Old testament > New testament

[Anonymous No.6411172]

Is there honestly somewhere here on /lit/ that prefers the new testament to the old?

The old had all the cool shit, and quotes like:
>Ezekiel 25:17
>The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Prove me wrong new testa fags.

[Anonymous No.6411177]

ITT: Old test alpha males

[McFucking killyourself No.6411190]

>>6411172
>hey guys im so cool I read the bible
>im sooo christiaj unlike all those dumb neckbeard fedora autist faggots
>look I bought my own cross too!!!
>I hear lit like christianity so im gonna post it there!
>Look people are agreeing with me!
>I should post it again 5 minutes later!

[Anonymous No.6411202]

>cool shit

the only cool shit is jesus christ

[Anonymous No.6411204]

>>6411172
O y buddy I like the story where a dude fucks his daughters in a cave lmaaaao wild shit

[Anonymous No.6411209]

>>6411202
this tbh

[Anonymous No.6411210]

>>6411204
Hahha :DDD that story was ebin xDD

[Anonymous No.6411248]

>>6411172

Nice quote

[Anonymous No.6411254]

>>6411248
Ay man god said the same shit on both occasions lol thats wierd

[Anonymous No.6411258]

Favorite stories?
I like the story where God tells some dude to kill his son, but then at the last minute says "lol jk".

[Anonymous No.6411303]

>>6411258

I like the story where God tells Abraham he has a crush on him so he has to cut off part of his dick.

[Anonymous No.6411309]

>>6411303
Haha oh wow

my favorite one as a kid was when a guy prayed to god to make some kids stop making fun of him for going bald so god sends a pack of bears after the kids lel

[Anonymous No.6411792]

I enjoy the New Testament to a certain extent because I can relate to parts of it. I couldn't care less about the Old Testament tbh, I'm not really into history.

[Anonymous No.6411801]

>all these derivatives

Get on my level, scrub

[Anonymous No.6411811]

The new testament has the sounder ideology. Christianity should have dumped the old testament like a sack of bricks.

[Anonymous No.6411819]

>>6411258
That story is actually pretty damn powerful tbh lads

[Anonymous No.6411828]

>>6411172
what is God's view on humor?

[Anonymous No.6411829]

>>6411828
He made you, he liked a laugh.

[Anonymous No.6411838]

>>6411801
>when the kids think they thought of it first
Aw, cute

[Anonymous No.6411839]

>>6411172
fuck off tarantino

[Anonymous No.6411880]

>>6411828
"Forgive me: I can’t speak in noble style,

And since I’m still reviled by this whole crew,

My pathos would be sure to make you smile,

If you had not renounced all laughter too."

Mephistopheles, Faust I, 275-278

[Anonymous No.6411891]

>>6411172
>le Tarantino guys!
>Do you speak le English? XDD

[Anonymous No.6411901]

>>6411838
Polytheism is simply assumed for most of ancient history because the abrahamic religions like to depict themselves as a higher level of enlightened monotheism. But there is little too say that monotheism wasn't just as popular in prehistoric times. We just have not records of it.

[Anonymous No.6411918]

>>6411828
Gelos and Budai loved it. Although they probably laughed at the equivalent of someone slipping on banana skins and bruising his cock.

[Anonymous No.6411966]

Prologue from the Gospel of John (KJV):

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

2 The same was in the beginning with God.

3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.

4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.

6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John.

7 The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe.

8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light.

9 That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.

10 He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not.

11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not.

12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:

13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

15 John bare witness of him, and cried, saying, This was he of whom I spake, He that cometh after me is preferred before me: for he was before me.

16 And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace.

17 For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.

18 No man hath seen God at any time, the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him.

[Anonymous No.6412009]

Ecclesiastes is awesome.

[Anonymous No.6412049]

New Testament is Bestament.

[Dungeon Master !tphHcgvFXU No.6412091]

And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.

[Anonymous No.6412115]

Obadiah 1:2-4

2 “See, I will make you small among the nations;
you will be utterly despised.
3
The pride of your heart has deceived you,
you who live in the clefts of the rocks[a]
and make your home on the heights,
you who say to yourself,
‘Who can bring me down to the ground?’
4
Though you soar like the eagle
and make your nest among the stars,
from there I will bring you down,”
declares the Lord.

[Anonymous No.6412123]

Why would you choose between two books of badly argued prescriptions. God doesn't even exist.

[Anonymous No.6412131]

>>6412123
le hat may may
that means you're gay XD

[Anonymous No.6412191]

>>6412123
reddit wants its baitheism back several years ago.
>captcha: select all wine
>not select all This Is My Blood

[Anonymous No.6412196]

>>6411172
OT:
>Blessed is the one who dashes their babies against the rocks
NT:
>A new command I give you: love one another

[Anonymous No.6412200]

>>6412131
noooo

le hat maymay
wrong because feminist hair dyes won't like me

I am tipped

[Anonymous No.6412212]

>>6412115
This reminds me of a major contemporary praise song that completely misundersatnds Joel. The song is 'Give Thanks' (I think), and it uses the 'let the weak say 'I am strong'' portion for encouragement when in fact in proper context it is condemnation of false confidence.
(Also for one-chapter books you can leave out the 1: part)

[Anonymous No.6412286]

the old testament is for edgelords with the exception of genesis, ecclesiastes, job, and maybe Baruch

[Anonymous No.6412306]

>>6411811
It did. That's literally what Christianity is.

[Anonymous No.6412310]

>>6412191
Yes and I just had to select all the bread a minute ago.
>mfw when finitum non capax infinitum is forced on participants of this siberian painted breadboard forum

[Anonymous No.6414987]

Well, there's the whole thing about that not actually being in the bible and actually being a quote from pulp fiction.

[ΟΥΤΙΣ No.6415087]

>>6411828
The YHWH parts (translated as Lord or *Lord* God, as opposed to simply God) frequently contain humor. A good example of this is talking ass: the point of humor is that the guy riding the ass is supposedly a seer, whereas the ass can actually see the the Angel of Death, while the seer is fucking blind to it. It's a jab at seers in general.