/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.6201884]

>it's a war novel
>author was never in combat

[Anonymous No.6201927]

>it's a "philosophical" novel
>author knows shit about philosophy and repeats ideas that have already been discussed to death in the past
>earns acclaim and riches

[Anonymous No.6201933]

>it's a mystery novel
>author has never solved a mystery

[Anonymous No.6201944]

>Sci-fi novel
>author hasn't even been to space

>Fantasy novel
>author actually exists

>YA novel
>author isn't dying of cancer

[Anonymous No.6201948]

>>6201884
Even worse

>anti-war novel

[Anonymous No.6201953]

>>6201884
>it's a historical novel
> author is less than 800 years old

[Anonymous No.6201956]

>makes a thread on /lit/
>isn't a shitposter

[Anonymous No.6201959]

>>6201927
>The stranger
>Slovenia meme man

[Anonymous No.6201987]

>>6201948
>it's Slaughter-Mouse 5

[Anonymous No.6202015]

>>6201987
Vonnegut was actually there though.

[Anonymous No.6202025]

>>6202015
True. And he didn't base his writing career completely around it.

[Anonymous No.6202045]

>>6201927
What is Atlas Shrugged.

[Anonymous No.6202131]

>>6201948

>novel glorifies war

[Anonymous No.6202144]

>>6202045
>What is Atlas Shrugged.

it's a giant heap of steaming shit
Ayn Rand is not a philosopher. Only morons believe her to be one.

[Anonymous No.6202208]

>>6202144
That's what I mean.
>>6201927 basically describes Ayn Rand's work.

[Anonymous No.6202304]

>>6202131
which novel does that? I like war

[Anonymous No.6202312]

>>6202304
>I like war
E D G Y
D
G
Y

[Anonymous No.6202314]

>>6202304
Catch-22

[Anonymous No.6202336]

>>6202304
Storm and Steel

[Anonymous No.6202361]

>paper about atomic physics
>author is not a quark

[Anonymous No.6202365]

>novel about animals
>author is human

>a book about children
>author is an adult

>female characters
>author is a cis male

[Anonymous No.6202370]

>>6202304
A lot of Junger

[Anonymous No.6202373]

>novel is about gods
>author isn't a deity

Fuck you, Gaiman.

[Anonymous No.6202379]

>>6202304
Jungude - Steelstorm

[Anonymous No.6202380]

>book describing the will of god
>author isn't divinely inspired

Fuck Mohammad

[Anonymous No.6202387]

>it's an erotica
>author is a virgin

>it's a yaoi fanfiction
>author is a woman

oh wai...

[Anonymous No.6202397]

>>6202387
>book is trying to be good
>author is a woman

It's like they think they can be useful

[Anonymous No.6202400]

>>6202312
>>6202131
Don't knock it till you've tried it.

[Anonymous No.6202404]

>it's a doujinshin
>author is not a cute and innocent schoolgirl who sucks his brother's dick

[Anonymous No.6202442]

Friends, I like war.

No, friends, I love war!

I love holocausts. I love blitzkriegs. I love defensive lines. I love sieges, charges, I love mop-up operations, and retreats.

Wars across prairies, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air, I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth.

I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with artillery salvos that thunder across the lines of battle.

My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed into the air and cut to pieces by well placed sniper rounds.

[Anonymous No.6202447]

>>6202442
And there is nothing like a tank operator using a Tiger 88 to destroy enemy tanks. And the feeling that comes when a soldier runs screaming from his blazing tank only to be mowed down by heavy machine gun fire, is such an exquisite feeling.

Like when ranks of infantry brandish their bayonets rushing into the enemy line. It moves me deep within my heart to watch a fresh recruit stabbing over and over into the bloated chest of a long-dead enemy.

The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure. And there is nothing more arousing, than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they're mowed down by ear piercing schmeissers!

When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stand with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by 4.8 ton bombshells, I'm in ecstasy.

I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Russian armored division. It's so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their women and children being raped, and killed.

I love to be squashed under the heel of the British and American war machines. The humiliation, as my men crawl around like vermin, ducking the yark bombers flying overhead.

Gentlemen... All I ask for is war, a war so grand as to make Hell itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it you really want? Do you wish for further war as I do? Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron, and lightning, and fire? Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge, from this Earth!?

[Anonymous No.6202450]

>>6202447
Very well. Then war is what you shall have. We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us, with our might. But... After enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us, a simple "ordinary" war will no longer be sufficient. We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man's history has ever known!

We are but a single battalion... The remnants of a defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong. However, I believe that each of you old warriors is worth a thousand of their sickly soft children! We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one men! It is time for us to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping. Let's drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our jackboots make against their throats. We will remind them, that there are more things between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy.

Our Kampfgruppe of one thousand battle-hardened warriors will burn this world down to ash. Yes, my friends! Soon, Europe's charred remains will illuminate the night sky! I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war!

At last, the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill! Attention soldiers of the Millennium battalion, this is a message from your commander:

Friends... let's bring them Hell.

[Anonymous No.6202476]

>>6202450
brings to mind the pathos of Sestina Altaforte by Pound

Damn it all! all this our South stinks peace.
You whoreson dog, Papiols, come! Let’s to music!
I have no life save when the swords clash.
But ah! when I see the standards gold, vair, purple, opposing
And the broad fields beneath them turn crimson,
Then howl I my heart nigh mad with rejoicing.

II

In hot summer have I great rejoicing
When the tempests kill the earth’s foul peace,
And the lightnings from black heav’n flash crimson,
And the fierce thunders roar me their music
And the winds shriek through the clouds mad, opposing,
And through all the riven skies God’s swords clash.

III

Hell grant soon we hear again the swords clash!
And the shrill neighs of destriers in battle rejoicing,
Spiked breast to spiked breast opposing!
Better one hour’s stour than a year’s peace
With fat boards, bawds, wine and frail music!
Bah! there’s no wine like the blood’s crimson!

IV

And I love to see the sun rise blood-crimson.
And I watch his spears through the dark clash
And it fills all my heart with rejoicing
And pries wide my mouth with fast music
When I see him so scorn and defy peace,
His lone might ‘gainst all darkness opposing.

V

The man who fears war and squats opposing
My words for stour, hath no blood of crimson
But is fit only to rot in womanish peace
Far from where worth’s won and the swords clash
For the death of such sluts I go rejoicing;
Yea, I fill all the air with my music.

VI

Papiols, Papiols, to the music!
There’s no sound like to swords swords opposing,
No cry like the battle’s rejoicing
When our elbows and swords drip the crimson
And our charges ‘gainst “The Leopard’s” rush clash.
May God damn for ever all who cry “Peace!”

VII

And let the music of the swords make them crimson!
Hell grant soon we hear again the swords clash!
Hell blot black for always the thought “Peace!”

[Anonymous No.6202479]

>>6202450
>>6202447
>>6202442
>>>/a/

[Anonymous No.6202480]

>its a novel about a pedophile
>author is actually a pedophile

[Anonymous No.6202481]

>>6202450
Heil mein Major! Heil!

[Anonymous No.6202489]

>>6202480
Ayyyy

[Anonymous No.6203200]

>>6201948
*den

sorry

[ΟΥΤΙΣ No.6203211]

>novel does nothing but shill for its politics
>author hasn't touched another man's penis

[Anonymous No.6203220]

>it's a novel that has romance
>author has never gotten laid

[Anonymous No.6203223]

>>6202476

there's a recording of him reading this on Youtube. it's great

[Anonymous No.6203226]

>it's a novel about the subjectivity of existence
>author doesn't exist

[Anonymous No.6203234]

>>6201987
Slaughterhouse-5 was actually good though. Also Vonnegut fought in the war.

[Anonymous No.6203235]

>its a sci fi novel
>author was never in space

>character is a murderer
>author never killed anyone

[Anonymous No.6203254]

>>6202489
is that cashmere? what sort of fancy fucker goes butterfly hunting in a cashmere sweater

[Anonymous No.6203294]

>it's a fantasy novel
>author has never gone on a magical adventure through a world of elves, fairies, dungeons and dragons

[Anonymous No.6203306]

>it's a cuckoldry novel
>author never got cucked

[Anonymous No.6203308]

>>6202144
MARXIST DETECTED

[Anonymous No.6203312]

>novel is about brilliant young tennis players
>author hasn't won multiple junior titles

[Anonymous No.6203318]

>Book is about the "world" of the cell
>Author is not a cellular organelle.

[Anonymous No.6203329]

>story narrator is dying
>author is dead

[Anonymous No.6203438]

>>6202400
>It was bloody great
>I had a marvelous time

This fucking guy, I am laughing so fucking hard rn

[Anonymous No.6203786]

>>6201944
underrated post

[Anonymous No.6203861]

>>6203308
> doesn't like Ayn Rand
> therefore Marxist

Putting it all in capitals doesn't make your stupid binary thinking anything other than moronic, anon.

[Anonymous No.6203895]

>>6202025

Which is actually pretty admirable in a way. However I still hold him in regards as a very average writer

[Anonymous No.6203944]

>book about the Holocaust
>labelled non-fiction

[Anonymous No.6204023]

>>6201884
I get asked to touch up dialogue and otherwise advise on books about sane people several times a month; given where I live it's not like anyone thinks I'm not institutionalized.
It's not like these are all people who ask think I'm unjustly imprisoned or who think my life experience is somehow relivant; some requests are coming from friends I've corresponded with for decades or whom have otherwise come to know me intimately.

I reason, my pompous personal voice notwithstanding, I'm considered a well read individual and a dedicated people watcher.
As someone who is apparently viewed as student of human nature, as well as a consummate actor, my ability to judge the verisimilitude of motivation is respected, even if I myself am universally viewed as a batshit inscrutable nutjob.

You can judge situations you've personally never been in based on second hand information, after all; if not, what is the point of literature?

[Anonymous No.6204205]

>>6201884
Fun fact: Tolstoy never engaged in any combat during the Crimean war.

[Anonymous No.6205199]

>it's a fantasy novel
>author isn't real

[Anonymous No.6205201]

>it's a novel
>author was never a novel

[Anonymous No.6205215]

>>6201944

[Anonymous No.6205403]

>>6201927
Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance incarnite.

[Anonymous No.6205429]

>>6201884
Dante wrote The Inferno. He was never in hell.

It's called creativity.

[Anonymous No.6205477]

>>6205429
>he was never in hell
He wasn't in hell, he was in Inferno. Read the book dumbass

[Anonymous No.6205481]

>book is a book
>author isn't even me

[Anonymous No.6205488]

>>6202404
>schoolgirl who sucks his brother'

>his

[Anonymous No.6205492]

>>6205488
she's a trap

[Anonymous No.6205493]

>>6205488
sounds entirely right to me

[Anonymous No.6205507]

>>6205488
Don't question it. Just enjoy the ride.

[Anonymous No.6205680]

>>6205488
That's a pretty standard doujin plot.

[Anonymous No.6205701]

>mfw this is slightly "pro-war" and it was written by a vet

[Anonymous No.6205728]

>>6205701
so the vet liked the war, what's wrong with that? glorious carnage and chaos and death and bullets and noise, sounds like heaven

[Anonymous No.6205743]

>>6205701
Ernst was a badass. People dieing all around him. He killed a few redcoats personally. He got wounded multiple times. He just don't give a fuck.
Celine gets a head injury and is bitter, miserable and full of hate ever after.
Hemingway gets a leg injury and turns into an insomniac, alcoholic the rest of his life.
Hitler gets gassed and invents /pol/.
The other three were man-babies compared to Ernst. He was truly master race.

[Anonymous No.6205761]

>>6205701
>Time only strengthens my conviction that it was a good and strenuous life, and that the war, for all its destructiveness, was an incomparable schooling of the heart.."

[Anonymous No.6205766]

>>6202131
>>6202400

[Anonymous No.6206872]

>>6205488
Check your privilege

[Anonymous No.6206929]

>>6205201
underrated

[Anonymous No.6207196]

>>6205201
>it's a frogposter
>poster is not really a frog

[Anonymous No.6207226]

>>6201884

>it's a book about boy riding a giant worm
>author never rode a giant worm

[Anonymous No.6207240]

>it's a horror novel
>the author has never been scared in his life

[Anonymous No.6207877]

>>6202144
I still think she has a point though

[Anonymous No.6208034]

>>6201948
>War is good!

[Anonymous No.6208051]

>>6201927
zoroaster's schism

[Anonymous No.6208056]

I think this is only a problem when the work is pro-war

[Anonymous No.6208075]

>the novel is here
>author died long ago

[Anonymous No.6208091]

>>6208075
>novel doesn't exist yet
>author was just born an hour ago

[Anonymous No.6208141]

>>6208034
Nothing is every good or bad in and of itself.

It has to be good or bad for something.

Think in terms of relations man.

For instance, War is exceptionally good for getting rid of excess shiftless idealistic young men.

[Anonymous No.6208171]

>>6208091
>novel doesn't exist yet
>author has been around for 18+ years
How's that manuscript coming /lit/?

[Anonymous No.6208210]

>>6205701
Soldiers have to rationalize it and look at the few positives, they would be destroyed otherwise.
>>6205761
Surely there are other ways to build character.

[Anonymous No.6208221]

>>6205761
This is not necessarily a pro war statement.

He's a badass though.

[Anonymous No.6208229]

> Show will end before series
> Author has been writing series since 91

[Anonymous No.6208627]

>>6208221
"Pro-war"

[Anonymous No.6208970]

>>6202314
>

[Anonymous No.6208977]

>>6202361
stemkek

[Anonymous No.6209035]

>>6208034
Actually, economically speaking, war is good for jump starting an economy if its failing.

Think about it; "we need more tanks, planes, guns, MREs, etc, do you think your random ass company nobody has ever heard of prior to this can make something? If you can, we'll give you money" "u-uhh, s-sure?" "Good, here's the cash, go build us guns"

They need more workers, and thus hire more people, which in turn causes unemployment rates to lower. More people have more money but more things. Boom. War just jump started a failing economy.

Also, it keeps populations down, and this we have more resources to go around.

[Anonymous No.6209067]

>>6209035
Right, because WW2, Korea, Vietnam and Iraq have all been so beneficial to the U.S. economy. Sure, if you want to give everyone jobs you can have them all make guns or give them all guns but in the long run peace is better for economy.

[D !3Dfmr7kRcs No.6209109]

>>6202304
Starship Troopers

[Anonymous No.6209121]

>>6203254
probably not.

[Anonymous No.6209153]

>>6202304

[Anonymous No.6209163]

>it's a science fiction novel
>writer has never been to the future

[Anonymous No.6209249]

> historical novel following a generals campaigns

> corn

[Anonymous No.6209280]

>>6209067
Iraq was beneficial? Ferguson in his docu states that US has spent many trillions on iraq.

[Anonymous No.6209285]

>>6209280
I was being satirical.

[Anonymous No.6209315]

>>6202304

Leon Degrelle-Campaign in russia

[Anonymous No.6210395]

>>6209249
>it's a post about memes
>it's post-meme memeposting

[Anonymous No.6211367]

>>6201948
I think it would be worse if an author glorified war without fighting, advising people to do something they'd never had the bollocks to do themselves.

[Anonymous No.6211381]

>explaining something

> is a woman

[Anonymous No.6211623]

>>6209153
thought this was about corn?

[Anonymous No.6211643]

>>6204205
Tolstoy saw conflict in the occupation of the Caucasus

[Anonymous No.6211648]

>>6207226
What do you know about Herbert's sexlife?

[Anonymous No.6211981]

>>6202379

[Anonymous No.6212117]

>>6211623
Lel. Are you an idiot? Corn was introduced to Europe after the colonialization of the New World.

[Anonymous No.6212536]

>>6209067

Uh, yeah, that is right. World War II was more beneficial for the American economy than anything else in history.

[Anonymous No.6213097]

>>6209067
>Sure, if you want to give everyone jobs you can have them all make guns or give them all guns but in the long run peace is better for economy.

How can you even prove this? "Long term peace" is a pretty fucking rare event in the world.

[Anonymous No.6213135]

>>6212117
No, I've read Virgil, and he talks about corn in the Georgics, I think, seges or something.

[Anonymous No.6213145]

>>6212536
>World War II was more beneficial for the American economy than anything else in history

[Anonymous No.6213153]

>>6213097
Pax Romana

[Anonymous No.6213159]

>>6213145
Look at this dummy

[Anonymous No.6213171]

>>6202361
Quark is just his name you retard, the species is Ferengi.

[Anonymous No.6213187]

>>6202400
>that pic

top lel

[Anonymous No.6213191]

>>6213153
That was peace within the borders of the Empire you dolt.

On the frontier they were at war all the time.

[Anonymous No.6213197]

>>6213171
Does my heart good to tell you you're the retard for not knowing what a quark is.

[Anonymous No.6213200]

>>6213159
>getting trolled this hard by frogposters

[Anonymous No.6213299]

>political book

>author ist ein Jude

[Anonymous No.6213407]

>>6208229
lel

[Anonymous No.6213412]

>>6205488
fucking cis scum

[Anonymous No.6213472]

>>6201944

[Anonymous No.6213788]

>>6213412

[Anonymous No.6215352]

>>6211648
underrated post