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/lit/ - Literature

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6550546 No.6550546 [Reply] [Original]

Sup faggots, can you guys give me some advice for the book I'm writing in terms of theme and plotting.

Basically it's about an early 20 something nerdy guy who's a college drop out, lives with his parents and works a dead end convenience store job. He's pretty unlucky with women as well. However that all changes when he runs into a mysterious man who shows him how truly hollow and empty modern consumerist society is. Together these two transgressive misfits travel America gathering like minded people into their movement that eschews the modern day feminist-capitalism liberal system in favor of a masculine brotherhood that fights the system that oppresses them. In terms of influence my main ones are Fight Club (Palahniuk) and Atlas Shrugged (Rand)

The themes I want to put across are the hollowness of most peoples lives in the capitalist society, the fact that most Americans are blind sheep that follow the governments every word, and the fact that cultural marxism is pussyfying our society.

How can I most effectively marry these themes with the broader narrative without bogging down the story itself? Also what do you think of my concepts?

>> No.6550561

>>6550546
Sounds very original and unique anon well done

>> No.6550575

>>6550546
>Basically it's about an early 20 something nerdy guy who's a college drop out, lives with his parents and works a dead end convenience store job. He's pretty unlucky with women as well. However that all changes when he runs into a mysterious man who shows him how truly hollow and empty modern consumerist society is. Together these two transgressive misfits travel America gathering like minded people into their movement that eschews the modern day feminist-capitalism liberal system in favor of a masculine brotherhood that fights the system that oppresses them.

So basically shit, you mean. Why are you worrying so much about how you're going to write it? It's going to blow chunks anyway so just do it however the fuck you can, faget.

>In terms of influence my main ones are Fight Club (Palahniuk) and Atlas Shrugged (Rand)

Kill yourself.

>> No.6550585

>>6550546
Thanks man. I was having a rough day, I needed that. 8.5/10

>> No.6550592
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6550592

>> No.6550611

normally I'd encourage creative efforts of any kind

but your idea is so atrociously bad, pitiful, shameful and devoid of any expression other than "I want to force my politics down the readers' throats" that I'd say you should jump off a fucking bridge before writing a book

>> No.6551771

>>6550611

Oh as opposed to other books that are totally apolitical and don't force politics at all? Grow up kid.

>> No.6552116

bump

>> No.6552129

Jesus Christ, that's gold. Please sell it on Amazon, I'd love to laugh at it.

>> No.6552137

Sounds a bit like a Candide style satire.

>> No.6552246

Ok, here's an extract from the first chapter, tell me what you think.

>I looked towards my co-workers. In each of their faces I saw the face of a slave, they were little more than automatons. Work, eat, fuck die. That was the cultural brainwashing they all bought into. Buy into the system and the system will reward you with a house and a mate, where you are expected to produce more consumers for the great machine. I often wondered how this Ponzi scheme continued to proliferate, how a society based around production for the sake of consumption, meaninglessly producing and consuming in the face of the inevitable howling void didn’t just collapse in the face of its own existential futility. I sighed, wearily, and continued to sip my lukewarm coffee. My co-workers were discussing some banal reality television show, who they thought was going to win the hollow competition, the modern day freak show made culturally acceptable. It honestly made me sick, the intellectual vacuousness of those around me made me question whether this might be the generation that bought the tenuous house of cards of civilisation crashing down. At that time I was a reluctant part of the machine, desperate to break free, but I felt trapped by the institutional mechanisms that forced me into the serfdom of banal manual labour for the almighty Tesco corporation. I needed to break free soon, but luckily for me a release from this emptiness was closer than I realised.

I fear it might be a little too much on the nose but I really needed to get the point accross

>> No.6552294

>>6552246
A full length novel of that would be insufferable. Which is what happens when you list Palahniuk and Rand as your influences. This would only be readable as a short story, maybe a novella at best.

>> No.6552510

>>6552294

Well to be fair I'm undecided about the narrative style yet, I'm just drafting out the basics. I know you guys think this stuff is too edgy but I'm trying to express some deep seated stuff and this isn't even my first draft yet. That's why I'm asking for advice.

>> No.6552877

>>6552246

Very cringe inducing

>> No.6552890

>>6552246
The paragon of edge.

>> No.6552910

>>6552246
This is terrible writing born of the naive assumption that you are the first person to blame society for the fact that you are bored at work.

>> No.6552994

>>6551771
>writing
>because 'you have something to say'
kill yourself

>> No.6553119

If it makes you feel any better OP my first ever piece of writing was much worse than yours.

It was about a gigantic ship floating on the ocean. There were these warring factions on it (ninjas, cow boys, knights, some others) and zombies.
Periodically some fresh men would arrive. In the end you learned that they were brought by aliens who had conquered the earth and decided to see who was the best human fighter across history so they could clone it and enter it in an alien reality TV show where different alien empires pit the best fighters of their empires against each other.
This was before the days of hunger games etc.
Keep in mind I was 13, extremely beta, and bored.

In the end the humans ally and beat the aliens, and the alien conglomerate offer to let them have their own empire and a possibility to enter the reality tv show as the earthan empire.

>> No.6553128

This is all garbage. Stop.

>> No.6553139

>>6553119
That sounds a lot less terrible than OPie's thing because at least you were being terrible without shoving an extremely trite ideology down everyone's throats in the most uninspired way imaginable while thinking you had something "important" to say.

>> No.6553142
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6553142

I thought /lit/ was better at recognizing bait than this.

>> No.6553148

>>6553142
It's not bait. He posted an actual sample and tried to defend it and everything. If it were bait he wouldn't have a sample to post.

>> No.6553167

>>6553148
The sample was one paragraph. Not hard to write, for the master baitor.

>> No.6553180

>>6553167
Most master baitors are too lazy to write even a paragraph.

>> No.6553185

>>6553180
they're not true masters. They cannot bait with only one hand.

>> No.6553190
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6553190

>>6553180
He used the word banal twice in one paragraph. A true master baitor.

>> No.6553217

>>6550575
>I disagree with your views so it will be shit

>> No.6553242

hey guys not op buyt how about mine

I was starring at the floor. It was raining (outside, of course). But it was also raining - raining in my soul. For society can't see. They can't see! Blind, I tell you! And it's right under their noses... no! I had to do something. I had to take action; action, against the SHEEP MENTHALITY

That's when it struck. The lightning. VVRUSHSHH-BABOOMTOOt

I knew what had to be done. I killed myself. I did it - I finally did it, Reddit! AMA

>> No.6553264
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6553264

>>6553217

>> No.6553313

OP here, I could use some actual constructive feedback, not just shitposting and memeing thanks.

>> No.6553324

>>6553313
Then I'd say you came to the wrong place.

>> No.6553334

>>6553313
From the summary it sounds too much like a knockoff of fight club but played straight. Be more original.

>> No.6553721

>>6550546
I was on board till you mentioned Rand.

>> No.6553748

>>6553242
>AMA
Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or a hundred duck-sized horses?

>> No.6553770

>>6553748
why not both?

>> No.6554399

>>6553721

It's influenced by Rand in the sense that the disillusioned 20 something men that are inspired break away from society in a similar way to in Atlas Shrugged. It's not really Randian or Objectivist.

>> No.6554412

>>6550546
>>6552246
You're just re-writing Fight Club essentially. Why bother?

>> No.6554421

>>6552246
What I don't understand is you said he meets a guy who SHOWS him how empty and hollow things are but given this excerpt your main character is apparently quite aware of that already. So what the fuck does your manic pixie dream guy do exactly if the main characters eyes are already open to how empty everything is?

>> No.6554433

Baitbaitbaitbaitbait

BAIT


B a i t

Fuck, this was a suxxess

>> No.6554446

>>6554421
Subconscious homo-eroticism on OPie's part, I suppose. Maybe he secretly (or not so secretly) wants some sort of "mentor" (read fuckbuddy) to show him the "empty and hollow" (by which OPie might really mean "totally hawt") world of fucking dudes?

>> No.6554470

>>6550546
9/10 b8 anon you I subtracted a point because it's summer but still you should be proud this is some high quality shit.

>> No.6554505

>>6552246
LOL

>> No.6554511

>>6552246
kek

>> No.6554560

>>6552246
Shit shit shit shit

Okay, well it would be better if the mc wasn't like
>muh sheeples
All the time. Try not to make it too dark or you'll go over the edge.

>> No.6554742

>>6554446

>homo eroticism
>bad

>> No.6555644

Don't write for your premise; write with your premise. Also writing monologues as you did with >>6552246 doesn't make your character relatable. It just makes him a mouthpiece for author preaching.
Not to mention the prose. Oh, dear God, the prose! Less is more and what you just wrote in that journey of a paragraph could reasonably be shaved down to a few short sentences. Nearly all of the adjectives are already implied which makes them useless filler, some of the sentences are implied (God save your soul, son. It's the rock bottom of writing), and if you would have written in some subtle character development even the entire damn paragraph would be implied. You actually just wrote in an entire fucking paragraph about a character's world view that could have been inferred from describing the character as "some lardass sipping mocha in totally-not-Starbucks."
Despite all of this, I still encourage you to write. Not because I care for your work, but because you should care that you improve. We were this shitty despite what the next guy will say. The only way you'll improve is practice. Fucking practice. Jesus waterwalking Christ dude write a fucking chapter a day, throw it in the fucking trash can, burn the fucking trash can, drive the remains of the trash can to Shawshank to torture the prisoners there, lay awake thinking of the shitty job you just did, and write another chapter tomorrow and the next day until your English teacher finally puts a smiley face sticker in the margin of your work. You're gonna make it brah.

>> No.6555851
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6555851

>>6552246
101/10

>> No.6555941

This is actually pretty good bait. 8/10, well done OP

>> No.6556455

>>6554742
Who said it was bad? All I'm saying is that Opie either isn't aware of it or is ashamed to the point where he feels the need to poorly disguise it in the trappings of an angst-laden fight club knockoff.

>> No.6556555

>>6552246
This reads as if it is meant to be funny.

>> No.6556563

>>6555644
I hope you dont write your stories with this mindset. I almost puked.

>> No.6556665

>>6556455

Except I'm OP and the story has intentional homoerotic undertones and the main character is bisexual.

>> No.6557686

>>6552246
Are you underage?

>> No.6558700

>>6557686

I'm 20

>> No.6558788

>>6552246
> I sighed, wearily, and continued to sip my lukewarm coffee.
> I sighed, wearily, and continued to sip my lukewarm coffee.
> I sighed, wearily, and continued to sip my lukewarm coffee.

>> No.6560554

>>6550546
I like it.