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/lit/ - Literature

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6939667 No.6939667 [Reply] [Original]

Ok /lit/, what do you guys think of my writing?

https://www.wattpad.com/78950647-ten-levels-prologue-thanksgiving-dinner

>> No.6939668

FYI This is intended to be a psychological horror. Let me know if I should keep it up.

>> No.6939683

Awsome! I really liked that part about the fish and the cherry pie! Great stuff haha!

>> No.6939690

>>6939683
You didn't read the story did you?

>> No.6939710

>>6939690
Na but you should add in something about the parts I talked about. Good luck!

>> No.6939715

Im not signing up for shit. Post an excerpt

>> No.6939718

>>6939667
well, you wanted to read what i think, so here we go:
starting with a boring description of a happy family, in which nothing is said about anything that woud distinguish these ppl from any stereotypical subarbian family, and continuing with flat dialogue this wa snot very entertaining.
"dinner was good"
"thank you"
*son smears gravy over his face while eating
blublblu

the out of nothing we have soldiers in the room, the light goes out and action should start.
but it doesnt.
your writing style does not change on bit and in two sentences the father has grabbed the daughter and rans away.
wtf dude.
seems like the beginning of an intentionally aweful b movie.
i stopped reading there.

i guess you put most of your energy in coming up with an interestening name for the main charcter instead of creating interestening characters themselves.
1/10

this is my opinion.
and: practice makes better..
and: READ MORE!

>> No.6939757

It's terrible. Prose. Grammar. Syntax. Sentence variation. Character names. Pacing. Dialogue. All fucking terrible.

>> No.6939785

>>6939667
Where's the continuity? Everything just sort of... happens. Honestly, maybe you should consider giving up writing, for everyone's sake.

>> No.6939797

Is this actually fucking yours?

>> No.6939808

>>6939667
Take this awful shit to r/writing or something.

>> No.6939831

>>6939667
If her name is pronounced Ekthra, name her Ekthra...
dropped.

>> No.6939847

Has anyone been able to read the whole thing yet?

>> No.6939854

>>6939847
looked over about 50%
its stays horrible
ary dudes say that she will become important to their project or something.
absolute waste of bytes

>> No.6939898

>>6939847
I did. I thought it might at least be "so-bad-it's-good"-tier, but no. It's just plain bad.

>> No.6939904

>One-Eye
>Joker's name and death
>Blood everywhere

>> No.6939914

>>6939904
Another thing I'd noticed. Blood appears so much, one might think it'd be used as some kind of motif. Whoever had thought that, however, was obviously not the person who wrote this garbage.

>> No.6940284

Wow. You guys brutal. Any tips though?

>> No.6941717

>>6940284
Quit. You will never be a good writer. Stop writing and read more.

>> No.6941731

What is the most important thing in book you're reading? Is it story, form, language?

>> No.6941734

>>6940284
Drink more, i mean a lot more, also drink before and while writing.

>> No.6941810
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6941810

>>6939785
lol. This is one of the best posts of 4chan.

>> No.6941835

>echthra - enmity
>abaddon - destroyer

>muh bibble names