/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.6171842]

Ive never identified so completely with a character in a book, part one felt like the author was describing me, my actions and glimpses of a potential future. Every brush with a young girl, or internal monologue of HH felt more like my own thoughts and actions than something i was reading.

Now, I admit im a lolicon/pedophile/pedosexual/hebephile or whatever label people give someone who likes young girls, and that it was part of the reason I read Lolita. But the efect it had was not what I was expecting.

Part two was, different. I could see myself in that position. I became more paranoid along with HH with every page turn. The book turned from a exciting self insertable piece of erotica to something that took every single thought, every rationalization I had about (for a lack of a better word) my passion, tore it to pieces and completely destroyed the shreds.

Since then I just cant bring myself to like, or even tolerate myself. When I see a young girl, im torn torn between excitement and shame, sadness, and hatred for what I am. Ive deleted my whole collection of pictures, stopped going to certain sites, and completely stopped fantasizing about this topic.

This book has completely and utterly destroyed something that I loved, down to my very core.

Have any of you guys ever read something that made something you liked totally unbearable? Does this feeling fade, or is it a permanent shift in thought that can only be changed by an equally moving book?

[Anonymous No.6171847]

So you finally realized that all anime actually is pedophilia?
That's a start towards a better life

[ΟΥΤΙΣ No.6171856]

>>6171842
it aint even be like u elucidate it do but u diddle little baby girls how the parking in their rear lmao

Ur a str8 ass melon hahahaha

[Anonymous No.6171862]

>>6171847
>I'm a fucking retard

Oh hey, another realization, congrats.

[Anonymous No.6171866]

>>6171842
that manga made me sad

[Anonymous No.6171873]

>>6171842
Go for petite women OP?

[Anonymous No.6171876]

>>6171862
>he actually thinks anime wasn't a mistake and that it doesn't pander to hikkikomori weebs that will commit suicide within two years

[Anonymous No.6171878]

As someone who killed the same demons you're currently wresting with, all I can say is embrace it. One of the "points" of literature is so that you can learn vicariously through the fictional experiences of others. You've learned an important lesson about yourself and your relation to the world with regards to your sexuality. The fact that a single work of fiction transformed your self orientation shows how repressed your self-disgust really was.
Chances are you aren't a "genuine" pedophile, and you've just been isolated too long with certain unwholesome aspects of internet culture.
Bury your skeletons while you're still young, OP. Try to live for and love other human beings. Try to see as beautiful what is necessary and morally right.
That's what I did anyways.

[Anonymous No.6171889]

>>6171876
QQ more nigga your buns are smokin' ROFL

[Anonymous No.6171940]

>>6171842
try the greeks

[Anonymous No.6172111]

>>6171866
that artist make made me sad

[Anonymous No.6172662]

>>6171842
i feel sick knowing people like you are on /lit/

[Anonymous No.6172668]

>>6171878
Seconded hard. OP should really go out more and talk to people without assuming firsthand that they are retards.

[Anonymous No.6172679]

The book made me realize I'm not a pedophile and made me regret every dirty thought id had about girls years younger than me.. The fact you enjoyed it proves you're a fucking idiot who does not deserve a place in society you disgusting faggot.

[Anonymous No.6172745]

>>6172668
>OP should really go out more and talk to people without assuming firsthand that they are retards.
I do, that doesn't really effect my sexuality. Except that old woman (>18yo) are annoying and i have noting in common with them, while I usually get along well with their little sisters.

>>6172679
>The fact you enjoyed it proves you're a fucking idiot
1) I only enjoyed the first half
2) How does that make me an idiot? pervert, evil, scum, any of those things I can see how it relates, but idiot?

[Anonymous No.6172756]

>>6172662

[Anonymous No.6172792]

>>6172662
>>>/reddit/

[Anonymous No.6172804]

>>6172745
>Except that old woman (>18yo) are annoying and i have noting in common with them, while I usually get along well with their little sisters.

Pretty much my point. Spend more time with adults, learn to enjoy their company.

That "getting along with little sisters" seem like what a fixed pedophile would say. Not trying to disparage you, just thinking having a name for your problem might help you solve it. Do you think of yourself as "a child in an adult's body", "fundamentally a child" or "closer to children than adults" ? Do you fantasize about becoming a child, or living only with children, in a kind of innocent, untainted friendship ? Whi would you rate as more attractive or sexy/who would like like to have sex with more:
a) A smoking-hot 15-20 years old girl
b)A cute 8 years old girl
c)A smoking hot 25-30 years old girl with lots of experience

[Anonymous No.6172898]

>>6172804
>Learn to enjoy their company.
im trying

>having a name for your problem might help you solve it
I know im pedosexual

>a child in an adult's body
well I dont really feel like im an adult, looking at other adults it kind of feels like they got some training on life along the way that i missed and now i have no idea what im doing, and that im not part of their secret club.


>Do you fantasize about becoming a child
sometimes, not realy with friendship, but having a relationship where a kiss on the cheek is a big deal, and sex isnt even thought about

>living only with children
not realy

>a) A smoking-hot 15-20 years old girl
depends, 'smoking hot' like what my friends define it, no. I dont like big breasted curve (aka fat) woman, if its a skinny, small breasted girl then yes

>b)A cute 8 years old girl
no, unless shes at least as developed as a 12 yo

>c)A smoking hot 25-30 years old girl with lots of experience
same as a
but the experiences is a drawback.

[Anonymous No.6172926]

>>6172898
>I know im pedosexual

There are various kinds of pedosexual, what the law considers pedosexual correspond to a variety of behaviors that have almost nothing in common in some cases.

>well I dont really feel like im an adult, looking at other adults it kind of feels like they got some training on life along the way that i missed and now i have no idea what im doing, and that im not part of their secret club.

That could be some fixed pedophile stuff ("I never grew up" syndrome). Or you could simply be inexperienced and scared.

From your answers to my questions, that seems rather like the latter, but don't take a 4chan's psychologist's word for it.

When you say you'd be attracted to a skinny girl in her 15-20, would that attraction be the same if the girl were 20-25 ? An if the girl were 10-15 instead ? If you're typically attracted to 20-something (or even to 14 and above, typically post-puberty girls) , then you're perhaps not really a pedo, just someone attracted to girl-like women who is too scared or confused to really act upon that desire. Have you ever hit on a woman (I means tried to seduce her, not actually hit her) ? If no, try it perhaps ? It can be scary and painful when you're not used to it, but if you take it as simply a game that can end up in you having sex, it will seem much less daunting. Do you like the idea of dating a girl your age, but are afraid of what it would entail ? If yes, that tends to confirm my idea that you're simply a scared young man. If no, perhaps you're simply put off by maturity and feel like staying adolescent a bit more. If you're definitely more attracted towards girls under 14, and don't think dating a girl your age is hot (however scary) then yes, you're probably a pedophile.


Note that I tell you this with the idea that you're around 18-22.

[Anonymous No.6172946]

>>6172898
>depends, 'smoking hot' like what my friends define it, no. I dont like big breasted curve (aka fat) woman, if its a skinny, small breasted girl then yes

>no, unless shes at least as developed as a 12 yo

I've noticed this a lot with internet "lolicons" - typically y'all seem to fantasize about and describe girls with both childish and mature characteristics, or like, fundamentally "underdeveloped"-seeming adolescents even when you claim to be describing outright children. lolis in anime, like pic related (she's supposed to be 9), are often drawn looking much more mature than their age, but with recognizable underdeveloped characteristics (e.g. breasts). I'm not sure what this signifies, beyond people who treat pedophilia as a meme not being actual pedophiles that often, it doesn't seem like just "ephebophilia" either because the lack of development of secondary sexual characteristics proportionate to anything else seems like a distinct part of it? and like, the idea of youth, maybe?

>the experiences is a drawback

why?

[Anonymous No.6172953]

>>6172946
I think you're on to something here. OP doesn't seem to be an actual pedo, but someone who likes underdeveloped (though still somewhat developed) girls. He's confused, torn apart bteween an adult sexual desire and a fear of adult things ("the experience is a drawback"). To me that's a symptom of emotional immaturity more than anything else.

[Anonymous No.6172989]

>>6172926
id say my preferred range is around 12-22, older than that the skin begins to show their age. when i said pedo im using the popular definition of <18yo, not pre-puberty like the true definition. ive hit on woman a couple of times when i was drunk, but never gotten very far, or didnt pursue it very far. if I had to pick a relative age girl to date, id pick 8 years younger than me, specifically 8 because that how much my mother, who is short flat chested and was often mistaken for my sister (maybe i have some Oedipus complex going on?), is younger than my father. im 25 btw, and no girl >22 ive met has ever turned me on. it could be that im just scared, i have some social anxiety in any case, but ive notices its not so bad with people a lot younger than me, maybe its because they show more respect? (i love it when they call me 'mister' in my language, its sound so awesome).

[Anonymous No.6173414]

>Pedophilia

[Anonymous No.6173427]

How does this make you feel?

[Anonymous No.6173446]

>Tfw society looks down on you for preferring short, petite girls
>Don't even have an interest in anyone under 18

For some reason not liking curvy women means you're a pedophile, I don't get it.

[Anonymous No.6173461]

>>6173446
if you like petite girls, you might as well date little boys.

the only people who like petite woman are closet homosexuals anyway

[Anonymous No.6173482]

>>6173461
>I'm a complete fucking retard

Good to know Jackass.

[Anonymous No.6173501]

>>6173482
nice ad homonym

[Anonymous No.6173758]

>>6171842
See a therapist.

>>6173501
It's called ad hominem, you stupid shitstain.

[Anonymous No.6173829]

>>6173758
make me

[Anonymous No.6173916]

>>6173829
OP if that's you I seriously implore you to deeply consider my advice offered here >>6171878
I was in deep. Like you, and many onf this site, I was socially isolated and resorted to otaku culture as my solace and island of contentment. Like most weebs, thanks to the influence of otaku media, I developed a fixation on evanescent forms of beauty, namely innocence, purity, and uncorrupted/uncynical love; for truly these seemed the most beautiful things in life, untainted by everything I found revolting in my real life. These forms of beauty are clearly embodied in the otaku media conception of the "little girl". Like most weebs that appreciation of beauty became conflated and confused with my sexuality, and I started identifying that appreciation of innocence with my human sexual response. First it was loli doujins, then candydoll models, then real CP. I convinced myself that this was who I was. That my understanding of what was beautiful and what I considered emotionally aesthetic reflected something about my sexuality.
I realized after a great deal of tortuous self-reflection, and growing up, that my self-identifying as a pedophile was merely an insulation, as all otaku culture is an insulation, from reality. In reality I was emotionally immature and underdeveloped socially, scared to take any tangible steps to assuage my loneliness in cogent manner. In reality I was sexually frustrated and desperately lonely. In reality my attraction to innocence was borne out of my own perception that I was a human being left behind somehow. I convinced myself I was sexually attracted to children because it was the easy way out so to speak; I was able to do it without confronting my weaknesses. I craved that innocent beauty not because it was the most highly esteemed aesthetic pleasure, but because it was unchallenging to my sexual dysfunction.
Otaku culture is a culture of denial and death. Of repression and confusion. Hold high the beauty you see in little girls, and hold that beauty dear to you; its beauty that everyone with a heart realizes and appreciates albeit never sexually. But criticize anything you think might possibly follow from that beauty, for it’s likely the influence of your loneliness and self-perceived failings. Overcome yourself, take a break from the internet, disengage your passions from each other, especially your emotional and aesthetic appreciation from your sexual appreciation. If you want advice or someone to talk to I can make myself available to you. I’ve gone through what you’re going through, even if you don’t realize the path to self-realizing you just embarked upon. You aren't a pedophile or a failure, you've just been very very critically lazy.

[Anonymous No.6174540]

>>6173916
dis some real talk