Be a hack!

[Anonymous No.6278375]

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write the next YA bestseller and become the next John Green. How do you go about doing this?

[Anonymous No.6278458]

Write a book about a teenage girl who likes to read books fall in love with a demon, who forgoes his evil ways to experience love and who the protagonist fights against her super religious dumb parents who wont let her be with her new love. Eventually everyone realizes that religion is dumb, that evil is good and good is evil, and the girl has hot supernatural sex with the brooding demon and never has to go to church again. The end.

[Anonymous No.6278474]

>>6278458


I honestly think something like this could be successful, god help us.

[Anonymous No.6278482]

[Anonymous No.6278496]

>>6278375
The problem with being a hack is that readers will feel that you're talking down to them if you know that you're being a hack.

The only place where you can write while being aware of being a hack is comics.

[Anonymous No.6278536]

Bland self-insert guy sighs about how his life is pretty good but he doesn't have romance. He meets a super quirky girl and she fixes that. She's a pure girl who's also super popular. When it's time to bone her the guy finds out she's actually a trap. The football team appears, revealing that they set up him and took photos of them together. They blackmail him into being their slut, and after they gang-rape him they distribute the photos anyways. The trap feels bad and commits suicide, prompting the boy have a completely off-topic, drawn out, and heavy-handed musing about how life is beautiful or whatever. Then a next door neighbor Mary Sue type bitch approaches him telling him that gang rape turns her on and it ends with them becoming a couple--with the heavy implication that she too is a trap and that he's going to get gang-raped again.

Also you people need to get more John Green pictures. I'm tired of seeing the same boring one.

[Anonymous No.6278554]

Spend five years stalking teenagers, taking notes on their behavior and interests. In order to do that, I will apply as a teacher. I will become that "cool" teacher, he who is hip. That will gain me access to the cool gangs, where I can participate in conversation. If that idea fails, I will simply be the weird adult guy who sells weed at a really low price (I would not make a profit, but it would be a necessary sacrifice).

After these five years have passed, it is time for step two. Analyze top selling teenage litterature. Hire someone to write a basic program, where I can input text from YA bestsellers, and the program will compare the different books, showing me the basic pattern. Then I will use that pattern, and come up with some of my own "original" stuff.

We have the main character, Ella. She is your ordinary teenage girl, nothing too interesting.

Then we have the love interest/mysterious guy. His name will be... something douchey. Something girls like... Tyler.

Then we just add filler characters, taken from other books like Twilight, The hunger games etc, and change their names and minor details.

I'll let the computer program write the plot for me, and then I will paste it into word, choose a nice font, and bam. It is done. Then we need to find a decent publisher, who will be respectable, and provide good marketing. If this turns out problematic, I will have to use extortion.

And there you go. My first book will be a success, and soon there will be fangirls, building some sort of community. They will scream for more. And they shall recieve. Not only will I write more books, I will also sell the rights for the movie, to whoever produced Twilight, creating greater interest in my book series.

I will release one book every year, for a total of six books. The final book however, will have 340 pages, but 339 of them are blanks. On the first page, I will in simple terms describe how all of the main characters die, followed by the phrase "whatchu gonna do about it, go cry to mommy?"

[Anonymous No.6278560]

>>6278458

>Throw in bat wings a reference to angels and fireballs and you've got a cartload of cash. My turn.

Year is 2004, Sophie is a 17 year old girl just trying to keep up! Bad news though, her brother is in the army and is off fighting in Iraq. Its really hard for her, trying to raise money and awareness about the war when people keeping trying to stomp on her. She perserveres, rising through and finally starting a fund for wounded veterans! Her brother Captain America, is killed in action! His best friend, Lt. Dan, comes back to the states to comfort her family, a promise from her brother on his lip. He's dreamy McDreamBoat, and for her 18th birthday she wants his ranger/ Marine dick. Quietly though, the whole pining love thing, the fact that she's too young until her birthday and the happiness they eventually have together. She ends up pursuing an associates degree in art, story ends with a tear filled good bye as the love of her life ships to sea.

>Sequel

Lt. Dan gets shot.


Pic related, the statue i'm going to comission a replica of with all my money.

[Anonymous No.6278582]

Since when is writing a kids book a crime? It's not like you guys are being forced to read it.

[Anonymous No.6278595]

>>6278554

you're taking a lot of big assumptions.

1. The power and utility of computer programs to analyze literature

2. Your marketability as a teacher.

3. Your understanding of teenagers

4. The ability of a computer program to construct text vs. fill text. Form letters are written by people.

You're just saying that you'll write fill and be successful. That's fucking vapor, in a thread about vapor. Show us how you'd do it. Tyler and Ella is a good start, but computer program doing it for ypou isn't a viable option.

[Anonymous No.6278607]

Hah, joke's on you, I'm already working on the next YA bestseller

[Anonymous No.6278608]

not attractive enough :\

[Anonymous No.6278615]

>>6278582

No, what is a crime is authors worth their salt writing utter shit because it sells. This is where the hack part comes in. They could be somewhat original or at least nuanced. They choose not too.

Just because my face isn't being pushed into a pile of shit, doesn't mean I have to be okay watching my children, my cousins, my friends, put their faces into piles of shit. It is an atrophy upon the mind.

>>6278607

Summarize it faggot. We're not here to shop for ideas.

[Anonymous No.6278647]

Linda is an orphan living with her uncle and aunt on the remote wilderness of Colorado.
She is rescued from trumpet-hating midgets by wise, bearded Hector, who turns out to be a werehedgehog.
Hector reveals to Linda that Linda's father was also a werehedgehog, and the best track runner he had ever seen.
Linda is also instructed in how to use a trumpet as she too trains to become a track runner.
Linda has many adventures in Colorado and makes new friends such as Brad and Chad.
In the course of these adventures she distinguishes herself as a top runner in the battle of Slipperyn, making the finish that secures the werehedgehogs victory against the forces of the evil decepticons.
Linda also sees off the threat of the Big Guy, who we know murdered her parents.
In the finale, Linda and her new friends receive olympic medals.

All of this will be set to useless musings and complaints full with irrelevant references that no teenager will realistically know or use without being a douchebag.

[Anonymous No.6278664]

>>6278554
If you do that, you only gear yourself to write the bestseller of today.

You are supposed to write the bestseller of tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.6278768]

actually i am writing a fantasy YA novel with a plucky heroine. i'm no hack though. i have an english degree with a writing emphasis. i'm including a bunch of subtext, references to philosophy and great works, etc.

[Anonymous No.6278788]

>>6278768
>i'm no hack though
John Green has a double Bachelor of Arts in English and Religion, you know.

[Anonymous No.6278984]

>>6278496
Brian Micheal Bendis confirmed as most based writer in comics.

[Anonymous No.6278988]

>>6278647
>muh Hero With 1000 Faces

[Anonymous No.6278990]

>>6278768
>i am writing a fantasy YA novel with a plucky heroine.
>i'm no hack though.

You sure m8? Sounds real fucking hacky from here. I don't think it's impossible for something of that description to be very good, but the odds are stacked against it even more than other sorts of stories.

[Anonymous No.6278994]

>>6278768

>a fantasy YA novel with a plucky heroine
>i'm including a bunch of subtext, references to philosophy and great works

I look forward to your take on Infernal Devices :^)

[Anonymous No.6279016]

Stick to the popular tropes

- love triangle
- female protagonist who is completely boring and normal but also has that quality that makes her a special snowflake who is different to everyone else
- various factions/groups in which the characters are separated into
- make it dark and 'mature' by having tragic deaths wholly designed to cause the most cheap emotional turmoil in the reader
- have it set in a school or somewhere else that simulates that same kind of environment
- have the setting be fantasy or at least contain elements of fantasy (the school setting makes it easy to relate but the fantastical elements add something beyond the ordinary that makes the escapism more indulgent while adding to the wish-fulfillment)
- make simple political and moral statements that are safe and simple and pander to the readers views (essentially just redesigning common platitudes so they sound profound)
- make the antagonist wholly unlikable, while adding a secondary antagonist who is a rival to the main character with some likability


You essentially just have to pander to the teenage mindset. Give them a protagonist they can self-insert into while adding elements that they like, are easy to understand and relate to them.

[Anonymous No.6279044]

>>6279016

What's wrong with factions/groups?

[Anonymous No.6279054]

>>6278554
>>6278595
There is a program that exists that compares texts and stories. Not sure what it is but some guy ran Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey through it and found that they were 89% the same.

Here's the article:

http://dearauthor.com/features/industry-news/master-of-the-universe-versus-fifty-shades-by-e-l-james-comparison/

[Anonymous No.6279061]

>>6279044
What do you mean? I never said they were bad in the first place.

You include it because it defines people simply, gives them labels and panders to the clique mindset of teenagers.

[Anonymous No.6279071]

>>6279054
>Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey
nonono, he ran Masters Of The Universe and Fifty Shades of Grey through it, and it's no wonder he gets such a high overlap -

Fifty Shades of Grey *was* Masters Of The Universe (Twilight fanfiction) before it was accepted, they just changed the names etc. to not get into trouble with the Twilight people

For that, any diff tool is enough, even the one in Word

[Anonymous No.6279078]

>>6279016
This is Divergent and the Hunger Games in a nutshell.

[Anonymous No.6279184]

>>6278984
>he IS america
wow

[Anonymous No.6279201]

>>6279016
You've just described 90% of anime. This is surprising to me.

[Anonymous No.6279319]

>>6278615
>girl travels to space with guy to discover planets and stuff.

[Anonymous No.6279374]

>>6279319

so you're making dr who a YA novel

DR Who is always YA as fuck

[Anonymous No.6279416]

>>6278458
call this book "Semen Demon"

[Anonymous No.6279446]

>>6278768
>references to philosophy
inb4 yet another teenager-pandering thing that references Sartre and/or Camus

[Anonymous No.6279699]

>>6278536
i....i would read this...please write it....

for 4chan

[Anonymous No.6279901]

>>6278536
>Bland self-insert guy sighs about how his life is pretty good but he doesn't have romance. He meets a super quirky girl and she fixes that. She's a pure girl who's also super popular. When it's time to bone her the guy finds out she's actually a trap.

Holy fuck, are you me? It is not central to the plot (there is hardly any) but still a part of the book.

[Anonymous No.6279920]

>>6278482
>reddit memes

[Anonymous No.6279923]

>>6278536
And in reality tranny freaks are shunnes, mocked, avoided, mentally unstable and pretty much never "passing". It's really funny how much they suffer for trying to force everyone to treat their delusions with respect. I'm delighted they are virtually traumatized by their poor decisions. Mostly because they are really fucking annoying. Nothing you or anyone else can do about it either <3

[Anonymous No.6279941]

>>6279920
>Finnish memes

[Anonymous No.6279942]

Can't one write a YA bestseller without being a hack?

[Anonymous No.6279948]

>>6279941
fug :DDDD

[Anonymous No.6279981]

What makes something YA? Like if you see a YA book on a library shelf who decided it should be there?

[Anonymous No.6279993]

>>6279981
YA is a designation for books written for the middle school/high school niche, typically more on the female spectrum.

It isn't just books that concern young adults and their exploits, otherwise there's nothing stopping you from claiming that Huckleberry Finn and Infinite Jest are YA

[Anonymous No.6281012]

>>6279374
I don't even like Dr. Who.

It's kinda hard to explain what the book is about without it sounding too cliché. Maybe it's nothing but clichés. I feel like at the moment it contains some really good parts that are surrounded by shit. So at the moment i'm shovelling shit around, trying to clean it up.

[Anonymous No.6281084]

>>6279981
Honestly?

YA is about being easy. YA lit is unchallenging, unrewarding, and oversimplified. There's nothing to it. The prose, the characters, the themes, everything is really obvious and spoonfed and there's no room for interpretation.

And anyone who tells you "it's just a marketing term publishers use" are the biggest retards on the planet because I guess they dont see any difference between prose written at a fifth grade reading level vs college grade prose.

[Anonymous No.6281095]

writing is actually fucking hard
if you at least try to make it sort of good that is

[Anonymous No.6281119]

>>6279981
It's like any other genre, although it's more of a marketing term. You just fit in the conventions and tropes that readers expect from it.

>>6281084
Like i said, it is a marketing term, but it included what you say because that is what expected of it. It's no different than fantasy as a marketing term/genre. Readers have certain expectations of what a designated fantasy work should contain. It's all about sticking to the form, style and conventions of what it's being marketed as.

[Anonymous No.6281392]

>>6281084

>omG STOP HATING ON YA I will hav u guyz kno that hungr gaems is aktully suuper deep and tells us thngs about WAR tht you CLDNT EVEN IMAGINE w/o being in a war so shut up kthx

Just providing the obligatory defense that every YA-tard throws around whenever someone says YA is easy and shallow. For the record I agree with you.

[Anonymous No.6281402]

>>6281084

Couldn't agree more.

Take TIOS, for example:
1. Two teenagers fall in love.
2. Oh shit, they have cancer. Too bad.
3. One dies. Both don't because that wouldn't make the readers bawl their eyes out and hate the writer, therefore, sell few to none books.

And that's it.
So obvious, so unnecessary.

[Anonymous No.6281403]

>>6281392
I agree that YA is not challenging in any way to read, and that it's not what turns people into geniuses. But it's a necessary transition from green eggs and ham to Moby dick. People who want to start reading don't usually start with the greeks you know, they pick up something that's easy to follow, something to get started on.

[Anonymous No.6281437]

>Shits on Aristotle in nearly every video series he makes
>Nothing but praise for Thomas Aquinas

...?

[Anonymous No.6281525]

>>6281403
"Children’s fiction has a holy place and position that adult fiction doesn’t have. Adult fiction is a wonderful thing and enriching to the soul and mind, and it takes you to great places. But children’s fiction can change the world and give you a refuge from the intolerable. It can give you a place of safety and show you the world is not bounded by the world you live in."

-Neil Gaiman

[Anonymous No.6281536]

>>6281525
"Rape fiction has a holy place and position that adult fiction doesn’t have. Adult fiction is a wonderful thing and enriching to the soul and mind, and it takes you to great places. But rape fiction can change the world and give you a refuge from the intolerable. It can give you a place of safety and show you the world is not bondaged by the world you live in."

- Neil Rapeman

[Anonymous No.6281648]

>>6281403
Fun thing is that, most of the well-read people I know had to start with the greks because of my country's relationship with literature.
The sad thing is that said relationship, holding literature to certain standards because Harry Potter is pulp trash you fucking ass, is starting to fade due to mere commercial pressure.

[Anonymous No.6281657]

>>6279319
I started on this over a year ago, and I was wondering what you guys think of the story.
Give it to me straight, no sugar coating. If you hate it, please say so.

>Stella is 16, struggles to get through life
>one morning she meets a boy who is very different from the others people her age
>he says he wont stay here long, and that she can come along when he leaves
>she eventually agrees, figuring there's no reason no to
>at this point in the story she is desperate to leave as the web of lies she has weaved will come crashing down very soon
>turns out the boy was from another planet
>she gets on his spaceship without knowing that it's a spaceship
>he and his friends travels to different planets that are illegal (different reasons, political and what not) and obtain info on them
>certain people want them to stop doing so and are putting a lot of effort into catching them
>things eventually go south

[Anonymous No.6281707]

>>6281437
Apparently he's a christian, episcopalian specifically

[Anonymous No.6281743]

>>6281525

>Can change the world
>Puts you in a safe place

Uhhh....

[Anonymous No.6281780]

>>6281525
Children's fiction != YA, you fucking mong.

'YA' is adult fiction for borderline-literate adults.

[Anonymous No.6281810]

Reminder that Petit Prince is considered a children's book but is still deeper than many adult books.

[Anonymous No.6281816]

>>6281743
He is an average genre fantasy writer working on average american comics who gets lauded for a giving a couple of sort of interesting twists to things most people don't know so they can't see them coming miles away.
Give him a break.

[Anonymous No.6282392]

>>6278375
The only winning, moral move is not to accept it.

[Anonymous No.6282645]

Write a 10-book series of blueballing pseudo-sexual adventures disguised as a "sci-fi" load it full of 'progressive' issues like /lgbt/ and racial equality as well as interjecting extremely simplistic and stripped down philosophy and politcal theory to make the readers feel smart

[Anonymous No.6282827]

>>6282645
So, a gay version of The Matrix?