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/lit/ - Literature

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6645749 No.6645749 [Reply] [Original]

Please describe to me what you were feeling and thinking about while going through your existential crisis.

I remember feeling alone. I was thinking about giving up on everything. I hoped to stop existing.

>> No.6645761

>>6645749
I remember I fucked off to >>>/r9k/ and >>>/adv/ instead of shitting up a board about reading and writing.

>> No.6645765

>>6645761
You should have stayed there.

>> No.6645767

I nearly killed myself. Then I woke up and understood that there's nothing beyond life and I might as well fuck a lot.

Feels good being a hedonist.

>> No.6645782

>>6645767
Doesn't persuing happiness just worsen things up when you realise how fucked up the world really is? Even if you try to be happy it will paradoxically end up in misery.

>> No.6645793

>>6645782
I've gotten very good at ignoring things until they get right in my face. I know its somewhat of a coping mechanism, but since we're all going to die and humanity will eventually go extinct, then anything I worry about ultimately doesn't matter and I can just focus on my pursuit of pleasure, physical and mental.

That being said, I do plan on killing myself before I turn 60.

>> No.6645794

>>6645749
>>6645761
>>6645765
>>6645767
>>6645782
You should all kill yourself instead of posting on /lit/

>> No.6645796

>>6645749
bored, and upset about being bored

>> No.6645801

>>6645793
I'll also kill myself around that time unless I become really happy or find a way to rationalize why not to kill myself.

>> No.6645812

>>6645801
If I have kids or grandkids then ill probably just focus my life on spoiling them at that point. They'd be a great reason to live, provided they're not cunts, in which case I'm burning all of my possessions and then blowing my brains out on whatever people or objects that made them so.

>> No.6646052

>>6645749
Being sorry for existing and having no purpose to life.

>> No.6646092

You're pathetic.

>> No.6646096

>>6646092
Why?

>> No.6646115
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6646115

It felt like I was losing my sanity
Every time I learned something new, it made me question everything else, like everything I previously thought was wrong
I started coming up with maxims to keep myself sane, then I ended up discovering the merkabah

>> No.6648047

bump

>> No.6648067

1. I cant even imagine how big the universe is, let alone understand it
2. No one will remember me no matter what I do
3. There is no way out

>> No.6648077

I was like, Is this it? Have I solved the riddle of all philosophy? Is the reason philosophy's still going on because all those who solve it immediately kill themselves? Then I called for an urgent counsellor's appointment and was told to chill out, I was just a teenager, and maybe this was an interesting thought I'd had, but if I stuck it out, I might some day have other thoughts that would challenge it. I said alright and promised not to kill myself and went home and played World of Warcraft.

>> No.6648117

I still am, one of the reasons I started reading so much over the last few years

>> No.6649292

>>6646115
Dude I'm currently in that state you are describing, what did you do ? Please tell me, it's fucked up.

>> No.6649426

>>6645749
I was having dreams for 6-8 months. It started as 'fun' experiments at first, thinking about death casually and 'staring' to the blackness when I closed my eyelids at a dark room, completely black.

Then I started to focus on singular spot at the darkness, think how large the.. space is where everything exists - and then 'try' to scale myself against it - at this point I would usually wake up from sleep by shaking heavily. I don't know what happened, when I was trying to understand how small and everything we are - when I was 'close' to understanding how huge the space is - it's like I had a reset on my brain to protect me and it woke me up every time.

Then I started to think more and more about dying. Various scenarios where I would die. Crossing the street and truck slams me and half of me is in its hood and half in the fucking asphalt. Some of these visions were much more vivid than others and lasted longer, the feelings and emotions. I dropped myself from skyscrapers and imagined dying half way, imagined dying when hitting the ground, imagined having my hands glued to my head and rope around my neck. I usually went through 10 scenarios a night.

The dreams/experiments escalated the longer I did them and I started to being fucking scared of sleeping and death and started to feel hollow and alone.

I think its apex was when I was just dreaming of someone coming to shoot an office I was working in, I was at a desk, fell over the chair when someone started shooting at the other end of the office - thought I was hiding from the shooter, saw him pass by office and then for some reason he turns around, sees me, and shoots me in the head and I recall thinking 'shit luck'. I felt my brains/head/mind going numb at the moment I imagined the bullet being shot, and somehow I felt my brain just shutdown part by part and I didn't feel my body parts anymore and couldn't think anymore anything else than 'shit luck'.

>> No.6649433

>>6649426
I know it's vain to assume what I felt was death or anything close to it, and especially cocky to think that dying is just about shit luck, but after this I really thought I had experienced death/understood the moment of final breath, cocky as fuck, but after this I felt at peace with dying.

and I was glad, because the last 4 months were fucking terrible.

Though when I see babies I still want to shoot myself right then and there, blow my brains out, but that has more to do with serious self hate.

>> No.6649463
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6649463

>>6645749
Felt a sense of emptiness and futility mostly from previously harbouring wrong expectations about the world, mostly unconsciously or at least not deliberately. When I came to terms with things as they were eventually it got better.

You should not only start with the Greeks but ultimately end there as well.

>> No.6649538

>>6649463
Tell me more about your false expectations?

>> No.6649544

>>6645749
euphoric

>> No.6649615

>>6649538
I guess all the general shit they generally peddle to children about purpose and morality and one's place in life and what one ought to do and in which ways and how it fits into the bigger picture et cetera.

Middle class secular humanist liberal ideology, mostly.