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/lit/ - Literature

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6295368 No.6295368 [Reply] [Original]

Post your shit and I'll tell you why you suck.

Got it? GO!

>> No.6295419

>>6295368

"I'll just make a trip and troll, said the staple boy.

Jessy was 21, his move to England hadn't gone well as Jessy was a female name. He couldn't handle the banter.

"> 1991 + 14 and still surrounded by plebs", he said to himself.

Little did he know that the adventure of a lifetime was around the corner"

It's a YA novel, yay/nay.

>> No.6295431

>>6295419
THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT????!?!

get serious, bitch.

>> No.6295458

>>6295368
Travis was playing minecraft on my computer on a hot day in the middle of the summer wearing just his boxer shorts. He was right in the middle of exploring one of his friend’s mods when his phone shook. He had got a text. It was the very same friend who’s mod he was presently exploring. He jumped out of his seat and looked at it. He found out that Marcus, who was his friend has gone out of town and that Marcus’ mom Janelle needed help with her computer. If Travis helped her Marcus would give him exclusive access to the beta of his latest mod. Travis was overjoyed he knew that Marcus had been working on his latest mod for the longest time ever and it would be sure to knock his socks off. He quickly logged out. He went to grab a quick bowl of cereal before heading over. He didn’t know how long it would take him so he left his mom a note which told her where he would be.He spent many nights thinking about her showering and he had visions of her in his head. She would take off her underwear and the lacey fabric would twist around the curve of her firm bubble butt. She’d ask for his help undoing her bra and it would fly off. He imagined she had nipples which would grow hard when he rubbed them. He had played with himself when he thought about Janelle and the way she always seemed to smile at him. Whenever he was around her, he couldn’t say anything but the goofiest stuff about the weather or food, stuff like that. Marcus always teased Travis about how he was scared stiff whenever he was presented with a sexy woman, but if Marcus had Janelle for a mom, he wouldn’t know anything but hotness for ever and ever, so his judgement would be screwed up for sure. Travis put on his Monster T-shirt, His American Eagle Longed Sleeve Shirt, and adjusted his fitted cap. He texted Marcus back. Thinking about Janelle he had gotten an erection, so he didn’t put on his pant right away, not until his big boner subsisted. Whenever he thought about Janelle, his dick felt heavy in his pants. He wasn’t superstitious but he felt like just for her, it was always at least nine inches thick and two inches wide. He had forgotten all about his cereal and instead he could only think about the tip of his dick brushing up against both cheecks of Janelle’s ass before he went inside of her warm wetness doggystyle. None of his other friend’s moms could awaken this kind of feeling in him. Why was that?

>> No.6295463

>>6295368

He lay in bed thinking about math as he waited for the boner to go down, as he did that, he thought it might be a good idea to take his new Macbook Air Pro with him in case Janelle’s Compture was really broken. So he got out of bed and slide the thin computer’s aluminum frame into his yellow Jansport backpack and zipped it up. By now his boner had adequately subsided and he was read to put his pants on. So he picked out his favourite pair which he had got last weekend from the new West 49 outlet store that had opened at the mall too months ago. He liked them because they were skinnyjeans but when he was wearing them they accentuated his bulge nicely. He always wore a long hoodie over it, but he liked having jeans which made everyone who looked at his crotch know that he had a big white dick. Sometimes, instead of approaching a girl he’d adjust the hem of his hoodie to show it off. Travis let his dick speak for itself. When he was in track and field during phys .ed, he was always self conscious and tried to sit on the bench as much as he could, especially since classes were mixed. He liked to let girls know that he was well hung, but some girls might see it and get the wrong idea. He wanted to be more than just a fuckfriend. He wanted that one special girl to fuck with his big dick for the rest of all time. Whenever he thought about it, it wasn’t a special girl, it was a special woman, and that special woman was Janelle. She was married though. Why did Marcus have to be the only guy at school, practically, who’s parents weren’t divorced. It just wasn’t fair. They had been together for a very long time, too. It just wasn’t possible that they would break up in Travis’ mind at least, and he hoped and hoped that one day Janelle would be at his house on the living room couch with mascara dripping off her luscious lashes screaming “He broke up with mee! He broke up with mee!”. He envisioned how he would go over and lay a sympathetic dick on her shoulder to comfort her, and she would pat it and take it into her mouth and let out all her frustration on that dick, squeezing it at the base and sucking it with all her might, trying to ressurect her failed marriage with a voodoo doll that took the form of a dick. All dicks were alike, right. But from the moment Travis was born, the doctors in the delivery room knew that he had a special dick. A dick that could pleasure any women, even Hottentot Venuses and Elephant Type Women with deep pussies under a thick set of fat pussy lips. He put on his belt and locked the door. The sun was shining brightly and the pavement was hot, he couldn’t help smiling.

2

>> No.6295467

>>6295368

When he was walking to the house of Marcus, he noticed that Marcus’ dads car was there. He ground his teeth together and got mad. Just when he thought he could be alone with her, he saw her husband’s car parked in their magnificent two door garage. It seemed like God was always playing jokes on him and the only think he had given him to cope and be proud of was his thick and fertile dick. It wasn’t easy getting on in the world with nothing to count on but a really really big dick.

He sighed and walked up to the door anyways. He wasn’t about to let this get in the way. He might still be able to develope some kind of relationship with her to save for later, in case her husband did ever leave her so he would be first in line. He rang the door bell and stared at the sun glinting in the mirror of Marcus’ mom’s yellow Lamborghini with his hand in his pockets. There was a chill wind in the air suddenly, or maybe he just felt left out in the cold by his sudden reversal of fate. He heard the footsteps down the hall and took his hands out of his pockets. He fixed his hair around the edges of his cap untill he had the swoosh and stuck his hand down his pants to accentuate his girth perfectly so it stuck out a bit. He leaned on the door frame nonchalantly as the door suddenly creaked open.
3

>> No.6295484

>>6295467

When he was walking to the house of Marcus, he noticed that Marcus’ dads car was there. He ground his teeth together and got mad. Just when he thought he could be alone with her, he saw her husband’s car parked in their magnificent two door garage. It seemed like God was always playing jokes on him and the only think he had given him to cope and be proud of was his thick and fertile dick. It wasn’t easy getting on in the world with nothing to count on but a really really big dick.

He sighed and walked up to the door anyways. He wasn’t about to let this get in the way. He might still be able to develope some kind of relationship with her to save for later, in case her husband did ever leave her so he would be first in line. He rang the door bell and stared at the sun glinting in the mirror of Marcus’ mom’s yellow Lamborghini with his hand in his pockets. There was a chill wind in the air suddenly, or maybe he just felt left out in the cold by his sudden reversal of fate. He heard the footsteps down the hall and took his hands out of his pockets. He fixed his hair around the edges of his cap untill he had the swoosh and stuck his hand down his pants to accentuate his girth perfectly so it stuck out a bit. He leaned on the door frame nonchalantly as the door suddenly creaked open.
4

>> No.6295507

>>6295484
>>6295458
>>6295463
>>6295467
You know, its people like you...
*sigh*

First of all, have you ever heard the term 'wall of text'? Its a rhetorical question asshole, of course you have.

Also don't do shit like 'big boner'. Just 'boner' works just fine.

I didn't read the whole thing, for obvious reasons... yooooouuu fuck.

>> No.6295524

>>6295507
[it's cool, brah, here's some more]

“HIIIIIiiiiii, Travis!” he heard Janelle’s voice say. He didn’t notice her all of a sudden, she was behind the corner of the door, but when he did he strained with all his might not to drop the spaghetti. He adjusted his posture to hide his sudden arousal. She was wearing a loose white sundress and gold necklace and bangles, she had Gucci high heels on with a strap that went up her ankles. He dress cut off right at the crotch and just clung to the tips of her nipples it seemed like any breeze could blown it off and have them slip out like ripe berries. Under the sunlight from the big bay window behind the living room curtain the light spilled through and through the outlines of her dress caught in the light Travis could see the outlines of her black panties in string bikini style. He had to remind himself to look her in her green sparkly eyes and not at the gorgeous body she displayed proudly before him.

“Hi Mar- uh- Janelle, Marcus told me that you needed help with your computer.” he said, and he grinned at the end to try and play it off.

“yeah, he said you were coming, so I was expecting you.”

“It’s nice to see you”

“It’s great to see you.” she said. “You’ve grown haven’t you”

“Y-yeah I guess I just grew a bit.” He said honestly.

“Well come in come in. I got some tea and some cookies, I don’t know it you drink coffee or not, James does, but I don’t.”

“Your Husband, I mean uh James. Is he here?” said Travis but he instantly regretted it.

“Oh” she said blankly. “No, he’s seeing his buddies and they said they’ve gone to a fishing reel convention.”

“Huh, that’s a shame, he should help you with his trade, you know.” Marcus said, he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.

“Actually, he’s an Insurance Agent, but since business hasn’t been good, he also teachs courses at the local community college in actuarial science, it’s nice to see him giving back to the community by providing oppurtunity for underprivilieged youth to learn a trade like that.”

“Yeah, what a great guy”

“I don’t know how he spends all day on the computer and he knows nothing about it. I already called him and he said that he didn’t know anything. I figured you might be able to help because kids these days just seem like they are born with computers in my heads.” she replied.

“Actually I don’t have one, I’ve got one right here.” said Travis as he pulled out his shiny Macbook Air Pro.

“Wow!” she exclaimed, “That’s perfect. It’s just like mine.”

4

>> No.6295534

>>6295524

“I didn’t know you had the same model!” said Travis. “That’s really great. I’ll be able to show you Javascript and GUI C++ and how to mine bitcoin with an offshore robot botnet to wire DMT Acacia Bark to the Hidden Naxalite Base in Jaipur for refinement and processing to be sold back to the Dutch for sale in Amsterdam. It’s a cinge!”

She threw back her head and laughed. “Wow, you’ve really got a sense of humour, I could use some of that.”

He laughed too.

She stopped talking and looked around anxiously. He didn’t know what to do.

“Stop standing in the door” she said quickly and kind of angrily too, it took Travis by surprise

“Oh yeah, uh sorry.”

“Come on, I’ll show you the problem, I got my computer set up in the living room outside the kitchen on the desk next to the television. I’m sure a boy like you can figure it out, you get top science grades if I remember correctly, that’s what your momma told me.”

“Yeah, I dunno, I like to be humble, I try my best but I’m not Stephen Hawking.”

“Well, come on. You still didn’t tell me if you want coffee or not.”

“Uh no I don’t you don’t happen to have Red Bull.”

“Uh, no, I just got Red Rave, I think it’s the Costco stuff, Marcus likes to drink those all the time, I don’t know if it’s good for his, but he likes them so.”

“No thanks then.”

“She lead him to the room, and he was bound to stare at the bottom of her buttocks teasing him from beneath her dress, it felt like she was leading him by the tip of his penis into a hidden and unknown chamber. She showed him the room she had been talking about, it was suprisingly chilly and he felt his testicles shrink around the base of his penis, he liked that because it was more aerodynamic. He was really hard now, he had to tuck it into his pant leg. It was all he could do not to think about Janelle’s beautiful pink nipples getting hard as his penis in order to prevent his willy to keep from bursting the seams of his skinny jeans.

He sat down on the folding chair she had set up in front of the computer. there was a football game playing on television.

“Oh wow, it’s the Rangers versus the Giants.”

“I’m not really the Sports fan, James is.” She said licking her lips. “I just like to put it on when I’m at home so that it keeps me company.”

“I respect that” Travis said. “Mostly, I never go without my headphones.”

“you kids are always plugged in somewhere” She said.

“Not always where we’d like to be.”

5

>> No.6295546

>>6295534

“I know how to turn it on at least.” she said, as she pushed the power button.

“I’m going to go to the kitchen to get the cookies while it’s powering up.” she said, I’ll just be a second. She walked away, and Travis’ eyes flicked from the Apple Logo and the post-it notes with the numbers written on them to her wonderful thighs as they they gracefully move in sweeping motions powered by the swaying of her hips. When She was out of the room, he shook his head. It felt like he was an entirely new persona. Normally, he would never talk when she was around, but now it felt like he could talk for a 14 hour filibuster in congress. Was she secreting pheremones or was he? He drummed his fingers on the desk, suddenly full of energy, when he heard her humming from the kitchen. He looked over and he saw it. A pair of black bikini panties with a white bow, lying perfectly in the centre of the shag carpet. A lightning bolt went through his spine. He begin to shake. How had they gotten there? Had she thrown them, when he was looking away? Why? The rest of her house was spotless, except for that one pair of panties. He could have sworn that those were the ones she had been wearing which he had seen in the sunlight through the thin fabric of her dress and now they were on the floor. That meant she was naked from the waste beneath.

“What kind of cookie would you like?” She said.

Travis was speechless.

“Well?” She said impatiently.

Travis stammered hopelessly.

“Do you want to come over and pick.” She said, in an all new tone of voice.

“Okay” managed Travis, and he walked over like a zombie or a man lead to the electric chair. He was so totally convinced that this was some kind of weird dream and this was not life he was living.

She was on the countertop, squatting, her dress was pulled up over her shoulders, her shoes lay on the floor. Travis stopped dead in his tracks. He stood blinking. She rubbed her thighs together and spread her legs. Her pussy parted open and he could see inside of her. She had a triangle of blond pubes that pointed right down into the start of her clitoris and into her velvety pink. She closed her legs again and squeezed her breasts hard. Her nipples were pink, inset in a wide aureola that was just a shade lighter than her skin. She threw her legs over so he could see her ass completely. She tore off her dress but left the jewelery on. She grabbed both cheecks of her ass and violently threw it open to show the pucker of her asshole and the hole of her vagina, which was a softer tissue, and splayed vertically, but her asshole was tight. Travis couldn’t even see where the hole began.

6

>> No.6295597

>>6295546

“I know you want me. I can tell. And I want you too. But My husband is a sorceror, actually. His actuarial science is a lie. He lies to people and practices mind control, he tells them that insurance isn’t actually a form of gambling, usury, and violence capitalist expropriation, and because he’s a wizard they believe him. He’s not only good at mind control, he can cast spells on my body too, he cast a spell on my pussy, so only he can fuck it, it’s gotten loose and baggy because he casts spells on his dick to make it the size of a fist. It doesn’t even feel like anything anymore, but I’ve still got my ass, and my ass is as tight as it’s always been. I’ve never have anyone fuck me in the ass before. Wizards can’t do anal unless they loose their powers. I want you to do me. I want your anal, I want you to pound the base of my pelvic floor untill I can feel my pussy again.” She explained.

“But what about me!” Said Travis. “I’ve always wanted to fuck you, but asshole and pussy make men get stupid all the time! If he finds out, he’ll kill me.”

She sat straight up. “No, because if you don’t I’ll tell him, and I’ll make sure you die. I havn’t had sex in 5 stinking years, I’m full to burst, I need to be fucked right now dans cul.”

“Well then, you leave me no choice.”

“Take off your clothes and peel back your foreskin. Then sit on the counter, I’ll tell you what’s next.”

He did, and all the time she watched him, as his shirt slide off his lean muscle to the final moments when his big boner sprung out of his boxer shorts.

7

>> No.6295643

>>6295597
less wizardry more dickslingin

>> No.6295693

>>6295643
suprnatural shit is on top of the world, fucko.
Deal.

>> No.6295722

unfinished work of mine. Not sure if it's good enough to continue:

http://pastebin.com/ccJFEZiu

>> No.6295858

>>6295722
uhg, this is jarring. But, fear not, it's redeemable.
First suggestion I'm going to make will call for a massive rewrite, but I think it will be worth it.
Right now it's mostly written with a passive voice, and that's the biggest problem throughout the passage. You want to avoid that.
What do I mean by passive voice? I'll try to explain. You are using words like 'was' and 'were' a lot, I'd like to see you use 'is' and 'are' instead. Go through it again and try to rewrite each sentence to make it fit is and are and I think you will see a huge improvement in the flow of the writing. Like I said, its a pretty big change, but I think it will help. Especially for this dreamy kind of train of thought writing.

also try not to be too repetitive. That shit gets very annoying for readers.

look for unnecessary words and take them out. A couple examples...

>I heard the buzzing for most of the night, I thought
take out: I thought
>I could swear something hit my face, not just once, and when
take out: ,not just once,
also changing hit to hitting will get the point a crossed that it happened multiple times.

I liked this part.

“Your caller ID says you’re calling from Last Peak.”
“What’s Last peak?”
“You’re calling from there, you don’t…” They paused again, they seemed more confused than me. “Is everything ok there?”

This is the one part that I feel you really succeeded with the surreal dreamy type deal you have been shooting for.

oh, and for the love of god

>“Your accent sucks also,” I said. I forgot I make jokes a lot.

don't do this shit.

>> No.6295862

>>6295597
lmao i hope you let someone you know read this one day
you will reap your harvest

>> No.6295888

>>6295858
Keep in mind, it's not even finished, so what you're seeing isn't even first draft quality.

I was just wondering if the basic plot even held interest.

>> No.6295909

>>6295888
I think you can make it work.

>> No.6295918

>>6295909
Well i guess i'll get back to work on it then. It had a sister piece, they're both these odd dream like stories.

They never held a whole lot of interest for me, just kind of side project, throw away stories really. I've been working on other things, but i guess i should finish them at least

>> No.6295919

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1k6zX0htn1ZJTMoGGjoyfL88aoZyp0Zu5l3_6DzoDjiw/edit?usp=sharing

Not yet finished.

>> No.6295924

A fargle bargle pendlington, skiddley-doo-ray-men. Arthlebarthle marthlingdew, skewda troo da faine.

>> No.6295926

>>6295862
Rothschild Money

>> No.6295943

I'll post abandoned stuff in this thread. If you like it, convince me to finish it. Here's the opening:

Red Romance!
One Girl’s Shocking Tale of her Leninist Lover...and his Bolshevist Betrayal of her Young Heart!

Dear reader, today I bring you a story that makes my heart heavy to relate. It is a story that well reminds us of the old adage that tells us to be careful about who we give out heart to, yet still I cannot help but feel pity for the nymphet that suffered from it. For there never was a sweeter and more innocent girl to have been afflicted so terrible a blow, and the pain surely must have been doubled by her naïveté and gentle disposition. For this Diane in schoolgirls clothes was set upon by the most vile sort of man. A godless communist agent who spoke sweet nothings into her ear as part of a vile design to insert himself into the glittering Manhattan high society world she inhabited. Once there, were it not for this brave girl’s sudden realization of what was occurring, the Red Hordes of the Kremlin would have swept from the East Coast to the West in an orgy of violation of property rights and godlessness!

>> No.6295949

A city dressed in light under cover of dark. Faces slide past looking down with a faint glow like returned spirits come to take back that place. He sits a bench in the middle, smoke flowing, watchful. In the cool night he pulls his ragged jacket tighter around him. The stains on his beard denote a meal had, one of few in many days, and the people that walk move around him for fear of his slanderous odor. Next to his feet is a bucket, small and rusted, a piece of cardboard taped to the front. A man in a suit puts change in the bucket as he passes. They talk. The streetlight over the bench flickers and in those seconds the darkness pushes itself further and further into the spaces between conscious thought. The suited man disappears to the sounds of vehicles passing intermittent. He feels himself. The darkness of the sky overhead, the burgeoning rain clouds, the gritty feeling underneath his clothes, they close in on him like a prison with bars too thick to see through. The rain starts to fall heavy on his neck and back. Under the same cover that holds the city he is held, and screams with the pain of it. He falls to his knees in front of the bench which can no longer hold him, and forsakes the lives of iniquity he sees around him. He he is shaken. People no longer pass. The streets have emptied but one man held to life in the most tenuous sense of being alive, and one man in a suit across the street. In himself he is too far enveloped. In himself his screams are dampened by the rain and the blackness that follows him from places not seen since man walked with Gods. They grow too loud. He cannot think. One man is left, and he wears a suit and a smile.