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/lit/ - Literature

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File: 140 KB, 1090x755, kandinsky.comp-8.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
[ERROR] No.6833357 [Reply] [Original]

old one died. critique, get critiqued. here's mine. i'm new to free verse. hate all you want:

What is that girded steel of logic,
That bloodless, blue-lipped utterance which says,
“Certainly you shall die – it is so”?
What is it, as I sit here, arms encircled around my love,
Our skins swelling with blood? Could the hot trace
Of her lips destroy its tyranny? Delivering me
To cloudy sublimity - time, space, all a jumble,
Kant is defeated. Causation goes down the tubes,
I cannot order this tempest of ear-beating sound,
In arcing coronas it surges, and she, the noumeon,
A thing kept in infinite estrangement, but near,
The cause of all this sense,
Of red, red, red! Oh, red her lips!
Red, wet, breath, oh, love, love -
God, she is with me!

>> No.6833369

Can we talk about why abstract art is pretentious shit instead?

>> No.6834214

>>6833357
higher res of that pic plz
>>6833369
>can't appreciate aesthetics

>> No.6834215

>>6833369
nah dude kandinsky is a bro

>> No.6834219

>>6833369
If you knew anything about Kandinsky you'd realise that was an extremely stupid thing to say.

>> No.6834225

It sounds nice but thematically boring tbh, OP

>> No.6834227

>>6834219
If you knew anything about my cock you wouldn't suck it so much because I have AIDS.

>> No.6834240
File: 483 KB, 1600x1067, kandinsky-composition-vii-1913.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
[ERROR]

What's everyone's favorite Kandinsky? Mine is Comp 7.

>> No.6834242

lets get ascetic like i learned a new word
in myself roll up
outside: fuck the grass
5 days a week
community center
eat my own ass
hypertrophy insulin metabolic window
whey and 3-5 rep ranges

dear dudes under 5'9",
the best ur gonna get is JGL in Don Jon
so stop your bulk
you look like a bowling ball
Sincerely (goOOttttum),
5'6" 170.

im bulkin the fuck up to hype myself
as that new 13 years younger than tao lin
post-vegan post-alt fuck a flanel age of lit
no fuckin way steve roggenbuck can bench bodyweight.
scrub.
leyner tried this shit but he aint got no characters
bitch i got 6 and theyre all based on different freckles on my dick
fuck, shit spoken word deaf grips
cheaply try-abrasive for that i-aint-no-bitch card hand
what's your brand?
Muscletech

>> No.6834255

>>6834227
You don't get AIDS from oral, virgin

>> No.6834258

>>6834255
>Oral sex is less risky than anal or vaginal sex – but HIV still can enter through open cuts and sores, or possibly by infecting the lining of the mouth.

Unlucky for you, dumbass, my cock is lined with razorblades.

>> No.6834646

I know neither how or why

People compliment my poems,
but when I read them
they pale
like someone seeing their father in the mirror.
-

Now /lit/, have I made it clear enough that it is the poems that "pale" and not the people who sometimes read them?

>> No.6834665

>>6834646
I'm this guy.
Forgot to critique.

>>6833357
Certainly archaic in tone; the ending, less so, but still.
The rhythm is fine.
It feels like you're taking free verse seriously.
What is the title?
Does it have something to do with the painting?

>> No.6834677

>>6833357
The word use does not feel personal.
Especially this part: "her lips destroy its tyranny? Delivering me To cloudy sublimity".
Especially "tyranny".

"Causation goes down the tubes" does not have this problem. Though I dont think it is without problems either. I do not know which.

>> No.6834748

>>6834240
yello-red-blue, wish I could get a high res pic of it though

>> No.6834755

>>6833357
Sucks
>>6834242
kill yourself and I mean this sincerely not even memeing i want you to die
>>6834646
retard

>> No.6834848

Under the evening moon
the snail
is stripped to the waist.

>> No.6834868

I’m a socially anxious attention whore.

I actively draw attention to myself
and then shrink from the moments
I’ve designed.
I push myself to the glory front
of movements I create
and then smile awkwardly and blush as if
I’ve been thrust there externally.

And perhaps that’s the affectation on its own.
It’s as if my populist backing is a PR team
and any swaggering on my part
carries the earnestly awkward modesty
of Tim Duncan at a post-game interview.
I’m Paul Pierce calling game and shit-talking the bench
and then going gauche “it was nothing” Kawhi Leonard
to the cameras.

But that’s some under the surface shit, then.
I talk myself into my swag and then
revert to civilian after I verbally savage stunt
on the small-time localized powers that b

>> No.6835178

>>6834868
How's life treating you these days Kolsti?

>> No.6835190

>>6834868
This is literally one of the worst things I've ever read in one of these threads

>> No.6835203

In the Aeroplane over the Metro
by Anonymous

The apparition of this soft, sweet Jewess
Semen on a wet, black mountaintop

>> No.6835213

>>6835203
Interesting as fuck

>> No.6835219

>>6835213
you are a fag dude

>> No.6835231

>>6835219
Interesting as fuck.

>> No.6835235
File: 98 KB, 1077x1441, lmao.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
[ERROR]

>>6835231

>> No.6835245

>>6835235
That's not ice cream
That's interesting as fuck

>> No.6835282

The soul lies not within the body of man
But within the dominion of the Earth
To be sought out and set free
And found again at Heaven's Gate

>> No.6835324

I'm not sure what to say to the others; I'm new to poetry so my views are unqualified.

A fruit fallen before it's ripe,
Spilt milk gone sour; a stale gripe.
A leaf that falls and lands still green,
A gift dismissed but never seen.

>> No.6835327

>>6835282
>>6835324
Interesting as fuck

>> No.6835340

>>6835327
Is this a new meme?

>> No.6835357

>>6835340
>new
sup newfag

>> No.6835368

>>6835357
I'm not new to /lit/. Maybe I just don't pay enough attention.

>> No.6835380

>>6835368
it's the hottest meme being revived atm

join in, it's really simple:

>>6833357
interesting as fuck

>> No.6835384

>>6835340
not interesting as yuck

>> No.6835786

A circle of people forms around a burning woman,
As a communal stagnation impedes any of them from acting; she is being punished.

Kids watch her, along with their parents and friends.

One kid observes quietly his father's rage, surprised at his instigating, furious screams;
And he learns that this is life.

The woman's body convulses and she agonizes,
A schoolgirl, in her uniform, contemplates the pain in dismay, hands covering her mouth;
She learns that this is life.

Everyone is petrified, everyone stands observing, they watch and learn.

Most don't know what crime or offense the woman committed, but they are now aware
Of the punishment.

'Justice was served', the father told the kid hesitantly, as they ate dinner.
The kid hadn't asked him a thing, but the father seemed to have felt the need to say it.

>> No.6835800

>>6835786
Interesting as fuck

>> No.6835806

>>6835786
Intradasting as tbh Brother

>> No.6835807

>>6835800
Die.

>> No.6835819

>>6835807
Interesting as fuck