poetry rate thread

[Anonymous No.6155560]

>poetry rate thread

Contribute, rate and critic

My newest work, i'm still learning (started about two weeks ago)
---
Walking, hoping just to see you,
Hoping you're alone,
Hoping you will notice.

Picking your streets, I try not to look,
But my mind tricks me, and my eyes wander away.

And when they do, I see you,
In the corner,
as a figure.
Or an ghost,
A see-through wish.

I will throw myself under the feet of your dreams,
Just to know am I there.

Do you see me?
Do you remember me?
As time goes by, I start to believe my answers.
---

[Anonymous No.6155564]

>>6155560
are you grill,? if so 7/10

if not, gaaaaaaay / 10

[H.Q.S.$.G No.6155566]

>>6155560
roses are red
violets are blue
your poem sucks ass
kill yourself

[Anonymous No.6155571]

>>6155564
>>6155566

Well it's about my girlfriend.She died like a month ago so I think it's allowed for me to be gay.

[Anonymous No.6155595]

>>6155566
roses are red,
violets are blue,
who the fuck are you

[Anonymous No.6155708]

>>6155560
It reminds my of Charles Wright
---
I look through the porthole
I sail into the sea
the depth of any soul
left a hue in me

I watch with affection
to part blushing from blue
it is my affliction
my one restriction; you

My eyes do the calling
why do we turn apart
I can part the Red Sea
but can I break a heart

[Anonymous No.6155713]

>>6155560
It reminds of of Charles Wright.
---
I look through the porthole
I sail into the sea
the depth of any soul
left a hue in me

I watch with affection
to part blushing from blue
it is my affliction
my one restriction; you

My eyes do the calling
why do we turn apart
I can part the Red Sea
but can I break a heart

[Anonymous No.6157472]

>>6155560
I like it

[Anonymous No.6157476]

>>6155571
Really sorry to hear that brother.

[Anonymous No.6157490]

>>6155560
I think you're taking some good chances with phrasing and language generally, but altogether it feels pretty sophomoric, but at two weeks it scarcely feels like a lost cause

[Anonymous No.6157492]

>>6155571
That's no excuse.