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/lit/ - Literature

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5263767 No.5263767[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Do you feel reading and becoming smarter comes at the price of losing social skills and the capacity to connect with people?

This girl is 5 and she has better social skills than 99% of people I meet.

Is it because she is too naive to be insecure?
Is it because she lacks knowledge?

What is it?

>> No.5263768

forgot link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB3ieNhEsDY

>> No.5263778

>>5263767
>Do you feel reading and becoming smarter comes at the price of losing social skills and the capacity to connect with people?


Yes.

And i regret nothing.

>> No.5263782

>>5263767
>she has better social skills than 99% of people I meet

lol

>> No.5263785

>>5263767
a 5? she's easily an 8

>> No.5263786

>Do you feel reading and becoming smarter comes at the price of losing social skills and the capacity to connect with people?

no lol why would it?

>> No.5263787

>>5263767
>does getting smarter come at the price of losing social skills

no. at least not necessarily. if one is so perceptive and able, if one chooses, one should be able to connect with people and be sociable. i have done so myself.

>this girl is 5 and she has beeter social skills than 99% of people i meet

that's because children occupy a special place in the social imagination, they are given a degree of freedom in terms of their behavior that is not given to adults. it is not that she has 'better social skills,' a person with 'good social skills' for example would be able to solicit burdensome secrets from people and offer consolation, for example, i doubt she could do this. another example: choose the right silverware during fine dining. yet another example: stay quiet during a long, quiet movie. and so on. i dont think you really completely thought out what 'social skills' means.

>> No.5263806

>>5263787
I think it was a matter of assumption that by "social skills" I was not referring to the entire range of adult "social skills" but rather basic interpersonal skills like
-ability to listen with interest and engagement
-storytelling ability (notice how she doesn't really consider nervously her word choice but almost speaks effortlessly)
-positive body language gestures (she is smiling throughout the entire video, she is lovely)

>> No.5263825

That depends. Introverted or not, if you forcefully expose yourself to social situations, you will naturally improve in socializing. If you are a NEET then yes, you will not learn social skills as the only social skills that will be required of you are friends and 4chan conversations.

However, if you are not a NEET and have responsibilities to attend to, you will naturally learn to cope with social situations and become better at managing them, as every job and every task outside the house requires social interaction. For some it's easier to learn to say the right thing the right way, for others it's harder, but exposure is bound to teach you a thing or two, just as exposure to books made you a better reader.

Now, when it comes to social interaction in a formal setting versus a casual setting, it's a little different. Myself, I sell kitchens at IKEA and have constant formal contact with strangers, sometimes for hours on end and I tend to make a good impression on them by being sociable and informative, but as soon as I go to a casual gathering of my own peers, I lose that edge, because I hold no authority and no mutual interest for the other party anymore and must create it from naught.

>> No.5263837

>>5263768
man i feel this all the time with kids react videos, and things like that

i feel like i've never been that expressive or socially competent in my entire life

am i just an idiot? am i literally dumber than a child?

>> No.5263842

>>5263785
hahahaha

>> No.5263849

>>5263767
>>5263837

this video hit me right in the feels.
long story short, in the past few years I feel like i've sort of become alienated from my friendgroup because i've started reading a lot. I feel like i sacrificed the fun and social connections in life just to learn some truths about economics, history, culture etc.
i feel like ive become boring. i find it hard to live in the present and have a good time now.

that girl in the video exhibits every quality i wish i still had. ignorance is bliss- and fun

>> No.5263856

>>5263767
I saw that video a little while ago when I was research accents and I couldn't stand it.

>mid-atlantic radio announcer accent masterrace

>> No.5263860

depends on what you read

>> No.5263862

>tfw you want to read deeply and broadly in history, philosophy, and literature. (and science)
>tfw you also need to build stronger interpersonal skills
>tfw you feel like there is really only time for one

>> No.5263867
File: 1.95 MB, 265x308, 1400277241781.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5263867

>>5263785

>> No.5263869

comparing the social mileu's adults and children is pretty stupid.

>> No.5263874

>>5263862
interleave bro

you don't have to hang out with people every single day

>> No.5263879

>>5263849
I know these feels. Except I live in the present and enjoy my readings. It's just weird when people ask what's new or what I've been up to. People seem to want to hear about zany adventures, not that I've been practicing truth-tables for sentential logic.

I just feel really disconnected from my peers. Even on the subject of books I can't connect. Everyone is going gaga over John Green and ask me my opinion or whatever but I'm sitting over in my corner reading some /lit/-tier book.

>> No.5263887

>>5263879
>practicing truth-tables
consider the possibility of your lack of connecting may be due to your autism

>> No.5263889
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5263889

when she finishes answering one of his questions, in the few seconds before he makes another one, you can see her distant, intense gaze as she seems absolutely immersed in thought and indifferent to everything around her

i remember those gazes. i was also an extrovert at her age and i didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts. it was all distraction: play, talk, play, talk, play, talk and please don't leave me alone, stay with me until i sleep

it will get to her. she'll grow up to be a melancholic, intense person with a darker side she'll have to hide from her peers.

>> No.5263907

>>5263887
I dunno, anon. I've never been diagnosed with anything. I'm just awkward and like reading logic things.

I just try to grin and bear it.

>> No.5263909

>>5263879
oh man, i hate that

>"so what have you been up to"

Like, if you'd just give me a second, I could probably come up with something worth talking about
But when you catch me off guard, put the onus on ME to come up with something interesting to talk about, and reduce the set of things I can even respond to you with to Things I've Actually Done, I've got fucking nothing for you.

i know it's well meaning, but i think it sucks.

>> No.5263920

>>5263907
there's nothing to bear other than your pretentious woe to me i'm such an outsider persona. i have friends, adults, who like john green, and i can have conversations about shakespeare with them too.

>> No.5263926

>>5263920
>you like shakespeare?
>yeah that shit is beautiful.
>you know he was a faggot?
>ok

>> No.5263933

>>5263909
>"So what have you been up to anon?"
>"Oh, not much."
>"Just existin', huh?"
>that polite condescension
>"Well I mean, you know I've been doing... I don't know how to explain it. I've been reading about this -
>"That's nice anon."
>walks away

Muh inner world

>> No.5263936

>>5263926
consider finding friends who aren't homophobes?

>> No.5263938

no
introverted people often like to learn, but they were like that to begin with.
perhaps outgoing, extroverted people who also have a passion for knowledge are the exception to the rule, but you will also find incredibly intelligent but also warm and sociable people especially ones who have made something of their life

>> No.5263939
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5263939

>>5263767

>Do you feel reading and becoming smarter comes at the price of losing social skills and the capacity to connect with people?

After childhood most of us lost the capacity anyway so being rather bright because of our interests is just a nice bonus.

There are people in the same boat as us who're just as moronic as they were before and have made no forward progress in anything because all they do is play manchild video games.

At least we're trying to improve ourselves.

>> No.5263942

>>5263920
I never meant to come off as pretentious. I just meant I read whatever I come across, it just happens to be slightly out of the norm so I have no one to talk about it with.

I never meant to imply that Green is for plebs. It's just what everyone else is reading and I don't care to try it out since I have other books I want to read more. If ignoring certain things in favor of other things I enjoy makes me pretentious then I'll take the label, but it does get thrown around all too easily.

Also, this>>5263933

>> No.5263967

>>5263767
No, I don't see why reading would have a negative impact on one's social skills.

The only time I find it difficult socializing with people is when they either have a wall up or are socially inept themselves.

>> No.5263975
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5263975

Here's some scientific results, about the brain but not about the social behaviours (isolation) associated with reading.

This guy is legit:
http://news.sciencemag.org/brain-behavior/2010/11/how-reading-rewires-brain
Interview on another site:
http://www.dana.org/Cerebrum/2013/Inside_the_Letterbox__How_Literacy_Transforms_the_Human_Brain/
> Exactly as predicted, we also observed a small but significant cortical competition effect, precisely at the site of the letterbox area. For the first time, our study revealed which shapes triggered a response at this site prior to learning to read. In illiterates, faces and objects caused intense activity in this region—and, strikingly, the response to faces diminished with literacy. It was highest in illiterates, and quickly dropped in ex-illiterates and literates.

>Although face recognition is displaced in the cortex, it seems to be just as efficient in literate people as in illiterate people. In fact, it may even be more efficient in literate people. In a test of holistic perception, where subjects were asked to compare the top halves of two faces while avoiding any interference from their bottom halves, literate people outperformed illiterate people, suggesting that the former had learned to focus their attention better and in a more flexible manner.

>> No.5263984

>>5263767
>Do you feel reading and becoming smarter comes at the price of losing social skills and the capacity to connect with people?
No, not at all. I find spending long periods of time not socializing does that.

1-2 hours of socializing a day keeps you in shape and doesn't take that much time really

>> No.5263989

>>5263975

>that tie

>> No.5263990

>>5263984
>implying socialization is a skill easily forgotten.

>> No.5264027

>>5263990
It's.. not really, that's not what I was saying. I just mean keeping your wits sharp. Spend a week studying nonstop and they will dull

>> No.5264035

>>5263990
i mean, i guess it's "like riding a bike"

but you can definitely get rusty, and the extent to which you can get rusty is pretty enormous.

you can lose your mind, for instance.

>> No.5264044

>>5263849
Where do you live?
Come to Berlin and we can be bessie reading mates.

>> No.5264103

>>5264044
Why do friendships always form so easily on the net? Common interests, natural, truthful conversation. Just a shame people we could actually live and be content with are usually so impossibly far away. If only you could talk irl like this.

>> No.5264244

BUMP

>> No.5264286

It's the opposite for me.

I've gone from being a brooding introvert to the guy most people rely on to handle social situations.

>> No.5264296

>>5264044
A lot of Berliner are here,I wonder why.

>> No.5264313

A child loses its natural charm about the time it realises that its not naturally charming to absolutely everyone around. This would be about school-going age. And that natural charm wasn't so much charm, but innocence, which is much the same.

>> No.5264334

>>5264296
I never see any other Berliners.
I'm an expat in Germany.

>> No.5264337

>>5264313
can you expound on this point.
can you maintain innocence?

>> No.5264343

>>5264337
There's not very much to explain. Things just move on from the time when a child's every burp, sneeze, gargle etc. are considered cute, and the child loses confidence in that naturality. Can innocence be maintained? Probably not, no.

>> No.5264344

>>5263785
I chuckled.

>> No.5264347
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5264347

>>5263933
>Muh inner world
indeed

>> No.5264351
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5264351

I know how this will sound but honestly it's true.

I feel like everything going on in my mind is just way too complicated to converse about. Every single time I've ever openly spoken about my thoughts to someone I've lost them completely and they feel uncomfortable because they don't know how they can add or what they can say about it.

Now I'm not the type of person who "just hates small talk", it's very pleasing to just speak to other people but as soon as conversations being to flow and move in a way that requires personal opinions and view points my view is just way too complicated for the person I'm talking to, every observation I make comes with qualifiers and not because I can't help it but because the thought package would be incomplete without it - that is the world is simply that complex and more so but no one seems to see this - and I could just mimic the way other people talk but I don't feel like any real communication is taking place.

>tfw you can't speak, only perform
h-hold me

>> No.5264352

>>5263767
>>5263768
>shouting at the top of her lungs
>bobbing her head aggressively
>flailing hand gestures
>frequent pauses and non-lexical vocalizations
>conversation often trails off into nothing
>still lives with her parents
>poor eye contact
>frequently falls over during the conversation

What are you talking about, OP? My social skills are at exactly this level.

>> No.5264360

>>5264351
more likely than not it's because you've read a lot of garbage modern books that have clever-sounding ideas that when you actually think about them are extremely vague.

try thinking
if that doesn't work
read Aristotle

>> No.5264362

>>5264360
No that's not the case but thanks for the advice.

>> No.5264385

>>5264351
>I could just mimic the way other people talk but I don't feel like any real communication is taking place.

>> No.5264386

>>5264360
Says Jude, who thinks god and the devil speak through people. Nah, shit's not complex at all. (Though I agree with you besides the god and the devil stuff.)

>> No.5264388

>>5264385
I forgot to add 'that's autism'.

>> No.5264402

I dunno what to say here to you plebs, because I'm intelligent and charming and all that bs about the world being too complex is just that, bs. If I think a girl is pretty, I tell her so. If I want something, I ask for it. I'm the sort of dude everyone says should be a salesman, that that's my true calling. And it's all easy-as-shit, pure naturality. I leave people with a look on their face as if they've just found a new reason to love life, as if they've just figured something out . . . and it's beautiful, and I love it. Protip: make faces at young children. Let them know it's not all just a big scary bastard of a world, and see how good you feel when their faces nearly open the whole way up with smiles.

>> No.5264410

>tfw can only "connect" with people when talking about interests

>> No.5264459
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5264459

Reading makes you smarter? Colour me surprised.

>> No.5264461

>>5264402
yeah, kids latch onto adults personality so fast it's insane

>> No.5264463

I have something important to share with you all:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/10/04/229135856/book-news-study-says-reading-literary-fiction-can-boost-social-skills

Just keep reading. One day you will be able to talk about the weather with some girl at the coffee shop without staring at your feet, fidgeting, and awkwardly talking about the conversation you are in.

>> No.5264485

>>5264385
>>5264388

No it's not. It's how language works. Whether or not you notice it.

>> No.5264509

>>5264485
No, it's autism, Mr. Hurr-This-Is-Meaningless. Grow up, dude.

>> No.5264532

>>5264509
People, when learning how to communicate, don't invent the language from the ground up, they parrot and repeat what they think is adequate.
I hate this term but language is a meme

>> No.5264538

>>5264532
And, as such, one should not ever both trying to communicate with anyone, because hurr semantic satiation. You have autism.

>> No.5264544

>>5264485
No, he's right. If you do not experience a genuine feeling, but only think ''he's doing that, that means I must be doing that aswell'' is a genuine sign of being autistic. We have what is called ''Mirror neurons'' which create empathy by making you experience someone else's feelings as if they were your own. Seeing someone scared triggers a reaction in the same area of the brain that would stimulate your own fear, and mimics that feeling so you can empathize with the other person. Not having this is a sign of autism. Read ''An anthropologist on Mars'' by Oliver Sacks.

>> No.5264545

>>5264388
>>5264385
Come on man, I know it's 'real' communication in the sense of the word communication but I don't think anyone is sharing anything truthful about themselves. The common parlance is just ill equipped to be truly expressive in my opinion, I'm willing to admit it only seems like this is the case for me but still do you not know what I mean? Why do you have to insult.

>> No.5264555

>>5264402
Saying the world is complex is different to saying successful human interaction is complex to execute because it's not and that's not what I mean; precise and meaningful human interaction however is complex.

>> No.5264558

>>5264544
>>5264538
Read this
>>5264532
that's legit

>> No.5264565
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5264565

>mfw even /lit/ is too stupid and assuming to relate to these essential pyrrhonic feels

>> No.5264596

Dumb. Ask yourself why you're posting this in a thread about being charming, autistic anon.

>> No.5264621

>>5263767

It's because she hasn't realized yet she has to suck cock (metaphorically speaking) for the rest of her life just to have a shitty apartment, eat shitty processed food and spend whatever energy is left over consuming mindnumbingly retarded "entertainment" because she has literally no power over her own existence.

>> No.5264709
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5264709

seriously if you're hanging out with adults who have less social skills than a 5 year old then get less retarded friends. but then again...

birds of a feather am i rite?

>> No.5264725

It's because she's 5

>> No.5264821

Poorly disguised pedo thread is poor disguised.