/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.590508]

This is awesome.
Thankyou to whoever put this on the Russian books list.

[Anonymous No.590574]

Didn't know GRRM wrote an autobiography.

[Anonymous No.590575]

>>590574

[Anonymous No.590578]

>>590574
>>590575

[Anonymous No.590579]

[Anonymous No.590581]

[Anonymous No.590582]

>the Russian books list.
what? where?

[Anonymous No.590583]

>>590582
fucking

RIGHT HERE

[Anonymous No.590584]

10/10

[Anonymous No.590608]

>>590584
not op, but came to tell that kharms is quite good an author indeed. mind that he wrote it all at the height of stalin's purges and had not survived them himself.

http://www.octopusmagazine.com/issue05/poets/Daniil_Kharms.htm

http://www.scn.org/realpoetik/Daniil-Kharms03.htm

http://www.sevaj.dk/kharms/kharmseng.htm

[The Sound and the Fury !!ryNUDThtPTn No.590613]

>>590583
Great list.

[Anonymous No.590617]

THE LECTURE

Pushkov said:

"What is woman? An engine of love,"--and immediately got punched in the face.

"What for?" asked Pushkov but, receiving no answer, continued:

"This is what I think: you have to roll up to women from below. Women love that, they only pretend they don't."

Here Pushkov was again socked in the face.

"What's going on, comrades? Fine, if that's the case, I won't even talk!" said Pushkov but, after a quarter of a minute, continued:

"Women are arranged in such a way that they are all soft and moist."

Here Pushkov again got socked in the face. Pushkov tried to look as if he didn't notice anything and continued:

"If you sniff a woman..."

But here Pushkov got smashed in the face so hard that he grabbed his cheek and said:

"Comrades, it is absolutely impossible to lecture under such conditions. If this happens again, I won't talk!"

Pushkov waited a quarter of a minute and continued:

"Where were we? Oh--yes! So: Women love to look at themselves. They sit down in front of the mirror totally naked..."

As he said that word he was punched in the face again.

"Naked," repeated Pushkov.

"Pow!" they whacked him in the face.

"Naked!" shouted Pushkov.

"Pow!" he got punched in the face.

"Naked! Naked everywhere! Tits and ass!" shouted Pushkov.

"Pow! Pow! Pow!" they kept punching him in the face.

"Tits and ass with a washtub!" Pushkov was shouting.

"Pow! Pow!" the punches rained down.

"Tits and ass with a tail!" shouted Pushkov, spinning to avoid the punches.

"Naked nun!"

But then Pushkov was hit with such force that he lost consciousness and fell, as if mowed down, upon the floor.

[Anonymous No.590627]

FABLE

One man of medium height said: "I would give anything if only I were even a little bit taller."

He barely said it when he sees a lady medegician standing in front of him.

"What do you want?" says the medegician.

But the man of medium height just stands there so frightened he can't even speak.

"Well?" says the medegician.

The man of medium height just stands there and says nothing. The medegician vanished.

And the man of medium height started crying and biting his nails. First he chewed off all the nails on his fingers, and then on his toes.

Reader! Think this fable over and it will make you very uncomfortable.

[Anonymous No.590643]

Natasha had two sweets. Then she ate one of the sweets and one sweet remained. Natasha placed the sweet on the table in front of her and started crying.

Suddenly she has a look and on the table in front of her there lie two sweets again.

Natasha ate one sweet and again started crying.

Natasha cries and keeps one eye on the table to see whether a second sweet will appear. But a second sweet did not appear.

Natasha stopped crying and started to sing. she sang and sang away, and suddenly died.

Natasha's father arrived, took Natasha and carried her to the house manager.

- Here - says Natasha's father - will you witness the death?

The house manager blew on his stamp and applied it to Natasha's forehead.

- Thank you - said Natasha's father and carried Natasha off to the cemetery.

But at the cemetery was the watchman Matvei; he always sat by the gate and didn't let anyone into the cemetery, so that the dead had to be buried right on the street.

The father buried Natasha on the street, removed his cap, placed it on the spot where he had interred Natasha and went off home.

He arrived home and Natasha was already sitting there. How come? It's very simple: she climbed out from under the earth and ran back home.
...

[Anonymous No.590645]

What a thing! The father was so taken aback that he collapsed and died.

Natasha called the house manager, saying to him: - Will you witness a death?

The house manager blew on his stamp and applied it to a sheet of paper and then on the same sheet of paper he wrote: 'This certifies that so and so has actually died.'

Natasha took the piece of paper and carried it off to the cemetery for burial. But the watchman Matvei tells Natasha: - I'm not letting you in on any account.

Natasha says: - I just want to bury this piece of palmer.

And the watchman says: - Don't even ask. Natasha interred the piece of paper on the street, placed her socks on the spot where she had interred the piece of paper and went off home.

She gets home and the father is already sitting there at home and is already playing against himself on a miniature billiard table with little metal balls.

Natasha was surprised but said nothing and went off to her room to grow up.

She grew and grew and within four years she had become a grown-up young lady. But Natasha's father had become aged and bent. But they will both remember how they had taken each other for dead and so they will fall on the divan and just laugh. Sometimes they will laugh for about twenty minutes.

And their neighbours, as soon as they hear this laughter, immediately put on their coats and go off to the cinema. And one day they went off like that and never came back again. Seemingly, they were run over by a car.

1936

[The Sound and the Fury !!ryNUDThtPTn No.590650]

Does this guy smoke pot?

[Anonymous No.590661]

>>590650
>Does this guy smoke pot?
No. He starved to death.

Russian futurists, most prominently Mayakovski and him were knit around the Shkolovsky circle of linguists. They did the very same thing as the fancy frenchmen of the 1970-90s but they did it in a popular and not elitist way which made the theory much easier to comprehend.

stalin, like hitler, had a kink for realism. so mayakovski shot himself and kharms starved himself to death.

[Anonymous No.590666]

from THE BLUE NOTEBOOK

1.

My opinion of traveling is succinct: when traveling, do not go too far or else you might see something that will even be impossible to forget. And if anything settles in the memory too stubbornly, a person first starts to feel uneasy, and then it gets quite difficult to keep up the vivacity of the soul.
2.

So, for instance: one watchmaker, Comrade Badaev, could not forget a phrase he heard once long ago: “If the sky were crooked, it wouldn’t make it any lower.” Comrade Badaev didn’t really get this saying, it irritated him, he found it unreasonable, even lacking any kind of sense, malignant even, because its claim was obviously incorrect (Comrade Badaev felt that a knowledgeable physicist could say something regarding “the height of the sky” and would question the expression “the sky is crooked.” Were this phrase to get to Pearlman, Comrade Badaev was certain, Pearlman would tear its meaning to shreds, the way a young pup tears up house slippers), obviously antagonistic to the normal pattern of European thought. If indeed the claim contained in this saying were true, then it was too unimportant and worthless to speak of. And in any case, hearing this phrase just once, one ought right away to forget it. But he couldn’t make that happen: Comrade Badaev constantly remembered this phrase and suffered greatly.
3.

It is healthy for a person to know only that which he is supposed to. I can offer the following incident as an example: one person knew a little more, and another a bit less than they were supposed to know. And what happened? The one that knew a bit less got rich, and the one that knew a little more lived his whole life with simply adequate means.

[to be cont'd]

[Anonymous No.590669]

4.

Since ancient times, people have wondered about what was smart and what was stupid. In that regard, I remember this incident: when my aunt gave me a writing desk as a gift, I said to myself: “Well now I’ll sit down at this desk and the first thought I come up with at this desk will be especially smart.” But I could not come up with an especially smart thought. Then I said to myself: “Okay. I wasn’t able to come up with an especially smart thought, so I’ll come up with an especially stupid one.” But I couldn’t come up with an especially stupid thought either.
5.

Everything that’s extreme is difficult. The middle parts are done more easily. The very center requires no effort at all. The center is equal to equilibrium. There’s no fight in it.
6.

Is it necessary to get out of equilibrium?
7.

While traveling, do not give yourself over to daydreams, but fantasize and pay attention to everything, even the insignificant details.
8.

When sitting in place do not kick your feet.
9.

Any old wisdom is good if somebody has understood it. A wisdom that hasn’t been understood may get covered in dust.
10.

There lived a redheaded man who had no eyes or ears. He didn’t have hair either, so he was called a redhead arbitrarily. He couldn’t talk because he had no mouth. He had no nose either. He didn’t even have arms or legs. He had no stomach, he had no back, he had no spine, and he had no innards at all. He didn’t have anything. So we don’t even know who we’re talking about. It’s better that we don’t talk about him any more.

January 7, 1937

[Anonymous No.590670]

They call me the Capuchin. For that I'll tear the ears off whomsoever it may be necessary, but meanwhile I get no peace from the fame of Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Why did he have to know everything? How to swaddle infants and how to give young girls in marriage - I would also like to know everything. In fact I do know everything, except that I am not so sure of my theories. About infants, I certainly know that they should not be swaddled at all - they should be obliterated. For this I would establish a central pit in the city and would throw the infants into it. And so that the stench of decomposition should not come from the pit, it could be flooded every week with quicklime. Into the same pit I would also stick all Alsatian dogs. Now, about giving young girls in marriage. That, in my view, is even simpler: I would establish a public hall where, say, once a month all the youth would assemble. All of them between seventeen and thirty-five would have to strip naked and parade up and down the hall. If anyone fancied someone, then that pair would go off into a corner and there examine each other in detail. I forgot to say that they would all have to have a card hanging from the neck with their name, surname and address. Then, a letter could be sent to whomever was to someone's taste, to set up a more intimate acquaintance. Should any old man or woman intervene in these matters, I would propose killing them with an axe and dragging them off to the same place as the infants - to the central pit.

I would have written more of the knowledge within me, but unfortunately I have to go to the shop for tobacco. When walking on the street, I always take with me a thick knotty stick. I take it with me in order to batter any infants who may get under my feet. That must be why they called me the Capuchin. But just you wait, you swine, I'll skin your ears yet!

1938

[Anonymous No.590672]

On the roof of a certain building two draftsmen sat eating buckwheat kasha.

Suddenly one of the draftsmen shrieked with joy and took a long handkerchief
out of his pocket. He had a brilliant idea--he would tie a twenty-kopeck coin into one end of the handkerchief and toss the whole thing off the roof down into the street and see what would come of it.

The second draftsman quickly caught on to the first one's idea. He finished his buckwheat kasha, blew his nose and, having licked his fingers, got ready to watch the first draftsman.

As it happened, both draftsmen were distracted from the experiment with the handkerchief and twenty-kopeck coin. On the roof where both draftsmen sat an event occurred which could not have gone unnoticed.

The janitor Ibrahim was hammering a long stick with a faded flag into a chimney.

The draftsmen asked Ibrahim what it meant, to which Ibrahim answered: "This means that there's a holiday in the city."

"And what holiday would that be, Ibrahim?" asked the draftsmen.

"It's a holiday because our favorite poet composed a new poem," said Ibrahim.

And the draftsmen, shamed by their ignorance, dissolved into the air.

9 January 1935; translated by Matvei Yankelevich

[Anonymous No.590676]

shit, i have to buy this now

[Anonymous No.590690]

Not the other guy that was posting

One day Orlov stuffed himself with mashed peas and died. Krylov, having heard the news, also died.
And Spiridonov died regardless. And Spiridonov's wife fell from the cupboard and also died.
And the Spiridonov children drowned in a pond. Spiridonov's grandmother took to the bottle and wandered the highways.
And Mikhailov stopped combing his hair and came down with mange. And Kruglov sketched a lady holding a whip and went mad.
And Perekhryostov received four hundred rubles wired over the telegram and was so uppity about it he was forced to leave his job.
All good people but they don't know how to hold their ground.

[Anonymous No.590701]

"Once Orlov overate on mashed peas and died. And Krylov, having found out
about it, died too. And Spiridonov died on his own accord. And Spiridonov's
wife fell off the cupboard and died too. And Spiridonov's children drowned
in the pond. And Spiridonov's grandmother took to drink and went off
panhandling. And Mikhailov stopped combing and got sick with dandruff. And
Kruglov drew a lady with a whip and lost his mind. And Perehrestov was wired
400 roubles and therefore acted with such self-importance that he got fired
from his job.
These are all decent people, but they just can't get on in life on a firm
footing."

[Anonymous No.590702]

>>590690
lol'd