Anon's Adventures At A Book Reading

[Anonymous No.6577445]

Sup guys. I'm attending a mandatory book reading for one of my writing classes and it's an author I've never heard of. I'm not going to enjoy a bit of it, so I'm basically doing this for the sake of an audience; i.e. you.

I'll keep you guys up to date on the strange characters inside and throughout the reading, as well as tell you how good the lady is and whether her writing is shit or not.

While waiting for the room to open in a comfy seat, an old woman with a face like the "this makes me moist" image you see every once in a blue moon. She stepped in front of me to look at a painting on the wall, and then burped. Made eye contact. Stayed there.

Got accosted by the usher, an MFA looking brat with plaid and sweater shit, saying I couldn't sit in the front row. I am now just barely peeved.

[Anonymous No.6577451]

>>6577445
No, thank you.

[Anonymous No.6577457]

ok

[Anonymous No.6577460]

What are you actually reading tho?

[Anonymous No.6577473]

Entry One

I have never seen so many button up plaid shirts and short women's haircuts in my life.

One lady is knitting a goddamn blanket.

T minus 10 minutes, then I listen to the wonderful words of Claire Vaye Watkins.

>>6577460
I wish I knew anon.

[Anonymous No.6577479]

His name is Tao Lin

[Anonymous No.6577489]

>>6577473
>T minus 10 minutes, then I listen to the wonderful words of Claire Vaye Watkins.

stopped reading here

[Anonymous No.6577514]

>>6577473
Entry Two

I'll dump my modest collection of pepes if anyone can guess which uni I'm at.

The girl to the left of me describes an art piece she was looking at, a collection of a guy's hair that he buzzes and then arranges, presumably to take pictures.

Literary QT's abound. I question my choice of classes this term, a lot of them look really nice and smart, but they're accompanied by their gay besties and the carbon copies of your stereotypical friendzoned bitch.

Also, noticing a pattern of extremely thin girls. Not just the svelt or the sexy, but the anorexically thin. girls whose growth must have been stunted by their diet of activated spinach pills. Their posture is slumped, their flesh either pale or titanium white. Their teeth stick out like horses.

Also noticed I'm probably the only person here alone.

[Anonymous No.6577558]

>>6577514
This feels like a writing exercise.

[Anonymous No.6577564]

>>6577514
Entry Three

SoupBro just showed up. No longer alone. Was about ready to feel like ultra-processed shit, but there's really no reason to anymore since I'm suffering in solidarity.

The room has come under a sudden hush, the usher and his lackeys scurry across the front of the room. A man with a suit jacket and a lumberjack red plaid shirt stepped up and is giving an introduction. Apparently she's named one of her characters after herself. Minus one point.

How do you manage to say, "um" when reading off of a paper? I would like to know; it's just been done in front of me and it's the first time I've seen it.

The novel she's reading from hasn't been released yet. Should I be concerned? It's an entirely unrevised work.

SURPRISE it's an overweight, pasty white girl. She's 'quirky' already.

[Anonymous No.6577602]

>>6577564

Entry Four, A Sudden Understanding Of Disinterest

>Doing X at Y had been a mistake, this Z knew.
Opened with a cliche. Not good.

>He put his hand in between her thighs and she groaned. Too hot for sex.
Glanced right at this gawky dude who looked like a boy neanderthal with frames. She's constantly stumbling over her words.

Now there's an extended scene where the MC kicks a prairie dog into her library. "Scree", said on three different occasions for the voice of the prairie dog. I am now doubly concerned.

Am I wasting my time with this or is there a single anon out there that even mildly enjoys this?

[Anonymous No.6577605]

>>6577473

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claire_Vaye_Watkins

>She is the daughter of former Charles Manson's "Family" member Paul Watkins

[Anonymous No.6577613]

>>6577602
Follow someone into the bathroom.

[Anonymous No.6577614]

>>6577602

I'm enjoying this.

[Anonymous No.6577633]

>>6577602
I enjoy this a lot actually

[Anonymous No.6577652]

>>6577602
keep going opie

[Anonymous No.6577661]

>>6577602
Entry Five: In Which My Feet Hurt And I Wish I Was At Home Squatting

Story so far: Lois, an empty character that hates sand, lives with her bad boy boyfriend in the middle of a canyon, in the middle of Arizona. There's a massive drought; they're alone in the canyon city trying to survive.

So she's broken out of the reading twice to make comments, one for saying she didn't know how to pronounce a word despite putting it in (probably a 'quirky' move), second for a variation on "I've always wanted to say that" after a shitty speech.

And now she's got a misogynistic father character taking care of a pregnant gal, father of the boyfriend. Lots of use of the words, 'vaginal,' 'menstrual,' and 'labia.' I'm exceedingly uncomfortable and bored.

[Anonymous No.6577666]

>>6577614
>>6577633
nice try op

[Anonymous No.6577678]

>>6577661
Entry Six: Animal Cruelty

So the prairie dog the MC kicked is actually a gopher. Ray, the bf, went into the room where it was trapped and then took it outside and threw it into a ravine. What the actual fuck.

Sex scene. Blissfully nondescriptive. I was ready to walk out.

I don't think the main character has any traits besides hating sand and being afraid of rodents. The reading's over, I'll ask questions if any anons have good ones.

>>6577666
I acknowledge your dubtrips friend

[Anonymous No.6577709]

>>6577678
Entry Seven: Of Prose And Plot

Throughout the entire reading, there wasn't an inkling of prose. Her entire introduction was plot driven, X did Y, Z said A, etc. There was nothing interesting about it, just memory exposition of the world and a really odd obsession on sex in the desert.

She read a really small excerpt from part 2, the prose was really nice actually, likening the sand dunes to an extended, ropy scar. Visually and prosaically, it was the most pleasing aspect of the reading.

Also, plot hole, there's literally no water to drink and somehow they're surviving on coca cola. Physically impossible, they would have either died of thirst ages ago or the author would have to include long passages on their constant dehydrated suffering.

"You're writing is always so surprising," said Mr. GoldSheckSteinBerg, famous for his ass-kissing and whale-seducing skills. "It's always such a treat." Anon vomited in the background and painted the balding hipster fuck ahead of him the pattern of Alpenflage.

"Your book is based in the future, but it feels like it's really about the past." Yeah, no, I listened to an account of a pest control attempt an hour out of Tuscon. Outside of the really lazy exposition of the world, mostly built out of memories and visits to cloud seeders.

[Anonymous No.6577719]

Yeah but follow someone into the bathroom.

[Anonymous No.6577735]

>>6577709
Entry Eight: I Have Plans Tonight And I Don't Want To Listen To More Of Your Shit

Great story about her living in the midwest and not being able to make friends with other women since she would root through their fridge.

Somebody's asking her about the thirst thing. Now that I remember, there wasn't any mention of food either. Basically, she responds by saying that her question is that of a well adjusted woman. In other words, she fucked up and didn't think about the consequences of little water and hundreds of grams of sugar and caffeine per day.

>>6577719
I don't understand your meme, friend.

[Anonymous No.6577743]

>>6577735
It's simple - follow someone into the bathroom to, y'know, watch them pee or poop or something, then write about it.

[Anonymous No.6577756]

anon, I live for this shit

you need to up your game tho, become part of the story, ask a literary qt about Canadian literary doyennes while stroking your nippy nip

[Anonymous No.6577769]

>>6577735

Entry The Ninth: In Which She's Not That Bad I Suppose

She's talking about the political bits, and that she's not trying to solve the water crisis or anything. I'm pretty happy about that, I would've walked out if she started ranting. Thank you lady.

>>6577743
n-no anon

>>6577756
There's qt's here man. My school isn't even that big and I'd rather look at least dignified in front of all these skinny hipster hunnies.

[Anonymous No.6577789]

>>6577769

Entry Ten: In Which I Retract My Previous Entry's Title

It took her nine months to write out the first chapter. NINE MONTHS. FOR THAT SHIT. FOR A FUCKING GOPHER-PUNTING, SAND HATING, LAZILY WRITTEN PIECE OF LITERARY GARBAGE.

This was a really awful week to quit smoking.

"How has teaching changed the way you write?"
>It makes you put your money where your mouth is. Shows you places where you can challenge the conventions.
Well that's cool that she teaches. It's a goal of mine someday, though I'd like to write more palatable works.

[Anonymous No.6577805]

>>6577789
Entry Eleven: Fin

Well it's over. This was a waste of time and I could have been chatting up my tinder slam but there's assignments that needed to be done. Kill me.

Thanks for reading guys! Made it bearable to know you guys were here with me <3

[Anonymous No.6577824]

>>6577805
*clapping*

[Anonymous No.6577865]

>>6577805
I was interested and read the whole thing.

Have a pepe for your troubles.

[Anonymous No.6577883]

>>6577805
thx anon i love you bud

[Anonymous No.6577896]

>>6577445

how is this a thread? I work in an independent bookstore and we have a reading/launch every week or two weeks. A bunch of the city's huge assholes who are wannabe litterati show up and talk about the shitty books they love while drinking our wine and eating our food and massaging their fucking ponytails while hitting on women way out of their league. Everyone at a book launch is almost inevitably a huge cunt/philistine because what kind of a self-respecting reader would actually go to the kind of a cash grab that is a reading.

[Anonymous No.6578233]

I love you OP

[Anonymous No.6578293]

>>6577605
Oh wow, thats beyond even SJW level of fucked up, dont Most Manson family members still worship his white trash ass to this day?

[Anonymous No.6578302]

>>6577709
>daughter of Manson family
>obsession with sex in the desert
Thats not surprising at all actually
Dud she mention drugs at all? Any hint of kooky spirituality?

[Anonymous No.6578303]

>>6577865
thats a rare pepe

[Anonymous No.6578326]

>>6577805
Thanks, dude. If you have another one make sure to let us know.

[Anonymous No.6579161]

>>6577489
its sarcasm sorry that you're too dumb anon