[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature


View post   

File: 398 KB, 839x1094, poo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
618641 No.618641 [Reply] [Original]

Lit, any pointers on this poem?

You had pasta in a city diner,
I had coffee – black – and bitter.
It quenched my thirst and burnt my tongue.

We were normal, as normal as we could be
I enjoyed my meal with you, but it was not fun
After all you had done.
You would never finish your dinners.

>> No.618644

Delete it.

>> No.618648

bump

>> No.618654
File: 18 KB, 300x397, ezrap.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
618654

Needs editing.

>> No.618656

Moar Frank O'Hara style description less stating how normal the speaker is.

>> No.618658

>>618656

gracious.

>> No.618666

>as we could be
>fun and done rhyming

These things are jarring but otherwise I like it. I particularly like the last line.

>> No.618668

rhythm or rhyme, better words and a better subject