/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.610523]

/tg/ go-er here, and unsure of this new /lit/. Did all my writefaggatory in /tg/, so forgive me if I ask for an audience.

I dream up stories and write certain ones that keep my attention for more than a day or two. Started last night, slept on it and woke up continuing it (rare). I would like to present a rough outline of the story here before I start on the story in full detail. Nothing book worthy imo but, I do want some input because it seems mary sue to me.

So would any of you critique a bit for me?
(I haven't started anything yet and will be typing a while if someone says yes.)

[Anonymous No.610525]

Just don't bring any of that warhammer faggotry into /lit/

[Anonymous No.610526]

>>610525
This.

we always love to read, but we don't like fanfiction.

[Anonymous No.610528]

>>610525
Is that a yes?

And no, it's not 40k or Fantasyhammer related.

[Anonymous No.610532]

Please, proceed. Warhammer faggotry can sometimes be very entertaining, so don't be shy.

[Anonymous No.610534]

>>610525
>>610526

OP here. You guys are pretentious asses.

[Sliber No.610535]

Alright then. Assuming temporary namefag for the strip, starting shortly.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610538]

>>610534
Not op, thank you, jackass. Now putting a tripcode on the name..

That was not me...

[Anonymous No.610541]

>>610535

Shit you're onto me.

[Anonymous No.610542]

>>610532
>warhammer faggotry can sometimes be very entertaining

No it can't.

[Anonymous No.610546]

>>610538

[Anonymous No.610551]

>>610542

that's just like, your opinion man

[Anonymous No.610561]

>>610551
Post one thing that proves you right.

[Anonymous No.610568]

>>610561

[Anonymous No.610572]

>>610568

That is rather interesting I admit...

[Anonymous No.610575]

>>610572

I agree. Indubitably! This is indeed fascinating and extremely entertaining. It seems the poster has made his point.

[Anonymous No.610577]

>>610568
Cosplay is pathetic.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610578]

First a short explanation of the setting (outline, sorry).

Fantasy world related, typical forest/jungle island setting with several peoples slightly differing. All the long eared types, not elves, more like halflings but hard to describe without a picture and ears are not pointy. Protagonist is a teenager of the tribe, long tribe history. The "magic" of the setting is based off either temperature changes or atmosphere pressures. (we breathe one atmosphere, the water bodies are a different atmosphere because of density etc) so one type controls water+air by expanding and compressing local areas to induce flight or otherwise impossible stuff. Temp changing is more like electricity in how it acts, following a path through the air/object until it reaches the target and changes its temp to the desired level (slow attack). So it is an opposite, and unblock-able magic that contrasts the other. I try not to complicate it too much, or make it seem too much like Ang from the last avatar anime series. (Although I was inspired by it, just a different version rather then martial arts moves.)

Starting with the story meat next.

[Anonymous No.610588]

>>610577

What is a cosplay? Is that one of those things to do with stupid Japan-crazed idiots?

All I see is a person who is dressed up in an interesting outfit.

[Anonymous No.610594]

>>610578

Run with it and bring it back to us. I'm already interested.

[Anonymous No.610599]

>>610588

>>faggot calls dressing up 'cosplay'

Filthy weeaboo.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610639]

Protagonist is from a island border-edge side where there are steep cliffs. Cliffs maintain cliff drakes or I would call them dogs (how I will depict them based off one of my puppies). Typical dragon and fantasy stuff I know but it won't be for kids.

Protagonist, I'll just say Red to be simple, no good names as of yet. Red starts out, typical introduction pages where the powers are explained while he's doing things in the village, a reason makes him walk out along the cliffs. The drakes in the story have been dying off over time and they lost 'touch' with being kind to them and have been eaten by them. (I might go into a dare situation, or just the best youth who can scout the area for the elders). In all he walks a short ways and a Drake pops up out of nowhere. Now for the intent of where I want to take this encounter I'll go into detail of this part.

"Oh snit, erry what should I-do." Thinking fast of what the elders told him to do in this situation as not to have it chase your scent for twelve days and eleven nights as in legend.

Red stands up straight and faces the Drake. The drake snaps it's head to the sky and rolls its chin around to a snarl.

"Snit snit snit, uhh what did frip to do when they grin..." He ponders and then tilts his head to the left and right, hoping to make it curious.

It works, the creature mimics his movements. The next move is crucial and Red snits' it up as usual. He charges and the drake grounds him with a headbutt! Unfortunately he skipped a step, the step where he was should've kept walking.

"Grrah snikkitfrati-" he trails off, the Drake pondering his actions, reversing his efforts he stands up again a bit too fast. It snarls again and lowers its snout down to him.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610641]

>>610639

"Uuuhhbuu-" He grits his teeth, closes his eyes and raises his hands yelling "Abbagabba!" - startling the creature again.

It gawks, rearing back in surprise. Red stands there motionless with his arms in the air. For a moment he thinks nothing will happen and it will just move away. Eventfully though, he's met with a returning "Rarrarrrraa!" from the gibbering Drake as it wiggles its head side to side in the same manner he did.

He breaks up laughing keeling over and breaking eye contact with the creature. Big mistake - he's thrown to the ground with another headbutt and now it's staring down at him, drooling like a child.

"Ughhwaa.. uh, Abbagabba?" .... "Rarraaraaaa!" With the addition of a saliva downpour, he seems to have made a new friend.

Now if it would stop following him wherever he went... A she, he thinks. Hard to tell when it's all internal.. And he knows the tribe will make him check... That part is perhaps the reason he is so vexed.

(not perfect, I would fix errors later, just a gist of it)
-continuing with the summarising

[Anonymous No.610649]

You can't write.
Read the canon.
Maybe get the norton anthology of English literature both vols.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610746]

He returns to the village with the new drake buddy. He's given a lecture of old times (that he already knows, info for readers). How in times of old, they went to war on the backs of these creatures. Good omen to have one befriend you.

He's anxious about how friendly this critter really is, (perhaps trauma of losing a mother to one, not sure if too mary sue to add that). He checks and double checks everywhere to make sure nobody is around it and he leaves it alone to sleep in his home. He wakes out of a nightmare of it eating everyone, but everyone is ok when he checks. The female Drake senses his distress and gets the hint, however it is more animal instinct than the usual emo protagonist gets mean to his new friend crap (always hated that, animals sense much more so easily). So it leaves to his delight.

Next dream he has the following evening there is a small child of his kind running up to him, roughly 4 years old. She looks up at him and asks if she can stay, when he holds out his arms she runs away crying. A split second passes and she's screaming bloody murder as if she's being tortured and he hears a Drake scream (not roar, a scream) mixed in with that and he wakes up. He gets a dire need to find the drake again.

He searches around and doesn't find her for a while, and then finally he finds tracks near the cliff where he met her.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610749]

Long part short, she was captured, and when he flies over and finds her sniveling in a makeshift rope drag similar to a fishnet. Her wings have been torn off, half her face burnt to a crisp (and the eye on that side pure white and clear as if it was boiled). Captured by the temp-magic mercs. Finding out details after he rants a bit, they hunt drakes for their wings for drake wing soup (shark fin soup reference, 40% of all sharks died to it within a decade, check it out). He intimidates them, they relent because he was bonded to the drake in old pacts they were off limits without the master present unless at war. He demands further that it's a break of the pact to hunt them to such a degree that so few remain on top of the infringement. They offer the wings, he demands the wings to be burnt and not eaten and to disband their hunts. They agree, because they're mercenaries and perhaps not getting much pay for over hunting.

He returns with her and a few little ones rush at her too fast and she curls up. Later asleep near her he see's the child again before him. The childs back is bleeding and the same fresh wound on her face, staring up at him, turns into a worse nightmare (no clue which way to take this part).

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610750]

Summarizing this next part, he visits the local royalty and gets the white glove treatment. He returns and gets a bit sad at this part where he tries to 'invent' new wings for her to use his ability to have her to 'fly' again. He succeeds after a year or so, she attracts the affection of a male, time passes and she's pregnant.

At this point he hears that their sister tribe is under assault on the far side of the island. He leaves the clingy drake behind with her mate. After some travel near dusk a battle (slaughter) with large stitched together beasts and skeletons are chasing around two human-like figures. He rushes in to help, starts smacking down some skeletons and one of the people who ran turns around and knocks him out with a left hook. (comedy chance maybe)

He wakes up shortly after dragged into a burning hut with the other two, including the one who punched him. A large stitch creature rams the door down and he staggers up to fight. Right before he throws any attacks the skeletons mob the creature and take it down. (skeletons are good guys)

Battle is over, he gets a good listen of why and how of things. Skeletons were part of a recent curse by a local necro. He said he would lift it if those who were turned into skeletons would fight for him, they refused. He sent his big monsters to make more skeletons, and to bash the currently existing ones.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610753]

Their village of a decent number down to two living individuals, a mother and a son. Some detail of child skeletons also in here, fighting. He takes up the side-quest of stopping this. He goes to the necro, tries to fight but the necro swipes him aside easily, explaining he's done this before to many of his kind.

He tells Red that if he acts as a messenger to send a duel invite to another Necro that he originally wanted to start an army to fight. That he would let the two villagers go free. With no choice, he does so and goes to this bright ivory city atop a mountain. The necro there is a queen, and has been a long time after further plot advancement hints.

He tells her, she splits and rushes much faster then Red could follow. When he arrives he finds her pinned to a wall helpless and impaled on spikes.

He tries to defend her, avoiding blows is all he can do and then the villain starts shooting at her, Red gets in the way and blocks with his wind compression. Then out of nowhere his Drakes' mate crashes in and beheads the villain and leaves.

Good necro consumes bad necro, plot advancement explanation ensues of how it all started. She joins him to help out, in addition to the skeletons (minus the children who go to her city instead) follow Red to help his sister tribe.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610757]

A bad group of marauders acting more like hooligans have been messing with the town. Killing one or two every few days. They plead for him to not to use the skeletons or necro friend. He disagrees, some internal fighting in this part but mostly filler. He's finally turned away after a crazy villager attacks him. He scares off a wave of marauders and decides to attack their home base.

A large group of 250 or so versus his 30 skeletons, necro and his ability. They have no powers, just sling weapons. Recently killing a villager that the necro turned undead to spark it.

Battle being short, everyone he kills is turned into a skeleton but 1 skeleton is no match for 1 marauder so he gets bloody in this. Afterward the necro shows a kind side acting motherly to him. Staple mark quote of hers would be "remain human, that's it - cry" while holding him. (he has no mother) - and I would use his species name, not human, not made up yet.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610761]

He returns victorious to his home village to find that the pups were born while he was away. All but his drake was taken by new mercenaries. His drake won't eat or sleep until he gets them back (suspense part).

Long part short, he finds the papa tortured but still can fly, gets him back and one pup that has holes in it's maw from iron clamps. He finds the pups were sold to royalty all over the island so he has a new adventure filled with blood. Reuniting with each of them differently spanning years trying to get them. The first one he gets back gives him a flashback of a child running into his arms screaming "grandpa!". (he gets a bit dillusional that the drakes are his actual family)

The last one he rescues is a full adult, tamed by torture and covered with drilled-on armor plates (torture to put on and constant agitation). Ends up biting off one of his arms as he tries to make it remember his scent from its mother. Same conflict his motherly necro figure is torn in half, but being a necro she's still around. Lots of side characters will be added, a few won't be the temporary sort.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610764]

>>610649
I'll keep that in mind.

This though is just a rough sketch of the story. I'm not keep on being perfect when I'm trying to get an idea out before I forget it. I edit my own stuff for practice.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610769]

>>610764
keen*

[Anonymous No.610771]

What the shit?

[Anonymous No.610810]

mybrainisfulloffuck.jpg

Seriously, I read the first two posts detailing your story, and I have no fucking idea what's going on.

Either it's full of typos and you left out a bunch of words, or it just makes no sense. You never explain what a drake is. I thought you said it was a dog, but then it kind of sounds like you mean a dragon. And then your guy starts grappling with it? I think.....

Edit this please. It makes no sense. It might be a good idea, I really can't tell. For God's sake, edit!

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610835]

>>610810
Sorry, drakes are a semi-dragon. Perhaps the most realistic in flight, fore-arms are linked with the wings like a bat along the length of the body similar to a wyvern (/tg/ mind, sorry).

Drakes will be similar to huge dogs in how I will depict their personalities.

The magics extend from the user. One is temperature the other is air pressure/water pressure that makes it slip and slide around. Necromancy in this are just some undead and some minor life leeching.

The creatures are just elves to put it bluntly, even I could go into detail how they are not, for the sake of understanding it easier just going to say elves.
I can see where I lost plenty of links in the chain.

[Sliber !!w7uj5F8sVm7 No.610863]

>>610639
Meets the Drake.

>>610641
Befriends Drake.

>>610746
Miss-understands the Drake and loses the Drake.

>>610749
Finds the Drake injured, gets pissed and pulls strings on the captors to stop their hunts. Then gets sentimental over the drake.

>>610750
Fight, meets new characters, filler.

>>610753
Side story ends.

>>610757
Finishes side quest, but finds his Drakes new family missing. Gets them back over a course of years and sacrifice. Grief making him a bit psychotic.

Pretty much the gist of it.

[Anonymous No.610872]

SENSE

MAKES

NONE