Current Projects

[Anonymous No.6315340]

ITT: What are you working on currently, /lit/?

I'm working on my noir detective novel, set in contemporary times but with an MC pulled right from classic 30's-50's PI stories. A drunk, chain-smoking womanizer with plenty of ghosts and nothing to lose. He takes on all the worst cases in a terrible city. He always solves them, but they never end well and he rarely gets paid. Pretty sure the main case in the novel (a missing teen, several million in stolen cash, and a corporate secret all tied together) will end somewhat happily, but will also result in the MC's demise.

It's cowboy bebop, 007, batman, and se7en all rolled up into one big clusterfuck

it's pretty shitty and kind of edgy, but it's fun to write pulp in the voice of a narrator from classic noir stuff


how about you guys?

[Anonymous No.6315347]

I'm working on some pretty awful light novel just for the lulz of getting it published in a specialized publisher we have here. Outside of that just short stories, revisiting work and trying to make it less shitty, same old same old.

[Anonymous No.6315351]

Working on a script for a short movie based on "The Last Messiah" by Peter Wessel Zapffe.

Have the outline but I am struggling with holding all the elements and subtext in my head as a plan the scenes and dialogues.

[Anonymous No.6315355]

>>6315340
I'm just writing. Here's some bullshit:

>Sigh, teethgrinding boredom and stifling silence, silentium est aurum they say, but fuck no, silence is a thing it can envelope you and force you to smell the walls of your nostrils and hear the splutter of your heart like an incessant fartnoise! But there is more, it makes me clamp my hands and feel the sweat come pouring into them and the niagara of butterflies flows once again. Fuck silence! Leave me alone! I need sunlight!

[Anonymous No.6315358]

>>6315351
you should keep notes around so you don't end up remembering them when it's too late and feeling like a failure.

[Anonymous No.6315384]

>>6315358
Yeah, I have several lists of elements, character backgrounds motivations and feelings etc...

It;s just that not only Am I writing It I also have to consider the parts of the movie that will bring out ideas using camera angles composition lightning etc..
Music/sound choices and the way they are used can also take part in telling the story.
You can say things just by showing something a certain way so technical issues become part of the story as well.

[Anonymous No.6315395]

>>6315384
and of course im limited by an almost nonexistent budget.
I'm lucky most actors here will work for free.

[Anonymous No.6315397]

a novella that I'm about a third of the way through (10k words rn) about a inquisitor travelling up a tower in the desert to find his nemesis


it's.... difficult

[Anonymous No.6315458]

>>6315355
cool

do you have anything longer?

[Anonymous No.6315473]

>>6315458
>The sense that I was existing on borrowed time always gnawed at the insides of my head, as if I was supposed to have been doing something completely different with my life, i.e living it, instead of ruminating over it like a delayed-fuse suicide.
>What a festering fuck-hole I've contried to exist in without stopping to even ask myself if I wanted to be here, or if fate condemned me to be a sorry man-child. Hah! My volition is my own and the moments when I choose a choice with righteousness, I feel invigoration, but I feel lost now, and jailed by circumstances. But I do not see why. I can just leave the job? Fuck me, the butterflies just niagara my stomach just thinking about it, and this 3 dollar pasta is also fucking heinous, goddamnit, splurge it all out; there we go ! Drink some beer to clear the air...!

[Anonymous No.6315478]

>>6315458
>>6315473
It follows some train of thought, but I don't think it's really good.

I have to just keep writing and siphoning the parts that seem good at least.

[Anonymous No.6315521]

Turning the notes I have for one short story about a kid's TV show into a story and seeing where it goes. Rewriting the bulk of another short story so the main narration is in a different voice because the current one is hard to take seriously. I've got a little >300 word fragment thing sitting on my desktop too that might be used for something. Still doing research for my novel but I should really focus more on that.
Oh and some of my friends want to find arts funding to turn my last short story into a film and/or a dance/performance exhibition thing which I'm a bit speechless about.

[Anonymous No.6315523]

A novella called "Ivan and Roy".

It's about the friendship of two men who meet in a California coastal town in the 1960's. One is a migrant farmer, the other is a young discharged Marine squatting in his ex-wife's cabin. They struggle together through homelessness, and eventually join a fringe Christian church.

It's based on a year I spent in San Luis Obispo County. The main character is a little underdeveloped, most of my writing rather going toward the development of "Roy", who is based on a former friend of mine, as well as two California serial murderers.

[Anonymous No.6315591]

>>6315478
Yeah. Keep refining. New writers often think hyper-anxious and everyday self-consciousness is incredibly interesting, but it's often just tedious and unoriginal. I think you do a nice job - keep writing.

[Anonymous No.6315609]

>>6315591
Indeed it is, but it's supposed to be part of a bigger picture in the book, so I tried to keep a somewhat ironic tone on it.

But thanks for the kind words.

[Anonymous No.6315666]

Here's an extract:

The room was pitch-black, except for the flickering of single candle dotted at the edge of the room.

'Bang,' the gun said, and the candle went out.

'Smoking shot, Jimmy. You're a real sharpshooter, no doubt about that. Not even the lights survive when you're on the scene'.

Tommy grinned. A grin so big and so wide that not even the prevailing darkness they now found themselves in could contain it.

'I'm sure one day you'll be that good, Jim'

'I got a long way to go I guess'

'Keep thinking positive, and keep shooting whenever you get the chance. Just imaging you're taking a pot-shot at those social-justice warriors from the internet and let your heart do the rest'

Tommy surmised this to be excellent advice. He hated the internet people with a passion and knew that one day he'd hate them just as much as Tommy did. Gun in his hand and right-wing ideology burning in his chest, he believed that he'd get the hang of it eventually.

Now that they'd found Old McGreg's treasure trove nothing could stop them. Not even academia, and they both knew how bothersome that old chestnut could be.

[Anonymous No.6315668]

>>6315340
I'm sketching out ideas for what will probably be (if I actually write it) a painfully pretentious 'experimental' novel about the relationship between how we craft a world with our words and how we craft reality with our perceptions. So far I have a lot of structural ideas and not enough plot to tie it together. Also, half the ideas read like they're for a lit crit book rather than a novel, which might be an issue.

[Anonymous No.6315771]

>>6315340
A short story that at first seems like typical office-grind stuff but really the MC is in the accounting department of Hell

The air conditioning was broken again, although it was broken most of the time. Every few weeks the fans would resume their quiet thrumming, pouring out cool air for a brief spate, exciting all of Miles’ coworkers into a relaxed frenzy of grateful grumbling.

“Ah, finally!”
“About time!”
“Heaven must be just like this; 65 sweet, refreshing degrees all the time!”

Eventually though, the AC would putter to a disappointing stop. Sometimes it was with a wisp of smoke, mocking those collected around the vents, sometimes with a simple ca-clunk, an onomatopoeic soundtrack to life in the cubicles. Everyone would then return to their work, their souls crushed a little more, feeling even hotter than before. Miles took a kind of grim pleasure in the dance they all did. He thought traditions were important.

“Miles, where’s that Hoffman account I asked you for? It seems like I asked twenty years ago,” Bob complained through drooping jowls and a heavy flop sweat.

“No way, couldn’t have been more than ten,” Miles replied, annoyed that someone had disrupted the monotony that left him so satisfyingly numb inside.

“Ha ha. With a wit like that, it’s a wonder you haven’t accomplished more by now. I mean it’s baffling. You’re just so damned personable,” chided Bob, with sarcasm thicker than his several chins. “Anyway, you better finish that up. You know how the boss hates keeping clients in limbo. Oh, and HR wants to see you.”

“Human Reeducation? Not again,” Miles groaned, recycling the office joke that was so old no one bothered noticing it wasn’t the least bit funny. The Human Resources department was constantly issuing memos and giving seminars about the latest things you couldn’t say, replacing them with long and hard-to-remember phrases instead. You could lose half your vocabulary after a single meeting with HR, hence the pithy name “Human Reeducation.”

[Anonymous No.6315864]

>>6315340
Some pulp-y speculative fiction about various World War 2 battleships being rebuilt and piloted by handsome/cute teenagers as part of a massive gladiatorial television program in the future.

I've already blocked out some space in a literary mag for its publication -- but I don't want to serialize anything until I've gotten sufficiently far enough with my second editor.

Shit sucks man --- especially when I'm thinking my main audience is going to accuse of it being a KanColle rip-off when I started it almost four years ago.

[H.Q.S.S.G No.6315876]

Eight or so poems in progress and an epic I've been working on for a few months, a tragedy, and an essay on humanities for a university magazine.

I'm awful at writing plays but they're fun.

[Anonymous No.6315880]

>>6315771
That's cool, reminds me a lot of 'Exhortation' and 'Escape from Spiderhead' by George Saunders in 'Tenth of December' - might be really good to look at.

[Anonymous No.6315930]

Okay /lit/, tell me what do you think about this idea:
>A more or less long suicide note
>Divided in 100 fragments
>Printed twice (200 small scraps of paper)
>Numbered in order from 1/100 to 100/100
>Put in tiny tubes (like the ones for films but much smaller)
>Spread through the city.
Will someone care enough to inform the internet of this? Will I ever know if anyone apreciated it? Will people collect more than one?

[Anonymous No.6315934]

>>6315340
That sounds cool OP. I love hard boiled detective stories. Ever read Ross MacDonald? He's great. James Crumley too is a severely underrated writer. Kind of Hunter Thompson crossed with Raymond Chandler.

Anyway, I'm working on a sort of zombie survival story. Not really zombies. It is about a plague that turns people into ravenous, subhuman cannibals, but it only affects people who have gone through puberty. So kids are unaffected, teens start changing gradually.

The story starts in a relatively isolated summer camp in Oregon. After the adult staff and teenage counselors get infected when some mutated adults show up from the outside world, the kids have to work together to fend off the monsters, flee the camp, survive the dangers of the forest and cope with the fact that in a short time they too will start changing.

[Anonymous No.6315987]

>>6315930
Is this a literary project or an actual suicide note? If it's an actual suicide note, then please don't kill yourself, anon. If it's a literary project, then I don't get the goal here, and it seems like performance art more than anything interesting.

[Anonymous No.6316001]

>>6315987
It would be a sincere note since I have some weird idea that it will be better that way, but I won't commit suicide just to validate a work.
The idea would be motivating people to tie things together and force some interest from outside the text itself. But yes, sure, it would be partially a sort of performance piece. I would still like the text to be strong by itself so there's a point to collecting it (if someone would do that).

[Anonymous No.6316295]

>>6315930
I really love that idea, honestly. It would be cool to have to look for the other pieces to get the whole story. It sounds fun. I wish I was in your city.

[Anonymous No.6316317]

>>6316295
Thanks a lot!
If I ever finish a text that's long enough but not overly pathetic (lol, a suicide note is always pathetic) and I do this I'll obviously let you guys know how it's going and post pics.

[Anonymous No.6316548]

I'm not totally sure what to write now. I'm stuck between five ideas:
A "Love" story that focuses on how hard it is to deal with a schizophrenic man
A school of super-powered youths being trained for war
A person makes very subtle changes to their environment that dramatically affect the world in positive ways (probably a short story or novella)
A BNW/Catch-22 style story with a lot of language-fuckery and jokes. Don't have a plot yet.
A woman gains the ability to see people's memories. Someone finds out, and she's unwillingly "employed" by them to find out their enemies' secrets.

>>6315340
Sounds like it'd be fun to write. Not sure about reading.

>>6315397
Sounds like a big peni-- I mean tower. Why is it difficult?

>>6315521
Always awesome when people enjoy your work. I'd offer to help but #Neetlyfe #inbetweenprojects over here.
You really didn't describe much about the story or how it would operate so... good luck with all your endeavors, I guess.

>>6315523
Sounds like a quaint, fun read (though my version of fun is probably very different than other people's so don't read too much into that)

>>6315668
If you can manage to pull it off, sounds like something I'd be super interested in. Start with a simple setting, one that would make the odd way of interaction with the world understandable, but not super necessary to explain (in SF, you can explain your science, but don't explain why it's there: that should be clear enough). Expand with character arcs and goals that support the idea and fit the setting.

>>6315864
Been there. One of my main projects is pretty much an unintentional ripoff of Ender's Game and X-Men/Sky High/etc

>>6315930
A bit difficult to aggregate the story, and really only will affect a few people, but if that's you're thing, go for it. Just... a warning that suicide notes are depressing and why would you do that to people.

>>6315934
Sounds a bit like 28 Days Later+Lord of the Flies. Which is a really weird combination and seems like it would be interesting to see played out.

[Anonymous No.6316567]

>>6315340
Just wrote a poem.

I made a thread about it but here it is.

Ani Yehudi
by Noam Daisy
.
Chaotic world I cannot fight.
Tears burn softly in the light,
I wanna tell you who I am.
This little pill is just a scam.

You’d be the first to know the last to laugh.
Can we take all of our dead tears back?
I never meant to hurt at all.
I dream of you between our walls.

How did I think you’d understand.
He loves me like you never can.
He hurts me hurt and makes it bleed.
The little capsule rushes me.

I do not where I will go.
Forever know you’re not alone.
Cause’ when you worry where I am.
Adonai has got a plan.

Amen.

[Anonymous No.6316605]

>>6316548
>and why would you do that to people.
because people easily connect with sadness.

[Anonymous No.6316610]

>>6315340
whatever you are writing Raymond Chandler did it better

[Anonymous No.6316624]

>>6316610
>there can be a single author per genere

[Anonymous No.6316730]

>>6316610
Well yeah, duh. Michael Phelps is better at swimming, Jeff Gordan is better at driving, that black guy is better at running, Bobby Flay is better at cooking, and porn stars have bigger dicks and last longer at sex than I do. But I still do all of those things

[Anonymous No.6316735]

>>6316548
>One of my main projects is pretty much an unintentional ripoff of Ender's Game and X-Men/Sky High/etc

Read that on a whim
fuck you

[Anonymous No.6316757]

>>6316735
Which is why that project's dead in the water. I started it when I was young before I'd read/seen half the things it was "ripping off." Please don't be so aggressive with your assumptions.

[Anonymous No.6316763]

>>6316757
Let me guess, middle school?
You don't know who I am.

[Anonymous No.6316785]

>>6316763
You could just say "I think I found you."

[Anonymous No.6316791]

>>6316785
ps not fuck you unless literal
It just surprised me
Hi I was terrified it wasn't you oh my go my heart

[Anonymous No.6316848]

I'm working on novel about an old Triad hitman who retires to a small town in Alaska to track down the man who killed the man who raised him. He becomes roommates with a girl who was raised in poverty in Compton by her brother who was arrested for murder when she was 11. She was able to escape with her smarts, and got a computer science degree from UCLA. She moved to Alaska after having a breakdown in the big-city life and felt like she needed to be somewhere quiet. The two of them get to know and trust each other and ya da da da da

I'd like to tackle the notion of justice, and what justice is through the novel with the main characters often gripping with notions of what is just, mostly in regards to killing and revenge. I'd also like them to deal with the past and how it controls us. Ideally I'd like the main characters to each have different beliefs about control and free-will. Using their different cultural backgrounds, I'd like to expand these ideas out to a broader social context in regards to the United States and China.

It's a genre piece at heart, a kind of revenge thriller, but ideally I'd like to tackle some philosophical dilemmas. My main concern right now is trying to figure out how to balance the philosophical part with the plot, without either becoming too overbearing.

I'll probably fuck it up and quit. But I love the idea so far.

[Anonymous No.6316854]

>>6315934
I'm totally into this premise.

[Anonymous No.6316904]

>>6316854
>>6315934
I agree. You should also make the teenage zombies going through puberty super horny too. Imagine a bunch of zombies humping random objects and each other.

[Anonymous No.6316914]

>>6315340
I'm working on a compilation of the worst poetry and prose ever posted to /lit/.

Hopefully I'll have it done and post it here by the end of the week, but I've still got a year and a few months worth of critique threads to slog through.

[Anonymous No.6316916]

>>6316567
>Noam
Go home, UG a shit.

[Anonymous No.6316917]

>>6315355
I really like this. Is this just a vignette, or part of a longer story,

[Anonymous No.6316929]

I'm working on a novel about an old Triad hitman who retires to a small town in Alaska to find and kill the man who killed his father. While in town doing his investigation, he lives with a girl who grew up and escaped harsh life in the ghetto, but then she cracked under the pressure of big city life and ran to Alaska in a kind of self-imposed exile. As they live together, they become close and learn from one another as they tackle questions of how they came to be and where they are going.

Yeah, it's genre, but I'd like it to be genre with a philosophical undercurrent. The major ideas I'd like to tackle are the nature of justice and what is just, the extent to which the past controls who we are and who we become, the shadows of our unconsciousness (in a Jungian sense), and the points at which our lives deviate from one path to another.

Each character will have their own philsophical outlook, with the main character coming from a perspective of eastern philosophy, his female roommate from a western/computational perspective (she has a computer science degree). They'll learn and grow together from their different cultural and philosophical perspectives.

I'd also like to incorporate a lot of things from eastern and western culture. I'd like to make connections to the I'Ching, Daoism, Chinese Calligraphy, the Cultural Revolution, Confucianism, etc... as well as Rap music/hip hop, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemmingway, the Demoscene, the 1992 Rodney King riots, the Gulf War, Alaska as a "wild land", western philosophy (Neitzche, Heidegger, Kant, etc...) etc...

Tonally I'd like it to be like Twin Peaks mixed with a Korean revenge drama. My biggest fear is balancing plot and theme, without one overpowering the other. My second biggest fear is it being shitty.

In either case, that's what my time is going towards.

[Anonymous No.6316931]

A hitchhiker, dead, by the side of the road. Stop. Blink. A second look - nothing there. He is tired, the man is tired. Long hours driving. He supposes.

The man has an old chess set riding in his trunk. Ancestral, sentimental value. It became his last week, per his cousin's will - he died in September. Stroke. The man drove to Chicago to retrieve it, camping under bushes along the way. He doesn't know why. Habit, he murmurs to himself. His Father always clung to his heritage. It was the Father's cousin, incidentally - the man is really second cousin to that cousin, he supposes. Not that it matters.

Plains. Trees. A motel, a rest stop. The man gets out, looked around. The chess set remains in the trunk. He walks up the steps to the building, pauses, glances back. No one knows it's there. No one would want it. Not that it matters. Then rights himself, pushes through the screen door. Inside, lights. The man pauses. It is dark outside. It was dark outside. When he was driving.

He goes over and asks the girl at the desk how much for the night. She misunderstands, he clarifies his meaning, they sort out a price for a room. The man is the only guest.

In his room, he paces four times back and forth across the floor. He goes to the window and stops. His breath adheres to the glass, presses itself against the blackness just there, beyond the boundary. He gazes a few seconds more, then turns the heater on and the lights off and climbs into bed. The heater is broken.

In the morning, the man wakes late. He combs his hair back into shape and gets dressed in pants and a shirt with the center button missing and goes downstairs to take his leave. There's no sign of the girl, but there's a book at the desk for him to sign out in, and another next to it, some axioms about the world. Mathematics. The man riffles through it while fishing in his pockets for a tip. Looking for answers. The world as empty as the building. He drops an extra dollar-fifty on the desk and grabs the book on his way out.

[Anonymous No.6316942]

>>6316916
Its just a pseudonum that's actually a combination of a pun on the original old country first name of my deceased grandfather before it was Anglicized at Ellis Island and a tribute to my linguistics teacher who was amazing (and yes, I find Noam Chomsky annoying and pretentious as well if that is your point).
HOW NOW BROWN COW?

[Anonymous No.6316980]

Science fiction.
Premise is humans reach the end of technology's purpose. Nothing is impossible, except that they're all alone.
The human race is gradually dying from apathy and not from extinction-level event.

[Anonymous No.6316986]

>>6316980
>Two Zen teachers, Daigu and Gudo, were invited to visit a lord. Upon arriving, Gudo said to the lord: "You are wise by nature and have an inborn ability to learn Zen."
>"Nonsense," said Daigu. "Why do you flatter thi blockhead? He may be a lord, but he doesn't know anything of Zen."
>So, instead of building a temple for Gudo, the lord built it for Daigu and studied Zen with him.

[Anonymous No.6316998]

>>6316567

>Cause'

Disgusting. Read more, you dink.

[Anonymous No.6317005]

>>6316942

NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR PSEUDONYM.
Practice. Take a fucking class, or something.

[Anonymous No.6317009]

>>6316980
The prequel to Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life?

[Anonymous No.6317024]

>>6316998
sorry 'Cause. Typo!

[Anonymous No.6317082]

>>6316980
Twilight by John Campbell

[Anonymous No.6317188]

>>6317009
Sounds like a good piece, but has no ideas or premises similar to what I'm working on
>>6317082
The starting theory is the same I suppose, but beyond that it has nothing in common.

[Anonymous No.6317199]

>>6315340
I'm working on a novel that will make De Sade's seem like books fit for children.

[Anonymous No.6317208]

>>6315355
>fartnoise!

Literal Joyce wannabe

[Anonymous No.6317216]

I'm basically just ripping off Porter Robinson's Worlds album

[Anonymous No.6317221]

guy lets himself get sucked into a black hole

[Anonymous No.6317239]

>>6317221
N
B R A V O
R L
A A
V N
N O L A N

[Anonymous No.6317245]

>>6316929
please create it

[Anonymous No.6317255]

a cyberpunk about a bunch of punk rebel kids in space

>tfw 20 pages
okay, meh, this is okay
>tfw 40 pages
wait a minute what is happening
>tfw 70+ pages
I WANT TO GET OFF MY OWN WILD RIDE, WHAT THE SHIT

I literally cannot stop I do 5-ish pages a day at minimum and it's kind of scaring me. I am decent with hard sci fi BUT NOT THIS DECENT, help me /lit/ I can't tell if it's dreck or not, what am I doing!!

[Anonymous No.6317263]

>>6317255

post an excerpt how else are we going to tell you anything


the most important part is to finish, then you can edit

[Anonymous No.6317264]

>>6317255
usually it's best if you wait till you finish to edit it, but when you write seriously long stuff it doesn't hurt to revisit it from the start now and then. It will also help you introduce things earlier or take away things you no longer care about.

[Anonymous No.6317266]

>>6317255

I'd be happy to critique it for you, as a writer interested in cyberpunk literature.

Any chance you'd be interested in reading my cyberpunk-esque short story?

[Anonymous No.6317270]

>>6317266

just post it you faggot there's no point asking

[Anonymous No.6317274]

>>6317266

Sure email plz, I don't feel like sharing excerpts on 4chan right now because I'm in a serious depression over the quality of the work I've produced

[Anonymous No.6317292]

>>6317274
not that anon but I'd like to check it too:
[e-mail]

[Anonymous No.6317302]

>>6317270
>>6317274
https://mega.co.nz/#!JA0DnBoR!Kpt1ByvLFTODrCF2DItJj1p50yJYomQLIsFKvJjrYp8

My email is at the top of the first page, if you would like to share your work.

Or critique mine, for the rest of you.

I still don't know if my decision to write in first person was a good choice, but whatever.

[Anonymous No.6317305]

>>6316931
idk why but i want more. nothing super creepy happened but i am still creeped out. and i love it

[Anonymous No.6317323]

>>6316931

Possibly one of the best excerpts I've seen on /lit/, your writing is incredibly readable, has flair to it and you don't seem to misuse or abuse any writing conventions.

Good work.

[Anonymous No.6317371]

>>6317302

plz just pastebin it damn

[Anonymous No.6317397]

>>6317371

http://pastebin.com/hRMubzgf

As requested.

[Anonymous No.6317422]

>>6317397
much better

[Anonymous No.6317425]

>>6317397
wait, which poster were you?

[Anonymous No.6317433]

>>6317425
This one:
>>6317266
>>6317302

[Anonymous No.6317480]

Jesus I'm re-reading through the story now, I knew it needed serious editing due to my wanting to get the thing finished. But god damn did I forget that periods existed?

[Anonymous No.6317542]

>>6317433
It's very overwritten. When you do first person narration you need to take into account what you're telling the reader about the character through his talking. For a short while I assumed this was taking place in britain in the 1700's. It's even weirder if you use unnatural words next to coloquial ones
>My father used to be a wealthy man, owned seven forty-sixths of a large company that dealt with the development of boats for the queen
sounds more proper than
>My father used to be a wealthy man, owned seven forty-sixths of a large company that dealt with the development of cybernetic enhancements

And yes, you should use some periods here and there. There are some sentences where I can't imagine how it could go with a comma.

It's really weird when your character presents itself in the second chapter of three. Maybe in a novel you can wait half of it to really explain his past, but in such a short thing if you're bring it up (which is another consideration in itself) you should either start with it or wait for a very important time to do it.

I don't see the point of numbering the days. Just start your paragraph with "the next day" or "after a couple of days like that" or something else. If it's not vital information there's no point in being too specific and it breaks the structure for no reasson.

Maybe I didn't notice some small details, but having no clear conclusion is a very risky thing and I'm not sure you worked it too well. The main issue is that there is so little foreshadowing of antyhing that I couldn't care about their goal, calling it a manifesto and never expanding on it sort of make it sound as if they are going to print some really nasty books or something, which isn't really "shit getting down". But maybe I skipped some vital part or didn't take it into account.
If you're gonna have an ending without explanation you need to make it sound much bigger, so the reader can expand it even more in their heads. Another ddifferent thing you could try is working more the confusion of what could be the goal (you have that paragraph about it not being fully illegal, but it only makes it look tamer even if you mention terrorism).

It's a decent general thing, it's good as a practice; but there's no much to it. Read more Chandler and less Gibson, it will do you good.

[Anonymous No.6317595]

>>6317542

The whole thing basically stemmed from me wanting to "tell a story that built up to nothing" essentially.

And it sort of was practice for me getting back into writing. On top of that, I wasn't sure what I wanted from the story when I wrote it, and a few pages in I decided it was suddenly cyberpunk, which is why I think it's overwritten, as I began with no clue on who the characters were and started with this guy writing, like you said, in the style of an old British person.

By the time I realised it was overwritten for the subject matter it was too late to re-write the entire thing mid-story, so I just rolled with it, maybe I'll sort some of it out later, as the language is extremely odd.

I'm in the process of re-formatting it now, which should make it more readable at least, which will make editing easier.

I wrote this before I read Neuromancer, in fact I wrote this before I even started reading for enjoyment again.

[Anonymous No.6317623]

>>6317595
It could still sort of work with an overly classic narrator but you should expand on it and give it a justification (a nabokovian upbringing, an obsesion with classic authors, everyone in the future reverting to that style). Alternatively you can just change him, of course.

I'd recommend working on something else, maybe trying the same concept again. If you're writing just a bit it's better to keep the creativity flowing instead of obsessing with something that you'll eventually throw away anyway.

Hope I haven't been too harsh with you. Keep on working anon, that's all that matters, and conquer the stars.

[Anonymous No.6317656]

>>6317623

I'm actually doing research at the moment on what near-future technologies are expected to become commonplace in the the next 20-30 years, as well as research into various other things I think might be relevant to a story I'm planning.

That short story, whilst on its own not particularly great, has inspired me to write a series of chronological and increasingly dystopian cyberpunk stories, some 50 or so years apart.

Really all I want is my vision of the future on paper, told through the eyes of various protagonists or passers-by, even if no-one reads it, as long as my vision is written. I'll be content.

Thanks for the kind words anyway.

[Anonymous No.6317689]

>>6317656
If you want your vision of the future why are you consulting sources? Gibson wrote Neuromancer without ever touching a computer (he felt underwhelmed when he actually tried one)

Have you read God is Dead by Ron Currie? It starts with the ridiculous premise of god becoming flesh and dying just to tell his version of a post apocalyptic world in which people no longer try.

[Anonymous No.6317725]

>>6317689

Well the first story is going to be the first revolution against government monitoring and basically just an exaggerated satire of the current social media, always on, always connected world we live in today. So not really cyberpunk.

So for that reason I'm researching real technologies that may exist in the near-future, in order to explain the things I have in mind.(In the first book)

After that, I'm just going to make stuff up because it'll be so far in the future, nobody will care about bullshit things like:

""stasis field hover-engines" and "Bio-mechanical cells allowing for the use of optic camouflage."

It's a vision spanning a good century or so.

[Anonymous No.6317806]

Well I finished sorting out the punctuation and altered some of the sentences, sentence structures and made a few other quick edits.

Gonna go out for a smoke and be glad I actually did something productive tonight.

http://pastebin.com/RjufAS5z

[Anonymous No.6317846]

>>6317305
> nothing super creepy happened but i am still creeped out
Okay, so I'm doing better than I thought, then. I can't figure out how Bolano's so fucking good at atmospherics, so I'm trying to copy him to figure out what exactly he's doing. Thanks.

[Anonymous No.6319025]

>>6317274
[e-mail] if you're still around

[Anonymous No.6319042]

>>6317302

Still waiting on it.

[e-mail]

[Anonymous No.6319245]

>>6317305
Reads like a movie script.

[Anonymous No.6319249]

An eye intently focused on something, black and white, screen jittering, air conditioning, wires, phones, keys,numbers. Im sitting in a surveillance room, looking at the
cameras. A Cat on a rooftop, a person's head bobbing up and down, crossing the hallways, maybe a lonely cloud in a clear patch of sky. The cameras get triggered and I swirl my neck
automatically towards the movement on the screens. I can't complain really, It pays like shit but You can do whatever you want when there are no alarms being set off, which is
ninety percent of the time.
What am I feeling at the moment? Brushing my forehead, swiping my hair back. Do I care? I'm chill, sitting on a comfy chair, relaxed. Curvature, a cushion, leaning back,
Straightening the spine. I sense a current of doubt and light anxiety floating somewhere near me, the me in my head.

Its kind of funny or weird but this room has cameras which are also displayed on the screens in front of me. I can see
myself from above, with a slight delay.
Ahhh. Blu bla bli bla bla baaah. Raisns raisinettes. whisteling.

Once my plump boss leaves I'll probably make faces and crazy dance movements while trying to quickly catch how I look on
the cameras, from above. hmmmmmm, let's see if I can get in tune with the computers humming behind me. duddduuduu
hmmmmmmm. OK, I'm bored. Why do I keep stroking my pen and taking it's cap off. Do I want to jerk of some dude? Heh, no
im not a fag, or am I? nah, but I wouldn't mind getting my dick sucked by a dude. That new worker, damn. Blonde hair, smell of shampoo, a hand touching a smooth belly, long legs,
skinny fingers tapping on her lips. Just give me her mouth and tongue, I wanna feel her juices, taste her saliva, bend tongues with her. My boss was showing her around and I was
watching them on the cameras. So great, and I heard her strange accent as they were talking near the door. I've been fantasizing about having sex here, a lot. I dont know why.
Surrounded by people, standing in the middle, all watching, claustrophobic. The idea of the cameras around me doesn't really excite
me and my brows feel so thick. I got them from my father but its definitely not considered attractive by most. Why do women not like a lot of hair? My guess would be the porn
industry with their shaved pussies and dicks. circumcised dick penetrating a vagina, fake moaning. Some dude wants me
to open the door for him. Baseball cap with a logo, an overall, piece of paper.
get a fucking security card retard.

[Anonymous No.6319343]

>>6316931
Yeah this is decent anon keep going, would read more