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/lit/ - Literature

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707330 No.707330 [Reply] [Original]

HAMLET: Emo wants revenge. Fails.

THE ODYSSEY: Returning home, a sailor gets his dick in all the wrong places.

THE SUN ALSO RISES: I fight bulls and do dangerous shit because I can't get it up.

ON THE ROAD: Neal Cassady was the 1950s Kamina. Also: pot.

>> No.707333

That is the worst trampstamp ever.

>> No.707337

OF MICE AND MEN: Retard gets shot by his friend.

>> No.707342

THE BIBLE: Wood, nails and a hammer > God.

>> No.707347

The Picture of Dorian Gay: Guy never gets old, has gay sex instead

>> No.707351

THE POWER AND THE GLORY: A priest and a communist - both are assholes.

>> No.707354

CATCHER IN THE RYE: Kid you'd never listen to iRL bitches and moans for 220 pages.

>> No.707355

UNDER THE VOLCANO: being an alcoholic is kinda bad for your social life.

>> No.707362

ROOTS: Where niggers come from.

>> No.707365

FINNEGANS WAKE: word jokes and bowel movements.

>> No.707366

CATCH-22: Most fucked up dude ever turns out to be the only sane.

>> No.707368

A FINE BALANCE: Don't get your hopes up because life sucks and it will only get worse.

>> No.707369

HARRY POTTER- Boy goes to wizarding school, has adventures and fights evil

>> No.707370

ANIMAL FARM: Animals trust capitalist pigs LOL

1984: Man takes on the system, system wins.

>> No.707372

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE: Don't fix what is allready broken.

>> No.707375

DAY OF THE LOCUST: Homer Simpson finally snaps and starts killing people.

>> No.707376

1984: You say what I want you to say bitch.

>> No.707378

FAHRENHEIT 451: Oops, maybe burning books wasn't a good idea after all.

HEART OF DARKNESS: Go to Congo, meet a crazy ivory dealer. The horror! The horror!

LOLITA: Marry a widow, rape her kid and act perverted overall. Die of a heart attack.

>> No.707382

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT: Kill pawn broker, all money problems are gone.

seriously, Rodion's poverty wasn't mentioned for the rest of the novel

>> No.707387

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST: Man is awesome overal, man got put down.

>> No.707393

BEOWULF: Beat up kid then bitchslap his mom. Get eaten by dragon.

>> No.707396

THE ILLYAD: lots of epic dudes kill each other over a cheating whore.

>> No.707410

THE DEATH IN VENICE: be a pedophile and die.

>> No.707411 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 46
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 31

>> No.707412 [DELETED] 

75
im so booooored, wanna cam? DatKatX@live.com .. 64

>> No.707413 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 95
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 41

>> No.707414 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 6
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 39

>> No.707423

HOMO FABER: rationalist fucks his own daughter - how ironic.

>> No.707426

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: Girl takes goodies to sick grandmother living in the woods, only to be eaten by a wolf when she gets there.

>> No.707424 [DELETED] 

68
im so booooored, wanna cam? DatKatX@live.com .. 49

>> No.707428 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 44
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 12

>> No.707429 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 84
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 72

>> No.707430 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 20
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 13

>> No.707431 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 96
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 7

>> No.707433 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 29
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 44

>> No.707432

ROMEO AND JULIET: teenagers overreact to being separated for several hours, kill themselves.

>> No.707434 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 25
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 77

>> No.707435 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 94
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 25

>> No.707427 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 95
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 34

>> No.707457 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 44
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 18

>> No.707455

>>707435
This seems like a great idea. I'm totally going to do this. Watch me get laid tonight while the rest of you nerds are all still sitting around talking about who sucks worse, Ayn Rand or Salinger! See ya, chumps!

>> No.707459

THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES: everybody is a selfish asshole.

>> No.707460 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 25
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 43

>> No.707477

Things fall apart:
Fucking hams, how do they work?

>> No.707478 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 31
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 47

>> No.707480 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 24
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 30

>> No.707481 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 66
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 63

>> No.707482 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 52
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 37

>> No.707538 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 13
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 16

>> No.707539 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 57
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 28

>> No.707537

>>707477
I lol'd

>> No.707561 [DELETED] 

DATKATX: Spam pretentious, self-proclaimed word nazi board using the grammar of a 12-year-old. Be surprised when you remain broke.

>> No.707562 [DELETED] 

31
im so booooored, wanna cam? DatKatX@live.com .. 63

>> No.707566

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:
Go to Vegas, do drugs then do more drugs, commit capital fraud, go home. Good times. The 60's are over. Sad face.

>> No.707564 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 76
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 71

>> No.707565 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 7
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 73

>> No.707630

Fountainhead. Ayn Rand takes Greenspan's bald head in her hands and thrusts it in her crotch. She holds him there and cums in his face. Hard.

>> No.707747

A LESSON BEFORE DYING: Some nigger dies and another nigger cries.

>> No.707748 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 46
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 15

>> No.707752 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 95
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 85

>> No.707749 [DELETED] 

Bored cumdumpster here, 19/f/US - im lonely, someone add my msn for a chat / cam! 88
if youre from US, add my msn: DatKat@live.com!! And ask for cam! 2

>> No.707750 [DELETED] 

59
im so booooored, wanna cam? DatKatX@live.com .. 13

>> No.707751 [DELETED] 

31
im so booooored, wanna cam? DatKatX@live.com .. 54

>> No.708098 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 21
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 89

>> No.708099 [DELETED] 

Femanon here, 19/f/us - im bored, someone add my msn for a chat! 10
Seriously, i need someone to chat / cam with! add: DatKatX@live.com ! 62

>> No.708097

A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch: I've been shoved in a Gulag for 10 years on erroneous charges based on paranoid assumptions, and I ain't even mad.

>> No.708136

NEVER LET ME GO: Schoolchildren bicker over petty things for three hundred pages and then get harvested for their organs.

>> No.708153

The Bell Jar: Girl tries to kill herself after attempting to read Finnegans Wake

>> No.708158
File: 189 KB, 320x240, citizenkaneclapping.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
708158

>>708153
Well done.

>> No.708164

To Kill A Mockingbird: One armed black guy gets argues over, old creepy dude tries to rape little girl.

>> No.708168

As I Lay Dying: WACKY AND CRAZY ADVENTURES as a family buries their mother in Jefferson

>> No.708174
File: 74 KB, 512x382, no.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
708174

The Stranger:

Dude is sentenced to death for being chill.

>> No.708178

The Great Gatsby: Bitches and Whores

>> No.708185

>>708178

LOL'd hard.

>> No.708200

>>707432
This really made me laugh.

ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT: It's a war, and everyone dies. Also, boots.

>> No.708204

THE HOBBIT: A hobbit and 80 dwarves have to go fight a dragon. Misadventures ensue.

LORD OF THE RINGS: Four hobbits and 80 other beings have to throw a ring into a volcano to save the earth.

>> No.708205

Blood Meridian: everyone dies, and then we dance.

>> No.708211

THE STARS MY DESTINATION: Tatooed guy learns how to teleport and time travel.

>> No.708215

GRAVITY'S RAINBOW: You know, rockets are a lot like penises.

>> No.708218

(not really fiction. Had to read this for a sociology class. If you've read anything by this author, you will laugh your ass off, though.)

BLACK MEN AND MASCULINITIES: Author comments on how black people are helpless and lazy because the white male supremacist racist capitalist society is keeping them down.

>> No.708220

>>708218

"We Real Cool; black men and masculinity" by Bell Hooks

>> No.708225
File: 53 KB, 600x760, crazy_inventions_of_the_past_21.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
708225

SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE: War is bad. Also, aliens. So it goes.

>> No.708228

WAITING FOR GODOT: No carrots left? Well, nothing to be done.

>> No.708230

BRAVE NEW WORLD: Everyone is on drugs and takes part in a huge orgy. Sexiest man goes to a private island.

>> No.708233

THE BOOK THIEF: Grim reaper stalks little girl in WWII Germany.

>> No.708237

The Jungle: Being a hard working immigrant sucks and being a corrupt motherfucker rocks.

>> No.708250

LES MISERABLES: Social commentary on how unjust the French justice system is, and other heartwarming adventures.

>> No.708254

Brave New World: Everyone is constantly dropping acid and commitmentless sex + parties every night. For some reason this is a bad thing. PARTY HARD PARTY HARD PARTY HARD

>> No.708263

I, Robot - Some old lady explains how robots have taken over the world. Also, Will Smith?

The Caves of Steel - People from Earth don't trust people from space, and vice versa.

>> No.708266

The Crying of Lot 49:
Postmodernism, a 400-year conspiracy, and LSD.

>> No.708268

>>708250
nice one

>> No.708275

Lolita: a prophetic tale of czechoslovakia
Heart of a Dog: frankenstein's monster is back, with a lawyer
The Death of Ivan Ilyich: cancer hurts. also, you're all hypocrites
Notes from the Underground: he is wicked and sick
The unbearable Lightness of Being: Milan likes whores very much. Also, he likes anal sex. But he doesn't like hypocrites! Everybody is a hypocrite aside from Milan Kundera.

>> No.708277

CAT'S CRADLE: Mankind is douchey, kills themselves. Lol.

>> No.708311

American Gods: Father and son, and uncle try to con gods across america... the sun is a ragging faggot.

>> No.708319

ANY STEPHEN KING NOVEL: Good vs Bad. Good wins.

>> No.708322

LOTR: Hurr God is good.

>> No.708325

THE POISONWOOD BIBLE: Baptist family moves to africa to convert the heathens. Africa rapes their shit.

>> No.708327

>>708322
Chronicles of Narnia can go this way too...

>> No.708334

NAKED LUNCH: (see /b/)

>> No.708343

To The Lighthouse: Would /b/ do me?

>> No.708347

Bright Lights, Big City: You love coke, but your life's empty.

>> No.708353

Romeo and Juliet: Gentlemen, I've been seeing this girl, she's underage b& and shit's pretty cash, thing is...

>> No.708354

>>708325
This made me spit out the soda I was drinking in laughter, good job.

>> No.708362

KISS OF THE SPIDER WOMAN: (see >>707351
but the priest is a fag)

>> No.708367

Brave New World: Emo faggot quotes Shakespeare for the last half of the book.

Any book of O'Henry Prize Stories: How did half of these win awards?

Jane Eyre: The book you didn't read in high school.

The New Yorker: Whose dick did this guy suck to get this horrible story published?

Flowers for Algernon: Derp. I'm smart! Derp.

>> No.708370

archive this--and we can sell it to lazy kids as the new sparknotes.

>> No.708374

>>707477

I just finished Things Fall Appart this morning and I have no idea what you're talking about... There's no mention of pigs or pork in the whole story...

>> No.708383

CATCH-22: A great jokes book that is about 249 pages too long.

>> No.708384

THE WHEEL OF TIME SERIES: An in-depth discussion on clothing, embroidery and the weather.

>> No.708385

>>708370
This thread has been requested 1 times now.

I am the only one...?
A lot of these are pretty good.

>> No.708392

>>708383

alternatively: a book where the author included every incarnation of his characters stories, so you read nearly the same thing eleven times.

>> No.708396

>>708385
Second. Archive it.

>> No.708405

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 2 times now.

>> No.708408

>>708228
that's not TL

>> No.708409

>>708396

Although this kind of reminds me of a /v/ archive about a week ago. It hasn't made it into the viewable archives yet, though.
Basically, everyone took an annoyingly repeated phrase from a game, turned on capslock, and pasted it about 100 times.

>> No.708410

Contact: female Carl Sagan discovers aliens

>> No.708439

Finnegan's Wake: LOOK AT ME, I'M A CLEVER BOY, WOO WOO WOO.

>> No.708458

>>708384

Should be on the cover sleeve of every book.

>> No.708463

>>707330
Hamlet got revenge, he just fucked it up. Also, one could argue that a lot of characters in literature acted the way they did because they couldn't get it up.

>> No.708470
File: 24 KB, 480x360, 1271992299184.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
708470

>>708374

It's probably a typo. He probably meant 'yams'.

>> No.708473

DUNE: People go to the desert and drop acid then turn into worms.

>> No.708505

house of leaves: house is weird, none of it's real

>> No.708506

Lord of the Flies: Kids do the cutest things. Also pigs.

>> No.708515

Moby Dick: WHAELS TROLL U LOLOLOLOLOL XD

>> No.708522

FRANKENSTEIN: IMA FUCKING WHORE WHO BELONGS IN THE KITCHEN AND I CANT WRITE FOR SHIT THIS ISBORING AND ATROCIOUS BULLCRAP PLEASE SHOOT ME

>> No.708528

>>708515
I lol'd

archive it

>> No.708542

The Catcher in the Rye: adolescent drops out of school, drinks, smokes, and bitches,

>> No.708555

Alice in Wonderland: Fuck man, I really ought to get into rehab.

>> No.708565

The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman: The Game, you lost it. Also, bel-air.

>> No.708730

WATCHMEN: Ex superheroes become old, depressed, or deranged after the death of a Comedian.

>> No.708733

The Canterbury Tales: Make up fake stories. ??? Profit.

>> No.708736

NAKED LUNCH: So much butt rape; drugs

>> No.708895

archive this

>> No.708934

The Old Man and the Sea: Old man goes out for fishing, and snags MOBY FUCKING DICK, brings whale home, but ze hungry sharks eat it first. Old man has a sad.

>> No.708949

>Thanks for your request.
>It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
>This thread has been requested 5 times now.

>> No.708950

CHRONICLE OF A DEATH FORETOLD: Dude fucks virgin. Gets killed by a guy with STDs.

A HERO OF OUR TIME: Gigolo hates himself.

THE GIVER: Old man touches little boy. Little boy touches baby sister.

TIME MACHINE: Dude builds time machine. Fucks up.

>> No.708953

>ON THE ROAD: Neal Cassady was the 1950s Kamina. Also: pot.
>Kamina
>pot

Probably explains why I like this book so much.

>> No.708960

Wind-Up Bird Chronicle: Bitches and whores, man. Bitches and whores.

>> No.708999

Grapes of Wrath : Fucking corporate America. Fuck you. What did we do to you?

>> No.709001

WHEN A CROCODILE EATS THE SUN: Uneducated black people shouldn't be allowed to run things.

TURN OF THE SCREW: Who fucking knows.

WAR AND PEACE: The French ruin everything.

>> No.709002

Taming of the Shrew : Let's play dress up.

>> No.709008

The Fountainhead - The perfect man fights mindless sheeple and rapes a bitch.

>> No.709020

Atlas Shrugged : More like At last I'm done with it, amirite?

>> No.709030

SWAN SONG: I totally ripped off The Stand, I hope no one notices.

>> No.709034

The Da Vinci Code: Read Angels & Demons. Same shit, only this time Jesus had sex with someone. Not lying.

>> No.709040

DESOLATION ANGLES: Holy shit sitting alone on a mountain all season is depressing. Time to drink myself to death and live with my mother.

MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING: Jew survives holocaust, he ain't even mad.

MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY: Witty guy tries not to be too bitter at his country turning to shit. Fuck Bush.

>> No.709114

bump

>> No.709131

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS: I have 2 cows. I give them ether, acid and mescaline. One cow discovers the American Dream. The other cow gets his spic ass back to LA

>> No.709141

Archive it!

How many requests do we have?

>> No.709144

HEART OF DARKNESS: "I'm on a boat", except T-Pain is a slave.

>> No.709152

THE JUNGLE: Don't eat that hot dog.

>> No.709153

Atlas Shrugged: The world collapses because an auto mechanic quit his job.

>> No.709161

Sanctuary: Drinking leads to corncob rape.

>> No.709163

THE LITTLE PRINCE: Underageb& annoys the whole fucking universe.

>> No.709166
File: 29 KB, 640x400, evil-agent-smith.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
709166

>>709131

>> No.709168

To Kill A Mockingbird: Niggers and boogeymen are figments of your imagination.

>> No.709178

Haynes manual for 97 Plymouth Breeze: Fuck it, go to a mechanic.

>> No.709179

>>709144
lol t-pain

>> No.709182

>>709153

for real? that sounds good

>> No.709188

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1y6vdV9K11qaszsko1_500.jpg

>> No.709198

>>707369

More like: boy becomes wizard, fights all powerful villain, defeats him because wands apparently have souls.

>> No.709209

>>709198

Naw; HARRY POTTER: Snape kills Dumbledore

>> No.709229

THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY: Mikey carves up some dead folk. Feels up some marble. Hates painting. Doesn't get the girl.

>> No.709236

Franny and Zooey: The fat lady is Jesus.

>> No.709241

FOUNDATION: Talking... then.... more talking

(still love it tho)

>> No.709246

ENDHER's GAEM: Herp derp analogy for Hitler & promotes violence herpety derpity doo

>> No.709250 [DELETED] 

>>709236

More like: Everyone is a kind of fat lady and adding them all together equals god.

>> No.709253

The Awakening: Woman has everything but is unhappy anyway. She may be a lesbian, she may not be. She kills herself.

>> No.709257

A Song of Ice and Fire: Knights that say 'Fuck.'

>> No.709258

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? - I killz robots but am I robot too?

>> No.709261

100 Years of Solitude - DAYUM MEXICANS ARE CRAZY

House of the Spirits - see above.

>> No.709264

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: This dude's nuts. Not in a cool dangerous biker way. Him, his kid, some other guy are on motorcycles.

>> No.709266

Crime and Punishment - Russa sucks. Kill Landlady and rob her. Russia still sucks. Have flashback of a man beating a horse to death. Russia sucks. Go to prison.

>> No.709267

CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES - The story of every 4channer if there was no interet

>> No.709268

Ender's Game: Adults manipulate children in order to fuck up some aliens

>> No.709269

Wicked - Wizard of Oz, but with sex.

>> No.709270

The Idiot - Jesus visits St. Petersburg. He's an idiot, except not. Crazy bitch messes with everybody's heads.

>> No.709277
File: 2 KB, 126x85, 1271767946525s.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
709277

>>709267

>> No.709281

HAM ON RYE: Boy grows up, becomes asshole.

>> No.709283

"ON THE ROAD: Neal Cassady was the 1950s Kamina. Also: pot."

i'm sold. buying on the road right now

>> No.709288

>>709281
Boy grows up with asshole dad who he hates. Boy grows up to be different type of asshole.

>> No.709290

Ham on Rye: Writers do nothing but drink and fight.

>> No.709294

FIGHT CLUB: Fag unable to deal with his faggotry. Gets imaginary boyfriend. "Fights" man after man at secret underground men-only club.

>> No.709313

I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL: Drinking fratboy faggotry. Moderately funny.

>> No.709317

>>708384
im slow to thread, reading to through it all. but fucking LOL at this one. Sweet jesus, good work anon.

>> No.709327

>>709313
I fucking love that book. Don't think less of me anon.

Seriously though, I listened to a snippet of him (the author) reading parts from the book and good god, he sounds like such a fag. It was hilarious.

>> No.709333

100 Years of Solitude: Cousins fuck. Hilarity ensues.

>> No.709345

Frankenstein: Holy fuck look at that tree, let me spend 5 pages telling you how great it is.

>> No.709352

THE IDIOT: Jesus should have never returned to Russia.

NARCISSUS AND GOLDMAN: Live in an abbey or bang chicks, learn art, and die of plague.

LORD OF THE FLIES: Everything is war and chaos, kids saved from it, but who will save the adults?

>> No.709358

Confessions of a mask: Little japanese boy realizes he is a fag. Life History of b/tards

>> No.709371

120 DAYS OF SODOM: French authorities rape little boys and girls. They kill time with tales of perversion.

>> No.709402
File: 199 KB, 960x720, what have i done.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
709402

>>707382
you are completely wrong

Crime and Punishment: Ayn Rand kills pawnbroker, and then pic related.

>> No.709407
File: 16 KB, 288x358, 10000hoursinmspaint.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
709407

>>707630

>> No.709413

>>707372

But he gets fixed in the end...

>> No.709418

I'm so proud of this thread I'm seriously showing it to my friends. It'll reveal my dark 4chan truth... but holy shit this thread is magic.

Also, THE FOREST OF HANDS AND TEETH: The Village, but with zombies. Also, whining.

>> No.709425
File: 45 KB, 347x346, approved.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
709425

>>708174
>>708178
>>707432
>>708250
>>709144
>>709333

>> No.709428

Extremely Loud Incredibly Close: Awesome Little boy gets trolled by God.

>> No.709435

>>709327

...Guilty agreement.

>> No.709456

Catcher in the Rye: Growing up sucks.

>> No.709464

THE BIBLE:

OLD TESTAMENT: Jews get picked on all day errday
NEW TESTAMENT: Jews are suddenly the bad guy, all the cool kids are Christians now

>> No.709483

ARCHIVE!

>> No.709498

Brave New World: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvGCWSxELSQ

>> No.709504

The Sound and the Fury: A retard, a virgin and a cracker really need to get laid

>> No.709510

Siddartha: Oh God I Can See FOREVER.

>> No.709511

Crime & Punishment: Whoever kills this old pawnbroker first becomes Napolean(Straight to exile).

>> No.709513

to kill a mockingbird: black? south us? well, sucks to be you

>> No.709533

THE THIN RED LINE: There's a war going on. How does that make you feel?

>> No.709551

Archive!

>> No.709553

TWILIGHT: Miley Cyrus

>> No.709577

Numbers: His teacher hates jews, he ends up a loser again.

>> No.709585

The Idiot: Bitches love epileptic retards.

>> No.709589

The Divine Comedy: Trippin' balls with Virgil; everyone Dante doesn't like is in hell.

>> No.709592

Wind Sand & Stars: Flying is both scary and awesome
Night Flight: Flying is both scary and awesome
The Little Prince: Sometimes you fly and crash and sometimes you see a crazy kid
The Phantom Tollbooth: A boys toy car leads to the land of horrible puns
The Chronicles of Narnia: A good childrens fantasy that's a bit heavy handed with Christianity
His Dark Materials: A cool childrens fantasy that kills the entire story and "God" with the power of Atheism.

>> No.709596

The Aeneid: VIRGIL WAS HERE GREEKS WERE PUSSY FAGGOTS

>> No.709601

The Republic: Thrasymachus is always wrong and can choke on Socrates' enormous balls.

>> No.709615

Dream of the Red Chamber: Immortal jade stone trolls nobles by being in the mouth of a newborn who will grow up to be the gayest man in the world; somehow he gets tons of wincest anyway.

>> No.709625

The Nibelungenlied: BODIES ON SHEILDS

>> No.709629

House of Leaves: We have building codes for a reason, dammit.

>> No.709633

Slaughterhouse Five: SEX WITH PORNSTAR IN ALIEN ZOO! Also some people die maybe.

>> No.709640

Scaramouche: Problem, bourgeoise?

>> No.709647

The Dunwich Horror: Never stick your omnidimensional dick in crazy.

>> No.709657

The Taming of the Shrew: GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN

>> No.709663

>>708275
just marking where I stopped in the thread, to post, and will continue to read here once I have posted.


I AM LEGEND: everyone's a vampire, ALCOHOL YAY, fuckin' microscopes how do they work, vampire with spray on tan leads me to my death. then I AM LEGEND.

>> No.709666

The Raven: Bird trolls emo.

>> No.709667

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Earth explodes a couple times.

>> No.709670

A Short History of Nearly Everything: FUKKEN MAGNETS, HOW DO THEY WORK?

>> No.709671

>>709666

True story.

>> No.709673

The Pit and the Pendulum: We spent the entire treasury on this execution room.

>> No.709674

And Then There Were None: Rocks fall, everyone dies, whatta tweest

>> No.709675
File: 183 KB, 684x359, fuckign rainbows.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
709675

>>709670

>> No.709679

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency:

...jesus fucking fuckshit cocks, what?

>> No.709684

Dresden Files: HELL YES--TO THE MAX

>> No.709686

Kino no Tabi: "Well nobody's perfect."

>> No.709694

Paradise Lost: Sad Satan in snow tells god where to stick it, runs away from home. Naked people fuck; SHOCKING.

>> No.709695

A Clockwork Orange: Gov trolls super angsty teen but it's all good.

>> No.709696

The Talmud: "Y'all's my bitches", says god through his lawyers.

>> No.709698

Dracula: Ugly old fuck writes letters, gets layed.

>> No.709699

SATAN BURGER: everything on the internet + 4chan + PUNK ROCK OY OY OY. And satan is a fairy.

>> No.709705

Invisible Man: no one actually turns invisible, so don't waste your time. Also, stereotypes and racism.

>> No.709707

The Time Machine: ....it's about ninjas.

>> No.709709

The Island of Dr. Moreau: Furries are not actually human-compatable. Who gave this guy his degree?

>> No.709710

Native Son:
Nigga, u mad?
I was but then I got on the determinist ball.

>> No.709712

THE PEARL: Crying baby wtf is this I don't even

>> No.709714

Baldur's Gate: Sociopath's day out.

Baldur's Gate 2: LESBIANS AND OTHER VAGINA-RELATED ADVENTURES

>> No.709716

SIX MOON DANCE: Gender roles are swapped, a hooker and his friends fuck a dragon out of nowhere to save the planet.

>> No.709718

BENITO CERENO: Slaves be trollin.

>> No.709722

Don Quixote: FUCK YOU I'M A KNIGHT

>> No.709724

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court: Charming yokel brings his brand of fun and adventure to ye olde middle ages. Then EVERYONE DIES.

>> No.709742

HIGH FIDELITY: Britfag runs failing record store, has sex with American songwriter, whines often

>> No.709752

Atlas Shrugged: Self-justifying selfishness? THAT MAKES ME MOIST

>> No.709761

THE OUTSIDERS: Wannabe badasses fuck around alot

>> No.709764

A Farewell to Arms: Italy sucks.

>> No.709766

A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Fat dramatic dude has fruity adventures in The French Quarter

>> No.709767

THE PLASTIC MIND: Turns out stroke victims are hamming it up for the sympathy and good parking stalls.

>> No.709769

THE FOUNTAINHEAD: Do exactly what I say or I'll blow up your fucking house.

>> No.709773

THE ROAD: Fallout 3 happens to dad and kid. You will cry alot.

>> No.709775

Move Under Ground:

Jack Kerouac, God puncher.

>> No.709779

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: Fag named Greg explains why his life is shit. Also, videogames, and older brothers.

>> No.709788

ANIMORPHS: Aliens! Morphing! TOBIAS IS AN EAGLE!!!?!!?!?

>> No.709794

SIDDHARTHA: brb enlightenment

>> No.709797

C'mon /lit/!! I'm running dry here!

>> No.709800

THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME: I hunt humans lol

>> No.709804

CANNERY ROW: John Steinbeck uses all 40 pages to describe a square foot of shrubbery

>> No.709805

>>709666
>The Raven
>666
We got mods up in this bitch?

>> No.709808

THE MACHINE THAT WON THE WAR: A FUCKING COIN!!!!

>> No.709809

LORD OF THE FLIES: Rugrats unleashed.

>> No.709812

CASEY AT THE BAT: epic fail is epic

>> No.709813

Rhinoceros: I WILL NOT BECOME A FURRY BECAUSE I AM NOT A SLAAAVE

>> No.709817

THE CAGED BIRD: lolopression

>> No.709819

THE JUNGLE BOOK: Indian kid raised by wolves, ends up gb2 village,

>> No.709826

CHRISTMAS EXPRESS: Train takes jailbaits to North Pole for perverted selfish desires

>> No.709829

A MILLION LITTLE PIECES: Guy wakes up from good times, put in rehab, almost died lol

>> No.709831

THE ELECTRIC KOOL AID ACID TEST: lolwut

>> No.710461

THE NEVERENDING STORY: Library rat saves fantasy world becomes antihero and learns the power of love.

>> No.710587

>>709804

Sounds like all of Steinback's books.

>> No.710589

AMERICAN PSYCHO: This is not an exit.

>> No.710605

>>707382

I fucking know, he just fucking gives it away then seems to survive on nothing for a few days.

>> No.710671

has this been archived?

how many requests have we got?

another one, pls archive this

>> No.710883

The House of Mirth: Jealous bitches be hatin' on me

>> No.710897

Freakonomics: Everything that happens to you is inevitable but you are the master of your own destiny.

Outliers: Same shit, but you gotta practice for 10,000 hours.

Archive please!

>> No.710918

>>710883
10/10. That alone was more entertaining the whole novel.

Brideshead Revisited: Watch your significant other cry and do nothing to console her because you're emotionally dead.

Mrs. Dalloway: When in doubt, jump out.

>> No.710923

A Passage To India: BITCHES AND WHORES be makin' false rape claims on mah boi, Aziz.

>> No.710932
File: 15 KB, 300x300, az.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
710932

>>710923
>>710923
AZIZ LIGHT!!!!!!!!

>> No.710974

>Tobias is a Hawk

>> No.710978

>>709144
Just about made me spit up my coffee.

NIGHTWOOD: Trap doctor attempts to console furry lesbian, fails. Yiff Yiff.

>> No.710984

WAR & PEACE: Bitches & whores & politics & TL/DR.

>> No.710991

AMERICAN PSYCHO/FIGHT CLUB: lol just messin'.

>> No.710999

Pride and Prejudice: Girl loves assburger guy, but can't admit it 'till the end.

>> No.711007

>>710918

Cool. Thanks.

>> No.711030

Someone make a chart of this!

>> No.711107

>>710978

Did the same to me.

>> No.711121

The Illuminatis!: EAT A DICK I'M A DOLPHIN

>> No.711125

Love In The Time of Cholera: Dick dick dick dick dick

>> No.711134
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711134

>>709698
Thanks man, now I don't have to read it.

>> No.711137

THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY:
Earth explodes, lots of aliens and a two head man, also 42

>> No.711139

WORLD WAR Z: Iron Maiden and The Lobo.

>> No.711143

The Silmarillion: Big words and milking my fathers legacy.

>> No.711144

Crime and Punishment=Jesus is a Whore

>> No.711161

THE TRIAL: whining banker gets killed by his own credulity

>> No.711362

KING LEAR: Old rich guy spoils daughters and goes crazy.

>> No.711402

>>711030
I second this. /lit/ has done well in this thread.

>> No.711641

Bravo /lit/ ! Archive

>> No.711648

Johnny Got His Gun: The inner thoughts of that horribly mangled veteran who you can't help but stare at. (he doesn't notice)

>> No.711682

A CLASH OF KINGS: Oh god, not another Bran chapter!

>> No.711687

GOOD OMENS: God trolls everyone.

>> No.711691

DISCWORLD: You wish the Earth was this awesome.

>> No.711692

The Idiot
War and Peace
Atlas Shrugged
Underworld
The Bilble, The Koran, The Tibetan book of the dead

tl;dr.

>> No.711746

IMPRIMATUR: Interesting things only happen to characters not followed in the book. Also, turns out the Pope is a jerk. Who knew?

>> No.711763

>>711682
His chapters get more interesting, just be patient. It's Theon you'll get sick of, srsly.

ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN: Turns out society is mostly assholes.
THE ART OF WARFARE: Fancy names for things that already have names, spies fucking rock.

>> No.711766

http://hubpages.com/hub/Top-10-Novels-Ive-Read

>> No.711854

The Mote in God's Eye: An anthropological study of a fast-evolving three-armed alien race that would displace humanity, so we lock them in their own star system.
The Gripping Hand: OH FUCK THEY'RE GETTING OUT.

>> No.711892

>>707330
Who's Kamina?

>> No.712123

>>709596

i'm reading the Aeneid now and fuck, i loled.

>> No.712133

>>711892
Yeah who the fuck is that? If anything Kamina is the modern day Neal Cassady. Whoever the hell he is.

>> No.712136

ULYSSES: just kidding, no one actually reads Ulysses

>> No.712144

Postal Office: I'm so drunk, burp

>> No.712145

>>712136
...I read Ulysses...I'm actually trying to write a paper on Joyce right now. FUCK that though, it's making my brain hurt.

ULYSSES: The climax is when Bloom jerks off.

>> No.712148
File: 104 KB, 700x650, Kamina.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
712148

>>712123
>>712133

>> No.712157

JULIUS CAESAR: Lawful Good is a shitty alignment, people get stabbed

>> No.712172

>>712148
Well, Cassady wasn't exactly manly. I mean, he was fucking awesome, don't get me wrong? But stereotypical Bruce Willis/Rambo/Shwarzenegger style man, not really. He was kinda fruity...

>> No.712180

SHIBUMI: Ninjas, that are not real, cavediving.

>> No.712200

Perdido Street Station: Scientist tries to help rapist bird, ends up unleashing monster moths, robots help fight them.

The Scar: a city of pirates decides to ride a giant fish to a hole in reality, then decide they don't want to.

>> No.712209

THE BLUEST EYE: Everyone thinks some black girl is ugly, her mother hates her, a cat gets thrown on her, her father rapes her, she poisons a dog, goes insane. America killed her.

>> No.712225
File: 57 KB, 469x608, Elmore Leonard.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
712225

PAGAN BABIES: Con man-priest and ex-con comedian try to get mobsters to give money to Rwanda, but then they'll take it instead. Hitmen are stupid.

>> No.712232

Flashman: Coward wants to get drunk and fuck bitches, ends up in Afghanistan. Pussies out of fights and everyone thinks he great, but his wife cheats on him.

>> No.712237

Flashman: Coward wants to get drunk and fuck bitches. Everyone thinks he's a hero. Cool story, bro.

>> No.712246

BORN STANDING UP: Being a struggling comedian sucks. Being a successful comedian sucks. Now make me laugh, monkey.

>> No.712254
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712254

The Hunter: Don't fuck with Parker, bitch.

The Man with the Getaway Face: Don't fuck with Parker, retard.

The Outfit: Don't fuck with Parker, mobsters.

>> No.712263

>>711137

YOU FORGOT YOUR FUCKING TOWEL!

>> No.712267

>>712263

TOWEL DAY WHOOOOOOO

>> No.712268

>>711763
Fancy names for things that already have names?

Sounds like sociology in a nutshell.

>> No.712373

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE: Violence is beautiful and milk tastes good. Droogs are not your droogs.

>> No.712378
File: 215 KB, 469x632, Phillip Marlowe.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
712378

The Big Sleep: Bitches, man.

>> No.712419

A FAREWELL TO ARMS: war and women are f---ing s---, let's get drunk all the time instead.

ALTERED CARBON: do NOT fuck with Takeshi Kovacs.

DUNE: the book is dedicated to 'dry-land geologists', that's really all you need to know.

THE SELFISH GENE: we are all hardcoded to be cunts of the highest order, also thereisnogod.

TRAINSPOTTING: Scotland takes drugs in psychic defence.

GERMINAL: Russian anarchist goes apeshit when fed his pet rabbit and floods a mine.

>> No.712553

Feed: the narrator, dies, even if its told on first person.

>> No.712662 [DELETED] 

The Importance of Being Earnest: Everything can be solved with a dash of wit.

>> No.712678

The Importance of Being Earnest: Everything can be solved with a sprinkle of wit.

>> No.712878

>>712268
FACTORS OF BATTLE ARE HEAVEN AND EARTH.
(weather and terrain)