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/lit/ - Literature

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591265 No.591265 [Reply] [Original]

"A DEATH IN THE FAMILY"
"Throughout the centuries, the red fox has left a record symbolizing cunningnes, sagacity, and courage...it has left a mark on the pages of literature and legend, even to modern slang, which applies the name to sly, sharp-witted people: for example, "he is a foxy fellow", or "he Foxed me."
-New Hunter's Encyclopedia

Well folks, let me tell you a story about the red fox, and how i came to know him. It is a tale of treachery and violence rarely encoutered in a family newspaper-or even by me, in my own life, which has not been entirely free of these things.
But even dumb brutes can learn, and i have longs since quit even violence, which i used to enjoy as a sport (but passed when i realized that not everybody feels that way, and some people really want to hurt you).
Vengence is the same way. It was fun to plot and talk about, but the real thing required more time and energy than being saddled with a terminal desease, and not even the best vengence ever paid the rent.
The english language is not crowded with words beginning with the letter "V" that suggest anything but trouble. After violence and vengence, there is also vulgar, vicious, victim, vermin, vain, vacant, vile, vampire....the list is long, with not a lot of smiles.
Right. And nevermind these arcane drifts of language. We will leave them to villains and vissmongers like Edwin Newman and Robin MacNeil.
What we are talking about now is the hideous death in the life of a red fox, considered by many experts to be one of the smartest beasts in nature.

>> No.591269

"The fox has a distinct personality. His exceptional cunning, amounting sometimes almost to genious, has been responsible for many exaggerated stories of his extreme resourcefulness"
-Ibid

But not from me. There is a whole nest of those vicious little red buggers about 200 yards across the field from my front porch, and i am now in the process of killing them. I got the big one a few days ago and the others have gone into hiding.
They went all to pieces when the old man finally returned from his last trip across the field. He was blinded in both eyes and covered with a hard crust of feathers and peacock dung, and he was leaving a trail of blood from the stumps of his hind legs.
It was midafternoon and the carrion birds where just beginning to think about feeding, but they were not in any hurry. There is no lack of food around here. The peacocks eat well-even at 20 below-and so do all the scavangers. There is always plenty of wheat, cracked corn and french fries.
But not alot of meat, which is what they really like...they will eat anythign that bleeds, including their own kind, like sharks in a feeding frenzy. If one of them gets wounded, he will be quickly devoured by the others. They eat the eyes and entrails first, and then they get into the meat.
On any market survey with a "chic scale" from one to ten, the red fox will run about an 8. he is a very stylish animal, with a neo-valuable pelt and social cachet on the level of mean horses and fast dogs.

>> No.591274

Even George Washington loved the red fox. He "spent many happy hours running foxhounds over the wooded areas of mount vernon plantation."
On some farms they will settle for lesser prey, like the grey fox-one of the lower and uglier strains in the Vulpes vulva family; it has eyes like warts and hair like spines of a sea urchin, and a brain like a chicken on speed.
There is also the coyote, which is hunted or at least chased now and then by gangs of nouveau riche huntsmen in places like Vali and Palm Springs...but it is not quite the same, because the coyote always wins.
He is not a vain little punk like the red fox, with its bitchy little temper and its pampered way of life. The coyote is mean, solatary meat eater who will eventually kill any dog who can follow it far enough.

>> No.591275

But i never had a problem with coyotes, although the valley is full of them. In 15 years of relentless coexistence, not even a rabid coyote has ever come up to my front porch and killed one of the family animals, or even chewed up one of the peacocks.
The red fox has a different attitude. He was arrogent and greedy and rude, and somewhere along the line he developed a taste for Salisbury Steak. He also killed the family cat and took to roaming brazenly in the yard and even up on my porch in broad daylight, sniffing around the peacock cage.
The Hav-a-Heart trap is a heavy metal box about 4 feet long, with doors on both ends and a nice little food tray in the middle. When the animal gets far enough in to eat the Salisbury Steak, both doors clang shut and lock firmly. Escape is impossible.
When i found the red fox in the cage i talked to him for a while as i prepared a mixture of feathers and peacock dung, which i began shoveling through the bars and into the cage with him. The fox became hysterical as he thrashed around in the mess, trying to bite off the end of the shovel. Every once in a while i sprayed him with liquid glue and then a final shot of mace in his eyes before i let him go.

>> No.591278

He looked more like a racoon than a fox at that point. The glue had set up quickly, producing a layered effect with the dung and feathers. The beast dragged himself out of the cage, yapping and howling, and ran awkwardly across the field in the general direction of his den in the briar patch.
On his way across the field, the hideous, stinking, half-blind, brain-shattered animal had to pass between two yearling peacocks who were pecking around the grass for bugs, paying no attention to the thing they didnt even recognize as a fox. I was stunned, however, to see the fox veer off his course and make a kind of staggering dumb-vicious pass at one of the birds. So i shot him from behind with a load of double-0 buckshot to send him on his way. The last time I saw him he was covered with blood and two huge red-tailed hawks were circling over-head preparing to take him into the food chain.

>> No.591322

no stop

>> No.591327

>>591322
fuck you, queerbait

>> No.591331

>>591327
seriously. stop.

>> No.591339

>>591331
it HAS stopped dong-bung!

>> No.591443

you- are- the weakest loser biggest zelda

>> No.591636

>>591339
this guy is a faggot btw. I bet he sits down at dinner time and wonders how he can seriously suck more dicks than he does.

>> No.591652

so i puked everywhere in my room after reading this piece of shit

>> No.591659

>>591652
probably had a lot more to do with all the cum in your belly.