Welcome to my thread

[Anonymous No.6575776]

Opinion and critique please.

Okay /lit/, I know it's too soon to ask for an opinion, but i'll do it anyway. Don't take this as a showcase of a final form, this is just a concept for a style and form in which I'd write the thing.

I've never written anything before in my life(it probably shows), just keep that in mind. I just want to know if I should even bother.

I am aware that it looks pretentious. My idea is to write about a relationship between mind, body and world/space/our surroundings(call it what you like). Each of which would represented as a 'character'; 5 of them in total – mind, body, earth(or rather a planet, just a massive desert), sky and sun/star(which is supposed to represent universe as whole, rather than just a single star). Different font for each character, text in italic is supposed to be minds' train of thought, especially when body is about give up/die. Italic is an utter clusterfuck because I wrote it with closed eyes without any editing, but all it really needs, I think, is just comma here and there. You can place those yourself.

So laugh away or whatever, just let me know.
Thanks

[Anonymous No.6575790]

I seek attention.

[Anonymous No.6575797]

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[Anonymous No.6575811]

>>6575776
>plentyfull
>..
Stopped reading there.
>I wrote it with closed eyes without any editing, but all it really needs, I think, is just comma here and there. You can place those yourself.
That's insultive.

[Anonymous No.6575814]

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[Anonymous No.6575893]

[saghe No.6575914]

good lord you autist get a clue on your terrible writing and stop bumping your shit thread

[Anonymous No.6575923]

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[Anonymous No.6575968]

>>6575776
Ok, here some feedback. I don't think it's great, but there are worse things.
Not much happened, just a stream of consciousness. I found it a bit boring, not really speaking to me. Not funny, thought-provoking, original.
Actually, I liked the first 10+ sentences. I expected something surprising, action, mysterious, whatever. However, I got some pretentious blah blah.
Don't give up, just try different ideas.
Different fonts, especially italic, makes me tired to go on reading

[Anonymous No.6576018]

>>6575968
Thanks for your feedback.

[Anonymous No.6576025]

It's shit.

I don't have anything constructive to say, so just try harder ya little faggot

[Anonymous No.6576123]

My first impression is that this was written by someone trying to be pretentious. Not written by an actual pretentious person, because that would have more merit. This is someone desperately attempting to write in a way they think other people view pretentious ideology.

I can't help but feel like the author read a few chapters of Ulysses, thought "If Joyce can slap together some words and call it art, so can I", but doesn't actually understand the concept of modernist literature.

Or you're attempting to fertilize intellectual thought with nigh-1960's Hippie levels of artistic intellectualism. If so, you're heading somewhere big mate. Keep it up.

[Anonymous No.6576200]

>>6576123
>I can't help but feel like ... doesn't actually understand the concept of modernist literature.
I have not read enough modernist literature so I'm not trying to imitate it or fit in.

>Or you're attempting to fertilize intellectual thought with nigh-1960's Hippie levels of artistic intellectualism.
Same as before. It seem to me, that you're trying to categorize me, but I'm just trying to translate my state of mind into writing.

My goal is to show the difficulty of understanding our world through our mind, as it is very specific for each person. And then put it into perspecitve of universe.

I'd just like to know, if the setting I chose could be comprehensible. Conflict and cooperation of spiritual mind and physical body in an hostile enviroment of large scale that renders our actions meaningless. But at the same time it is not meaningless because your mind is the only thing that shapes the universe.
I might have my head or mindset too... far out. I don't know...

[Anonymous No.6576270]

[Anonymous No.6576313]

[Anonymous No.6576325]

>>6576200
not far out, just bland and simplistic