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/lit/ - Literature


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6620783 No.6620783 [Reply] [Original]

Write what's on your mind

>> No.6620789

"If this thread was on reddit, I would downvote it"

>> No.6620795

これメルドは何ですか
Heeeeeyaheeeeey, koremerdewanandesuka?

>> No.6620799

These chicken fingers are delicious Plato's early dialogues are surprisingly fucking tedious holy shit I love Star Trek even though to be honest like half the episodes are pretty shitty

>> No.6620814

>>6620783
Steve McQueen jumped the first one clean, but the great escape he'd tried to make was not to be. Maybe next time, Steve.

>> No.6620815

>>6620783
macaronic language
O dieu qu'il m'a donnée la souffrance have mercy on me. O lawd

>> No.6620825
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6620825

the regan girl /lit/ is obsessed with (started coming here yesterday) is a shittier version of fantano with a weirder, more sexualized cult-following, and a very less nuanced intellectual grasp of the art she's reviewing than fantano has.

>> No.6620827

>>6620799
would hang out with
have you read euthyphro

>> No.6620829

>>6620825
in fairness, I've been coming here for years, and this is literally the first time I've seen this person

you're not wrong, tho

>> No.6620833
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6620833

"Something interesting should happen already"

>> No.6620839
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6620839

>>6620825
>started coming here yesterday)
Prove it mister.

>> No.6620846

I wish I enjoyed readingas much as I enjoy reading the Internet. It's embarrassing.

>> No.6620860

>>6620839
first impressions of /lit/:

1. dfw is nothing more than a meme
2. everybody loves themselves some buzzwords
3. YA is pathetic, and john green is the sacrificial lamb at the alter of /lit/ snobs who h8 what their lesser peers are enjoying
4. existential crises galore, all thinly veiled by discussion of religion, drugs, or philosophy.

>> No.6620861

>>6620846
Ditto friend.

>> No.6620864

>>6620825
She's not trying to be fantano or even a shitty Marcel with some sort of critical aspiration. She's just some person talking about books she likes and /lit/ losers fap to that.

>Fantano is now the face of "intellectually grasping art"

>> No.6620868

I have an appointment in the afternoon, I don't know when.

If I fail to attend, these people will stop the money I get from the government for being a shut-in with behavioural problems.

This is fair, as I've entered into a contract with them, however, I'm not as concerned about this as I'm told I should be.

As I retreat more into my own personal fantasy, it becomes harder to concentrate on real things, and they begin to seem distant and unimportant, like that scream from the street that you shut out at four AM, and turn over in your bed to forget.

I'll miss the money, next week, of course, but I can rationalize it all away, even knowing deep down I just didn't want to get out of bed.

>> No.6620875

>>6620783
I'm excited to read more books.

>> No.6620880

I like reading and writing, so why does english class suck classical english dick so much?

>> No.6620882

>>6620864
>Fantano is now the face of "intellectually grasping art"

relative to that chick, yes. honestly though, he devotes a ridiculous amount of time to music, and has cultivated a fantastic sense of taste which he always backs up logic and thoughtfulness. I might not always agree with him, but I always can always be like "hm. I understand where he's coming from."

>> No.6620891

>>6620783
I just finished reading The Metamorphasis, In the Penal Colony, and numerous other Kafka short stories. I feel like I have a solid grasp on them, but am putting off starting The Trail because while I find his works to be extremely high quality, I don't really enjoy reading them.

I always like reading non-fiction, the news, or textbooks because I am interested by events, I just have a hard time getting into a story that really has no bearing on the real world, but idk maybe I'm a giant fucking pleb ;^/

>> No.6620892

>>6620860
The dfw memeing is post-post-irony

>> No.6620946
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6620946

Today at work a guy who had quit was visiting to say hi and when I went up to greet him he was very unfriendly to me and I can't stop thinking about this it's really bothering me ..

>> No.6620975

>>6620946
nearly this same thing happened to me yesterday. Except I think I was the mean one. I can't tell a lot of the time

>> No.6620982

I'm starting to fall for the other woman.

>> No.6621108
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6621108

I don't really believe a thing she says. Another girl is involved and, while I look forward to interrogating her (a real skill of mine), I almost don't want to hear what I know to be the truth
I told myself that if it turns out she wasn't lying, I'd really go for her and treat her right. But I think that's just a part of the game I play with myself.

Life is lacking in momentum. Though I have a tendency toward control and hunger for knowledge (I've used a girl not liking to admit she's raped as a control experiment to see if she was lying about something else, going back and forth between the two), I've realized that a visceral life is more stimulating

I think the favorite moment in my life so far was a year ago. Being drunk for a few days straight, each sip feeling amazing. She was this good looking, kind of man eating slut that I was intimidated by. We were listening to a lot of Lana Del Rey that day and she'd sing along 'RyAnn!' replacing the song's 'My Mann'
That morning we had woke up at 3am, drunk, and started drinking. She said she was never going to get married, and I told her I was going to marry her.
That day she called her mom and said she was going to marry me
I don't think I've ever loved anything as much as I loved her that day


Soon after the story above I lost my job, then, because of the girl, I kind went crazy, got 5150'd and kicked out
This habit of mine might get in the way of my urge to make money, but I think the thought of doing this on a grander scale is arousing

>>6620799
I found it weird that he was a fag

>> No.6621120

I should go to sleep so I'm not so tired that I show up late to my new job again. I really want to play some games though.

I really want to fuck my roommate/ex HS crush (again). Why the fuck did she walk out of her room in her underwear with a sheen of leftover shower water on her skin?

I really want to fuck in general, actually, but she's around and we've fucked before, sooo...

I should read something so I can participate in /lit/ discussions at some point. Or at least recognize who's spewing bullshit more effectively.

I'm experiencing mental tension with my job even though the work isn't slimy or even profiting anyone directly yet. This may be a broader tension with working in general. This may be a broader yet tension with having a consistent schedule and approaching financial comfort. That shouldn't produce tension, should it?

My poetry feels like a waste of time but I'm still compelled to write.

>> No.6621136

I have a strong desire to start writing short stories but lack the experience to even know where to start and have to much fear of producing shallow trash.

>> No.6621152

should I close this thread or reply to somebody's post? I feel like telling the poster above me that a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, but I guess I won't. Oh well, I hope they figure it out on their own. I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed now.

>> No.6621158

"I was frozen, today"
With Debussy in the background

>> No.6621167
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6621167

>>6621158

>> No.6621185

I feel kind of guilty for not reading anything in a long time. I feel like if I bought an e-reader it would motivate me, but I can't really justify spending the money on a new gadget I might not even use much. I'm pretty torn.

>> No.6621187

What if Las Vegas wasn't just a tourist trap, but a time traveler trap?

>> No.6621207

>>6621167
Das it man

I was at about 45min

>> No.6621209

Sıkılmak bile sıkıcı değil artık

>> No.6621210
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6621210

>>6621108
That didn't come out like I wanted it to
And
>not liking to admit she's been* raped

>> No.6621214

I need to be provided with structures. I'm only interested in discussing structures. Otherwise I'm wasting my time. I need a structure to overcome a break up. After years of... I felt the urge to hit 'esc' and not post this because I was afraid my post would be trite. Imagined another man groping my ex gf boobs and this made me feel grief and loss. Brainless. Brainless tumor. Being stuck in these kinds of grief makes your world smaller. You start caring about small things. You forget your purpose, you forget how to feel. You won't be famous or remembered if you keep paying attention to this. Ok. I don't know how to cope so... should I ask my mother about this again? Not confessional prose again, please, at least don't make judgments or statements. Only facts. You abandoned your friend, maybe he felt the way you feel now. Maybe mabye ah bah bah bah. Feeling trite. I was negligent. To be interested in structures and to need structures makes me prone to be a victim of trite things. Again, that's a judgment but I'm not sure. I can't discern. Never read the Greeks. Ok, I get it. Those give you the fundamental structures. You've been wasting your time. Nobody has time for that. Not me. Excuses. All of them. Just kill yourself. Forget about killing yourself. That's not a thought you can rely on. You don't always want to kill yourself. Uncertainty in the brain almost perpetually. Just forget about it. Self-help sentiments. Is that what... Uh.

>> No.6621215

Is part of the pain due to the persuasive lie that we have personal agency in the forms of liberty, equality, freedom, etc.?

Like Zizek claims with his story about the traditional authoritarian boss vs. the modern friendly boss: the pain of forced cooperation against your interests under the threat of punishment is easier to handle than the pain of someone convincing you that you WANT to work against your interests. Big Brother doesn't whip you until you comply, he bores into your brain and controls your thoughts. He CHANGES you.

Failures of design and circumstance have been transferred onto us. Serfs never had to worry about getting ahead. It was made very clear that they never would. When modern systems fail us, it is in fact OUR FAULT. College is too costly? Work harder. Go into debt. Or you are a huge loser failure. You don't want to be a loser. You love to work hard. You are fine with payments. You love to learn new things. Can't miss out on those college parties!

Why can't they lay it out bare? It will actually hurt our feeling less. YES we require a degree to hire you. YES we are jacking up tuition to build a football stadium. YES the professor has a new edition of his handout that you can only get at the university bookstore. Give it to me straight, Mr. Dean! I don't want this, you wan't this. HR wants this. They are scrambling my brain up and making me feel bad.

>> No.6621218

I woke up early and I feel bad, although I'm not sure why. I need to go to an interview at a university I really want to go to and I'm rather anxious about not making it, albeit there's no reason for me to be doubting that I won't.
I am also forced to do work-related recreational things because my boss insists that if we would it'd help our ability to work. Things like sports and such.

>> No.6621221

Last time I saw her, she had "say yes" written in sharpie on her left arm. A cloth bracelet that had a sewn patch on her right. She must have sewn it in herself, it said "love" in a cursive pink. She told me she used to be a candy kid, and I could tell by her mannerisms that she'd never hurt a thing in the world, except maybe herself. To see her smile the way she did tore me in two, but not in the bullshit teenager way. This was a full grown this-girl-is-basically-married-and-will-never-see-me-in-that-light kinda way. And here I am crying about it in a mongolian yurt making factory, in some sort of stupid and confused frenzy that I can't express anywhere else in the world.

On the other hand, I want to feel this way. I want to take all of the nice feelings of love and just concentrate them in a person I can't ever be with. That way, I can focus on my work. It doesn't help me sleep at night, but having a tiny corner of my life where I can just bury all my feelings is the easiest way to avoid feeling brokenhearted, or abandoned, and in a way, lonely.

Because I accepted all of these things at least a year ago, I accepted that's how I'm going to feel and goddamn it, I'd rather move on with my life and try to create something with some sort of artistic merit than try to cure those feelings.

Maybe next time i'll choose not to see her at all

>> No.6621227

that feel when no gf

>> No.6621239

>>6621210

You mean you didn't mean to sound like a complete asshole, or that you did mean to sound like an asshole?

You actually come across as just an asshole.

>> No.6621243

>>6621227
This, basically. It saves you a lot time and effort. USE IT.

>> No.6621269

The last few months I've been progressivelly feeling more and more that I should, nay that I need to find someone to love. That wouldn't be all that bad in itself, but I also feel like everywhere I go, I'm surrounded by basic people. It's not that I don't have fun or enjoy the stuff I do...it just feels like months since I talked to a real person. And it's all the worse that I have this image, this anima, haunting me - I fall for every other chick I meet, only to realize over and over that there's nothing mysterious or interesting about her, her or her. I'm affraid of the possibility that nothing can compare to the bizzarely numinous experience I had the first time falling in love.

I don't know, maybe the problem is that I'm slowly unbecoming a person myself - too lost in my books and wild theories of the reality, I become distant from what was once relevant. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm either a schizo or pratyekabuddha - either way, I'm fucking lonely, with just my family of the dead to keep me company.

>> No.6621273

She is my spliced half. My heartrate spikes and I start to fidget when thinking of her. She has restored my faith in the human capability for romantic love, and I can't have her because I am in a loveless bond with a person I cannot stand that lives two hundred miles away from me.
I should buy milk and fish. My omega-six levels are dropping and they are necessary for proper brain function as they balance out the already-prevalent omega-three fats present in grain products and red meat.
Maybe killing myself will solve both of these problems.

>> No.6621282

>>6620892
What is post post irony?

>> No.6621291

why the fuck can't I quit porn/fapping

jesus christ I don't understand why this is so goddamn hard for me. either I'm bored and have too much time on my hands so I fap or I feel like shit for one reason or another and I need to fap to feel better.

I guess I lack willpower. don't know how I'm supposed to build some up.

bleh

>> No.6621293

>>6621221

Is this a true account?

>> No.6621300

>>6621291
You're depressed and bored, man. Put yourself on a schedule, start working out, get >3 hours of sun/fresh air every day. I cut it down to 3x a week, which is the minimum if you don't want to get prostate cancer. You can do it.

>> No.6621308

>>6621291

You're devolving into an infantile state of shutting out the world stimulus in order to create your own zone of artificial stimulation that is also not uncoincidentally directly linked to and controlled by your survivalist genes of procreation. Never mind the fact that you're tricking yourself -- that every attempt made to find life ends up a crusty tissue beneath your bed.

Every attempt to find life ends up a crusty tissue beneath your bed.

>> No.6621315
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6621315

>>6621221
I think experiencing different aspects of life creates depth, and that fulfilling desires creates wisdom

You not wanting to possess a girl is too self defeatist, and speaks about how little you strive for, which is indicative of how far you won't go

>>6621214
I feel like getting 'structure' from outside sources, especially needing to, especially wanting to get it from the greeks is for stupid people who will never be great

Looking for process for process's sake. I'd rather look for greatness, look for what makes sense, and let process eventually come from that

Then there's people like Joyce who genuinely think that their rapid, mindless expressions are is itself a worthy process. Everyone thinks he's great, but that isn't why. It's from the confidence it takes to think your fly by the moment thoughts are art

When I was younger, tripping on acid, I was talking to this guy also tripping. Because of how socially inept I was, I felt that being overly cartoonish was a good way to connect with people. I sensed him mock me so I hit him in the stomach and brought my focus inward instead of trying to socialize with that faggot. Then.. he thanked me. I didn't pay attention to why, because I knew the real reason. No one knows what the fuck they want, and they're happy to be a part of the exercised will of someone that does, even if it's negative. To experience that gives them a moment of clarity and purpose, and the fact is, I doubt the greeks were much different

And I definitely echo your thoughts on grief. For me it's obsession over a girl, I lose myself

>>6621210
Idk, it just didn't
I post like that often, sometimes it's right, sometimes it isn't

>> No.6621324

>>6621315
That one good post on lit tiday. Have a good one mate.

>> No.6621327

>>6621239
Bottom link on
>>6621315
Was meant for you

I didn't have enough direction in the post. It's easier when I say stories, then to go into detail how I feel, or go into too much detail about past events

>> No.6621339
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6621339

After kicking coke and painkillers, now that I can't get fucked up none of my friends hit me up anymore - only when they want a cigarette (they enthusiastically say it too, "Bro!! Let's smoke!!".
Fuck it depresses me /lit/. I've known those guys since grade school and now soon as I can't go out and get fucked up with them (it's not just going to parties, it's sitting around in a room splitting grams of coke and getting all paranoid), they never come over and see me.
I'm considering moving out of the city to Los Angeles (only a few hours away) since in my town, you know who you know and that's it. Finding new friends is near impossible.

>> No.6621349

>>6621339
Where do you live?

>> No.6621350

>>6621349
Fresno - well, more specifically Clovis.

>> No.6621351

>>6621339
Fuck them. They're clearly not even remotely your friends if the only merit they see in you is getting drugs off of you.
But I guess that's what drug fiends are like. Disgusting.
I'd go for it anon, not necessarily LA but just any city where you feel you can get a fresh start. It's not worth it being in touch with such a bunch anyway, so it's not your loss.

>> No.6621353

>>6621339
How old are you?

>> No.6621356

>>6621339

Isn't that pretty cool your friends are in some way looking out for you?

Why would they, junkies, want you, a non-junkie, to come to their ways again? They know they're into it, and they know you've made the right choice, or they'd be inviting you nay nagging you to come do coke with them.

Despite this, as junkies do, they could easily forget your existence altogether, so stuck in their microcosms they are, but nay these friends of yours still hit you up, and the only way they know to bond is through chemical ritual, and so they in their ways invite you to have a cigarette with them -- they sound enthusiastic because you're their fucking bro and you don't speak much anymore so when you do they want it to be worth something, they'll be enthusiastic.

Don't take it personal anon, you can't force them to change their ways, and even if you could would you want to? Probably not -- kudos for kicking the drugs man, if you feel like you're wanting to move out of state, to a new scene (probably the best thing for a recovering addict), start thinking about it --not worrying about it, just ponder on it.

>> No.6621358

>>6621339


Where the eagle glides ascending
There's an ancient river bending
Down the timeless gorge of changes
Where sleeplessness awaits
I searched out my companions,
Who were lost in crystal canyons
When the aimless blade of science
Slashed the pearly gates.

It was then I knew I'd had enough,
Burned my credit card for fuel
Headed out to where the pavement turns to sand
With a one-way ticket to the land of truth
And my suitcase in my hand
How I lost my friends I still don't understand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t00MXZKbW0M


Good luck anon. Godspeed.

>> No.6621359

>>6621351
The draw of Los Angeles is that it's relatively close and it's a big city. I'm young and I'd like to live somewhere not so dead end (as any city between Los Angeles and San Francisco tends to be).
I remember when they weren't like that though and as much as I try not to, I cling to that image of them. Young, hopeful, etc. They think they're going to be the next fucking George Jung because they sell lines at parties.
>>6621353
I'm 18, almost 19.

>> No.6621366

>>6621356
I like your outlook on it and god, I love your positive attitude....but I know these guys. Anyone who doesn't get fucked up is a faggot to them. I might as well be dead to them at this point. I live within 5 minutes of them and in the past almost 3 months of sobriety have only seen 2 (out of around 11) of them once or twice.
It's not so much that they care too much about me to not invite me along, they just don't want to waste time hanging around someone who isn't going to partake, or more likely the reasoning, someone who isn't going to put in money to buy said drugs.

>> No.6621372

>>6621358
I never much listened to Neil Young but this is great. Thanks anon.

>> No.6621384

The hair on the back of my head is thinning. I wonder if anyone notices?
Could it be as bad as I think it is?
Probably, but some people can make it work. I don't know if I'm one of those people.
I'd shave my head but I'm also balding down the middle of my head too.
It's like a straight line. It's so unnatural. I don't understand how this shit happens.
All my life I've hated how my hair looks and now that I'm losing it; I hate it even more. ;_;

>> No.6621386

>>6621120
>Why the fuck did she walk out of her room in her underwear with a sheen of leftover shower water on her skin?

Becuase she wants your D homo

>> No.6621390

I want to sleep.

>> No.6621392

>>6621366

Their life is drugs of course you are dead to them -- it either transpires that the drugs were the only thing making you friends in the first place, in which case it would seem natural the bond dissipates as your curtail the drugs, or that without the drugs you wouldn't have remained friends in the first place - people change etc. Either way you're not missing out on anything, but rather working towards more a person who maybe, in a few years, your friends could see and feel a well of pride, and then, sadness or something -- but it would all be well and good.

> they just don't want to waste time hanging around someone who isn't going to partake

They're ashamed, man; you wouldn't invite a catholic priest to your orgy would you?

Really, coming from someone who's dropped contact with many people he loved and still loves to death.

>> No.6621394

>>6621269
I feel you on that, more or less
I don't have anyone on my same wave length, I've been burning the people I used to connect with to the filter and I need to meet new people and generally focus on other things

I don't think there's anything wrong with unbecoming a person. When I was younger I went through a phase where I couldn't read anything new without it making me feel like everything I had previously thought was wrong. I started asking myself questions, the answers of which are the foundation of who I am as a person
Writing my theories helped a lot

>>6621339
>>6621350
Your friends call you to smoke cigarettes?
That sounds like I joke but I'm
>>6621108
I'd probably hangout with you if you want. Maybe
I was doing 8balls by myself when I was 16, and your general story sounds far fetched
I'm in Oakland

>> No.6621402

>>6621384
>The hair on the back of my head is thinning. I wonder if anyone notices?
If they are a cool individual, they don't notice because, genuinely, who the fuck cares.

Keep focusing on what is inside your skull instead of what is on your head.

>> No.6621407

>>6621372

I'm in L.A. anon, I will be the guy at the beach playing harmonica and reading books in the hammock on the weekend. I hope you the best for you, good luck.

>> No.6621409

blake and joyce and everyone fell asleep at once though I've told them twice not to touch my teeth or else I'll parse a patterned subject with holy high notes swirl around in spinal fluid blood boil rib rinse eyes dry tongue tied let me fuck you then fuck me then we can lie down and try to sleep in the middle of the day otherwise I'll have to maintain homeostasis in an infinite tumble of mind manners and monster emotions.

>> No.6621415

>>6621407
What city do you live in?
I was thinking of Hollywood cause a studio there is pretty cheap. Same with Koreatown.
I spent a lot of time in Venice/Santa Monica and Bel Air when I was younger. I've had a love affair with the city since I could remember.
That sounds like the life to me though anon. I don't need much. An easy, slightly above minimum wage job - ideally a record store or guitar center (where I worked until just recently), pays just enough for a studio that I can come home to and work on my writing.

>> No.6621424

>>6621392
Your outlook's starting to influence mine a bit.
I'll miss them. I love them to death, but if I didn't get sober that death would probably be coming a lot sooner. Two close calls to cardiac arrest were enough for me to call it quits.
Love those guys, but it's time to move on.
Funnily enough, they called me a few minutes ago wanting a cigarette. They're walking around my neighborhood car shopping (opening car doors to see if they're open then stealing what you can out of them). I sat back and realized that I'm content in rather sitting inside posting on /lit/
The party was fun while it lasted

>> No.6621426

>>6621415

I've lived in Venice and done work all around the city: let me tell you, between the west side (venice/santa monica/palisades/ brentwood/mar vista/marina del rey) vs the inner city and valley (downtown, k-town, valley, etc.) is a fucking huge gap in overall enjoyability. The west side is beautiful, relaxed, and active. The inner city is flat, ugly, strained, and void of any non-exclusive activity. If you move to LA, make sure you're on the west side.

>> No.6621435

>>6621415

I live in Santa Monica. I'm a History teacher for Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District.

If you are not materialistic, which it sounds like you aren't, you will do just fine in life.

>> No.6621440

>>6621350
I've got a lot of family in Fresno. I live a couple hours away from Clovis...I'm not saying we could, you know, meet up and trade books or anything, but...

>> No.6621441

>>6620783
Why should I do anything? Because it makes me happy.

Why should I care about my happiness? It feels nice.

Will it feel nice after I am dead? No.

So it doesn't matter since time is fake, it may as well be 100 years from now it just happens not to be.

The only other reason I have to do anything is to make other people's lives easier but that doesn't matter either because they will all be dead.

Sure, in 50-70 years we may get powerful enough AI to replicate human brains, but even then, it is worthless.

I know I need to simply distract myself with travelling and a girlfriend and a fulfilling job but I feel like it is something like Pandora's Box. Once it is open it you can never revert to the previous state, I can never forget how worthless everything is. I know a lot of you guys think about this sort of thing but the only solutions I have found are sleights that don't actually solve it.

>> No.6621444

>>6621350
209 REPRESENT LOL

>> No.6621452

>>6621424

Thing is, as we get older, friendship cliques become sort of cemented in a way - like political structures comprised of bodies with individual roles; a jester, a brick-head, a butt of the joke, perhaps a matriarch or patriarch -- so as we move out of the friendship groups we grew up with, became a person with, and then move away from that past, it's like an ego shock..you seem foreign to the people outside of the clique you grew with, and other people can seem foreign to you, and everyone is comfortable in their cliques and doesn't want to disrupt their status quo by inviting a new body into their social-political sphere.

This cliqueism gives rise to an entirely interesting sect of outcasts, of people who went, say, against the grain out of their own sheer will - these people, your person, my person, can affect change.

You seem so blase about giving up the drugs, you don't talk of the struggle, and it is like a kizmet that your friends just now called you - you don't mourn the past and you are content, don't even have to say it. We probably miss the bond, the ritual, the effortlessness, let the drugs do the walking - muscles atrophied. Exercise. Exorcise.

>> No.6621453

>>6621440
of course horse, I'd be down
>>6621444
bahaha my condolences, though in the valley we all commiserate

>> No.6621462

>>6621453
Come visit SLO when you can, my man

>> No.6621468

>>6621452
You know, before I checked myself into rehab I allowed myself one more weekend of excess. I locked myself into my room with 3 grams of cocaine, some food/water, cigarettes, my music and some books.
The final line of cocaine that I railed, that final sliver of glamour, as soon as it all went up, I dropped to my knees clutching my head bawling knowing that it was the end of an era for me. That might've been the absolute lowest point of my life. Lying fetal position on my floor, some 3 odd days without sleep or shower, 20 pounds underweight.
What you've described to me though is my biggest fear. That I'll never make a little group of friends like that again. Without school, I have no idea how to make friends in the real world.
Maybe it's just because I'm young but I just honestly see no way to make friends without something like school to lock enough people into a small space where relationships MUST flourish.

>> No.6621470

I am almost 30, fat, single, but nonetheless, happy.

>> No.6621475
File: 207 KB, 1000x676, 1432932625700.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6621475

The level of social maturity on this board is a joke

>> No.6621489

>>6621468
So 3 grams lasted you 3 days, and you went to rehab with that habit, and you're relating to a kid who apparently used to split a gram with 11 friends and currently only sees them to smoke cigarettes

>> No.6621496

>>6621462
Actually, I'm passing through there soon. My parents are moving to Santa Maria soon.

>> No.6621497

>>6621468
I don't relish the thought of replying to an idiot and liar
But I think if you were to enter a certain scene, like going to a given club every weekend, you'd eventually start to see how small that scene was and you'd meet people

>> No.6621500

>>6621489
I'm the kid in question.

>> No.6621503

>>6621497
>idiot and a liar
I'll concede to idiot but why would you call me a liar?

>> No.6621504

>>6621475
>4chan
>Maturity

pick one

>> No.6621505

>>6621500
I realized that

>> No.6621508

>>6621503
It could've been my phrasing, I didn't mean I lied on the floor for 3 days - I just meant that it was 3 days TO that point.

>> No.6621516

>>6621505

I don't think you realize what you realize.

>> No.6621523

>>6621503
Like I said, your general story sounds far fetched. Like you have no idea what you're talking about, because you obviously don't
Unlese you're being ironic or something, which I can tell you aren't, when you have a coke habit it doesn't feel like glory
I can't imagine 3 grams lasting more than half a day for someone with an addiction

>>6621504
I'd expect at least some level of depth

>> No.6621533

>>6621516
I realized it after the fact
At first I thought there where two fantasy filled children in this thread

I hate being 'that guy', which I always am, so I'll leave this thread for the night

>> No.6621538
File: 37 KB, 500x500, 1432263162950.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6621538

How did Arabs make such a big deal about the eradication of Paganism and pagan idols, yet Egyptian monuments still stand? It's one thing to claim your hand made stone carving is a vessel of a minor god you worship for personal peace, it's another to have great massive monuments dedicated to men believed themselves gods, worshiping other gods in a polytheistic system. Not just attributing partners to god, but believing they ascended to divinity. And yet the statues of Arabia got smashed and the sphinx still stands.

HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?

>> No.6621546

>>6621523
When it's your entire reason for existence and it's all gone, yes - it's glorious. I knew it was fucked up but I knew my life would flip upside down after that night.
I was being facetious though.

>> No.6621553

>>6621538
Man I love Kill Me Baby.

>> No.6621570

i have a job interview tomorrow, i hope things go okay

>> No.6621574

>>6621570
good luck anon

>> No.6621576

I crave intimacy and attention but deliberately distance myself from my family. I have friends but I never take the initiative to do stuff with them and always wait to be asked. My expectations are way too high and I'm unwilling to do anything I don't like regardless of how it might affect the people who matter and my own potential. I plan to leave the country and part of the reason why is the vague hope that it's this society that's caused by depression, frustration and double-standards. I fantasize about all my problems being solved by the addition of a girlfriend but am terrified of the responsibility at the same time.

>> No.6621595
File: 15 KB, 220x279, bernie sanders.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6621595

>>6620783
the pig was named porkshire. he lived in england, and he hated the police. one day a sweet woman was watering her weeds. porkshire trampled her pretty lawn and she called the department of sherrifs. he arrived in his police car and brought porkie into the back. he made a mess shitting on the backseat. the first incident of precise sabotage the pig plans to undertake.

>> No.6621601

>>6621595
>sheriffs in police cars
>england
remove yourself

>> No.6621608

>>6621576
>I have friends but I never take the initiative to do stuff with them and always wait to be asked

please try to change this, as one of those guys that always has to take initiative it's mentally exhausting after a while and gives the impression that you secretly hate me

>> No.6621616

>>6621570
If you can get any, take 10mg of Valium before the interview. It will eliminate the nervousness without clouding your mind. Don't drink any coffee or take anything else stimulating either.

when they ask you if you have any questions say " no....but is there anything I haven't elaborated on or explained well enough during the interview? " or words to that effect. It turns the questioning on its head and shows an air of confidence.

>> No.6621617

>>6621533

Ah dude, hang around, it's ok.

>> No.6621627

>>6621570

I hope you really fucking cock up the interview, anon, I hope you have bogies hanging our ya nozzies and that ye stutter and spit on the interviewer like sporruy boss

You will live on pavements rest of life.

>> No.6621628

>>6621608
But if you've had bad experiences with people agreeing to do things with you when you were young, it's very scary to ask people to keep to a commitment you created. Not to mention having done it so few times there's a strong fear of doing something that you feel you should be very experienced at doing by now.

>> No.6621653
File: 232 KB, 887x900, 1431859137747.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6621653

>>6621441
But anon, if time is fake then your happiness is forever.

>> No.6621660

Lemons
Today I had been walking back from work as I always had, with a friend
It was an amiable walk, like most nights under the lithe moonlight
For the past fortnight, from the crepuscular to the consummation of peregrination, he had never stopped pining over his lemons
;incessantly
Then came my epiphany, elicited after my evocation in a stentorian pule...
"LEMONS"
"LEEEH- MONSSS!!!!"
I had thought, at the time, that I had never shrieked louder in my entire life
then, the rasps licked and mingled with our ears and minds, silence had come back as quick as it had left us
At this point I was profoundly forlorn, and for the rest of our meandering, I glared the pavement all the way back home, as if the ground itself was the draconian antagonist in my journey
Concerned, as he should, many an inquiry came out of him, ebbing as the realization that I was beyond succour took its seat in his mind
I told him about my lemons
they would never stop
and everybody else had even more lemons
and they too, would never stop
Consummation came with an apology as we parted ways

>well that was my day /lit/, non-fiction for you fags

>> No.6621669

>>6621538
They only destroyed that giant stone buddha with explosives, didn't they? If islamists were to destroy the sphinx now, half of egypt would want to kill them (ruins tourist business).

>> No.6621686

I'm too sleepy I guess I should go sleep damn it's already past 6AM I said I would be there around 9 maybe I should just stay awake confusion in her eyes that says it all she's lost control she mentioned liking post-punk I wonder if she likes this shit it's been more than a month I guess if I stay up and do that til 10 I can sleep about four hours after then try to sleep in regular hours tonight what is this smell did he just shit on the hall again I'll clean after I come back then sleep but why would she never message again after all she said I need to study it will be at the end of July I can't postpone it anymore Carl is gonna ask me about it in the party most likely I hope I have started by then to at least be able to sound convincing the download has finished 50 minutes plus a shower then go it's perfect timing I wonder if they will at least let me change the office priorities cause chosing the one next to her as my number one choice was foolish well damn it's really smelling bed maybe if I open the window I can just ignore it but it's a nice city anyway and it will be a good experience but it will feel shitty regardless and I don't even know French maybe start with something that covers the basics of everything then just branch to whatever I'm not comfortable with I wonder if there is a book that has all the basics like that maybe I should write one if there isn't cause it could be really useful I don't think that is I'll sleep for 4 hours and then google the books I need and make a study plan I think he will message me today wanting the thing deployed so I should deploy it first since it won't take long it says it's my birthday there maybe she sees it and comes to say something nice this bass line is really good she's lost control again she's lost control again but new dawn fades is so much better I guess this is more famous just because it's more catchy but still very good maybe I should deploy it now because if I watch the episode there's a chance I'll fall asleep hope he doesn't ask about it til afternoon shit it was the last one I'll go buy another pack and watch it the plan was to try to stop today maybe I'll reduce the amount from this pack onwards or I'll wait until next week cause by then I'll be done with my job guess I'll start studying next week then as well but I should definitely make that study plan otherwise I'll lack the motivation I miss we both been busy and coming to leave a message to each other every two hours or so she even asked if I wanted to call so we could talk while she was painting I need to download the subtitles if there aren't any yet there's no big deal I can understand everything everytime anyway I should just watch without it this time I will fetch the usb disk to copy it I don't even know if I'll pass the interview anyway maybe I'm stressing over nothing where's my lighter I can smoke one on my way back her paintings are really good though

>> No.6621693

>>6621392
I don't think that it's really shame
I'd say its more out of "Wow that guy is a total dweeb, can't believe he's gonna choose a job and a suit over this kush"

also "Well that Catholic Preist will only partake in our orgy if there's some children, can't really have him come along"

>> No.6621700

>>6621570
I wish you good luck!

>> No.6621704

You guys know it's not that hard to get a gf right? Put yourself out there, do some exercise, look like you're having fun.

>> No.6621711

>>6621693

What a useless post/er.

>> No.6621794

I am plagued by indecisiveness. I am hypocritical. I find myself craving human affection and attention constantly, yet rejecting opportunities in which I can attain such. My reasoning for these actions has yet to be found. I have recently become obsessed with the certainty that anything I bring into this world, whether it is human or plant or creation, will decay, and die. Surely this may be “babby’s first nihilistic crisis”, but nevertheless, these ideas are beginning to define my ways of thinking. I feel incapable of loving people. I have no idea as to why, but the ability seemed to have left me. I solely initiate breakups. It’s never the other party, always me. I have this hypocritical of wanting nothing more than a relationship, then immediately regretting it, and wanting to breakup. I’m spineless, constantly afraid of others judgement, yet crave insults and attacks on myself, possibly to reassure myself that I’m a spiteful and horrible person. My actions may sometimes show otherwise, I will not think twice about helping someone, or spoiling them. Is this to cover up my inner and more abhorrent thoughts? I claim to be a “writer”; Lord knows I can’t write for shit. I have no motivation in reading anymore.

>> No.6621837

I hope that guy replies, I hope we have similar interests, I'm hungry, yeah because I didn't eat anything today because I felt slightly sick yesterday and had no appetite today.

>> No.6621842

>>6621794
Getting to the stage where it's possible to break up is a good first step though. You need someone to shape you.

>> No.6621849

>>6620783
thinkgen bout demiurge

>> No.6621853

>>6621704
There was a gf I believed was way into me, gave me all the signs, asked me out for milkshales after school and all.
When I asked her out last week she shook her head, said no and was ice cold the next day.
If a girl who shows me signs like that denies me, it's not easy to do.
And besides, where do i meet girls anyway?

>> No.6621864

>>6621849
holy shit you are the worst kind of poster and represent everything wrong with youth literary culture.

>> No.6621876

>>6621864
Why do you hate gnosticism so much?

>> No.6621880

>>6621876
>muh exclusionary secret knowledge
Though I guess that's not as bad as people who read up on it as an "alternative"

>> No.6621885

>>6621876

I think he was triggered..

>> No.6621887

>>6621876

Not that guy but man, you could've had put it in more sophisticated terms. You know, we gotta keep up the image we don't have.

>> No.6621890

>>6621704
If you mean getting a gf for the sake of getting a gf, it isn't that much.
But finding someone that you love, that you trust, that you get along well, that you like every quality and yet don't care about any of her flaws, that are able to be copletely honest with without judgement, that you see yourself spending the rest of your life with and that feels all this towards you as well is really really hard anon, don't fool yourself.

>> No.6621911

>>6621890
It's proving pretty hard for me to find any kind of gf...

>> No.6621915

>>6621887

Gnosticism is a branch of knowledge, not really a fucking dazzling coat to prance around in.

>> No.6621921

>>6621890
WHERE DO I MEET GIRLS
H
E
R
E

>> No.6621931

>>6621921

I don't know mate, think, how do you gain all you social contact - what do you USE to gain all your social contact? How could YOU USE what you currently use to gain the rest of your social contact, to also get a girl.

>> No.6621935

>>6621931
I have only one friend and all we usually do is get high and play cards/video games.
He did invite me to a party on the 14th so maybe then, but I suck at parties

>> No.6621941

>>6621935

You suck at parties?

I guess you suck at parties then..

Doomed/dismissed - fail forever. Have fun!

>> No.6621942

>>6621915

Never said that, but the memeing seems a bit unnecessary, especially for the posters sake.

Also I wouldn't really say that it's a branch of knowledge, but rather a spiritual/phillosophical system built around a historical record of certain kind of experience. But that's just me nitpicking.

>> No.6621944

>>6621941
Well then don't say getting a gf isn't much then you dumb shit

>> No.6621949

>>6621931
tbh what a lot of people used was being forced into contact through things like tutorials. What they need is to gain contacts outside of institutional compulsion.

I can't really talk though because my friends are 1) my tutor group 2) my housemates and 3) my d&d group

>> No.6621951

>>6621942

Welcomed nitpicking, is always welcomed!

Yeah maybe Gnosticism needs a bit of bite to it - like at the moment it's a ghost and we gotta put ghost in the machine.

>> No.6621965

>>6621944
fyi you are replying to a different person lol
by "isn't that much" I meant "that much hard" (at least compared to the other stuff in the post)

>> No.6621969

>>6621944

Boy goes up to girl:

Boy: Hi

Girl: No one will ever date me - it's so hard to find a boyfriend. Why?

You(poster 6621944): I will fuck you.

Me: (There must be something wrong with this girl.) Alright, I'll see you later and let you deal with your things, i'm pretty neurotic already and don't want to be dealing with your shit.

Get it? Neuroses in a guy is not attractive - girls are not attracted by neurotic men - you are neurotic. And you feel as if you pity yourself, which feeds the neuroses, making you more neurotic, and you complain more about not having a girlfriend, and you become uglier and more unattractive with every neurotic thought that wonders, no cries 'why haven't I got a girlfriend'/'why haven't I been given a girlfriend' etc.

If you deserved a girlfriend you'd have one now stop with the fucking pity show.

>> No.6621970

>>6621686
joyce pls go

>> No.6621972

>>6621965
I know you meant the difficulty, but when you can't even give me a good answer as to where to look it obviously isn't that easy now is it.

>> No.6621975

>>6621969
isn't that just one of those things they say to start a conversation and get complimented

>> No.6621976

>>6621951
I find there's quite a few ghosts skulking around the attic. And as for producing the god from the machine, that's our job, right?

>> No.6621980

>>6621969
>Girl: No one will ever date me - it's so hard to find a boyfriend. Why?
>it's so hard to find a boyfriend
top kek
I know what you mean with my mentality being rotten, but that is only because of recent events: >>6621853
Before that I was positive and went flat on my ass, and now have to start from nowhere since I don't know where to look and saw this one girl as the perfect opporitunity that doesn't come by that often.
I'm close to just downloading tindr or whatever

>> No.6621982

>>6621951
Way too much Gnostic thought has been lost. Plugging the gaps with bits from other religions doesn't cover it.

>> No.6621984

>>6621972
Again, I wasn't the one who gave you that answer lol
But it isn't that easy, but also not that hard anon. Like, it's probably medium leaning a bit to the hard side.
But a lot of the hardship you see in it isn't really there but in your head.

>> No.6621986

>>6621980
tfw I downloaded tinder and have it on my phone but immediately stopped it from accessing the internet and hid it away because I got scared

>> No.6621990

>>6621984
I hope you're aware of how vague you come across right?
Getting a gf seems to be something you can apply actual strategy to, yet no one has any clear cut answers of where to find one if you don't already know girls.

>> No.6621992
File: 584 KB, 1400x2700, demiurge.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6621992

>>6621864
>posts on a meme site
>doesn't like memes

>> No.6621996

>>6621969

And I don't mean that a girlfriend is something to earn, in a trophy sense as in a prize for good work; more like in the sense that you deserve the friends you have, and that two good friends deserve to be friends and the like. If you're rotten you ain't gonna have good friends!

>>6621975

It would work on a case-by-case basis, there are varying factors you'd have to consider about the girls self worth, attractiveness etc. to discern whether she is using it as a play or being genuinely self deprecating; the last thing you want in a girl is self-deprecation. How can you value someone who doesn't value themselves - you can only value someone in spite of their self-deprecation, and most likely wouldn't value them if it weren't for that self-deprecatory streak.

It wasn't quoting an actual conversation, more like an unspoken conversation - your sense of self worth sweats out your pores - and often the very being we emanate to others is very different to how we think we seem - if you're desperate, it will show.

>> No.6621997

>>6621969
>If you deserved a girlfriend you'd have one now stop with the fucking pity show.

Look at this cuck.

>> No.6622001

>>6621992
memes should only be about trivialities tbh

>> No.6622010

>>6621980

Literally you're just a kid in school don't fret about it - she don't know what's going on in her head. You don't know what's going on in your head. Talking about a perfect girl, you don't even know yourself! Just calm -- I'll tell you, and you won't like this, but you're gonna go through potentially quite a lot of relationships, ups and downs, and heartbreaks. Every couple think they're the shit, together forever, and it kills them because it's not true. This baseless hope is almost part of the downfall - learn to chill out a bit and realize you can't depend on others for your happiness - this leads to co-dependence, addictive tendencies, neuroses..

>> No.6622013

>>6621990
I am and it is intentionally vague (except for the last part).

But ok, let's try some concreteness lol
Why do you think it's difficult to meet a girl? (not even saying get a gf, just meeting the girl, which seems to be your problem).
As in, put in words where exactly the difficulty for meeting one is, the best you can.

>> No.6622014

>>6622010
>potentially quite a lot of relationships
Depends how young you start.

>> No.6622015

>>6622001
memes help us cope with important matters as well and can be both light-hearted and profound.

>> No.6622016

>>6621976

Depends how much you wanna worship Satan.

>> No.6622019

>>6622015
>profound meme
Only in the capacity to make us aware of profound things, in which case they are only as good as a roadside ad

>> No.6622027
File: 25 KB, 410x230, 363_is-the-pua-dead-flash.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6622027

>>6621997

Or you could like play girls programming like fiddles.

This guy looks happy.

He's a good guy?

>> No.6622028

>>6622010
>Literally you're just a kid in school don't fret about it
I am 20
>she don't know what's going on in her head.
Going by her tumblr you might be right
>Talking about a perfect girl
I didn't say she was perfect, I was saying the situation was, since I don't have any means that I know of to get to meet girls.
And don't worry, I don't believe in perfect relationships, I'm more realistic than that.
>>6622013
Well I don't have any female friends (the girl I was going for ignored my last text, so friends is out of the question I assume)
I don't have any hobbies that attract a lot of girls (football and video games) and even then they have to be single which a lot of women who go out aren't.
So this leaves me where to find girls?
Give me something concrete.

>> No.6622030

>>6622016
Let's not go there, man. Each one of us has probably a very polar idea about what that means.

>> No.6622032

>>6622030

Yep. Nothing means everything.

And everything means nothing.

Sounds like it's all going tidy doesn't it?

>> No.6622036

>>6622028
>ignored my last text
Depending on how long you have been texting that could mean many things

>her tumblr
Jeez

>>6622027
Too late man the scene is oversaturated.

>> No.6622038

>>6622032
Kinda lost me on that one.

>> No.6622041

>>6622019
Well of course nothing is in itself profound, the profundity lies in the interaction with the observer. But memes can be just as profound as novels for example. Novels are memes tbh.

>> No.6622043

>>6622016
>not liking the kosher prometheus

>> No.6622049

>>6622036
>mean many things
Well it was a simple question about movies, I sent her that because she was being cold after she rejected me and I was being a bit more distant as well so I thought I could break the ice with a simple question and then talk further.
But she ignored it, add that on top of her being more distant I see it as a clear sign of not wanting to deal with me anymore.
And we've been texting for about 2 months, often every day(sometimes snapchat instead of texting)
>Jeez
Yeah, goes to show I don't have any crazy standards which is the case with a lot of these tfw no gf types.

>> No.6622050

>>6622041
Memes operate on many levels and when people discuss /lit/ memes it's usually the self-identified meme. A book is and contains memes true, and can be profound under interpretation, but a lot of books are designed to build a world of non-memes and a persuasive lie is the same as a reality.

>> No.6622053

>>6622028

My bad I thought you were in school or something, I take it back. Point still stands though - throw your eggs in on basket if you want to feel pain, I mean you could also feel a lot of pleasure, but know if you ever drop that basket - hey, the chicks could even hatch and fly the fuck away - you better be prepared to deal with that hurt, and know you're the one who put them eggs in that basket.

>>6622038

I mean yeah, relativism, let's all have different meanings for the same thing - that helps keep data clear and concise doesn't it? It helps when we live in maya - it's like hey I heard you like maya so we got some maya for your maya

>> No.6622062

>>6622043

>Could do with the love

>> No.6622064

>>6622053
The hurt comes more from the fact that I haven't been this close to a gf in a long time.
I had hope for 2 months and then I went back to nothing, it's a harsh thing but I'll manage.
Now if someone would be so fucking kind to fucking tell me where to find some girls I would very much appreciate it.

>> No.6622070

>>6622064
anon last time I had a gf was five years ago and the last time I was interested in someone she completely disappeared from my world just as we were becoming friends so don't take me too seriously.

but basically, network. use the groups you are part of to get to events which overlap with other groups and on and on until you find yourself in a crowd which looks like it has potential. You don't have to make friends along the way necessarily.

>> No.6622077

>>6622064

>find some girls

Man they ain't some rare species, you'd apparently be surprised to know they make up about 50% of the human race. Every other person you encounter, could, have, a, vagina.

Now, your predicament is the insular nature of humans within a big society - you're considered somewhat weird if you talk to someone you don't know for no particularly good reason, so unless you're James Bond it wouldn't be a good idea to approach girls on the street or in the shop or anything, because you're to conceited already - desperate - your spaghetti would spill tumultuously out of your pockets.

>Now if someone would be so fucking kind to fucking tell me where to find some girls I would very much appreciate it.

Keep up this attitude, in fact you should go to your local nightclub and start shouting this out loud -- it's actually the secret of all time --that's why no one does it - no one knows about it.

You're golden OP.. have fun and don't forget your zip ties and lime..

>> No.6622080

>>6622028
Ok anon, here you go:

You probably like something else, you are probably in university, universties have tons of activities, go find something you like and go meet people. Cause it sounds like you are missing a good time there, not even about girls.

Go to a party, go to a bar, see some event that you like cause there is bound to be something and call some friends and convince them to go with you.
Then go and talk to girls that are there. But don't go as "omg I need to talk to a girl", if you are walking by someone you feel like saying something say something, if it's gonna be a 2 phrase conversation or if you are gonna become good friends or marry, just talk. And talk to guys too anon, cause talking to people is good.

If your hobbies doesn't attract girls they probably attract guys that have girls as friends btw.

There's probably a girl you see everyday that you wish you could talk to. Protip: you can. Just go there like "ayy grrl I see you everyday around here and I find you very interesting and would like to meet you what do ya say about getting some coffee with me so we can talk bb? ;))".

Idk anon, go to a fucking starbucks RIGHT NOW and talk some random bullshit with the qt on the line, or ask the qt sitting alone if you can sit with her cause you don't like eating breakfast alone.


Just do whatever, you are gonna get "rejected" most of the time, cause guess what, that happens. Just stop been afraid of stuff cause you see girls around everyday and have plenty of opportunities to talk to any and you honestly are probably just afraid of that.
If you don't like any of the options here just put your creativity into coming up in something instead of memeing on a chinese lit board for a day.

IS THAT CONCRETE ENOUGH FOR YOU ANON?

>> No.6622088

>>6622080
And also next time you are texting a girl sometimes everyday sometimes not only text but snapchat, plz ask her out in less than 2 months anon.

>> No.6622095

>>6622064
At least you're texting girls. I have no idea how to get hold of a girl's number.

>> No.6622102

>>6622053
Well, different people have different experiences and through those end up with a different explanations. I'm not really keen on relativism...but that's just the way it seems to be. I'm pretty sure could argue well for my case, phillosophicaly, historicaly or otherwise...but that's not the proper way. I don't want to rob anyone of the experience, and without it there can be a backlash, enantiodomea.

The maya thing seems to be real. What can I say? If you're happy with your well-ordered universe, enjoy it. And don't read Sartre.

>> No.6622105

>>6622077
Nice vague response my friend, you could have condensed it to 2 lines but instead decided to watse your time making it longer.
>>6622080
>uni
I am actually in a garbage school called MBO in the netherlands, it has no clubs of any sorts which is a bummer, I often wish I was born in america just for this.
>cause talking to people is good.
I should absolutely work on that, and don't worry about me coming across as desperate, I only do that on the internet.
>starbucks
Decent advise, when i look at other people and my friend they often make small talk with whoever, when I tend to keep to myself.
I thought it was just an insignificant difference between me and other people, but something small like that could perhaps change the negative outlook I have on people in general(which makes it(unconciously)harder for me to connect to people)
>guess what, that happens
I did try to see this latest rejection as something good, instead of waiting and regretting not having tried anything, I went for it and failed, at least I have a clean concious now.
>IS THAT CONCRETE ENOUGH FOR YOU ANON?
It is, thanks for your post, it's a quality one.
>>6622095
She actually got my number, but I was in your situation as well before and probably am going to be for a while now.
>>6622088
We did go on ''sort of'' dates, she asked me out for milkshakes and I actually went to her home town once.
I don't know what made her lose interest, maybe she'd just crazy.
I went sort of slow with a reason though, she only just turned 18 and had admitted to being a virgin, so I thought maybe if I went too fast I'd scare her off.

>> No.6622106

ITT guys need to learn that women are people too.

>> No.6622108

>>6620860
> 1. dfw is nothing more than a meme
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

> everybody loves themselves some buzzwords
lots of humanities students here indeed

> john green is the sacrificial lamb at the alter of /lit/ snobs who h8 what their lesser peers are enjoying
no, that is genre fiction
john green is just laughable in way more different levels

> existential crises galore, all thinly veiled by discussion of religion, drugs, or philosophy.
can't argue with that

>> No.6622110

>>6622106
They're actually aliens

>> No.6622118

>>6622110

Cool idea, someone pass that to David Icke, I'm sure he can patch a decent theory or two out of that.

>> No.6622119

>>6622118
you could have come up with an interesting and original response. I feel devalued by this one.

>> No.6622128

>>6622119

Good.

>> No.6622130

>>6622128
typical feminist :(

>> No.6622138
File: 192 KB, 624x352, History_The_Universe_03_Volume_SF_still_624x352.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6622138

>>6622102

>well-ordered universe

Look at this ugly piece of shit universe, look at it m8.

It looks like a glitterball sharted.

;You don't have to argue anything, but to outright say 'No discussion' 'Agree to disagree' does no body any good - for example I'd like to learn, learn from you, and in return, I don't know if you'd like to learn from me, but I could sure help flesh out your ideas with my own personal experience. To deny that would be to feed close-mindedness, and ignorance; at the same though: One is at leisure and can discuss whatever the fuck it is one wants :)

>> No.6622152

>>6622138

Uhh, sure. But there's a few certain phrases that usually don't indicate a potential to a great discussion, e.g. 'worship Satan'.

>> No.6622168

>>6622152
What's your beef with Satanism?

>> No.6622172

>>6622152

My tone is constantly sardonic - don't be afrayed nao.

>> No.6622179

>>6622152

The adversary of infinite if finite - anything finite is satan.

But it's a whole fucking lot more complicated than that, and I can't tell whether I've upset some people by talking about it.

>> No.6622280

You can smash a guitar to bits - will sound cease?

>> No.6622348

What percentage of posts on this board are sincere? For me it is about 80%

>> No.6623343

>>6620860
what do you call it when you ironically read new sincerity?

>> No.6623366

It doesn't fucking matter what's on my mind. That's what's on my mind.

>> No.6623407

>>6620783
Booms

>> No.6623529

Memes.

>> No.6624762

YA LATIFÚ YA LATIFÚ ALAA YA LATIFÚ YA LATIFÚ ALAA YA LATIFÚ YA LATIFÚ ALAA YA LATIFÚ YA YA LATIFÚ YA LATIFÚ ALAAATIFÚ ALAA YAYA VLATIFÚ YA LATIFÚ ALAA LATIFÚ YA LATIFÚ ALVYA LATIFÚ YA LVATIFÚ ALAAAA YA LATIFÚ YAV LATIFÚ ALAVATIFÚ ALAAYA LATIFÚ ALAAYA LATIFÚVA LATIFÚ ALAA V

>> No.6624815

I am afraid of losing her even though I've lost her already.

>> No.6624822

I just need this goddam internship

>> No.6626439
File: 34 KB, 640x640, IMG_20150521_083837.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6626439

I'm forced onto some kind of productive path where I actually think and reflect, I see no opportunities in the near futute for me to actually act

I'm not going to lower myself into contacting her after what she did (and, for momentum's sake, I shouldn't anyway), I'm mostly done with my friends and I'm nowhere near comfortable enough to express some of the more anti social facets of myself to strangers. Or even meet new people for that matter

I want nothing more than for a little baby (not literally) to be mine. But I don't see that as a possibility any time soon, as I can't connect with new people

I feel I've swollowed my pride enough for this year, for this girl, for my divinity. And I've spent enough enough time alone for this half century
Fuck it, I'll go back to action. Doing is funner

>> No.6627265

All I need is to love and be loved.
Still, I must be doing something wrong, bc I still feel empty at the end of the day, or when I'm alone.

>> No.6627332

>>6621653
happiness is only relevant when one is alive, I'll be dead before forever. I was saying happiness doesn't matter now because your happiness didn't matter when you were not born yet, like it won't matter when you die.

>> No.6627341

I want to be loved again or die.

>> No.6627353

>>6627332
You will literally never be in the state of death.

>> No.6627367

>>6621390
Are you me? I have barely had any slept for the last 5 days, and I'm already feeling my sanity slipping away. Fucking finals, man.

>> No.6627377

Loving you is loving a mythological figure.
Is like kissing a stone, or a cloud.
I am like a scientist, and you are like a really pretty rock, like a sapphire or whatever.
You are like a machine, an incredibly complex series of gears, some so large I am always looking at them, and some so small I will never see them.
I want to understand how the machine operates. I want to become you in a moment, press my face against yours, the face of the gear, I mean, and not let go until this process has allowed me to understand you completely, which, of course, it never will. I'm lying to myself when I say it will help me understand you. I want it to help me understand you, and I want to understand you, but what I really want is to be /with/ you. I want it to be undeniable. I want our relationship to be such that any reasonable onlooker could only logically conclude that you and I are TOGETHER. I want you to say that I am with you, and I want to say to you that I am with you and you don't leave, but you are always leaving, you are the INVENTOR of leaving, and I am the inventor of being alone. I want to be with you in such a way that the part of me which cries out when we separate is assuaged entirely. I want that part to die, because it has no reason to exist anymore.
You are a frog and I won't forgive myself until I dissect you, because you have a part of me, and you're keeping it in the bulge underneath your mouth and every once in a while you croak and I can see you still have it and I don't want it back.
Loving you is complicated but I can't stop trying.

>> No.6627396

>>6626439
is that her? she is very cute. don't you hate when they're cute, like goddamnit just be ugly and hateable so I can move on

>> No.6627411

>>6627396
>not having the cynical powers to make everyone hateable on command

>> No.6627457

>>6627377
Not sure about the frog part

>> No.6627475

>>6627377
I though i'm alienated in this, but i see that most of /lit/ is suffering because of love.

>> No.6627790

I'm tired of waiting

>> No.6629176
File: 83 KB, 500x265, 1433180399638.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6629176

>>6627396
In reality, she's been more like an ocd game I've played with myself
I can honestly say I think I only care for people insofar as what they can do for me or how they make me feel, in her case it was both
I'm kicked out and, until very recently, I've been staying with her this past 8 months.
But the fact is, I've never felt like she was my equal when it's good between us. I'd often start arguments, or pick at her to get some drama going where we'd make up and I'd feel for her more. And I've probably burnt more bridges with family trying to reconnect with me while we were arguing, if I'm being honest with myself I never needed to stay with her

But I did like her best when she was my little baby. I'd interrogate her, put her down etc etc and we'd find a moment of peace where she'd be so sweet, mostly quiet and I'd treat her right. But I think I was afraid that would go away, that the loud slut in her would come back out and I'd ruin it

Idk
I feel like I need to find the next thing. Maybr hangout with my fembot cousin, because she has some good looking friends
And obviously work etc


Overall it's the loss of that sweet baby I created that I hate. She doesn't hold enough mystery for me to love any other part of her, and I need to focus on other things than recreating it, because I've really let my life get to shit at this point

I'm really tired of this introspective shit. I need to get doing
I think I'm more lonely than I admit

>> No.6629227

>>6627377
I really don't think women, or most people in general are that complicated

If you really want to figure her out, just like anything I think, you can throw a bunch of experiments at it and see how it reacts
You'll only be mystified if you let yourself be a passive obvserver because, whether she realizes it or not, she's throwing a bunch of experiments at you
And you aren't proving to be much of a mystery

>> No.6629238

Eu gostaria de escrever de maneira mais natural em inglês e também em português.
Sou um fracasso /lit/erário.

>> No.6629255

I dont really know how to write music

>> No.6629271

I wish i had talent

>> No.6629977

>>6620783 Two nights ago I had my 2nd lucid dream and I consciously thought about the big bang in it as I know it takes away the bottom off my feet (which are nonexistent in dreams) to throw me into voids of unknown...

>> No.6629995

Maudits certes, nous le sommes ; mais l'océan lui aussi n'est qu'un mirroir de plus. Le carrousel incandescent poursuit sa course sans frontières ; bientôt un chat baîllera aux côtés des flots. Et son pelage familier écaille-de-tortue sera taché du sang de plaies mystérieuses qu'ouvrent les appels du lampadaire sauvage et de son frère pavé: la ville respire en ce vieux crépuscule de juin.

>> No.6630009

>>6621496
Give me a date, we could meet up at a coffee shop or some such

>> No.6630803

I cant quite put my finger on it but you're changing into your denouement. Everything I gave you is reaching fruition, we're finally equals, and you have no use for me anymore. It's not to my surprise either, but could we at least slow it down?
Yesterday I saw you depressed for the first time ever and I realized I don't actually know you, at all. We never talk about our problems, we just laugh near each other.

>> No.6630812

I'm at work and all I can think is "just fuck my shit up, FUCK IT UP"

>> No.6630859

I should be writing, or at least reading. Fuck I feel so awful that I'm just sitting doing jack shit here.

>> No.6631982
File: 5 KB, 109x108, BLK-HAND.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6631982

I feel destined and alone, with so much dark hard heart, I wanna poke it; watch it flow

>> No.6631983

I don't know whether I want to pursue music or writing

>> No.6631985

Mereological nihilism

>> No.6631986

>>6631983
both will bring either immortality or (more likely) poverty and depression.

>> No.6631988
File: 55 KB, 609x545, image_3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6631988

>>6630859
Same here, man.

>> No.6631997

I wish porn addiction would just be taken seriously for once. If you're addicted to drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes there are tons of ways to get help, but with porn it's almost nonexistent. Hardly anyone seems to believe that it can even be an addiction. I feel so lost.

>> No.6632000

i seriously hope cognitive dissonance isn't lethal

>> No.6632013

I wish the one I love would try to follow their dream of becoming a movie director. I know it's their passion and it breaks my heart when they tell me they aren't good enough.

>> No.6632098

>>6631997
Who - cares?
There's easily been days when I've jerked off 15+ times
8 was about the average for a while, and it all literally makes my dick (temporarily) smaller

The urge goes away eventually. Focus on experiencing life

>>6632013
Unrelated but I can tell you're gay

He probably lacks talent and the ability to raise funding

>> No.6632170

I feel lonely, afraid, and unsure. I have few, if any, opinions or preferences.

I want to be exceptionally confident, active, purposeful, and driven. I believe I can change but am frustrated that I haven't. I don't know if I ever will.

I try to put myself in new environments (by travelling, changing jobs, reading) but so far to no avail; who I am doesn't really change.

I just keep trying to be different, but I stay the same.

>> No.6632187

I wish Arthur Rimbaud were still alive

>> No.6632348

>>6632170
I WANNABE ACADEMIC CONFIDENT AND ROOMANTIC
BUT III JUST FEEL WEEIRRD AND OVERDRAMATIC
DAILY REMINDER. THAT III, AM PATHETTIC
WHEN YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY IT, IT'S HARD TO FORGET IT

>> No.6632390

>>6632098
>I can tell you're gay
Girl, actually. I've just learned not to make mention of being a girl on here, even indirectly. I was trying to be as discreet as possible.

>> No.6632402

>>6632390
G O U D A
O
U
D
A

>> No.6632407

>>6632098
>Hardly anyone seems to believe that it can even be an addiction.
>The urge goes away eventually. Focus on experiencing life

Point made. You weren't addicted, and that's great (not even being sarcastic), but that doesn't mean the addiction doesn't exist. You haven't been there or seen someone go through it, therefore you won't understand how much of a problem it can be.

>> No.6632413
File: 236 KB, 650x842, tfw.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6632413

I'm on a break which will end in about 30 minutes. After that, I have to work for four hours. Gladly, the only person around me is my close friend, so I'm not going to do much working; 'working' is what I'll do. Then, I'll go for a swim once I'm done with all this and read something or shitpost on 4chan. Sleep comes soon after that.

Repeat.

What am I doing with my life?

ad nauseum

>> No.6632497

Was writing about contemporary times considered kitsch in the past as it is now?

>> No.6632536

>>6632390
$lut ;;(

>> No.6632713

>>6632390
LONDON

>> No.6632716

>>6632390
Just don't mention gender or any aspect of identity, that's the point. We're anonymous.

>> No.6632906

>>6632716
I get that and I would like it to be that way, but in the same thread where I mentioned my husband and got called an attention whore for saying I was a girl, at least one guy made mention of his girlfriend.

I realize now that it really isn't that important, though. Life goes on and people on the internet's opinions don't matter.

>> No.6632974

>>6620783
Fallout 4 is making me orgy right now

>> No.6633084
File: 9 KB, 700x550, mgw.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6633084

>>6632402

>> No.6633091

>>6632974
didn't know it was announced yet, thanks.

nursing a firm erection right now tbh

>> No.6633199

>>6632974
Trailer looks fucking shit.

>> No.6633268

>>6632390
>i'm a girl btw

kill you'reself

>> No.6633281

>>6632390
tits

>> No.6633302

>>6633268
>>6633281
This is not how it works, summerfags. Why are summerfags even on /lit/ ffs?

>> No.6633308

>>6631997
FightTheNewDrug. It is a serious thing.

>> No.6633369

>>6626439
I dreamed about her last night
She was with another guy, a new boyfriend. I guess at one point she started fucking him in the living room, with people around, and another guy that was there (the boyfriend's friend, I think)took her and started fucking her and she came

I think caring is like a tight rope
The guy she fucked that morning, or who I'm pretty sure she did, is a little dicked faggot with a sloppy body and a face not as good looking as mine. He's popular, but I consider that popularity to be s bubble, he acts like a fucking child. To his face I call him Nickelodeon, periodically bully him for little things, and he dick rides me
But he still has me beat me by far

I always told myself that if I wanted to keep hitting someone when they wanted to stop, I could. I did that last time, without even feeling like fighting.
I only care about myself
A slut is someone meant to be used. A person is someone there for me to use
I am a god
And I have to fuck fuck fuck the people that try to fuck me

;___;>>6627265


>>6632716
I'm not faggot

>> No.6633414

How does it feel?
To treat me like you do
When you've laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are

>> No.6633426

>>6627475
I'm not, but being in love is better than being virtually emotionally dead, like me.

>> No.6633823

A friend of mine keeps inviting me round his house and we always end up fucking. I really don't find him attractive but he kind of expects me to stay round overnight and as we sleep in the same bed he starts to dry hump me and I always acquiesce though hate myself during and after the sex.

He keeps indirecting me on Twitter about how much he loves being friends with benefits. I don't want to be rude and just say no but I've slowly started to hate everything about him. He's one of these really camp melodramatic gays and I'm actually on the edge of despising him. Worse is I'm bi and out but like to keep my gay sex life pretty secret yet he keeps telling people about it. He even told my crush who is a qt Asian girl and his best friend and I thought she might be attracted to me but now her affections have become all frosty.

>> No.6634030

>>6633823
Then don't go

>> No.6634048

>>6634030
Or just tell him no, and that you just want to be friends with no benefits. Most people are reasonable about that sort of shit if you confront them with it out in the open and be honest about it.

>> No.6634114

>>6633823
Maybe you've developed some sort of redness and itching somewhere....

>> No.6634141

>>6634114
Good idea

>> No.6634364

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

>> No.6634378

>>6632348
>tfw your life is captured by a song called "crywank"

>> No.6634443

>>6621300
wait you can get prostate cancer?
I was wanking it 3 times per day past 7 years even when i had girlfriends and had almost daily sex.

>> No.6634475

I feel so fucking stupid and slow-minded and dirty. In in the bottom 5% of /lit/, no doubt. I don't even like to read.

>> No.6634516

>>6634475
I'm sorry, but if you don't like to read, go somewhere else. People shitposting about things not related to literature are actively killing this board.

>> No.6634523

I want to read the Iliad but I'm sort of disappointed that I can't read Homeric Greek and everybody's recommending different translations.

>> No.6634528

I'm too good for this place.

>> No.6634851

>>6633302
nice shining amore white night

>> No.6634936

>>6620783
I am 23 years old and have girl that could probably be called a girl friend but really, why put a label on things. We have sex frequently. It's pretty good. Most of the time she orgasms, more times than me though. Sometimes my dick will just die, right then and there, mid thrust, yet I'm still turned on wanting to go and go and go till my heart gives out. Usually it's my lungs that give out first. I get so out of breath that I can't thrust anymore but I haven't came yet, and my little guy won't help either. We can't just switch between her on top and me on top ad nauseum, now can we? I think it's starting to get to the point where this girl I've been shacking up with is starting to feel unattractive. Maybe we drink too much. We're like drinking buddies but we like to shag. Fuck I love alcohol but I love to fuck. Maybe I should take up jogging.

>> No.6635251

>>6620783

The rich texture of the chocolate biscuit, with its mildly bittersweet cranberries, dark chocolate chips and a hint of caramel, seduced my mind to harken back to a time in my gay and innocent youth. 'twas when I was a spry, sure-headed yet naive lad of nineteen summers at Yale. The youth who would become me, as I am today, was walking along the fine gravel pathways among the old buildings of the campus, away from a concluded lecture hall where I just previously took an exam.

Now, when I say 'took the exam,' I do not mean to say that I wasted time studying to struggle for a grade, mind you. No, that would be a most pedestrian thing to put oneself through... 'oneself' to mean one who has the brains to know how foolish such a means to an end would be. The professor, one Hans Grunning, a rotund, red-faced yet wise-for-his-years man of 38, was sure to keep me in his good graces. A major part of this reason was a partiality to my father, who had just barely kept him alive in the trenches as the both of them, nary but boys at the time, were fighting for God, Country, and their very lives in the Great War. The both of them had spent a long time overseas, and though Grunning had lost his right leg to the audacity of Austria-Hungary, he had the financial support of my father's family fortune and the opportunity to continue his college education at the school where he now works, to keep him afloat.

As such, the good Grunning thought it pleasant to invite me for tea and biscuits at his office. As great minds do think alike, not that you would know of these things, I was keen to agree on such a visit, and would have been on a path that would take me directly there. That is, were my mind not preoccupied with Agatha.

Agatha. Now, THAT is a name that takes me back a ways, let me tell you.

>So, what do you think? Is it snooty enough?

>> No.6635294

NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGER

>> No.6635388

>>6634851
>shining amore white night
>amore
>night

Very sweet voluntary misspellings, anon : )

>> No.6635868

>>6635388
ten cue

>> No.6636191
File: 76 KB, 500x376, borrow a feeling.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6636191

Tired of being alone for 23 years with no one to hold me. Most of my family is dead now, my father who was also my best friend is gone and I am alone.

I have been rejected by almost everyone. Why then does my brain repeatedly believe that tomorrow will be the day that the world changes for me? Am I a fool or resilient sap?

>> No.6636200
File: 105 KB, 570x572, Twiggy003.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6636200

>>6636191
love you friend

>> No.6636821

I am a product of experience. everything I think has been influenced by the televisiom I watch and the websites I read. All the consitutes me is a remix past experiences. I don't exist. Either does anyone else. there's no new ideas, it seems that everything new is a reboot or a remix of something older. television. music is shit. books are shit. even the religions of the world are remixes of past religions. christianity is judaism and gnosticism. judaism id canaanite and with sumerian and babylonian influence. hinduism is vedic which is based on proto indo-european and indo-iranian beliefs. I wonder greater if it is even possible to make anything new any more. Has man lost his ability to create.

>> No.6636850

>>6636821
You are an ass.

>> No.6636854

My reading comprehension skills are at an all time low. I keep getting in arguments with people online and misunderstanding what they're saying and then I say something unrelated and look and feel like an idiot.

I feel like a literal retard.

>> No.6636872

I am the happiest I've been in three years.
This, too, shall pass.

>> No.6636886

Reading Naked Lunch
WHAT
THE
FUCK?
Ohh is that a boner?

>> No.6636896

>>6620789
kek

>> No.6636920

I'm used to being called an idiot on 4chan.

But something about being called an idiot on social media, where it's not anonymous, that gets to me.

For the first time I'm starting to believe it.

>> No.6638556

Nothing definitely exists.

>> No.6638786

>>6620783
I might be the only one in human history who couldn't fuck his fuckbuddy.

>> No.6638807

i should get back to writing holy fuck it's 2pm only 6 more hours where has time gone need to feed my snail agghhhhhh gotta exercise before i forget have no more piss bottles oh god maybe i can just distribute my piss into all seven bottles fuck i dropped my olive and it went into the piss

>> No.6638879

>>6620783
DAMN I FUCKING LOVE LIFE
No, seriously. I love it. EVERY. SINGLE. BIT. OF. LIFE. Flowing through my veinasnsoisuifhfiabandAAHH ITS BEAUTIFULFASD
DOY YOU LOVE LIFE<> BIROOTHERS AND SISTERS?!?!?! YES IOR NO ANSWER ALRADY

AND PLEA
SE SPRSHARE THE MSESAHEJEG

>> No.6638893

This rice is too tasty and too cold

>> No.6639353
File: 63 KB, 640x480, downloadfile-6.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6639353

>>6626439
>>6621108
She's undoubtedly guilty of that, and other things
I'm kind of disgusted by how much of a slut she is, and how she's lied about it. She gave me close to no grounds with her lies and kind had me subconsciously floating in doubt

The thought is largely defeatist, because I may one day want to, but I don't think I'll ever know the extent of her lies, and how much she's really done. But some sick shit to say the least

This past 5 years was something like a misguided game. I was kicked out, into the third home: my paternal grandparents
I was 18 and I started hanging out with friends outside of a school setting for the first time. One of the only people from highschool that I had kept in contact with before switching to independent study, a 21 year old who I used to get to steal alcohol for me, and who had acted as my weed dealer, seemed to have went through a transformation. He now dressed ghetto, and went from the yes man of another loser, to kind of the center of a large group he had helped connect.
Most of them were 16
This was when the group had begun splitting into factions and, as I realize now, kind of ditching the guy I knew. His name is Vick.
The main people we'd hang out with was a 15 year old, kind of cute girl named Lani, a 13 year old (not even joking) loud mouth, aggressive girl named Dez.
Sometimes a couple: 16 year old skater named Meech, and an attractive 18 year old named Melody, who I remembered from highschool as a quiet girl that I faintly knew was known as a slut.
Before leaving regular highschool after my sophomore year, I was coming into my own, starting to get attention from girls, and went from being embarrassed by not knowing people to hangout with during breaks to being kind of well known, though still not a huge talker outside of my circle
I had spent the past 2 years in relative solitude, the past year developing and completing my theories on metaphysics and philosophy (not joking)
I was ready to experience life. I wanted to have a fun social life I could be proud of, I saw this new group as a stepping stone that I hoped to soon be done with
I liked Lani and I wanted to fuck Melody. Needless to say I was a virgin and ready to lose it

In action though, I was awkward. I had no real social skills, and instead of letting myself be quiet and develop friendships, I completely faked being social. (But soon, with and only with, Vick Lani and Dez, there was a period of intense friendship and inside jokes being made daily)
And I was some kind of pushover. Me and Lani bought the alcohol, and often food, for the 4 of us while Vick acted like a Jew
Not a lot of people liked Vick, who was a compulsive lying people pleaser that tried to act like a thug, and I'd always be fighting or ready to fight for him, which is a real talent of mine

>> No.6639369
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6639369

It's hot.The uncomfortableness of being hot is making me anxious. Anxiety is a shit tier form of suffering.

>> No.6639370

>>6639353
Who's this cum slut succubus?

>> No.6639543
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6639543

I had an issue with trying too hard to connect with acquaintances, I'd be overly animated, overly enthusiastic and all over the place. It's funny now when some people say I've changed and became mean and angry, which is kind of true, but they don't realize how fake I was back then
Because of my social retardation, and the fact that Vick kind of acts as some kind of animated mockery of who he wants to be, we melded well together (obviously combined with a lot of drinking to compensate for, I think, the fact that we all hated, and still hate ourselves)
I live in the bay area. During 6th grade, pop culture took a strong shift toward rap, combined with reaching adolescence, this has created for some humorous character traits among the more autistic people among my age group, and some very annoying characteristics among the social people

Because of the quality of the people I know, the autistic traits above are common, to varying degrees dependent upon intelligence. It's inauthentic and pretty annoying
Because of the general area in the east bay that I grew up in, even the traits of the more social people described above are still common. They seemed to have missed the [indy?] and modern hip hop movements

To make these matters worse, I had a reputation that proceeded me, and not a good one. Because a computer programmer friend I had met online was gay, Vick would literally turn around to the people that kind of bullied him, and who he expected me to put in check if need be, and talk shit about me, saying I was gay. Worse, everyone seemed to know that I was in love with a slut who fucked everyone but me (though this was directly by my choice, and maybe butthurt, and a lot of suppressed jealousy and anger)

The first night I met Lani, I blacked out. That night I made out with her, and apparently another girl at a party that my popular female cousin invited me to.
The next time I met her and we madeout, which was forced on my part, and she said I didn't kiss the same; implying I both had less game and was a shittier kisser when not blacked out.
After that, there was first a certain, expected sexual tension between us. Some jealousy toward my getting close with Melody for the day her and Meech were briefly broken up, then not much of anything
I was socially retarded, no one I knew adored me much yet, this was before I became known for my fighting and I honestly don't think they liked me much.
But somewhere along the line, that changed. Meech went to jail and I'd sometimes makeout with Melody. She didn't really have much of a personality, because of her breath and the amount she'd sometimes eat, I knew she was bulimic. I also figured she had been molested. Because of all this, I'd be rough with her. I'd grab the back of her neck when she said something autistic, I'd bend and contort her body for no reason. She just took it all like it was natural. One day she at least pretended to get very drunk and aggressively tried to have sex with me

>> No.6640646
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6640646

>>6639543
I was ultimately a deer caught in headlights. I'd make out with her hard, treat her like a sub - but I was too much of a bitch, and was kind of turned off my her desperation (and one point the autistic slut was screaming fuck me fuck me
I think that if I had sex with her then, my life today would be very different

-Today, I haven't seen Melody in years. She's apparently happy with her supposed fun, autistc boyfriend. I know Meech didn't treat her well, I definitely wouldn't have, and she ended up cheating on this other guy. This guy is probably her speed, and I'm happy for her, but if I hung out with them, I would be sure to grope Melody while having fun talking to the guy, I know she'd be too afraid to start drama to say anything, and I know this would prep her to cheat on him when I got her alone, pushed her in a corner and pulled my dick out to make her suck it -

Seeing Melody was an intermittent occurrence, and I didn't like her a ton. I wanted to get closer with Lani. I told her I was starting to really have feelings for her, while feeling nothing. She wouldn't kiss me, and she seemed distant when I tried to get affectionate. The best she gave me was holding my hand at a distance. I felt a little disgusted with myself and the fact that she wouldn't like me
Some combination of me acting autistic, her sensing my lack if sincerity, her thinking that me and Melody were probably fucking, and probably the fact that she was fucking with another guy at the time. Her mom dropped me off at my grandparent's. I called my mom to yell at her for no reason while I banged on the cabinets.

A few nights later me, Lani and Vick met up his ex, Ashley. A trashy looking girl his age
We were at a park, me and Lani over here, Vick and Ashley over there, listening to this song - can't remember the fucking name, the edm beats, the sound of the lyrics, along with that time in life for me had this dark mystifying feeling. The lyrics themselves were terrible, but that song, my shitty Metro phone with a different number because I had lost my iPhone days after this story after blacking out, with It's watery dinging ring tone. Waking up at my grandparents house. Hanging out with Vick and us deciding 'lets call the girls', them answering thinking the same thing, experimenting at being a player with Melody, being socially retarded. Blacking out. The feeling of belonging, All define this period of time for me - the four of us left, with me and Lani holding hands. The thought of her was starting to feel pretty fucking cozy.
We'd periodically kiss and she'd say it didn't feel right. I was nervous, the kiss wasn't amazing, but I now realize that it came from her lack of self esteem. She was wondering if I was just trying to get in her pants.

The four of us made it to a log, and decided to hang out there.
As me and Lani were holding eachother, my feelings for her were genuine; I had never previously felt so close to a girl

>> No.6640655

>>6640646
The 'other guy' Melody cheated on was my friend Rob
Not her current boyfriend

>> No.6640675
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6640675

>lost at sea

>> No.6640706

This fucking coffee taste like turtle piss!!! and where's my goddamn cigarettes?

>> No.6640755

Two points. An exercise in dual life, NBA and a literature board. I never thought of sportsmen as gladiators but I recently saw the metaphor somewhere and lost amidst the drivel of metaironic bullshit I've been getting used to listen to and read. You know, farm kids always kind of fascinated me. Their innocence, even if just a façade or ruse. The way they're pagans in the strictest sense of the word. They aren't phased, you see. They just keep on fucking living and fuck you if you try to get in my way you fucking ghetto boy, and by ghetto I mean the city at large all the irony and postmodernism and the betatude crawling and seeping out of the fucking drainpipes. Gladiators it is; no other name to call that persistent underclass of sycophants and philistines. Exploitation or isolation seems to be our dilemma.