/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.7040951]

>Called Neil Gaiman
>He's straight

[Anonymous No.7040972]

>>7040951
>called Homer
>not a yellow, middle-aged cartoon character

[Anonymous No.7040997]

>>7040951
>called Homer
>doesn't live in my hometown
>neither a fan of my local sports team
>nor anything entailed by >>7040972 who just beat me to it but who also started with

[Anonymous No.7041007]

>>7040951
>James Joyce
>is sad

>Paulo Coelho
>not a rabbit

[Anonymous No.7041013]

>>7040951
>called Pinecone
>destroys trees, doesn't give birth to them

[Anonymous No.7041023]

>>7040951
>Stanisław Lem
>nobody ever used him as a Lunar Excursion Module
>never even been to the moon

[Anonymous No.7041027]

>called Nietzsche
>known and read by everyone

[Anonymous No.7041034]

>called Thomas Hardye
>Hardye's Monument isn't named after him
#justdorsetthings

[Anonymous No.7041041]

>Called Wilde in 1895
>He actually goes to prison for it

[Anonymous No.7041043]

>>7040951
>Borges
>not a colelctive of cyber drones
>not a congeries of piano-playing comics

[Anonymous No.7041071]

>>7040951
>called Socrates
>he doesn't sell casualwear inspired in the uniforms worn by european football teams

[Anonymous No.7041290]

>Called Balzac
>Isn't testicles

[Anonymous No.7041353]

>David Foster Wallace
>was raised by his own parents

[Anonymous No.7041355]

>>7041290

[Anonymous No.7041382]

>called Woolf
>is human

[Anonymous No.7041418]

>Called Engels
>is German

[Anonymous No.7041423]

>justin bieber
>not a beaver
>just a cunt

[Anonymous No.7041480]

>Shakespeare
>Isn't a jolting fruit

[Anonymous No.7041487]

>>7041290
kekeroni maaan

[Anonymous No.7041498]

This thread turned out much better than I expected from the op.

[Anonymous No.7041507]

>>7041290
>>7041355

Another one:
> Called Cendrars
>Isn't made of ashes.

>Called Céline
>Isn't a canadian singer

[Anonymous No.7041516]

>Bachelard
>Had a wife

[Anonymous No.7041517]

>called Saul Bellow
>bit of a neb really

[Anonymous No.7041519]

>Called Stephen King
>Votes Democrat

[Anonymous No.7041521]

>called houellebecq
>probably dont even know who is gwen stefani

[Anonymous No.7041522]

>>7040951
nah

[Anonymous No.7041528]

>Called Gore Vidal
>Isn't a bull

[Anonymous No.7041541]

>called Machado de Assis
>not Assis' Axe

[Anonymous No.7041547]

>>7041034
it's Hardy

The Hardy Monument was named after someone called Thomas Hardy tho. And the Hardy monument is visible from Hardy's cottage

#wessex

[Anonymous No.7041567]

>>7041521
I don't get this one.

[Anonymous No.7041582]

>>7040951
He's actually a cuck. No joke. His wife Palmer, who he is having a kid with, fucks other people all the time and tells him about it.

http://www.out.com/entertainment/music/2012/09/20/amanda-palmer-neil-gaiman-open-relationship

I've never been comfortable in a monogamous relationship in my life. I feel like I was built for open relationships just because of the way I function," Palmer explained. "It's not a reactive decision like, 'Hey I'm on the road, you're on the road, let's just find other people.' It was a fundamental building block of our relationship. We both like things this way."

As many in the LGBT people decide to come out in multiple ways, it is also a struggle for people in non-monogamous relationships to "come out" about the creative ways in which they have decided to craft their loving situations. I wondered how Palmer and Gaiman have negotiated their own relationship.

"Our relationship is open, and the open-ness is grounded in total honesty with one another. We're very communicative with each other and we share everything. I think that's the way you gotta do it. I can't speak for anyone but myself, and there are a million ways to love and be in a relationship," Palmer said. "But fundamentally, I think if you're going to have a really, truly loving partnership, you have to be completely transparent, communicating and sharing everything. Neil and I fall more and more in love with each other every day, and I think part of that is because we encourage each other to say more, share more, to peel ourselves open to each other in the middle of the night when the day is done and the real talking happens. It's not always easy, the peeling sometimes hurts, but the deep love it fosters is clear to see."

[Anonymous No.7041592]

>>7041582
who cares

[Anonymous No.7041595]

>>7041521
Well played.

[Anonymous No.7041609]

>>7041582
Back to /pol/, shit-for-brains.

[Anonymous No.7041614]

>called Dante
>He's not an ultra cool video game character

[Anonymous No.7041620]

>called Plato
>isn't a dog

[Anonymous No.7041621]

>>7041582
The correct term is "cuckhold"

[Anonymous No.7041627]

>>7041621
Cuck is a meme abbreviation

[Anonymous No.7041635]

>>7041627
oh ok

[Anonymous No.7041704]

>>7041614
>called Virgil
>he's not an ultra cool video game character's ultra cooler bro

[Anonymous No.7041721]

>>7041582

Gaiman is notorious for banging barely legal fangirls, he's a degenerate but not a cuck.

[Anonymous No.7042648]

>called Mark Twain
>not a choo-choo
>nor a dog with a speech impediment
>neither was he two fathoms in measure

[Anonymous No.7042657]

>>7040951
>called H.G. Wells
>not at all a significant or reliable water source

[Anonymous No.7042679]

>>7040951
>called Isabel Allende
>most certainly is not a bell

[Anonymous No.7042687]

>>7040951
>called Francis Bacon
>nuh-uh it's a whole country

[Anonymous No.7042702]

>>7040951
>called Soren Kierkegaard
>not a cemetary

[Anonymous No.7042711]

>>7040951
>called Lord Byron
>was actually byronic so this one's OK

[Anonymous No.7042714]

>>7040951
>called Truman Capote
>a true man with that voice?

[Anonymous No.7042720]

>called Anne Sexton
>doesn't have much sex

>called William S. Burroughs
>not underground

[Anonymous No.7042723]

>>7040951
>Called George Orwell
>He's actually Eric Arthur Blair

[Anonymous No.7042732]

>>7040951
>called Umberto Eco
>not a dolphin
>no discernible echo when he speaks

[Anonymous No.7042734]

>>7041582
>Implying Gaiman doesn't get mad tween audience pussy
He's probably one of the few men in the world that are coming out on top of an "open relationship" scenario

[Anonymous No.7042743]

>>7040951
>F. Scott Fitzgeerald
>What did Scott Fitzgerald ever do to you?

[Anonymous No.7042747]

>>7040951
>called Maxim Gorky
>not a park in Moscow

[Anonymous No.7042755]

>>7042747
In all fairness, that park was actually named after him.

[Anonymous No.7042758]

>called Graham Greene
>beige

[Anonymous No.7042770]

>called Hemingway
>no discernible sewing technique

[Anonymous No.7042775]

>>7041521

[Anonymous No.7042788]

>Chris Hedges
>hates Bush

[Anonymous No.7042798]

>called Victor Hugo
>those awards weren't even around back then for him to win
>not really of the genre anyway

[Anonymous No.7042799]

>>7041521
>>7041595
>>7042775

But that's not how it's pronounced...

[Anonymous No.7042814]

>called H.P. Lovecraft
>hateful

[Anonymous No.7042819]

>>7042755
>thatsthejoke.gif

[Anonymous No.7042953]

>called Carl Jung
>old

[Anonymous No.7043140]

>called Alfred Tennyson
>he only had two sons

[Anonymous No.7043266]

>>7043140

[Anonymous No.7043293]

>>7042953
I don't get it.

[AZAZAZAZAZAZAZAZA No.7043305]

>>7043293
underaged ban or what?
>doesn't pronounce Jung as Yung

[Anonymous No.7043308]

>>7043305
thanks

[Anonymous No.7043309]

>Richard Stallman
>uses a urinal

[Anonymous No.7043310]

>Shakespeare
>never even held a weapon, let alone shook one.

[Anonymous No.7043322]

>kant
>never saw any besides his mothers

[Anonymous No.7043326]

>>7043310

[Anonymous No.7043333]

>Don DeLilo
>only has one heart

[AZAZAZAZAZAZAZAZA No.7043338]

>virgil
>had intercourse with patrician women probably every day

[Anonymous No.7043344]

>Immanuel Kant
>actually a proponent of manual labor (assuming doing said labor fulfilled ones duty)

[Anonymous No.7043347]

>>7043310
>didn't shake any pear either

[AZAZAZAZAZAZAZAZA No.7043351]

>Marx
>communism never quite hit the mark

[Anonymous No.7043356]

>>7043347
>he pronounces it 'shakes pear'
Wut?

[Anonymous No.7043363]

>John Stuart Mill
>never once crushed grain into flour

[Anonymous No.7043388]

>>7041290

[Anonymous No.7043519]

>called Tennessee Williams
>born and raised is Mississippi and Missouri
>spent adult life in Missouri, New York, Rome, Barcelona, Key West, New Orleans, and London
>died in New York, interred in Missouri

[Anonymous No.7043552]

>>7041353
I got it

[Anonymous No.7043567]

This is the shittest thread I've ever read on /lit/

congrats faggots

[Anonymous No.7043571]

>>7040951
>Called Dan Brown
>Actually white

[Anonymous No.7043575]

>Alberto Caeiro
>Ricardo Reis
>Álvaro de Campos
>they are not related

[Anonymous No.7043617]

>gene wolfe
>has human genes

[Anonymous No.7043663]

>called Lemony Snicket
>is not a lemon
>is not a snicket
>that's not even his real name

[Anonymous No.7044148]

>>7043663
i seriously thought that was his real name until i was in my late teens

[Anonymous No.7044182]

>>7042799
thats the joke

[Anonymous No.7044191]

This fucking thread

[Anonymous No.7044225]

>Bret Easton Ellis
>Born on the east coast

[Anonymous No.7045034]

>>7041382
she looks like a qt

[Anonymous No.7045037]

>Wolfe
>He's human

[Anonymous No.7045040]

>>7041480
>does not waggle his polearm

[Anonymous No.7045056]

>>7041582
when girls like that talk about that shit it means they like to fool around with other girls too
its perfectly legit

[Anonymous No.7045093]

>>7042799

You do know what a visual pun is right? It would be kind of embarrassing to be on a lit board add post that with full sincerity.

[Anonymous No.7045118]

>lynch
>byrne
>USA celebrates them

[Anonymous No.7045120]

>>7045037
>Woolf
>She was a fox ;-]

[Anonymous No.7045707]

Is that the same guy.

[Anonymous No.7045745]

>Pynchon
>prefers to squeeze or bite, really

>Melville
>not a town of mellophone players

>Calvino
>not a Hispanic named Calvin

[Anonymous No.7045822]

Called Virginia Woolf
>has an old man's face

[Anonymous No.7045846]

>called Jane Austen
>no mention in her biography of her ever doing a Stone Cold Stunner

[Anonymous No.7045871]

>Vladimir Nabukov
>Not related to Giuseppe Verdi in any way

[Anonymous No.7046256]

>Tao Lin
>Doesn't throw the towel in.

[Anonymous No.7046398]

>>7040951
>called Frankenstein
>not the monster
>actually is a monster in his own right
>no, he really isn't after all

[Anonymous No.7046874]

>Lovecraft
>not an erotica master, doesn't even have romance in his works

[Anonymous No.7046905]

>>7041043
it's pronounced bor-hes, pleb

[Anonymous No.7046968]

>William Gibson
>never gave a son

or did he?

[Anonymous No.7047219]

>called Kafka
>actually dies of tuberculosis

[Anonymous No.7047230]

>called Mary Shelley
>not a crustacean

>called JK Rowling
>never kids

[Anonymous No.7047243]

>Joseph Heller
>Writes about Earth

[Anonymous No.7047249]

>Gunter Grass
>Not a plant

[AZAZAZAZAZAZAZAZA No.7047252]

>>7046968
His son, unfortunately, exists entirely on the sixth dimension, an enigmatic product of him and his 2d waifu.

[Anonymous No.7047318]

>>7041382
>called Woolf
>is amassive qt holy God why can't she live in our times ;_;

[Anonymous No.7047341]

>>7047318
She literally only looks remotely attractive in profile.

[Anonymous No.7047362]

>David Lynch
> Strung out but not strung up (haha)

[Anonymous No.7047411]

>>7046905
I know how it's pronounced. I also know how things are spelled.

[Anonymous No.7047426]

>Jack London
>is not a cute girl

[Anonymous No.7047448]

>Franz Kafka
>not intelligent, nihilistic and with a wicked sense of humor

[Anonymous No.7047546]

>Augustine of Hippo
>parents were BOTH human

[Anonymous No.7047590]

>Max Stirner
>Actually does have a large forehead in the drawing

[Anonymous No.7047602]

>>7047546
It means harbour and he was born in a harbour city

[Anonymous No.7047605]

>>7047590
That's why he was called Max Stirner, you Flachschädel. His real name was Johann Caspar Schmidt.

[Anonymous No.7047630]

>>7047602
This is not the thread you're looking for.

[Anonymous No.7047636]

>>7047605
>Johann Caspar Schmidt
>not a blacksmith king bringing gifts to gracious Jesus

[Anonymous No.7047639]

>Haruki 'Murricami
>born in asia

[Anonymous No.7047642]

>>7047636
>Johann "Caspar" Schmidt
>does not spook
A friendly ghost indeed.

[Anonymous No.7047650]

>>7047639
Isn't a commie.

[Anonymous No.7048319]

>>7046905
>bore, he's

[Anonymous No.7048344]

>Newton
>rarely left home, let alone town

[Anonymous No.7048356]

>>7048344
But he did come up with tons of new stuff.

[Anonymous No.7048384]

>called Edgar Allen Poe
>is actually well off financially

[Anonymous No.7048531]

>>7040951
>Marquis de Sade
>is a sadist

[Anonymous No.7048594]

>Laurence Sterne
>rather jolly actually

[Anonymous No.7048602]

>>7040951
>called Sigmund Freud
>he's actually a fraud

[Anonymous No.7048710]

>named Don Quixote
>be quixotic

[Anonymous No.7049653]

> Michael Moorcock
> not a gay whore


there used to be a usenet forum for discussion of his books. at least half the posts there were unwitting advertisements for gay whores.

[Anonymous No.7049668]

Just like his books.

[Anonymous No.7049681]

>HP Lovecraft
>no they don't, they make printers and laptops

[Anonymous No.7049744]

>>7049681

No they make condiments

[Anonymous No.7049752]

>>7048710
>named Kafka
>is kafkesque

[Anonymous No.7049764]

>>7045118
Both of them have really great hair for their age, while im bald in my mid 20s

[Anonymous No.7049797]

>>7041621
its cuckold

[Anonymous No.7049815]

>>7049797
it's cockold

[Anonymous No.7049817]

>>7049815

*Cock cold

[Anonymous No.7049894]

>called mark twain
>is a cuck

[Anonymous No.7049902]

>>7047318
Plath is hotter

[Anonymous No.7049946]

>>7040951
>wanted to call Schoppenhauer
>nobody knows him but they advise me to call Hegel instead

[Anonymous No.7050241]

>Anton Chekhov
>no space opera

[Anonymous No.7050252]

>>7040951
He should be called Neil Straightman.

[Anonymous No.7050403]

>>7048602
S A V A G E
A
V
A
G
E

[Anonymous No.7050779]

>>7046874

Seriously. Nigga wasted his talent on writing bleak fiction when he could've stolen Casanova's thunder.

[Anonymous No.7050786]

>called Alan Moore
>he actually keeps all and more inside that beard of his