7203565

>>7194989
Ha!

>> No.7203586

>>7192479

I never got what's so good about that line. He just stated his name, I can do that. Shit, I can even state both my first AND last names. This faggot seaman guy couldn't even think of somehting as basic as a last name. How can you believe anything anyone tells you when he can't even tell you what his full name is?

>> No.7203618
File: 25 KB, 222x279, delicious.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7203618

>>7194989

>> No.7203768

"Later they said that he arrived through the eastern gate."

>> No.7204301

he didnt fear death, had a big dick and no ego. he was the real kind of nigger, his nuts where a little bigger.

>> No.7204428

>>7194989
Would keep on reading. Oh, wait...

>> No.7204509

>>7202031
nice

>> No.7204517

>>7203284
and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...

>> No.7204540

>>7204301
I'd read it. Probably the best ITT

>> No.7204704

>>7203586
>I never got what's so good about that line.
fetish.

>> No.7204713

>>7202906
Nice meme, George.

>> No.7204721

>>7202105
Amazon link, pls.
t. your biggest fan.

>> No.7204787

I am Christian Weston Chandler, Sonichu's creator, and author of this comic, this is his story and nothing less.

>> No.7204821

Hey boo.

>> No.7204841

You don't know about me, without you have read a book by the name of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer," but that ain't no matter.

>> No.7205999

>>7198868
duh

>> No.7206039

"Demons are made, not born."

After that its all just a load of smut.

>> No.7206065

i tage da shid on de doilet xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

>> No.7206143

>>7199030
scruffy /lit/ now

>> No.7206220

>>7192725
“It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that’s the weather for you."

>> No.7206246

>>7197588
My mother is a fish.

>> No.7206277

All this happened, less or more.

>> No.7206513 [SPOILER] 
File: 138 KB, 787x1000, 1444268160242.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7206513

It was the worst of times, it gave me lemon lime.

>> No.7206521

WHEN I WAS

>> No.7207308
File: 60 KB, 558x744, 1405938577890798634.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7207308

Why aren't new threads appearing?

>> No.7207393

>>7207308
hello?

>> No.7207666

"Keep up, motherfucker!"|

>> No.7207876

Burps don't smell. I don't care what my brother thinks, they simply don't.

>> No.7208015

It was the breast of tines, it was the würst of tines

>> No.7208219
File: 6 KB, 320x180, wuuuuu.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7208219

I took a sip from my cup of coffee and tasted.... tea?

>> No.7208256

An image on a computer or TV screen is one of the few things in the universe that exists solely in two dimensions. It has a measurable height and width, yes, but no depth whatsoever; nothing to reach out and hold on to; the cheap forgery of a real, tangible thing. So with this knowledge in mind, it retrospectively strikes me as very odd that a year ago to this day I was brought to tears over a 2D image on my pale laptop screen: my father's last will and testament.

>> No.7208864

>>7208256
go on, fag

>> No.7208886

It was assumed the sound of the door shutting meant that the last person had left the room, and the lonely silence that followed only lasted a brief moment before she unleashed a wild cacophony of a fart, a along awaited release that replaced her discomfort with a strong euphoric sensation that warmed her from anus to the deepest part of her soul.

>> No.7209188

>The line of filth which encased her slender legs slowly receded as each pitfall proved to be shallower than the last; a sure sign they were headed in the right direction.

Followed by:
>It had been three days since the party had set out from oakheart, an area strangely named considering it was neither surrounded by oaks or filled with the warm completeness one would describe as heartfelt. Although following that line of thought, a place best described as swamp-ass probably wouldn't want to advertise it's true nature anyway.

Why is trying to write fantasy intentionally so fun yet such a slow process?

>> No.7209422

>>7204540
hey baby, make me a star

>> No.7209551

I looked down timidly, and prayed it wasnt herpes.

>> No.7209593

>>7192437
Flerpa derpa burpady flurpady derpady flurp burp scurp burp chirp chirp hurpaty flurpaty derp

>> No.7210289

this one had gone and got fat, fat and fat... it is not what it once was

>> No.7210539

Morning came down on DeWitt like a whiskey bottle to the back of the head.

>> No.7210548

Ingrid was building herself up to me, growing in petri-dish with swiveling arms, mirage-like across concrete and grass tufts growing between yellowing path.

>> No.7210942

There isn't a single person here who is even remotely talented.

>> No.7210981

>>7192529
As he was standing above his Nine Inch Nails vinyl, his Marilyn Manson book sitting worn on the carpet, a framed picture of Che in the corner, he decided that he loved his Tripp pants collection. He had so many sitting in his closet behind the broken door fashioned with a homemade anarchist-satanic duo. He lifted up the baggy zip off pants he was donning and looked at the cuts. "I hate god" was spelled across his thigh. On his left "Mary Was A Whore". The music playing began to annoy him so he removed the vinyl, switched his vintage Curtis Mathes to auxiliary, plugged in his Microsoft Nokia Phone, and after accidentally playing Taylor Swift and checking to make sure his mom hadn't heard, began playing Cannibal Corpse. It didn't take five minutes for his mother to begin knocking at the door again the way she always did anytime he listened to music's finest creation. He opened the door and was greeted with a surprise. In front of him stood his mother holding a cake. Today was his birthday. He was finally forty years old.

>> No.7211012

Lunch today: Tuna salad on wheat bread, eggs chunky, the way I like'em, no mustard, extra relish and mayo, and a big o'l plastic bag of greasy chips, God I love my life.

>> No.7211050

Today, Tina: I love life, EM, mustard, wine, wood plastic bags I think of God as bread, eggs, fish salad ugamuu.

>> No.7211054

After a century of global war and five billion dead did historians discover /pol/ was right.

>> No.7211055

This goal after a difficult experience Farts time to time, Rooms were very short, wild animals, it will take a long time to make a deep passion for the soul of a closed channel heat comfortable there.

>> No.7211069

I once did a vegan-friendly, allowing things cheap plastic tray plant. My life is the urine heart block face, leaving the rest of the yellow liquid, blood deterioration. "Art is dog feces!" Greetings Dick hit her pain. He had his hand out the window and sighed as the last drop of batter hit a child pedestrian.

>> No.7211081

He had been half the day watching the same wall, time made him believe as if white blackened and excess silt flowed from the small holes that the wall had; maybe it was not time.

>> No.7211085

Lightning doesn't crack from the potent wrath and fury of Zeus, not anymore.

>> No.7211163

>>7210981
kek

>> No.7211886

The slut never could resist the call of the Big Black Cock.

>> No.7211898

>>7210289

nb

>> No.7211914

"The night doesn't judge", she exclaimed while cleaning the blood out from under her fingernails.

>> No.7211930

>>7196553
>TEN TIMES THE SIIIIIZE OF JUPITER

>> No.7211949

Once upon a time it was a dark and stormy night.
Jimmy burst into the room, shouting "today's the day! The big race!" So we furiously masturbated to see who could come first. Guess who won?

>> No.7211962

>>7211949
you?

>> No.7211963

>>7211949
before I answer that, did I entice you

>> No.7211968

>>7211963
>>7211962
fack I meant you

>> No.7211973

>>7211968
I meant, the author >>7211949

>> No.7211974

After the dark night of the storm.
Jimmy, crying, "Good game today!", I ran to the first house in a snap. Who won the prophet?

>> No.7211975

>>7211973
stop impersonating you fiend
I am holding back tears

>> No.7211980

When the time has once passed upon the stormy, dark night, I sighed.
Did Jimmy really try his hardest? Or is he holding back, and unleashing a harder beast in days to come?
Am I playing a fool's game?

>> No.7212049

>>7192699
underage detected

>> No.7212053

>>7192774
Lost it at "One crown to rule them all"

>> No.7212084

>>7193047
mmm kay

>> No.7212106

>>7194989
Don't know if original or copy paske

>> No.7212191

>>7192598
not bad tbh

>> No.7212199

>>7192437

Maman died today.

>> No.7213407

"God is in my robe. Worship me!", Bayazid screamed from the top of his lungs, flailing his Quran in one hand and his cane in the other. His only tooth was green and contrasted the pearly white of his long flowing beard. He spat on the floor, brown mucus. He continued, "God is great and there is no God but Allah, Mohammad is his messenger and Ali is the seal the of the prophets". This chant is incanted daily from the mosque's speakers, psalmed by trained muazzens. Somehow, it was like I was hearing it for the first time.

>> No.7213431

>>7213407
"God is in my robe. Worship me!", Bayazid screamed from the top of his lungs as he flailed his teared Quran. He held firmly his khaizaran against the ground. His only tooth was green and contrasted the pearly white of his long flowing beard. He spat on the floor, brown mucus. He lifted his chin proudly and continued, "God is great and there is no God but Allah, Mohammad is his messenger and Ali is the seal the of the prophets". This chant is incanted daily from the mosque's speakers, psalmed by trained muezzins. Somehow,I felt like I was hearing it for the first time.

>> No.7213846
File: 24 KB, 450x447, God has infinite bandwidth.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7213846

>God was browsing lewd sites on the internet. The next day, he looked what he'd done. As he thought "it's bad", he decided to create a third dimension.